WEBVTT 00:00.171 --> 00:11.760 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the courageous parenting podcast, talking about going against the grain as Christian parents and having a hard conversation with someone who maybe isn't alignment with the decisions that you're making as a parent. 00:11.860 --> 00:13.281 [SPEAKER_03]: How do you handle that conversation? 00:13.561 --> 00:14.962 [SPEAKER_00]: We have been there, have you? 00:14.982 --> 00:15.242 [SPEAKER_00]: That's right. 00:15.422 --> 00:16.263 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, many times. 00:16.483 --> 00:29.633 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we're gonna really get the practicals on how to make these hard decisions, give you the courage to do so biblical grounding and share with you all the hard decisions we've had to make that as we look back, we're so fruitful. 00:30.033 --> 00:38.602 [SPEAKER_03]: So join us at courageousparenting.com to listen to the podcast and get the show notes and all other aspects of the ministry are available at bcragist ministry.org. 00:38.762 --> 00:42.005 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, here we go, talking about the hard things, but good things. 00:42.346 --> 00:51.355 [SPEAKER_00]: This is such a vital conversation and these times that we're living in because even when we're in Christian circles, when you're really intentional with me, when you're here from the Lord, 00:51.855 --> 01:02.157 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you're going to be called to go in a different direction, a different decision that's really healthy for your family, that's different than maybe the circle of people you're around. 01:02.815 --> 01:11.942 [SPEAKER_03]: It's going to feel like your countercultural innocence, but a lot of you listening are probably thinking, this is why I like the courage of parenting podcasts. 01:12.082 --> 01:13.363 [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like I'm at home here. 01:13.423 --> 01:24.131 [SPEAKER_03]: And I would say we even started this podcast as a hope to build a community of other parents who oftentimes they do feel like they're running the race along. 01:24.371 --> 01:25.472 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't like that way, right? 01:25.592 --> 01:26.072 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we did. 01:26.132 --> 01:27.052 [SPEAKER_03]: We felt that way, right? 01:27.092 --> 01:37.138 [SPEAKER_03]: Where there were many different decisions, all kinds of different decisions in parenting as parents who make hundreds of decisions every week, regarding parenting, right? 01:37.598 --> 01:44.822 [SPEAKER_03]: And so when you're choosing to do things in a biblical way, sometimes you can feel like you're going against the stream, even within a Christian community, 01:45.462 --> 01:57.668 [SPEAKER_03]: and that can be lonely at times and you can get discouraged and you can even think, oh, maybe I'm wrong and maybe not even be faithful and consistent in it because you feel this pressure to conform to what everybody else is doing, right? 01:57.768 --> 02:07.693 [SPEAKER_03]: And so if you have ever experienced any of those kinds of feelings, which I think everybody has at one point or another, then today's episode is gonna be so encouraging to you guys. 02:08.394 --> 02:14.497 [SPEAKER_03]: We're gonna talk about how to stay firm and the things God's called you to, but we're also gonna talk about some hard conversations, right? 02:14.737 --> 02:24.001 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so our first point is we've got to stay on mission and sometimes that needs to be talked about more within the marriage is what is our mission. 02:24.021 --> 02:41.348 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, the most important thing we would all agree on is that our children love the Lord and they are excited about the great commission of sharing Jesus with others through their lives and to be able to be so strong in the relationship with God that they stand firm in the faith and they have an answer 02:41.852 --> 02:43.713 [SPEAKER_00]: when people ask them for what they believe in. 02:44.193 --> 02:46.313 [SPEAKER_00]: That is the goal, right? 02:46.333 --> 02:52.575 [SPEAKER_00]: And that they would raise their children up in the same way and it would be generations of faithfulness to the Lord. 02:53.135 --> 02:54.776 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the main goal. 02:54.796 --> 03:01.338 [SPEAKER_00]: There can be a lot of goals and sometimes our actions are different than that main goal we all agree upon. 03:02.798 --> 03:15.121 [SPEAKER_00]: what we have learned is very so many places in our path and where we've had to go against the grain to keep that main goal alive and on course. 03:15.881 --> 03:22.843 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I mean, we've even talked about like more on mission as a family, like envision yourself potentially going on a mission strip. 03:23.383 --> 03:37.421 [SPEAKER_03]: like for us planting a church has felt like we're on a mission strip as a family and we have this like initiative that we're working towards right and moving here and yeah exactly and so it's like as a family though you don't necessarily need to be planting a church like we did 03:38.382 --> 03:39.923 [SPEAKER_03]: but you do have a mission. 03:39.983 --> 03:48.946 [SPEAKER_03]: Like God has a mission for your family, especially when, obviously, if you have kids, he has a mission for you as parents in discipling your children up. 03:49.006 --> 03:50.346 [SPEAKER_03]: That is part of the great mission. 03:50.826 --> 04:01.430 [SPEAKER_03]: But then realizing like one of the most powerful things that you can, your kids can ever experience is actually experiencing God, seeing him answering their prayers, seeing him 04:02.371 --> 04:06.634 [SPEAKER_03]: being glorified, seeing people's lives changed, right, because of the gospel. 04:07.134 --> 04:21.702 [SPEAKER_03]: And so when you have this like for us, a goal is like that our kids would know the Lord, our mission is to disciple them towards that, but the Holy Spirit is the one who does the saving, the Holy Spirit, God Himself does the saving, right? 04:21.762 --> 04:24.923 [SPEAKER_03]: So that's not something that we can do, but we can influence them. 04:24.964 --> 04:26.504 [SPEAKER_03]: We can introduce them to the Lord. 04:26.544 --> 04:27.465 [SPEAKER_03]: We can help them to 04:28.025 --> 04:33.447 [SPEAKER_03]: see the things that a lot of times other people don't get to see so that they understand more if who God is. 04:33.467 --> 04:48.111 [SPEAKER_03]: And the beautiful thing about mission is that when you are realizing what God has called you to and what He's called you from, that brings a lot of clarity in parenting, like a lot of clarity. 04:48.491 --> 04:55.653 [SPEAKER_03]: Because when you recognize, oh, I'm not to do this or this, but God calls me higher to do this, this and this, 04:56.913 --> 05:02.796 [SPEAKER_03]: It helps us in all of the hundreds of little decision making that happens in the process, right? 05:03.136 --> 05:10.360 [SPEAKER_03]: So while the Bible doesn't necessarily say what educational choice you should choose, it does call parents teachers. 05:10.840 --> 05:15.002 [SPEAKER_03]: It does tell them that they are to teach God's commands to their children and their grandchildren. 05:15.402 --> 05:16.844 [SPEAKER_03]: from one generation to the next. 05:17.204 --> 05:18.085 [SPEAKER_03]: That's a command. 05:18.245 --> 05:19.366 [SPEAKER_03]: The God gives us, right? 05:19.406 --> 05:33.920 [SPEAKER_03]: And so when you are seeking God's will and seeking the mission that He has for you, the more that you read, the more you realize both the things that we're supposed to refrain from and the things that we're supposed to pursue. 05:34.521 --> 05:37.904 [SPEAKER_03]: And that sometimes, even in the Christian community, it's like 05:38.765 --> 05:45.693 [SPEAKER_03]: There's just a way that the culture goes and has done things for many years and sometimes there's just like no pushback on that. 05:46.453 --> 05:48.154 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's important on that real quick. 05:48.214 --> 05:52.157 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to say that pushback comes when you have clear thinking. 05:52.237 --> 05:59.581 [SPEAKER_00]: When you're in the word, you're asking the Lord for wisdom and you're willing to look at things not with a critical eye. 05:59.781 --> 06:01.082 [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't advise that at all. 06:01.602 --> 06:04.624 [SPEAKER_00]: But instead, an eye towards what is the fruit? 06:05.045 --> 06:11.789 [SPEAKER_00]: So assessing what the fruit actually is from that activity, even if it's an activity you enjoyed in your Christian community as a child. 06:12.309 --> 06:13.790 [SPEAKER_00]: So what is the actual fruit? 06:13.810 --> 06:15.511 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, what is the fruit end up like? 06:15.571 --> 06:15.931 [SPEAKER_00]: Or what? 06:16.211 --> 06:36.722 [SPEAKER_00]: What is down the road from these influences or these decisions or these actions and to really think about that and talk to your spouse about that because what I've experienced as I've done that over the years and Angie's done that over the years is we have come to the conclusion of choosing some different things and we've seen the fruit from being different and 06:37.202 --> 06:41.923 [SPEAKER_00]: We're just always encouraging people to go after the best fruit possible, especially when the odds are against. 06:41.943 --> 06:46.625 [SPEAKER_00]: He was seventy five percent of the kids raising Christian homes, leaving the church. 06:46.705 --> 06:48.525 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's leaving the church by age eighteen. 06:48.886 --> 06:49.926 [SPEAKER_00]: Probably means same thing. 06:50.946 --> 06:52.026 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's a great verse. 06:52.086 --> 06:53.607 [SPEAKER_00]: Second Timothy, two twenty one, it says. 06:53.967 --> 06:58.710 [SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use. 06:59.050 --> 07:04.174 [SPEAKER_00]: Set a part as wholly useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. 07:04.534 --> 07:07.356 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you chose this scripture, Angie, so I'll let you chat about it. 07:07.376 --> 07:12.359 [SPEAKER_03]: I did, and I think that in a world filled with noise and confusion, just shielding our kids isn't enough. 07:12.760 --> 07:15.742 [SPEAKER_03]: We have to fill their hearts and minds with truth and conviction. 07:16.262 --> 07:18.083 [SPEAKER_03]: That's why we love Brave Books. 07:18.403 --> 07:25.627 [SPEAKER_03]: They're a Christian children book company, creating powerful tools to help families life hours stand firm in a culture that's drifting fast. 07:26.167 --> 07:37.193 [SPEAKER_03]: Whether it's their monthly story books subscription, packed with faith-filled adventures that tackle important topics, or their new streaming platform, Brave Plus filled with wholesome character shaping shows. 07:37.634 --> 07:40.035 [SPEAKER_03]: Everything they create is rooted in a biblical worldview. 07:40.495 --> 07:54.619 [SPEAKER_03]: We've had the privilege of interviewing the founder and CEO of Brave Books at their headquarters in Texas and several of their authors like Kurt Cameron, Kevin Sorbo, Missy Robinson, and the fun couple that we got to interview, which was Jeff Robinson in his wife. 07:55.299 --> 07:57.499 [SPEAKER_03]: Let me tell you, these guys are the real deal. 07:57.739 --> 07:59.580 [SPEAKER_03]: We love that they what they are doing. 07:59.960 --> 08:10.465 [SPEAKER_03]: So if you're looking for a trusted way to disciple your kids through story time, visit bravebooks.com for slash courageous and use the code courageous for twenty percent off your first purchase. 08:10.845 --> 08:14.286 [SPEAKER_03]: Because what your kids watch and read shapes who they become. 08:14.567 --> 08:23.991 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, part of it, this isn't actually a scripture that I remember bringing into other podcast episodes, but as we were talking about remembering your mission and what you're called to and what you're not called to. 08:24.531 --> 08:29.032 [SPEAKER_03]: Like there's specific things that God says not to be and not to do. 08:29.132 --> 08:31.213 [SPEAKER_03]: One of those is to not gratify. 08:31.233 --> 08:42.096 [SPEAKER_03]: I think it said gratify the desires of the flesh or maybe that's in a different one, but it says, oh, he will be a vessel for honorable use and to not that you are to cleanse yourself from what is dishonorable, right? 08:42.116 --> 08:45.276 [SPEAKER_03]: Like that's an actual thing you have to do so that you can be useful for God. 08:45.756 --> 08:47.217 [SPEAKER_03]: So like as a family, 08:47.877 --> 08:50.078 [SPEAKER_03]: If you remember your mission, you realize, oh, yes, okay. 08:50.098 --> 08:57.622 [SPEAKER_03]: So there's some really like powerful verses that everybody knows, like Joshua, twenty four says, as for me, my house, we will serve the Lord. 08:57.782 --> 09:02.504 [SPEAKER_03]: You may grab that as your mission and be like, yeah, my house, my family, we're gonna serve God, right? 09:02.824 --> 09:14.409 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, this verse that we just read in second Timothy, two, twenty one is saying like, if you're gonna be useful for the work that God has for you, then you have to choose to not do dishonorable things. 09:14.570 --> 09:15.250 [SPEAKER_03]: And you need to be 09:16.070 --> 09:19.972 [SPEAKER_03]: like as he is holy and set apart and choose not to gratify the flesh. 09:20.612 --> 09:24.114 [SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, okay, so there's some clarity of what we're not to do, right? 09:24.154 --> 09:30.917 [SPEAKER_03]: And so when you're choosing the different decisions that you're making, like I even think about education choices for kids, okay? 09:31.237 --> 09:34.619 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm just gonna use that because schools about to start again. 09:34.639 --> 09:43.083 [SPEAKER_03]: And I want parents to really see like the Bible when it comes alive to you, you start to see how it really relates 09:43.803 --> 09:46.225 [SPEAKER_03]: And applies to every aspect of our life. 09:46.925 --> 09:54.291 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that there's something really awesome about recognizing, okay, so what I choose with my kids is going to so. 09:54.311 --> 10:00.916 [SPEAKER_03]: And then I will replay later because that's a spiritual law that's in the Bible that knowing can escape. 10:01.676 --> 10:06.898 [SPEAKER_03]: And the decision that I make regarding their education is going to influence my child. 10:07.418 --> 10:14.181 [SPEAKER_03]: Is it going to influence them in dishonorable beliefs or in holy beliefs that do a line with scripture? 10:14.461 --> 10:18.662 [SPEAKER_03]: That would just be like a very obvious like thing to evaluate, right? 10:19.223 --> 10:25.265 [SPEAKER_03]: And so when you understand your mission and that God is called the Christian family to be set apart for his good works, 10:26.344 --> 10:37.095 [SPEAKER_03]: And to choose not to, you know, sit in the seat of scoffers or walk in the way of the sinful and to choose those things to choose not to. 10:38.076 --> 10:40.118 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like it makes a big difference. 10:40.358 --> 10:45.884 [SPEAKER_03]: It's sometimes it's even more helpful to know what not to do when you're in the midst of trying to figure out what to do, right? 10:46.316 --> 10:57.509 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think remembering your mission, looking for the fruit, and then not just going along because that's what everybody's doing, but to stop and pray and ask questions and look at the fruit. 10:57.649 --> 11:00.132 [SPEAKER_00]: What is the fruit of the families that are participating in that? 11:00.753 --> 11:03.897 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that where my children are going to thrive? 11:03.957 --> 11:06.740 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that what we're going to thrive as a family in doing? 11:07.160 --> 11:13.544 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that thing saying yes to gonna cause some other negative ripple effect in our family like we're not gonna be on for dinners very often? 11:14.344 --> 11:22.089 [SPEAKER_00]: If we do this thing or everybody's getting dragged towards one thing for one child and that could create some sibling conflict in the future. 11:22.449 --> 11:28.132 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to be thoughtful about the decisions for making a little bit strategic thinking ahead thinking about the future 11:28.612 --> 11:30.873 [SPEAKER_00]: to make decisions that are going to be wise. 11:31.293 --> 11:38.615 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, for example, if you say yes to one kid about something, you can always learn your lesson on why that was a wrong thing for that child. 11:39.095 --> 11:45.877 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's going to mean much harder to shift gears, although you still should, when you've said yes to somebody in the past. 11:45.897 --> 11:50.439 [SPEAKER_00]: So just kind of really going, okay, let's look at this from a clean slate. 11:50.499 --> 11:53.940 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's look at the Bible says, let's look at the right fruit and make sure it's on mission. 11:55.376 --> 12:01.380 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, Galatians five, sixteen says, but I say walk by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 12:02.001 --> 12:05.183 [SPEAKER_03]: And then it just continues listing the rest of that passage. 12:05.243 --> 12:13.289 [SPEAKER_03]: It talks about the fruit of the spirit and it talks about the different fleshly things that we see when we are walking in the flesh. 12:13.529 --> 12:14.390 [SPEAKER_03]: And again, 12:14.910 --> 12:15.932 [SPEAKER_03]: I just can't reiterate. 12:15.952 --> 12:26.404 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, there were times when I was making a decision in my parenting where if I was in conflict, not conflict, but if I was in conversation with someone who was like, well, why are you not doing that? 12:27.255 --> 12:28.936 [SPEAKER_03]: or why are you doing that? 12:29.677 --> 12:34.761 [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of times I would point to all the reasons why I was choosing not to do the thing. 12:35.522 --> 12:47.212 [SPEAKER_03]: Or you said I'm saying it was like more just being aware of what the cons are and how those are we are called as Christians just scripturally not be proactively walking in those things. 12:47.812 --> 12:51.296 [SPEAKER_03]: And a lot of times it was literally that was the big morning. 12:51.676 --> 12:56.201 [SPEAKER_03]: Like that was the discernment because sometimes there can be good fruit in many different things. 12:56.681 --> 13:02.707 [SPEAKER_03]: But to be able to see the bad fruit and go, I'm not going to do that because X, Y and Z. 13:03.772 --> 13:08.797 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll give you an example because we've just been talking about this concept, but let me give you an example. 13:08.857 --> 13:15.042 [SPEAKER_00]: For example, we have come to the conclusion that it's really fruitful for our family to sit and church together. 13:15.843 --> 13:23.410 [SPEAKER_00]: And we decided that a long time ago, while he's been twenty years or maybe eighteen years, something like that, about eighteen years that we've done that. 13:25.112 --> 13:36.537 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the ripple effects of that is, now that they don't have a youth pastor, I realized how much more important it was for me to teach them the Bible. 13:37.537 --> 13:45.500 [SPEAKER_00]: And probably, if I had just bought into that whole path, I wouldn't have grown and taught them the Bible. 13:45.620 --> 13:49.742 [SPEAKER_00]: And likely, I wouldn't have felt the confidence to plant a church and do sermons on Sundays. 13:50.763 --> 13:54.244 [SPEAKER_03]: So one decision has led to another that leads to another and another. 13:54.724 --> 14:09.108 [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, which might not be all the same for every family, but it's just important to consider and to think about we can look backwards now, making hard decisions that many years ago and see the fruit and the positive ripple effects and how the causation of that. 14:09.788 --> 14:25.353 [SPEAKER_00]: And so doing hard things going against the grain, that's just one example of that and our children have absolutely benefited from sitting in the sermons with their parents and it's our family closer, worshiping the Lord together every Sunday. 14:26.054 --> 14:30.055 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's rippled into worshiping the Lord together during the week at times and things like that. 14:30.473 --> 14:30.653 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 14:31.294 --> 14:45.076 [SPEAKER_03]: I think one other thing that is an important question to remember if you are one of those people that feel like you're swimming upstream it's it's this it's who do you actually answer to and being able to realize like 14:45.837 --> 14:56.385 [SPEAKER_03]: You aren't called to give an answer to your neighbor next door, or to the person at church that is coming up against you saying, well, I don't think that's a good idea, or why would you do that? 14:56.525 --> 14:57.726 [SPEAKER_03]: Because they're not, right? 14:58.507 --> 15:00.769 [SPEAKER_03]: Or even a mother-in-law, or a mother, right? 15:01.369 --> 15:12.498 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that when it comes to those things, it's like for me, if someone that I trusted, who was also biblically minded, and I trusted them, they were a wise counsel, 15:13.018 --> 15:16.561 [SPEAKER_03]: And they had opposition for what I was choosing to do or not do. 15:16.841 --> 15:17.622 [SPEAKER_03]: I would listen to that. 15:18.023 --> 15:20.725 [SPEAKER_03]: I would go, okay, well, God put them in my life. 15:21.045 --> 15:22.126 [SPEAKER_03]: I see fruit in their life. 15:22.306 --> 15:24.368 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to maybe reflect on it, right? 15:25.469 --> 15:34.117 [SPEAKER_03]: But I'm talking about like conversations where it's like naysayers when you are really confident in the decision that you have chosen for your family or for your kids. 15:34.737 --> 15:39.419 [SPEAKER_03]: to where you're like, hmm, no, I don't need to answer to you, right? 15:39.899 --> 15:42.940 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that it's important that you kind of get some rhino skin. 15:43.720 --> 15:44.721 [SPEAKER_03]: And that's been a hard thing. 15:44.761 --> 15:46.782 [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like that's something that I'm still growing in. 15:47.802 --> 15:57.786 [SPEAKER_03]: Even though we've been parenting for twenty-five years, there's been a lot of things that were just not the same as other families that we were even going church with at times. 15:57.806 --> 15:58.866 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that comes in. 15:58.926 --> 16:01.027 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like in the moment we want to 16:01.867 --> 16:17.740 [SPEAKER_00]: not have a hurt relationship with somebody or a group of people we want we don't want to make other people feel condemned because we're making a different decision than the most and so there's all of these thoughts or what are they going to think when I do this I hope they don't think I think they're wrong 16:18.381 --> 16:35.322 [SPEAKER_00]: Right and that it hurts the relationship or I don't have this hard conversation with somebody and that's the rub and I think that what you have to have a sperm constitution about a couple things one of them is I will never sacrifice what's best for my kids for the sake of 16:35.802 --> 16:58.716 [SPEAKER_00]: other relationships but it's not black and white like that meaning we should be able to have both right we should be able to go a different direction and keep our relationships if they were real relationships any relationship that's real unless you heard it is going to stay with you if you communicate about things in a loving kind way of why you're making a different decision 16:59.176 --> 17:05.244 [SPEAKER_03]: Hold on Isaac, so I'm just gonna speak as a mom who's been in relationships with a lot of moms over the years. 17:06.240 --> 17:12.621 [SPEAKER_03]: The reality is though, is that if you make really big decisions that are very different, then a good friend. 17:13.642 --> 17:20.003 [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes that friendship, even if it's so called founded on Christ doesn't stay strong and it doesn't. 17:20.063 --> 17:21.784 [SPEAKER_03]: There is a lot of complaints. 17:21.964 --> 17:22.584 [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen that. 17:22.604 --> 17:23.404 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me give you an excuse. 17:23.424 --> 17:24.284 [SPEAKER_00]: But what is that happen? 17:24.324 --> 17:28.665 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, let me give you an example, because I've struggled a lot over my life of being a people pleaser. 17:28.785 --> 17:29.745 [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe you have to. 17:29.966 --> 17:35.087 [SPEAKER_03]: That's probably one of my character qualities that has been the hardest for you. 17:36.407 --> 17:38.869 [SPEAKER_03]: Because he Isaac's not really a people pleaser. 17:38.929 --> 17:40.731 [SPEAKER_03]: He's more like, no, what do you care? 17:40.751 --> 17:42.372 [SPEAKER_03]: This is what we're doing. 17:42.752 --> 17:43.593 [SPEAKER_00]: Not true. 17:43.613 --> 17:44.794 [SPEAKER_00]: I love people. 17:45.194 --> 17:48.157 [SPEAKER_00]: That makes a sound like I don't consider people. 17:48.277 --> 17:50.619 [SPEAKER_00]: I do care about what people 17:51.399 --> 17:57.327 [SPEAKER_00]: think in terms of I want to do it in a way that they still think well of our family and me. 17:57.447 --> 17:57.727 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 17:57.747 --> 17:59.490 [SPEAKER_00]: Things like that and do things in a loving way. 17:59.610 --> 18:04.796 [SPEAKER_00]: No, that's not going to do something that I think is right because of someone else's opinion. 18:05.017 --> 18:05.197 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 18:05.838 --> 18:09.603 [SPEAKER_03]: So I would say that women are a little more emotional. 18:10.303 --> 18:14.267 [SPEAKER_03]: And they probably take parenting decisions more personally. 18:15.128 --> 18:21.014 [SPEAKER_03]: Kind of like I know that women take their reflections or comments about their home making. 18:21.095 --> 18:23.697 [SPEAKER_03]: They take it more personally because it's their jurisdiction. 18:24.218 --> 18:24.758 [SPEAKER_03]: I know I do. 18:25.319 --> 18:29.103 [SPEAKER_03]: And so when someone insults that, you can take it really. 18:29.823 --> 18:30.764 [SPEAKER_03]: personally, right? 18:31.125 --> 18:39.452 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that more than anything though, the touchiest subject out of the entire book of parenting would just, well, out of just life is parenting. 18:40.073 --> 18:41.995 [SPEAKER_03]: Anything that you think is not good for you. 18:42.015 --> 18:44.777 [SPEAKER_03]: I'll give you guys a really practical example. 18:44.898 --> 18:47.200 [SPEAKER_03]: So let's talk about video games for a second. 18:47.932 --> 18:53.393 [SPEAKER_03]: So years went by and we never had any video games of any kind. 18:54.073 --> 19:00.535 [SPEAKER_03]: And then we decided during living in snow months, we were gonna do like the Wii during certain seasons. 19:00.555 --> 19:03.896 [SPEAKER_03]: And we would pull it out, we had like exercise, physical ones. 19:04.396 --> 19:08.817 [SPEAKER_03]: Remember back then when we was just skiing in the tennis and the golf and anyway, it was really fun. 19:09.717 --> 19:15.139 [SPEAKER_03]: And there was a dancing one that we did and we would spend so as a family, we laughed at each other. 19:15.219 --> 19:17.880 [SPEAKER_03]: We had so much fun and it was cool. 19:18.020 --> 19:19.421 [SPEAKER_03]: It wasn't like normal video games. 19:20.261 --> 19:22.862 [SPEAKER_03]: But then that broke and we didn't have that anymore. 19:23.142 --> 19:26.804 [SPEAKER_03]: And then we moved and we were looking for friends that were like minded. 19:26.904 --> 19:29.345 [SPEAKER_03]: Our kids were starving for community. 19:30.045 --> 19:37.188 [SPEAKER_03]: And we thought we had found a family that we thought was like minded and their kids. 19:37.988 --> 20:04.409 [SPEAKER_03]: Specifically their boys we had a lot of boys and they love video games like a lot and so it became the thing that they wanted to invite our kids to do often was video games and I really had a problem with that I had such a problem with it because I wasn't I didn't allow my kids to play video games we didn't have like separate cell phones with video games or anything like that but let me tell you something parents once you open the door 20:04.989 --> 20:08.730 [SPEAKER_03]: It is super hard to close the door on something like that. 20:09.970 --> 20:16.832 [SPEAKER_03]: And so what happened was because we didn't have like a ton of like-minded friends in that area. 20:16.852 --> 20:32.617 [SPEAKER_03]: The boys we let them play video games with them, but there was- I don't think our kids ever got addicted to it, but it became this rub that I was internally frustrated that that was the only thing that the other family wanted to do on a regular basis. 20:33.157 --> 20:38.158 [SPEAKER_03]: And so we would invite them to do other things, but then it was like higher maintenance for me. 20:39.338 --> 20:40.859 [SPEAKER_03]: And it just was hard. 20:40.999 --> 20:43.379 [SPEAKER_03]: It became a rub in our relationship. 20:44.039 --> 20:49.481 [SPEAKER_03]: And what was hard about it is that I really had a lot of respect for their mom. 20:50.021 --> 20:55.362 [SPEAKER_03]: And I was scared to say something to her because I looked up to her. 20:56.382 --> 21:05.385 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that this story is probably relating to a lot of people, maybe you have someone in your life that you look up to, but you're like, I don't like that thing that their kids do. 21:06.085 --> 21:13.087 [SPEAKER_03]: And you, it's affecting your family, it's affecting your kids, and you feel like you need to just say, no, to whatever it is. 21:13.987 --> 21:22.330 [SPEAKER_03]: I just want to encourage you to do what you feel the Holy Spirit is causing your gut to have that like, oh no, I need to stop this. 21:22.470 --> 21:23.450 [SPEAKER_03]: My kids can't do this. 21:23.490 --> 21:30.712 [SPEAKER_03]: This is affecting their character or this is affecting our family culture or I don't want to be whatever kind of family for me. 21:30.792 --> 21:32.453 [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't want us to be a video gaming family. 21:32.834 --> 21:40.039 [SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe just the TV's on at someone else's house when you go over and maybe commercials or something. 21:40.379 --> 21:42.020 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm just using this as an example. 21:42.500 --> 21:44.561 [SPEAKER_03]: And I hope that this is helpful to you guys. 21:44.661 --> 21:48.044 [SPEAKER_03]: One of the things that I learned though is that when you don't speak up, 21:48.784 --> 21:51.765 [SPEAKER_03]: and you don't say something, you will have regret later. 21:52.405 --> 22:02.589 [SPEAKER_03]: And so that's actually one of our next points is that when you're in the midst of like seeking God's will and not your own, it can't be about you. 22:02.929 --> 22:05.590 [SPEAKER_03]: It actually has to be about, yes, you remember your mission? 22:05.630 --> 22:06.651 [SPEAKER_03]: That was number one. 22:06.851 --> 22:11.613 [SPEAKER_03]: Number, the number two is like, okay, keep seeking God's will for your kids' lives. 22:11.753 --> 22:17.675 [SPEAKER_03]: Not your will, not your, not the mom of the kids' friends will for your kids' life. 22:18.315 --> 22:20.656 [SPEAKER_03]: Because to her, she might think that, oh, it's great. 22:20.716 --> 22:22.456 [SPEAKER_03]: It keeps my kids preoccupied. 22:22.837 --> 22:24.457 [SPEAKER_03]: They're doing that thing with kids. 22:24.517 --> 22:25.057 [SPEAKER_03]: I trust. 22:25.718 --> 22:30.399 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, you don't just say yes to it because it makes her life easier. 22:30.419 --> 22:32.480 [SPEAKER_03]: Or you don't want conflict with your friend. 22:32.920 --> 22:36.882 [SPEAKER_03]: Instead, if you really feel like this is there's bigger issue to this. 22:38.202 --> 22:40.503 [SPEAKER_03]: like how it's affecting the brain, which was my whole thing. 22:42.063 --> 22:53.166 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that as parents, we just have to be willing to say, yeah, we're not gonna let our kids play video games anymore, or can we find something else to do and offer other solutions? 22:53.506 --> 22:57.347 [SPEAKER_03]: And if the kids say no, because they really want to play video games, and that's on them. 22:57.367 --> 23:07.789 [SPEAKER_00]: And it prevents a bit of root from developing, too, and you, or others, because if you're allowing something, because you scared to talk to them, and then you're getting more aggravated about it, 23:08.289 --> 23:09.870 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, whose fault is that? 23:10.310 --> 23:14.833 [SPEAKER_00]: It's your fault, too, actually, because you're not talking about it. 23:14.933 --> 23:27.361 [SPEAKER_00]: And you want to always, I think one of the great ways Jesus taught us this, the one of the greatest ways to have conflict, when the Pharisees are constantly coming at him and accusing him of things, he would ask them a question. 23:28.221 --> 23:35.629 [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of times we want, we feel like we need to go talk to somebody about something, but maybe we could just ask a question instead. 23:35.689 --> 23:41.776 [SPEAKER_00]: Like a question is, hey, I noticed our kids are playing a lot of video games together. 23:41.796 --> 23:44.599 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just curious how you feel about that. 23:45.857 --> 23:50.361 [SPEAKER_00]: And then starting on their ground in a loving way, could change everything. 23:51.161 --> 23:54.284 [SPEAKER_03]: And versus just assuming that they're okay with it. 23:54.984 --> 24:04.512 [SPEAKER_03]: And you're totally right about the bitter root stuff because if you don't say anything, you're going to go on and then you're going to potentially blame them for whatever bad fruit you see in your kids too. 24:04.552 --> 24:07.174 [SPEAKER_03]: And that's really what the ultimate bitter root would do, right? 24:07.194 --> 24:07.835 [SPEAKER_03]: Because humans 24:08.395 --> 24:18.947 [SPEAKER_03]: always want to blame shift and not take responsibility, but I think what's important in this whole story is that you realize that as the mom or the dad, you're still responsible for your child. 24:19.428 --> 24:25.114 [SPEAKER_03]: So if you chose to just go along to get along, which is what I did for a while in that specific circumstance. 24:25.795 --> 24:30.978 [SPEAKER_03]: You're going to reap whatever you're going to reap from that choice regardless. 24:31.378 --> 24:39.703 [SPEAKER_03]: And so you don't want to have a better route towards your friend because you never said anything and then also struggle with blame shifting. 24:39.803 --> 24:41.084 [SPEAKER_03]: You have to take ownership. 24:41.104 --> 24:43.406 [SPEAKER_03]: And once parents realize that it actually it is on them. 24:44.166 --> 24:46.809 [SPEAKER_03]: They have the ownership to make the decisions, they're the parent. 24:47.310 --> 24:50.434 [SPEAKER_03]: Then it's easier to go, you know what, I really don't like this. 24:50.614 --> 24:53.838 [SPEAKER_03]: And to stick to your conviction and not make it a personal thing. 24:53.858 --> 24:55.520 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a good anyway. 24:55.820 --> 24:56.140 [SPEAKER_00]: It's good. 24:56.641 --> 25:02.548 [SPEAKER_00]: So seek, seek God's will and he will give you convictions and then Angie's saying listen to those convictions. 25:02.748 --> 25:02.968 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 25:03.508 --> 25:08.331 [SPEAKER_03]: Romans twelve two says, do not be conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. 25:09.632 --> 25:15.215 [SPEAKER_03]: That by testing, you may discern what is the will of God and what is good and acceptable and perfect. 25:15.255 --> 25:17.536 [SPEAKER_03]: And I, you know, I think that we all want to be in God's will. 25:17.576 --> 25:19.337 [SPEAKER_03]: We all want God's will for our kids. 25:19.437 --> 25:23.800 [SPEAKER_03]: We pray that on a regular basis Lord, you're will not mind be done in my child's life. 25:24.872 --> 25:35.939 [SPEAKER_03]: But at the end of the day, we do have a responsibility to part of this, which is to not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewal of our mind, which happens by reading the Bible. 25:36.639 --> 25:46.545 [SPEAKER_03]: And so the more we're in the word, the more we are gonna oppose the bad things that we spiritually are able to discern that are happening in the world. 25:47.486 --> 25:49.247 [SPEAKER_03]: And the same as true for our kids, right? 25:49.267 --> 25:52.849 [SPEAKER_03]: And I just think about how often parents will take on such a weight, 25:53.489 --> 25:59.455 [SPEAKER_03]: on themselves to be the one that's constantly making the decisions and protecting their kids and when they're little, that is true. 26:00.176 --> 26:11.367 [SPEAKER_03]: But pretty quickly, like age seven, you start equipping your kids to start being able to discern also, but they aren't going to be able to discern if they are also not in the words. 26:11.467 --> 26:12.328 [SPEAKER_03]: So as parents, 26:12.728 --> 26:14.369 [SPEAKER_03]: We want to teach our kids the Bible. 26:14.469 --> 26:22.451 [SPEAKER_03]: We want them to be in the Word so that they also start to have a heart for God and understand, oh, I don't want to be of the world. 26:22.511 --> 26:28.593 [SPEAKER_03]: That way, it's easier when you're in a situation like here, we'll just talk about going to see a movie, right? 26:29.373 --> 26:33.855 [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes kids will want to see a movie that is popular that their friends have seen. 26:34.635 --> 26:38.478 [SPEAKER_03]: And maybe you as a parent take it upon yourself to do due diligence. 26:38.518 --> 26:42.682 [SPEAKER_03]: You look at the reviews and you go, no, our family is not going to be watching this movie. 26:43.002 --> 26:44.584 [SPEAKER_03]: It's actually recently happened to us. 26:45.524 --> 26:52.830 [SPEAKER_03]: And you know, it would be easy to just take that on and say, oh, no, we're not going to see this and you train your kids, right? 26:53.731 --> 27:17.978 [SPEAKER_03]: but I have a nine year old also and so having conversations with the older kids and saying why do you think it would be a bad idea to watch this show and to have them verbally discern it is what you that is actually the most powerful because then you're not necessarily the bad guy either right like we're reading the word of God to our kids on a regular basis and then we start pointing something out 27:18.598 --> 27:31.464 [SPEAKER_03]: and we ask them to step up and do this exercise of discerning, what is holy, what is unholy, what is worldly, what is wordy, what is of the word, what is of the spirit and what is of the flesh and of the world. 27:32.005 --> 27:34.926 [SPEAKER_03]: And that's when you're able to discern what God's will is. 27:35.346 --> 27:42.770 [SPEAKER_03]: So it becomes really clear right away to kids who know the difference between right and wrong and they go, oh no, we can't watch that and then they don't even come ask you. 27:43.550 --> 27:48.773 [SPEAKER_03]: And so like the other day, we were gonna go do something fun as a family and when the kid said, oh, no. 27:49.654 --> 27:50.674 [SPEAKER_03]: And it was one of our little. 27:50.754 --> 27:53.456 [SPEAKER_03]: It was a six year old, actually, that was like, no, no. 27:54.076 --> 27:55.958 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that the reviews talked about that a bit. 27:56.098 --> 27:57.278 [SPEAKER_03]: Nope, we can't watch that. 27:57.418 --> 27:58.799 [SPEAKER_03]: And it was just like awesome. 27:58.979 --> 28:01.361 [SPEAKER_03]: Age six, they're already discerning those things. 28:01.481 --> 28:08.065 [SPEAKER_03]: And so, but it really, it comes from having our minds renewed in the word and knowing the difference between the world. 28:08.625 --> 28:12.589 [SPEAKER_03]: Looking for a math curriculum that actually works, meet CTC math. 28:12.689 --> 28:16.893 [SPEAKER_03]: It's a full K through twelve curriculum that's 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28:51.704 --> 28:53.025 [SPEAKER_03]: but I wanted to share an update. 28:53.365 --> 28:56.947 [SPEAKER_03]: They've recently launched Redeem Health Share, which we've now joined. 28:57.348 --> 29:03.992 [SPEAKER_03]: We've also chosen to have Flexhare, which is an exclusive add-on feature where you can share for things like vision, dental, and preventative care. 29:04.392 --> 29:13.398 [SPEAKER_03]: Redeem is a Samaritan Ministry program and has more program options to fit your budget and health care needs, all in a modern digital platform. 29:13.838 --> 29:18.879 [SPEAKER_03]: Most importantly, redeem upholds the same commitment that Samaritan Ministries has held for more than thirty years. 29:19.299 --> 29:22.320 [SPEAKER_03]: Christians praying for one another and sharing medical needs together. 29:22.760 --> 29:25.061 [SPEAKER_03]: Learn more at redeemhouseshare.org. 29:26.121 --> 29:27.822 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's important to just do it. 29:27.982 --> 29:31.482 [SPEAKER_00]: Like when you feel a conviction from the Lord, it's important to take action. 29:31.903 --> 29:37.044 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to be thoughtful, get in prayer, get alone with the Lord, listen to his wisdom, talk with your spouse, 29:37.504 --> 29:44.351 [SPEAKER_00]: But especially if it's a big thing, but we need to walk in really strong wisdom as we move forward. 29:44.371 --> 29:54.161 [SPEAKER_00]: Colossians two eight says, see two of the no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty to see according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world and not according to the Christ. 29:54.441 --> 29:55.462 [SPEAKER_00]: How many to Christ? 29:55.682 --> 30:00.227 [SPEAKER_00]: How many things are done in human tradition today in the Christian 30:01.067 --> 30:01.647 [SPEAKER_01]: It's fear. 30:02.348 --> 30:14.053 [SPEAKER_00]: Human tradition, meaning that they weren't, they weren't always, maybe it wasn't part of the church in the beginning, maybe it wasn't what was done just thirty years ago, forty years ago. 30:15.434 --> 30:23.398 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, what has become human tradition that we're latching onto that really isn't as fruitful as the old. 30:24.018 --> 30:25.619 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not going to answer those for you. 30:25.679 --> 30:27.039 [SPEAKER_00]: These are questions I ask myself. 30:27.320 --> 30:28.640 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, what is true? 30:28.740 --> 30:29.420 [SPEAKER_00]: What is honorable? 30:29.460 --> 30:30.101 [SPEAKER_00]: What is best? 30:30.341 --> 30:31.241 [SPEAKER_00]: Philippians for eight. 30:31.281 --> 30:32.502 [SPEAKER_00]: You can look through that, right? 30:32.562 --> 30:33.422 [SPEAKER_00]: Meditate on these things. 30:34.043 --> 30:38.404 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, but, but it's like, what is the very best thing for my family? 30:38.565 --> 30:44.447 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're willing to ask that, you're going to actually move in directions that look different even in Christian circles. 30:44.867 --> 30:47.889 [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to start making decisions and you're going to make them with conviction. 30:48.669 --> 31:08.677 [SPEAKER_00]: deep conviction because you're like no this way look around you right now how many families in your proximity not online in proximity to you do you go I want my kids to turn out like that when it comes to godly character standing firm in the faith preaching the gospel to other people how many people families 31:09.206 --> 31:23.773 [SPEAKER_00]: have kids at least most of the kids with fruit you want in your own life okay if it's only one to three families that you could even point to not even friends with but you can just point to in your community 31:24.435 --> 31:29.036 [SPEAKER_00]: that you would want that, then you are proving to yourself my point. 31:30.016 --> 31:33.497 [SPEAKER_00]: The point is that it takes doing things differently. 31:33.917 --> 31:35.177 [SPEAKER_00]: What are those things differently? 31:35.337 --> 31:53.381 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what this episode's about, is for you to discern, you to distill, and stand up, even extended family that are exposing your children to the wrong things, talking about things before you want your children to know about things, to be playing the wrong things, to attending the wrong things when they're with them. 31:55.039 --> 31:57.281 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, cousins, all these kinds of things, right? 31:57.941 --> 31:59.042 [SPEAKER_00]: Peel people in the neighborhood. 31:59.222 --> 32:03.945 [SPEAKER_00]: The neighborhood blog where we want to be lights absolutely be lights, not at the sacrifice of our children. 32:04.965 --> 32:07.046 [SPEAKER_00]: So what does that look like, practically? 32:07.166 --> 32:09.228 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's going to include real parenting. 32:09.268 --> 32:12.930 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to include courageous parenting where you have to be bold in a loving way. 32:12.970 --> 32:14.671 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to speak truth in a loving way. 32:14.711 --> 32:16.492 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to have the hard conversations 32:16.912 --> 32:19.834 [SPEAKER_00]: in a way that doesn't detract from your relationship. 32:19.914 --> 32:22.256 [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully builds the relationship. 32:22.776 --> 32:34.725 [SPEAKER_00]: A little bit of raw and real in a loving way usually actually brings people closer together because we're beyond the surface now and we've broken the barrier to something more real and deep. 32:34.765 --> 32:36.986 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the hope and that's what you should be praying for. 32:38.587 --> 32:48.930 [SPEAKER_03]: I think too that when it comes to human tradition, I think of how a lot of parents make decisions based upon how they were parented, what they experienced when they were growing up. 32:49.630 --> 32:57.132 [SPEAKER_03]: And instead of, you know, I actually think that all of us in our humanity, I know you and I even thought about this, right? 32:57.172 --> 32:58.132 [SPEAKER_03]: We thought about the things 32:58.592 --> 33:05.417 [SPEAKER_03]: that we experienced when we were kids and that helped to shape the things that we were going to do and not do as we were leaving New Legacy. 33:05.457 --> 33:07.879 [SPEAKER_03]: And, and that's a good question. 33:07.939 --> 33:09.840 [SPEAKER_03]: That's a good process to go through. 33:10.281 --> 33:19.708 [SPEAKER_03]: But actually, you know, it's even more powerful than that and should actually take place before that is just seeking God's word for wisdom and praying and fasting. 33:20.428 --> 33:27.295 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that there's an element of when you're avoiding human experience human tradition, right? 33:27.315 --> 33:31.680 [SPEAKER_03]: Like let's just even from generation to generation discipline has looked very different, right? 33:32.140 --> 33:38.387 [SPEAKER_03]: Like this generation Z right now is very much known for like consent parenting or gentle parenting, which is not biblical. 33:39.047 --> 33:48.111 [SPEAKER_03]: And baby boomers were kind of the ones that were non-existent in their parenting, or they were either very authoritarian, or they were like the best friends, right? 33:48.131 --> 33:49.571 [SPEAKER_03]: And so there was no discipline at all. 33:49.731 --> 33:51.012 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's where a lot of key kid. 33:51.332 --> 33:51.792 [SPEAKER_03]: Exactly. 33:52.332 --> 34:01.696 [SPEAKER_03]: So every generation has actually been kind of labeled with the different philosophies of parenting that have predominantly 34:02.756 --> 34:06.218 [SPEAKER_03]: been the main parenting philosophy of that generation. 34:06.958 --> 34:17.722 [SPEAKER_03]: And what's interesting is that the kids, it's so funny, it's fascinating to me to look at generation to generation because you see pendulum swinging from generation to generation over and over and over again. 34:18.182 --> 34:34.177 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that if as biblical parents as Christians, we instead of looking at how we were potentially parenting, we just look straight at the word of God and we see what he commands us to do and we see what he commands us to stay away from and what not to do. 34:34.878 --> 34:46.851 [SPEAKER_03]: And we form our parenting philosophy purely from the word of God, and we do biblical parenting where much safer than that, because the human tendency is to throw the baby out with the bath water. 34:47.671 --> 34:49.373 [SPEAKER_03]: Discipline is a great example of it, right? 34:49.413 --> 34:55.319 [SPEAKER_03]: Like some people may be grew up with discipline in their home, but it was done incorrectly in the sense that it wasn't always done 34:56.040 --> 35:00.242 [SPEAKER_03]: Biblically, maybe they had a parent that really struggled with anger and they disciplined. 35:00.282 --> 35:03.764 [SPEAKER_03]: So they throw all discipline out like the throwing the baby out the bathwater. 35:03.804 --> 35:07.626 [SPEAKER_03]: That's where that, you know, that term would really fit that analogy perfectly. 35:08.166 --> 35:13.968 [SPEAKER_03]: And instead, it's like, no, God commands parents to discipline their children in the destruction of the Lord. 35:15.169 --> 35:19.691 [SPEAKER_03]: But he also warns parents not to provoke their children to wrath. 35:20.211 --> 35:22.973 [SPEAKER_03]: And so that, you know, not to be parenting an anger. 35:23.033 --> 35:23.273 [SPEAKER_03]: And so 35:23.573 --> 35:30.097 [SPEAKER_03]: There's so many things that as parents, like if we were to just go based upon our experiences, we are going to fail our kids. 35:30.558 --> 35:36.221 [SPEAKER_03]: But if we go upon what God's word says and it's our rock, then we're not going to fail them. 35:36.421 --> 35:39.744 [SPEAKER_03]: We're going to, I mean, we may fail them at times, but God's word never does fail. 35:40.224 --> 35:43.266 [SPEAKER_03]: And so just being aware of 35:43.726 --> 36:00.571 [SPEAKER_03]: our tendency as humans and maybe even question yourselves like I think that would be a good courageous parenting exercise this week is have you made your decisions and your parenting philosophies based upon what you wish didn't happen to you or wish you wouldn't happen to you because we shouldn't we shouldn't be parenting like that. 36:00.831 --> 36:01.931 [SPEAKER_03]: God's given us a guidebook. 36:02.363 --> 36:16.173 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you think about, there's the loneliness too, especially maybe among moms, you know, they're home with young people all day and that sometimes some of those decisions that they're making could be because they really want community with other moms. 36:16.594 --> 36:29.083 [SPEAKER_00]: They want to be around other moms and so when a mom is really starving for that biblical community in friendship and they start to see some people at least in the group that are, they want to be friends with and closer to 36:29.603 --> 36:32.207 [SPEAKER_00]: But then there's a lack of fruit in whatever it is. 36:32.287 --> 36:37.694 [SPEAKER_00]: Like for the kids, it starts to not be the best thing for them compared to something else they could do at home or elsewhere. 36:38.636 --> 36:41.400 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, how do you, isn't that a hard decision to make? 36:41.460 --> 36:45.545 [SPEAKER_00]: Probably because now you're talking about the mom's personal relationships. 36:46.536 --> 36:49.137 [SPEAKER_00]: and navigating what's best for the kids. 36:49.497 --> 37:03.343 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I think that a lot of people, I think that, yeah, I mean, I think that a lot of women probably struggle with whether they're gonna go to work or not based upon what they're gonna be missing out on if they do go to work or what they're gonna miss out on if they don't go to work, right? 37:03.383 --> 37:07.484 [SPEAKER_03]: Like some people, they build really strong relationships with other women in the workplace. 37:08.024 --> 37:11.406 [SPEAKER_03]: And so the thought of not working there and just being at home 37:12.407 --> 37:15.191 [SPEAKER_03]: really does help form their decision. 37:15.231 --> 37:24.104 [SPEAKER_03]: It's probably, I would say relationships are probably the single most powerful decision making force for women is what my guess would be. 37:24.945 --> 37:26.087 [SPEAKER_03]: But it shouldn't be that way. 37:27.208 --> 37:38.472 [SPEAKER_03]: obeying God should be what our single most defining force of just motivation for our decision should really be what God's calling us to. 37:38.532 --> 37:40.512 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that it takes sacrifice. 37:40.712 --> 37:42.513 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm just going to be honest, I truly do. 37:43.073 --> 37:51.696 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think that it's healthy for moms to have a martyrdom syndrome years ago, oh my goodness, years ago, I'm just remembering this. 37:52.296 --> 37:57.683 [SPEAKER_03]: I think I was just postpartum with Luke or Ethan and they're now seventeen and almost fifteen. 37:58.264 --> 38:07.777 [SPEAKER_03]: I did this video called the danger of the motherhood martyrdom syndrome and I think that there's something to this where moms 38:08.718 --> 38:15.288 [SPEAKER_03]: We can start to lament about all the things that we've sacrificed in our life in order to be this grandiose mom, right? 38:15.688 --> 38:18.573 [SPEAKER_03]: And it's like this, oh, I'm doing this because I love you. 38:18.593 --> 38:22.999 [SPEAKER_03]: And so almost a woes me, pity party kind of attitude of like, 38:24.040 --> 38:39.472 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think there's a danger in that and the biggest danger is that if you don't have an identity that is aside from being a mom, your identity first and foremost in Christ Jesus and being obedient to him, you're going to fall to traps like the motherhood martyrdom syndrome. 38:39.492 --> 38:43.455 [SPEAKER_03]: You're going to fall to traps like all my friends are at the workplace. 38:44.095 --> 38:46.597 [SPEAKER_03]: And if I leave there, I'm not going to have any friends. 38:47.217 --> 38:49.859 [SPEAKER_03]: You're going to fall to the trap of like even doing ministry. 38:49.920 --> 38:52.101 [SPEAKER_03]: I could say that there's a huge trap there, right? 38:52.161 --> 39:00.968 [SPEAKER_03]: That there's maybe that women find more significance or accolades in doing ministry and they crave that because they feel unappreciated in their homes. 39:01.148 --> 39:03.430 [SPEAKER_03]: And that's a wrong reason to be doing ministry. 39:03.730 --> 39:04.210 [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean? 39:04.931 --> 39:09.574 [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever you do and whatever season you do it has to be because you're called to it. 39:10.055 --> 39:11.176 [SPEAKER_03]: Not because you're stuck in it. 39:11.656 --> 39:19.302 [SPEAKER_03]: Not because you were called a year or two ago and you're not called now, but because God has called you to it and you're walking in obedience to him. 39:19.922 --> 39:23.765 [SPEAKER_03]: And when you do that, you're less likely to put it on yourself. 39:24.466 --> 39:27.668 [SPEAKER_03]: Because when you see God has called you to something, it's actually him. 39:27.788 --> 39:28.229 [SPEAKER_03]: He did it. 39:28.309 --> 39:29.029 [SPEAKER_03]: He called you. 39:29.870 --> 39:31.271 [SPEAKER_03]: You're just being obedient. 39:31.351 --> 39:34.234 [SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of like when you're able to say, hey, honey, you make the decision. 39:34.894 --> 39:37.636 [SPEAKER_03]: And then I can just go, well, I said, we're doing this. 39:37.696 --> 39:38.697 [SPEAKER_03]: So this is what we're doing. 39:39.117 --> 39:39.878 [SPEAKER_03]: It's not on me. 39:40.859 --> 39:45.562 [SPEAKER_03]: I find that there's so much freedom and just following Jesus and letting him be the one. 39:45.582 --> 39:50.967 [SPEAKER_03]: The makes the decisions because then I can just say, hey, yeah, God has called us to this. 39:52.285 --> 39:53.025 [SPEAKER_03]: This is what we're doing. 39:53.966 --> 39:56.246 [SPEAKER_03]: But it takes having that confidence, right? 39:56.286 --> 40:08.751 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that more women need that confidence of being able to say with, it's not just having the confidence to tell someone that is that they are confident in what God has called them to. 40:09.571 --> 40:12.832 [SPEAKER_03]: That's really what I think a lot of moms are craving. 40:13.362 --> 40:16.164 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's just real off some hard decisions we have had to make. 40:16.184 --> 40:18.065 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'll say one while you're thinking of the next one. 40:18.505 --> 40:19.426 [SPEAKER_00]: And we'll go back and forth. 40:19.526 --> 40:20.186 [SPEAKER_03]: This could be fun. 40:20.326 --> 40:23.428 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, moving to Idaho, leaving all of our closest friends. 40:24.008 --> 40:25.269 [SPEAKER_03]: That was super hard. 40:25.309 --> 40:27.831 [SPEAKER_03]: Now you're going to make me cry home schooling. 40:28.631 --> 40:31.413 [SPEAKER_00]: OK, how about no sleepovers for any kids? 40:31.833 --> 40:32.333 [SPEAKER_03]: That was huge. 40:33.154 --> 40:33.774 [SPEAKER_03]: That was hard. 40:34.234 --> 40:34.895 [SPEAKER_00]: That was really hard. 40:35.415 --> 40:35.735 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 40:38.797 --> 40:41.419 [SPEAKER_03]: These are all things that we chose to say no to. 40:42.204 --> 40:43.765 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, they're hard decisions. 40:43.965 --> 40:51.988 [SPEAKER_03]: But there was also hard decisions of like, honestly choosing to plant the church was a hard decision. 40:53.289 --> 40:54.710 [SPEAKER_00]: That's definitely going against the grain. 40:54.930 --> 41:00.812 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because it was like, okay, what are we going to have to sacrifice as a family time wise to be able to do that? 41:01.693 --> 41:03.173 [SPEAKER_03]: But it's blessed as tenfold. 41:03.474 --> 41:06.675 [SPEAKER_00]: How about divisions at breakfast? 41:07.235 --> 41:08.656 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a team. 41:08.856 --> 41:10.677 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I mean, that takes time to do that. 41:11.128 --> 41:23.691 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, for sure every day it's a dedication, but what you reap in your family culture and in the faith walk of your kids and the discipline that they're learning and it's being modeled for them far out ways. 41:23.711 --> 41:25.111 [SPEAKER_03]: How much? 41:25.351 --> 41:27.932 [SPEAKER_00]: How about one more child when you've already had five? 41:28.152 --> 41:30.252 [SPEAKER_03]: Wow, he's been thinking about this list for a while. 41:30.272 --> 41:31.972 [SPEAKER_00]: No, I just coming to mind. 41:31.992 --> 41:34.153 [SPEAKER_03]: You could say having the six, having the seven. 41:34.193 --> 41:38.954 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I know every single time it was, and there were certain ones where we got massive pushback. 41:40.190 --> 41:40.590 [SPEAKER_00]: Massive. 41:40.730 --> 41:43.011 [SPEAKER_03]: All of them after after number four. 41:43.771 --> 41:45.372 [SPEAKER_03]: We got pushed back. 41:45.592 --> 41:47.933 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, so much push back. 41:48.673 --> 41:51.734 [SPEAKER_03]: If you want to read about that, just go get my book redeeming childbirth. 41:53.235 --> 41:53.595 [SPEAKER_00]: What else? 41:54.295 --> 41:54.916 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that. 41:56.696 --> 41:58.937 [SPEAKER_03]: Ministry stepping in to be courageous ministry. 41:59.217 --> 42:01.458 [SPEAKER_03]: We had push back from the enemy. 42:01.878 --> 42:03.479 [SPEAKER_03]: The devil didn't want us doing that. 42:04.019 --> 42:08.122 [SPEAKER_00]: Definitely wasn't the smartest, obvious smart decision financially. 42:08.142 --> 42:14.626 [SPEAKER_00]: Like the obvious smart decision was go get an executive job at this company, my friend runs, that offered me a job. 42:15.186 --> 42:16.287 [SPEAKER_03]: That was a high paying job. 42:16.367 --> 42:18.188 [SPEAKER_00]: So that would have been the obvious. 42:18.389 --> 42:24.292 [SPEAKER_03]: But we stayed for community because that was what was important for our children and started ministry. 42:24.412 --> 42:32.498 [SPEAKER_03]: Which if that tells you anything about how hard it was for us to leave that community because we turned down a very lucrative job offer. 42:33.178 --> 42:34.720 [SPEAKER_03]: and moving to stay there with them. 42:34.800 --> 42:38.923 [SPEAKER_03]: So to leave them and come here to Idaho was a really hard decision. 42:39.244 --> 42:42.927 [SPEAKER_03]: But we had, again, no, that's a perfect example. 42:42.987 --> 42:50.674 [SPEAKER_03]: Actually, if you guys haven't listened to why we strategic really located, you have to go listen that podcast episode because it was a legacy move. 42:50.974 --> 42:55.218 [SPEAKER_03]: We had a set aside our deep friendships that we loved and cherished. 42:55.658 --> 42:57.960 [SPEAKER_03]: for our kids legacy and our grandkids. 42:58.020 --> 43:00.643 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's proven to be absolutely the right decision. 43:01.083 --> 43:02.804 [SPEAKER_03]: Both our daughters met their husbands here. 43:03.385 --> 43:03.505 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 43:03.525 --> 43:04.766 [SPEAKER_00]: That alone is huge. 43:05.006 --> 43:05.747 [SPEAKER_00]: It is it is. 43:05.907 --> 43:07.648 [SPEAKER_03]: And we're all living in Idaho, Lord. 43:07.749 --> 43:08.609 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean right now. 43:08.769 --> 43:13.013 [SPEAKER_00]: How about three month RV trip around the country to fulfill a promise. 43:13.333 --> 43:18.238 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, even though the finances didn't really show that that would work. 43:19.018 --> 43:19.839 [SPEAKER_03]: That's it. 43:20.528 --> 43:33.865 [SPEAKER_00]: while I was working full-time year seven and eight months pregnant and six seven and eight yep and we hit visit thirty four state four states yeah had a good time yeah that was good what else uh more simple ones 43:34.934 --> 43:35.855 [SPEAKER_03]: I, gardening. 43:36.035 --> 43:39.278 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I love being in the garden if you guys know. 43:39.298 --> 43:40.479 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that going against the grain? 43:40.559 --> 43:42.140 [SPEAKER_03]: But it is because it's time. 43:42.160 --> 43:43.161 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's true. 43:43.181 --> 43:45.983 [SPEAKER_03]: It's time that I could be doing other things. 43:46.083 --> 43:52.168 [SPEAKER_03]: Number one, also, it's a commitment of like, what am I doing then with the fruit? 43:52.608 --> 43:55.791 [SPEAKER_03]: And I mean, there's so much to the garden, actually. 43:55.811 --> 43:57.892 [SPEAKER_00]: How about relationships? 43:58.633 --> 43:59.994 [SPEAKER_00]: Hard decisions around relationships? 44:00.034 --> 44:03.897 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, choosing not to befriend certain people. 44:05.388 --> 44:06.088 [SPEAKER_03]: It's hard. 44:06.308 --> 44:07.068 [SPEAKER_03]: That sounds tough. 44:07.289 --> 44:07.929 [SPEAKER_03]: It is tough. 44:08.229 --> 44:09.229 [SPEAKER_03]: They don't necessarily know. 44:09.249 --> 44:14.750 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank careful who are children run the race with. 44:15.511 --> 44:16.071 [SPEAKER_00]: Very careful. 44:16.171 --> 44:28.074 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you can be loving and friendly to people, but you've got to be careful about who's in your inner circle because you're going to influence your kids because if they influence you, you influence your kids, bam, influence. 44:29.434 --> 44:43.696 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know, raw real good hard conversations with extended family at times over the years I would say something those are actually the those are the hardest the ones where you care so much about someone and you 44:44.297 --> 44:46.118 [SPEAKER_03]: want to be a witness and a light to them. 44:46.538 --> 44:49.960 [SPEAKER_03]: But at the same time, you feel like we just want to limit it. 44:49.980 --> 44:50.980 [SPEAKER_03]: You just want to line it. 44:51.040 --> 44:54.882 [SPEAKER_03]: But that's not going to be there because Christ has to be the center. 44:55.363 --> 44:59.765 [SPEAKER_03]: And so it's like you can't expect people who are not walking with Christ to be Christian like. 45:00.005 --> 45:01.546 [SPEAKER_03]: You can't expect them to be Christ like. 45:01.946 --> 45:02.526 [SPEAKER_03]: And we don't. 45:02.906 --> 45:05.608 [SPEAKER_03]: But we still are raising our kids with a standard of. 45:05.668 --> 45:10.410 [SPEAKER_00]: I think a big one was not just dropping off our kids to things. 45:11.030 --> 45:12.071 [SPEAKER_00]: That covers a lot of things. 45:12.767 --> 45:14.488 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we just never did that. 45:14.608 --> 45:19.031 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, we never dropped them off, but we would either I would go do it with them. 45:19.091 --> 45:21.272 [SPEAKER_03]: Like if it was VBS, I volunteer. 45:21.312 --> 45:23.773 [SPEAKER_00]: If it was soccer practice, I was there for the whole practice. 45:23.874 --> 45:24.054 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 45:24.074 --> 45:25.014 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it's still similar. 45:25.054 --> 45:25.775 [SPEAKER_03]: You place bike ball. 45:26.775 --> 45:27.055 [SPEAKER_00]: I go. 45:27.075 --> 45:28.656 [SPEAKER_00]: I still go with it like it. 45:29.297 --> 45:30.177 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you like it. 45:30.397 --> 45:38.202 [SPEAKER_03]: But I mean, it's been kind of our jam has been like if if we're going to do something, we're in do it as a family as much as possible. 45:38.593 --> 45:43.274 [SPEAKER_00]: But we never, we never just drop off our kids at church, you know, these kinds of things. 45:43.314 --> 45:44.815 [SPEAKER_00]: When they're older, they would drive themselves. 45:44.835 --> 45:45.775 [SPEAKER_00]: That's fine, different. 45:45.835 --> 45:48.956 [SPEAKER_00]: They're strong and capable of walking strong with the Lord. 45:49.016 --> 45:49.656 [SPEAKER_00]: That's different. 45:49.676 --> 45:55.957 [SPEAKER_03]: But I think it's a strength for us to be able to do that, though, came from us not doing it when they were little. 45:56.037 --> 45:59.018 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm convinced, one hundred percent, zero regret. 45:59.058 --> 46:05.960 [SPEAKER_03]: In fact, the regret that I have in parenting is when I allowed the pressures 46:07.051 --> 46:23.702 [SPEAKER_03]: to to of like, oh, you don't want to be controlling and then that kind of like that kind of saying right to influence me to where I was a little more lenient and things right and it just those are those are the times when I have the most regret. 46:24.561 --> 46:35.806 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think if any parents honest, they are going to realize that there's things that happen to the kids that they wish didn't happen when it involved dropping their kids off when they're young. 46:36.306 --> 46:39.708 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that these days it's important to really think about that. 46:40.348 --> 46:51.840 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it doesn't, and I think a hard decision too is not just to trust people because they say their Christians or it's a Christian organization or a Christian college or a Christian anything. 46:52.341 --> 47:02.992 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you have to know it's just interesting, you know, the longer that we're in this parenting mystery too, I'm just even thinking of all the testimonies that we've gotten over the years and people who share different things with us and 47:03.652 --> 47:09.894 [SPEAKER_03]: It's just because it has a Christian label on it does not mean that you can trust it, right? 47:10.314 --> 47:20.557 [SPEAKER_03]: Like I even think of a professor bugging one of our kids, you have to choose this theology or this theology and they're like, well, why can't I just be a biblicalist? 47:20.637 --> 47:22.857 [SPEAKER_03]: No, you have to choose between these two. 47:22.937 --> 47:24.098 [SPEAKER_00]: Telling them are our meanings. 47:24.118 --> 47:24.958 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's like 47:25.498 --> 47:26.339 [SPEAKER_00]: In front of us. 47:26.399 --> 47:26.600 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 47:26.720 --> 47:28.862 [SPEAKER_03]: And so, you know, just hear these different things. 47:28.882 --> 47:29.844 [SPEAKER_03]: You're just like, what? 47:30.104 --> 47:33.528 [SPEAKER_03]: They don't even value just like, I agree with some of each of them. 47:33.788 --> 47:35.370 [SPEAKER_03]: And I disagree with some of each of them. 47:35.470 --> 47:36.211 [SPEAKER_03]: They're man-made. 47:36.412 --> 47:37.613 [SPEAKER_03]: And I just want to read the Bible. 47:37.773 --> 47:40.637 [SPEAKER_03]: I just want to be able to just like, anyways, there's 47:42.719 --> 47:51.788 [SPEAKER_03]: When you send kids to places, even if they're not, even a kid anymore necessarily, like, you just have to be really eyes open. 47:52.489 --> 47:57.714 [SPEAKER_03]: And if you have a gut feeling that it's not going to be good for them, you need to follow that gut. 47:58.195 --> 48:00.537 [SPEAKER_03]: You need to just be the parent and follow the gut. 48:01.338 --> 48:02.119 [SPEAKER_03]: I really believe that. 48:02.499 --> 48:02.679 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 48:03.380 --> 48:06.961 [SPEAKER_03]: because those are the only times I didn't fall my gut is when I regret. 48:07.841 --> 48:09.862 [SPEAKER_03]: However, other times I fall my gut, I don't regret. 48:09.902 --> 48:10.842 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's an interesting one. 48:10.882 --> 48:15.143 [SPEAKER_00]: We were heading towards a different part of Idaho, even though we liked this area. 48:15.183 --> 48:19.684 [SPEAKER_00]: We had just looked at this property actually, and then we had it out on our V to, you know, different part. 48:19.724 --> 48:24.165 [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason we were going to this different part was because real estate was much less expensive. 48:24.785 --> 48:27.766 [SPEAKER_00]: And we had a limit, you know, certain limit of what we could buy. 48:28.510 --> 48:35.139 [SPEAKER_00]: and the Lord just we only made a half way there and we turned around and we came back in faith. 48:35.870 --> 48:40.513 [SPEAKER_00]: and hoping that we would be able to get this and God did a miraculous thing. 48:40.693 --> 48:41.553 [SPEAKER_00]: And we were able to. 48:42.074 --> 48:46.936 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's just like sometimes it's like, you gotta listen to the Lord and impossible things can happen. 48:47.337 --> 48:50.398 [SPEAKER_00]: Where we live right now, it was impossible for us to afford. 48:50.919 --> 48:52.299 [SPEAKER_00]: It literally was not possible. 48:53.040 --> 48:53.820 [SPEAKER_00]: And we live here. 48:54.281 --> 48:59.384 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's just, but we were heading towards, we could afford something like this. 49:00.004 --> 49:02.385 [SPEAKER_00]: And but that wouldn't have been the right place for us. 49:02.946 --> 49:05.327 [SPEAKER_00]: This absolutely God wanted us here. 49:05.527 --> 49:05.787 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 49:06.507 --> 49:11.929 [SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, whatever you're potentially making decisions on, there could be so many different things, right? 49:13.290 --> 49:19.052 [SPEAKER_03]: But we just want to encourage you guys, no matter what, to realize that at the end of the day, you answer to Jesus Christ. 49:19.992 --> 49:21.453 [SPEAKER_03]: Not other people. 49:22.353 --> 49:28.135 [SPEAKER_03]: And to remember the mission that he's called you to and discipling your kids and recognize the decisions that you make. 49:28.895 --> 49:29.896 [SPEAKER_03]: are going to influence them. 49:30.136 --> 49:33.957 [SPEAKER_03]: The friends that they have, they may not be prophets, but they are an influence. 49:34.878 --> 49:36.139 [SPEAKER_03]: And they will influence them. 49:36.159 --> 49:38.920 [SPEAKER_03]: And if they influence your child, it's going to influence your family culture. 49:39.740 --> 49:47.024 [SPEAKER_03]: And so you have to have a solid vision for what we believe God is calling you to in your legacy as a family. 49:47.584 --> 49:53.047 [SPEAKER_03]: And you've got to try to stay faithful to that, as much as you can, pray and ask God to help make you faithful. 49:53.507 --> 49:57.469 [SPEAKER_03]: And I promise you, over the time, you will start to grow some rhinoskin. 49:58.991 --> 50:01.832 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope this was encouraging to you. 50:02.174 --> 50:02.779 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for joining us.