[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
[SPEAKER_00]: And happy Monday, y'all.
[SPEAKER_00]: This vlog has episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Probably gonna piss off a lot of people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Ask me if I care.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, if you have a kid, maybe don't listen to this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay awhile.
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me if it's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you agree with the things I'm saying or if everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna tell you is hurtful.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I change your mind about having your children.
[SPEAKER_00]: Terrible.
[SPEAKER_00]: It started this podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, before we get in anything though.
[SPEAKER_00]: How's keeping the new merch lunch with Freddie Tyler Paul?
[SPEAKER_00]: One of my favorite t-shirt designers launched last week.
[SPEAKER_00]: We launched a t-shirt in a sweatshirt that says don't talk to me until I've had my lex pro lace dice coffee.
[SPEAKER_00]: This one is for the lex pro girlies aka ma.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're out now.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can go find that in my bio.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find on Instagram, you can find on FreddyTile.com and you just hit close and then you'll see the collection listed with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's so cute.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love the material.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so soft.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you haven't seen the designs, he makes like very chaotic, but like cute and funny designs.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just, it's very, I think it's very of the time, big fan of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So go check that out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I'm gonna die of a right month of a gun into it because this is gonna be a long episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: In case you can't tell by the title, we are talking about being child free.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is right.
[SPEAKER_00]: In case you didn't hear, being long, the birth rates declining, fertility rates are declining.
[SPEAKER_00]: And people are very fucking divided.
[SPEAKER_00]: My timeline is celebrating.
[SPEAKER_00]: all the retweets of my friends shooting on comments are from the other side where people are fear mongering and honestly it's there arguments are just gross.
[SPEAKER_00]: The right is not very happy to see the nuclear family falling apart as they as they know it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, so the birth rate turned declining and I saw a lot of discourse on it and I thought what better fucking place to talk about this with than with my confidants.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's get straight into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there is a difference between being child free and childless.
[SPEAKER_00]: What is childless?
[SPEAKER_00]: This is actually someone who does want children, but does not have them for various reasons.
[SPEAKER_00]: So think like socioeconomic reasons, financial like, hey,
[SPEAKER_00]: I would actually love to have a kid right now, but financially, that's not realistic for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this economy, a child, you're crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, like social reasons, they're either too young or too old or their single fertility reasons or illness.
[SPEAKER_00]: They live in a red state where if they did get pregnant and they had to
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, go to the hospital because something was wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: The state that they live in might actually prioritize the baby's life over the mothers.
[SPEAKER_00]: We just saw that in the same case that happened where they kept that woman's body alive so that she could deliver a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that to me is like the scariest is that you're someone that wants
[SPEAKER_00]: a kid and are ready and feel prepared whether it's like financially or emotionally and you're not able to because you don't want to die.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: That like you want all of those things, but you're terrified that if God forbids something goes wrong while you're pregnant, you might end up dead or in jail for having a
[SPEAKER_00]: miscarriage or abortion like that's such a fucking nanners fact that I feel like anyone on the right that's arguing about this shit should like address that first
[SPEAKER_00]: Like maybe we should look at the you know scale back a little bit right take your fucking hands off the Bible for just a second scale back and look at like maybe there's a larger reason you know that women aren't having kids and it's because they they want to live
[SPEAKER_00]: Or like in instances where they don't have bodily autonomy at a hospital, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's a viral video that was going off this weekend about a woman who had just had a sea section and she wanted to leave the hospital, but the nurses weren't letting her and I don't know the exact details of like some people in the comments were saying you're not allowed to leave.
[SPEAKER_00]: with in twenty four hours after you have a sea section for like medical reasons, but I also think you could like if you want to switch hospitals, you can and they were saying, yes, you're welcome to do that, but baby is staying here and she's like over my fucking dead body and like to me again.
[SPEAKER_00]: The fact that there are women in that industry, because let's be very clear, it's an industry.
[SPEAKER_00]: They are wanting you to come in and have a baby so that they can make money off of that experience, that are in that industry that aren't like helping women in that instance.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that whole situation was a little bit ego driven, but the larger point that women who do feel ready to have a child but are childless because that medical industry does not prioritize the women's needs or
[SPEAKER_00]: the woman actually doesn't have a lot of control over once you are checked into that hospital like you don't get to make a lot of decisions hopefully you have an amazing staff and doctor that you love that like it listens to you but at the end of the day people are always saying like they work for you you can fire them yeah but hospitals are private companies they do not have to answer they're not getting paid by the patient necessarily they're getting paid by the insurance companies
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me get off my eyebrows for a second.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is what being childless is in this context of child free versus childless.
[SPEAKER_00]: Child free is what women and people are doing when they are actively choosing not to have a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: They are saying I don't want kids and I don't have them because I don't want them.
[SPEAKER_00]: which brings me to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am child free in case you haven't noticed.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I also want to do this episode because I've been having these really big life.
[SPEAKER_00]: questions pop up over the last few weeks, as you can tell by the episode titles, you know, I've been like traveling and, you know, my relationship went long distance.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was having a bunch of friends have babies in marriage and it just turning thirty five is feels just like this huge moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's making me confront a lot of fears and decisions I've made and I
[SPEAKER_00]: doing this episode like it made me feel a lot better about where I am like doing all my research for this has made me feel a lot better about that because even your girl a confident child free by fucking choice literally had an abort war last year your girl still is like
[SPEAKER_00]: Should I be having get like and I think a big thing to that I've like realized is the athlete and I obviously like very much am love very happy and He is a great person like I think you'd be an incredible parent I think he should have kids at some point Is it gone that be with me?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: You all know in my ideal world, we're living on some fucking multi property estate and someone's having a child that's in a throppo with us.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the ideal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because again, I believe children should be raised by a village.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I feel like I'm weirdly running out of time for that dream to be a reality.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's some weird like vortex that happens between twenty seven and thirty five.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that makes that still feels like you're allowed to fuck up and you're allowed to be indecisive and you're still allowed to be questioning your identity.
[SPEAKER_00]: And for some reason, this is all again, projection, false farseness in my head.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that like thirty five is coming up and I am
[UNKNOWN]: Anakin.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm questioning all of my decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, it's just first thought we're a thought once I sit with it, like, actually come back down from the fear.
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought and get out of my head.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, see, like, you know yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know your competence.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I know if I'm feeling that, y'all must be feeling it, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why am I child free?
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, let's go through.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wrote down a list.
[SPEAKER_00]: And number one, the cost.
[SPEAKER_00]: contrary to what people believe, I am not a rich youtuber girly pop in the digital space.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am just getting by.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I still make like what a lot of my regular salary friends who have jobs make, but I think I actually make less than them because I have to pay for my own insurance.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't work for a company, it pays for my own insurance.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't have like a lot of my income goes to the cost of living and living in Los Angeles, living by myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hippo, all of those things add up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I could downsize and downgrade my life to build a fat savings.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have my emergency fund.
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, I have my assets, et cetera, et cetera.
[SPEAKER_00]: But like I
[SPEAKER_00]: could not imagine letting go of the way I've learned to live just because I decided I want to bring a child into this world and I could not possibly do that without making huge financial sacrifices about the way I live right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: The cost of raising a child is crazy like I think so many people
[SPEAKER_00]: like site financial reasons as to why they aren't having children and yet so many people who have zero doll hairs are having children.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when's the last time?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, your man looked at the price of diapers or fair amount of or fucking daycare.
[SPEAKER_00]: Holy shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Any man that wants to have a child with you, you should test them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: How much do you think it has a cost to have a child just in the hospital?
[SPEAKER_00]: How much do you think that's going to cost me?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: How much do you think the first year costs on average?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Once they can walk and talk, what do you think about education?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I fully don't think.
[SPEAKER_00]: the responsibility of also learning the burden of children ever goes to men.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think men often get the ability to opt out of the child, the child experience, whereas like women are so often side-saddle to be single mothers, to be mothers in a marriage who are alone or divorced mothers.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I have seen
[SPEAKER_00]: So many instances where the husband or the father of the child dips out and the mother is left to raise financially and emotionally and physically that they be on their own.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I was doing this research, I kept coming across women who were saying, if you were going to have a child, assume that you are going to do it by yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether that means
[SPEAKER_00]: you are literally a single woman having a child, whether that means you're in a marriage, you have to assume that like men just don't statistically pick up the weight of what that experience to have a child is like or something good happened to your partner, breakups happen, divorce happens, people change, people freak the fuck out when you have kids, like you don't know who you're married to until you have children as the saying.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think the best advice that I heard in all my research was talking about
[SPEAKER_00]: if you are going to have a child, like choosing that for yourself as a woman, assume you're going to be doing it on your own.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that also means financially.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, men, I just don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I think the athlete is a wonderful, perfect specimen, like to have a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yet,
[SPEAKER_00]: I have been in relationships, you know, my five year relationship with a person I was with the first three years was not the person I was with the last two years.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like mentally they change experiences happen where they change life happens and people fucking change.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, the person you choose to have a child with is the most important decision you make in your fucking life.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that is your partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is the person that you are going to go through the highest highs in the lowest lows with when it comes to like creating life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just think when you ask a man, why do they want to have children?
[SPEAKER_00]: The number one answer is legacy.
[SPEAKER_00]: pass on my fucking jeans.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never because of the woman that I'm with.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love the woman I'm with and I want to make a creation with her a life with her or like because I think you know we deserve to bring children into the world or like I want to fucking make something with the person that I'm with.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's never that answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever noticed that?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always like
[SPEAKER_00]: You ask a guy, do they want kids one day?
[SPEAKER_00]: And they'll be like, yeah, I just think like, that would be dope, you know, a baby to like take on my jeans and be like a little mini me and carry on my name.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's always they always want a son who plays sports and I can teach him how to be all my things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, yeah, but how many times out of that, like, statistically is actually going to happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like watching gender appeals still like clutch my pearls every time because I'm just like, I hope he reacts.
[SPEAKER_00]: in a civilized manner to the gender reveal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I've always so nervous to see how a man is going to react to knowing that he's going to have a little girl even in this day-nage.
[SPEAKER_00]: I still, I'm still worried.
[SPEAKER_00]: So men is my number two reason.
[SPEAKER_00]: And number three, I don't think this earth right now deserves the goodness that is children.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we are literally letting children starve and Gaza right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are actively having school shootings every single day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was at a comedy show last night and I went, I was doing stand up at like a dog rescue event.
[SPEAKER_00]: And Chelsea Preddy went on before me and she had this hilarious bear where she was like, I have a son and you know, I used to be so worried because
[SPEAKER_00]: of like, I brought a child into this world with global warming and things, but actually with the way school shootings are going that global warming might be a better way to go out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it was so dark, but it was so true.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so fucked up in the audience.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, ah, and she was like, you guys know I'm right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, holy shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't respect children.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't respect the education system.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't even have enough food to feed them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we don't
[SPEAKER_00]: have money to to implement programs for school lunches like there are children who are living in America that don't eat every single day Why would we bring children into this world when we don't even have our ship figured out like we like the church the church my favorite when the church are like we need more soldiers for Jesus bitch y'all don't really have a great track record with little kids in the church
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like maybe you should figure that shit out first before you come to me telling me you knew my body is a fucking vessel for the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: Fuck that holy shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Where was I?
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, another reason that I am child free.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't raise children in villages anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they always say it takes the village.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what village?
[SPEAKER_00]: Me and my fucking baby, but you're in and my fucking baby camera and my two arms and legs like bitch, what village?
[SPEAKER_00]: We are so lucky to do even
[SPEAKER_00]: raised children with a partner that stays let alone if they have grandparents that come around and aren't actually like a burden to that experience or friends that stay close with you and want to be active in that child's life like oh my god it stresses me the fuck out I'm gonna get hives but
[SPEAKER_00]: There is something crazy that I found out called the mom tax versus the dad bonus when you have children.
[SPEAKER_00]: So speaking of like not having a village often, like it's statistical fact that when women go back to work after having children, they will most likely take a pay cut because managers and hiring, you know,
[SPEAKER_00]: people don't believe that women who have children are as capable or present or available to do a good as a job as a woman who has no children.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is the mom tax.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you go back to work and you're less in your career, you're less in your status, you're known as a mom first forever.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like your individuality is gone and it is your mom.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're a working mom, your mom boss.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like
[SPEAKER_00]: That shows me out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the dad bonus is because after having children, usually the burden falls on the mom to stay after maternity leave and they don't go back to work.
[SPEAKER_00]: The dad is more available to be at work more often and they're avoiding responsibilities by staying at the office later and longer and can think more about their jobs because they're not at home with the child and they often get raises.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're salary and income after having children often raises between three and ten percent.
[SPEAKER_00]: Fucking fuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's just shut me out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Another reason I wrote the most pressing reason is why I am child free is because the number one reason why I do want a child is because I want my parents to have a grand kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think that that's correct and right and fair to bring a child into this world because of that reason.
[SPEAKER_00]: I genuinely only would want to kid right now because I would want to see my parents happy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they are very liberal, they are very supportive, they are very,
[SPEAKER_00]: They raised me like to chase my dreams and put myself first and my mom is the breadwinner.
[SPEAKER_00]: She is the fucking boss of all bosses.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was working three and six by a day a year while my dad was a stay at home dad some of the time and yet they are desperate for grandchildren.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what they want.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like I am failing them as a daughter by not giving that to them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is my number.
[SPEAKER_00]: If that is my number one reason why I want a child, I should not be having children.
[SPEAKER_00]: My second reason why I want a child right now is because I'm afraid I'm getting too old even though I have embryos and eggs frozen like again if that's my reason I should not be having children and I saw a comment in a TikTok that said like I don't want to grab having kids because I was worried that I would want one you know like they
[SPEAKER_00]: they didn't want to have a kid because they were full-moving essentially the fear of missing out on having a child and that's like not a good reason to bring a kid into the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: This one, this one came from the good old lady to talk to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: A huge reason why I am childless.
[SPEAKER_00]: Her child free is because according to a twenty twenty one report from the national commission on maternity on maternal mortality and studies cited by the CDC then leading cause of death among pregnant and postpartum women is homicide from their partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me say that again with a little bit less confusing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Homicide is the leading cause of death among pregnant and postpartum women in the US.
[SPEAKER_00]: Surpassing other common causes like burden complications or doctors mistake or hemorrhaging.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also noted in the study Black women and girls were disproportionately affected as we know the medical system and the fertility system has failed them.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are most likely to die as a pregnant person from your partner killing you.
[SPEAKER_00]: What hell?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we fucking living in again like I don't think like just the right not give a fuck about this shit?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do they just like not know these things?
[SPEAKER_00]: I I didn't know that and now that I do I will never forget that information and until that is fixed we should not be getting pregnant as women that is fucking terrifying
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, I think I need to breathe out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's take a break.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we come back, we're going to talk about more stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh.
[SPEAKER_00]: As I said, when we started this episode, the U.S.
[SPEAKER_00]: birth rate is falling fast.
[SPEAKER_00]: I keep falling.
[SPEAKER_00]: And
[SPEAKER_00]: So for a population remains stable, flat, no growth, no decline.
[SPEAKER_00]: Women on average in the US have to have two point one kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: How do the point one get there?
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't ask me, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the US right now, the then number is one point six in dropping.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's driving this whole new political debate about what if anything can be done about the birth rate declining.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this drop is primarily driven by declines in birth to people in their teens and early twenties, which are often unintended births.
[SPEAKER_00]: Shout out to teen motherfucking mom.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's huge.
[SPEAKER_00]: If we are not celebrating that, that is amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is great news and the right and the church has taken this information and spin it and flipped it and put your thing down for a different verse.
[SPEAKER_00]: And our fear mongering with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, yeah, I must be like, you know, man, I don't know how it's falling.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, Trump is like, we need to be having more babies or more and more on my babies.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not babies having babies, not the teens having the babies.
[SPEAKER_00]: They probably want that though because they can control those kinds of people with, you know, their messaging and the church and, you know, they can seem like they can make it sound more accepting.
[SPEAKER_00]: But realistically, that's amazing news.
[SPEAKER_00]: Teens and people in their early twenties are not having children.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's fucking awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Their frontal lobes aren't developed yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: We should be waiting until that happens before we're popping out kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why it's dropping also is because of economic instability, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like with LeCron and we're like, those don't survive.
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels selfish to bring children into this world.
[SPEAKER_00]: Climate anxiety.
[SPEAKER_00]: So even just like the fear again of bringing children into this world, that will have children that will have children and have to see the end of fucking times.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a real worry.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, cost of childcare like we talked about, um, greater access to contraception, which is awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, they're working on like getting birth control over the counter in, um, uh, uh, uh, what was the other thing that they, the new thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not remembering.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't Google this, but there was something about birth control being over the counter that was happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was exciting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Women have better education on everything that is child food and costs, and they are making better decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're just saying, hell no, we won't go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cultural shifts, which is like the child free lifestyle, becoming more accepting and less taboo, how to shout out to your girl, and career prioritization and delayed partnerships.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think women are becoming more aware of their fucking standards.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're genuinely saying, what do you add to my life?
[SPEAKER_00]: A baby is not the value.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, your sperm, I can get that like fucking anywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's literally like hanging from the walls.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can get that fucking anywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you bring values in my life?
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're not going to be my partner, then I don't want to raise a baby by myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: and I think that's awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even IVF isn't helping, fertility Germans are expensive and often unsuccessful, they just aren't accessible.
[SPEAKER_00]: And remember freezing your eggs and doing embryos, even like your girl, that doesn't guarantee a baby.
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the U.S.
[SPEAKER_00]: fertility clinics are booming, but actual birth rates.
[SPEAKER_00]: are recovering say with me now it's in industry that's right but it's a touchy industry because this is like industry that creates life and some amazing people are a part of it and I loved my crew and experience with going through the process and the fact that I literally got pregnant right after going through that last year
[SPEAKER_00]: That what it made me feel bad for women that were trying.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it made me feel terrible for them that I've been trying and trying and trying and I wish I could have just had it and given it to somebody.
[SPEAKER_00]: I genuinely wish I could have.
[SPEAKER_00]: No fucking way I could have done that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in no place.
[SPEAKER_00]: No fucking way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, like, no way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Couldn't have done that last year.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's some really absurd but real headlines and facts.
[SPEAKER_00]: That other countries because the whole global birth rate is declining.
[SPEAKER_00]: China is offering cash, free strollers, and longer maternity leave to boost birth rate.
[SPEAKER_00]: So multiple Chinese cities have begun offering up to five thousand dollars per baby with bonuses for a second and third kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why are we treating children like salaries?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not normal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Other perks, they're giving out free baby formula, paid leave, housing discounts, and yes, government issue, baby strollers.
[SPEAKER_00]: If that's what gets you to have a child fucking, like again, those, what are those strollers even looking like?
[SPEAKER_00]: I wonder, probably two, fucking two sticks in a circle put together fucking, just like the rock roll and down the hill.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some cities are now even encouraging people to freeze their eggs even unmarried women, which was previously banned.
[SPEAKER_00]: Italy will pay you to move to a ghost town and have babies.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Towns and italy's like Procechii and Santo Stefano offer fifteen thousand euro.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's like eighteen thousand US to move there and caveat you got to have a baby if you do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: What does that contract look like?
[SPEAKER_00]: I wonder.
[SPEAKER_00]: These are dying villages with low population and they're trying to revive themselves via a baby boost of immigration.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a black mirror episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I have fascinated.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to talk to people who are doing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, like, how can you guarantee someone's going to have a child?
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't.
[SPEAKER_00]: where Italy, they probably just like, please, come eat that pizza pasta.
[SPEAKER_00]: We need the babies.
[SPEAKER_00]: South Korea gives families rent free housing if they reproduce.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: In South Korea, which has the lowest global birth rate right now at point seven two cities like Seoul now offer free housing tax breaks and child care stipends if you have babies.
[SPEAKER_00]: the city of Los Song, I think I hope I'm saying right, even tried offering seventy five dollars per month per child until age five, which barely covers a diaper genie, like seventy five dollars.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, like, I can see and understand how that sounds appealing, but that is not that fucking much money when you are raising a child, let alone multiples.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's not even go there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hungry exempts moms of four or more from in-cat, in-cat.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hungry exempts moms of four plus from income tax.
[SPEAKER_00]: forever.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hungry's Prime Minister Victor Orban rolled out pro-family tax reforms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Women with four or more children never pay income tax again.
[SPEAKER_00]: Honey, if you've got a job with four and more children, what the fuck
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even think these women probably are paying income tax because they're at home being a fucking mom to four children.
[SPEAKER_00]: They've even teamed up with newlyweds under forty to say you will also get thirty thousand dollars in government loans partially forgiven if they pop out kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: They also, uh, cheap into the price of many vans, which I think is just fucking hilarious.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, this episode sounds like an April Fool's joke and it's not.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, this one's the craziest Singapore.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll pay you to have sex on a national night.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is real in past years.
[SPEAKER_00]: Singapore designed a day called
[SPEAKER_00]: National night where couples were encouraged to bone to help solve the baby crisis.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they even teamed up with Mentos and made a campaign called Do it for your country.
[SPEAKER_00]: The thing is about all of these scams that they're handing out, trying to get women to have children.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is never beneficial for the woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: It isn't even the exemption of income tax for a life.
[SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't benefit the woman because she still has four plus fucking children.
[SPEAKER_00]: You think she's got help with that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you think she can afford three, four nannies?
[SPEAKER_00]: You think her husband's around helping her out?
[SPEAKER_00]: God forbid, she's a single mother.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like none of these incentivize what happens after the baby comes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like none of it is saying we're here to support the woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got postpartum help.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're guaranteeing your breathing experience to be a certain way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your rights are yours.
[SPEAKER_00]: to have an own, like, they just want you to get knocked up because they want you to create consumers.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now my ten-foil hat is on.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't give a fuck what happens to the children after it's out.
[SPEAKER_00]: They just need more consumers.
[SPEAKER_00]: So they can start pushing advertisements so they can start selling them shit, they can start getting them in the workforce, underage, illegally, paying them nothing so that they will consume more.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that's power.
[SPEAKER_00]: Same thing with the fucking church.
[SPEAKER_00]: All that shit that I'm seeing on TikTok of all those young women getting roped into religion.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're saying like Jesus needs more soldiers.
[SPEAKER_00]: We need what like again, how was that benefiting you?
[SPEAKER_00]: How does that benefit you?
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't understand.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I hate to say this, but I feel like that whole
[SPEAKER_00]: fucking cult of young girls in that like y'all know what I'm talking about that viral video where it's like a bunch of young girls is being like, yeah, I want to like work in the kitchen and have kids and like my husband supports me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're lazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're the biggest gamers of all time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're literally going
[SPEAKER_00]: How can I do the least amount of fucking work?
[SPEAKER_00]: How can I get a guy to choose me?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because y'all know how that shit is.
[SPEAKER_00]: They want them to marry young.
[SPEAKER_00]: They want them to have kids young.
[SPEAKER_00]: They want that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that is for the church or does not for the parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is like, that is gross scamming number one of all time to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I can't stand.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like every time one of those TikToks comes along, my page, I get like physically ill.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, how can we end this episode on like a little bit happier ever note?
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw a tickety talk that was celebrating the news about the declining for birth rates.
[SPEAKER_00]: And someone said like share in the comments below your reason for being child free.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought these were really great.
[SPEAKER_00]: The number one comment was I know I would be a good mom, but not a happy one.
[SPEAKER_00]: That shit cuts to my soul.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sorry, there.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the end of the day.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like exactly what I've been trying to say this entire episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you might have children continue the legacy, raise incredible human beings, but you might not be happy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this system is designed to make sure you aren't.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are no benefits.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are no villages.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are no setups for women to walk away from that experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: Happy besides the literal love that the child gives them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, I've heard it's great.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't get me wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've heard it's awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: But what if your kid doesn't even fucking like you?
[SPEAKER_00]: What if your kid gets sick?
[SPEAKER_00]: What if your kid is disabled and unable to even communicate?
[SPEAKER_00]: What if your kid is a fucking asshole?
[SPEAKER_00]: They grow up and they don't communicate with you anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are too many things that I also can't rely on the love of a child being enough for me to want to give up my existence and happiness in the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just don't see it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, this one made me laugh.
[SPEAKER_00]: The other comment was, I've never done anything or been anywhere and said, this would be better with kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's so true.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I've never been at the most iconic experience of my life, like the top of the Eiffel Tower or like deep sea diving in the crystal clear blue waters of Greece or like hanging with my besties in New York City and been like, you know what's missing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Some fucking kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: Where are those little shits?
[SPEAKER_00]: Get those screaming crying freaks over here.
[SPEAKER_00]: The next comment was from an actual mom.
[SPEAKER_00]: That said, I am incapable of regretting my kids, but I regret not fully understanding how horrible the world is that I brought them into.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think if I had understood how bad it truly is here, I wouldn't have forced them to be here too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, broke my heart a little.
[SPEAKER_00]: Next comment also sent me to the moon, because even in my wildest dreams,
[SPEAKER_00]: There are never children in them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Dude, because that is so crazy like when I am off daydreaming about the career and the like end all be all.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like me with my lovers and my dogs and fat stacks of cash traveling and like making movies.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that's what it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like connecting with other human beings.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's it's never involved the the child.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just hasn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: The next comment, when I see people with kids describing the perfect day and nine out of ten times, it does include their child.
[SPEAKER_00]: Felt that one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it is so fucking true.
[SPEAKER_00]: This person, I thought this was really, really real.
[SPEAKER_00]: This person said, when I am overstimulated, I mean, and they don't deserve that ever, I don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, they don't deserve that ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm overstimulated, I mean, they don't deserve that ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I didn't then, but I get the like, I'm not me when I'm hungry.
[SPEAKER_00]: Grab a snickers, you know, like I, I,
[SPEAKER_00]: Right now, if something pisses me off, I can throw my hands up in the air and go, I'm out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm out.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't do that with kids, it seems.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even a dog, you can create, you know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: This other comment was, everyone I know who has them says, I love them, but and then complains of misery for a long time, every single person.
[SPEAKER_00]: This one, watching my friends change when they had kids and seeing how exhausted they became.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like they lost their individuality.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a very valid point because they don't have the capacity to be this thing going on in front.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm totally understanding about like, I have fully accepted that.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just sucks to lose your front.
[SPEAKER_00]: And my restaurant even says like, you know, the struggle she's dealing with two kids under four.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, she says, like, this phase is just temporary.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, they're going to grow up.
[SPEAKER_00]: This phase is just temporary.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, yeah, but I don't even want to go through that phase.
[SPEAKER_00]: Call me selfish, but I don't even want to go through that fucking phase where I'm like silly temporary.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is only temporary.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, not having a quiet and clean home would end me big fucking facts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Big facts.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't think when this house is disorganized.
[SPEAKER_00]: The only parents, the only happy parents I know have generational wealth and or physical health from their parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have neither big facts.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think if you got money and you've got the emotional bandwidth and capabilities, go ahead and rock your socks off, but also maybe that money to do something good for the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: Beyond just bringing a kid into it, make sure the kids like solid and contributing to society.
[SPEAKER_00]: That would be sick.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, they're a little too permanent.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I got to deal with you every day until one of us dies.
[SPEAKER_00]: That one was so funny because people were like, oh, it's only eighteen years.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's not.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am still on my parents phone plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is cheaper for us to have a family plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: And thanks for having to add for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it is not only eighteen years, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: The way this economy's going, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: COVID people all move home, back with their parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is not just eighteen years trust me.
[SPEAKER_00]: This one, the idea of being pregnant makes my skin crawl.
[SPEAKER_00]: We discussed that in two episodes ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you need a refresher, go see that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Realizing no kids should be born just because I might regret it one day if I don't that was the quote I was trying to think of earlier and I think that that's big facts I liked that one I also like the quote about like if you're unsure even like ten percent like no kid should come into a world with parents that are not a hundred percent sure which I liked because it was
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing you had to be a hundred percent ready or like a hundred percent good at it but just being like this is a child that I want this world and that's what my dad said to me when I had the abortion he was like you should want you should bring hidden to this world when you want the child like that should be enough to get abortion is I just don't want a child that should be enough you should bring them into the world when they will grow up with parents that wanted them fuck it's the basic idea that drive it crazy
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, this one really was my favorite.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can leave my house at the drop of a dime for minutes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our stays doesn't matter.
[SPEAKER_00]: No thought has to be had.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like I even stressed out when I have to leave the kiddies for more than two weeks at a time if I'm like traveling internationally or something, I couldn't fathom children.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I have the kiddies on automatic water, feeder, litter.
[SPEAKER_00]: They roam the house.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's freely as they want to.
[SPEAKER_00]: They got balcony space.
[SPEAKER_00]: They'd be sunpigging all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm still like, but do they miss me?
[SPEAKER_00]: These motherfuckers, sixteen years old.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't give a fuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I come home, they're like, oh, she's back.
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, fill us, fill our tanks, will ya?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I can't imagine not being able to just say, like, fuck, I want to go visit Henny in the UK right now because I miss him and I want to go watch him play soccer.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that is a privilege that I do not take from command to eat.
[SPEAKER_00]: And part of me wonders if I should like go do that right now because who knows where I'll be in here?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I should be doing these things while I'm young and my bones all work and our cracking as loud as they could be.
[SPEAKER_00]: My favorite coming of all though was I like having money and sleep and that enough in itself is reason enough for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow, are you guys sweating?
[SPEAKER_00]: I sure am.
[SPEAKER_00]: That episode was a doozy, but I think it was important.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sound off in the comments below, are you child free?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you childless?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have child?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you mama, mama, Sita, of a human baby?
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you learn anything?
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I learned a lot of shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I love doing this podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're gonna have to read it for my cold god damn dead.
[SPEAKER_00]: And because I still love learning and sharing this information with you and guess what?
[SPEAKER_00]: If I had kids,
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't be able to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, we'll see you next week.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have a good night.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye.