[SPEAKER_00]: You are listening to Holding Space Podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Dr. Cassidy Freedis.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a mom to three and licensed marriage and family therapist.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a really glad that you took the time to hold space for you by tuning in to today's episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: My hope with this podcast is to share conversations with experts from around the world and parents who've been through it so that maybe you feel a little less alone in your experiences and the messy side of being a parent and being a human.
[SPEAKER_00]: and so that you can walk away with supportive steps for what to do next.
[SPEAKER_00]: Listening to this episode is not a substitute for seeking support from my professional in your area.
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe that holding space and offering presence to both ourselves and others is truly one of the most meaningful ways that we can express care.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey there and welcome back to Holdings Based Podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Dr. Cassidy and I'm so glad you are tuning in today.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are talking about Perry Menopause.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, I am starting to enter this season of life and I want to go in more prepared and not be making sense of it all in hindsight.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I did with Postpartum with my first, who just recently turned 14.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is still wild to me that she's 14.
[SPEAKER_00]: But, 14 years ago, I was really, really struggling with Postpartum, with this huge shift in what I did not feel prepared for with my identity.
[SPEAKER_00]: the impact that sleep deprivation and these sleep challenges would have on me navigating the feeding journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, but also just the impact that all had on my mental health which was impacting my relationships and my partner was struggling.
[SPEAKER_00]: While I was struggling, we were struggling both at the same time, it just rocked me.
[SPEAKER_00]: My body had changed.
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt like I was never going to feel like myself again.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was all in hindsight that I've made sense of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want to go into this next season and this huge shift in transition.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to go into it, feeling as unprepared as I was for postpartum.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm guessing that if you are listening to this, and if you follow me, you have related to some of the challenges that I've...
[SPEAKER_00]: discuss on this podcast or that I talk about on social media and you want to go in more prepared to maybe you're not there yet but you don't want to be shell-shocked once you're there maybe you're already in it and you're already maybe struggling and wanting to find ways to be supporting yourself or more prepared and so that's what we're going to talk about today.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's start off by identifying and defining some of these terms.
[SPEAKER_00]: What is perimenopause and menopause?
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's start with menopause.
[SPEAKER_00]: So menopause is actually a single day in time I've learned because this is what I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: I get curious about something I dive in real deep and I read all the things I can about it so that I can better support my clients and provide that information to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is a single day in time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's officially marked when you've gone 12 consecutive months without a period.
[SPEAKER_00]: And after that day, you are considered postmenopausal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Perry menopause is that transition leading up to menopause.
[SPEAKER_00]: It can start in your 30s, early 40s, and can last anywhere, four folks from four to 10 years, sometimes longer.
[SPEAKER_00]: And during this time, your hormones, primarily estrogen and progesterone, begin to fluctuate in some unpredictable ways as your body
[SPEAKER_00]: begins to prepare for this huge shift in adjustment.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about estrogen for a second.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can think of estrogen as the conductor of an orchestra.
[SPEAKER_00]: It impacts things, a lot of things.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's there at the head saying, okay, time for this, time for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: It impacts your menstrual cycle, yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: But also your brain, bones, heart, skin, and your mood.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when estrogen levels rise and fall unpredictably, you're going to feel it everywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so why don't we talk about this more?
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that culturally, menopause has often been framed as
[SPEAKER_00]: the end of youth or vitality.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that doesn't sell, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And don't give me wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot that I could say about that piece of youth and vitality is all we want to focus on.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we'll say that for another episode in conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the thing is, if we are all fortunate enough to live long enough,
[SPEAKER_00]: we are all going to experience this.
[SPEAKER_00]: What I've also learned is that a lot of the doctors that we often have turned to when we are experiencing these confusing symptoms or body changes, brain fog, a lot of these unfortunately these doctors are not getting enough training themselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what that leads to is this kind of vicious cycle of feeling like what's wrong with me, I go to my doctor, they say, oh,
[SPEAKER_00]: this is all in your head or gaslighting you or they just don't have enough information to know how to actually support you with those symptoms that you are experiencing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm also learning is that it's something that's pretty tricky to test for like with blood work and such and so really it's about the symptoms and if it's about the symptoms then women have to believe, have to be believed in the medical system that their symptoms are real.
[SPEAKER_00]: and something that are important enough to attune to.
[SPEAKER_00]: And unfortunately, that's not all of our experiences either.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, this transition is a big one.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can feel destabilizing, but I also believe that it's a doorway to this new season of life that also comes with some pretty good and cool stuff too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to walk through this transition over the next maybe 10 years with intention, with feeling informed, knowing where to go for support, and then getting that support, and I want to help you do it too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about some of the commonly known symptoms, and maybe some of the symptoms that aren't as commonly known, but are very much real, and things for you to kind of hold in mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when we think about menopause, what are some of the first symptoms that come to mind?
[SPEAKER_00]: The most of us have heard of hot flashes, so those sudden waves of heat that can last seconds or minutes, night sweats, like hot flashes, but happening at night so it can be really disruptive for sleep, irregular periods, your cycle might get shorter or lengthen,
[SPEAKER_00]: This is definitely, these are definitely things that I have been experiencing over the last year with irregular periods and also night sweats.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been dabbling in this face taping movement, I don't know if it works, I don't, I'm not here saying that you should do it too, but I was trying it and it was
[SPEAKER_00]: It seems like when I wake up in the morning at least right when I take them off, like some of the lines are a little smoother, and then they just kind of pop back up throughout the day, but it only works for those few moments when I take it off.
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm not sweating it off the middle of the night, and you know what, I am sweating it off, not every night.
[SPEAKER_00]: It seems to be during certain times of my cycle, but the cycles are pretty irregular now too, so that's, that's hard to predict.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yes, so going through a little bit of that and these are real and the effect quality of life for sure, but they're only part of the picture.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there are less common but equally real symptoms that many folks might find themselves feeling blindsided by or just not knowing that this is part of it and that there could be support around that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And let's talk first about sleep disruption.
[SPEAKER_00]: So sleep is so foundational to everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm working with a client, one of the first things I want to talk about is your sleep.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're not getting good sleep, really therapy can be quite tricky because you need at least four, six hours of restorative rest for your brain to function.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if we're going to be doing, you know, deep trauma work or talking about family cycles or your triggers, we need to make sure that your brain is at that functioning state and sleep is so so key.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's something that's obviously so disrupted in postpartum and can show up again here in perimenopause.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you're waking up in the middle of night and then can't go back to sleep, and this could be linked to those night sweats, but sometimes not, brain fog and memory changes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So trouble of recalling words, losing your train of thought for getting appointments, like being in a meeting and all of a sudden you just can't access that word.
[SPEAKER_00]: quite competent on it comes to being able to communicate in different situations.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or you're just trying to get through the day.
[SPEAKER_00]: This can be really, really difficult.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or if maybe brain fog is something that already feels like something that you experience from stress or neurodivergence.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then having this on top of that can really teeter us over the edge to a place where it really feels like I cannot function like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And can really impact identity, self-esteem, and our mental health.
[SPEAKER_00]: New changes, so heightened anxiety, irritability,
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, uh, yeah, I can relate to that one, uh, I think my family could attest that to, uh, depressive like symptoms, even if you've never struggled before, uh, joint pain, muscle aches, frozen shoulder, that's a thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: An estrogen really can impact inflammation and joint health too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Weight and metabolism shifts, so noticing,
[SPEAKER_00]: changes in libido, sometimes lower.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some folks I have had clients who have shared that it's actually increased there.
[SPEAKER_00]: They've noticed increase in their libido.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's not to say that one, or it's just a decrease often, but there can be just changes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it can often be unpredictable.
[SPEAKER_00]: And have a huge impact on partner dynamics and partner relationship as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Vaginal and bladder changes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So vaginal dryness is comfort.
[SPEAKER_00]: a more frequent infections, hair and skin changes, so thinning hair, drier skin, acne flare-ups, all of a sudden, that's been a fun one, just that loss of skin elasticity, cardiovascular change.
[SPEAKER_00]: So cholesterol, blood pressure changes, a sense estrogen can be how protective effects when it comes to these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, if you others might be ringing in the ears, which actually I have been having more of, and I was talking to someone about it, and then was researching a little bit about it, and then of course, take talk, listening always, I guess, started serving me a ton of videos about ear ringing and what that means, and those were interesting videos to come across.
[SPEAKER_00]: I digress, so you're ringing dry eyes can also be a symptom and so there's a lot of different things to be considering you may have increase in headaches, digestive changes as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, this less can feel overwhelming, but naming it, I think, really matters, because when you know what to expect or what's possible, you don't feel as lost or as broken when symptoms arise, or you're like, okay, here's this thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've heard this can be a symptom.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm putting the puzzle pieces together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now I can communicate this to people around me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can hopefully find a provider that specializes in this and has extensive trainings so they can provide the best match of treatment for me here.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk a little bit about the intersection, though, with mental health, parenting, and relationships.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this is really where I am very interested because this is an area that I believe that my clients are going to age with me, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be supporting you all as we go through this, and I want to be prepared for that not only for myself, but for you or for my clients.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so let's explore.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's zoom out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why does this big shift matter in the context of our whole lives?
[SPEAKER_00]: So, from a mental health perspective, hormonal fluctuations will amplify anxiety, depression, irritability, rage, if you've had postpartum depression or anxiety or PMDD, you may be more sensitive during perimenopause, or maybe you don't have any history, and all of a sudden, you're like, wow, my body is on constant hypervigilance.
[SPEAKER_00]: threat detection, like I am having room-enating thoughts.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're so sticky.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm finding myself so irritable.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the sound of my kids' voices, maybe husband's voice, is like scratching up against my brain, like sandpaper, and I'm just, can't, it's like so close to like, it's so close to my skin when like I used to be able to like, maybe more regulate that, or manage that, or, you know, happen once in a while, but now it's like all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: From a parenting perspective, many of us go through premenopause ball raising tweens, teens, or even launching kids into adulthood.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's this like CN Witch reality, the CN Witch era, caring for children,
[SPEAKER_00]: and then often aging parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this has been something that's been very real for me and for us.
[SPEAKER_00]: My mom recently got a cancer diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cancer is in her uterus, so it's also bringing up a bunch of stuff that I'm still processing about what that means.
[SPEAKER_00]: There might be some genetic stuff going on there too that we have to get testing for.
[SPEAKER_00]: And while we're figuring out what all this means for her.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, but it means for me and for my daughters as well, but I am navigating showing up for my parents while also having just recently lost my mom's parents and my grandparents.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's grief, there's facing our own mortality while really reckoning with our own
[SPEAKER_00]: aging and our own mortality, as well as navigating the ricochet of hormones, jumping bouncing through the house with kids that are going through their own hormonal fluctuations as their entering puberty.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is a lot, it's a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know then there's a brain fog and an exhaustion that can just make it harder to show up the way that we want to.
[SPEAKER_00]: With relationships, we mentioned the libido changes, the sleep deprivation, that irritability, and all of these ripple into our partnerships.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, Mr. Nostandings can happen if you don't name what's really going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: And friendships can shift, too, especially for energy is lower.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, just to, like, I think that in this season of life, we really recognize how valuable our time is.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so sometimes with that becomes a loss of certain friendships when we realize that like we don't have the energy for certain relationships anymore and that can be really tricky to navigate as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: So naming these intersections I think can really help reduce shame.
[SPEAKER_00]: Shame being that emotion that's like there's just something deeply wrong with me when we understand There's like language around there.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's research around this.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is an experience that you're not alone in That can help shame not fester and grow and It's it's not that you're suddenly just bad at parenting or moody
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, or just a bad partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's biology plus stress, plus the context of your situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can and deserve support in all these areas.
[SPEAKER_00]: So from a biology perspective, finding a provider who really has training when it comes to supporting parimenopause and menopause, I will share a link in the show notes from Dr. Mary Claire Haver, who has been just my favorite,
[SPEAKER_00]: about the new Metapause, where she on her website has a directory.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'll show that link in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because finding a provider who really understands this season of life who can inform you and give you information about treatment options such as hormone replacement therapy, which I haven't ventured into yet, but will absolutely consider that and explore that option, hopefully with the provider who really understands these treatment options and can explain the different options.
[SPEAKER_00]: and support me in navigating that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you, it deserves that too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then there's also support out there from the mental health stress context side of things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's where we come in as therapists and providers in this way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I am here to learn all the things.
[SPEAKER_00]: and get all the training because this is what's coming next for all of us if we all have if we live long enough for all going to navigate this and so I want us to feel better prepared.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so what am I doing to prepare right now?
[SPEAKER_00]: I learned the hard way that postpartum that going in unprepared leaves you a lot more vulnerable.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this time I'm layering in practices, now I'm protective factors now, while I just turned 40 and I am not chasing perfection here, but really working on building a foundation and just
[SPEAKER_00]: more rituals that come into my daily life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, first, strength training and functional movement.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I, for a long time, just did not make space for a lot of movement.
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew that I loved how made me feel, and I would take a dance class here and there, and I still love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: My inner child just is delighted when I do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was not doing a ton of strength training, and so that is something that has become a practice that I do maybe five days out of the week.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I commit to doing 15 minutes because I can find 15 minutes in most days.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I find for myself personally if it's something that's like 30, 45 minutes.
[SPEAKER_00]: something about that is harder and I then don't do it and then that becomes its own little cycle of just not doing it or like I'll just do part of it and then I don't feel like I completed the whole thing and it doesn't like it's on a satisfying and so I had to find workouts that were 15-ish minutes, maybe 20 minutes.
[SPEAKER_00]: That just were strength training base and also like balance base and functional movement and so this is not sponsored at all But I've been using Melissa Wood Health's app because she has these sort of shorter workouts and just every day She has like every day of the week.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's like a schedule of here is the workout for that day and
[SPEAKER_00]: If it happens to be a little bit longer one, like a lot of hers are 15-20 minutes, if it happens to be longer, then if I can't do that, I'll find one that does fit with the time frame that they have.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because muscle mass and bone density become really protective in pyramid-opause, menopause, and post-menopause.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so,
[SPEAKER_00]: doing some strength training.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did get a weighted vest.
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt like that was a big amazing signal to this new era of my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: So also doing just some walks with the weighted vest.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not super long walks because that's just not what I have time for but I'm doing it and it feels so good to work that into it and I know how protective it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: So a strength training
[SPEAKER_00]: uptick in my protein intake.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, it's like, I don't know if you have the same algorithm as I do, but I literally everything is about protein.
[SPEAKER_00]: And everything's like, cottage cheese and I'm like, no, I can't, I'm sorry if you're a cottage cheese lover.
[SPEAKER_00]: I
[SPEAKER_00]: cannot with cottage cheese.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I've had to find other ways to increase my protein intake.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do some smoothies with protein powder when I feel like I just can't get it in, you know, otherwise.
[SPEAKER_00]: But increasing protein as much as I can at every meal, support my muscle, my muscles,
[SPEAKER_00]: a creatine.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is to support muscle recovery and cognitive health.
[SPEAKER_00]: They found also in some of the research and so I'm taking creatine every day with water which is great because I don't drink enough water so it kind of pushes that habit too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love habit stacking more on that
[SPEAKER_00]: collagen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so for skin, hair, joints, but just plus supporting overall connective tissue health.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I don't know all of the science or the research.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be honest about how we take in the collagen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Should it be something we're putting on our face?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it something with like a red light therapy?
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, one of those like really LED masks, is it something that we should put in a, in a smoothie?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not exactly sure, but I know collagen's good, and I know collagen is being challenged during this season.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I am in the exploratory phase of exploring ways in which to support my skin, hair, and joints, and I know collagen is a piece of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So talking about habits stacking.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I do do an LED red light face mask every night, and I have one that goes like,
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it's doing anything really.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have not dived into that research, but I Like it not only because it feels like maybe it's doing something, but also because I use it to have it stack So when I have it on I can't really do much else for like three minutes on my face 10 minutes with the other one on my neck and chest
[SPEAKER_00]: And the kids don't really bug me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I have it on, I've noticed.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so while I do that, I will also do things like lay down and like lift my legs up on the wall.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can just like, you know, help a little bit of that circulation with my legs up or I'll do some breathing or that's when I'll listen to like a mindfulness thing or I'll just like let myself be.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know like what what a thought to like protect that margin and just let my brain be without in taking more information.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a habit that I'm already doing and then I'm pairing it with something else and I find that to be really supportive too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know you could definitely have it stack that mask, LAD mask with like you know lifting some weights too and stuff but
[SPEAKER_00]: I think just like resting with your legs up on the wall, like letting your mind wander, is also just as productive.
[SPEAKER_00]: Skincare, so we talked about the LED mask.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm also adjusting my routine to support my changing skin needs, focusing on things like hydration, elasticity, and then I think education is such a big one here.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm reading books, resources, like Dr. Mary Clearhavers, and you menopause that I mentioned.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll link it in the show notes, listening to experts,
[SPEAKER_00]: asking better questions at Dr. Visits doing research on finding providers that can really support, you know, this new era and season of my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting back in my own personal therapy, especially with navigating things like...
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, aging parents and health stuff and that sort of stress and raising a teenager and having a son that's starting to enter the tween puberty era while also having a young, younger child who still has all those needs.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need, I'm a human being and I need that help too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so reaching out, connecting with a therapist, I think is really protective as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: and community.
[SPEAKER_00]: So having conversations like this one, because shame grows in silence, but support can really grow in community.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I love talking to friends about this, asking my mom questions about this as well in terms of how these things look like for her, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's where I am now, preparing, resourcing, naming what's often left, unspoken.
[SPEAKER_00]: Parametipods is not a failure of our bodies.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just transition that we will all go through if we live long enough.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if postpartum taught me anything, it's that being informed and supported makes all the difference.
[SPEAKER_00]: And my hope is that this episode helps you feel less alone, more equipped, maybe, and more empowered to prepare in ways that fit your own life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be sharing more of this, these routines and strategies on my sub-stack if you want to have some in the come back to or you want to find any of these links.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want those written takeaways head there after this episode and I'll share a link in the show next for that as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: And thank you again as always for spending this time for me and carving out this margin with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really value being able to hold this space for you and for me and for us.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you enjoyed that episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you did, you might want to hit that subscribe button to be the first to know when future episodes air.
[SPEAKER_00]: And go and explore some of those past episodes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe there's a topic in there that is really been wanting to learn more about.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can learn more about my private practice as well as my parenting courses and workshops at the link in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: You help space for yourself today.
[SPEAKER_00]: You carve out the time and you tuned in to this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you take a moment to honor how meaningful that is.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, to me, for sure, but also for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for tuning in and I'll catch you next time.