WEBVTT 00:01.067 --> 00:05.108 [SPEAKER_01]: There's love is love on the queer family but good, love is love. 00:05.808 --> 00:16.532 [SPEAKER_00]: The assumption is when you go to a provider, any provider, if you ask to be tested for like SES, as a SD panel, as the iPad panel, that they're going to test you for HIV too. 00:17.092 --> 00:29.876 [SPEAKER_00]: HIV is not always included in it, or a beast is not also included in it all the time, but the assumption is that they're absolutely, is also the assumption that if you're pregnant you're going to also get tested, that is an assumption. 00:30.915 --> 00:36.359 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it is not law, it's policies, it's policies. 00:36.759 --> 00:38.440 [SPEAKER_02]: So you have to be sure to ask. 00:38.980 --> 00:44.003 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then when you're pregnant, you're probably going to have more sex, more condomless sex. 00:44.824 --> 00:47.546 [SPEAKER_00]: So why are you even considering 00:48.623 --> 00:50.444 [SPEAKER_00]: getting tested all three trimesters. 00:51.025 --> 00:55.208 [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome y'all to the queer family podcast to show all about family but with gay. 00:55.448 --> 01:03.034 [SPEAKER_02]: This show that highlights celebrates uplifts and normalizes the ligipic to claw families and all of our fabulous identities and y'all. 01:03.054 --> 01:04.155 [SPEAKER_02]: This conversation is 01:04.675 --> 01:05.076 [SPEAKER_02]: fire. 01:05.576 --> 01:22.236 [SPEAKER_02]: We are veering away a little bit from our normal content which is talking about how we build our families and how we show up in the world and we're talking about HIV in this year episode and HIV advocacy and getting rid of the stigma surrounding. 01:22.816 --> 01:23.236 [SPEAKER_02]: HIV. 01:23.316 --> 01:29.019 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a really wonderful conversation with two experts on HIV awareness. 01:29.419 --> 01:33.721 [SPEAKER_02]: I got to sit down with Messiah and Jarel and you're going to hear more about them in this episode. 01:33.741 --> 01:36.602 [SPEAKER_02]: But there's one thing I would just want to say before I roll the tape. 01:36.922 --> 01:43.405 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I grew up in San Francisco in the 80s and 90s when HIV and AIDS were a huge part of the conversation. 01:43.866 --> 01:47.247 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I did go into this interview thinking I was pretty well informed. 01:47.687 --> 01:50.629 [SPEAKER_02]: And it turns out there was so much I didn't 01:51.609 --> 02:02.762 [SPEAKER_02]: And what really struck me about this conversation with Massanya and Jrel, is how far the science has actually come, but how far behind our conversations have fallen. 02:03.183 --> 02:09.811 [SPEAKER_02]: We are still carrying around so much fear, so much stigma, and so much outdated information. 02:10.331 --> 02:13.993 [SPEAKER_02]: and as a parent, this is when y'all are going to really want to lean in close. 02:14.053 --> 02:27.319 [SPEAKER_02]: This one really hit home because I realized there are conversations I haven't been having with my own kids and things I haven't been teaching them about advocating for their own health, some really big takeaways. 02:27.740 --> 02:31.281 [SPEAKER_02]: This conversation really did remind me that we don't have to have 02:34.823 --> 02:45.470 [SPEAKER_02]: We do have to be willing to listen and to learn alongside our children, and that's exactly why I wanted to bring this conversation to the queer family podcast and to y'all. 02:45.771 --> 02:49.914 [SPEAKER_02]: I think you're getting to have some nice aha moments in this year episode. 02:49.954 --> 02:51.955 [SPEAKER_02]: So without further ado, let's get into it. 02:52.075 --> 02:54.397 [SPEAKER_02]: We ran a little bit long because we had so much to talk about. 02:54.657 --> 02:59.080 [SPEAKER_02]: Helen, Bula, get over here and roll this tape and watch this conversation too. 02:59.300 --> 02:59.800 [SPEAKER_02]: That's a good one. 02:59.961 --> 03:00.361 [SPEAKER_02]: Here we go. 03:01.626 --> 03:04.208 [SPEAKER_00]: Clear family, but good, love is love. 03:05.029 --> 03:06.590 [SPEAKER_02]: Hi, Miss Anya and Jarelle. 03:07.191 --> 03:08.051 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey there. 03:09.192 --> 03:10.794 [SPEAKER_02]: It is so wonderful to have you. 03:10.834 --> 03:11.775 [SPEAKER_02]: We've been chit chatting. 03:12.195 --> 03:12.796 [SPEAKER_02]: It's been fun. 03:12.816 --> 03:14.257 [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to have a great conversation. 03:14.397 --> 03:21.623 [SPEAKER_02]: I cannot wait to dig in so that our listeners at home know who you are and why you're here talking to the queer fam squad as I like to call them. 03:22.023 --> 03:25.086 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's dive right into our 30 second elevator pitches. 03:25.106 --> 03:28.229 [SPEAKER_02]: I think you have volunteer to go first. 03:28.709 --> 03:29.632 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I am going to put this timer up. 03:29.652 --> 03:30.033 [SPEAKER_02]: So get ready. 03:30.053 --> 03:30.254 [SPEAKER_02]: All right. 03:30.274 --> 03:31.497 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to put this timer up. 03:31.698 --> 03:32.420 [SPEAKER_02]: So get ready. 03:32.560 --> 03:33.142 [SPEAKER_02]: All right. 03:33.342 --> 03:34.204 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to put this timer up. 03:34.225 --> 03:35.067 [SPEAKER_02]: So get ready. 03:36.755 --> 03:37.035 [SPEAKER_02]: Go. 03:37.416 --> 03:38.216 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello, everyone. 03:38.277 --> 03:39.618 [SPEAKER_01]: My name is Jerome Hartnett. 03:39.678 --> 03:40.979 [SPEAKER_01]: My pronouns are he, him. 03:41.179 --> 03:45.904 [SPEAKER_01]: I serve as the Associate Director of Education and Advocacy here at Glat, coming upon three years. 03:46.284 --> 03:55.232 [SPEAKER_01]: At the greatest opportunity of being the lead author of the 2026 HIV Sticker report, also on someone who still happens to be live with HIV, so I come from a lived experience. 03:55.252 --> 04:01.258 [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things I really do enjoy is that ordinary people are always doing extraordinary things and welcome to the podcast. 04:01.912 --> 04:03.533 [SPEAKER_02]: What beautiful. 04:03.593 --> 04:08.675 [SPEAKER_02]: That was like media trained that that like people could take lessons from that. 04:08.735 --> 04:15.038 [SPEAKER_02]: That was amazing and I know you did just win an award because you are an ordinary person doing extraordinary things. 04:15.078 --> 04:15.698 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a writer. 04:15.738 --> 04:18.640 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a wrong you are right all the way. 04:18.700 --> 04:24.282 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, which which I think we'll hear about before we get into that because we got a lot to dig into. 04:24.302 --> 04:25.543 [SPEAKER_02]: I love your pitch. 04:25.983 --> 04:27.244 [SPEAKER_02]: The pressure's on, Ms. Sanya. 04:27.304 --> 04:27.844 [SPEAKER_02]: Are you ready? 04:27.884 --> 04:28.604 [SPEAKER_00]: I see. 04:29.105 --> 04:33.187 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go, whoa, I'm like, I'll be in 15 seconds if that's the case. 04:33.927 --> 04:35.848 [SPEAKER_02]: But don't worry, like I said, I'll never catch you off. 04:36.048 --> 04:36.349 [SPEAKER_02]: Never. 04:36.609 --> 04:37.609 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm too nice for that. 04:37.929 --> 04:39.310 [SPEAKER_02]: But we're going to get into it on your mark. 04:39.730 --> 04:40.231 [SPEAKER_02]: Get it? 04:40.871 --> 04:41.731 [SPEAKER_02]: Go, Ms. Sanya. 04:42.032 --> 04:44.153 [SPEAKER_00]: Alright, so my name is Ms. Sanya Trailer. 04:44.213 --> 04:51.937 [SPEAKER_00]: Also known as immunominated producer as well as a mother of two and nonprofit organization. 04:52.697 --> 05:06.634 [SPEAKER_00]: Executive Director and founder of Lady Burgundy who services women and youth across the South East spaces of the United States for HIV and AIDS prevention and intervention. 05:07.208 --> 05:13.372 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been living with HIV for 16 years now, 15 of them publicly and absolutely love, love, love. 05:13.852 --> 05:17.634 [SPEAKER_00]: Who I serve and what I get to do in the world as an extraordinary person. 05:17.975 --> 05:18.475 [SPEAKER_02]: There it is. 05:18.655 --> 05:20.876 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I love that you flipped the script on that one. 05:20.896 --> 05:21.377 [SPEAKER_02]: Good job. 05:21.417 --> 05:21.817 [SPEAKER_02]: Good job. 05:22.157 --> 05:23.278 [SPEAKER_00]: That was amazing, too. 05:23.658 --> 05:24.559 [SPEAKER_00]: And you both are out. 05:25.119 --> 05:32.325 [SPEAKER_02]: here in the world doing some really extraordinary things, especially surrounding HIV and HIV stigma. 05:32.565 --> 05:38.470 [SPEAKER_02]: So I would really just love to start diving into the topic at hand here, what we what we're here to talk about. 05:38.790 --> 05:47.477 [SPEAKER_02]: And we usually talk for the listeners, I know we usually dig deep into one family's family journey, but today we're going to talk about HIV and the stigma surrounding it 05:51.100 --> 05:57.943 [SPEAKER_02]: becoming more of a problem in this day and age, which is not shocking, given the regime we are living under. 05:58.183 --> 05:58.464 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 05:58.604 --> 06:05.887 [SPEAKER_02]: So let's just dig in while you're both out there advocating for awareness of HIV. 06:06.207 --> 06:08.568 [SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us a little bit about that? 06:09.769 --> 06:10.629 [SPEAKER_00]: Where do we begin? 06:10.909 --> 06:11.930 [SPEAKER_02]: Where do we begin? 06:12.782 --> 06:38.390 [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of my primary focus has been around women in youth over the last 15 years being someone who got diagnosed while I was pregnant and having birth in HIV negative baby I saw a lot of gaps and what I needed as a pharmacy technician so not only was I dispensing medication so other people living with HIV privately, them not knowing about my status but also being supportive. 06:38.710 --> 06:42.192 [SPEAKER_00]: and needing support for myself while supporting others. 06:42.733 --> 07:01.024 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a little bit of where I began, but my journey has evolved around the state of HIV for what I've noticed is really happening within language, within media, within stigma, for all people, not necessarily just one population, but many. 07:01.878 --> 07:11.179 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, really is impacting a lot of individuals that are not being, well, just neighborhoods and communities that are not being prioritized in the conversation. 07:11.838 --> 07:21.625 [SPEAKER_02]: I do feel like having been a kid who grew up in the 80s and 90s in San Francisco where HIV and AIDS was the topic at hand and it was a very scary thing. 07:21.726 --> 07:36.597 [SPEAKER_02]: I do feel like there is a huge gap in conversation when it comes to this disease that is highly preventable now and also you can live with comfortably now and many people do, 07:39.579 --> 07:41.621 [SPEAKER_02]: really, really strong and growing. 07:42.282 --> 07:43.843 [SPEAKER_01]: So Jamie, I actually want to speak to that. 07:43.903 --> 07:48.608 [SPEAKER_01]: It's really interesting when you talk about you growing up in San Francisco around the 70s and 80s. 07:48.988 --> 07:56.535 [SPEAKER_01]: And actually within the 12th month calendar year, there was only one movie that actually reflected someone living with HIV and progressed to AIDS. 07:56.775 --> 07:58.277 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's the movie called Fairyland. 07:58.677 --> 08:01.400 [SPEAKER_01]: But also that movie was dated back within the 80s. 08:01.440 --> 08:03.362 [SPEAKER_01]: And that was also a tragedy story. 08:03.802 --> 08:15.529 [SPEAKER_01]: The one thing that we're actually missing today are stories are actually reflective of today's time that are not rooted in tragedy, trauma, it's not the scary, but showing people who are a little bit in thriving with HIV. 08:15.969 --> 08:20.532 [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things I think about even about for myself, but in the past two years, I purchased a home. 08:20.872 --> 08:22.213 [SPEAKER_01]: I have healthy relationships. 08:22.533 --> 08:23.854 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't show stories like that. 08:23.894 --> 08:26.495 [SPEAKER_01]: We are showing stories that are going to be rooted in fear. 08:26.955 --> 08:30.117 [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't want people to live in that space. 08:30.137 --> 08:32.939 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's what's actually impacting our youth when we think about that. 08:33.419 --> 08:41.027 [SPEAKER_01]: specifically from my family perspective, because parents are afraid to have conversations and open dialogue because of data information. 08:41.527 --> 08:44.671 [SPEAKER_01]: The scientists have moved forward, the knowledge of people have not. 08:45.420 --> 08:46.340 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 08:46.360 --> 08:47.020 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, 100%. 08:47.360 --> 09:11.306 [SPEAKER_02]: And like let's speak to speak to like why is why is representation so important when it comes to HIV awareness and HIV stigma and also I would love to talk about the difference in representation in the media now versus the difference in representation in media years ago, I can speak a little bit to the part around like that representation piece. 09:11.926 --> 09:21.194 [SPEAKER_00]: Oftentimes, I have found myself not only have a been a younger parent, that generationally, the conversations are not intergenerational. 09:21.234 --> 09:31.622 [SPEAKER_00]: So, the younger children or the younger kids are basically saying that they don't understand what there is to be afraid of, because no one is even talking about it. 09:32.222 --> 09:36.326 [SPEAKER_00]: And then also what's the big deal you could just take medicine, so if I got it, 09:36.946 --> 09:39.567 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll just take my medicine and that's it. 09:39.607 --> 09:44.009 [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of times people aren't hearing the youth aren't hearing about HIV testing. 09:44.329 --> 09:52.972 [SPEAKER_00]: The parents are still traumatized and scared from what was happening in the beginning of an air assuming that the schools are teaching. 09:54.181 --> 09:59.965 [SPEAKER_00]: They are assuming that, oh, that's not in my neighborhood, so there's another ring as well, that's happening. 10:00.346 --> 10:08.532 [SPEAKER_00]: But like I said, from working in the pharmacy in different locations, I don't know, you can see who's taking wet medications and what's happening in each neighborhood. 10:08.872 --> 10:19.259 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can see where the gaps are, even with a grandmother or a parent, who may be a millennial or a boomer or a generation ex, 10:23.382 --> 10:35.825 [SPEAKER_00]: Gen Z is there not getting an alpha, they're not getting the information at all because it's like well, the people that we know that are living with HIV, they're fine. 10:35.845 --> 10:37.945 [SPEAKER_00]: So what's there to talk about? 10:37.965 --> 10:41.106 [SPEAKER_00]: Or it's not as prevalent as it used to be. 10:41.226 --> 10:43.007 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't realize it was still a problem. 10:44.047 --> 10:48.008 [SPEAKER_00]: I never talked about it with my kids because growing up we had their program. 10:49.013 --> 10:50.534 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't they have that day still? 10:50.874 --> 10:57.736 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's a lot of misinformation and quiet conversations happening where there's more confusion than knowledge. 10:58.637 --> 11:12.062 [SPEAKER_02]: Jarel, can you speak to that from Glad's point of view and the research that Glad has done talking about like the importance of representation in the media and what it's doing, the lack of it is doing. 11:12.722 --> 11:13.302 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 11:13.482 --> 11:14.883 [SPEAKER_02]: Gen Z, Jan Alpha. 11:15.283 --> 11:17.024 [SPEAKER_01]: No, and I'm really happy to speak about this. 11:17.064 --> 11:26.731 [SPEAKER_01]: So on April 11, 1991, that's one of the different world actually aired an episode that talked about the transition of someone that lived with HIV and progressed at eight. 11:27.191 --> 11:28.773 [SPEAKER_01]: And so that person is transition. 11:29.213 --> 11:36.318 [SPEAKER_01]: Now today, 35 years later, we actually have a show that now, now talking about a transition about a toolbox for prevention. 11:36.778 --> 11:41.440 [SPEAKER_01]: And so that's what we need to have more stories that reflect of that for our younger generation. 11:41.720 --> 11:47.863 [SPEAKER_01]: But also, I want to think about this for my cultural standpoint as well, because once again, there's a multitude of audiences. 11:48.223 --> 11:51.565 [SPEAKER_01]: And so not many black and brown people will watch heat arrive every. 11:51.605 --> 11:54.006 [SPEAKER_01]: But why not have a episode in heat at rivalry? 11:54.026 --> 11:56.247 [SPEAKER_01]: That's also talking about what's happening. 11:56.287 --> 12:00.769 [SPEAKER_01]: You can still use it as a tool to have conversations to reach mobile to audiences. 12:00.889 --> 12:03.811 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to be mindful that different people watch different show. 12:04.291 --> 12:08.212 [SPEAKER_01]: So we have to use multiple vehicles to reach people in different spaces. 12:08.652 --> 12:16.234 [SPEAKER_01]: It can no longer be just a regular campaign ad that's just on a commercial, but we have to reach the audience where they are. 12:16.334 --> 12:25.255 [SPEAKER_01]: We have our younger audience who are on TikTok, who are listening to podcasts such as yourself, Jamie, where they want to hear this information, but also normalize a conversation. 12:25.736 --> 12:27.256 [SPEAKER_01]: When they're using these language models, 12:32.897 --> 12:40.780 [SPEAKER_01]: They're not understanding how to actually insert questions into the system flight chat or call, so they're not receiving the correct tools. 12:41.140 --> 12:59.308 [SPEAKER_01]: And so also that's nothing that speaks to the rollback of financial support within the CDC and supporting CBO's community-based organizations, ASOs, ASR's organization where you can have peer navigators that have these real authentic conversations with the younger generation to meet them where they are. 12:59.790 --> 13:02.272 [SPEAKER_02]: everything you just said, and it sounds like such. 13:02.672 --> 13:09.036 [SPEAKER_02]: It sounds like we need to do so much more, and we're not, and there's so much censorship. 13:09.556 --> 13:21.583 [SPEAKER_01]: There is so much censorship, but the one thing that we live in today where once some of the research that Gladha has identified is that we have more people who are on podcast today where we can reach this audience. 13:21.843 --> 13:27.667 [SPEAKER_01]: We have roughly 12 million people who are listening to over 12 hours of podcast today having these conversations 13:28.407 --> 13:30.829 [SPEAKER_01]: This is a platform where you are a trusted source. 13:31.230 --> 13:46.485 [SPEAKER_01]: And so once we do our research and shout out to you, Jamie, for the work that you have been doing for a community for quite some time, we can lean into podcasts such as the queer family podcast to understand what the truth is, but also bring in on people who are practitioners in these spaces for the audience to understand what's happening. 13:46.685 --> 13:46.925 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 13:47.426 --> 13:54.391 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, the majority of my audience is parents or soon to be parents who are really trying to raise our children. 13:54.611 --> 13:58.054 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, we're have to be extremely intentional with our family building. 13:58.194 --> 14:01.697 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we also extremely intentional with our parenting. 14:02.117 --> 14:13.787 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, you know, this is going to be like, I feel like we're preaching to the choir a little bit speaking to my audience because we're all, we're all going to talk to our kids about HIV and AIDS and protecting yourself. 14:14.327 --> 14:26.815 [SPEAKER_02]: and also all the myths that go along with HIV and AIDS, which I want to dig into because I know Missania, you found out you were HIV positive when you were a young pregnant person, correct? 14:27.517 --> 14:27.817 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 14:28.417 --> 14:46.065 [SPEAKER_02]: Can we can we go into that a little bit and like and take us to that moment when you found out and and let's talk about kind of the the myths, the myths, I'm a can't think of the where I'm looking for but the things we have wrong about HIV pregnancy birth. 14:46.785 --> 14:49.786 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh wow um so when I think 14:51.747 --> 14:58.694 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, it's been 16 years now, so when I found out it was, I found out it had HIV first. 14:59.377 --> 15:03.299 [SPEAKER_00]: And then a few weeks later I found out that I was also with a child that I was pregnant. 15:04.120 --> 15:10.384 [SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't really have my time to process anything and I was still finishing college at the time. 15:10.664 --> 15:19.870 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's a long I was taking what they call now a like a gap year, I didn't we didn't call it a gap year at that time, but I was taking a gap year. 15:20.810 --> 15:24.153 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I noticed, 15:25.213 --> 15:42.941 [SPEAKER_00]: Over time, while you were speaking, I don't want to forget this is that we didn't quite have right either as young adults because I learned that I was in high school with classmates that we're living with HIV that were born with an HIV diagnosis. 15:43.897 --> 15:54.324 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had no clue like the days that they missed school, they were out because they were sick or they had lost their parents and you know there was a funeral that they went to instead. 15:54.844 --> 16:00.748 [SPEAKER_00]: So it has been definitely still rooted in shame and secrecy and silence. 16:01.748 --> 16:21.508 [SPEAKER_00]: When I found out, I had helped ensure I had great health insurance through my mom who was working for the federal government at the time and I very mature for my age so I could get on any public transportation and if I was missing classes, I knew to ask for a note, I had to check in my hands so I could pay for that coffee fee. 16:22.408 --> 16:26.130 [SPEAKER_00]: And I went to and from the OBGYN's office. 16:26.190 --> 16:35.113 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was seeing an obstetrician gynecologist that I was going to since the age of 12, 11 or 12 years old since I started my mincees. 16:35.973 --> 16:37.714 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had a relationship with them. 16:38.414 --> 16:41.575 [SPEAKER_00]: I had already given birth to my son by then. 16:42.476 --> 16:47.838 [SPEAKER_00]: So they knew that I was in long-term relationships. 16:48.638 --> 17:04.512 [SPEAKER_00]: And so they didn't have it that I could have HIV potentially what I learned was that I was advocating for myself at the time because I asked to be tested for everything and they asked what you know they were like okay. 17:04.872 --> 17:06.373 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we'll wait, what is everything? 17:06.854 --> 17:10.517 [SPEAKER_00]: I asked what is everything because the assumption is when you go to a provider, you 17:11.157 --> 17:35.869 [SPEAKER_00]: Any provider if you ask to be tested for like SES as a as to be panel SCI panel that they're going to test you for HIV too HIV is not always included in it or Beasts is not also included now all the time, but the as such that's there Absolutely as also this assumption that if you're pregnant you're going to also get tested that is an assumption Oh It is not law 17:36.931 --> 17:39.111 [SPEAKER_00]: is policies, it's policies. 17:39.512 --> 17:41.192 [SPEAKER_02]: So you have to be sure to ask. 17:41.732 --> 17:46.733 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then when you're pregnant, you're probably going to have more sex, more condomless sex. 17:47.573 --> 17:53.194 [SPEAKER_00]: So why are you even considering getting tested all three trimesters? 17:53.634 --> 17:54.835 [SPEAKER_00]: Wait. 17:54.875 --> 17:58.315 [SPEAKER_00]: In HIV, if you know what like I do, it's a tricky virus, and I may not show it right away. 17:59.035 --> 18:04.017 [SPEAKER_00]: It may show up within that, you know, three month mark 90 days, right? 18:06.577 --> 18:10.338 [SPEAKER_00]: trimester of the pregnancy that you get 390 day marks. 18:10.918 --> 18:35.382 [SPEAKER_00]: So, for me, because it was my annual thing to do, I have friends that were having a lot of fun, more fun than I, and my way of not judging them was to, if you're going to be participating in things that we would consider at the time risky, what I would consider at that time risky we would today is more so like, I don't see it as risky, 18:36.062 --> 18:36.382 [SPEAKER_00]: for language. 18:36.402 --> 18:37.763 [SPEAKER_00]: I would be the one that carry condoms. 18:37.783 --> 18:41.206 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew where all the teen centers were, any health clinics they could go to, just very resourceful. 18:41.226 --> 18:43.347 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, well, if you're going to do it, at least use condoms. 18:43.387 --> 18:43.587 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 18:43.607 --> 18:44.208 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, here you go. 18:44.248 --> 18:44.628 [SPEAKER_00]: Here you go. 18:44.648 --> 18:45.428 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I would have them in my purse. 18:45.448 --> 18:46.549 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I would get judged by security. 18:46.569 --> 18:47.210 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, you're ready. 18:48.170 --> 18:48.450 [SPEAKER_00]: Aren't you? 18:48.971 --> 18:50.732 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, you know, I would get judged by security. 18:50.752 --> 18:51.472 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, you're ready. 18:51.532 --> 18:51.753 [SPEAKER_00]: Aren't you? 18:51.773 --> 18:53.033 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, you know, I would get judged by security. 18:53.053 --> 18:54.334 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, I would get judged by security. 18:54.354 --> 18:56.676 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, I would get judged by security. 18:56.696 --> 18:58.297 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, I would get judged by security. 18:58.757 --> 19:01.540 [SPEAKER_02]: No, like also who are they also gross. 19:01.640 --> 19:02.261 [SPEAKER_02]: Why are you? 19:02.641 --> 19:20.300 [SPEAKER_00]: You list, but you know as soon as you open it up and they see a couple of condoms and like, oh, okay, you said you because you know that was it at the time out of them, especially if you're not going to if you're going to a heterosexual club HIV don't exist over here is the thought process, you know 19:22.211 --> 19:30.714 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I got diagnosed, I had to ask the provider, I knew her pretty well and I said, hey, we get tested for everything. 19:30.754 --> 19:34.735 [SPEAKER_00]: I asked her what was everything she mentioned, literally everything, but an HIV test. 19:34.755 --> 19:38.456 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, wait a minute, I would like to have an HIV test. 19:38.516 --> 19:39.876 [SPEAKER_00]: And Cluta, you didn't say HIV. 19:39.896 --> 19:45.758 [SPEAKER_00]: She said, well, Massanya, you got tested last year in the year before, in the year before, in the year before. 19:46.218 --> 19:49.080 [SPEAKER_00]: And a year before I'm talking, I'm only six years out of high school. 19:49.200 --> 19:51.381 [SPEAKER_00]: I graduated almost seven years out of high school. 19:51.401 --> 20:01.468 [SPEAKER_00]: I graduated at 16 years old and I had a commitment that for the next 10 years, I would get tested for HIV because I learned at that time. 20:02.136 --> 20:06.360 [SPEAKER_00]: HIV could lie dormant in the body for up to 10 years and you not know it. 20:06.740 --> 20:08.161 [SPEAKER_00]: Unless you got tested. 20:08.662 --> 20:11.064 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you could not have any symptoms. 20:11.084 --> 20:12.245 [SPEAKER_00]: You could not look like it. 20:12.285 --> 20:14.307 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, that's not going to be me. 20:14.987 --> 20:15.948 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to die from that. 20:16.068 --> 20:17.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go get tested. 20:17.670 --> 20:23.735 [SPEAKER_00]: And even though I knew medications were available, I still not, I still did not think that that test was going to come back positive. 20:24.436 --> 20:37.774 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so when it did come back positive, they didn't say, you know, at least an HIV test came back positive, but it was reactive and they wanted to do additional testing, but what does that mean reactive? 20:38.553 --> 21:02.121 [SPEAKER_00]: that the antibodies are showing up in your system as they are there, but we need to do a conformatory test afterwards, which is typically a blood test, but this right here was already a blood test, so I did not need to have a conformatory test afterwards because it was already confirmed through the type of test in the OBGYN was doing. 21:03.260 --> 21:07.242 [SPEAKER_00]: the response from the nurse practitioner when she gave me my results. 21:07.262 --> 21:08.642 [SPEAKER_00]: I had to wait two weeks to get them. 21:09.222 --> 21:23.967 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't that like on edge that they're going to come back positive or anything, but I began to be on edge once they shared that they wouldn't give me my results over the phone and they would not give me my results online. 21:24.907 --> 21:26.788 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, this is unusual. 21:27.589 --> 21:30.195 [SPEAKER_00]: Typically, I could log in, see my lab results, okay? 21:30.215 --> 21:32.500 [SPEAKER_00]: Check this, this, this, this, this, this, I'm good. 21:32.921 --> 21:34.224 [SPEAKER_00]: They're asking me to come back in. 21:34.264 --> 21:35.767 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, that's gas money. 21:36.108 --> 21:36.850 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have right now. 21:36.870 --> 21:37.591 [SPEAKER_00]: I gotta pay for daycare. 21:39.176 --> 21:40.577 [SPEAKER_00]: that is time. 21:40.737 --> 21:41.677 [SPEAKER_00]: I got to take off work. 21:41.817 --> 21:42.658 [SPEAKER_00]: I work hourly. 21:43.898 --> 21:45.399 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm at the pickup extra shifts. 21:45.459 --> 21:46.259 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not going to work. 21:47.600 --> 21:49.261 [SPEAKER_00]: And why can't you just tell me all the phone? 21:49.761 --> 21:53.583 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I get some people don't mind, you know, they want to be told in person. 21:53.603 --> 21:55.944 [SPEAKER_00]: But I was like, what is it? 21:56.044 --> 21:57.884 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it this HPV stuff that's new? 21:58.265 --> 22:00.286 [SPEAKER_00]: Do I have cancer? 22:00.386 --> 22:01.846 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, that was my biggest thing. 22:01.886 --> 22:03.107 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's got to be cancer. 22:03.747 --> 22:05.508 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like Jiro, you want to say something. 22:06.068 --> 22:14.473 [SPEAKER_01]: No, because I'm just thinking about this and it's you don't mind me asking because I don't know when did you have your son or will the age when you had him? 22:14.553 --> 22:15.974 [SPEAKER_01]: I was 16 when I had my son. 22:16.254 --> 22:22.777 [SPEAKER_02]: It's not the age my apologies the year silly me, but that's but that's not this pregnancy we're talking about, right? 22:22.837 --> 22:24.298 [SPEAKER_02]: This is your second pregnancy. 22:24.478 --> 22:25.939 [SPEAKER_00]: This is my second pregnancy. 22:25.959 --> 22:27.360 [SPEAKER_00]: So my first pregnancy was in 2003. 22:27.400 --> 22:27.640 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 22:27.700 --> 22:27.960 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 22:27.980 --> 22:29.561 [SPEAKER_00]: It was in 2011. 22:33.323 --> 22:43.033 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I sometimes when I'm hearing you say that I think about that as an opportunity to once again, think about where our peer navigators are then and versus where they can be. 22:43.533 --> 22:45.515 [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't have peer navigators. 22:45.816 --> 22:47.497 [SPEAKER_00]: That was not a title. 22:48.038 --> 22:50.260 [SPEAKER_00]: It was only something that was being advocated for. 22:50.300 --> 22:51.742 [SPEAKER_00]: We have peer counselors. 22:52.062 --> 22:52.902 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay. 22:53.063 --> 22:58.966 [SPEAKER_00]: We did not have peer navigators, people that would help you navigate what the situation got you. 22:59.386 --> 23:06.709 [SPEAKER_00]: And still to this day, a peer navigator, which is what I had, I called them afterwards once I had a little bit of time to process. 23:07.110 --> 23:12.913 [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I had balled up and was, I had suicidal ideation after the diagnosis when I came in. 23:13.953 --> 23:17.595 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I had asked some, you know, hey, can I, should I bring somebody with me? 23:17.655 --> 23:29.863 [SPEAKER_00]: They said, no, they wanted to protect my privacy, but for when I personally needed, I needed somebody to be with me like someone loved one that I trust and would support me. 23:30.243 --> 23:31.084 [SPEAKER_00]: I needed that. 23:31.364 --> 23:31.804 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:32.064 --> 23:36.607 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I knew that, but the doctors, they, they didn't, the providers that 23:43.710 --> 23:51.019 [SPEAKER_02]: That's something that has, I feel like has happened because of the lack of, first of all, the lack of talking about it, the lack of knowledge, the lack of representation. 23:51.059 --> 24:02.292 [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's affected our medical field as well and the way these doctors are trained, whereas maybe like 25 years ago, they might have handled it. 24:02.372 --> 24:03.173 [SPEAKER_02]: I might be wrong. 24:03.293 --> 24:03.834 [SPEAKER_02]: But like, 24:04.114 --> 24:06.615 [SPEAKER_01]: So, it's interesting, and I won't lean into that, Jamie. 24:06.635 --> 24:11.398 [SPEAKER_01]: So, I don't know, call the other day with person by the name of Dr. Hill, Samantha Hill, here in Atlanta, Georgia. 24:11.438 --> 24:12.798 [SPEAKER_01]: She works in republic health. 24:13.199 --> 24:14.599 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you know, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 24:15.019 --> 24:17.060 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, she is a medical provider. 24:17.140 --> 24:27.185 [SPEAKER_01]: And one of the things that she did call out in a situation is that they are not allowed to go in these public spaces, specifically into schools to actually have these peer-to-peer conversations with the youth. 24:27.225 --> 24:31.488 [SPEAKER_01]: But one of the things that she did say that really resonated with me and stayed with me for a while is, 24:32.548 --> 24:50.294 [SPEAKER_01]: she's asking pairs of queer children or just children in general if to give us permission to one have a long time with children when we're able to sing in a chance to see us speak with them because we want to start training them in a way to be able to ask full often to question for themselves. 24:50.594 --> 24:53.995 [SPEAKER_01]: And she even says start as early as 11 years of age. 24:54.496 --> 24:57.356 [SPEAKER_01]: And that was really shocking for me because it's like, 25:02.259 --> 25:10.847 [SPEAKER_00]: If you wait till they're 11, you're waiting too late because they can go get tested for HIV as early as 13 years old without parental consent in the state of Georgia. 25:10.867 --> 25:11.948 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 25:12.148 --> 25:16.512 [SPEAKER_00]: Parents should start talking to them as early as maybe seven or eight years old. 25:16.993 --> 25:17.473 [SPEAKER_02]: About what? 25:17.753 --> 25:18.334 [SPEAKER_02]: About what? 25:19.915 --> 25:35.127 [SPEAKER_00]: hygiene and having confident conversations about their body with a doctor, like it's something of practice and in conversation so they can get to a point of confidence when they turn 11 rather than waiting until they hit puberty. 25:36.028 --> 25:37.529 [SPEAKER_00]: They're starting puberty as young. 25:37.750 --> 25:41.092 [SPEAKER_00]: There are girls that start their minceases in kindergarten. 25:41.913 --> 25:43.254 [SPEAKER_00]: That's like six years old. 25:43.634 --> 25:50.159 [SPEAKER_00]: So why would you wait until they're eight to tell them that they're 10 years old, they're going to start the cycle within a year. 25:50.219 --> 25:57.405 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you want to catch them a bit early so they can know what to do and be proactive rather than reactive. 25:57.745 --> 25:59.427 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm not in disagreement. 25:59.467 --> 26:00.468 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying I would just 26:01.268 --> 26:12.353 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I think what I think of really important piece here is as self advocacy, especially as it pertains to speaking with doctors. 26:12.814 --> 26:17.196 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm terrible self advocacy myself with doctors. 26:17.396 --> 26:18.176 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. 26:18.216 --> 26:30.102 [SPEAKER_02]: I clamp up and I think it's because I never practiced it as I think that this speaks to a really good point that we should be helping our children advocate. 26:30.422 --> 26:32.303 [SPEAKER_02]: for themselves in medical settings. 26:32.884 --> 26:39.608 [SPEAKER_01]: Actually, to one of the questions you're saying, we're losing ground with the younger generation on knowledge at HIV, but that specifically is one of the reasons why we're losing ground because we are not entrusting our children. 26:39.628 --> 26:41.590 [SPEAKER_01]: We're raising, excuse me, you all are raising them because I have no children. 26:41.610 --> 26:51.256 [SPEAKER_01]: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait 26:51.436 --> 26:56.398 [SPEAKER_00]: That was amazing that y'all would not let you do that. 26:56.538 --> 26:56.938 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, okay. 26:56.958 --> 26:59.759 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I could rarely have definitely pitch there quite often. 27:00.399 --> 27:09.562 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's also even being in that space, allowing the direct pairs, if I may or children parents at the time, allow these conversations to happen. 27:10.222 --> 27:32.533 [SPEAKER_01]: I still feel bad sometimes because my niece learned more about my HIV through chat, GPT, versus having a conversation with me and the reason I say this, because I'm someone who's in a Lee controller, not many people know what a Lee controller is and so for me to educate you, Jamie, I do have HIV, I've been with HIV for 13 years, however, I do not take any medication. 27:32.973 --> 27:40.785 [SPEAKER_01]: The antibodies are still in my body, but there is only a five to 10 percent of people on the world who live with HIV who do not take medication. 27:41.226 --> 27:42.027 [SPEAKER_02]: You don't have to. 27:43.309 --> 27:43.510 [SPEAKER_01]: No. 27:44.055 --> 27:45.496 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just learning about this right now. 27:45.616 --> 27:46.897 [SPEAKER_02]: I am 48 years old. 27:47.058 --> 27:49.880 [SPEAKER_02]: I went through the 80s and 90s in San Francisco. 27:50.000 --> 27:59.548 [SPEAKER_02]: We had the, like I think of all the places in the country, we had the craziest sex education in San Francisco. 28:00.268 --> 28:02.770 [SPEAKER_02]: And I had no idea about this. 28:03.451 --> 28:04.652 [SPEAKER_02]: There's so much I don't know. 28:05.170 --> 28:18.918 [SPEAKER_01]: There's still research that are doing on this, but once again, there is such a small population of people who have this, and also for them to go in depth to try to even remove it, trying to do bone marrow surgeries like that, that just costs too much money for people even do then. 28:19.058 --> 28:29.104 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's one of the things where my doctor, my PCP, she watched her to be very closely, my viral low still stays in press, my CD4, it's funny me, my PCP would talk about this. 28:33.847 --> 28:50.954 [SPEAKER_01]: 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500, 1,500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 29:00.479 --> 29:04.046 [SPEAKER_01]: until your uncle, cousin, can I please have a conversation on my uncle right now? 29:04.508 --> 29:07.875 [SPEAKER_01]: If they come out, they say I feel uncomfortable with that conversation. 29:08.276 --> 29:10.902 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I think you can dive in deeper with that child. 29:11.207 --> 29:29.859 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, we talked a lot on this show about being open and honest with our kids and making sure that they feel safe to come to us and we talk about all the things we talk about how get how babies are made because we make them in a different way we talk about all the stuff and I I just want to put a button on what we were talking about with. 29:30.980 --> 29:42.203 [SPEAKER_02]: being a self advocate for yourself in the medical environment, which is something that I think many of us need to figure out a way to work into our parenting. 29:42.263 --> 29:46.265 [SPEAKER_02]: I know I do because I haven't even thought about that piece of it at all. 29:46.345 --> 29:47.585 [SPEAKER_02]: I tell my daughter all the time like, 29:48.085 --> 30:01.971 [SPEAKER_02]: Nothing goes inside you without a cover on it, like, like, you know, we talk about it, but I haven't gone into more education on HIV awareness, which I think I should because they're not doing it in schools to your point. 30:02.572 --> 30:07.914 [SPEAKER_02]: We need to make sure we have books that help us talk about this stuff and there are books out there. 30:07.934 --> 30:11.776 [SPEAKER_02]: I think there are resources, but 30:17.318 --> 30:21.624 [SPEAKER_00]: give it its own, you know, window of conversation. 30:22.285 --> 30:30.396 [SPEAKER_00]: And then also Jamie, like, why would you have that additional information about, you know, HIV and the way that you're real. 30:30.722 --> 30:31.102 [SPEAKER_00]: gave it. 30:31.162 --> 30:33.002 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think Jerome would have had that information. 30:33.322 --> 30:36.423 [SPEAKER_00]: Had it not for him, you know, actually being diagnosed with HIV. 30:37.063 --> 30:48.685 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's oftentimes those of us that are living with HIV that are like, wait a minute, we realize and recognize that our peers, our family and friends, they're not the ones that have this information. 30:48.725 --> 30:52.786 [SPEAKER_00]: If I was lost before I got here, y'all definitely have a bigger problem on your hands. 30:53.286 --> 30:56.766 [SPEAKER_00]: So even with, you know, being an elite controller as 31:00.287 --> 31:12.395 [SPEAKER_00]: why would people know about if he needed to take medication and then also when we think about you're telling your daughter or you know, expressions of your daughter nothing goes in you without a cover. 31:12.895 --> 31:19.800 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, if your daughter is a lesbian woman and she doesn't enjoy insertion of toys, right? 31:20.941 --> 31:24.283 [SPEAKER_00]: It wouldn't be necessarily a cover for something going in. 31:25.001 --> 31:31.683 [SPEAKER_00]: Can it be saw it may be more of a conversation of knowing what's going on in your partner's body? 31:32.263 --> 31:34.484 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, can you dig deep in their face? 31:35.084 --> 31:37.844 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, what's going on in your body, what's happening in your partner's body? 31:38.204 --> 31:44.626 [SPEAKER_00]: So oftentimes the conversation becomes a blame of that person had an SCI, they gave it to me. 31:45.546 --> 31:51.508 [SPEAKER_00]: They tried to harm me with that SCI, and it's like, what part do you play? 31:52.196 --> 31:54.220 [SPEAKER_00]: and being responsible for your own body. 31:54.720 --> 31:59.768 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was a question ahead to like really deal with for myself at 23 years old. 31:59.788 --> 32:02.653 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, well, what did I do different from my mother and my grandmother? 32:03.214 --> 32:04.596 [SPEAKER_00]: My father and my grandfather's. 32:06.076 --> 32:06.516 [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing. 32:07.397 --> 32:10.761 [SPEAKER_00]: If it wasn't for them having condomless sex, I would not be a lot today. 32:11.181 --> 32:12.763 [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't be. 32:12.863 --> 32:14.405 [SPEAKER_00]: There was nothing that I did differently. 32:14.425 --> 32:21.592 [SPEAKER_00]: Was it that chose a different partner, anything, and even down to location, knowing that it's more prevalent in certain areas. 32:22.153 --> 32:26.618 [SPEAKER_00]: But bodily autonomy in that conversation looks like asking and knowing. 32:27.638 --> 32:30.519 [SPEAKER_00]: Does my partner have an HIV diagnosis or an ESCI? 32:30.579 --> 32:33.641 [SPEAKER_00]: And even if they say it with their mouth, can we see the results? 32:34.181 --> 32:37.022 [SPEAKER_00]: Because it's not that easy as conversation to have. 32:37.602 --> 32:49.047 [SPEAKER_00]: And then when it comes to parents, I felt myself being the parent to educate my friends or my neighbors, their children, because they were like, I'm not ready to talk about that. 32:49.447 --> 32:51.348 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is at 11 years old with the boys. 32:51.688 --> 32:55.370 [SPEAKER_00]: This is nothing but boys, because my daughter is only like three years old at the time. 32:55.930 --> 33:03.735 [SPEAKER_00]: right, and Barney choosing to be public, it wasn't that I was choosing to educate my children, they would just, it would be by here, say. 33:04.316 --> 33:08.078 [SPEAKER_02]: It's so important what you to do, you go out there and you talk about this. 33:08.658 --> 33:12.281 [SPEAKER_02]: And we need more, like, we need this to be uplifted more. 33:12.341 --> 33:15.143 [SPEAKER_02]: We need this more and mainstream media. 33:15.163 --> 33:21.087 [SPEAKER_02]: We need this, like, pushed in the algorithm on the social channels more and 33:24.749 --> 33:46.912 [SPEAKER_02]: how would we know unless we heard it from somebody living with it and you are learning the things in real time but how else are we going to know like this stuff needs to be pushed out like to the end degree it's just a set me and yes, Messiah to your point of knowing what's going on in your partner's body and that is the conversation you need to have with your kids. 33:47.723 --> 33:57.233 [SPEAKER_00]: 100% and I'm about to have a conversation with my daughter when she comes to go and and someone I had a guy that was there's about 85 years old. 33:57.453 --> 33:59.695 [SPEAKER_00]: He asked me a question earlier this year. 34:00.336 --> 34:05.481 [SPEAKER_00]: He said, would you prefer like which one would you want if you had a choice and you can only pick one? 34:06.142 --> 34:07.163 [SPEAKER_00]: Would you prefer love? 34:08.124 --> 34:08.685 [SPEAKER_00]: or trust. 34:09.986 --> 34:13.829 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, this feels like a tricky question because don't love come with trust. 34:14.429 --> 34:17.712 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, in order for me to love you, don't I got a trust you need? 34:17.792 --> 34:18.913 [SPEAKER_00]: And I got to think about it. 34:18.953 --> 34:22.595 [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I got people in my family that I love, but I don't trust them. 34:22.615 --> 34:24.017 [SPEAKER_00]: But like, wait a minute. 34:24.978 --> 34:31.628 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, oh god, now I gotta go unpack more stuff and therapy because I did I get here. 34:32.249 --> 34:38.098 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think another question in conversation and needs to be had is I'm around integrity. 34:39.928 --> 34:48.072 [SPEAKER_00]: So culturally, you know, there are many things that are happening around integrity that are that's totally shattered. 34:48.772 --> 35:03.159 [SPEAKER_00]: I see more people who are in polyamorous relationships in the LGBTQ community that are not transmitting SCIs as prevalent as in the heterosexual community or those who are not polyamorous. 35:03.199 --> 35:04.580 [SPEAKER_00]: They may be practiced in monogamy. 35:05.140 --> 35:10.842 [SPEAKER_00]: in the LGBTQ community or in heteronormative circumstances or relationships. 35:11.662 --> 35:19.885 [SPEAKER_00]: And I see more STIs happening within those monogamous spaces in relationships than I do others. 35:19.985 --> 35:28.228 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it has a lot to do with being brave enough to be your word, keep your word, and know how to restore integrity as well. 35:28.748 --> 35:32.450 [SPEAKER_00]: and to talk openly and honestly with each other and to build that trust. 35:32.590 --> 35:36.372 [SPEAKER_00]: That takes high level integrity to be able to do that. 35:36.392 --> 35:43.977 [SPEAKER_00]: And what's been happening in media is I have comments right now from a previous podcast I participated in. 35:44.457 --> 35:48.921 [SPEAKER_00]: where people are being very nasty as if I won't see the comments. 35:49.502 --> 36:00.872 [SPEAKER_00]: And they're like immediately like ill or throw up and I'm like, how do I reframe some of the things that I'm stating so that people can see themselves too, because you are not exempt. 36:01.372 --> 36:04.474 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't from HIV and you are not exempt either. 36:04.854 --> 36:11.097 [SPEAKER_00]: And so when people say that everyone is HIV possible, a lot of people say, no, it's not possible for me. 36:11.117 --> 36:13.118 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, baby, everything in life is possible. 36:13.138 --> 36:14.159 [SPEAKER_00]: You are not exempt. 36:14.719 --> 36:15.479 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 36:15.739 --> 36:17.820 [SPEAKER_00]: No matter what it is, you are not exempt. 36:17.840 --> 36:18.721 [SPEAKER_00]: You may be blessed. 36:19.381 --> 36:20.362 [SPEAKER_00]: You may be favored. 36:21.302 --> 36:23.444 [SPEAKER_00]: You might be a little more protected at times. 36:23.665 --> 36:25.787 [SPEAKER_00]: You might be a little more skittish than most, you know? 36:25.807 --> 36:26.748 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a risk taker. 36:27.028 --> 36:29.350 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's how I got here, you know, with HIV. 36:29.430 --> 36:30.231 [SPEAKER_00]: I was a risk taker. 36:30.511 --> 36:33.795 [SPEAKER_00]: I was willing to take the risk at the person I loved and cared about. 36:34.896 --> 36:39.500 [SPEAKER_00]: I made sure that I, you know, was, hey, we in this, you know? 36:39.720 --> 36:40.021 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 36:40.381 --> 36:40.942 [SPEAKER_00]: However, 36:42.406 --> 37:10.203 [SPEAKER_00]: They needed to have been brave enough to have a conversation with me in the assumption that a person doesn't have anything as they look like they don't have nothing is a huge piece, but one of the major things for me that I love to destigmatize within humanity and HIV is that oftentimes it only focuses on sexuality, it doesn't focus on humanity and when it focuses on sexuality, it focuses on gender. 37:10.787 --> 37:23.826 [SPEAKER_00]: specifically men and the sexuality of those men are men who are the bisexual or Sange and the loving men right now here's the thing that I have about that I love men too 37:26.133 --> 37:29.955 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean we're dating the same men all the time, but I love them until so. 37:30.415 --> 37:31.936 [SPEAKER_00]: How can I say this differently? 37:32.016 --> 37:39.720 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I've grown to say is, I didn't contract HIV from Condomless Sex, or what some people don't say, I'm protected. 37:40.200 --> 37:46.684 [SPEAKER_00]: I contract HIV from choosing to love a man who did not prioritize his health. 37:47.724 --> 37:53.886 [SPEAKER_00]: Now even a woman can look at that and say, I'm saying somebody who don't prioritize the health like that. 37:53.906 --> 38:01.547 [SPEAKER_00]: They don't get this stuff checked out like it's not just sexuality at that point because I'm still going to choose to love a man that's my choice, it's my preference. 38:01.907 --> 38:08.689 [SPEAKER_00]: However, this human I need them to prioritize their health and if that's not going to be a party for you baby I'm out, I can't do it. 38:08.989 --> 38:09.609 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to work. 38:09.989 --> 38:13.470 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want anything else besides the HIV already got I'm good. 38:13.690 --> 38:15.991 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want anything else. 38:17.471 --> 38:21.474 [SPEAKER_02]: And you took a, I love what you said earlier to you took a risk on trust. 38:21.714 --> 38:27.839 [SPEAKER_02]: You took a risk on that humanity that, that in, integral, that integrity piece. 38:27.979 --> 38:31.722 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you took a risk and I think we all can relate to that too. 38:31.862 --> 38:35.765 [SPEAKER_02]: We can relate to, we take a risk on that person because, hmm, that person. 38:36.126 --> 38:41.550 [SPEAKER_02]: And I love this because it's also something when it comes to like our families and when people are, 38:41.970 --> 38:44.432 [SPEAKER_02]: putting our families down and saying, we should have been parents. 38:44.532 --> 38:47.535 [SPEAKER_02]: It's always brought down to our sexuality. 38:47.815 --> 38:48.496 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my God. 38:48.576 --> 38:52.639 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll get your head out of our pants and let's take this humanity. 38:52.820 --> 38:53.860 [SPEAKER_02]: How are you in my life? 38:53.901 --> 38:54.661 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm in my bed. 38:54.881 --> 38:55.762 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you in my bed? 38:55.802 --> 38:57.284 [SPEAKER_00]: Like why do I need to think about it? 38:57.304 --> 38:58.505 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to think about it. 38:58.545 --> 39:00.166 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you getting this great? 39:00.787 --> 39:03.629 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to, my imagination is really great. 39:04.130 --> 39:05.691 [SPEAKER_00]: I watch a lot of Disney growing up. 39:07.060 --> 39:07.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me sing. 39:08.221 --> 39:15.467 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to play on my imagination of what anybody including my parents are doing in their bed. 39:15.867 --> 39:16.388 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you. 39:16.408 --> 39:17.489 [SPEAKER_02]: Stop talking about it. 39:18.069 --> 39:18.649 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 39:18.950 --> 39:20.631 [SPEAKER_02]: I am loving this conversation so much. 39:21.091 --> 39:28.858 [SPEAKER_02]: And I also think I want to advocate to have YouTube and others like you going into schools and talking to the children. 39:29.378 --> 39:32.260 [SPEAKER_02]: So these things are someone to share. 39:32.520 --> 39:36.021 [SPEAKER_00]: When I first started, and I'm a, I'm a, I had to make back. 39:36.042 --> 39:41.844 [SPEAKER_00]: When I first started, my advocacy, it started with me doing storytelling. 39:42.385 --> 39:45.446 [SPEAKER_00]: When this is practice, okay, these are practice sessions. 39:45.666 --> 39:48.928 [SPEAKER_00]: But it started with youth in middle school and high schools. 39:49.468 --> 39:52.450 [SPEAKER_00]: I would talk to anywhere from 400 to 3 to 4,000 in a week. 39:56.510 --> 39:57.491 [SPEAKER_00]: that was my practice. 39:57.551 --> 40:02.113 [SPEAKER_00]: I got the brutal questions from the kids in real time during their assemblies. 40:02.833 --> 40:07.655 [SPEAKER_00]: And I got the heart questions on how to respond to them in the way that they needed to hear. 40:07.716 --> 40:10.837 [SPEAKER_00]: But how do I address for them without looking like a mom all the time? 40:10.917 --> 40:11.177 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 40:11.297 --> 40:12.358 [SPEAKER_00]: I was so young. 40:13.338 --> 40:23.523 [SPEAKER_00]: And over time, I noticed that even though I wanted to continue to focus on youth, I had been encouraged to no longer call myself the Youth Advocate. 40:23.963 --> 40:26.564 [SPEAKER_00]: I had because they're like, you're going to, oh, how are you Youth Advocate? 40:26.584 --> 40:28.445 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, I'm advocating on behalf of. 40:28.785 --> 40:36.189 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you all would have shared with me a bit differently in the language and context, I think I would have been able to prevent myself from contracting HIV. 40:36.709 --> 40:42.973 [SPEAKER_00]: had I known that it was not just for gay men, had I known that it wasn't just anal sex. 40:43.113 --> 40:48.397 [SPEAKER_00]: If I had known that it was like, there are little things that would have made a humongous difference in my face. 40:48.417 --> 40:49.497 [SPEAKER_01]: Different, yeah. 40:49.798 --> 40:53.140 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I thought that if you were only having sex with one person, 40:53.753 --> 40:54.313 [SPEAKER_00]: You're fine. 40:54.533 --> 41:01.377 [SPEAKER_00]: It was just that one person for a couple of years and then you had a new person for another couple of years and then a new person for a couple of months. 41:02.177 --> 41:03.518 [SPEAKER_00]: That's still multiple partners. 41:03.618 --> 41:05.359 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just multiple partners over time. 41:05.759 --> 41:07.079 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're taking risks on. 41:14.903 --> 41:16.504 [SPEAKER_00]: when you're like, all over. 41:17.104 --> 41:18.745 [SPEAKER_00]: No, not prostitution. 41:18.905 --> 41:22.586 [SPEAKER_00]: It's where you are not polygamy promiscuous. 41:22.606 --> 41:22.946 [SPEAKER_00]: There we go. 41:22.966 --> 41:35.392 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 41:36.553 --> 41:42.340 [SPEAKER_00]: You had to have multiple partners, but was it most of a partner's in one moment or back to back in a few weeks, a few days? 41:42.841 --> 41:48.828 [SPEAKER_00]: No, baby, promiscuous could have looked like having most of a partner's over time. 41:49.129 --> 41:52.353 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I really think that the way in which like... 41:52.693 --> 41:57.637 [SPEAKER_00]: I had the opportunity to go talk to over a stock counting after 100,000. 41:57.797 --> 42:04.101 [SPEAKER_00]: I had the opportunity to speak to over 100,000 youth, however, that funding baby. 42:05.062 --> 42:13.348 [SPEAKER_00]: And for artists, it shifted so swiftly that a lot of the agencies that were looking at 42:13.768 --> 42:38.214 [SPEAKER_00]: Prevention methods, they started really honing in on treatment as prevention and youth were not a part of the conversation So I had even my little I have an internal protest that I don't go to our A's walk and the reason why I don't like fully participate in the fundraising because I had one question which was if I fundraise can this money specifically go to women in youth programming? 42:39.553 --> 42:48.480 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was told no, and I said, oh, well, I'm not, I can't do it because that is my primary focus when it comes to the youth. 42:48.520 --> 42:50.522 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't focus on sexuality or gender. 42:51.531 --> 42:59.413 [SPEAKER_00]: But when I went up for the women, because I understand their prioritize and families and children and so forth, I prioritize them. 43:00.033 --> 43:10.456 [SPEAKER_00]: But when it comes to the funding, many organizations do not put a lot of funding in HIV and HIV, I believe, says the tone of all of public health and 43:12.030 --> 43:16.773 [SPEAKER_00]: It intersects with every area of life, every area of life. 43:16.813 --> 43:20.336 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you can get sort of root of HIV, you can get sort of root of a whole lot of life. 43:20.736 --> 43:21.917 [SPEAKER_02]: It covers a lot of ground. 43:22.317 --> 43:28.922 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'll tell you what, my sex said in middle school, they had people come talk to us. 43:29.662 --> 43:34.666 [SPEAKER_02]: They had young mothers who were teenage moms come talk to us and tell us their own experiences. 43:35.086 --> 43:37.628 [SPEAKER_02]: That was what stuck. 43:38.608 --> 43:41.410 [SPEAKER_02]: those kinds of educational. 43:41.470 --> 43:45.432 [SPEAKER_00]: That is exactly why I chose to get tested for up to 10 years. 43:45.492 --> 43:47.193 [SPEAKER_00]: There was a lady that came to the school. 43:47.614 --> 43:48.794 [SPEAKER_00]: She shared her story. 43:49.194 --> 43:50.815 [SPEAKER_00]: She said she was Dana older gentleman. 43:51.576 --> 43:53.177 [SPEAKER_00]: There were rumors that he had HIV. 43:53.877 --> 43:54.978 [SPEAKER_00]: She didn't believe the rumors. 43:55.318 --> 43:56.099 [SPEAKER_00]: He passed away. 43:56.119 --> 43:57.459 [SPEAKER_00]: He got sick and he passed away. 43:57.479 --> 43:58.800 [SPEAKER_00]: I leaned in. 43:58.820 --> 44:00.301 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, oh, somebody died. 44:01.402 --> 44:04.604 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking she's going to tell us she went got tested finally. 44:04.724 --> 44:06.565 [SPEAKER_00]: She said she waited until she got sick. 44:07.555 --> 44:31.609 [SPEAKER_00]: And then she got tested and then she disclosed says that she had an A's diagnosis and she was gorgeous She had these flat shoes on outfit body hair everything about her was so pretty I could not like process as a teenager that this woman had an A's diagnosis and she said that it could lie dormitant You're body for up to 10 years and you not know it 44:32.189 --> 44:38.210 [SPEAKER_00]: So I got out of it the only way you're going to know is if you get tested because you can't tell about looking at that woman. 44:38.831 --> 44:43.372 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what prompted me to be more on top of my own health. 44:43.812 --> 44:46.472 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, having someone come in helps. 44:46.592 --> 44:48.393 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I will share this with you as well. 44:48.853 --> 44:54.154 [SPEAKER_00]: When I want to speak at this one school, I don't know these students and I don't know what they parents, I'm not even thinking about it. 44:55.034 --> 44:57.475 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, just so happened that my provider, 44:58.494 --> 45:06.904 [SPEAKER_00]: My HIV specialist child attended that school and that child knows that their mom is HIV specialist. 45:07.585 --> 45:15.354 [SPEAKER_00]: However, that child went home and said, Mom, that who also used to be my track coach when I was a child. 45:16.065 --> 45:16.485 [SPEAKER_00]: know that. 45:16.986 --> 45:19.948 [SPEAKER_00]: I learned something about HIV today that I didn't know before. 45:20.128 --> 45:22.569 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know you did this, this, this, this, this mom. 45:22.649 --> 45:32.556 [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't know that HIV was like this, this, this and she unpacked so much education with her mom, her mom realized that she had not been educating her child as HIV. 45:34.176 --> 45:34.737 [SPEAKER_00]: Specialist. 45:36.280 --> 45:37.282 [SPEAKER_00]: She realized that. 45:37.562 --> 45:41.849 [SPEAKER_00]: And so once she brought it back to me, she said, you went to my daughter's school, I was like, I did. 45:43.973 --> 45:45.996 [SPEAKER_00]: And she tells me, yeah, you know, and 45:47.365 --> 45:47.866 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 45:48.486 --> 45:50.208 [SPEAKER_00]: These are the things that my child learned. 45:50.488 --> 45:57.916 [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't realize that, you know, this child is in high school middle school is needed this information. 45:58.316 --> 46:04.503 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I would get whispers from other people like people I went to high school with, their sister was in their audience. 46:05.393 --> 46:08.694 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's when I really realize like it's a community. 46:08.714 --> 46:24.919 [SPEAKER_00]: They're on totally different size of towns hours away from each other 30 minutes away from each other so far, but the way that the education has been given in the textbooks the health teachers are not trained and they are comfortable sometimes. 46:24.959 --> 46:29.901 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have enough knowledge to really you know give the information and um to this thing 46:30.221 --> 46:36.745 [SPEAKER_00]: to the students and the parents are also dealing with their own things around their scared to get tested. 46:36.845 --> 46:40.607 [SPEAKER_00]: What I like talking to my kids about HIV and testing, that's their business. 46:41.111 --> 46:49.637 [SPEAKER_02]: So my take away parents, we gotta, we gotta, we gotta dig in, we gotta talk more to our kids, we have to learn how, with the talk more to our kids. 46:49.817 --> 46:56.142 [SPEAKER_02]: And we need to advocate to get services like, you all talking to our children. 46:56.162 --> 47:03.548 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, how do we, I don't know, like, giraffe, like, how do we advocate, Massanya, how do we, how do we get this going? 47:03.588 --> 47:05.589 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, how do we push this out? 47:05.689 --> 47:06.630 [SPEAKER_02]: Cause it's important. 47:07.050 --> 47:16.833 [SPEAKER_01]: So, I really have, once again, I really lean into more of the media standpoint, how do we get more education on televisions, how do we get to tick-tock and things of that nature. 47:17.453 --> 47:24.976 [SPEAKER_01]: That is a tricky thing because once again, not being a direct parent, but also lean it into my friends and colleagues to how you have conversations with children. 47:25.016 --> 47:26.296 [SPEAKER_01]: People are very mindful of that. 47:26.316 --> 47:29.977 [SPEAKER_01]: There are a lot of people in the world who push out a lot of misinformation. 47:29.997 --> 47:31.278 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, you want to be 47:31.898 --> 47:52.575 [SPEAKER_01]: Very clear on what information your children are receiving because you don't want to deepen a fear for that child or a disbelief of what's actually happening because if you're given out information that's incorrect or inaccurate, then you have to now do the work of retracting the information that's happening and reeducate them again on some stuff. 47:53.095 --> 48:00.479 [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things I want to lean into also is the deep and stigma is something that we got from the sensor for law and policy. 48:01.079 --> 48:18.147 [SPEAKER_01]: There are 32 states here in the United States that have HIV criminalization laws that really stop parents from having conversations because or even when they share these conversations, they put more fear into their hearts because when your diagnosis of HIV, they talk about how your criminal first and the brotherhood is talking about what your 48:21.078 --> 48:22.319 [SPEAKER_02]: criminalization laws. 48:22.359 --> 48:22.780 [SPEAKER_02]: What is that it? 48:22.820 --> 48:23.400 [SPEAKER_02]: What is that? 48:23.981 --> 48:33.888 [SPEAKER_01]: So when I was first diagnosed, before I could even speak with mental health counselor, they wanted to make sure that was registered in the state of Arkansas, it's almost like a sex offender. 48:34.687 --> 48:46.031 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll engage in the risky sexual behavior or risky behaviors and I do not disclose that to my partner at the time then even Arkansas has such data language. 48:46.071 --> 48:51.253 [SPEAKER_01]: If I was to spit on someone, I can be brought up on criminal charges. 48:51.533 --> 48:52.453 [SPEAKER_02]: Because you're positive. 48:52.933 --> 48:54.714 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I am positive. 48:54.774 --> 48:57.695 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that Matt add to that real quick. 48:58.437 --> 48:58.797 [SPEAKER_00]: sure. 48:59.558 --> 49:02.000 [SPEAKER_00]: So breastfeeding in HIV. 49:03.501 --> 49:12.887 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was told that if I decided to breastfeed my daughter that I would go to prison for a minimum of five to ten years for attempted murder. 49:14.127 --> 49:16.028 [SPEAKER_02]: Where do you live, Mr. Georgian? 49:16.569 --> 49:18.290 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you built Georgian, you built Georgian. 49:18.370 --> 49:20.511 [SPEAKER_01]: Both in Georgia, but I was not in Georgia. 49:20.791 --> 49:24.374 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was diagnosed in Arkansas, and I was diagnosed here in Georgia. 49:24.674 --> 49:33.780 [SPEAKER_00]: However, that has shifted in the sense of that CDC's policies and what their guidelines have been updated here in the States. 49:33.920 --> 49:34.100 [SPEAKER_00]: But 49:34.580 --> 49:47.890 [SPEAKER_00]: that information has landed with providers, quick enough so I too where basically have been criminalized if I had even attempted to breastfeed and wouldn't I have transmitted it to my child, had I chosen to, but 49:48.428 --> 49:51.550 [SPEAKER_02]: But you wouldn't have transferred it because this is that have to do with you equals you. 49:51.570 --> 49:54.452 [SPEAKER_02]: Like undetectable equals. 49:54.633 --> 49:58.816 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to let you because the rills headed that direction. 49:58.876 --> 50:01.258 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I want to jump it with the breastfeed part. 50:02.719 --> 50:03.479 [SPEAKER_00]: Come on, bro. 50:03.519 --> 50:04.280 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go, girl. 50:04.720 --> 50:07.023 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, so I want to get him. 50:07.303 --> 50:10.206 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, you that's on detectable means untransmitable. 50:10.566 --> 50:19.276 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's one of these things where, once again, the science is updated, the knowledge you're still a knowledge gap for people to truly understand what does that mean today? 50:19.816 --> 50:22.219 [SPEAKER_01]: Where does that whole information add? 50:22.239 --> 50:24.802 [SPEAKER_01]: Because people just don't understand, or they don't trust it. 50:25.242 --> 50:35.884 [SPEAKER_01]: They don't trust that if someone is on their daily regimen that they can not transmit that anymore, they're like, oh, you're still fabricating this, still wasted your transfer to some like, baby is not possible. 50:36.264 --> 50:38.865 [SPEAKER_01]: But once again, we're not having story lines. 50:38.905 --> 50:40.725 [SPEAKER_01]: We're not having work conversations. 50:40.765 --> 50:49.367 [SPEAKER_01]: We're not in spaces to understand what that looks like or actually have supplements that visual aid to talk about this, then that's what's going to keep on 50:55.348 --> 51:03.430 [SPEAKER_01]: We were fear-mongering people with, oh, okay, I'll use this, my grandmother, when I first diagnosed, she was like, are you okay? 51:03.930 --> 51:05.770 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, Grandma, I guess I'm okay. 51:05.810 --> 51:07.610 [SPEAKER_01]: Why do you ask you to say, well, you're still fat. 51:08.390 --> 51:13.851 [SPEAKER_01]: And I let, and I share that with people because- Yeah, that's hard. 51:15.712 --> 51:21.973 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm still in good Grandma, but this is- Because the idea is you're gonna emaciate and you're gonna be sick and you're gonna write. 51:22.506 --> 51:25.567 [SPEAKER_01]: because she's like, you're not taking your mom to me, you're not taking medication. 51:25.587 --> 51:31.150 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like grandma, she doesn't know the information today, but also it's a generational thing. 51:31.510 --> 51:36.512 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we're not talking about this, so if no one's educating her, she's going on dated information. 51:37.190 --> 51:42.414 [SPEAKER_01]: that's no longer even relevant or she will use language like, oh, that baby has full of blown AIDS. 51:42.895 --> 51:45.336 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm thinking, well, that's not even a medical term. 51:45.697 --> 51:49.700 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's fear of monitoring once again, because why are we using language like that? 51:50.420 --> 51:51.782 [SPEAKER_01]: But she does not understand. 51:51.802 --> 52:00.548 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, is our job to continue educating people of what these things are, but also going back to what we're talking about today is you equals you. 52:00.949 --> 52:04.872 [SPEAKER_01]: And we have this year celebrates 10 years of you equals you. 52:05.401 --> 52:06.402 [SPEAKER_02]: of like knowing it. 52:06.622 --> 52:12.126 [SPEAKER_01]: And yes, no one that you would give you means, yeah, pass my time to my colleague. 52:12.847 --> 52:22.254 [SPEAKER_00]: So I will say that you because you is a branded name that has been working for community, but we've always known about it. 52:22.695 --> 52:27.418 [SPEAKER_00]: And the way that we've always known about it is elite controllers have been around for longer than 10 years. 52:28.260 --> 52:35.846 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and then also, I have a friend that was born positive, born with an HIV diagnosis, and she's been a Lee control assistant's bird. 52:36.377 --> 52:37.478 [SPEAKER_00]: She's almost 40. 52:38.319 --> 52:41.481 [SPEAKER_00]: So we've known about Yuguzhu for 40 plus years. 52:41.801 --> 52:42.102 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 52:42.942 --> 52:50.768 [SPEAKER_00]: Now we just didn't have the language to land with a branded way that lands really trendy for people. 52:51.249 --> 52:56.933 [SPEAKER_00]: We've also known about undetectable equals untransmitable through pregnancies. 52:57.374 --> 53:03.638 [SPEAKER_00]: We've had many successful pregnancies where HIV was not transmitted to children 53:05.838 --> 53:18.442 [SPEAKER_02]: same with like if if the dad is HIV positive but undetectable and creates a baby, it doesn't necessarily create a child with HIV. 53:18.482 --> 53:19.403 [SPEAKER_02]: It goes both ways. 53:19.463 --> 53:21.343 [SPEAKER_00]: Like yes, yes. 53:22.024 --> 53:30.226 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think between you equals you in prep being streamlined around the same time because the research and the data 53:32.427 --> 53:49.831 [SPEAKER_00]: that right there also made it a really big like we can hold on to more than just Yugoslavia, we also have prep that's coming down this pipeline to support people who may be not living with HIV, but in relationships with people who are. 53:50.231 --> 53:52.172 [SPEAKER_00]: So it became more of an empowering piece. 53:52.232 --> 53:57.753 [SPEAKER_00]: Now the people who missed the mark are those who still other HIV altogether. 53:58.654 --> 54:06.987 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have seen and witnessed the fear mongering, but you don't get, there's so much silence around it because it's still that person's business, right? 54:07.748 --> 54:11.513 [SPEAKER_00]: Me living with HIV, I may be public about my status with a still my business. 54:12.498 --> 54:18.803 [SPEAKER_00]: You know now Now here's the part that someone is challenging very wholeheartedly. 54:18.863 --> 54:25.268 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like if people don't have the fear Then have what do they know to want to prevent it right? 54:25.408 --> 54:29.311 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's like really hard it's difficult if we don't have 54:29.891 --> 54:47.567 [SPEAKER_00]: experts like Jerome who are in marketing and media that can help shape the language which is the way our brains are processing our what we hear and how we choose our values and our actions for dealing with and managing HIV around us because it's around all of us. 54:47.907 --> 54:51.230 [SPEAKER_00]: I have people in my life who are not going to disclose to their partners. 54:51.991 --> 54:52.551 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not. 54:53.011 --> 54:54.692 [SPEAKER_00]: They're at undetectable viral lows. 54:55.112 --> 55:09.315 [SPEAKER_00]: There are people that I have seen on social media that waited too late to get tested, not because they didn't know to ask, but the providers are not as a young or old as you think they are. 55:09.635 --> 55:11.696 [SPEAKER_00]: So they're not thinking about HIV first. 55:11.996 --> 55:12.496 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not. 55:12.876 --> 55:15.277 [SPEAKER_00]: And this person is unable to walk. 55:16.177 --> 55:27.017 [SPEAKER_00]: Because they succumb to what the side effects I want to call it of the comorbidities around HIV and AIDS because you waited too long to get tested and treated. 55:27.548 --> 55:34.574 [SPEAKER_02]: there has to be what I'm learning in this conversation is there really does need to be an overhaul of how we talk about HIV and AIDS. 55:34.814 --> 55:40.599 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, like your grandma, the boomers and gen X, we go back to that movie Philadelphia in our heads. 55:40.679 --> 55:44.602 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's our idea of what what AIDS looks like. 55:44.642 --> 55:47.325 [SPEAKER_02]: It's Tom Hanks, Emaciated, and you know what I mean? 55:47.345 --> 55:50.827 [SPEAKER_02]: Like even back in the 80s, we were talking about it more at least. 55:50.988 --> 55:53.029 [SPEAKER_02]: And it may be not in the right ways, but 55:54.110 --> 56:03.213 [SPEAKER_02]: We need to overhaul this whole conversation and really hone in and change the narrative and educate people in parents. 56:03.353 --> 56:05.553 [SPEAKER_02]: We need to talk to our kids. 56:05.893 --> 56:08.214 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, these conversations keep happening. 56:08.954 --> 56:12.375 [SPEAKER_00]: These happen for the last, I should say, you, you, your development 13 years. 56:12.915 --> 56:14.596 [SPEAKER_00]: How long have you been having this conversation? 56:15.597 --> 56:16.017 [SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm. 56:16.197 --> 56:16.637 [SPEAKER_01]: About 13 years. 56:16.657 --> 56:16.998 [SPEAKER_01]: 13 years. 56:17.318 --> 56:17.658 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 56:17.698 --> 56:19.820 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been having this conversation for 16 years. 56:20.240 --> 56:21.461 [SPEAKER_02]: Some more people need to listen. 56:21.981 --> 56:22.262 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 56:22.782 --> 56:42.377 [SPEAKER_00]: We need more people to be in action who are of power and decision-making spaces or of decision-making power to really truly put something in place that allows this to not be as high of an issue or as quiet of an issue as it is. 56:43.207 --> 56:44.989 [SPEAKER_00]: Ah, I feel like that's what's missing. 56:45.649 --> 56:50.353 [SPEAKER_01]: Jamie, I want to start doing this my final thoughts on some of these things as well. 56:50.673 --> 56:54.737 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I want to be mindful of time, too, because I don't want you to go too late here. 56:55.477 --> 57:06.366 [SPEAKER_02]: And I do want to say, just my final thought here is I, Massanya, what you said about the trusting of the person, you know, I talked to my daughter about consent, like it's my job. 57:06.486 --> 57:11.951 [SPEAKER_02]: I talked to my daughter about like sexual protection, like it's my job, but I don't 57:12.621 --> 57:13.302 [SPEAKER_02]: talk about that. 57:13.923 --> 57:20.171 [SPEAKER_02]: So that is going to be added to my conversation and to my son who is eight, you know, age appropriate. 57:20.192 --> 57:22.895 [SPEAKER_02]: But that's my final, I just want to say that. 57:22.955 --> 57:25.078 [SPEAKER_02]: And then yes, let's have our closing remarks. 57:25.098 --> 57:26.881 [SPEAKER_02]: And we do want to do a little spirit day. 57:27.161 --> 57:28.924 [SPEAKER_02]: We'll do like a present spirit day thing. 57:28.944 --> 57:29.064 [SPEAKER_02]: But 57:29.817 --> 57:34.378 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, a couple of things got to do has some Mark 1 Save for what role parents that families can play in this. 57:34.918 --> 57:44.120 [SPEAKER_01]: As we think about parents and families in the environments where young people feel comfortable asking the questions without judgment, we have to stop treating HIV, sexuality, and sexual health at the taboo. 57:44.700 --> 57:52.322 [SPEAKER_01]: Young people will have questions if they act them at home or in the schools, they'll seek answers elsewhere, rather accurate or not. 57:52.702 --> 57:54.422 [SPEAKER_01]: Parents don't need to know everything. 57:54.782 --> 57:57.103 [SPEAKER_01]: They can be willing to learn alongside their children. 57:57.163 --> 57:58.643 [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to emphasize about that. 57:59.163 --> 58:06.045 [SPEAKER_01]: Learning alongside your children, specifically for your audience right now if you are a parent, I want you to take this time to be mindful. 58:06.085 --> 58:06.905 [SPEAKER_01]: What does that look like? 58:07.245 --> 58:08.326 [SPEAKER_01]: Learning with your child. 58:08.386 --> 58:12.147 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't think that you need to do this separate from them, but learn together. 58:12.527 --> 58:23.930 [SPEAKER_01]: And when you're learning together, that built a additional trust and a layer of understanding for the two of you as y'all are both for navigating, there's things that you will learn more about one another as you engage in these conversations. 58:24.452 --> 58:25.392 [SPEAKER_02]: and love that, yes. 58:25.893 --> 58:31.795 [SPEAKER_02]: And I always say, I want my kids to learn about things from me and not their friends. 58:32.155 --> 58:34.556 [SPEAKER_02]: I want them to, yeah, so talk about it together. 58:34.736 --> 58:35.577 [SPEAKER_02]: Learn about it together. 58:35.737 --> 58:36.337 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 58:36.717 --> 58:40.839 [SPEAKER_01]: So how does HIV stigma connect a spare day in bowling for LGBTQ youth? 58:41.159 --> 58:50.363 [SPEAKER_01]: HIV stigma and Thai LGBTQ bowling are connected because both can be rooted in fear, misinformation, and how people treat those that they see different. 58:50.843 --> 58:57.512 [SPEAKER_01]: Spirit A is about creating a world where LGBTQ youth can feel safe, supported, and affirmed. 58:57.853 --> 59:06.144 [SPEAKER_01]: Yet LGBTQ youth continue to face harassment based on sexual orientation, gender identity, and for many youth of color race. 59:06.705 --> 59:20.735 [SPEAKER_01]: language is going to matter the most when people use HIV as an insult make assumptions about sexuality or shame others who they are that reinforces the stigma that can also create barriers that they do not want to see. 59:21.135 --> 59:24.737 [SPEAKER_01]: So I want everyone to be encouraged and understand that 96% of our non-LGBT 59:33.483 --> 59:36.545 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we need that to turn to an action. 59:36.945 --> 59:39.826 [SPEAKER_01]: And so you would just say, and we need more action in these spaces. 59:40.186 --> 59:43.108 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is where we need the action to happen for our youth. 59:43.488 --> 59:46.630 [SPEAKER_01]: Which you can see me with my spirit-a-dating show. 59:47.090 --> 59:48.931 [SPEAKER_01]: And you all have all your purpose as well. 59:48.951 --> 59:57.035 [SPEAKER_01]: So I just really want to take action this spirit day and make sure that our youth are here and know that they are supported by a wider audience. 59:57.395 --> 01:00:02.358 [SPEAKER_02]: I also want to add to that we are recording this this conversation the day before spirit day. 01:00:02.678 --> 01:00:04.019 [SPEAKER_02]: So happy spirit day y'all. 01:00:04.239 --> 01:00:05.120 [SPEAKER_02]: Happy spirit day. 01:00:05.320 --> 01:00:06.221 [SPEAKER_02]: Happy spirit day. 01:00:06.241 --> 01:00:07.201 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's go push it out. 01:00:07.241 --> 01:00:12.124 [SPEAKER_02]: Push it out and also this episode is airing after spirit day has happened in 2026. 01:00:13.405 --> 01:00:16.126 [SPEAKER_02]: So what does it mean action for us? 01:00:16.226 --> 01:00:17.166 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about that. 01:00:17.566 --> 01:00:18.727 [SPEAKER_02]: Spirit Day just happened. 01:00:19.267 --> 01:00:28.409 [SPEAKER_02]: Now is the time for us to start talking to our children's schools about bringing spirit day to the schools and making it a school-wide thing. 01:00:28.489 --> 01:00:30.390 [SPEAKER_02]: Now, starting now, start it now. 01:00:31.057 --> 01:00:35.842 [SPEAKER_01]: Start it now, but also in one second, this is the opportunity as we all see we're all in our purples. 01:00:36.102 --> 01:00:42.328 [SPEAKER_01]: And so this is a moment for us to stand in solidarity and a firm in that we stand with our LGBTQ you. 01:00:42.648 --> 01:00:51.938 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is the opportunity for people to one, deep in their understanding what that looks like, but also for those who want more information and bounce beer day, please, even not for our... 01:00:52.358 --> 01:01:08.727 [SPEAKER_01]: For your next year, you're after go out to glad.org and look up Spirit Day where you can see more information, get a toolbox, but also don't think it's the one day activation or action make this a year around thing because once again, LGBTQ youth are here each and every day. 01:01:09.027 --> 01:01:11.008 [SPEAKER_01]: And so this isn't just the opportunity for you to do. 01:01:11.428 --> 01:01:14.211 [SPEAKER_01]: a one-time donation or a one-time action. 01:01:14.491 --> 01:01:26.423 [SPEAKER_01]: This is an opportunity for you to step up step-out in the bigger communities in rural areas to have these conversations normalizes, but also be that, as my Beyoncé will say, be the my protector. 01:01:26.804 --> 01:01:30.548 [SPEAKER_01]: And so being the protector for our youth, they need us. 01:01:31.277 --> 01:01:31.417 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 01:01:31.837 --> 01:01:37.720 [SPEAKER_02]: And listen, most of the folks that listen to this show were an LGBTQ youth at one point. 01:01:37.900 --> 01:01:38.960 [SPEAKER_02]: So, hello. 01:01:38.980 --> 01:01:42.462 [SPEAKER_02]: We understand, let's be the protection. 01:01:42.922 --> 01:01:45.243 [SPEAKER_02]: This has been a really enlightening conversation for me. 01:01:45.263 --> 01:01:48.304 [SPEAKER_02]: I think it is going to be an enlightening conversation for the listeners. 01:01:48.544 --> 01:01:55.247 [SPEAKER_02]: I have come away with some things that I am adding to my parenting just from talking to the two of you. 01:01:55.267 --> 01:01:57.548 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think it is really important. 01:01:57.768 --> 01:01:57.848 [SPEAKER_02]: And 01:01:58.588 --> 01:02:05.375 [SPEAKER_02]: I will do anything I can to help push your knowledge out to the world because it is so important. 01:02:05.415 --> 01:02:09.919 [SPEAKER_02]: And we know, we know the people in power aren't going to do that. 01:02:10.379 --> 01:02:14.523 [SPEAKER_02]: So we need to support the things y'all do. 01:02:14.543 --> 01:02:16.665 [SPEAKER_02]: We need to support little shows like this. 01:02:17.025 --> 01:02:22.611 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, let's keep, let's keep raising each other up because nobody else is going to do it. 01:02:22.931 --> 01:02:23.752 [SPEAKER_02]: Nobody's coming for us. 01:02:24.842 --> 01:02:25.723 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, not in that way. 01:02:26.103 --> 01:02:28.064 [SPEAKER_00]: Not just in another way. 01:02:31.205 --> 01:02:32.006 [SPEAKER_02]: This has been amazing. 01:02:32.066 --> 01:02:33.046 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much. 01:02:33.927 --> 01:02:35.668 [SPEAKER_00]: Queer family podcast. 01:02:36.728 --> 01:02:40.350 [SPEAKER_02]: Who, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it. 01:02:40.731 --> 01:02:45.193 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another. 01:02:45.333 --> 01:02:48.655 [SPEAKER_02]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure. 01:02:48.695 --> 01:02:50.456 [SPEAKER_02]: Just go pick one and enjoy. 01:02:50.476 --> 01:02:51.396 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot. 01:02:51.496 --> 01:02:52.217 [SPEAKER_00]: They're really nice. 01:02:52.908 --> 01:02:59.372 [SPEAKER_02]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon. 01:02:59.712 --> 01:03:03.655 [SPEAKER_02]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com, slash the queer family podcast. 01:03:03.975 --> 01:03:07.297 [SPEAKER_02]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content. 01:03:07.677 --> 01:03:11.260 [SPEAKER_02]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life. 01:03:12.941 --> 01:03:17.283 [SPEAKER_01]: I love you all, thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in, and I'll see you next time.