WEBVTT 00:00.031 --> 00:01.073 [SPEAKER_01]: What's up everyone? 00:01.233 --> 00:03.718 [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to Girls with Goals with Your Hosts and Catherine. 00:03.999 --> 00:09.550 [SPEAKER_00]: And Caroline, today we're going to talk about what it means to actually focus on yourself. 00:09.570 --> 00:15.762 [SPEAKER_00]: In your 20s, when we're young, when we have the most freedom in our lives, but also I think the most pressure in our lives. 00:15.982 --> 00:20.571 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really important to be able to focus on ourselves because this is the time where we're 00:21.175 --> 00:26.962 [SPEAKER_00]: building our lives and we're either building a life that aligns with us or we're not. 00:26.982 --> 00:37.415 [SPEAKER_00]: So we want to break down what it actually means to focus on yourself and different ways that you can do it and get more comfortable focusing on yourself and being selfish and building a relationship with yourself. 00:37.796 --> 00:39.558 [SPEAKER_00]: So why is focusing on yourself so important? 00:39.618 --> 00:41.040 [SPEAKER_00]: Because your life 00:41.020 --> 00:44.190 [SPEAKER_00]: is almost entirely based on how it feels to you. 00:44.230 --> 00:46.779 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not about how it looks to other people. 00:46.939 --> 00:51.052 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not about how it stacks up to standards and external expectations. 00:51.554 --> 00:54.102 [SPEAKER_00]: Your entire experience is essentially 00:55.178 --> 01:12.860 [SPEAKER_00]: your experience and how you feel and how you go about your life and so it's really important to make sure that you're living a life that one feels good to you and aligns with what you want but also one where you're comfortable focusing on yourself and embracing that like this is your experience and nobody else's. 01:12.980 --> 01:15.263 [SPEAKER_00]: We hear all the time people talk about how 01:15.243 --> 01:17.590 [SPEAKER_00]: somebody could have literally everything in the world. 01:17.670 --> 01:30.265 [SPEAKER_00]: They could be rich and famous and all of these big things that we kind of hold to a high standard of like some of the greatest experiences of life and they can be some of the most unhappy people. 01:30.245 --> 01:38.478 [SPEAKER_00]: And then on the flip side, we also hear people who have just about nothing, but they might be the happiest or most caring people that you meet. 01:38.598 --> 01:55.645 [SPEAKER_00]: And obviously that's not to say that there's like no balance in that there's no benefit and like having anything external, but I think it really puts into perspective the fact that it really matters a lot less what you have in life and a lot more about how you feel in your life. 01:55.625 --> 02:01.477 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we're going to run through what it actually means to focus on yourself so that you can create a life that feels good to you. 02:01.517 --> 02:12.840 [SPEAKER_00]: And something that I've been thinking about a lot and talking about a lot on my social media is focusing on your personal progress more than you focus on public achievement. 02:12.820 --> 02:32.625 [SPEAKER_00]: I think this is something that we deal with a lot more in a world of so much media, social media, where we're seeing literally everyone around us, but also media in general, where things are really quantified by reaching certain benchmarks or meeting certain goals. 02:33.165 --> 02:38.592 [SPEAKER_00]: And when there's so much weight put on these like public achievements, I think about it in the example of like 02:38.572 --> 02:55.838 [SPEAKER_00]: almost name brand schools like people care a lot about the name of the university that you go to rather than maybe what your experience is or whether it's actually a good fit for you or then when you get into post-grading you're looking for a job a lot about like working for the coolest companies or 02:55.818 --> 03:02.885 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, the most name brand firms and things like that, rather than looking at, okay, but what is actually the job experience and what is the career experience for you? 03:03.065 --> 03:04.927 [SPEAKER_00]: I think about it with personal fitness as well. 03:05.467 --> 03:15.997 [SPEAKER_00]: There's definitely a lot of way on doing races, being able to run a half marathon, marathon, you know, high rocks races and fitness things, and obviously, then people, you get into sports and there's all of that. 03:16.358 --> 03:19.741 [SPEAKER_00]: But what about just like your personal fitness and your personal achievement? 03:19.781 --> 03:23.985 [SPEAKER_00]: Because a lot of the time, like, that is what actually matters more. 03:23.965 --> 03:31.337 [SPEAKER_00]: So, as anybody knows, I was training for a marathon last summer, and I got injured, and I had to drop out of that. 03:31.537 --> 03:38.929 [SPEAKER_00]: And it has been such a long time recovering from this, and being able to get back to a place of a baseline. 03:39.289 --> 03:51.188 [SPEAKER_00]: And a few months ago, I was offered a spot by a brand and a half marathon, and that is like a huge, huge goal of mine is to be able to like have opportunities like that and do that, and it was a big bucket list item for this year. 03:51.168 --> 03:56.877 [SPEAKER_00]: And so this whole time I've been thinking, you know, that should be enough time, like overcover, or are we ready by that? 03:56.937 --> 03:59.962 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I've been kind of putting the decision off for a while. 04:00.002 --> 04:04.669 [SPEAKER_00]: And now I go to the point this week where I kind of had to make the choice with them, like, am I in or out? 04:05.130 --> 04:13.783 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was really faced with this conflict of that's something that like, I really want to do, but I know that 04:14.084 --> 04:32.059 [SPEAKER_00]: Physically, it would be a setback for me because if I did that for the sake of I want to check the box of running a half marathon of I want to do this with a brand and be able to say that I got that opportunity and say that I did that that would be amazing part of me wants to just like push myself through it and do it to be able to say that I did it. 04:32.039 --> 04:35.705 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know that like, one, I'm not trained for that whatsoever, too. 04:35.905 --> 04:42.336 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it would be like a big risk of just injuring myself more and pushing my own personal progress. 04:42.536 --> 04:51.411 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a moment where I really had to put my ego aside and say, as much as I want to do that for the perception of it, that's not actually good for me right now. 04:51.451 --> 04:57.962 [SPEAKER_00]: Like genuinely what is personal progress for me right now, post this injury is just being able. 04:57.942 --> 05:01.509 [SPEAKER_00]: to run casually and run injury free and feel fit. 05:01.809 --> 05:19.663 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I can actually be proud of personally as being able to run three miles pain for like I really have to prioritize how this feels to me and my personal progress and looking at like the long game of that and and what it's actually going to mean to me in my life versus ignoring my own personal progress and ignoring like 05:19.643 --> 05:26.170 [SPEAKER_00]: what my situation is right now and what my body is telling me for the sake of being able to do something for the public perception. 05:27.091 --> 05:27.952 [SPEAKER_01]: That's interesting too. 05:28.072 --> 05:40.966 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean in the with the example of having dropped out of a race or literally anything where you have to where you've publicly committed to doing something and then have to decide not to for whatever reason and this does have to be for race. 05:41.006 --> 05:42.388 [SPEAKER_01]: It could be for literally anything. 05:42.828 --> 05:48.334 [SPEAKER_01]: Even if you commit to plans and like 05:48.314 --> 05:49.115 [SPEAKER_01]: whatever reason. 05:49.195 --> 05:51.219 [SPEAKER_01]: You made the decision not to do something in your head. 05:51.660 --> 05:53.963 [SPEAKER_01]: Your gut is telling you you're not going to do it in the back of your mind. 05:53.983 --> 05:54.805 [SPEAKER_01]: You're not going to do it. 05:55.225 --> 06:05.102 [SPEAKER_01]: What you're struggling with and what you're creating this decision around is am I going to tell people that I'm backing out? 06:05.182 --> 06:07.526 [SPEAKER_01]: Am I going to be perceived that I'm quitting? 06:07.686 --> 06:11.993 [SPEAKER_01]: Am I going to publicize the fact that I'm no longer doing the things that I said I was going to do? 06:12.344 --> 06:13.186 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the real fear. 06:13.286 --> 06:24.709 [SPEAKER_01]: It does not actually like, oh, I'm not going to run this race because it doesn't mean you're never going to run the race and even if if you were given a medical diagnosis that you're never going to run this race again, like that's decided for you. 06:25.270 --> 06:26.573 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not up to you to make the decision. 06:27.633 --> 06:31.701 [SPEAKER_01]: whether or not you're going to run it or complete it in this moment or at any time in the future. 06:31.741 --> 06:42.541 [SPEAKER_01]: The decision is how you're going to publicize or announce to yourself or to other people, whether it's, you know, public like Karen had posted that she was going to do a marathon. 06:43.362 --> 06:45.967 [SPEAKER_01]: She had two posts that she was going to do a marathon. 06:46.548 --> 06:50.215 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's even like telling your friends or family something or whatever it may be. 06:50.195 --> 06:55.299 [SPEAKER_01]: The decision isn't actually whether or not you're going to do something because you've made that decision internally with yourself. 06:55.860 --> 07:12.114 [SPEAKER_01]: The decision that causes so much frustration and the decision that we often harp on is how do we share this information when do we share this information and we disguise that as will I or won't I share this information but really what it is is how am I going to share this information with someone other than myself? 07:12.555 --> 07:15.978 [SPEAKER_01]: Because I already know what I've already decided I've already digested it and understood it. 07:16.578 --> 07:17.519 [SPEAKER_01]: Other people haven't. 07:17.779 --> 07:19.881 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah and so that's the big 07:19.861 --> 07:44.687 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why a lot of these times you can bring in focusing more on yourself because chances are a lot of people don't need to know or a lot of the time I think also the conflict comes when you're comparing your own journey to somebody else's or what you know we think the standard should be because I was having the thought when I was literally on my three mile run this morning where I was like you know what I'm like 07:44.667 --> 07:56.041 [SPEAKER_00]: based on for months, not feeling like I could with my ankle, comfortable even running all like I feel really good even just being able to go out and happily run three miles an I enjoy this and this feels good to me right now. 07:56.081 --> 08:02.889 [SPEAKER_00]: So why do I even feel the pressure to feel like I need to explain to other people why I'm not going to do a race or why I'm not going to do that? 08:03.229 --> 08:14.623 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think you know obviously it's because I see so many people who I look up to is athletes and creators and all of this who it seems like they're able to just push their bodies to those limits and do that all the time. 08:14.603 --> 08:37.843 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's kind of like the only reason I'm feeling conflict about this is because I'm comparing myself to where somebody else is rather than just focusing on where I am right now and it doesn't mean that I'm never going to get back there and it doesn't mean that that's never an opportunity that I'm going to be able to pursue but if I'm being really honest and focusing on where I am right now the answer is really clear and I posted this on my Instagram story and somebody wrote me and was 08:37.823 --> 08:59.545 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been feeling so conflicted about this because all of my friends that I work out with our training for a half-marathon, and I really want to be able to do it with them, but like I'm on a personal journey right now of trying to balance my hormones and restore my period and do these things, and I know that I would just be working against myself, and even though that's something that I want to do and feel like I would be physically capable of doing it, 08:59.525 --> 09:03.332 [SPEAKER_00]: The place that I'm in right now with my health, like it doesn't align with that. 09:03.412 --> 09:10.003 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I've been facing this internal conflict as being like, oh, I want to do that because it's this achievement that all of my other friends are doing. 09:10.164 --> 09:13.610 [SPEAKER_00]: But it doesn't actually align with like my personal goals right now. 09:14.531 --> 09:15.834 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is obviously speaking in extremes. 09:15.854 --> 09:24.148 [SPEAKER_01]: So when you focus entirely on yourself, you eliminate other people's perception of you, and you eliminate the feeling of owing other people's explanations. 09:24.128 --> 09:34.481 [SPEAKER_01]: And immediately, the fear and the frustration and the confusion around a lot of these decisions, or around a lot of these thoughts, goes away. 09:34.781 --> 09:45.495 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, if I didn't have other people's perceptions on the line, if I didn't have other people's opinions and thoughts and maybe commitments to other people on the line, I likely wouldn't be feeling 09:46.724 --> 09:56.278 [SPEAKER_01]: a lot if any confusion frustration and whatever it may be with these bigger decisions or life changes or choices that you face. 09:56.461 --> 10:00.908 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not always a scenario of, hey, I'm letting myself and others down. 10:01.088 --> 10:06.336 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just a scenario of choices and different opportunities different paths you can take. 10:06.516 --> 10:21.899 [SPEAKER_00]: So that is one huge way to practice focusing on yourself is anytime you're at a crossroads with a decision, make the choice that supports your personal progress, not the choice that you think aligns with what publicly looks better. 10:21.919 --> 10:26.265 [SPEAKER_00]: That also leads into, you need to be okay 10:27.123 --> 10:31.789 [SPEAKER_00]: I think this is one that I struggle with the most out of all of these points we have. 10:31.809 --> 10:36.074 [SPEAKER_00]: I think for me, I get really, really frustrated when I feel misunderstood. 10:36.114 --> 10:55.358 [SPEAKER_00]: When I think somebody is not seeing me the way that I see myself, when I think people aren't seeing my vision or trusting my vision, it really irks me when I feel like somebody sees me a different way that I see myself or they think that my intentions are different or, you know, 10:56.097 --> 10:59.622 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're living for yourself, you're going to be misunderstood. 11:00.162 --> 11:06.330 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not other people's jobs to completely understand you, to understand the way you think, to understand the things that you do. 11:06.370 --> 11:09.895 [SPEAKER_00]: And also, it's not possible for that to happen either. 11:09.935 --> 11:20.248 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think the more that you really go with your gut and follow your own vision for life, the more that that is likely to be 11:20.228 --> 11:30.269 [SPEAKER_00]: a little bit different than, you know, a cookie cutter scenario or a little bit different than somebody else sees life in order to really trust yourself and do that. 11:30.349 --> 11:37.084 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to get comfortable with being misunderstood because the more we try to make people understand us truly. 11:37.124 --> 11:40.110 [SPEAKER_00]: I think like the more that we put ourselves in a box. 11:40.090 --> 11:45.777 [SPEAKER_01]: But also the fact of the matter is that we, likely, under misunderstand the level of every single day. 11:45.817 --> 11:48.520 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's not a negative thing. 11:48.560 --> 11:53.646 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just a thing because you're only getting one angle of someone. 11:53.666 --> 11:55.889 [SPEAKER_01]: You're only learning a piece of information about someone. 11:56.629 --> 12:02.937 [SPEAKER_01]: And you never are actually experiencing the full picture that they experience for themselves, which is the cool part about being an individual person. 12:03.457 --> 12:03.938 [SPEAKER_01]: But 12:03.918 --> 12:08.905 [SPEAKER_01]: When we are misunderstanding people, that's not a negative thing, it's not a malicious thing. 12:09.045 --> 12:18.738 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it can't be, but most of the time, people aren't misunderstanding you intentionally, and they're not misunderstanding you maliciously, that just is how it goes. 12:19.158 --> 12:26.909 [SPEAKER_01]: And how they perceive you as how they perceive you based on what they've been exposed to, and other people will see different things and appreciate different parts about you. 12:27.870 --> 12:29.993 [SPEAKER_01]: And at the end of the day, 12:29.973 --> 12:40.824 [SPEAKER_01]: When, like, it doesn't matter because no one, no one is identifying that they are misunderstanding you and thinking that's a negative and thinking that's a negative part of you. 12:40.964 --> 12:46.410 [SPEAKER_01]: In my friends from home, see me very differently than my friends from work in the city. 12:46.790 --> 12:48.772 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, no shit that's going to be different. 12:48.792 --> 12:51.955 [SPEAKER_01]: You show up as two different sides of yourself. 12:52.155 --> 12:58.782 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just how it goes in the same way that you can only understand people to a certain 12:58.762 --> 13:02.773 [SPEAKER_01]: caliber, and you can only send what they show you and what you're capable of understanding. 13:02.813 --> 13:04.156 [SPEAKER_01]: That's fine. 13:04.658 --> 13:10.493 [SPEAKER_01]: You probably know that maybe there are different sides of them or stories that they tell you that you don't fully understand, but you can appreciate. 13:10.534 --> 13:12.940 [SPEAKER_01]: And if you do misunderstand them, 13:13.966 --> 13:15.468 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not you don't register it. 13:15.508 --> 13:19.373 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not being registered to anyone except for you if you go looking for it. 13:19.433 --> 13:31.848 [SPEAKER_01]: So at the you like it doesn't matter if you're being misunderstood, as long as you understand yourself and you are comfortable sharing parts of yourself with the people who connect with it most that's the only that matters. 13:32.428 --> 13:36.193 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's why you should be okay with focusing on yourself. 13:36.173 --> 13:52.670 [SPEAKER_01]: And we should practice focusing on yourself because the more you do so, the less you care about how other people perceive you, whether people are perceiving you negatively, which is highly unlikely, or if they're perceiving certain parts of you rather than every single part of you because no one will do that. 13:53.771 --> 14:01.118 [SPEAKER_00]: Something I've noticed is that the people who are most secure with themselves are the ones who are going to be 14:01.098 --> 14:19.393 [SPEAKER_00]: most one understanding of you but also like inquisitive of you and want to genuinely get to know you and understand you and I think if there's anybody who is actively just like not willing to understand you not willing to get to know you then they don't matter like there are so many 14:20.200 --> 14:33.484 [SPEAKER_00]: People out there that like if you're getting frustrated because you think some people just like are not seeing you and are not clicking with you whether it's a friend group that you just feel like totally on the outside of and that you can't actually be yourself with. 14:33.903 --> 14:54.831 [SPEAKER_00]: Anything like that, then those aren't people that need to be in your life because there are enough secure and confident people out there that would be super willing to like get to know you and understand you another thing that really puts it into perspective for me is thinking about how there are so many people that I'm really close within my life and that I love and I do not understand everything about them and about their lives. 14:54.811 --> 15:15.334 [SPEAKER_00]: So many of my friends that I love and like I couldn't tell you what they do at work every day, I can't I can't tell you things about their family dynamics like and these are probably things that are like very central to their life experience and their daily experience and like I don't I don't know it and I don't understand it's like why would I. 15:16.867 --> 15:20.712 [SPEAKER_00]: expect somebody else to completely understand me, you know what I mean? 15:21.293 --> 15:31.285 [SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's moving away from your hometown, whether it is travel, whether it's wanting to do something different with your career, whether it is pursuing a hobby that no one around you is pursuing. 15:31.386 --> 15:45.844 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're doing anything, even a little bit different, but it feels good to you and it feels like what you want to be doing, you need to be strong enough to chase that and trust it and be 15:46.398 --> 15:48.040 [SPEAKER_00]: Because inevitably, that's going to happen. 15:48.301 --> 15:54.750 [SPEAKER_00]: I think the biggest and most tangible way to focus on yourself is to build a good relationship with yourself. 15:55.030 --> 16:07.849 [SPEAKER_00]: It is ridiculously easy to go through the motions of everyday life without ever conceptualizing a thought of your own, without ever reflecting with yourself or like, 16:07.829 --> 16:17.109 [SPEAKER_00]: Literally having any sort of inner dialogue or relationship with yourself, it's really, really easy to never just like take a moment to be with yourself and your own thoughts and get to know yourself. 16:17.670 --> 16:26.749 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that is one of the most game-changing things that you can do in your life is to like actually build in time where you're... 16:26.982 --> 16:28.164 [SPEAKER_00]: getting to know yourself. 16:28.264 --> 16:35.353 [SPEAKER_00]: What it is that you think and what it is that you want, I think some of the the biggest self growth will come through that. 16:35.433 --> 16:37.156 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's very obvious ways to do this. 16:37.236 --> 16:46.328 [SPEAKER_00]: I think journaling is huge because you actually have to write something and you have to write about your thoughts and I think if that's something that you can get in the habit of doing. 16:46.368 --> 16:53.698 [SPEAKER_00]: It's something that like I have always done on and off and I've never been super consistent with on the day to day. 16:53.678 --> 17:08.920 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's like a really great way to just dissect your thoughts, put things on paper and I always come out of things either having clarity about something or feeling motivated about something else or just feeling good that I took my thoughts. 17:08.900 --> 17:10.966 [SPEAKER_00]: out of the spiral of my head and put them on paper. 17:11.367 --> 17:13.252 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't always have to be like that, though. 17:13.332 --> 17:19.870 [SPEAKER_00]: And I will say a daily walk is actually like one of the most reflective times that I have. 17:19.910 --> 17:23.459 [SPEAKER_00]: I think obviously people will talk there so much physical and mental benefits of a daily walk. 17:23.540 --> 17:25.204 [SPEAKER_00]: But something about 17:25.184 --> 17:27.246 [SPEAKER_00]: Moving my body and being active. 17:27.367 --> 17:36.878 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it just like get some creative juices going inside of me or it's the fact that like I'm not on a screen and I'm not on my phone and it really is just like me moving and being with my own thoughts. 17:38.059 --> 17:43.545 [SPEAKER_00]: I just let my brain run and I have some of my most reflective moments. 17:43.585 --> 17:46.128 [SPEAKER_00]: I have some of my most inspired thoughts. 17:46.849 --> 17:52.035 [SPEAKER_00]: When I just go for a daily walk by myself, so truly it can be as simple as. 17:52.015 --> 17:57.380 [SPEAKER_00]: going for a walk with no other purpose other than to just like go for a walk and move your body and think. 17:57.640 --> 18:06.669 [SPEAKER_00]: And it can also just be as simple as creating other chunks of time where you're away from other devices or away from other external thoughts where you can just let your internal dialogue run. 18:06.709 --> 18:17.980 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes before but I would literally just like put a red light mask on my face and put light music on and just like sit for like 20 minutes and just let my mind run before I fall asleep. 18:18.000 --> 18:21.904 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's kind of like a journaling session without the effort of doing the writing 18:21.884 --> 18:29.523 [SPEAKER_00]: but truly it is all about just building time in your day and making it a habit to actually think like oh well what do I think about this? 18:29.623 --> 18:30.525 [SPEAKER_00]: What do I actually want? 18:30.585 --> 18:31.588 [SPEAKER_00]: How does this make me feel? 18:31.648 --> 18:40.028 [SPEAKER_00]: And building a good relationship with yourself so that you make sure that everything you're doing is actually aligned with what you want and with how you feel. 18:40.008 --> 18:48.890 [SPEAKER_01]: Throughout the, you know, lifetime of the show, we've obviously talked a lot about how to get comfortable with yourself and how to grow your relationship with yourself. 18:49.491 --> 18:54.343 [SPEAKER_01]: Definitely you talked about confidence and learning what works and what does not work in your lifestyle. 18:54.363 --> 18:55.907 [SPEAKER_01]: I think those are two. 18:55.887 --> 18:57.029 [SPEAKER_01]: heavy hitters for me. 18:57.069 --> 19:01.956 [SPEAKER_01]: The rules aren't like, oh, you learn the most about yourself while you're meditating. 19:01.996 --> 19:02.517 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, sure. 19:02.537 --> 19:02.937 [SPEAKER_01]: You will. 19:02.997 --> 19:09.887 [SPEAKER_01]: That's like a place where your thoughts can level out and where things, you know, things can come in, just kind of dump and for you to dissect it. 19:10.568 --> 19:16.697 [SPEAKER_01]: But when you actually go out and exist as yourself and practice the confidence and 19:18.972 --> 19:25.978 [SPEAKER_01]: the version of yourself that you found to be true, that's when you get to put yourself into practice. 19:26.638 --> 19:35.106 [SPEAKER_01]: And this can be doing things by yourself or it could be how you show yourself to other people, how you communicate to other people, how you show up in social setting or a work set. 19:35.666 --> 19:48.777 [SPEAKER_01]: Those are the places where you get to practice being yourself and that's where you learn to trust yourself and that's where you learn to put the focus on yourself and how you're showing up rather than how other people are perceiving you, how you are in comparison to other people. 19:48.757 --> 19:58.780 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think you do have to be willing to do things alone to do that, because I think the more comfortable you are doing things alone, the more that you're actually going to do the things that you want to do. 19:59.041 --> 20:04.954 [SPEAKER_00]: It's this like kind of small level of empowerment to be like, oh, I wanted to do this thing. 20:04.975 --> 20:06.057 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just did it. 20:06.037 --> 20:08.860 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I didn't wait for anybody else to be able to do it with me. 20:08.940 --> 20:12.464 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't wait for, you know, a reason to or a specific time. 20:12.505 --> 20:14.146 [SPEAKER_00]: I just had the feeling that I wanted to do this thing. 20:14.166 --> 20:15.328 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I went and did it. 20:15.488 --> 20:18.131 [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to get so much more out of life if you're willing to do things alone. 20:18.151 --> 20:23.077 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's something that a lot of people kind of struggle with because it's uncomfortable. 20:23.297 --> 20:26.621 [SPEAKER_00]: And there are certain things that doing alone can be uncomfortable. 20:26.641 --> 20:30.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I think especially sitting down for a meal and things like that. 20:30.526 --> 20:32.668 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's always this overwhelming sense of like, 20:32.648 --> 20:45.527 [SPEAKER_00]: People are going to know that I'm here alone, no one actually cares, but you're going to get so much more out of life when you're willing to do things alone because you're just going to always do the things that you want to do. 20:45.587 --> 20:51.937 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're also going to meet so many more people that way and probably meet people that are aligned with the life you want. 20:52.698 --> 20:56.243 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're just going and doing the thing that you want it to do and being willing to do it alone. 20:56.223 --> 21:16.662 [SPEAKER_00]: go to a cafe alone go on a walk alone go to an event you want to go to alone if there's nobody that can go with you go alone and push yourself to meet people that puts me out of my comfort zone a little bit i think i'm a very independent person and i'm good i'm good at doing things alone when i'm like truly doing them alone like i'm good at going and sitting and working on a cafe by myself i'm good i'm good at 21:16.642 --> 21:17.724 [SPEAKER_00]: going for a walk by myself. 21:17.765 --> 21:20.651 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm good at going to the gym by myself that are built to be done. 21:20.671 --> 21:35.224 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but it definitely puts me out of my comfort zone to do things alone where I know I'm going to be like socializing alone or around other people alone because you don't have that like one comfort person to to kind of lean on in those situations. 21:35.204 --> 21:40.451 [SPEAKER_00]: But think about how much life we would waste if we were always waiting for somebody else to do things with us. 21:41.353 --> 21:43.596 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to New York City and I'm going alone. 21:43.656 --> 21:56.554 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's something that is definitely going to push me out of my comfort zone because even though I do have friends in the city, I'm only going for two months and if I want to like really get the most out of my experience there and jump right into it, I'm going to have to be willing to do things alone. 21:56.594 --> 22:02.342 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if I want to try a run club, I'm probably going to have to show up to a run club alone and just be willing to talk to people. 22:02.322 --> 22:09.131 [SPEAKER_00]: If I am going to want to try every cafe and every restaurant that I want to try, a lot of the time I'm probably going to go off to sit and have a meal by myself. 22:09.191 --> 22:15.298 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's definitely going to push me, but I also think it's going to be a good practice of just doing the things that I want to do. 22:15.318 --> 22:24.750 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is a huge way that you can really focus on yourself and build the life that you want to do is being willing to do things alone, because it means that you're going to do the things that you want to do. 22:25.331 --> 22:31.519 [SPEAKER_00]: Then that leads into the next point, which is to always push yourself to grow. 22:32.798 --> 22:37.244 [SPEAKER_00]: is to be constantly growing and evolving and to let yourself do that. 22:38.125 --> 22:43.873 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really easy to put yourself in a box to like be what you've always been to do what you've always done. 22:43.913 --> 22:46.676 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's not really what it's about. 22:46.777 --> 22:52.805 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you don't need to follow the same rules that you had for yourself a year ago or five years ago, you don't need to keep yourself in that same box. 22:53.365 --> 23:02.097 [SPEAKER_00]: You should always be doing what feels aligned and like with what you're drawn to be doing right now. 23:02.077 --> 23:07.868 [SPEAKER_00]: Two years ago, three years ago, and think that I was exactly the same, like I would be disappointed in that. 23:08.649 --> 23:14.260 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, if I can look back at myself a year ago, or two years ago, which I can and be like, Oh my god, I'm so different. 23:14.320 --> 23:15.222 [SPEAKER_00]: My life is so different. 23:15.743 --> 23:18.027 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's a really, that's a positive sign. 23:18.267 --> 23:22.836 [SPEAKER_00]: That means that I am growing, that means that my life is constantly evolving. 23:22.816 --> 23:31.994 [SPEAKER_00]: That's one of the biggest signs that you are focusing on yourself is if you're being in tune with yourself and what you want in life and you're letting yourself grow you're not keeping yourself in this box. 23:32.635 --> 23:39.508 [SPEAKER_00]: One, based on what anybody else thinks you should be, but also based on the rules that you've set for yourself. 23:39.488 --> 23:52.006 [SPEAKER_00]: Personally, I feel like I've grown a lot in the last year because I've put myself in situations too and because I have been focused on myself and on growing, I think marathon training was huge for me. 23:52.187 --> 23:59.978 [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I didn't even end up running the race, like I look at that phase as such a time of self growth in self development because one 23:59.958 --> 24:01.760 [SPEAKER_00]: I was doing something that I had never done before. 24:01.780 --> 24:04.824 [SPEAKER_00]: I was pushing my body and pushing my mind. 24:05.024 --> 24:10.511 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that is a huge confidence builder to test yourself and push yourself. 24:10.671 --> 24:14.036 [SPEAKER_00]: And like show yourself that you can do things you've never done before in every week. 24:14.116 --> 24:16.038 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like kind of a new challenge. 24:16.058 --> 24:20.564 [SPEAKER_00]: But it was also just the fact that I was doing something for myself. 24:20.744 --> 24:23.147 [SPEAKER_00]: I was spending time with myself. 24:23.127 --> 24:30.040 [SPEAKER_00]: whether it was on a long run, whether it was figuring out what meals I had to eat to fuel myself right, whether it was, you know, figuring out how I had to recover. 24:30.060 --> 24:39.216 [SPEAKER_00]: I was putting a lot of energy into myself in doing that that I think then translated into feeling like, oh, I am worth putting energy into. 24:39.256 --> 24:46.890 [SPEAKER_00]: I am worth letting myself grow and I think that had like kind of a trickle down into other aspects of my life where it really did push me, 24:46.870 --> 24:48.954 [SPEAKER_00]: To grow in all different ways. 24:49.035 --> 25:07.393 [SPEAKER_00]: I also think the couple of months that we spent in Australia was really huge as well Because it put me in a completely different environment where if I wanted to get the most out of it I had to do things alone or I had to you know Try new things or I had to meet new people and talk to new people and I had to be able to adapt to a new environment and so 25:07.373 --> 25:18.074 [SPEAKER_00]: I honestly kind of look at that summer of marathon training plus the fall in Australia as like a huge trajectory of back to back self growth for me. 25:18.114 --> 25:23.003 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like those two things kind of drove a lot of self growth overall. 25:22.983 --> 25:31.633 [SPEAKER_00]: And knowing that and feeling how much I honestly feel like I grew through those things, I definitely want to continue pushing myself to grow in those ways, but I grew so much. 25:31.733 --> 25:34.616 [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel so good about that that I want to continue doing that. 25:35.317 --> 25:41.644 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that is like a huge driver of why I want to spend this year trying of different environments and going to different places. 25:41.704 --> 25:45.548 [SPEAKER_00]: But I also know that when I'm there, 25:45.528 --> 25:48.212 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be more in tune with myself. 25:48.292 --> 25:49.715 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to journal more often. 25:49.735 --> 25:51.618 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to go on walks where I'm reflecting with myself. 25:51.698 --> 25:54.002 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to do things by myself and meet new people. 25:54.082 --> 26:01.373 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think those were kind of two instances that showed me what environments I really grow in. 26:01.394 --> 26:08.565 [SPEAKER_00]: And so now I want to make an effort to continue putting myself in those environments so that I can continue to grow and I can push myself to grow. 26:08.545 --> 26:20.985 [SPEAKER_00]: And so with all of these, focusing on how you feel versus how your life looks to other people, being okay with being misunderstood, building a good relationship with yourself, being comfortable doing things alone, pushing yourself to consistently grow. 26:21.025 --> 26:34.907 [SPEAKER_00]: These are all different facets of your life that really come down to focusing on yourself and acknowledging that this is your life, and it is your one life, and it is worth spending more time and energy, 26:34.887 --> 26:42.365 [SPEAKER_00]: thinking about that and thinking about what you want and how you want to feel so that you can build a life that actually aligns with you. 26:42.806 --> 26:52.390 [SPEAKER_00]: And it does take some effort and thought to do that because it's really easy to just go through the motions of life without ever checking in with yourself and with what you want. 26:52.370 --> 27:14.220 [SPEAKER_00]: And so hopefully what you guys can get from this episode and from the show in general, is that it would be really dumb to waste your life holding yourself back, based on any rules or box you put yourself in, based on comparing yourself and your journey to other people, based on overthinking other people understanding you or the perception of yourself from other people. 27:14.280 --> 27:19.407 [SPEAKER_00]: And it would be really pointless to spend your life doing anything other than what you actually want to do. 27:19.387 --> 27:20.509 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you guys so much for listening. 27:20.569 --> 27:27.842 [SPEAKER_00]: You can follow us on Instagram, Caroline Kneen, Adam Kaffin Kneen, and that grows with goals pod for all of the podcast updates. 27:28.222 --> 27:33.411 [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you're following the show on Spotify and Apple wherever you listen and we will see you guys next Monday. 27:34.092 --> 27:34.493 [SPEAKER_00]: Bye!