[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I'm Aaron and I'm Jennifer.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're the host of the Marge after God podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our desire is to help you cultivate a marriage that changes boldly after God's will for your life together.
[SPEAKER_03]: We want to invite you to subscribe to our show wherever you watch or listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are so glad you're here and we pray that our discussion truly blesses you and your marriage.
[SPEAKER_03]: Welcome to the Marge after God podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of the marriage after god pod cast.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're so excited.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are in week 21 of our 30 week marriage devotional series based off of our devotionals husband after god and wife after god again.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to remind you everything up so if you haven't got a copy yet we just want to encourage you strongly to go get a copy today.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're selling fast.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're best sellers right now on Amazon and on our store.
[SPEAKER_00]: Go to shop.marriageafterGod.com.
[SPEAKER_00]: Pick up your copies.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can even go to Amazon.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're on Amazon, both of them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we're on week 21 last week.
[SPEAKER_00]: We talked about praying for ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this week, what do we talk about?
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, it's just as important really.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's about praying for your spouse.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so we're going to go into why it's so significant to be praying for your spouse and cultivating intimacy with God through a daily habit of prayer.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and ultimately cultivates an intimacy, intimate relationship with your spouse as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: So think we're going to talk about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But so we last episode, we talked about praying for yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: We talked about the power of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: This episode's talking about praying for your spouse and the next episode.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's essentially also praying for yourself because, you know, the Bible talks about the oneness in marriage.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so when you do things towards your spouse, really, you are benefiting yourself.
[SPEAKER_04]: So this is like a continuation from last time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that goes both ways actually.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you do stuff to harm your marriage and your relationship, that's harming you.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's harming your unity, your oneness.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so one of the best things
[SPEAKER_00]: praying for your spouse.
[SPEAKER_04]: So we're going to start out this today's episode with just talking about and highlighting this oneness, this aspect of becoming one flesh.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so Genesis 224 says therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold the fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then Jesus reiterates this truth in Mark 10 629 years.
[SPEAKER_00]: It says, but from the beginning of creation, God made the male and female, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the two shall become one flesh.
[SPEAKER_00]: So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
[SPEAKER_00]: What they're for God is what they're for God has joined together, let no man separate.
[SPEAKER_04]: Nice.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then again in Ephesians 5 28 to 30 it says this and the same way husband should love their wives as their own bodies.
[SPEAKER_04]: He loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Jesus does the church because we are members of his body.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think these, these scriptures about becoming one with your spouse, they get used a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're set at weddings.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've heard them, but I think they get overlooked as like, yeah, it's just like symbolism.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, we're now like a family, like we're one, but there's something actually much more spiritual happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I believe when the Bible says that we become one flesh, our unity when we come together, we have, we make children, you know, of our own DNA.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are one body, and any good, like we were just talking about, any bad, those are all being done to the unit, not just to my spouse, not just to me, but it's being done together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think Christ makes that really clear.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, God, let no one separate what God brought together.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're one.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's how God sees it and that's how we should see it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's so important to recognize that that if I want, if I'm going to be praying for myself if I want prayer, then my spouse is going to want that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's something that we should be doing.
[SPEAKER_04]: And if less is the body, if less is the unit, the oneness, in the language.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's strengthens that you're going to build it up.
[SPEAKER_00]: It creates more intimacy, more knowledge of each other, awareness, all those things that are good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Another good reason, you know, because not just that we're one.
[SPEAKER_00]: and that what I do to you is being done to me and what you do to me is being done to you and that we are together building each other up.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's this good old fashion golden rule.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you've ever heard you've all heard of this.
[SPEAKER_00]: It actually comes from the Bible.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's from Jesus himself and this the golden rule is essentially doing to others, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: But Jesus says it this way in Luke 631.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where it comes from.
[SPEAKER_00]: And as you wish that others would do to you do so to them.
[SPEAKER_00]: this is probably the number one thing that we tell to our kids all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you treating your brother the way you want them to treat you?
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're like, no, and I'm like, then you shouldn't treat them that way.
[SPEAKER_04]: It also shows a bit of initiation here because it doesn't say as you wish or desire that others would do, wait for them to do it and then return the favor.
[SPEAKER_04]: It starts with, like, how do we treat it?
[SPEAKER_04]: It does.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I think as spouse, spouse is like, there are times that
[SPEAKER_04]: I waited out because I I want that from you, but what this scripture is saying is I should take that and say, Oh, light bulb.
[SPEAKER_04]: I can do these things for you.
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's something that I can initiate and that's something that I can lead in.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a probably a whole other episode, but exactly you're talking about this this golden rule aspect of treating each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know sitting back and waiting like well he doesn't ever pray for me so I'm not gonna pray for him or she never pray for me or you know he doesn't ever give me affection or you know she never initiates and so I'm not gonna initiate though that back and forth on the negative side of things is really destructive but how incredibly powerful it is when I do come to you and I treat you the way I want you to treat me yeah and I give you that affection that that love that you know what you're what I'm looking for and I just come to you with it as a
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a really powerful thing to just consider like what you were just saying is instead of waiting for it like I'm not getting what I want.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and there's another side of this that's not I think it's not intentionally negative how you were just explaining but you know when people feel embarrassed or
[SPEAKER_04]: insecure about doing something like praying for their spouse, which we know that that happened to hurt those testimonies before, but I think that when we can ask God for that courage and that ability and willingness to go to our spouse and pray for them before they've done it for us.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a big deal, and it will inspire your spouse to maybe do the same for you.
[SPEAKER_04]: I know that we've experienced when someone is transparent or courageous in some way, it usually will stimulate that same kind of growth in us, and so our encouragement is that you guys would jump in and do to your spouse what you would want them to do to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: simple little tip just through on there.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I'm jumping the gun on this, but last night I read Lena as we're following a statement I said, how can I pray for you?
[SPEAKER_04]: I loved it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: I said, oh, how nice.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a simple question.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what it prompted you to do was want to pray for me too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there was just a beauty in that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you feeling like I want to know you, you feeling like I care about what's going on in your heart
[SPEAKER_00]: and then me praying for you, and then you praying for me, that little bit of initiation, even though I didn't jump right into praying, was really cool, and I think that's a good tip for anyone who's looking like, how do we start this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's just a simple question of like, hey, how can I pray for you right now?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's probably a surprise to the response.
[SPEAKER_04]: So, in talking about praying for your spouse today, we are talking about, you know, when you're in your quiet time with the Lord, when you're reading Scripture, journaling, whatever you're doing, you can be praying for your spouse, and that's important.
[SPEAKER_04]: But we're also talking about praying with them and over them, kind of like how you were just mentioned about last night.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's both.
[SPEAKER_04]: Both are important.
[SPEAKER_04]: Both have, you know, their significance to building up the marriage and
[SPEAKER_04]: you in the Lord and then you and your spouse in the Lord.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so, just wanted to make that note.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like, um, I just, I want to ask a question.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like your private prayers for me are going to be different than your public prayers for me?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like coming to me and bringing it loud?
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm sure maybe in some ways that happens, but it could also just be playing into what I'm thinking about in the moment, like if I'm praying for you usually it's because you've shared something that you need prayer for or that I know about, where am I quite time and you know, just more personal to me.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm praying for more specific things that I don't
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I was just asking that because I think that's actually a really good normal thing where when you're writing journaling and you're you're having a private prayer, I mean there's many been many times I you know after an argument and I'm praying privately and quietly, but like my prayers to God is like, I don't know what's going on help me in
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not necessarily how I would pray with you in the moment, but it's something that was necessary for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was just bringing that up to say that our private prayers often, they're going to probably be more unique intimate with God, especially about our spouse or about ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I think that's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then coming together and then me praying for you is going to be that you said more specific to something you said to me, something that we're going through.
[SPEAKER_04]: So it actually reminds me of something that happened a few years ago.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think we did share it on the podcast already, but there had been something that, um, you were kind of struggling with, but instead of coming to me and talking to me about it, you just started praying about it.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I remember we were driving somewhere, and I had,
[SPEAKER_04]: either confess something or shared something that was on my heart that I wanted to change and you kind of stopped and you looked at me like that was weird and I'm a little wet and you like I don't know where I have been praying for you for this very thing.
[SPEAKER_04]: I just haven't talked to you about it yet and it was so cool in that moment to recognize that the Lord was that work.
[SPEAKER_04]: He was outworking me, he was outworking you, he was using both of us.
[SPEAKER_04]: But without even talking to each other about it, and I just love how he works things out, and so if we're diligent and willing to go to him and prayer for our spouse like incredible things happen And so it's just us yielding our ourselves, our hearts, our flesh, everything to him and ask him like, let your will be done in our marriage
[SPEAKER_00]: You mentioned earlier about people being in feeling uncomfortable.
[SPEAKER_00]: What what can someone because I'm I would imagine there's a lot of listeners that they probably have private prayer life They pray for their spouse in their own they have a journal maybe one of the spouses is not a believer and so they're not necessarily praying together all the time
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe there's some, like, uncomfortableness.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a, um, they're afraid or embarrassed to step into that to start doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because, uh, we've talked to, like you said, many testimonies.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've heard from many people.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's easier to pray in your small group.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's easier to pray for your friend than it is to pray with your spouse.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that, you know,
[SPEAKER_04]: I think the encouragement here is one, I feel like I've told this to a lot of people, but once you start practicing something, it does get easier.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so it's kind of just like getting over that hump of, it's like, yeah, it's going to be a little off your head first.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's okay.
[SPEAKER_04]: There's something really beautiful about experiencing something a little awkward with your spouse.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's kind of like when you have sex for the first time in your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like this is weird.
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: but it gets better as time goes on so that's again another example of something really intimate I think intimate things can just make you feel like you're in a vulnerable place because you are and that's okay and they have to make things more accurate but I'm pretty sure that's the first time you've ever used the S word on our show.
[SPEAKER_04]: How are you saying sexual intimacy or something?
[SPEAKER_04]: You say intimacy or maybe we have said it, but Aaron just knows me, yeah, okay, now I'm blushing so How do you?
[SPEAKER_04]: The other thing that I would say is just based off of art experience with cultivating per life together, some of the most powerful emotional and intimate moments we have ever shared in marriage.
[SPEAKER_04]: when we prayed for each other out loud and coming together before God because it's real and it's raw and we are making ourselves known to each other even if it's just for a few seconds and so knowing that regardless of any insecurity or how hard something could be to be vulnerable in that space I think it's worth it and so to highlight that worth is important and say this is why we're doing it.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's for a good thing
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I would also highlight that, I think it has to do with, I know I struggle with intimacy myself, just in every aspect.
[SPEAKER_00]: And prayer is very intimate.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think a lot of people might have a hard time with prayer because, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a form of communication, maybe they're not even used to, like maybe they're not even talking on other levels about real things in the arts.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this stepping in a prayer feels even harder, but I would encourage that doing this step.
[SPEAKER_00]: praying for each other is a massive step towards growing in that other area.
[SPEAKER_00]: Totally learning how to communicate together into my level.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, for sure.
[SPEAKER_04]: I see that correlation.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's definitely a privilege.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's an opportunity that we have to go before our creator and the one who's brought us together in this oneness and given us this gift of marriage to say,
[SPEAKER_04]: We want to honor you, and we want your help with all of this, and we all need help and marriage things can be hard and we need to learn how to be married, and so I think just understanding that privilege and gift that we have been given to be able to do this outweighs the uncomfortableness of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before I move on to this next part, I wanted to bring up if someone has an unbelieving spouse.
[SPEAKER_00]: How do we encourage that person to be praying with their spouse and for their spouse?
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, I think that if you put the invitation out there, one, I think regardless of whether or not that person wants to join in the prayer, they're going to feel loved.
[SPEAKER_04]: They're going to feel like, oh, you're thinking about me.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's, that's going to touch them, I think.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then just the influence that we have in our personal walks with God, like our personal faith and the way that we engage with the Lord is going to pour out an influence and impact your spouse, whether they believe or not.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think that that it will.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's good.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll also add to that some of the most impactful like experience that I've had with strangers, you know, it like it may not always be like an opportunity to be like I'm just going to preach the gospel to someone right now that doesn't know Jesus, but there's been so many opportunities.
[SPEAKER_00]: where I hear something from someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hear a story and I think to my, like the Holy Spirit just perks my heart.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, well, there's some brokenness there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, there's some pain there.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's some hurt there.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's an opportunity.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, can I just pray for you?
[SPEAKER_00]: It in that prayer.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm preaching Jesus.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm praying all of them.
[SPEAKER_04]: Bring them comforted.
[SPEAKER_04]: It encourages them.
[SPEAKER_04]: It probably highlights truth.
[SPEAKER_00]: But do you know what interesting?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I've ever been turned down.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think, and all these people, most of these people that I prayed for, and like these strangers are not believers.
[SPEAKER_00]: But they all felt very meanfully touched by what they made them think, and I've had them come back to me and I really appreciate that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'll just encourage you, if you have an unbelieving spouse.
[SPEAKER_00]: The Bible makes it very clear that your own peer and quiet conduct for the wife and for the husband can actually potentially bring them to Christ.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, praying for them would be worth it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Worth it.
[SPEAKER_04]: So, good.
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, how has it made you feel to be prayed for over the years by me?
[SPEAKER_00]: going back to the intimacy thing, I think it's been really powerful because I do struggle with that closeness, close communication, close heart issues.
[SPEAKER_00]: Those have been hard for me to let prayer make a way for me to build a do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: in an indirect way.
[SPEAKER_00]: In some ways, it's like, oh, I can go through God and like we could talk to God together and that helps you hear a bit of my heart and it helps me hear a bit of your heart.
[SPEAKER_00]: So feeling cared for, loved.
[SPEAKER_00]: It also reinforces that we're both on the same team that we're doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: That we're in this together.
[SPEAKER_00]: That unity and reminds me of my own, you know, where I'm at with God.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, some words that came to my mind are like worth like worthiness, like I'm worthie to be prayed for like I have value and And I've often been comforted through prayer by you Especially if like we're in the middle of something hard and we don't really know what to do with it and so we stop and pray.
[SPEAKER_04]: I feel like
[SPEAKER_04]: There's a piece that comes with that going before the Lord at that He offers and so I really appreciated that and then also just the way you've led our family through prayer, whether it's between us or between the kids, doing family Bible time, there's an element of leading our family in faith with God that has really blessed our family.
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: I would also say that, like, just the moments of, you know, we go to God for different reasons, but when there's been a need, when there's been something that we desire and being able to go to God together and ask him for it and then wait it out and see how he answers it has just been a really neat experience because, um,
[SPEAKER_04]: There's just a process that he walks us through when we're in the waiting.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, the things that he, he wrestles with in our hearts, sin that gets exposed, that then he can speak to and help us walk there.
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you have anything to do?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was going to encourage the men, so many times.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a running joke in life about like you come to us with a need and we're like Oh, we hit let's try and solve that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it a lot of times especially in really hard things like when you're going through something emotional or or relational or like there's a heart like brokenness or even pain
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, our natural response is to try and like, well, just think different.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've done this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, here's the truth.
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember this, but there's something incredibly comforting and be like, instead of giving you the words, I just got a God for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you hear me pray for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I might be able to even say things in there that I'm desiring for you or encouraging you, but it's not just, it's not, here's the answer is just change.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's I'm going to, I'm going to pray for you because what you're going to, I don't have words for.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a really powerful way to encourage your wife when she's going through something instead of just trying to give an answer.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I was going to say when you're seeking God in the midst of brokenness or frustration or whatever the emotion is that you're carrying.
[SPEAKER_04]: There may not be a solution.
[SPEAKER_04]: There may not be a quick fix or even an answer, but there is an element of restoration or resolve because you're going to the father and you're putting your trust in him or this comfort.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and there's like this element of like I can rest there.
[SPEAKER_04]: I can be there and it's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's good.
[SPEAKER_04]: Cool.
[SPEAKER_04]: also a part of prayer is thankfulness.
[SPEAKER_04]: So having gratitude and I've been blessed over the years by when we're praying together and you say something in your prayer about how you're grateful for something and I'm just like, oh, I didn't, I wasn't seeing that but I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yeah, just want specifically on the topic of praying for your spouse, when praying for them, thinking God for them, out loud, has a huge role in encouraging your spouse.
[SPEAKER_00]: when they hear that you're thankful to God, your Creator, that He gave you them, that your spouse is yours, and that you're thankful to God for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Does that argue when you hear that?
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm sure.
[SPEAKER_04]: You're like, oh, man, I know where I am.
[SPEAKER_04]: I am never saying that.
[SPEAKER_04]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love to hear that, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I like to know that I'm my wife's thankful for me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: That God gave me to her.
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so since we're talking about marriage and prayer, I think it's important that we talk about how we pray and the significance there.
[SPEAKER_04]: I really appreciate the way that God uses prayer to humble us.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, we mentioned this early that if there's ever like a conflict or a hard circumstance that we're facing and we go to him, like it's an immediate, like,
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay, I was thinking about myself, but now I'm thinking about you, you lured and what you want, and so going to his, his thrown him of grace, I like, oh, he pres puts it, but there's a process of humility that we go through when it comes to prayer.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we, like we've mentioned so many times in the past is, especially like in the midst of a, like an argument, a fight, something that's going on in this strife, when you, when we eventually, you know, get to prayer together, it is incredibly humbling because you realize like, I was so angry about this silly thing, and then you walk before God and you remember like, you're also a sinner and you're like, oh my gosh, I need forgiveness, I need to be, you can change, I need to be humbled.
[SPEAKER_04]: Sometimes in our perspective, we think we know what's right and what needs to take place to make everything right.
[SPEAKER_04]: But when we both go to prayer before the Lord, it's kind of like, you're you're get reminded that not only does the world not revolve around you, but even just our marriage doesn't revolve around just me.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's us and it's him and so if we're sincerely in our prayers, it would sound a lot like God help my spouse and help help our marriage You know trust you.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, and our devotional as we talk about checking our motives and making sure that we're not Serving up something selfish which
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like we're going to have to explain this a lot of our prayers are selfish like we we pray like God You know, make this job workout God help me with my finances God help us with You know all these things that they are selfish and an essence like a genie It's not just that we're wishing for all of these things and that should be our perspective That's not how it's well the what we're talking about is
[SPEAKER_00]: When we go to God for our spouse, is our intention that our spouse just becomes what we want them to be, or is our intention and desire that they become what God wants them to be?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a very big difference.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a verse in James, James is just talking about how we come to God and he says, you ask and you do not receive because you ask wrongly to spend it on your passions.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's this that often we have these prayers about our spouse that are purely selfish like I just want them to change so that it makes me happier I just want this to be different in them so that I no longer have to ask this
[SPEAKER_00]: rather than God, what do you want for them?
[SPEAKER_00]: Why am I so frustrated by this situation?
[SPEAKER_00]: What?
[SPEAKER_04]: Or even God, are they so frustrated because of me?
[SPEAKER_04]: Show me where I'm wrong, what I'm doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so finding a way to get down to a different level of conversation with God about your spouse, rather than just
[SPEAKER_00]: This bothers me, I'm at about this, change this in them, make them this way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, as if we know, be out of the shadow of it out, the best person our spouses to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: we don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not even the best person that we want to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yet we think we can, you know, by prayer and stronger than God, get him to change our spouse under this, our our image.
[SPEAKER_00]: And rather than praying and asking you to change them into his image.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, petitioning for his will to be done.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, not ours as Jesus prayed so famously, not my will be done, but yours.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, that's really good.
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, you know, you brought up when there's conflict and things like that.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think we've mentioned this on the podcast before, but being reminded that These battles that we face are not just
[SPEAKER_04]: Like us against each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, they're not just fleshly one.
[SPEAKER_00]: So very rarely are they about the thing that we're trying about exactly.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that when we do something spiritual, a spiritual discipline like prayer, we get reminded very quickly that it's not about us against each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's not just about my perspective versus yours and who's better, who's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's about the flesh against the spirit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: The principalities and the powers of the star cage, it's about as Ephesians 612 says, for we did not wrestle against flesh and blood.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's not against you in your wife, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness against the spiritual forces of evil and the heavenly places.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that we have an enemy, we have a flesh that hates that once it's own way and these are spiritual things Yeah, so we have to address it spiritually and the impact comes through prayer because it's it's a defensive weapon For I hate it's like how we engage with this spiritual realm is this section the same section that says for the weapons of our war for a not carnal
[SPEAKER_04]: I think that's a different.
[SPEAKER_00]: Different sections.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: The idea behind that is when we try and wrestle with our own weapons, and it says they're Carnal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Carnal means fleshy, like I'm in my anger, I'm going to get louder, I'm going to I'm going to use specific words, I'm going to get what I want.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're using
[SPEAKER_00]: Carnal weapons, instead of spiritual ones, instead of going to the father, instead of seeking the Holy Spirit and what heat, where he's leading, it's a vastly different thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And recognizing that there is a spiritual war for going on.
[SPEAKER_01]: Totally.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that doesn't mean that every single issue that happens is like, well, that's a spiritual thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: But in reality, everything has something to do with what's going on in our hearts and what's going on in our minds and how we're keeping the step of the Holy Spirit and how we're following God and if we're in the word
[SPEAKER_00]: are we, you know, being tempted and lusting and all these things that affect us and then all the sudden we're having a tip about something because we're just not in the right place.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I guess yeah, yes, it is all spiritual.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think so.
[SPEAKER_04]: When we pray for each other, I love that we're thinking and considering about each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: Put their minds back.
[SPEAKER_04]: It puts our minds back on each other, and that's a great way to build up the marriage.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's why we're encouraging you guys to pray for each other because it's impactful and it matters and it builds unity.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I also feel like when you bring something to the Lord,
[SPEAKER_04]: It's almost like your eyes are open to seeing that thing, and so if you're praying for him to be moving in your spouse, you're going to be more open and sensitive to when he's doing it, you'll see it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you ever feel like that happens?
[SPEAKER_04]: I know in my own life, if like I'm praying for patients, I'm very, I'm more aware of when I'm either not acting in patients or, hey, I was patient.
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you, Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well I mean Jesus even says he's like if you seek me he will find me if you knock the door will be opened if you ask you receive like these are all actions that we can take to connect with God and I had this image that just popped on my head about you talk about unity and there's things that we do that that reinforce the unity and reinforce what the Bible calls us which is one and there are things that
[SPEAKER_00]: that tear at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I was looking at prayer as like this you've been doing a lot of crocheting but I was thinking you're stitching like you take two fabrics and you you stitch it together and like prayer is like one of those things that's continually stitching through and then that's one of the things there's many things that we do in our marriage to reinforce that unity in that bond.
[SPEAKER_00]: But prayer just it feel like it's one of those strong ones like you keep praying and where
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's another corner, like, oh, the stitch up that thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_04]: So where do I fall just now, as you said, that was reparative, which reparative?
[SPEAKER_04]: Which I love because in marriage, I feel like we go through so many different seasons and ways of being in growth and not growth.
[SPEAKER_04]: And you know, there's reason for being reparative.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that prayer comes along and tightens things up.
[SPEAKER_04]: And like you said, encourages that unity.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it, it prayer really does shift the way we are posture towards each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh for sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, if either we're button heads or we're like coming close or we're like backs with each other or we're like facing each other, there's, you, it's hard to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not even like pray with each other and keep that.
[SPEAKER_04]: I was in saying not even against each other but have you ever been through a season where you're just not engaged like you're not caring about each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: You're not into each other's hobbies or asking good questions or you know like there's just not a phrase like two ships passing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Almost like it's like you've been on this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll always be on this or dryness.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Where prayer, I think, reorientates your hearts back toward each other and towards God.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I really like that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And it shows love, like I've been, I think I already said this, but like just the assurance that it gives me, if you're willing to ask me what I need prayer for or you're asking to pray over me, it shows me that you love me.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I appreciate that.
[SPEAKER_00]: For husbands, this is a big encouragement, praying for her, going to her asking her how you could pray for initiating those opportunities is a powerful way of leading your wife.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we are called to be the spiritual leaders, the leaders in our home and every aspect.
[SPEAKER_00]: And praying is one of those ways we can show leadership.
[SPEAKER_00]: Other ways we've talked about getting into the Word of God with your family.
[SPEAKER_00]: Being that man who's like, we're going to fight these battles with God, not in our flesh, is showing leadership in your own.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we've talked about the different roles between a husband and a wife on the podcast before, but when I think about wives and just that heart of submission.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so when we are called to be submissive to our husbands, I think prayer is a great way to to yield in that submission.
[SPEAKER_04]: Because when there is wrestling, which happens in our flesh and maybe there's a difference of opinions or perspectives or whatever we can.
[SPEAKER_04]: We can bring that to the Lord and say, Lord, I'm laying this at your feet and I want your will to be done.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think that's beautiful.
[SPEAKER_04]: And also, just the things that we see in our husband like being able to submit prayer requests and petitions to the Lord on his behalf, that's a gift that we have.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's privilege.
[SPEAKER_00]: And prayer, like doing that is an amazing way to show love.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you were just mentioning.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to take one quick step.
[SPEAKER_00]: praying the wrong way.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a way to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've seen it, and I know this happens, and husbands do it, and why it's do it, where they use prayers and opportunity to demean or belittle or manipulate.
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll give a prayer, and they're praying to God, but they say these prayers in such a way to point out all the things that they wish they could say to their spouse, but they instead say to God in front of them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I just want us to be very careful.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when we go before God and we pray, and we share with them, just remember, we have a creator, the creative universe, he's listening to our prayers.
[SPEAKER_04]: He knows whether our intentions are pure or we have integrity.
[SPEAKER_00]: He knows our hearts.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, God says he's like, he's like, I don't look at the outside.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, I look at the heart.
[SPEAKER_00]: just we've got to be careful that our hearts are right if we're if we're using God and prayer as a form of manipulation or to attack or to tear down we have we're not doing all right miss the point of what we're doing and so if that's you and I'm sure we've all done it some in some way maybe even unintentionally yeah maybe even unintentionally
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we should repent of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we should never be taking, instead stepping into the throne and we're gone in any way to try and use that as a tool against.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our spouse is a weapon, no way.
[SPEAKER_04]: But what we should be doing is using prayer as a means to align our hearts and our wills and our wills and our posture to God, because that's powerful.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that keeps our hearts in that tender place of being aware of each other's needs, like we said consideration.
[SPEAKER_04]: Just having a sensitivity to what's going on in each other's lives,
[SPEAKER_04]: and both desiring to want a strong marriage, wanting to be tuned into each other and feeling cherished in that way.
[SPEAKER_04]: I know that that has happened for me like the times that you've offered to pray for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: At the end of the day, I feel like they came up funny.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm praying for you and what we're doing in prayer, what we're going to God for is that, like we said earlier, is we're looking for His will to be done.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not just in our immediate circumstances, like ultimately, I want you to have a robust, powerful, intimate, close relationship with your father and heaven.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to believe and know what the word says about you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you want the same for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so our prayer life for each other is not just to like, oh, like, we need to fix this thing about each other, these character flaws, which we all have character issues, we have our own ways that we're raised.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have all these little, little quirks about us that bother each other sometimes.
[SPEAKER_00]: The prayers, the, it's good to pray for those things, but at the end of the day, the prayer, like what we're doing is we're seeking the will of God for our spouse.
[SPEAKER_00]: We truly want to know and seek what he has for us.
[SPEAKER_00]: And for you, like I want that for you, which again, which better fits me, because when you have that, then I have it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I have it, then you have it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that should be the intention of our hearts in this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say.
[SPEAKER_04]: The last little bit here and then we'll close out is how husbands can pray for their wives and how wives can be praying for their husband Yeah, this is just a few things just to give you a little bit of a kick star Where to where to mention earlier like hey lean over and say how can a preview like that way you can get really specific because I'll tell you
[SPEAKER_00]: Promise you husband, if you ask your wife, she's like, oh, really.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Also, just to encourage you, I've been so impacted the times that you've leaned over and prayed for me without me saying anything.
[SPEAKER_04]: It shows that intention of like, you're paying attention.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, or the father's using you right now to just speak over me.
[SPEAKER_04]: And that's been really powerful too.
[SPEAKER_04]: But good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: So husband's something.
[SPEAKER_00]: wife to feel confident in her faith.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember going back to like what is the most important thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You want your wife to just really be strong in her faith, know who she is in Christ, that she would know and believe what the Bible says about her.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like those are huge things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Another one is that again, that your wife would draw a closer to God and feel loved by him.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, do you need, like, is that a constant thing that you're having with, like, just feeling close and loved by God?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your wife to experience extraordinary intimacy with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is just physical as a big part of that, but it's emotional, spiritual, physical.
[SPEAKER_00]: All of the things that we are becoming one and all of these things in the last one is that your wife matures into a woman God cratered to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: We all need a mature at times we act like little girls in little boys, not maddening, like little girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: But wives act like little girls men act in little boys, like we have these areas of our lives that are sensitive and hurt and whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that we would each mature that your spouse would, your wife would mature into the woman of God that God desires it to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a such a powerful, beautiful thing.
[SPEAKER_04]: As you are talking, I just got this picture of how a spouse can literally take like you're saying, how knitting or crocheting, you're taking that thread.
[SPEAKER_04]: And when you're praying, you're drawing a part from your spouse to God and tightening the rope.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like it's just building that connection up for them in a way.
[SPEAKER_00]: like almost like helping like let's get closer like let's go together to God.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, which I love.
[SPEAKER_04]: So this is going to sound a little redundant, but that's okay.
[SPEAKER_04]: Just know that these are general ways that a husband and wife can pray for each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: Obviously, when you know each other and you know each other's needs specifics, there are specifics that you cannot.
[SPEAKER_04]: Wives can be praying for your husband to lead well.
[SPEAKER_04]: Wives can be praying for your husband to draw closer to God and also to fill loved by Him.
[SPEAKER_04]: Your husband to experience extraordinary intimacy and you can be praying for your husband to mature into the man that God created him to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't know what wife or husband would not benefit from their spouse.
[SPEAKER_00]: experiencing these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a huge thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, we'll want to, we got a quote here from our book, The Marriage After God.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the quote says this.
[SPEAKER_00]: A marriage after God is one where the husband and wife walk with humble hearts before the Lord and with each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the main ways we do that is to pray.
[SPEAKER_04]: Prayer.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm discussion questions for you guys to consider this week as a couple.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can write them down.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can talk them out loud.
[SPEAKER_00]: We always suggest talking about them out loud.
[SPEAKER_04]: And there's more questions in the devotionals if you have them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of these things we've also addressed, but it's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: How does praying for your spouse positively affect your marriage?
[SPEAKER_04]: For us, it has definitely brought us closer together.
[SPEAKER_04]: It helps me trust you because I know if you're willing to go before the Lord to petition, give thanksgiving, pray for anything.
[SPEAKER_04]: I know that I can trust you because you're trusting in God.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so it's like he's leading you leading me.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so that's been a huge encouragement to our marriage.
[SPEAKER_00]: something that I was thinking of and this goes way back to the earlier years of our marriage in a major way prayer kept us together.
[SPEAKER_00]: Strength in our marriage like in times and we felt the weakest and we still were grasping on to God and what he had for us through prayer.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do believe that if I did not have a prayer life, if we did not have a prayer life of regular consistent prayer that we would probably wouldn't have made.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Which is why we make it such a point of contact through our ministry and business that we we share about that and we do the daily prairie notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Merit's Prairie Challenge.com.
[SPEAKER_04]: Just to add on to that, those really hard times that we've
[SPEAKER_04]: been through where prayer has been like that anchor.
[SPEAKER_04]: I feel like it's been a gift because there were times that you and I didn't communicate so well and it was hard to share how we were feeling about each other and so being able to pray for each other and out loud together was a way of kind of revealing those things and just showing that no matter what our trust is in the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: helped reveal our hearts.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, totally.
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_04]: This other question says, did you or do you have any fears about praying with your spouse out loud?
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I used to, I think most times nowadays, it's a out of a peer of like laziness.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've not doing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like I'm afraid to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like this, like, I'm tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, like, my flesh isn't like interested at the moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think I've been blessed with a gift of prayer with my parents, my dad, praying with me every night.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: I also was exposed to prayer pretty early.
[SPEAKER_04]: So I feel like I was comfortable doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'd say in specifics, in prayer, like when it comes like intimate things, praying about heart issues is hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not necessarily a fray, but maybe don't know how to verbalize.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, what are the right words?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, I've appreciated that even in those times, you've still been willing to do it.
[SPEAKER_04]: So the call of action for you guys this week is to spend time praying for your spouse, share with the Lord why you are thankful for them, and share any needs or prayer requests, things that they might have.
[SPEAKER_04]: You can do this in your quiet time or you could do it out loud over them.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, let me pray for us.
[SPEAKER_04]: Dear Lord, we just come before you and we just thank you so much for this gift of prayer, this privilege and opportunity that you've made away for us to come to you.
[SPEAKER_04]: We don't need a mediator or anything else because we have Jesus and the Holy Spirit interceding for us and we thank you for that, Lord.
[SPEAKER_04]: and we pray that we would take advantage of that opportunity and that we would come to every day and be humble before you and pray for the things that matter most in our life.
[SPEAKER_04]: I pray that we would lift up our spouses to your Lord and just protect our oneness and our unity by asking you to move in their hearts and move in our hearts.
[SPEAKER_04]: I pray for husbands and wives right now who may be wrestling with those insecurities and those thoughts of
[SPEAKER_04]: How to get started, and I pray that you would give them the courage that they need and the words that they would need to pray for their spouse and pray over their spouse.
[SPEAKER_04]: God, I pray that this experience would build the intimacy up between them and that it would be such an extraordinary and awesome experience that they would.
[SPEAKER_04]: have a huge desire to just keep doing it and to build a daily habit of prayer together.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I thank you so much for the anchor that prayer is even during hard times that it is that tether between us and you and that lifeline of comfort and giving us hope and encouragement.
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you for your word that is also so encouraging to us and reminds us what to do and how to do it.
[SPEAKER_04]: I pray that our hearts would be obedient to praying without ceasing and just coming to you for everything and asking and petitioning for your will to be done in our lives and in our marriages.
[SPEAKER_04]: In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Amen.
[SPEAKER_00]: We love you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: As usual, thanks for joining us on this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have not yet, we just want to remind you, go get a copy of Husband after God, wife after God, 30-day, marriage devotionals.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what the series has been based off of.
[SPEAKER_00]: At shop.marriage after god.com, if you haven't yet, leave us a review and a star rating.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We'll see you next time.