WEBVTT 00:06.028 --> 00:08.970 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the, I don't get a podcast if you're new here. 00:09.010 --> 00:12.813 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Oni B. I am your host and welcome to a new episode. 00:12.873 --> 00:14.033 [SPEAKER_00]: It's already been two weeks. 00:14.153 --> 00:16.735 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't believe it every single time I'm filming. 00:16.995 --> 00:19.757 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, wait, I just filmed yesterday and it was actually two weeks ago. 00:19.817 --> 00:21.398 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's fucking crazy. 00:21.418 --> 00:25.441 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like my headspace every episode is so different, which is honestly so real. 00:25.481 --> 00:26.181 [SPEAKER_00]: And I love that. 00:26.542 --> 00:28.163 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we're experiencing that together because 00:28.663 --> 00:30.405 [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I don't feel the same every single day. 00:30.505 --> 00:31.466 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel tapeting. 00:31.666 --> 00:33.868 [SPEAKER_00]: We're gonna ignore anything that falls off the wall today. 00:35.089 --> 00:37.091 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like this is just my truth, you guys. 00:37.531 --> 00:40.934 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like a different version of myself all the time. 00:41.535 --> 00:43.257 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if it's just because I'm like, 00:44.560 --> 01:03.400 [SPEAKER_00]: I have ADHD, and I'm always focused on something new every day, but not on the list today, I'm feeling so excited and so inspired by the concept of reforming my identity, and I've been hyper-fixated on this concept before, multiple times throughout my life, and I feel like I'm just going through one of those little phases again. 01:03.420 --> 01:06.523 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, and yeah, I kind of want to talk about 01:07.384 --> 01:07.844 [SPEAKER_00]: all of that. 01:07.904 --> 01:11.286 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I have so much to say about forming an identity. 01:11.426 --> 01:14.487 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think I kind of want to take a show down memory lane. 01:14.507 --> 01:15.687 [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't done this in a minute. 01:15.767 --> 01:19.949 [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't really reflected too much on my own accomplishments. 01:20.029 --> 01:21.790 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that I'm overdue for a little 01:23.315 --> 01:42.242 [SPEAKER_00]: catch up in a little throwback session because, yeah, I think it's good not only to like learn from yourself and learn by like learn from the things that have worked for you in the past, but also it's so important to give yourself some praise and some respect when it's due, and I think that I've been slacking on that. 01:42.302 --> 01:50.045 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I have been like kind of being mean to myself, not as much as I was before, but I think still like sometimes these days I'm like, 01:52.886 --> 01:57.452 [SPEAKER_00]: Which is so crazy because like, I know that that's so relatable. 01:57.472 --> 01:59.694 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you guys know what that feels like. 01:59.814 --> 02:06.181 [SPEAKER_00]: But for being like a naturally confident person, like I've never struggled with that feeling in my life. 02:06.722 --> 02:07.363 [SPEAKER_00]: So it is 02:07.872 --> 02:33.749 [SPEAKER_00]: truly a new concept for me in my mid 20s and so yeah I'm like really excited to fix that shit because it's so ugly and I don't like it and it gets better every single day truly does like over time it has gotten so much better but it's still lingers around and I think it's because I let myself sit in that mindset for far too long and didn't do anything about it so I want to talk about the things that I did before when I was younger and 02:34.169 --> 02:38.220 [SPEAKER_00]: Even just like a few years ago from now, in my early 20s, I was so like 02:40.815 --> 03:06.451 [SPEAKER_00]: obsessed with myself and it not in a bad way in a way of like I knew that I could do whatever I wanted I knew that God had put a gift in me and that I could go and do absolutely anything and I literally made shit happen and I proved that to myself time and time again and so I just want to talk about Little Onnie or younger Onnie's mindset because she was so relentless and so fearless and I'm going through a phase of wanting to learn from her 03:06.951 --> 03:20.701 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm actually also going through the space of wanting to go even farther back in my life because believe it or not, I have very, very bad memories of my childhood and my high school life and growing up. 03:20.861 --> 03:24.724 [SPEAKER_00]: I struggled a lot with a, like, an array of different things. 03:24.744 --> 03:27.006 [SPEAKER_00]: I had a really tough time growing up. 03:27.286 --> 03:32.670 [SPEAKER_00]: And so for that reason, I feel like my brain has suppressed a lot of my memories 03:33.110 --> 03:48.822 [SPEAKER_00]: for like safety or I don't even know I need to go therapy to be honest but I really think it's because my like subconscious is trying to protect me or something even though I'm capable of like handling the memories and now I think I wasn't capable for a really long time so my brain is just kind of 03:49.462 --> 03:50.462 [SPEAKER_00]: dug them really deep. 03:50.642 --> 03:59.906 [SPEAKER_00]: But I realized this, I've always known because sometimes if I'm reminiscing with a friend or something, I will truly not remember certain bits and pieces of certain stories. 04:00.086 --> 04:05.227 [SPEAKER_00]: And I met with some girlfriends the other night, and one of them I hadn't seen in 10 years. 04:05.968 --> 04:11.069 [SPEAKER_00]: 10 years you guys, I'm literally like, I feel like I'm 12 years old sometimes, I'm like 10 years, that's my whole life. 04:12.350 --> 04:14.931 [SPEAKER_00]: And she was telling me about memories that we had together. 04:19.172 --> 04:35.392 [SPEAKER_00]: I was listening to her lore and like listening to it from an outsider perspective like that really happened who were you with like tell me everything I was there and I'm like How is that even possible that I don't have access to these memories and I'm realizing it's literally trauma Anyways I 04:37.935 --> 04:52.644 [SPEAKER_00]: before and after all of that, like, regardless, I guess even probably going through that, I had just such a delusional faith in myself and there was a point where it wasn't how like it wasn't good, like I definitely struggled in a lot of ways and 04:53.084 --> 05:01.616 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of regrets that I have in my life when I was younger and I think also that feeling is what kind of suppresses my memories that I just wish I made better choices when I was younger. 05:01.636 --> 05:07.444 [SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't have the best head on my shoulders and I really don't know if I can say that I had good. 05:08.505 --> 05:20.955 [SPEAKER_00]: leadership or good examples set before me, but nonetheless, I pulled myself out of whatever it was that I was going through and I really created my dream life with little to no help. 05:21.035 --> 05:32.665 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, at the end of the day, even just having friends, boyfriends, relationships, parental figures, siblings, like even just having people in your life, like that is helpful. 05:33.085 --> 05:34.106 [SPEAKER_00]: So even though nobody 05:36.963 --> 05:39.244 [SPEAKER_00]: the formula to being successful necessarily. 05:39.344 --> 05:54.468 [SPEAKER_00]: I still did have my mother who is such a strong woman and just watching her accomplish things on her own, like she's not perfect by any means, but she definitely showed me how to be strong like that is her biggest quality as she is not afraid 05:55.068 --> 06:23.723 [SPEAKER_00]: Challenges and even if she is afraid like she knows how to like like get herself up and just be like you got to do this Like get up like you're doing it like she has gone through so many hardships as a young mom She had her first kid when she was 16 and has four kids So she was basically just a mom her entire life and then also didn't work for anybody like didn't have a normal job Since she was 22 years old and became a business owner and Supported herself and her four kids 06:24.500 --> 06:25.740 [SPEAKER_00]: throughout the rest of her life. 06:25.760 --> 06:27.501 [SPEAKER_00]: She's now, I think, my mom's 51 now. 06:28.361 --> 06:31.562 [SPEAKER_00]: So she is such an inspiration to me in that regard. 06:31.622 --> 06:40.225 [SPEAKER_00]: And even to this day, you know, my mom struggles a lot with her identity and with her ability to feel confident these days. 06:40.686 --> 06:46.208 [SPEAKER_00]: And recently, I just, you know, I kind of give her some tough love and I'm like, you're fucking Andrea, her name's Andrea. 06:46.288 --> 06:47.308 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, you're fucking Andrea. 06:47.328 --> 06:47.448 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, 06:47.888 --> 07:04.403 [SPEAKER_00]: out of anybody I've ever met in my entire life you are the one person who has proven time of time again what your cape will love if not to anybody else to at least yourself like anytime we thought that you were in an impossible situation you figured away out of it and that is something that is so remarkable about you so like 07:05.404 --> 07:08.487 [SPEAKER_00]: boss up, like I basically had to tell like boss up, you know. 07:09.127 --> 07:29.284 [SPEAKER_00]: And same thing to me, like she gave me all of these amazing qualities of grit and resilience, but with that also came these like feelings of doubts sometimes and like kind of overthinking the ability to overthink my decisions and then just kind of feel like, wait, but am I awesome? 07:29.364 --> 07:31.225 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, it's so silly, but I do 07:34.648 --> 07:35.349 [SPEAKER_00]: passed on. 07:35.609 --> 07:38.312 [SPEAKER_00]: I literally don't know, but I'll need this to say. 07:38.412 --> 07:55.752 [SPEAKER_00]: All this to say that for me, even just in my early 20s, like when I was really starting to develop myself into an adult, like I didn't feel a lot of confidence, and I think it was like all of my bad choices when I was younger stemmed from just a really deeply rooted insecurity and abandonment, 07:56.411 --> 08:04.852 [SPEAKER_00]: issue, but as I started to become an adult, and I was in a healthy, long term relationship, which provided a lot of stability for me. 08:05.393 --> 08:12.234 [SPEAKER_00]: And then outside of that, I also just started to develop into a woman and start to make my own choices. 08:12.254 --> 08:16.415 [SPEAKER_00]: And my head just started, like, my brain just started maturing. 08:16.875 --> 08:21.355 [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like I was able to start making good conscious choices. 08:25.096 --> 08:50.511 [SPEAKER_00]: Consciousness like I feel like again, I don't have a ton of memories of everything like I don't remember what my mindset was like when I was super young But I just know that my mindset now is like so different than what it used to be and Yeah, so I think that that's when my confidence really started to form was when I started to feel proud of the person that I was becoming I have to just fix it once 08:51.400 --> 08:54.465 [SPEAKER_00]: My friend did actually give me a little tip for these sticky notes. 08:54.645 --> 08:59.493 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just totally forgot to refer back to that. 08:59.553 --> 09:00.735 [SPEAKER_00]: So Emily, I'm so sorry. 09:00.815 --> 09:01.436 [SPEAKER_00]: I will literally. 09:02.099 --> 09:04.041 [SPEAKER_00]: fix this while I'm recovering. 09:04.241 --> 09:21.956 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, I remember when the inflow podcast started, which I don't know if you guys knew this, I don't know if like how many people that are listening to this now are OG inflow listeners or not, but this podcast used to be a podcast, a two-person podcast few years back. 09:22.436 --> 09:42.063 [SPEAKER_00]: me and my friend started this podcast called in flow and it was literally just this chatting kind of similar vibes in terms of like just talking about like like life stuff and little lessons we learned like it was like just very cash and comfy and really inspiring and it did amazing and it like blew up for us within this like I think 09:42.864 --> 09:47.750 [SPEAKER_00]: The second month is when things really took off and it changed our lives completely. 09:48.110 --> 09:54.719 [SPEAKER_00]: We were in real estate at the time and it allowed us to stop doing real estate, which is insane in its own. 09:55.199 --> 09:59.384 [SPEAKER_00]: But when that started, there was a point during that time when 09:59.945 --> 10:01.347 [SPEAKER_00]: we had no money. 10:01.747 --> 10:04.450 [SPEAKER_00]: We were literally writing this dream. 10:04.851 --> 10:13.441 [SPEAKER_00]: Real Estate was cool because you can make a lot of money at once, but then you can also go long amounts of time without making a lot of money and we were doing more investment. 10:13.461 --> 10:18.066 [SPEAKER_00]: Style Real Estate instead of like building our clientele, we're also super, super young. 10:19.067 --> 10:25.912 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, we were just like making money here and there, but it wasn't like enough to support ourselves in the long-term. 10:26.393 --> 10:32.257 [SPEAKER_00]: Or I mean, if we kept at it, it would have supported us in the long-term, but for I guess the short-term it wasn't supporting us, if that makes sense. 10:33.017 --> 10:39.062 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, so we were literally like two rows in a dream, and I was like running the ship, okay? 10:39.422 --> 10:46.768 [SPEAKER_00]: I was driving the boat, and I was literally telling my friend, every single day, just like, I could tell that she had doubts about 10:47.388 --> 10:57.908 [SPEAKER_00]: if we could do it, and that's very, very valid and normal to have doubts about something that you've never seen happen before, like personally and you're like close circle of foot. 10:59.258 --> 10:59.838 [SPEAKER_00]: whatever, bro. 11:00.558 --> 11:02.059 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, around you. 11:02.359 --> 11:03.959 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I understand that. 11:03.999 --> 11:12.721 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I had never seen somebody successfully create a podcast and like make a living off of it or like create money on social media personally, like around me before. 11:13.141 --> 11:17.842 [SPEAKER_00]: But I knew that we had something like I don't know how to explain ahead this delusional confidence in us. 11:18.302 --> 11:22.603 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I remember having so many conversations with her, where I told her like, look, 11:23.143 --> 11:29.893 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to make this into something huge, and so if you want that, I know she did. 11:30.274 --> 11:36.684 [SPEAKER_00]: I think she just struggled with like the feeling of people perceiving her and perceiving us, and I get that again. 11:37.125 --> 11:38.126 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's 11:39.003 --> 12:06.717 [SPEAKER_00]: cringe until you make it right like people are always afraid of what other people think when they start posting their silly little videos and it's because we're afraid of perception of others I just didn't get fuck and I was like well we're gonna make it so like if you're embarrassed now like you gotta get over it or else we won't be able to because if you cannot post the clips that we're posting of our podcasts that you that you should feel so proud of like if you don't feel proud enough to post it then like just stop 12:07.558 --> 12:08.240 [SPEAKER_00]: while we're ahead. 12:08.320 --> 12:08.962 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 12:09.524 --> 12:13.256 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had to have a lot of those conversations with her because it was difficult to get. 12:14.818 --> 12:21.881 [SPEAKER_00]: that, like, full on delusional confidence, like the way that I felt it, and no shade to her. 12:22.002 --> 12:25.203 [SPEAKER_00]: I truly believe that, like, anybody would struggle with that. 12:25.263 --> 12:34.568 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've struggled with it before, but I was also posting videos for like a couple years before we even started the podcast, nothing like career building, nothing insane. 12:34.908 --> 12:38.550 [SPEAKER_00]: And they get had, like, maybe 20, 30k on TikTok or something. 12:38.590 --> 12:39.330 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even remember. 12:40.110 --> 12:45.252 [SPEAKER_00]: But long story short, I just knew that we were going to become successful in this field. 12:45.693 --> 12:48.694 [SPEAKER_00]: And so anyways, we make the podcast. 12:48.834 --> 12:49.894 [SPEAKER_00]: It does amazing. 12:50.054 --> 12:54.116 [SPEAKER_00]: We start making money off of it and, you know, it goes very, very well. 12:54.857 --> 12:58.118 [SPEAKER_00]: And in the long run, I think we had the podcast for a year or two. 12:58.158 --> 13:04.261 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't really remember, but in the long run, it ended up being the best thing for the both of us to call it quits on that. 13:04.721 --> 13:06.142 [SPEAKER_00]: But I always knew that I 13:07.362 --> 13:10.183 [SPEAKER_00]: Wanted to do this because I love speaking. 13:10.283 --> 13:30.208 [SPEAKER_00]: I love using my voice I truly believe in my voice is the gift that God has given me in this lifetime and you guys know I love to sing I don't really share my music too much, but I talk about it all the time and that is something that I will be doing in the future Because it is literally like my soul's mission in purpose to make music and share it I've been singing so it's literally 13:30.728 --> 13:33.270 [SPEAKER_00]: A child and went to music school. 13:33.290 --> 13:48.283 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I did all the things like it is truly like I wish you guys knew this side of me and I'm gonna make it I'm gonna make it a point for you guys to get to know that side of me, but Anyways, I knew that that's something I wanted to continue to do and I always felt like a solo 13:48.823 --> 14:06.732 [SPEAKER_00]: podcast was something I was really excited about and always something that I wanted to do because I could show up wherever I am, however I'm feeling and just talk without any buffers or anything else like I just you know, I really love to be able to talk in an unfiltered way to you guys you guys are literally everything to me. 14:06.772 --> 14:11.734 [SPEAKER_00]: So I know that was a little bit of a tangent, but I promise all these things make sense. 14:11.914 --> 14:17.597 [SPEAKER_00]: So there was one time when we had the podcast we created an app it was called the flowy app and 14:18.022 --> 14:21.483 [SPEAKER_00]: and we had a huge community on there and we did this little challenge. 14:21.523 --> 14:23.904 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't remember what it was called, but it was so much fun. 14:24.685 --> 14:38.650 [SPEAKER_00]: But we did this like new year's like resolution type challenge and it was about like making a big goal for yourself and we encouraged everyone in the community to like share what they wanted to do and talk about it and like kind of put it into existence. 14:39.050 --> 14:43.732 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, I think it was, gosh, was it 2023 December of 2023 or 2022, something like that. 14:47.393 --> 14:54.176 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember putting in the little community board that my big thing that I wanted to do is I wanted to be a full time influencer. 14:54.237 --> 14:55.917 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, this is my big dream. 14:55.937 --> 14:57.018 [SPEAKER_00]: This is my big goal. 14:57.398 --> 14:58.679 [SPEAKER_00]: This is how I'm gonna do it. 14:58.799 --> 15:05.342 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna post every single day and like literally just be the person that I want to be right now. 15:05.362 --> 15:07.663 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I knew how to do it. 15:07.683 --> 15:08.784 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, this is my game plan. 15:08.804 --> 15:11.245 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I'm doing and I'm letting you guys know because it's gonna happen. 15:11.585 --> 15:16.507 [SPEAKER_00]: and I told all these people about what my dream was and then I literally never stopped. 15:16.647 --> 15:18.768 [SPEAKER_00]: Ever since that day you guys I never stopped. 15:19.068 --> 15:29.491 [SPEAKER_00]: Of course like I've skipped like a day or two here and there but like ever since that day I posted as an influencer indefinitely like to today. 15:30.192 --> 15:33.733 [SPEAKER_00]: So crazy because I was making only money from the party. 15:33.753 --> 15:34.813 [SPEAKER_00]: I was making any money. 15:34.873 --> 15:39.535 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean I was making like a few hundred dollars here and there because I had like a bit of a platform but like nothing 15:40.395 --> 15:48.881 [SPEAKER_00]: substantial by any means and I just remember saying I'm going to make this my full-time job like I'm going to make full-time influence or money and this is how I'm going to do it. 15:49.682 --> 15:55.086 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I started posting about it and truly I had so much confidence, delusional confidence. 15:56.407 --> 15:59.849 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't know how to even delusional though like it was valid like real true. 15:59.869 --> 16:17.858 [SPEAKER_00]: I just believed in myself You know, I just really believed in myself and I just knew that I had what it what it takes and I think that that's so important And identity forming is like really believing in yourself and if you don't feel that way about yourself I think you need to get to know yourself a little bit better and I knew myself so well at the time 16:18.298 --> 16:25.223 [SPEAKER_00]: and some of the ways that I got to learn about myself was I did yoga every morning, every night, religiously. 16:25.383 --> 16:26.964 [SPEAKER_00]: I ate so well. 16:27.044 --> 16:29.185 [SPEAKER_00]: I was super conscious about food at this time. 16:29.205 --> 16:32.527 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, almost to my detriment, I became vegan for a while. 16:32.587 --> 16:36.270 [SPEAKER_00]: I was just like, paying such close attention to everything I was eating. 16:36.350 --> 16:42.834 [SPEAKER_00]: I was cooking almost every single meal, which made me feel so connected to my feminine energy and was so helpful and like, 16:43.414 --> 16:45.315 [SPEAKER_00]: creating a really good relationship with myself. 16:45.415 --> 16:46.996 [SPEAKER_00]: I loved that era of my life. 16:47.036 --> 16:48.796 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually getting into cooking again right now. 16:48.836 --> 16:55.899 [SPEAKER_00]: I've cooked like the most delicious dinners the last few nights and it's just been feeling so good and like natural. 16:55.919 --> 16:59.101 [SPEAKER_00]: I can explain like instinctually almost to do that. 16:59.281 --> 17:01.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I was meditating all the time. 17:01.222 --> 17:05.163 [SPEAKER_00]: I was just doing so many things that made me feel like myself. 17:05.284 --> 17:08.825 [SPEAKER_00]: I was newly single at the time and was feeling just like I think I was 17:11.186 --> 17:12.747 [SPEAKER_00]: I was just feeling like amazing. 17:12.807 --> 17:21.031 [SPEAKER_00]: I had the most beautiful room that I set up really nice and every single night, like I put my moody lights on with my meditation music and, like, did my polysonto everywhere. 17:21.071 --> 17:28.975 [SPEAKER_00]: I was in music school and was like actively pursuing my dreams, like my biggest souls love. 17:29.075 --> 17:35.378 [SPEAKER_00]: I was going every week and like doing it, you know, making music recording, singing like the whole thing. 17:35.859 --> 17:39.765 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was just feeling I was just really really happy I had no money though. 17:39.826 --> 17:45.115 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean I had money from the podcast But like outside of paying my bills like I really didn't I wasn't like rich or anything 17:45.737 --> 17:51.742 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I knew that this is what I wanted for myself and I started posting, I can't even remember what I was posting about. 17:52.142 --> 18:02.870 [SPEAKER_00]: I really need to learn to do like a little detox of my brain because I feel like I can access all my memories if I just like clear out my catch, like you guys know what I'm saying. 18:02.890 --> 18:11.056 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I just need to delete some files because I store so much in my brain every single day that I feel like if I can offload some, I can like re-access. 18:11.376 --> 18:16.999 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when you have too much storage and all of your photos in your photo album, like, get blurry because they're backed up to eye cloud. 18:17.259 --> 18:23.902 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I feel like if I delete some of the new stuff, I'll be able to access and see all the old stuff without it being so fucking grainy. 18:24.782 --> 18:31.625 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but anyways, yeah, I just started posting you guys and then long story short, I think it was in June. 18:32.246 --> 18:36.968 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't remember what that year was, but it wasn't that long after where I got 18:37.388 --> 18:42.912 [SPEAKER_00]: sign to my first agency and once I did that, that's when everything changed. 18:42.952 --> 18:50.058 [SPEAKER_00]: Like getting signed and having a manager changed my life so much and I will always love the first team that I had. 18:50.098 --> 18:51.038 [SPEAKER_00]: They were amazing. 18:52.519 --> 18:54.321 [SPEAKER_00]: My girl, that found me. 18:54.421 --> 18:55.742 [SPEAKER_00]: She believed in me and 18:56.406 --> 19:19.583 [SPEAKER_00]: helped me a lot and helped me build my career a lot in the beginning and that was really amazing and yeah got me to a place where I could you know live comfortably and have a nice life as an influencer and even when the podcast ended and we closed that chapter I had my own money and my own career and that was such a huge blessing for me it's what I've always wanted from myself and yeah so that was 19:20.243 --> 19:36.610 [SPEAKER_00]: kind of how my career started and it all was because I believed I was capable of literally fucking anything and I think that this career that I'm in is tricky because the longer that you you're in it the more you see the toilet takes on your mental health. 19:36.990 --> 19:38.911 [SPEAKER_00]: and every influencer can attest to this. 19:38.991 --> 19:42.632 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that it's very abnormal to compare yourself so much to other people. 19:42.672 --> 19:45.113 [SPEAKER_00]: It's also very abnormal to see so much of yourself. 19:45.553 --> 19:53.176 [SPEAKER_00]: Every day, here, your voice so often and all the things, it's also very abnormal to associate your likability with money. 19:53.196 --> 19:55.297 [SPEAKER_00]: That's crazy to think about. 19:55.957 --> 19:58.659 [SPEAKER_00]: how much people like me is how much money I'm making and whatever. 19:58.979 --> 20:06.785 [SPEAKER_00]: It's very odd, but it's also a beautiful job and insanely beautiful job and such an amazing thing. 20:06.905 --> 20:12.750 [SPEAKER_00]: I've encouraged everybody in my life to do social media of some form, some degree. 20:12.770 --> 20:16.433 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like if you can build a following, you can be successful at literally anything. 20:16.493 --> 20:16.913 [SPEAKER_00]: If you can 20:17.373 --> 20:21.860 [SPEAKER_00]: create a community, then you can do anything that you want in this life. 20:22.060 --> 20:28.269 [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, so all this to say, your identity is so important. 20:28.350 --> 20:32.275 [SPEAKER_00]: And for me right now, I think, as I've been in this industry for a few more years. 20:33.178 --> 20:41.160 [SPEAKER_00]: have gotten myself to this new level, I've struggled with comparison and I've struggled with feeling like I'm really worth it or that I'm really good at it. 20:41.661 --> 20:48.183 [SPEAKER_00]: And like, really at the end of the day, I know all you guys want to do is see me as my genuine authentic self. 20:49.383 --> 20:53.304 [SPEAKER_00]: As long as I'm good at being myself, I'm going to be a good influencer, right? 20:53.344 --> 20:55.504 [SPEAKER_00]: Like at the end of the day, that's really what it comes down to. 20:55.524 --> 21:05.666 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I just get lost in the shuffle of like, oh my gosh, you know, my skin should be prettier, my face should be prettier, like things like, my hair should be pretty, like everything. 21:05.766 --> 21:10.827 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so easy to want to feel like you aren't good enough or that you need more. 21:11.267 --> 21:13.888 [SPEAKER_00]: And this was a concept that I never experienced before. 21:13.908 --> 21:14.828 [SPEAKER_00]: I never felt like, 21:16.545 --> 21:18.046 [SPEAKER_00]: less than in too many ways. 21:18.086 --> 21:37.855 [SPEAKER_00]: I always felt like I was good enough and I think that's what got me to where I am and so I'm really trying to reintroduce this feeling of like you're not just good enough but you are exceptional, you are literally an inspiration, you are beautiful, you are talented, you're so funny and kind and all these things like I'm trying to really be nice to myself again and remind myself of. 21:38.675 --> 21:45.697 [SPEAKER_00]: Truly, I am such a light, and I do believe that, and I know that to my core, and I want to be able to feel that all the time. 21:45.837 --> 21:55.301 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, some ways that I've been doing that recently, have just like I told you guys, I've been kind of talking about this for a while, but making my environment feel good, makes me feel good. 21:55.441 --> 21:55.601 [SPEAKER_00]: So, 21:56.381 --> 21:57.221 [SPEAKER_00]: Why did I say that weird? 21:57.241 --> 21:58.422 [SPEAKER_00]: It makes me feel good. 21:58.822 --> 22:01.763 [SPEAKER_00]: So one new thing that I did is I just got new bedding. 22:02.203 --> 22:08.085 [SPEAKER_00]: As simple as it is, getting this new bedding made me feel so good. 22:08.146 --> 22:16.369 [SPEAKER_00]: It almost brought back this nostalgia that I had when I had this beautiful white bedding in my room when I'm the room that I literally made all my dreams come true in. 22:17.049 --> 22:20.790 [SPEAKER_00]: I got, excuse me, a similar white fluffy bedding. 22:20.990 --> 22:24.412 [SPEAKER_00]: You guys know the bedding with the roof shing in it, kind of like the wrinkly looking bedding. 22:24.432 --> 22:25.092 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so pretty. 22:25.512 --> 22:40.746 [SPEAKER_00]: I got that, I got some new throw pillows, like everything's so pretty, so at night time when I'm doing my skin care and I'm like getting ready for bed I'm just looking at my beautiful, but I'm like so excited, it just makes me feel like how I felt in my old house when I was like 22:41.226 --> 22:42.367 [SPEAKER_00]: Manifesting all my dreams. 22:42.427 --> 22:59.343 [SPEAKER_00]: So little tiny things like that as small as it is can make a big difference for your mind And so that was something that excited me another thing too is what I'm editing videos of myself I think that's where a lot of my self-doubt or like talk comes in is I'm editing and I'm like Like I hate how you look here. 22:59.383 --> 23:03.326 [SPEAKER_00]: I hate how you're talking and hate the lighting like I it's all these things and it's so 23:04.247 --> 23:04.608 [SPEAKER_00]: awful. 23:04.788 --> 23:10.933 [SPEAKER_00]: But at the end of the day, have you guys ever experienced this where you take a couple of photos of yourself and you're like, you, I look terrible. 23:10.973 --> 23:17.859 [SPEAKER_00]: I hate these and then months go by and you're going through your camera roll and you see those same photos and you're like, oh my god, I looked so good this day. 23:18.559 --> 23:19.200 [SPEAKER_00]: Same thing. 23:19.620 --> 23:21.922 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I feel like that happens to me all the time. 23:21.942 --> 23:25.365 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always like, ugh, and then I go back and look what you look great. 23:25.605 --> 23:26.586 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you overthinking it? 23:27.147 --> 23:27.447 [SPEAKER_00]: So, 23:28.107 --> 23:49.735 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, for me my big focus as I step into this new chapter of my life is reshifting my identity And already I feel this so much this is already happened so much recently in my own personal life I'm noticing it with the way that I'm showing up even just online and like the content I'm putting out But in my own home in the way that I'm showing it for myself and the way that I'm 23:50.295 --> 23:56.377 [SPEAKER_00]: like taking actual care and attention to being there with myself for myself alone. 23:56.777 --> 24:01.479 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I have been way less on my phone whenever I'm doing my skincare and like my nighttime routine. 24:01.519 --> 24:05.460 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I've been completely stimulant free and that's been feeling so good. 24:05.480 --> 24:09.362 [SPEAKER_00]: Like the other day I almost grabbed my phone, TikTok videos on and I was like wait, I don't even want to. 24:09.402 --> 24:10.662 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I actually don't even want to. 24:10.682 --> 24:13.243 [SPEAKER_00]: It feels so good and clear in my head right now. 24:13.263 --> 24:14.844 [SPEAKER_00]: I literally don't want to put anything in it. 24:15.304 --> 24:18.545 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been going on my walks, no screen, no nothing, just like 24:19.305 --> 24:22.687 [SPEAKER_00]: Long walks with my dogs just looking at everything around me. 24:23.007 --> 24:26.749 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been feeling amazing and again You guys know I love to make music. 24:26.909 --> 24:31.612 [SPEAKER_00]: That is another huge way that I'm feeling like myself again My little brother also loves to make music. 24:31.652 --> 24:42.337 [SPEAKER_00]: He's also very very talented Love him and so he's been coming over a lot and we've been making music together Which is so fun and so out of my comfort zone. 24:42.357 --> 24:47.320 [SPEAKER_00]: I Never enjoyed making music with other people unless they're like a producer or an engineer and like 24:47.707 --> 25:05.330 [SPEAKER_00]: we're working on one of my songs, but making a collaborative piece of art with someone else is honestly kind of tricky and a little uncomfortable, but forcing myself to do that is making the idea of doing it on my own feel like so simple when that alone felt so difficult before. 25:05.350 --> 25:12.512 [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, you guys, I know I just rambled, like I feel like I just entered a flow state that felt so good to talk all of that out. 25:14.152 --> 25:14.392 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 25:14.772 --> 25:17.254 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like there's so much more to say about this too. 25:17.354 --> 25:25.418 [SPEAKER_00]: I will definitely make different videos about this topic in particular and maybe I can come up with some new ways or like a 25:26.002 --> 25:44.954 [SPEAKER_00]: a program or a schedule for myself and for you guys obviously to follow along if you want to really like lock in on this new identity because I want to form this like delusional confidence again and I want to be able to walk into a room and feel like my light is so bright that people are like who is that fucking bitch over there? 25:44.994 --> 25:49.097 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I need to know that is and I used to have that feeling and like 25:49.697 --> 26:02.662 [SPEAKER_00]: That radiation like I feel like I used to radiate that everywhere I went before and I still radiate some of it But not in the degree that it was before and so I am so excited to like activate that again You guys like literally 26:04.033 --> 26:04.753 [SPEAKER_00]: Do not fuck with me. 26:04.854 --> 26:11.382 [SPEAKER_00]: I will be on that shit so much, and I will make sure that you guys are on it too because Like that was the best feeling. 26:11.483 --> 26:15.508 [SPEAKER_00]: I literally felt like they had grown all the time and I'm excited to feel that way again. 26:15.528 --> 26:19.173 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to feel that way again I'll see you guys. 26:19.193 --> 26:19.213 [SPEAKER_00]: I 26:20.394 --> 26:34.463 [SPEAKER_00]: We'll need to let you know now because when you're listening to this, I will be either in surgery or I will be in recovery I am getting my girls done really excited about that I know everyone has their opinions about it at the end of the day. 26:34.603 --> 26:45.470 [SPEAKER_00]: You are more than allowed to have your own opinions about Things like that and I totally get it me personally I'm so excited to do to do this for myself I know I talked about it in the last episode. 26:45.950 --> 26:46.991 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm 26 now. 26:47.111 --> 26:47.892 [SPEAKER_00]: It's definitely 26:48.672 --> 26:55.435 [SPEAKER_00]: the time where I want to do this, especially because I'm done developing you guys, and I wasn't given a whole lot in that department. 26:55.935 --> 27:04.839 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's important for me, it's important for my confidence, it's something that I, you know, am buying for myself, treating myself to, and yeah, I'm really excited about it. 27:04.919 --> 27:06.600 [SPEAKER_00]: So I will, 27:07.400 --> 27:23.237 [SPEAKER_00]: chat with you guys about my process if you want me to if you guys don't give a flying f that's totally fine and I never have to talk about it you'll just like see them in my videos and be like wow she has a great rack but anyways I'm going to be doing that so 27:23.958 --> 27:26.340 [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone say a little prayer for me, pray everything goes well. 27:26.720 --> 27:28.101 [SPEAKER_00]: I am probably my body right now. 27:28.121 --> 27:32.544 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been eating amazing taking great supplements and sleeping as good as I can. 27:32.644 --> 27:36.347 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, you guys we will chat again very, very soon. 27:36.728 --> 27:39.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like I said, I'm getting surgery will be recovering. 27:39.249 --> 27:42.392 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure how I'm going to do and like how well. 27:42.872 --> 27:48.473 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna feel afterwards, so my goal is to be back at the normal schedule of like two weeks from now. 27:48.933 --> 27:53.474 [SPEAKER_00]: But if anything changes, I'll let you guys know over on Instagram, which is, I don't get a pod. 27:54.794 --> 27:58.395 [SPEAKER_00]: And my personal Instagram, which is on eBay, with 3A's and baby. 27:58.975 --> 28:06.856 [SPEAKER_00]: But other than that, you guys, once I'm back, I just want you guys to know, once I'm back from a cover, we're doing weekly episodes. 28:06.936 --> 28:11.917 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually now have a podcast team starting in November after, 28:12.537 --> 28:29.520 [SPEAKER_00]: back from surgery you guys weekly episodes weekly episodes and consistent posting on all the pages like we are so up right now you guys were as well up right now okay well anyways I hope that this episode inspired you in some way I hope that you enjoyed this thank you for hanging out with me again 28:30.021 --> 28:36.362 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to chat with you guys in a couple weeks when I have a new addition to the family. 28:36.382 --> 28:38.083 [SPEAKER_00]: A couple new additions to the family. 28:38.143 --> 28:45.144 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to like, oh, just when my clothes and feel so confident and just be back on the share and chat with you guys again. 28:45.304 --> 28:47.745 [SPEAKER_00]: So let me know your mantra from this episode. 28:47.765 --> 28:51.625 [SPEAKER_00]: If you pull anything that resonated with you, we're going to fear the sticky note thing out. 28:51.665 --> 28:54.926 [SPEAKER_00]: You guys, I just have had a lot on my plate, but I'm going to figure this out because 28:56.438 --> 28:57.159 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a crazy. 28:58.241 --> 28:59.804 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, I love you guys so much. 28:59.824 --> 29:05.274 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you have an amazing day, an amazing weekend, an amazing week, and we will chat very, very soon. 29:06.295 --> 29:06.596 [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.