WEBVTT 00:02.268 --> 00:04.869 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, everyone, welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 00:04.929 --> 00:06.050 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Steph Thirling. 00:06.110 --> 00:08.411 [SPEAKER_00]: I am so glad that you are with me today. 00:08.431 --> 00:14.254 [SPEAKER_00]: I am talking with Janelle Brightonstein, who is the author of the new book, emotionally strong-ish parenting. 00:14.414 --> 00:17.315 [SPEAKER_00]: Seven shifts for a more resilient, in Jesus' centered home. 00:17.770 --> 00:35.568 [SPEAKER_00]: And I love the ish in that title, strong ish parenting because this conversation is not about becoming a perfectly calm, emotionally healthy parent who never loses it, it's actually about learning to recognize what's happening in our own hearts and bodies invite the Holy Spirit into it and respond to our kids from a healthier place. 00:36.188 --> 00:48.777 [SPEAKER_00]: So we talk about why our emotional health matters to our kids' faith, what's actually happening in our brains when we become reactive, the difference between guilt and shame and why repair can be one of the most powerful things we model for our kids. 00:49.257 --> 00:55.202 [SPEAKER_00]: Janelle also gives us a really practical three-step process we can start using with ourselves and our kids this week. 00:55.842 --> 01:06.125 [SPEAKER_00]: But before we get into it, would you just take one minute to rate and review the Christian parenting podcast reviews are such a simple way to support the show and it also helps other parents find these conversations. 01:06.485 --> 01:10.906 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so, so grateful when you take the time to do that, I really appreciate it. 01:11.586 --> 01:13.927 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, here is my conversation with channel. 01:21.459 --> 01:24.000 [SPEAKER_00]: Hello Janelle, welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 01:24.220 --> 01:25.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Steph, I'm so excited to be here. 01:25.821 --> 01:27.502 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks so much for having me, everybody. 01:27.722 --> 01:29.383 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we are going to have a lot of fun today. 01:29.543 --> 01:33.685 [SPEAKER_00]: But before we just get going right away, we you take a minute to introduce yourself. 01:33.705 --> 01:37.326 [SPEAKER_00]: Hello, it's about who you are, what you do, your family, anything that you want to tell us about. 01:37.487 --> 01:42.409 [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, my name's Janelle Brightonstein, and I'm not sure I'll ever be famous with a last name like that, but... 01:43.289 --> 01:49.891 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not author of emotionally strongest parenting and some other books on parenting that I've released, including how to stop yelling at the stairs. 01:50.091 --> 01:56.153 [SPEAKER_01]: I write for publications like, I've written for focus on the family and family life and Christianity today and things like that. 01:56.353 --> 02:01.195 [SPEAKER_01]: But mainly I'm just a child of God and somehow he interested me with four kids that feel like six. 02:01.395 --> 02:02.395 [SPEAKER_01]: They are all 02:03.015 --> 02:04.956 [SPEAKER_01]: young adults or teenagers right now. 02:05.056 --> 02:18.023 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm in the phase of launching and I live in Colorado, but my family and I spent the bulk of my kids growing up years in Africa where we were with the same organization we are with now, which is engineering ministries in a national. 02:18.063 --> 02:19.944 [SPEAKER_01]: So there's my sound by for you. 02:20.184 --> 02:21.625 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's not that's so fun. 02:21.985 --> 02:23.125 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's a fun stage of life. 02:23.265 --> 02:25.006 [SPEAKER_00]: A different stage of parenting for sure. 02:25.467 --> 02:26.747 [SPEAKER_01]: An expensive stage. 02:27.027 --> 02:28.028 [SPEAKER_01]: Stuff really expensive. 02:29.877 --> 02:33.303 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you really like to imagine it gets less expensive, so thank you for that. 02:33.784 --> 02:36.448 [SPEAKER_02]: Sorry to- Where's anybody but- But he's a fellow there. 02:36.568 --> 02:38.071 [SPEAKER_02]: May college be free for your children. 02:39.348 --> 02:53.131 [SPEAKER_00]: One of my daughters teachers was just telling me that her sons are finally off her car insurance and how much money she saves here and my oldest is going to be driving in a year and I was like, that is not not so true, yes. 02:53.291 --> 02:58.232 [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's a reality, but I'm like, I just would like to be blissfully unaware for a little longer. 02:58.352 --> 03:00.372 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, for just a little bit longer, please. 03:00.432 --> 03:01.273 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm with you. 03:01.293 --> 03:02.473 [SPEAKER_02]: And then just one day be like, no. 03:04.214 --> 03:07.997 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, could it just hit me like a slap in the face rather than the bandage slowly peeling off. 03:08.037 --> 03:08.277 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 03:08.617 --> 03:10.999 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't know, so thanks. 03:11.280 --> 03:11.560 [SPEAKER_00]: Great. 03:11.640 --> 03:12.761 [SPEAKER_00]: We're up to a great start. 03:13.081 --> 03:13.662 [SPEAKER_00]: That's funny. 03:14.082 --> 03:14.402 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 03:14.462 --> 03:19.267 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, today we are not talking about car insurance and college prices, which is great. 03:19.547 --> 03:23.490 [SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about emotionally strong ish parenting. 03:23.951 --> 03:24.031 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 03:24.091 --> 03:25.952 [SPEAKER_00]: I love the ish part. 03:25.972 --> 03:26.413 [SPEAKER_00]: So tell me. 03:26.893 --> 03:28.654 [SPEAKER_00]: a little bit about what that means. 03:29.034 --> 03:38.740 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I don't know about you stuff, but parenting has this way of revealing not who, not just who I think I want to be and the kind of mom I want to be but the kind of mom I actually am. 03:38.920 --> 03:50.026 [SPEAKER_01]: And I've found that while I've been parenting my kids, God has been parenting and growing me up, you know, and thankfully I have parents who've come before me who've just been really great examples of people who've 03:50.226 --> 04:17.047 [SPEAKER_01]: grown in grace and grown in maturity and even at times just repented to ask my mom repented to something to me for something in her parenting just last week and I just think man rather than emotionally strong parenting being something we arrive at man I think far more than perfect parents or even perfect kids I feel like our world needs parents who need Jesus so that's probably my ish that I'm always going to be growing in this and if you're expecting an expert maybe that's the next book over. 04:17.467 --> 04:35.392 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell me at like why we I think we focus a lot on our kids emotional health because obviously that's one of our jobs is to raise kids who are emotionally healthy, but like why does our own emotional health matter so much like why do we need to focus so much on being emotionally resilient ourselves rather than just for them. 04:35.412 --> 04:46.735 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's a really good question stuff and it's challenging right because especially with a lot of the ways that perhaps some of us were raised we get the idea that to focus on our emotional health feels like we're buying into cultural cycle battle maybe. 04:46.915 --> 04:51.038 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, focus on me and I just need time to really focus on myself, that kind of thing. 04:51.199 --> 04:55.682 [SPEAKER_01]: But what I have found is that we're either going to parent out of truth or out of our trauma. 04:55.883 --> 04:59.626 [SPEAKER_01]: And what we do not heal, what we don't prepare, we tend to repeat. 04:59.866 --> 05:04.870 [SPEAKER_01]: And especially when you've got kids with trauma, I think our own trauma can be, can be triggered. 05:05.090 --> 05:08.693 [SPEAKER_01]: But also I'm talking about little tea trauma where it's things that we just haven't healed. 05:08.873 --> 05:10.655 [SPEAKER_01]: And I have found that, you know, if we look at 05:10.995 --> 05:16.058 [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus commands to the Pharisees and well his woes to the Pharisees and Matthew 23 for example. 05:16.418 --> 05:25.002 [SPEAKER_01]: He talks about the kind of people who clean the outside of the cup and dish and not the inside or he talks about them being like white-washed tombs that conceal the bones inside. 05:25.202 --> 05:35.427 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think I have found that to be a follower of Jesus, it demands me to live an examined life and a discerning life to what's actually happening in my heart rather than not liking those emotions in the eye. 05:35.807 --> 05:39.208 [SPEAKER_01]: because those things do trickle down to my kids, but that's not the only reason. 05:39.528 --> 05:42.628 [SPEAKER_01]: God's called me to love him first of all with all my heart. 05:43.068 --> 05:48.589 [SPEAKER_01]: And I actually think that's an intentional order that he put in that command because I'm the only one who can tend to my heart. 05:48.949 --> 05:49.810 [SPEAKER_01]: My kids can't do that. 05:50.150 --> 05:52.650 [SPEAKER_01]: My husband doesn't, that's not even his responsibility. 05:52.970 --> 05:56.751 [SPEAKER_01]: It's my responsibility to make sure that I'm fully identifying what's going on within me. 05:57.211 --> 06:02.432 [SPEAKER_01]: And just like the songs say, unite my heart to share your name or, you know, with my whole heart, I worship you. 06:02.632 --> 06:03.752 [SPEAKER_01]: How can I worship? 06:04.072 --> 06:10.515 [SPEAKER_01]: And parent authentically from the inside out, rather than just the parent, I think I'd like to be sent into the question. 06:10.775 --> 06:14.737 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think what you just said was really interesting that we're the only ones who can tend to our heart. 06:15.197 --> 06:21.019 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think we often look to outsiders for that, including our kids, especially our spouses or our friends. 06:21.059 --> 06:22.620 [SPEAKER_00]: But we do it to our kids too. 06:22.800 --> 06:24.801 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is not fair on this. 06:24.821 --> 06:26.582 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I find myself doing it all the time. 06:26.902 --> 06:27.782 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sure. 06:27.882 --> 06:28.443 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry. 06:28.883 --> 06:29.183 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, 06:29.723 --> 06:38.387 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I'm expecting of you, but you're younger, I'm an adult, like I should be able to, you know, like, only I can do this, but we do look for outside influences to tend to our heart. 06:38.567 --> 06:39.667 [SPEAKER_00]: And isn't that, I mean, Jesus. 06:39.987 --> 06:51.272 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yeah, and isn't that kind of part of pop psychology that the idea being that if I am, if I, for example, talk to my spouse in a certain way, then that person will be regulated. 06:51.932 --> 06:58.475 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's actually my responsibility to regulate them, which there are parts of that in the Bible that for sure, like a gentle answer turns my wrath. 06:58.675 --> 07:03.798 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we have different, you know, be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. 07:04.038 --> 07:10.421 [SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, first, God says, look at the log in your own eye, even in dealing with conflict, before we deal with others. 07:10.561 --> 07:13.903 [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, it's our responsibility to regulate with God. 07:14.123 --> 07:17.125 [SPEAKER_01]: I would say to self-regulate, but I actually believe that that's done with the Holy Spirit. 07:17.505 --> 07:34.339 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and then we're able to to effectively tend others regulate others regulate our kids rather than expecting them to regulate our insecurity or our fear that's how we end up letting control and things like that actually parent our kids it ends up being our dysfunction that ends up parenting our kids. 07:34.619 --> 07:34.919 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 07:35.279 --> 07:35.539 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 07:35.759 --> 07:35.960 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 07:36.000 --> 07:41.402 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to get a little bit more into all regulation and all of those things, but yeah, first kind of big picture. 07:41.742 --> 07:48.684 [SPEAKER_00]: How do you think that emotional health and parents impacts a child's faith in resilience, long term? 07:48.885 --> 07:49.965 [SPEAKER_00]: You use an example. 07:51.705 --> 07:57.949 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, but you'd find in the book, there's a, let's picture, you've got your pretty, do you have any pre-teens stuff? 07:58.229 --> 07:58.510 [SPEAKER_00]: I do. 07:58.790 --> 07:59.050 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 07:59.190 --> 08:10.517 [SPEAKER_01]: So let's picture one of your pre-teens, you know, they're coming home from school or I don't know what your schooling choice is, but they're sitting at your bar, on a bar stool, you know, they're eating jalapeno kettle chips, you know, but he wants your style things are just flying, right? 08:10.557 --> 08:17.442 [SPEAKER_02]: Because he's been to my house, I've been to mine, I literally have a child leave cherry pits on the floor. 08:19.682 --> 08:28.766 [SPEAKER_01]: So you're talking about something that's important to your faith, you know, or a verse that we're praying, you're trying to be a good parent, who loves Jesus and they say something like, I'm not sure I believe all that stuff. 08:29.126 --> 08:35.369 [SPEAKER_01]: And their eyes kind of like, I'm not sure if I believe in God and their eyes kind of slide to you and then slide away. 08:35.709 --> 08:38.050 [SPEAKER_01]: And there are all sorts of different responses you could have in that, right? 08:38.230 --> 08:43.792 [SPEAKER_01]: You could have, oh, I need to pull out all my apologetics answers from college because we need to fix this step, right? 08:44.113 --> 08:46.774 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to order every kid's version of the least 08:47.714 --> 08:57.636 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm going to put them on the shelf and they're going to need to do a book report or something like, you know, honey, that's just not God's way, you know, let's take a minute and pray. 08:57.736 --> 09:09.559 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, that kind of thing, there all sorts of different ways that are fear in that moment could really affect that child's faith journey because actually statistics show that kids whose doubts are welcome in the home. 09:17.741 --> 09:19.943 [SPEAKER_02]: It's incredible. 09:20.183 --> 09:26.869 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, just this idea that we can actually create a sacred space for them and their emotions. 09:27.049 --> 09:31.573 [SPEAKER_01]: Here's another example of how this could actually maybe affect faith throughout a lifetime. 09:31.913 --> 09:37.758 [SPEAKER_01]: I think we all know people whose mom's anxiety ruled the home, and that was a significant part of their childhood. 09:37.938 --> 09:39.700 [SPEAKER_01]: Dad's anger was out of control. 09:40.360 --> 09:41.801 [SPEAKER_01]: And these are the effects. 09:42.061 --> 09:45.302 [SPEAKER_01]: This is how our kids are our seeing God or responding to God. 09:45.322 --> 09:48.923 [SPEAKER_01]: They get an idea of what God looks like in our homes. 09:49.263 --> 09:54.805 [SPEAKER_01]: And so the emotional health that we have or don't, I actually think can river out generations. 09:54.825 --> 09:55.906 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not trying to be alarmist. 09:56.346 --> 10:02.168 [SPEAKER_01]: I just think there's actually huge effects for how we tend our hearts and how those effects affect our kids. 10:03.028 --> 10:04.549 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'll give you one more example. 10:04.689 --> 10:07.331 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how you feel about purity culture in the 90s. 10:07.471 --> 10:12.074 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have a great experience with it, but I know that a lot of people right now who went through that are actually deconstructing. 10:13.115 --> 10:17.638 [SPEAKER_01]: There were some things that were really holy and good and well-intentioned from purity culture. 10:18.038 --> 10:29.533 [SPEAKER_01]: but there were some definite messages that came across that were not gospel to me, because they got the idea that the sin that God wouldn't forgive or the one that he couldn't redeem would be sexual impurity. 10:29.713 --> 10:34.699 [SPEAKER_01]: And so even though that was no doubt created to protect kids, maybe even in a bunker or 10:37.433 --> 10:49.244 [SPEAKER_01]: But instead, that lack of emotional wholeness and seeing your sexual purity as a spiritual barometer, that unfortunately is having effects in 2026 on the number of people who are deconstructing. 10:49.884 --> 10:53.347 [SPEAKER_01]: So again, I'm not trying to be alarmist and just trying to say, hey, this does matter. 10:53.507 --> 10:55.609 [SPEAKER_01]: How we love God in our emotions does matter. 10:55.649 --> 10:56.530 [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think, Steph? 10:56.710 --> 10:57.591 [SPEAKER_01]: That's a lot of information. 10:57.831 --> 11:02.733 [SPEAKER_00]: No, well, I love your focus on biblical truth, but also neuroscience. 11:03.033 --> 11:05.353 [SPEAKER_00]: And just being like, this is what's happening in our brain. 11:05.413 --> 11:12.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is how we respond to things, this is how our kids respond to you know, and all that, all of it comes together because that's the way God made us to be. 11:12.476 --> 11:16.377 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we are spiritual people who have amazing brains that God made us. 11:16.897 --> 11:17.738 [SPEAKER_01]: God created studies. 11:17.938 --> 11:18.378 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 11:18.398 --> 11:18.659 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 11:18.699 --> 11:19.780 [SPEAKER_00]: So it all comes together. 11:19.800 --> 11:24.704 [SPEAKER_00]: And I love how you talk about that and how it's not just, it's not our emotions that are leading this. 11:24.744 --> 11:26.726 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it's literally our brains and our hearts. 11:27.026 --> 11:35.474 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's just so important in learning to recognize that in ourselves so that we don't have to be reactive so that we can respond well to our kids. 11:35.494 --> 11:39.358 [SPEAKER_00]: Because it really does have long-term implications with how we respond to our kids. 11:39.378 --> 11:41.760 [SPEAKER_00]: Because when we respond out of absolute panic, 11:42.080 --> 11:44.401 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when they're saying, I don't know if I believe this anymore. 11:44.562 --> 11:49.044 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you were on out of absolute panic and it's like, I'm not allowed to do anything else. 11:49.364 --> 11:50.945 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not allowed to believe anything else. 11:50.985 --> 11:52.186 [SPEAKER_00]: And then they get outside the home. 11:52.506 --> 11:54.647 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, well, now I can do whatever I want. 11:55.028 --> 11:55.648 [SPEAKER_00]: Yep. 11:55.668 --> 11:55.828 [SPEAKER_00]: Yep. 11:56.268 --> 11:58.170 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even tell anybody about this as well. 11:58.250 --> 11:58.470 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 11:59.090 --> 12:06.174 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, I'll put together my own toolbox or I'll wing it or I'll go to people who can help me talk through those. 12:06.934 --> 12:07.855 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, totally. 12:08.175 --> 12:08.435 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 12:08.755 --> 12:14.058 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk a little bit more about the neuroscience about moving from reactive to resilience. 12:14.078 --> 12:20.522 [SPEAKER_00]: What's actually happening in our bodies when we're parenting out of fear, exactly anxiety, anger, all those things. 12:20.822 --> 12:23.724 [SPEAKER_01]: There's so many places I could go with that and I'm excited about it. 12:23.804 --> 12:25.585 [SPEAKER_01]: So you may have to just stop me from the 12:25.805 --> 12:31.151 [SPEAKER_02]: from the garage, or maybe I'll be here on this podcast and I'll fight flight freeze and I don't remember any of it, we'll see. 12:31.491 --> 12:33.433 [SPEAKER_01]: But we'll do the episodes. 12:33.453 --> 12:34.675 [SPEAKER_01]: You're right, there you go. 12:34.875 --> 12:46.208 [SPEAKER_01]: So you actually pointed out that our brains are often in fear or some, you probably heard it referred to as flight freeze, although some other science is indicating there's also fun as a response people pleasing, actually being one of those. 12:46.688 --> 12:50.010 [SPEAKER_01]: and just faint like, you know, I faint kind of deado inside. 12:50.030 --> 12:51.731 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like totally emotionally flooded. 12:52.072 --> 13:01.678 [SPEAKER_01]: But in those moments, they've actually found, for example, that for your brain to move out of fight flight freeze and your child's brain, it takes 20 to 60 minutes. 13:01.938 --> 13:03.359 [SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know about you. 13:03.579 --> 13:07.040 [SPEAKER_01]: I am not the holiest version of myself in my dreams. 13:07.200 --> 13:08.981 [SPEAKER_01]: I am because I don't know, I don't know. 13:09.801 --> 13:14.003 [SPEAKER_01]: No, and Neuro-Theologian Jim Wilder, James Wilder. 13:14.303 --> 13:26.448 [SPEAKER_01]: He says, and he calls part of this enemy mode, because actually, your fight flight freeze, like here's your brain, you probably heard Dan Seagull, the nurse, like this neurophysic high-trust, talk about stuff. 13:26.468 --> 13:30.130 [SPEAKER_01]: This is your frontal lobe coming over the more basic parts of your brain. 13:30.390 --> 13:38.958 [SPEAKER_01]: And when you're in fight flight free, as you clip your lid, he says, you know, you're your prefrontal cortex, which I call the image of God part of your brain. 13:38.998 --> 13:39.899 [SPEAKER_01]: It helps you with planning. 13:39.959 --> 13:41.520 [SPEAKER_01]: It helps you with strategy. 13:41.560 --> 13:43.942 [SPEAKER_01]: It helps you to make intentional moral decisions. 13:44.062 --> 13:51.649 [SPEAKER_01]: All the things that God asks of us wisely that actually comes kind of unhitched from the toddler part of our brain, which is now running the show. 13:51.849 --> 13:55.152 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, that also means to me that the Holy Spirit is also 13:56.093 --> 14:03.018 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not listening to him, and I'm certainly not trying to connect with my child because I see them also in an enemy enemy mode, right? 14:03.658 --> 14:06.580 [SPEAKER_01]: So 20 to 60 minutes to even get out of that. 14:07.221 --> 14:19.810 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so now you and I and both know stuff that with toddlers a lot of times you've got to attach a consequence immediately to an action because of their undeveloped free frontal cortex as it cortices. 14:19.890 --> 14:20.230 [SPEAKER_01]: Those are 14:25.053 --> 14:29.715 [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times do the better version of our parenting when everybody settled down, and that means your child as well. 14:30.336 --> 14:34.118 [SPEAKER_01]: And their brain is going to be more open, so you're not dealing with their defenses. 14:34.438 --> 14:37.359 [SPEAKER_01]: You can actually talk about what happened, and you can be curious. 14:37.739 --> 14:43.142 [SPEAKER_01]: Steve Cuss, the Christianity today podcaster, he says that curiosity is one of the power tools. 14:43.705 --> 14:44.946 [SPEAKER_01]: of emotional health. 14:45.026 --> 14:48.948 [SPEAKER_01]: We need to be curious about what's happening so we can stop it from happening again. 14:49.269 --> 14:58.374 [SPEAKER_01]: I use another, this is maybe more relatable for all of us who are parents, but when I talk about anger, I talk about potty training your anger because I was a terrible potty trainer. 14:58.394 --> 14:59.135 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going to say that. 14:59.935 --> 15:13.260 [SPEAKER_01]: But one of the patterns we see in potty training is that there's a pattern of first, you start realizing I just went that just happened, you know, and then start really, oh, this is this is happening right now and then you realize oh, no, I'm about to I need to find a bathroom. 15:13.520 --> 15:17.342 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so if we're training our brains we first need to be curious about 15:17.902 --> 15:21.025 [SPEAKER_01]: the triggers, the things that got us there when we're honest. 15:21.246 --> 15:23.648 [SPEAKER_01]: Then, oh, eventually we can train ourselves, oh, this is happening. 15:23.848 --> 15:27.272 [SPEAKER_01]: I need to step away from my kids, so I can get self-control and listen to the Holy Spirit. 15:27.452 --> 15:39.344 [SPEAKER_01]: And then, hopefully, we know when we've been listening to our bodies, kind of like kids who are body training, I realize that when I start breathing fast and I feel this pain in the center of my chest, I'm anxious, this is gonna happen. 15:39.425 --> 15:40.125 [SPEAKER_01]: I need to step away. 15:40.966 --> 15:42.488 [SPEAKER_01]: Is that our answering your question a little bit? 15:42.908 --> 15:43.208 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 15:43.489 --> 15:43.729 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 15:43.809 --> 15:44.390 [SPEAKER_00]: No, it does. 15:44.510 --> 15:45.511 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's really helpful. 15:45.531 --> 15:49.154 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I think we always want it, especially as our kids get older. 15:49.234 --> 15:53.959 [SPEAKER_00]: First of all, we've spent so many years in the, like, we need to give a consequence now. 15:54.039 --> 15:55.300 [SPEAKER_00]: We need to address this now. 15:55.380 --> 15:58.744 [SPEAKER_00]: And then all of a sudden, you have to, that's not helpful. 15:59.965 --> 16:01.986 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's, they can suddenly talk back. 16:02.266 --> 16:08.590 [SPEAKER_00]: You're free to ignore your team, like, I don't know, sometimes I just like look at my kids and like, I miss the days when I could just pick you up and put you in the car. 16:08.610 --> 16:09.970 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, too bad, we're going. 16:10.451 --> 16:12.852 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, do you have those shoes? 16:12.972 --> 16:14.093 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, we have what we need. 16:14.573 --> 16:15.713 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we don't have those shoes. 16:15.753 --> 16:17.534 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just gonna carry you on, I don't care. 16:17.554 --> 16:18.555 [SPEAKER_00]: Just like, get in the car. 16:18.575 --> 16:19.956 [SPEAKER_02]: We can't care so really. 16:20.076 --> 16:21.677 [SPEAKER_02]: And they're just way harder to control. 16:22.497 --> 16:27.640 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so you do you have to retrain yourself to be like, Okay, I'm getting upset. 16:27.800 --> 16:30.121 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't pick them up and physically move them. 16:30.181 --> 16:31.782 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't make them do anything. 16:31.842 --> 16:34.183 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to make myself do stuff actually. 16:34.203 --> 16:35.663 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's different. 16:35.944 --> 16:41.046 [SPEAKER_01]: Art we try and I like when we're parenting according to Jesus way, we're trying to create ownership in them. 16:41.246 --> 16:45.228 [SPEAKER_01]: Not behavior management because that's what Jesus condemned in the Pharisees, right? 16:45.608 --> 16:52.932 [SPEAKER_01]: Even though it's what we insist on in our kids, so often, we're trying to create a hard change, which is honestly what only God can do for us, Corinthians 36. 16:52.992 --> 16:54.912 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I planted a Paulus watered. 16:55.333 --> 17:00.775 [SPEAKER_01]: God gives the growth, salvation belongs to our God, his healing, everything, all that heart transformation belongs to him. 17:00.815 --> 17:01.636 [SPEAKER_01]: So what's our job? 17:01.836 --> 17:06.778 [SPEAKER_01]: Paul says, you know, neither he nor what's, he, that water is nor he that plants. 17:07.098 --> 17:07.939 [SPEAKER_01]: I've got that backwards. 17:08.119 --> 17:11.280 [SPEAKER_01]: It's anything that God gives the growth, but we are God's co-labours. 17:11.320 --> 17:12.421 [SPEAKER_01]: It says we're cultivating. 17:15.322 --> 17:15.963 [SPEAKER_01]: your management. 17:16.183 --> 17:18.426 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, which is, again, very hard. 17:18.446 --> 17:24.112 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I'm having more more conversations at our ending with all of my kids of like, I can't make you do anything. 17:24.232 --> 17:26.575 [SPEAKER_00]: We've talked and we've gone through everything. 17:26.595 --> 17:28.037 [SPEAKER_00]: It's up to you to make a choice now. 17:28.417 --> 17:31.421 [SPEAKER_00]: And yes, are done and you're like, well, okay. 17:32.672 --> 17:33.693 [SPEAKER_02]: It's so discouraging. 17:33.813 --> 17:40.238 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so many times where I'm like, this is your choice and what I want to be like is we see this, right? 17:40.299 --> 17:40.799 [SPEAKER_02]: We see it. 17:40.859 --> 17:41.740 [SPEAKER_02]: We want, what's this? 17:41.780 --> 17:42.560 [SPEAKER_02]: It's the right one. 17:42.721 --> 17:44.262 [SPEAKER_02]: This is the right one right here. 17:44.682 --> 17:45.543 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 17:46.183 --> 17:54.691 [SPEAKER_00]: What about all the feelings of shame that come with parenting, you know, or just like, I'm not enough, like, I messed up. 17:54.891 --> 17:55.872 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't pause. 17:55.972 --> 17:57.193 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't give my kids a choice. 17:57.513 --> 17:58.654 [SPEAKER_00]: I acted out of anger. 17:58.934 --> 18:00.796 [SPEAKER_00]: I lost my mind again, you know, 18:00.976 --> 18:05.298 [SPEAKER_00]: We all, it doesn't matter how much of this we know or how Holy Spirit filled. 18:05.318 --> 18:07.539 [SPEAKER_00]: We are, we all make mistakes because we're all here. 18:07.819 --> 18:10.961 [SPEAKER_00]: So, no one is neither of us are sitting on this podcast. 18:10.981 --> 18:16.163 [SPEAKER_00]: We're like, I never, anyone who knows me would be like, okay, I would know kidding, especially my kids. 18:16.203 --> 18:17.604 [SPEAKER_02]: Do they want to press play on this one? 18:18.104 --> 18:18.504 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 18:18.524 --> 18:25.648 [SPEAKER_00]: So, but with all that in mind, how does the gospel change the way we think about those failures as parent? 18:25.828 --> 18:27.529 [SPEAKER_01]: But waking adults, I have found, 18:28.349 --> 18:31.394 [SPEAKER_01]: kind of consistent across the board, but maybe you haven't experienced it. 18:31.434 --> 18:37.563 [SPEAKER_01]: So maybe it's just me, but young adults a lot of times they're kind of we could say deconstructing your parenting a bit. 18:37.763 --> 18:43.472 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you went through this in college, but I started realizing, okay, there's some things about my parents parenting that we're not okay. 18:43.812 --> 19:06.030 [SPEAKER_01]: To me or things I want to do differently are maybe I'm just a different person and so my kids have been forthright about some of those things And I have had many long phone calls and coffees and breakfasts and things like that to try to welcome those for lots of reasons Part of that is my own growth part of that is the need to hear what's going on, but I'm gonna I kind of said this a little bit earlier But I'll say it in a different way. 19:06.050 --> 19:11.314 [SPEAKER_01]: I just remember talking to a friend about a way that I've blown it and she just kind of said it in a really basic way on the phone. 19:11.355 --> 19:11.855 [SPEAKER_01]: She just said 19:12.215 --> 19:14.656 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, perfect parenting isn't the goal, right? 19:14.856 --> 19:16.276 [SPEAKER_01]: Parents who need Jesus of the goal. 19:16.337 --> 19:18.997 [SPEAKER_01]: Because news flesh or kids are not going to be for perfect parents either. 19:19.358 --> 19:24.399 [SPEAKER_01]: And instead, are we creating a culture of just, I, for lack of a better term, gospel culture? 19:24.759 --> 19:26.480 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry, I forgive you in our culture. 19:26.740 --> 19:28.121 [SPEAKER_01]: In our homes, a subculture. 19:28.361 --> 19:29.101 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll give you an example. 19:29.261 --> 19:37.464 [SPEAKER_01]: When my oldest son was for, I, we were always in a hurry because I had four kids for, for an under, like, it was a mad house. 19:37.604 --> 19:37.804 [SPEAKER_01]: I was, 19:38.204 --> 19:40.786 [SPEAKER_01]: floating on a sea of apple juice with goldfish on top. 19:40.806 --> 19:43.667 [SPEAKER_01]: Like there was no coming up for air for a while. 19:43.767 --> 19:48.430 [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, one day week I would go for a day of ministry in the office. 19:48.530 --> 19:52.132 [SPEAKER_01]: And the iron is not lost on me that because we were in a hurry that morning I yelled at my son. 19:52.713 --> 19:56.035 [SPEAKER_01]: And I do think, I mean, it was, there, he did something wrong. 19:56.335 --> 19:59.657 [SPEAKER_01]: And but I think I was in the name of discipline yelling at him. 19:59.997 --> 20:01.378 [SPEAKER_01]: really shepherding his heart. 20:01.438 --> 20:02.820 [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, I got to work. 20:03.040 --> 20:10.326 [SPEAKER_01]: I was, I feel like the Holy Spirit was convicting my heart, so I call him on the phone, and I just said that I was sorry to him. 20:10.686 --> 20:15.250 [SPEAKER_01]: And he just said, Mommy, I just want to let you know, when you do bad things, God still loves you. 20:15.571 --> 20:17.713 [SPEAKER_01]: And I still love you, even when you do bad things. 20:17.913 --> 20:18.854 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know what he was doing? 20:19.454 --> 20:21.195 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like a four-year-old version of the gospel. 20:21.555 --> 20:23.015 [SPEAKER_01]: He was repeating it back to me. 20:23.315 --> 20:28.357 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, I guess what I'd love to say is, oh, don't feel those feelings of shame and things like that. 20:28.377 --> 20:31.518 [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think shame, which is, I feel like shame is different than guilt. 20:31.698 --> 20:35.519 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that we need to feel that are sin separate to this from God. 20:35.719 --> 20:37.900 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like that can be a lie used by the enemy. 20:38.240 --> 20:44.822 [SPEAKER_01]: But as far as all the things you do to mess up your kid, maybe what we would want to hear as listeners is, you didn't mess up your kid. 20:45.163 --> 20:46.243 [SPEAKER_01]: Instead, I will tell you, 20:46.623 --> 20:49.724 [SPEAKER_01]: you are going to be a broken parent and in some ways you're going to mess up your kid. 20:49.924 --> 20:50.344 [SPEAKER_02]: Yay! 20:50.564 --> 20:51.544 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm full of good news today. 20:52.164 --> 21:06.047 [SPEAKER_00]: But I just had this conversation with a friend though, because we were talking about how she's like, she felt really bad because they had an instant in your family and she felt like one of her sons really struggles with shame and then they yelled at him and she feels like, I feel like we're just making a worse. 21:06.407 --> 21:07.528 [SPEAKER_00]: But he had made a mistake. 21:09.188 --> 21:18.416 [SPEAKER_00]: He should have felt bad, but it was like the difference is he should have felt guilt because guilt about what you did in shame is about who you are. 21:18.737 --> 21:19.697 [SPEAKER_00]: And so great. 21:19.717 --> 21:21.059 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want him to feel shame. 21:21.179 --> 21:24.622 [SPEAKER_00]: We want him to feel bad about his mistake. 21:24.822 --> 21:25.703 [SPEAKER_01]: That's healthy, right? 21:25.803 --> 21:28.806 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but we have values and who we are. 21:28.826 --> 21:33.630 [SPEAKER_01]: That's that's guilt exposure and that's healthy and that leads to all sorts of positive things in our kids. 21:33.850 --> 21:40.787 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it's not just subtle difference guilt and shame, but I just told her I'm like, you probably are doing things that will make him feel shame. 21:41.997 --> 22:03.172 [SPEAKER_00]: You probably are and your parents probably did to you too and at the end of the day to camp be perfect for our kids and prevent that all the time But what we can do is repair and reconcile and that's exactly what you and your husband did and at the end of the day isn't that the greatest lesson is that even in your shortcoming and then my shortcoming Grace still lives here and we still forgive. 22:03.192 --> 22:03.692 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you 22:04.092 --> 22:05.833 [SPEAKER_01]: It's those are gospel windows. 22:06.013 --> 22:18.781 [SPEAKER_01]: Some of our kids' darkest moments are some of the chances to speak what Jesus did for us to them and our ruptures in our home, our conflicts, our chance to replay how he dealt with his conflict with us. 22:19.001 --> 22:28.886 [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, those are major, the loss is real, but we're teaching our kids, oh yeah, rupture and repair, those are normal cycles of human relationship. 22:29.306 --> 22:30.707 [SPEAKER_01]: And here's what we do. 22:30.807 --> 22:38.291 [SPEAKER_01]: And now, if you're friend, I mean, when I've acted towards shame with shame toward my kids, man, to go back and say, and I botched that. 22:38.631 --> 22:43.393 [SPEAKER_01]: You actually, there was something wrong there, but I handled that in a way that shamed you. 22:43.573 --> 22:48.536 [SPEAKER_01]: I just wanna let you know, I love you no matter what, don't say idiotic decisions. 22:48.936 --> 22:53.341 [SPEAKER_02]: But I think sometimes, that's another podcast, right? 22:53.381 --> 22:59.508 [SPEAKER_02]: Can I say that that was an idiot, a decision and still, what can I say to my kids when they make silly choices? 22:59.689 --> 23:00.830 [SPEAKER_00]: What's so far, right? 23:01.030 --> 23:01.290 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 23:01.831 --> 23:05.776 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm thinking about people listening right now, who are like, okay, now what do I do? 23:05.856 --> 23:09.500 [SPEAKER_00]: And you offer like shifts that your family could start. 23:09.640 --> 23:17.572 [SPEAKER_00]: So if, in your book, so if people are listening and they're like, okay, yes, this sounds great, but I'm overwhelmed, like now I'm thinking about emotional health. 23:18.313 --> 23:19.334 [SPEAKER_00]: What do I need to do? 23:19.394 --> 23:24.482 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, what's like a small shift this today or this week that parents could start with. 23:24.662 --> 23:30.711 [SPEAKER_01]: For that parent out there, first of all, I just want to say kudos, missing that as a priority and to just looking things in the eye. 23:31.051 --> 23:33.514 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's a big step on the whole. 23:34.997 --> 23:39.543 [SPEAKER_01]: For me, I'll suggest a three step process that a parent could do. 23:40.003 --> 23:43.186 [SPEAKER_01]: I think you do it with yourself, and then when you've done it with yourself, you do it with your kid. 23:43.526 --> 23:47.649 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so the first step would be identify, identify what you're feeling. 23:47.989 --> 23:49.270 [SPEAKER_01]: Identify what's going on with you. 23:49.411 --> 23:52.993 [SPEAKER_01]: What are the things that are the parts of your emotion that are legitimate? 23:53.354 --> 23:54.615 [SPEAKER_01]: And what's illegitimate? 23:54.815 --> 23:57.657 [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome, God's presence into those emotions. 23:57.737 --> 24:01.360 [SPEAKER_01]: If you're angry, I'd encourage you to look, that's a secondary emotion. 24:01.500 --> 24:02.521 [SPEAKER_01]: What's underneath your anger? 24:02.641 --> 24:03.281 [SPEAKER_01]: Is it fear? 24:03.401 --> 24:04.222 [SPEAKER_01]: Is it disappointed? 24:04.262 --> 24:05.003 [SPEAKER_01]: Is it rejection? 24:09.786 --> 24:11.308 [SPEAKER_01]: really familiar and comfortable with this. 24:11.328 --> 24:13.650 [SPEAKER_01]: You could download the feelings wheel from the internet. 24:13.690 --> 24:15.992 [SPEAKER_01]: I've actually put them inside my cupboard. 24:16.392 --> 24:19.655 [SPEAKER_01]: My kids still either joke about it or love it, depending on what Tony talked to. 24:20.396 --> 24:23.499 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so then we can go into the step of manage. 24:23.639 --> 24:27.162 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, what does God say are appropriate boundaries on this, on this emotion? 24:27.483 --> 24:27.743 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 24:28.063 --> 24:31.746 [SPEAKER_01]: and then eventually shepherding that emotion to look more like Jesus. 24:31.846 --> 24:41.714 [SPEAKER_01]: And all of those are just done in God's presence, rather than leaving some of our emotions outside that are, we don't think are holy to go, I don't know, grab a smoke or whatever they do on it. 24:42.155 --> 24:47.759 [SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, even things like fear, the more that we can look this in the eye, the more that we welcome God to change them. 24:48.480 --> 24:48.780 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 24:49.220 --> 24:51.262 [SPEAKER_01]: So we actually see Jesus do a version of this in 24:54.885 --> 24:55.586 [SPEAKER_01]: to the point of death. 24:55.926 --> 25:00.851 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, we also see him just praying about it and we see him not letting anxiety. 25:00.872 --> 25:04.736 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, he seeks that he seeks his friends, you know, he seeks community. 25:05.036 --> 25:07.579 [SPEAKER_01]: He says not my will, but yours, he shepherds that. 25:07.819 --> 25:12.944 [SPEAKER_01]: There are all sorts of ways that Jesus actually, in his moment, a fight fight freeze, which was quite legitimate. 25:14.046 --> 25:18.090 [SPEAKER_01]: you know, he seeks to identify and manage and shepherd his emotion. 25:18.310 --> 25:20.432 [SPEAKER_01]: So if you can do that, then you're ready to parent. 25:20.773 --> 25:22.715 [SPEAKER_01]: You're ready to help your child identify their emotion. 25:22.975 --> 25:29.382 [SPEAKER_01]: And because some of them, especially the little ones, they don't have a pre-frontal cortex developed yet, that doesn't develop until they're like in their 20s, they're 25:29.742 --> 25:30.222 [SPEAKER_01]: even 30. 25:30.442 --> 25:38.187 [SPEAKER_01]: And so sometimes they need to kind of use yours and you can help them, you know, identify what they're feeling and then you can help the management and manage them. 25:38.267 --> 25:47.652 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, God says that we only use words that build up, you know, or it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hurt yourself or to hurt other people or hurt stuff or you know. 25:47.933 --> 25:51.435 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we can shepherd, hey, God loves you when you're angry. 25:51.775 --> 25:55.297 [SPEAKER_01]: How do you think he wants you to deal with this anger in a way that honors him? 25:55.777 --> 25:58.479 [SPEAKER_01]: So I would say identify managed shepherd and then do that with your 25:58.899 --> 25:59.860 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that. 26:00.201 --> 26:03.565 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think that's just super practical and just love a three-point stat. 26:04.026 --> 26:04.867 [SPEAKER_02]: I love it. 26:05.327 --> 26:06.008 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't worry. 26:06.328 --> 26:08.551 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, yeah, I'm freaking out, but at least I can do three steps. 26:09.272 --> 26:10.033 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, love it. 26:10.113 --> 26:11.655 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, can't to wrap this up. 26:11.675 --> 26:13.437 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you tell us about your book? 26:13.578 --> 26:14.879 [SPEAKER_00]: Where were you confined it? 26:15.140 --> 26:17.743 [SPEAKER_00]: How we can connect with you so I can get all that. 26:17.883 --> 26:18.443 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 26:18.483 --> 26:18.783 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks. 26:18.803 --> 26:19.464 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get asked. 26:19.624 --> 26:19.864 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 26:19.964 --> 26:21.845 [SPEAKER_01]: It's called Emotionally Strongish Parenting. 26:21.925 --> 26:25.587 [SPEAKER_01]: Seven shifts for a more resilient and Jesus centered home. 26:25.827 --> 26:26.867 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's published by now. 26:26.887 --> 26:27.187 [SPEAKER_01]: Press. 26:27.468 --> 26:28.548 [SPEAKER_01]: It'll be out November 3rd. 26:28.568 --> 26:30.589 [SPEAKER_01]: You can find it wherever books are sold. 26:30.669 --> 26:31.669 [SPEAKER_01]: How do we get to connect with you? 26:31.870 --> 26:34.431 [SPEAKER_01]: I would love for you to reach out at genelbrightinstein.com. 26:34.571 --> 26:39.653 [SPEAKER_01]: Also, if you cannot spellbrightinstein, the dash awkward-mom.com also works. 26:39.853 --> 26:42.194 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to be kicking up my Instagram presence. 26:42.214 --> 26:43.235 [SPEAKER_01]: So find me on Instagram too. 26:43.515 --> 26:46.877 [SPEAKER_01]: out, I will put your website and your Instagram in Showman. 26:46.897 --> 26:47.998 [SPEAKER_01]: So people can just go to the club. 26:48.478 --> 26:48.898 [SPEAKER_01]: That's great. 26:48.979 --> 26:49.839 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes, that's great. 26:49.899 --> 26:52.981 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, and there's a sub stack, uh, do not under the same name, Janelle Brighton's down. 26:53.041 --> 26:53.281 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 26:53.521 --> 26:53.662 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 26:53.862 --> 26:54.262 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll get it. 26:54.282 --> 26:56.423 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see people who's clicking on it too. 26:56.603 --> 26:56.783 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 26:57.164 --> 26:57.384 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 26:57.564 --> 27:00.166 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you so much for being here and sharing your wisdom. 27:00.306 --> 27:01.887 [SPEAKER_00]: I love this conversation. 27:01.927 --> 27:05.129 [SPEAKER_00]: I think people are going to be feeling very encouraged with some practical help. 27:05.189 --> 27:06.530 [SPEAKER_00]: So I appreciate your time. 27:06.750 --> 27:06.990 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks. 27:07.030 --> 27:09.331 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for just making space for such a valuable topics. 27:09.432 --> 27:10.512 [SPEAKER_01]: So I appreciate your podcast 27:12.617 --> 27:15.898 [SPEAKER_00]: I love Janelle's reminder that perfect parenting is not the goal. 27:15.938 --> 27:17.858 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're all about at Christian parenting. 27:18.338 --> 27:19.659 [SPEAKER_00]: We are going to get things wrong. 27:19.759 --> 27:24.300 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to react instead of respond sometimes, but those moments don't have to be wasted. 27:24.320 --> 27:32.262 [SPEAKER_00]: They can become opportunities to apologize, repair, extend grace, and show our kids what the gospel actually looks like in real life. 27:33.002 --> 27:39.646 [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you go check out Janelle's new book, Emotionally Strongish Parenting, Seven Shifts for a more resilient and Jesus centered home. 27:39.986 --> 27:45.749 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to link the book, Janelle's website, and all the ways that you can connect with her in this show notes that you can easily find it. 27:46.309 --> 27:53.033 [SPEAKER_00]: And if this episode encourages you, which you please leave a rating and review for the Christian parenting podcast, it really truly does help more parents find this show. 27:53.413 --> 27:57.256 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you have a friend who you think needs this conversation, send this episode their way to. 27:57.416 --> 27:58.978 [SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it so much. 27:59.638 --> 28:01.259 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you again for joining me. 28:01.319 --> 28:02.560 [SPEAKER_00]: May God bless you this week. 28:02.901 --> 28:05.923 [SPEAKER_00]: May God give you the wisdom to notice what's happening in your own heart. 28:06.343 --> 28:19.654 [SPEAKER_00]: Grace for the moment when you get it wrong and the humility to repair when you need to, may the Holy Spirit help you respond to your kids with patience, truth, and love, and may your home be a place where the grace of Jesus is experienced again and again.