WEBVTT 00:00.151 --> 00:02.713 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Way Community Church Podcast. 00:03.193 --> 00:06.335 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Darahal and I'm the pastor of the Way Community Church. 00:07.015 --> 00:11.358 [SPEAKER_00]: We are showing people the way to life with Jesus and we are thankful that you joined us today. 00:12.119 --> 00:21.284 [SPEAKER_00]: If you want any info about our church or if you're interested in becoming a member of our church, you can email info at the waycc.online. 00:21.805 --> 00:24.386 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, if you like to worship through giving, 00:30.190 --> 00:34.773 [SPEAKER_00]: today we are starting a new series as we turn our attention to marriage. 00:35.273 --> 00:43.838 [SPEAKER_00]: The name of the series is ready for love as we fuse our angle theme of ready with love being the basis for a healthy marriage. 00:44.218 --> 00:51.041 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to open our series today looking at Genesis chapter two and consider the reasons why we get married. 00:51.442 --> 00:55.624 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to encourage you to follow along in the transcript of this podcast, grab your Bibles. 00:55.844 --> 00:57.025 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's study guys work together. 00:57.805 --> 01:06.970 [SPEAKER_00]: Getting married can be like getting on a rollercoaster and as soon as you buckle in you all of a sudden regret getting on the ride Why did I get married? 01:08.150 --> 01:21.637 [SPEAKER_00]: Get married can be like buying off more than you are able to chew Because you're competing against other people trying to do something you haven't been grace to do So you see them do it then you do it then you ask I said why did I get married to us? 01:21.657 --> 01:22.678 [SPEAKER_00]: I should have let them have this 01:24.297 --> 01:29.421 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, the American feel like going back to the gym after not working out for two or three months. 01:30.701 --> 01:34.084 [SPEAKER_00]: And you and their halfway through a workout that used to be easy and that was difficult. 01:34.144 --> 01:36.706 [SPEAKER_00]: And you asked yourself, now, why don't I get married again? 01:37.326 --> 01:38.667 [SPEAKER_00]: Why am I doing this over? 01:40.188 --> 01:45.452 [SPEAKER_00]: We all have different reasons for why we marry or for those who are unmarried and designed to be so. 01:45.912 --> 01:48.694 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us, if it's true, we get married for selfish reasons. 01:49.829 --> 01:52.951 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us get married for sentimental reasons. 01:53.791 --> 01:56.432 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us get married for social reasons. 01:57.813 --> 02:00.535 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us get married so we can have guilt free sex. 02:01.995 --> 02:07.938 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us get married to spend somebody else's money for a chance. 02:07.958 --> 02:10.900 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us get married just as a door out of boredom. 02:12.469 --> 02:23.331 [SPEAKER_00]: You might recall earlier this year, we had a series entitled Where do we stand and in it, we looked at important cultural factors and laid out where we stand as a church. 02:23.411 --> 02:27.312 [SPEAKER_00]: If you were here for that message on marriage, raise your hand a few a year, if you were here. 02:27.652 --> 02:36.073 [SPEAKER_00]: Cool, for those who were not, let me just quickly review some of the foundational things that would lay earlier this year as we had, just a brief conversation about marriage. 02:36.614 --> 02:38.114 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the way community churches, 02:39.235 --> 02:41.498 [SPEAKER_00]: official stance on marriage. 02:41.598 --> 02:43.300 [SPEAKER_00]: It was not written by me alone. 02:43.360 --> 02:55.455 [SPEAKER_00]: It was designed in a group of eight people for me and for women Of the eight people we had people from every decade of adulthood at life, so it was intergenerational, it's intergender. 02:55.895 --> 02:58.196 [SPEAKER_00]: and together we designed these are these statements. 02:58.276 --> 02:59.577 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's our stance on marriage. 02:59.977 --> 03:02.018 [SPEAKER_00]: We believe that God created marriage. 03:02.678 --> 03:07.520 [SPEAKER_00]: Genesis records that God's design for marriage was between one man and one woman. 03:08.060 --> 03:13.183 [SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, we maintain it in any other type of marital union is outside of the world of God. 03:14.187 --> 03:19.651 [SPEAKER_00]: The fall in nature of humanity resulted in the perversion of marriage in a multitude of ways. 03:20.271 --> 03:23.013 [SPEAKER_00]: And there are many old testament examples of this perversion. 03:23.553 --> 03:29.918 [SPEAKER_00]: But the new testament reaffirms, gods, original design as the standard for marriage. 03:30.860 --> 03:31.941 [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning, here's a major key. 03:32.141 --> 03:36.124 [SPEAKER_00]: The law first mentioned proves that marriage is God's idea. 03:36.384 --> 03:38.706 [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning, in the first time we see this word, show up. 03:39.306 --> 03:43.649 [SPEAKER_00]: The first time we see this concept, show up in the Bible, it proves that it was God's idea. 03:43.769 --> 03:50.154 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's right here in Genesis 2, the three words I read for this reason. 03:51.561 --> 03:56.943 [SPEAKER_00]: I think about the reasons why we would enter this kind of relational dynamic. 03:57.564 --> 04:01.845 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, by way of quick review, here are a few myth-busters about marriage. 04:01.925 --> 04:02.546 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the first one. 04:03.006 --> 04:09.148 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is not a human construct, all right? 04:09.188 --> 04:17.732 [SPEAKER_00]: There are some people who, you know, because they want to do the other thing, they will complain about how restrictive marriage is and say, marriage is a human construct. 04:17.932 --> 04:18.452 [SPEAKER_00]: No, it's not. 04:18.572 --> 04:19.913 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage was God's idea. 04:21.113 --> 04:30.448 [SPEAKER_00]: It was God's idea to make a helper suitable for the man, and to bring that equal opposite female other to the man. 04:31.569 --> 04:34.714 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is also not a human contract. 04:35.713 --> 04:38.255 [SPEAKER_00]: It is more than just names signed on a paper. 04:38.576 --> 04:40.117 [SPEAKER_00]: It's deeper than it is actually a covenant. 04:40.397 --> 04:49.985 [SPEAKER_00]: Because in the garden, at the first wedding, it was no courts, no courthouse, no marriage license, or certificate, it was no contractual obligations. 04:50.105 --> 04:52.788 [SPEAKER_00]: It was covenantal based and relationship. 04:53.827 --> 04:56.769 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, marriage is not just for her. 04:57.790 --> 05:03.635 [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen videos on socials where some men are saying, or marriage are really only benefits to women. 05:03.715 --> 05:05.456 [SPEAKER_00]: She gets all the benefits out of the deal. 05:05.737 --> 05:07.598 [SPEAKER_00]: The man don't get no benefits out of the deal. 05:07.618 --> 05:08.439 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not true. 05:10.280 --> 05:12.562 [SPEAKER_00]: Because it wasn't the woman who was alone. 05:12.702 --> 05:14.804 [SPEAKER_00]: It was the man who was alone. 05:16.305 --> 05:19.147 [SPEAKER_00]: The man was looking at Samba and Nala. 05:19.347 --> 05:20.028 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, 05:24.226 --> 05:31.481 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I had a nala, he saw a nala look that silver and said I wish I had somebody to look at me that way. 05:32.553 --> 05:35.455 [SPEAKER_00]: And God said, it's not good for this man to be alone. 05:36.255 --> 05:42.019 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me make him an equal opposite female other to be his companion in every way. 05:42.399 --> 05:49.323 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, marriage is not just for him, because she receives honor as his equal in all things. 05:49.683 --> 05:57.828 [SPEAKER_00]: And what we notice about the first marriage is that marriage itself is the first human to human relationship. 05:59.255 --> 06:05.537 [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning there's no other relationship in scripture that precedes a human relating to another before marriage. 06:06.378 --> 06:13.621 [SPEAKER_00]: So not motherhood, not fatherhood, not sister brother because of untie them, not grandma, pottenet them, none of that. 06:13.701 --> 06:24.245 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is the first human relationship and it is the only human human relationship that existed before sin into the world. 06:25.900 --> 06:31.983 [SPEAKER_00]: Every other human relationship came to be after sin had already entered. 06:33.323 --> 06:39.987 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is the only human, human dynamic that existed before sin entered. 06:40.047 --> 06:46.189 [SPEAKER_00]: And so in the first marriage, we see that there was God, one man, and one woman. 06:46.249 --> 06:47.230 [SPEAKER_00]: And some of y'all are red. 06:47.250 --> 06:52.893 [SPEAKER_00]: This is all good, biblical exposition, but we don't live in Genesis 2, 06:54.929 --> 06:56.090 [SPEAKER_00]: We live in 2026. 06:56.210 --> 06:57.972 [SPEAKER_00]: Too shy. 06:58.212 --> 07:02.776 [SPEAKER_00]: Listen to what Kate Arthur says in her book, a marriage without regrets. 07:03.137 --> 07:08.562 [SPEAKER_00]: She says, Genesis 2 lays out a summary statement of marriage as God intended. 07:09.243 --> 07:16.930 [SPEAKER_00]: Every bit of it is good and reasonable and will work forever if only the Bible ended with chapter 2. 07:18.772 --> 07:19.452 [SPEAKER_00]: But it doesn't. 07:20.883 --> 07:29.648 [SPEAKER_00]: Following the beauty and glory of Genesis 2, we plunge into the horror and tragedy of Genesis 3. 07:30.529 --> 07:34.631 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we talk about marriage, we're going to sow your marriage of status. 07:36.052 --> 07:39.995 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm curious about your opinion of marriage. 07:40.715 --> 07:45.238 [SPEAKER_00]: Have you seen more of the beauty and glory in Genesis 2? 07:45.758 --> 07:48.560 [SPEAKER_00]: Or have you seen more of the horror and tragedy? 07:50.940 --> 07:54.604 [SPEAKER_00]: I think chances are we've seen more harry and tragedy. 07:55.524 --> 07:58.287 [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of us ask ourselves, why did I get married? 07:59.528 --> 08:03.172 [SPEAKER_00]: Or if you're unmarried, you may be asking yourself, why would I get married? 08:04.724 --> 08:09.347 [SPEAKER_00]: And my hope is to redeem the reasons of why you should do it. 08:09.728 --> 08:16.092 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you already married, and you second-guessing why you did it, hopefully one of these six reasons will give you something to reflect on. 08:17.053 --> 08:23.637 [SPEAKER_00]: If you are married and you think about doing it, people haven't let you and you turn them down, let me know, no, no, no, no, no, no. 08:24.898 --> 08:25.559 [SPEAKER_00]: Why would I do that? 08:27.884 --> 08:28.785 [SPEAKER_00]: to try to get them off you. 08:29.846 --> 08:32.309 [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully, one of the six reasons might resonate you. 08:32.729 --> 08:37.915 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're unmarried, don't wanna be a never been, maybe you used to be. 08:38.736 --> 08:47.906 [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully, one of the six reasons will make you think deeper about if you have closed off the possibility for that in your life and why. 08:48.690 --> 08:53.874 [SPEAKER_00]: So we want to look at a few biblical, I believe, reasons that retain the purpose of marriage. 08:53.894 --> 08:54.294 [SPEAKER_00]: You already? 08:54.655 --> 08:55.315 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the first one. 08:55.775 --> 08:58.457 [SPEAKER_00]: To honor the Lord and our Lord. 09:00.239 --> 09:04.622 [SPEAKER_00]: Why would I get married to honor the Lord and Lord? 09:04.922 --> 09:07.284 [SPEAKER_00]: Look at Ephesians 5, verse 21. 09:08.385 --> 09:14.409 [SPEAKER_00]: It says, subject your sales to one another in the fear of Christ. 09:14.449 --> 09:15.010 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you see that? 09:18.629 --> 09:24.732 [SPEAKER_00]: Subject yourselves of sports and meet yourselves to your own husbands, ask to who church the lower. 09:25.152 --> 09:35.276 [SPEAKER_00]: First 25 says, husbands, love your wives, just as who church, Christ did what, also love the church and gave himself a firm. 09:36.737 --> 09:43.480 [SPEAKER_00]: The mutual auditing in marriage honors the Lord and our lover. 09:45.093 --> 09:55.198 [SPEAKER_00]: However, when wives are forced to submit and husbands are forced to sacrifice, there is no honor because that is not love. 09:56.339 --> 10:01.721 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's a major key, real love honors the other's freedom of choice. 10:03.302 --> 10:08.005 [SPEAKER_00]: What that means is when you really love somebody, you give them the freedom to choose to submit or not. 10:09.346 --> 10:25.012 [SPEAKER_00]: to choose to sacrifice or not, because when each spouse sets their hearts on honoring the Lord first, that enables them to choose to make the personal, difficult choices that will also honor their lover. 10:25.932 --> 10:33.234 [SPEAKER_00]: So, we honor the Lord, and I'll love her about how we treat them, but also by being on a shamed of them in public. 10:34.075 --> 10:39.256 [SPEAKER_00]: See, marriage brings out into public with otherwise being kept in private. 10:39.316 --> 10:43.118 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if y'all noticed, it's a whole book of the Bible. 10:44.138 --> 10:46.999 [SPEAKER_00]: All this about is romantic love. 10:48.840 --> 10:50.681 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just love letters back and forth. 10:50.701 --> 10:52.902 [SPEAKER_00]: You thought we made a love letters in elementary school? 10:53.442 --> 10:53.743 [SPEAKER_00]: No. 10:54.183 --> 10:56.124 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a whole book of a Bible. 10:57.184 --> 11:06.609 [SPEAKER_00]: All it is is a love letters from this dark-skinned, beautiful lady, to this handsome king who were deeply in love with each other. 11:06.669 --> 11:08.050 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a book in the Bible. 11:08.470 --> 11:11.112 [SPEAKER_00]: And God's name is not even mentioned in the book. 11:11.712 --> 11:13.633 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus name not mentioned in the book. 11:13.933 --> 11:16.935 [SPEAKER_00]: Holy Spirit not mentioned in the book, but song of Solomon. 11:17.655 --> 11:18.736 [SPEAKER_00]: is in the Bible. 11:18.816 --> 11:24.121 [SPEAKER_00]: If you never read it, I'm telling you, it's better than your favorite. 11:24.141 --> 11:25.843 [SPEAKER_00]: So far, bro, it's better than you. 11:26.504 --> 11:27.365 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 11:27.845 --> 11:30.788 [SPEAKER_00]: Real housewives of whatever city you prefer. 11:31.889 --> 11:36.533 [SPEAKER_00]: You re-song the Solomon, you're gonna be like, okay, Lord. 11:36.593 --> 11:36.934 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 11:38.773 --> 12:00.379 [SPEAKER_00]: Right, look at what it says on the Solomon chapter 8 verse 6 through 7 in the New American Standard Bible, it says, put me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, for love is as strong as death, jealousy is as severe as she all is flames are flames of fire, the flame of the lower verse 7. 12:01.599 --> 12:05.923 [SPEAKER_00]: Many waters cannot quench love, nor will, rivers flood over it. 12:06.243 --> 12:11.568 [SPEAKER_00]: If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, it would be utterly despised. 12:12.529 --> 12:13.170 [SPEAKER_00]: What are they saying? 12:13.190 --> 12:15.432 [SPEAKER_00]: They're saying love is something that can be bought or sold. 12:15.772 --> 12:19.195 [SPEAKER_00]: It must be honored in public without shame. 12:20.056 --> 12:21.897 [SPEAKER_00]: Look at the same verse in the message by me. 12:22.358 --> 12:24.540 [SPEAKER_00]: Salah, Salah, Salah, in the 86 in the message by me. 12:24.960 --> 12:28.243 [SPEAKER_00]: It says, hang my locket around your neck. 12:29.388 --> 12:32.529 [SPEAKER_00]: And where my ring on your friend go? 12:33.590 --> 12:45.094 [SPEAKER_00]: Love is invisible facing danger and what the lover is saying is, if you want to honor me, show people that you wait me when I'm not around you. 12:46.135 --> 12:50.076 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the reason to be married to honor the Lord and to honor your lover. 12:50.256 --> 12:56.079 [SPEAKER_00]: But some of us like real, but my favorite song is Secret Love. 12:59.895 --> 13:01.256 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:06.961 --> 13:17.969 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:18.029 --> 13:18.750 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:18.770 --> 13:20.871 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:20.972 --> 13:23.293 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:23.313 --> 13:23.874 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:24.254 --> 13:24.754 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:24.775 --> 13:26.076 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:26.096 --> 13:26.536 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:26.556 --> 13:27.176 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:27.196 --> 13:27.837 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:27.857 --> 13:28.237 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:28.257 --> 13:28.678 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:28.698 --> 13:29.118 [SPEAKER_00]: What do we want? 13:31.370 --> 13:32.551 [SPEAKER_00]: So what would I get married? 13:32.832 --> 13:42.061 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, to honor God in public, and honor the one in public, who are also, you know, engaged with him probably. 13:42.101 --> 13:43.162 [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all picking up what we're going to do now? 13:43.923 --> 13:45.184 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a reason to get married. 13:45.204 --> 13:46.725 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, here's another reason. 13:46.966 --> 13:47.786 [SPEAKER_00]: Why would I get married? 13:47.806 --> 13:53.032 [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, to experience joy in the safety of covenant. 13:54.506 --> 13:57.487 [SPEAKER_00]: to experience joy in the safety of the cover. 13:57.807 --> 14:02.449 [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to be truly joyful when you don't feel safe. 14:04.950 --> 14:05.451 [SPEAKER_00]: Think about it. 14:06.111 --> 14:11.733 [SPEAKER_00]: When you don't feel safe, you're gonna first find safety before you experience joy. 14:11.953 --> 14:15.715 [SPEAKER_00]: One of my favorite pieces of content on social media is Black Boy Joy. 14:16.953 --> 14:23.237 [SPEAKER_00]: I just love to see black men, happy, dabbing each other up, not fighting, not beef men. 14:23.657 --> 14:28.460 [SPEAKER_00]: But most black men, if you say I said public, we walking around with a unit. 14:29.500 --> 14:31.421 [SPEAKER_00]: If you see me in the store, I might look like this. 14:32.442 --> 14:33.683 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, why can't you face like that? 14:34.483 --> 14:35.844 [SPEAKER_00]: These grocery prices, but oh. 14:35.864 --> 14:38.045 [SPEAKER_01]: That's right. 14:40.347 --> 14:42.528 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, I don't feel safe out here. 14:43.953 --> 14:46.979 [SPEAKER_00]: So I put a unit on it and nobody knows, don't think it's sweet. 14:47.941 --> 14:48.783 [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, you're home, I'm home. 14:49.244 --> 14:49.725 [SPEAKER_00]: But hello. 14:49.745 --> 14:51.027 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 14:52.270 --> 14:54.775 [SPEAKER_00]: Because Joy can't be experienced where safety is not felt. 14:55.762 --> 14:57.043 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, there's an ultimate joy. 14:57.103 --> 15:05.566 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a potential for joy that God has given us in the safety of the mayor of the covenant that will be a good reason to get married. 15:05.586 --> 15:06.867 [SPEAKER_00]: Look at Genesis 225. 15:06.887 --> 15:10.648 [SPEAKER_00]: This person will trip something to us out, because some of us not comfortable in our own skin. 15:11.429 --> 15:14.290 [SPEAKER_00]: You only like to look at yourself in the mirror, clothes or unclosed. 15:14.610 --> 15:23.554 [SPEAKER_00]: The Bible says in Genesis 225, and the man and his wife will bow naked, 15:24.497 --> 15:26.998 [SPEAKER_00]: but they were wet charts. 15:29.040 --> 15:34.022 [SPEAKER_00]: That mean, they were happy about themselves and each of them. 15:35.743 --> 15:37.925 [SPEAKER_00]: There was joy there, no shame. 15:39.083 --> 15:42.304 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, the reality is we live in a post genesis to world. 15:42.344 --> 15:47.905 [SPEAKER_00]: We live in a world where sand has tainted, even how we feel in our own skin. 15:48.505 --> 15:51.226 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's difficult sometimes to feel joying your own body. 15:51.506 --> 16:03.329 [SPEAKER_00]: Especially if you go through various physical changes, like you used to be in shape and you could run and jump, but then you turn 40 and then if you do some, your hamstring hurt for two weeks. 16:04.009 --> 16:05.130 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, wow. 16:05.350 --> 16:05.850 [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus. 16:09.563 --> 16:13.146 [SPEAKER_00]: My welcome to 40's story could have been a whole lot worse than it was. 16:13.707 --> 16:17.991 [SPEAKER_00]: I was in my dad's house doing my sabbatical plan basketball and the ball in over the face. 16:19.012 --> 16:21.874 [SPEAKER_00]: So we kept sending my nephew over the kitty, but the ball kept going. 16:21.894 --> 16:23.176 [SPEAKER_00]: So I said, never you don't worry about it. 16:23.356 --> 16:23.976 [SPEAKER_00]: Uncle Daddy. 16:24.197 --> 16:24.917 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 16:24.937 --> 16:29.301 [SPEAKER_00]: I jumped on the wall, jumped over the fence, full of land on two feet and I was like, 16:41.628 --> 16:45.792 [SPEAKER_00]: And, and I've got this thing where she can feel when I'm with somebody right with me. 16:46.232 --> 16:47.373 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm halfway over the wall. 16:47.393 --> 16:52.357 [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, wait there, I'll let it. 16:53.498 --> 16:55.000 [SPEAKER_00]: I made it back over the wall safely. 16:55.220 --> 16:57.802 [SPEAKER_00]: My hamstrings were sore for two weeks after. 17:00.104 --> 17:05.549 [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes it's hard to be comfortable in your own body because you don't, your body doesn't feel how you want it to feel. 17:06.563 --> 17:22.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Let alone be comfortable with somebody else's body, but there is a potential for joy to be experienced, and Genesis 225 implies that these people are so comfortable in their own skin, that there was no shame, only joy in what was happening physically. 17:24.248 --> 17:41.399 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, to be comfortable in our skin, is to have joy in and of ourselves, but then to experience that kind of shameless exposure with a person in marriage only should act to that joy and not take away from that joy. 17:42.159 --> 17:50.505 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, you can't talk about marriage, without talking about intimacy in sex, and I'm gonna talk about intimacy in sex in a few weeks, and I'm like, I'm gonna tell you, you win, so you can dodge, church that day. 17:54.023 --> 17:55.644 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, we're going to talk about it. 17:55.664 --> 17:56.504 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to be honest about it. 17:56.524 --> 18:06.469 [SPEAKER_00]: But here's what I want to say for now, and that is this, when we are healthy emotionally, and physically, and we're comfortable in our own nakedness. 18:07.689 --> 18:11.031 [SPEAKER_00]: And we are married to somebody that we think is fine. 18:11.051 --> 18:12.511 [SPEAKER_00]: And don't matter if somebody else think they fine. 18:12.531 --> 18:13.352 [SPEAKER_00]: We think they fine. 18:15.360 --> 18:20.643 [SPEAKER_00]: There is a wonderful joy we can experience in the body parts God gave us. 18:20.683 --> 18:21.343 [SPEAKER_00]: I need you to hear me. 18:21.663 --> 18:34.009 [SPEAKER_00]: I know Satan has done a number on us when it comes to sexuality, but Satan don't love you enough to give you the body parts that you use to do that do. 18:36.310 --> 18:37.211 [SPEAKER_00]: I need you to hear what I'm saying. 18:37.491 --> 18:41.213 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have any potential for joy in this area, it's a blessing from God. 18:43.108 --> 18:47.191 [SPEAKER_00]: All saying can do is taking a confusing, distorted, right? 18:47.431 --> 18:59.661 [SPEAKER_00]: Because we are about to have a change, but the joy that God wants us to feel is going to be hard to feel when you're not really safe, right? 18:59.961 --> 19:03.684 [SPEAKER_00]: When you don't feel safe, you can't really have true joy. 19:05.127 --> 19:09.129 [SPEAKER_00]: And the safety should be found in the covenant of marriage. 19:09.709 --> 19:12.671 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the potential there, right, for that kind of safety. 19:12.931 --> 19:19.454 [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all, one of my biggest fears of a natural disaster is a tidal wave or tsunami. 19:19.474 --> 19:21.375 [SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever seen a video, it's harrowing. 19:21.716 --> 19:23.757 [SPEAKER_00]: If you've not seen a video, don't Google it. 19:24.217 --> 19:26.358 [SPEAKER_00]: Just take my word for, it's scary. 19:27.619 --> 19:29.480 [SPEAKER_00]: If people just chilling on a beach, 19:30.604 --> 19:39.493 [SPEAKER_00]: Moninate business and a 30-foot wave crosses the boundary and sweeps them and everything behind them up. 19:40.396 --> 19:52.925 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, that water is powerful, strong currents in that water is beautiful to look at, the waves on top, the light-taming beneath, it is, it is, it is peaceful to sit on a beach and watch it. 19:53.265 --> 20:00.831 [SPEAKER_00]: But the only reason that powerful, amazing, beautiful water is something that brings you joy is if it stays in the boundary of the beach. 20:02.572 --> 20:08.657 [SPEAKER_00]: The minute that water decides that it's going to come over that beach, 30 feet, 20:09.630 --> 20:14.796 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to destroy everything in this path until it returns to its boundary. 20:15.838 --> 20:23.647 [SPEAKER_00]: I need you to pick up what I'm putting down in the confidence kind of a, you know, the scissors we make with our body, it's strong powerful stuff. 20:23.667 --> 20:27.833 [SPEAKER_00]: We tell my strong current, so I'm beautiful to enjoy it as long as it stays in its boundary. 20:28.913 --> 20:34.457 [SPEAKER_00]: Once it overflows, his boundary is going to take everything with it until it returns to his boundary. 20:35.277 --> 20:37.098 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you ask him to say, why did I get married? 20:37.619 --> 20:39.240 [SPEAKER_00]: Or why would I even consider getting married? 20:39.560 --> 20:49.206 [SPEAKER_00]: For the potential of joy and sight, but here's the third thing, number three, to give the gift that you become to someone worthy. 20:53.658 --> 20:55.720 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to start first with the way we see our sales. 20:55.760 --> 20:57.021 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the first thing I want to say. 20:57.081 --> 21:01.484 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you really believe you are a gift worth giving? 21:06.568 --> 21:18.098 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us are so, our own self-image is so marred by our own struggles and traumas that we don't even believe we are a gift worth giving. 21:25.552 --> 21:48.721 [SPEAKER_00]: But then some of us on the other side, you just assume you would get... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 21:53.297 --> 21:55.198 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't do it, because fraud a lot to you. 21:56.118 --> 21:59.059 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what we do, we gonna size ourselves up against other people. 21:59.740 --> 22:03.001 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't you think you got some other people who don't have you on the soul in your catch? 22:03.021 --> 22:05.582 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think it should do that, that's dangerous. 22:07.082 --> 22:12.084 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you're gonna always use a metric you think you have in greater capacity than somebody else. 22:13.245 --> 22:16.466 [SPEAKER_00]: Now knowing that the person you're trying to attract may not value that as much as you do. 22:18.547 --> 22:20.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't let fraud make you think you a catch. 22:21.873 --> 22:23.334 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I ain't mean to hurt your feelings. 22:23.415 --> 22:24.255 [SPEAKER_00]: Condive but not really. 22:25.997 --> 22:26.918 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to tear you down. 22:26.958 --> 22:27.919 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to bust your bubble. 22:28.199 --> 22:28.560 [SPEAKER_00]: That's it. 22:29.721 --> 22:30.942 [SPEAKER_00]: So we can get our feet on the ground. 22:31.122 --> 22:32.263 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the second major key. 22:32.764 --> 22:41.673 [SPEAKER_00]: Let humility guide you in doing the work that makes you a person who asks value everywhere you go. 22:42.907 --> 22:53.809 [SPEAKER_00]: What you're saying, Ralph, instead of assuming you are that, be humble enough to know, I got work to do on me and be committed to that work regardless of marital status. 22:54.920 --> 22:58.363 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be a person who adds value anywhere I go. 22:58.423 --> 23:00.504 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be a gift to anybody I connect with. 23:00.685 --> 23:08.611 [SPEAKER_00]: But I can't assume I'm a gift because on me, I got to be hung enough to do the work to let the Lord actually make me a gift worth giving. 23:09.391 --> 23:14.655 [SPEAKER_00]: And that includes every relationship in my life or your life, and it should also include our marriage. 23:15.036 --> 23:17.137 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, why is it important not to assume your catch? 23:17.397 --> 23:20.360 [SPEAKER_00]: Cause some of us being called in a soon you still a catch. 23:34.880 --> 23:39.926 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you used to be a catch before you was caught, and now you don't be in caught! 23:46.240 --> 23:48.321 [SPEAKER_00]: No, you got to say humble even when you've been called. 23:49.242 --> 23:50.623 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't stop doing the work. 23:51.243 --> 23:52.404 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you've been chose. 23:52.424 --> 23:53.344 [SPEAKER_00]: You got to do more. 23:54.225 --> 23:54.925 [SPEAKER_00]: Can't tell you why. 23:54.985 --> 23:57.407 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you're not the only one who think you're a spouse fine. 23:58.167 --> 23:58.627 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 23:59.428 --> 23:59.828 [SPEAKER_01]: All right. 24:01.189 --> 24:04.791 [SPEAKER_00]: You think you the only one who see what you see when you see what you see? 24:06.592 --> 24:06.732 [SPEAKER_01]: OK. 24:06.852 --> 24:10.334 [SPEAKER_00]: It's better be humble. 24:13.902 --> 24:15.664 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, the one who see value over there? 24:20.088 --> 24:21.909 [SPEAKER_00]: You all been a laugh while I say something real crazy. 24:21.929 --> 24:24.592 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, all right. 24:25.833 --> 24:37.384 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I don't already told him, if the Lord called me home any time soon, nobody knew me while I was alive. 24:47.097 --> 24:59.981 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh God, to go past it, one dude rolling up on it, I'm here to fill you with everything I got you. 25:00.041 --> 25:02.101 [SPEAKER_00]: Not if he shook my hand while I was alive. 25:12.610 --> 25:13.411 [SPEAKER_00]: you know what I'm saying. 25:13.591 --> 25:16.254 [SPEAKER_00]: I ain't no fool. 25:16.274 --> 25:20.939 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't assume I'm a catch cause I've been called. 25:22.300 --> 25:23.942 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a key I'm a be humble. 25:24.482 --> 25:26.504 [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I drink my water eat my vegetables. 25:26.584 --> 25:27.025 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to 25:36.280 --> 25:39.983 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't take for granted what you got and you can't take for granted somebody going to got you. 25:40.984 --> 25:45.848 [SPEAKER_00]: You've got to be a person who does the work to grow your value regardless of marital status. 25:46.649 --> 25:53.495 [SPEAKER_00]: Do I add value in every relationship or mean if not I might have too much pride and not enough humility. 25:54.742 --> 26:01.087 [SPEAKER_00]: because humility helps you grow as a person who sees other people as valuable and sees you as valuable. 26:01.267 --> 26:04.250 [SPEAKER_00]: And then what happens is, you become a gift. 26:04.910 --> 26:08.673 [SPEAKER_00]: Then you have to decide to give that gift to somebody worthy. 26:08.693 --> 26:09.634 [SPEAKER_00]: Let the church say worthy. 26:10.615 --> 26:15.939 [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you give a gift to somebody worthy, you can bond strength on strength. 26:17.820 --> 26:20.963 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the reason to get married, to make strong, stronger. 26:22.477 --> 26:45.347 [SPEAKER_00]: e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e e 26:51.600 --> 26:55.384 [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's easy for me to say because I've been married to the love of my life all my adult life. 26:56.746 --> 26:57.847 [SPEAKER_00]: But I really believe this. 26:58.188 --> 27:07.759 [SPEAKER_00]: It is better to have value alone than for your value, value to be reduced because you gave it to somebody who was on worthy. 27:10.601 --> 27:11.702 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, y'all are gonna meet me. 27:11.722 --> 27:12.402 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be mad at me. 27:12.662 --> 27:13.583 [SPEAKER_00]: Get mad at Jesus. 27:13.923 --> 27:17.366 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus said it, Matthew 7, verse 6. 27:17.386 --> 27:22.189 [SPEAKER_00]: Do not give what is holy to dogs. 27:27.313 --> 27:34.538 [SPEAKER_00]: Do not throw your pearls before. 27:34.558 --> 27:37.640 [SPEAKER_00]: Or they will tremble them under their feet. 27:39.062 --> 27:40.963 [SPEAKER_00]: and then turn and tear you to pieces. 27:43.043 --> 27:49.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus says, when you know you got some valuable, don't give it where it won't be appreciated. 27:52.385 --> 28:05.049 [SPEAKER_00]: Cause when you present value somewhere is not appreciated, they will reduce the value about trampling it under their feet, then destroy you for being so vulnerable with something so valuable. 28:05.529 --> 28:06.349 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I telling the truth? 28:08.738 --> 28:16.849 [SPEAKER_00]: So in biblical viewing is all I want to tell the thing, when you read a Bible, people just got married because they were just so spiritual. 28:17.310 --> 28:21.516 [SPEAKER_00]: No, connections in the Bible happened when value was added to value. 28:23.238 --> 28:24.600 [SPEAKER_00]: Union was strong from strength. 28:25.644 --> 28:28.587 [SPEAKER_00]: Right, and we see value added in the Bible through purity. 28:29.608 --> 28:32.231 [SPEAKER_00]: We see value added in the Bible to paying a dowry. 28:33.032 --> 28:36.275 [SPEAKER_00]: We see value added in the Bible through Godliness and character. 28:36.796 --> 28:39.578 [SPEAKER_00]: And we see value added through faith physically attract them. 28:40.019 --> 28:47.547 [SPEAKER_00]: All of these reasons are why people in the Bible who took so all these stories you hear of relationships, but as a rule, that was purity on purity. 28:49.103 --> 28:52.145 [SPEAKER_00]: His mode of it heart was pure, her mode of it heart was pure. 28:52.705 --> 28:56.648 [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't want none for her, but the best, and till he found out in the end, he was best for her. 28:56.828 --> 28:58.709 [SPEAKER_00]: That he was like, oh, yo, what's up? 29:01.331 --> 29:02.152 [SPEAKER_00]: A dowry. 29:02.312 --> 29:03.012 [SPEAKER_00]: What's a dowry? 29:03.032 --> 29:13.159 [SPEAKER_00]: A dowry is a tangible, financial token that is paid from one family to another to communicate value of the, the one being given a marriage. 29:13.739 --> 29:17.722 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, if you'll have something to give the ad, value you do not add a stiffer stiffer fit. 29:18.874 --> 29:21.296 [SPEAKER_00]: God in this, and physical attractiveness. 29:21.376 --> 29:24.157 [SPEAKER_00]: None of these things are unbiblical, none of these things are ungodbed. 29:24.177 --> 29:25.118 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me run on number four. 29:25.498 --> 29:26.299 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's another reason. 29:26.999 --> 29:28.840 [SPEAKER_00]: To become a resource to my spouse. 29:29.661 --> 29:29.941 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 29:30.421 --> 29:45.371 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if you got married or you're thinking about getting married to get your knees mad, if you married in his room, if you've been married, you couldn't even get to your first anniversary. 29:46.228 --> 29:51.031 [SPEAKER_00]: for you realize this not when I thought this was gonna be. 29:52.172 --> 29:55.614 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you get married, then get you got married for this person to meet your needs. 29:57.256 --> 30:00.478 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you, I'm married, if that's all the top of your list, take it off. 30:02.339 --> 30:02.559 [SPEAKER_00]: Why? 30:02.839 --> 30:11.966 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you can turn a girlfriend into your fiance, you can make your boyfriend your fiance, you turn her fiance into a spouse, but when you say I do, you don't turn a human being into God. 30:14.386 --> 30:18.508 [SPEAKER_00]: No where in scripture do you see, humans will meet your need. 30:20.449 --> 30:22.730 [SPEAKER_00]: All you see is Philippians 419. 30:23.451 --> 30:27.553 [SPEAKER_00]: God will so apply all your needs. 30:29.474 --> 30:32.836 [SPEAKER_00]: In marriage, your spouse is not your source. 30:34.517 --> 30:38.019 [SPEAKER_00]: Your needs are still sourced from God. 30:38.299 --> 30:42.602 [SPEAKER_00]: The goal of the spouse is to just be the number one human resource. 30:45.076 --> 30:46.016 [SPEAKER_00]: You picking up what I'm putting down? 30:46.977 --> 30:50.818 [SPEAKER_00]: Not to expect this person to meet your needs because they can't. 30:51.118 --> 30:52.079 [SPEAKER_00]: So man, here's what happens. 30:52.759 --> 30:54.399 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is about data. 30:54.439 --> 30:56.100 [SPEAKER_00]: When you data, all you see is they good. 30:58.781 --> 30:59.601 [SPEAKER_00]: Soon as you get married. 31:04.163 --> 31:06.144 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything they do irritation. 31:08.285 --> 31:11.926 [SPEAKER_00]: Then when you start to realize your knees are in jeopardy of not being met, 31:13.517 --> 31:16.580 [SPEAKER_00]: You become the most critical person of your spouse on earth. 31:18.302 --> 31:32.137 [SPEAKER_00]: You have been noticed that spouses can judge spouses, more than any other person can judge somebody, because you are so up close on them, you see all their flaws, and you start to doubt, how in the world can somebody so deeply flawed? 31:32.697 --> 31:34.559 [SPEAKER_00]: Meet all my knees like they were supposed to? 31:37.152 --> 31:41.015 [SPEAKER_00]: That's why Jesus says this, Matthew 7 and 1 through 5 in the message Bible. 31:41.535 --> 31:48.661 [SPEAKER_00]: He says, don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their false. 31:49.622 --> 31:56.667 [SPEAKER_00]: Unless, of course, you want to say in treatment that critical spirit has a way of bummer ain't getting it. 31:57.772 --> 32:02.853 [SPEAKER_00]: It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. 32:03.873 --> 32:09.514 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have the nerve to say, let me watch your face for you when your own face is distorted by contempt? 32:10.795 --> 32:19.176 [SPEAKER_00]: It's this whole traveling robot show mentality all over again, playing a whole year then down part instead of just living your part. 32:20.257 --> 32:26.918 [SPEAKER_00]: Write that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your man. 32:28.912 --> 32:36.141 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to tell some stories from our marriage during the series. 32:36.681 --> 32:37.622 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to tell you why now. 32:37.903 --> 32:40.766 [SPEAKER_00]: I was very critical of her in the first two or three years of our marriage. 32:40.826 --> 32:42.728 [SPEAKER_00]: So critical, I don't even know how she made it through. 32:43.689 --> 32:45.431 [SPEAKER_00]: Especially the more I've gotten, the no her. 32:47.017 --> 32:50.339 [SPEAKER_00]: over the last 16 years we've been married. 32:50.359 --> 32:52.160 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how she made it through the first two years. 32:52.960 --> 32:55.542 [SPEAKER_00]: My problem was I thought my criticism was helping. 32:55.962 --> 32:59.604 [SPEAKER_00]: When my issue was all the energy I was turning on her, I should have turned on me. 33:00.404 --> 33:05.027 [SPEAKER_00]: I ain't grow up in the house with a healthy marriage anymore. 33:05.367 --> 33:06.168 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not a man. 33:06.188 --> 33:07.788 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm not a woman. 33:07.929 --> 33:09.349 [SPEAKER_00]: How am I telling a woman how to be a wife? 33:10.210 --> 33:10.830 [SPEAKER_01]: I am a man. 33:24.097 --> 33:24.737 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, God. 33:24.757 --> 33:25.158 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, God. 33:25.178 --> 33:25.478 [UNKNOWN]: Oh, God. 33:25.538 --> 33:28.639 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God. 33:29.359 --> 33:30.540 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God. 33:30.640 --> 33:31.620 [UNKNOWN]: Oh, God. 33:32.481 --> 33:33.161 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not a woman. 33:33.301 --> 33:34.481 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a Chris Osso wife. 33:36.242 --> 33:40.584 [SPEAKER_00]: All the energy I was focused on when she went and doing shit them and focused on me. 33:41.184 --> 33:41.624 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God. 33:41.705 --> 33:43.065 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm glad to grow their leave me. 33:46.300 --> 33:48.121 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm too much as criticize a little stuff. 33:48.762 --> 33:50.323 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not helping by being critical. 33:51.324 --> 33:57.309 [SPEAKER_00]: What you're doing is that anxious energy in you doesn't make you turn on your spouse is really a lack of self-awareness. 33:57.549 --> 34:04.214 [SPEAKER_00]: Because if you turn that energy on yourself, you will be humbled by how much you realize you have to fix in you. 34:04.815 --> 34:05.936 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, great happiness. 34:06.196 --> 34:06.296 [UNKNOWN]: Mm. 34:09.018 --> 34:10.459 [SPEAKER_00]: Then you become a resource. 34:10.659 --> 34:13.442 [SPEAKER_00]: The only way I can be a resource to my spouse is if I first 34:15.125 --> 34:15.585 [SPEAKER_00]: dealt with me. 34:16.225 --> 34:16.926 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I telling the truth? 34:17.146 --> 34:17.326 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 34:18.106 --> 34:18.306 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 34:18.786 --> 34:22.267 [SPEAKER_00]: And as a resource to my spouse, how do I do that by fearing God myself? 34:23.908 --> 34:27.349 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're not really fearing God for real, you're not a gift to your spouse. 34:29.190 --> 34:29.670 [SPEAKER_01]: Come on now. 34:29.870 --> 34:32.551 [SPEAKER_00]: You know when your own private way was you got going on. 34:33.271 --> 34:38.533 [SPEAKER_00]: If there's no fear of God in the parts that you they have yet to discover, you can't be a resource to do. 34:40.097 --> 34:43.199 [SPEAKER_00]: You also want to become a resource to your spouse by giving them great advice. 34:43.599 --> 34:46.341 [SPEAKER_00]: You have more influence over them than any other human being. 34:47.162 --> 34:48.522 [SPEAKER_00]: Give them wise advice. 34:50.324 --> 34:55.647 [SPEAKER_00]: Remain emotionally health in yourself, so you can honor their emotional needs. 34:55.947 --> 34:59.790 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're not emotionally healthy yourself, you can honor their emotional needs. 35:02.492 --> 35:07.395 [SPEAKER_00]: Remain physically healthy enough as much as you can, so you can honor their physical needs. 35:08.326 --> 35:09.367 [SPEAKER_00]: Then you become a resource. 35:09.967 --> 35:10.988 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm almost done number five. 35:11.188 --> 35:12.168 [SPEAKER_00]: Why should I get married? 35:13.009 --> 35:22.835 [SPEAKER_00]: You should get married if God brings you someone, that he makes abundantly clear, is crucial for your total flourishing. 35:26.757 --> 35:32.961 [SPEAKER_00]: And if God don't make it abundantly clear, then they are crucial for your total flourishing. 35:35.713 --> 36:05.323 [SPEAKER_00]: Flow, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flowed on, flow 36:08.337 --> 36:19.903 [SPEAKER_00]: Look at Genesis 24, 21, since meanwhile the man was taking the close look at her incitement to find out whether the watch or the Lord had made his journey successful now. 36:20.363 --> 36:28.287 [SPEAKER_00]: See God hadn't intended to bless Isaac, he's a son of Abraham, and that blessing of flourishing couldn't happen without life. 36:29.087 --> 36:31.247 [SPEAKER_00]: sometimes you can flourish in singleness. 36:31.748 --> 36:36.889 [SPEAKER_00]: For Isaac, he could not flourish to become all God had promised without a wife. 36:37.409 --> 36:41.490 [SPEAKER_00]: The sad thing is his mother Sarah died when he was 37 years old. 36:42.430 --> 36:46.391 [SPEAKER_00]: And so his mother Sarah died when I was seeing her daughter in law. 36:46.791 --> 36:49.851 [SPEAKER_00]: She also died without ever kissing the cheek of her grandmother. 36:50.892 --> 36:51.772 [SPEAKER_00]: Sarah dies. 36:52.252 --> 36:55.032 [SPEAKER_00]: Abraham looks at Isaac and says, I mean the boy 36:59.792 --> 37:01.233 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me help my son now. 37:02.173 --> 37:08.595 [SPEAKER_00]: He got a serving and said, hey, I need you to go back to my home town because all white your girls are around here for my son. 37:09.155 --> 37:09.796 [SPEAKER_00]: He need help. 37:09.916 --> 37:13.637 [SPEAKER_00]: He ain't blank, I know Gary, he thirded to send me his mom and going, if I'm gonna help him, I don't know what's gonna happen. 37:14.477 --> 37:20.179 [SPEAKER_00]: Go home and I need you to find a good girl for my son from our people. 37:21.300 --> 37:24.241 [SPEAKER_00]: The serving leaves, he's on the way, he's praying like Lord. 37:24.961 --> 37:27.882 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't send me out here with 10 cameras with all this wealth on it. 37:28.972 --> 37:30.513 [SPEAKER_00]: to find to not find the right one. 37:30.533 --> 37:31.854 [SPEAKER_00]: I need you to show me the right one. 37:32.254 --> 37:33.675 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know when it's the right one. 37:33.735 --> 37:34.636 [SPEAKER_00]: Give me a sign. 37:35.216 --> 37:35.997 [SPEAKER_00]: He gets there. 37:36.217 --> 37:40.660 [SPEAKER_00]: He sees a girl right in the back of the Bible describes her as a shepherd as she is beautiful. 37:41.360 --> 37:42.721 [SPEAKER_00]: Ain't no saying they're being beautiful. 37:43.502 --> 37:45.383 [SPEAKER_00]: He looks at the girl like, oh my God. 37:45.403 --> 37:47.084 [SPEAKER_00]: She, okay, she really liked that for real. 37:48.325 --> 37:53.849 [SPEAKER_00]: But instead of getting caught up on the physical, he's like, no, I'm not going to help you. 37:54.409 --> 37:54.850 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know. 37:56.357 --> 37:57.818 [SPEAKER_00]: And the Lord makes it clear. 37:58.559 --> 37:59.640 [SPEAKER_00]: Her name was Rebecca. 38:00.380 --> 38:04.363 [SPEAKER_00]: She was crucial for Isaac's total flourishing. 38:05.584 --> 38:12.690 [SPEAKER_00]: Genesis 2466-67, and the end of that chapter is says, the servant told Isaac all the things that had done. 38:12.710 --> 38:13.410 [SPEAKER_00]: He had done. 38:14.051 --> 38:18.194 [SPEAKER_00]: Then Isaac brought her into his mother's tent to Rebecca. 38:18.254 --> 38:19.175 [SPEAKER_00]: She became his wife. 38:19.535 --> 38:20.436 [SPEAKER_00]: He loved her. 38:21.016 --> 38:23.218 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was comforted after his mother's death. 38:24.429 --> 38:34.993 [SPEAKER_00]: Isaac was single until he met the one who was crucial for him to truly flourish in a way that God had ordained for him to flourish. 38:35.554 --> 38:37.895 [SPEAKER_00]: The truth is this is why I got married when I did. 38:39.075 --> 38:40.956 [SPEAKER_00]: This is why I got married at 21. 38:41.036 --> 38:42.517 [SPEAKER_00]: I would not recommend it. 38:43.377 --> 38:43.717 [SPEAKER_01]: That's right. 38:43.737 --> 38:45.078 [SPEAKER_01]: That's right. 38:45.858 --> 38:46.218 [SPEAKER_01]: Amen. 38:47.379 --> 38:50.100 [SPEAKER_00]: Strongly not recommended. 38:51.622 --> 38:54.144 [SPEAKER_00]: but I also didn't mean to get married at that 21. 38:55.986 --> 39:00.509 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like at that time, God brought this girl in my life and all I had to think of myself is okay. 39:00.629 --> 39:05.674 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not really ready for this, but if I let her go, do my own thing. 39:06.434 --> 39:08.015 [SPEAKER_00]: When I'm done, do my own thing. 39:08.416 --> 39:09.276 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a look for her. 39:11.058 --> 39:13.780 [SPEAKER_00]: Then she gonna be married to the most rich man in the world. 39:13.800 --> 39:14.561 [SPEAKER_00]: That's true. 39:17.063 --> 39:18.204 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, remember me? 39:20.394 --> 39:25.778 [SPEAKER_00]: So let me just skip on it and make myself the richest man in the world and do this. 39:29.001 --> 39:38.048 [SPEAKER_00]: It was crucial for my total flourish and I would not have become who I am still becoming if I had not married, who I did, when I did. 39:44.924 --> 39:54.459 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the major key, when you recognize God's hand in bringing you a person, choose complete flourishing over cheek phone. 39:54.499 --> 39:56.081 [SPEAKER_01]: All right, come on. 39:57.303 --> 39:59.847 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna lead it right there. 40:01.333 --> 40:09.697 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, somebody put in our poll last week, how to know they want to meet a preacher about how to know if God has designated the spouse for you as a single individual. 40:10.537 --> 40:16.440 [SPEAKER_00]: I desire marriage, but don't know if God has that in his plan for me because I've been a single for so long. 40:17.401 --> 40:18.821 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a difficult question to answer. 40:19.242 --> 40:20.202 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me answer this way. 40:20.882 --> 40:23.184 [SPEAKER_00]: The issue is not being single or being married. 40:23.924 --> 40:25.805 [SPEAKER_00]: The issue is, are you flourishing? 40:28.448 --> 40:30.229 [SPEAKER_00]: The goal in life is not to get married. 40:30.830 --> 40:32.291 [SPEAKER_00]: The goal in life is to flourish. 40:33.972 --> 40:37.135 [SPEAKER_00]: But come, all that God is designed you to be. 40:37.215 --> 40:38.996 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage should only add to that. 40:40.617 --> 40:47.523 [SPEAKER_00]: If you focused on flourishing, you should only hook it up if their presence causes your flourishing to multiply. 40:48.411 --> 40:49.852 [SPEAKER_00]: But marriage is not a goal. 40:49.892 --> 40:51.913 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not better off married or worse off single. 40:52.294 --> 40:54.015 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not better off single, worse off married. 40:54.275 --> 40:56.196 [SPEAKER_00]: It depends on the dynamic and the story. 40:56.376 --> 41:04.022 [SPEAKER_00]: The question is, am I flourishing to become all they got as designed to be and does this potential relationship at today? 41:05.148 --> 41:06.810 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't try to hit a words of care and complaining. 41:06.930 --> 41:12.595 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm very old, she wrote an amazing book or marriage called experienced teachers keys to a successful marriage. 41:12.875 --> 41:15.778 [SPEAKER_00]: It's care here, she's not here, good, she don't like the tension. 41:16.379 --> 41:17.880 [SPEAKER_00]: So now I can brag on her, she's not here. 41:19.121 --> 41:22.204 [SPEAKER_00]: Now if you don't know caring, you know Sam, that much I do know. 41:22.224 --> 41:23.425 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 41:24.746 --> 41:26.368 [SPEAKER_00]: There he is, I'm surprised he's quiet. 41:29.396 --> 41:37.041 [SPEAKER_00]: Sam and Karen, the two peas in the bot in the clinics and she wrote a book I'm trying to hear this quote from Karen's book. 41:37.282 --> 41:45.227 [SPEAKER_00]: She said one important thing to remember is that you should never go to an event or through life on the hunt for our spouse. 41:46.488 --> 41:53.173 [SPEAKER_00]: If you do, your motives will come through right away and will probably scare off anyone who might have been interested. 41:54.253 --> 42:02.199 [SPEAKER_00]: Just have fun and wait on God to show you your spouse in his own time. 42:04.301 --> 42:05.842 [SPEAKER_00]: What does care say, and care does that look? 42:06.563 --> 42:08.865 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be distracted by a game hookup. 42:10.406 --> 42:11.287 [SPEAKER_00]: Just flourish. 42:12.147 --> 42:19.333 [SPEAKER_00]: And what you might find in the process of flourish is God might just bring you somebody to make that better. 42:19.393 --> 42:22.295 [SPEAKER_00]: And if he don't not be in marriage, shouldn't keep you from flourish. 42:22.555 --> 42:22.876 [SPEAKER_00]: Amen? 42:24.315 --> 42:25.956 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, y'all been joining this message so far? 42:26.937 --> 42:27.558 [SPEAKER_00]: Praise the Lord. 42:31.601 --> 42:32.041 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 42:32.061 --> 42:34.163 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad I needed those claps before number six. 42:36.965 --> 42:39.087 [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to make sure you was cool before you're not cool. 42:40.528 --> 42:42.269 [SPEAKER_00]: I should have took a off-road earlier. 42:45.011 --> 42:46.092 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, here goes nothing. 42:47.553 --> 42:53.278 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the last reason we should get married because you really don't have any real reason not to be married. 42:55.358 --> 42:56.078 [SPEAKER_00]: What's your saying around? 42:56.618 --> 42:58.959 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking to the people who do everything you would do. 42:59.880 --> 43:02.621 [SPEAKER_00]: If you weren't married, but yet you just not. 43:05.742 --> 43:08.563 [SPEAKER_00]: The question for you is not, why did I get married or why should I get married? 43:08.583 --> 43:11.424 [SPEAKER_00]: The question for you is, why won't I get married? 43:13.644 --> 43:17.806 [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning, have you closed off that party or self for some reason you haven't explored? 43:17.826 --> 43:23.588 [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people would say, hey, why was somebody by a cow if they get in the milk for free? 43:25.852 --> 43:27.894 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, two-shay, I agree with it. 43:27.934 --> 43:28.834 [SPEAKER_00]: But here's what I want to say. 43:30.075 --> 43:33.218 [SPEAKER_00]: Even in the milk is good, you still want the count to be blessed. 43:33.738 --> 43:33.939 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 43:35.600 --> 43:40.324 [SPEAKER_00]: That's why, look what Paul said. 43:40.384 --> 43:48.630 [SPEAKER_00]: 1st Corinthians 7, he said, but if they do not have self-control, let them marry. 43:49.631 --> 43:51.953 [SPEAKER_00]: For it is better to marry than to burn, we 43:54.913 --> 43:55.633 [SPEAKER_00]: What does he say? 43:56.334 --> 44:02.956 [SPEAKER_00]: He's saying, if you're gonna do everything as if you weren't married, just gonna get married. 44:05.017 --> 44:10.479 [SPEAKER_00]: Because what you want more than the benefits is the blessing. 44:12.279 --> 44:14.000 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's what Emma Churney says. 44:14.960 --> 44:20.102 [SPEAKER_00]: Emma Churney says, I want the relational dynamic to become being it for me. 44:25.878 --> 44:28.959 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if I'm inconvenienced, I won't die to be glorified. 44:32.561 --> 44:36.682 [SPEAKER_00]: Someone wasn't getting married just because you already basically. 44:40.544 --> 44:41.244 [SPEAKER_00]: So why won't you? 44:43.705 --> 44:45.246 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it a wound you haven't acknowledged? 44:45.866 --> 44:49.548 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it an example you saw that's made you think if they can work out? 44:49.588 --> 44:50.268 [SPEAKER_00]: Why would I try? 44:52.437 --> 45:02.140 [SPEAKER_00]: because it's something that happens to you in the previous relationship that made you open up your body again, but not your heart again. 45:02.380 --> 45:06.401 [SPEAKER_00]: If you know you already play a house, don't you want a house to be blessed? 45:07.481 --> 45:08.522 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not even judging you. 45:10.182 --> 45:11.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm encouraging you. 45:11.162 --> 45:12.603 [SPEAKER_00]: You won't the blessing of God. 45:12.643 --> 45:13.883 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want just good sex. 45:16.244 --> 45:19.565 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 45:21.212 --> 45:23.133 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want just somebody to split the bills, we? 45:25.235 --> 45:29.698 [SPEAKER_00]: You want the blessing of God on your life. 45:30.838 --> 45:32.920 [SPEAKER_00]: Trust me, it's better than good sex. 45:36.762 --> 45:37.803 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I telling the truth, church? 45:37.823 --> 45:44.888 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I'm gonna stop while I'm here. 45:47.051 --> 45:48.692 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, here's the ask for you. 45:48.712 --> 45:54.016 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to try to differentiate these asks based on our relational status. 45:54.596 --> 45:56.918 [SPEAKER_00]: If you are married, here's the ask for you today. 45:57.618 --> 46:00.981 [SPEAKER_00]: How realistic are your current expectations for your spouse? 46:03.282 --> 46:13.009 [SPEAKER_00]: If you've been married, long enough, five minutes, you know expectations can destroy your relationship, especially on spoken expectations on fair expectations 46:17.610 --> 46:24.314 [SPEAKER_00]: In this season of y'all marriage, how realistic are your expectations of your spouse? 46:25.235 --> 46:31.378 [SPEAKER_00]: Because season's change, people change, and so do expectations, all right? 46:32.399 --> 46:36.301 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the ask for those who desire to be married, so you're not married, but you want to be. 46:37.962 --> 46:43.286 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you able to fulfill the expectations you might have of a future spouse? 46:44.807 --> 46:45.307 [SPEAKER_00]: Be honest. 46:47.500 --> 46:54.084 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you make a list of what you want in the marriage, don't make a list of what you want in the mate, make a list of what you want to be as a mate. 46:56.906 --> 47:00.809 [SPEAKER_00]: Cause you will make a list of 25 things they gotta be. 47:01.309 --> 47:02.830 [SPEAKER_00]: And you got one thing on your list. 47:02.930 --> 47:03.931 [SPEAKER_00]: I just gotta be me. 47:06.773 --> 47:07.834 [SPEAKER_00]: I just gotta be myself. 47:09.522 --> 47:35.619 [SPEAKER_00]: What they gotta be smart, this complexion, this body time, this love and education, this lover income, good and bad but not too good, good job, made this much money, what you gotta be myself, come on now, set a focus on a listen what you want, focus on a listen what you want to become. 47:36.955 --> 47:39.635 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the asked with all those, you are mayor and you're trying to be. 47:41.056 --> 47:44.196 [SPEAKER_00]: You like, Rev, I'm not even coming to church with the next two. 47:45.877 --> 47:47.037 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm good over here. 47:48.677 --> 47:51.458 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm having for you, because marriage is not the answer, flourishing use. 47:51.818 --> 47:58.559 [SPEAKER_00]: But here's my ask for, you know, are your reasons for not wanting marriage connected to something unhealed at a deeper level? 47:59.659 --> 48:01.759 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not trying to persuade you to get married. 48:01.819 --> 48:03.220 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to persuade you to get healed. 48:05.314 --> 48:10.255 [SPEAKER_00]: If your reasons for not going to be married a healthy, made a little bless you, you are flourishing. 48:12.156 --> 48:16.957 [SPEAKER_00]: But if your reasons are tied to something that you're really dealt with, I want to encourage you to do with that. 48:17.017 --> 48:18.378 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the action I can for everybody. 48:19.398 --> 48:29.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Seek out a Christian professional to help you, their personal counselor, to help you with anything this message on Earth. 48:29.941 --> 48:33.042 [SPEAKER_00]: A man church, and may give you a little hand kind of appraiser if you would.