[SPEAKER_00]: This is the jockel underground podcast number two zero one sitting here with echo Charles.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have received questions from you the troopers out in the field and we will respond with answers.
[SPEAKER_00]: Recommendations or courses of action that may help you Make good decisions and move forward or all three on the path Okay, first question hit y'all cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been with my wife now for 11 years since freshman year of high school We've been married for two years and have a nine month old
[SPEAKER_01]: I found the path in college and have rarely strayed since my wife can get on the path for short bursts, but often sizzles out.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I need to fizzles out before seeing real motivational results.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been trying to trust respect, influence, and care for a few years now, but this has often led to miss my goals, workouts and lose.
[SPEAKER_01]: Heads a steam versus bringing her up.
[SPEAKER_01]: If I bring up the slightest hint of this this subject It often gets off and met with so you're saying I need to work out more out of to Understand I've tried leading by example without being too hard charging I have also tried doing things with her
[SPEAKER_01]: with her at her pace, like pickleball, and walks, et cetera.
[SPEAKER_01]: If she doesn't have the same goals as me, I get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it has come to the point where I get judged for waking up early to get to the gym before families is up because my alarm disrupts her sleep.
[SPEAKER_01]: Saying she wishes I could just spend time with her in the morning.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I do that, work out, get missed, and I feel like I'm sitting a bad example.
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the next steps of influence, one of person dysregards all potentially have to make a difference.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for the constant advice and motivation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, glad you mentioned a trustless and respected influence in care because we definitely want to have a good relationship with our spouse, that's the mother of our child, you know, I think I think broadly speaking, I would be trying to get things done that I need to get done and I would give her space, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: She's got a nine month old, she's tired, at least she's got a lot of things going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: What can you do?
[SPEAKER_00]: How can you give her some place?
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you get a vibrating alarm that you were on your wrist?
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't wake her up when you get up in the morning?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's good.
[SPEAKER_00]: People always ask me, like, oh, you know, doing you wake up your wife?
[SPEAKER_00]: No, but I have the blessing that my wife is a heavy sleeper.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she just, she gets up early early now, but back in the day, like she would just sleep through, you know, and I would shut my alarm off quicker, whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, maybe it's a vibrating watch or a vibrating pillow or something.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some way,
[SPEAKER_00]: Like how can we give her space and then let's not talk about it all the time, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You got to give her some space.
[SPEAKER_00]: Get the workouts done when she doesn't really know it, you know what I'm saying.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then spend time with her in the morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we want to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: It sounds like the trustless and respect influence care.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're kind of...
[SPEAKER_00]: outbound right now you're on send mode instead of receive like receive some of this stuff how can you and I I get it you did the pickable thing like you know did the walks letting her influence the what the workout's gonna be but even those things you know if you if you label it as a workout it did it doesn't it doesn't help you know say if you put that label on it in her mind it's a it's a workout
[SPEAKER_00]: it's not what she wants to be doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you might have to stretch that a little bit more.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to figure out what she really wants to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe she wants to, you know, go to a movie with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe she wants to play a board game with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe she wants to go bird watching with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's go beyond something that has to be a physical thing and you know anything that we can do to stretch her thing to make it into a workout.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like pickleball.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so that's just
[SPEAKER_00]: That's kind of not really being influenced by her.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't mean this, how I mean it, how it's gonna sound, but do the workouts have kind of behind her back, you know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Not, not like a thing, not sneaking around, but kind of behind her backwards, you know, it's, she barely even notices that it's going down.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're own time, kind of.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there's a bunch of things that could be happening here, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: like most people are a little bit intimidated slash guilty slash jealous about someone else getting after it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We all know, Jever, Jever, like you're whatever for whatever reason you're doing something early in the morning, something not physical.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like let's you have to drive to work early in the morning one day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's four o'clock in the morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to catch a flight.
[SPEAKER_00]: And as you leave in someone's running.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it's just that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone's out on a run.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you, if you didn't, if you didn't proactively say respect.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: You reactively would say, what the hell is wrong with that guy?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Get a life little jealousy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Little jealousy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Little little intimidation, little guilt.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
[SPEAKER_00]: And these are you and me brother.
[SPEAKER_00]: We work out a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and we still get that little bit of
[SPEAKER_00]: So for someone that's, you know, just had a kid nine months ago and he's trying to keep life together and maybe wasn't that that physical before and now she sees a dude running in the morning and said, well, we're wrong with that guy.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really a little bit of intimidation.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a little bit of guilt.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we need to kind of massage her through those fewings because they're there and bring her slowly on board.
[SPEAKER_00]: is a plan, right, or can you do stuff with the baby, you know, like even going for walks of the baby?
[SPEAKER_00]: Those kids fall asleep in the rock, in the thing, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, we have to let her find the path on her own.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to let people find the path on their own.
[SPEAKER_00]: We cannot force them on the path.
[SPEAKER_00]: We can't force feed them the discipline because they will throw it up all day long.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you force feed people to explain they hate it.
[SPEAKER_00]: They hate it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Look, they already kind of hate it when they force feed it themselves, when they voluntarily drink discipline, they already don't like it kind of, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: They might like their feeling afterward, they might like the results, if they can think strategic for a little bit of time, but most of the time, they're just like, no dude, I don't want this, this tastes bad to me right now and therefore I don't want it.
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you got for a home gym?
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, this is kind of violating what I talked about of like doing things Kind of behind or back, but have you talked about a home gym?
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you maybe thrown a little you know A stair stepper in the garage with a square right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: Where the, just just making a little easier, make a little bit, you know, even for you, you said you gotta go to the gym in the morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: Waking up early to get to the gym, to get the gym in before.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not far you have to drive to the gym, but it is probably at least eight minutes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe even 17 minutes to get to the gym.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, you gotta park, you gotta walk into the door, you gotta show your past, you gotta go into the thing, you gotta get your clothes on.
[SPEAKER_00]: You, there's a bunch of things that are going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's gonna take,
[SPEAKER_00]: I think minimum transition time from home to gym is probably minimum 40 minutes, what do you think?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean depends on where the gym is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I mean less is around the corner.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it can be 40 minutes, for sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so 40 minutes by the way, 40 minutes you're done with your work out if you have a home gym.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's done.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, uh, here's another big thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: habits instead of goals, right, habits instead of goals, meaning, and this is the opposite of what a lot of people say.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you need to set goals, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to, I need to lose weight or I need to get to owned or I need to, whatever, because he mentioned that, um,
[SPEAKER_00]: like she sizzles out before she sees the the results right so instead of saying like here's what you need to achieve just say no let's just about today it's just about doing it's just about feeling good today so let's go for walk
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, oh, I got done.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to put, let's get the baby in the straw.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go for a quick, you know, little around the block.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, let's do, you know, like, what can you do?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we're just doing a little something today, making it about the daily habit and some of these long term goals, which, you know, is like, this is when you say it.
[SPEAKER_00]: She does it for short bursts.
[SPEAKER_00]: If the short burst, she's going to feel good when she does the short bursts, but then she looks at the mirror in three weeks.
[SPEAKER_00]: She goes, do you have been getting up early every day?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't see any
[SPEAKER_00]: So then why do it?
[SPEAKER_00]: So instead, let's focus on, oh yeah, didn't you feel good today?
[SPEAKER_00]: Didn't you feel better today?
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, thanks for spending time with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, that was cool to go for a walk with the kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you make it about the effort and the process instead of the outcome.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's another thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, by the way, all this might take a long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: You've been married for two years.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow, you're, you're, you're, you're marriage and your relationship is going to go through all these different phases and it's going to take a while to figure out how to make all this work.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's no big deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: No big deal at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you gotta play that strategic long game.
[SPEAKER_00]: You think you're gonna change your wife overnight, you're not gonna change your wife overnight.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not even gonna change your in a month.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not gonna change your in six months, but you're gonna look up in eight years and she might be working out more than you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you have the rest of your life to get this figured out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would take and focus on backing off, listening more.
[SPEAKER_00]: doing stuff, not in her face, make, let's focus on habits and daily things that we can do together that are kind of fun, that have nothing to do, that no inkling of, I mean, I literally, if you can get her to do knitting with you for 40 minutes a day right now, I would do that to start with.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or improv, let's do improv game.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, let's play a board game.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever the thing is chess, let's do chess.com.
[SPEAKER_00]: do something that's just, and let's just start building things that we're going to do together that we're going to be fun and eventually, and by the way, those things are primarily her things, and then eventually we get to add in something, and then we can add in whatever we add in a little something.
[SPEAKER_00]: make, let her find the path on her own.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can, you can kind of like put a couple crumbs out on the trail, but you can't grab her by the arm and pull her down the trail.
[SPEAKER_00]: She gonna resist.
[SPEAKER_00]: Put some crumbs out occasionally.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not, not big like giant crumbs, not little cupcakes where she's like, oh, I see what this is.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, don't do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just let her find the path on her own.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you're right about that thing where it essentially make the process enjoyable.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't even see it as a pro- I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody's different.
[SPEAKER_01]: Different relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: I get it wherever.
[SPEAKER_01]: But he said something like really quick where he was like if she has, if she doesn't have the same goals.
[SPEAKER_01]: I get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's kind of like almost like it's this four-gong conclusion that she has like goals with fitness.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not, not everybody's like that, but like I think sometimes we have this vision of like why am I way for my whoever my kids, whatever they're going to get on the path with me because I know the value of the path.
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, once I get them to see that, oh, man, there, sky's a limit for them, you know, kind of a thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, it seems like our hearts are in the right place when we think that or whatever.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, right, some people, the idea of like a gym, like, let's say I go to Target, which I did.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I see some, and, you know, when you're a kid, you walk down aisles and sections and stuff, you want to go to the Toys section and the Candy section.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm walking down the aisle, I see this aisle of dumbbells.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have dumbbells at my house, by the way, a full set.
[SPEAKER_01]: I see a dumbbell, I'm still on 20s.
[SPEAKER_01]: 120s.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I see these only went up to like 40.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm still stopping.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm looking and browsing about to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like, that's my, you know, like, interest or whatever.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was in my son, he was into it too.
[SPEAKER_01]: But some people, they're going to be like, why are we here?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, those dumbbells.
[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, I'd rather not look at dumbbells, because just like, how you said, sometimes they can reflect a little bit of guilt or something like this.
[SPEAKER_01]: or like I said it's just not their thing don't assume she has these fitness goals that just they're just different than yours so I guess this is a bad example but nonetheless so I joined the 24th fitness you know when I moved here saying you go you know I go join my gym or whatever and the guys like oh cool hey what are your fitness goals?
[SPEAKER_01]: Mike Brown don't have fitness course.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want to freaking let's do it like by leave me alone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, stop with the whole goals thing You know or like like let's say you over you know you'd move to Newtown and you open a bank account We'll just say because you need a banker right any checking account.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of what we're doing
[SPEAKER_01]: and you're, let's say, a 20 year old kid, whatever, moderately square it away, we'll say.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the guy goes, hey, so what are your financial goals?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, probably, I don't have financial goals right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Leave me alone with that stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, look, I might find that in the future, 100%.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I change my mind, I'm glad or whatever, but get off my back about these financial goals.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying, so I'm just saying when you start treating your wife like that, like, no, no, no, you need to do this, and then if you don't, you're kind of, it's like a bad thing or whatever,
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was with my daughter, Coach Rana.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, Coach Rana.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was out of Gitu competitions this weekend.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she loves Gitu.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever watched her change Gitu?
[SPEAKER_00]: You've seen pictures of her.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's in the middle of a crazy match.
[SPEAKER_00]: You got a big smile on her face.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, she absolutely loves.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocco Underground podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to continue to listen,
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