[SPEAKER_00]: I would forget to pack their snacks, for example, in the diaper bag, and we'd go to the park, and they'd be hungry for a snack, and I'm like, oh, I didn't think to bring a snack, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would notice that other moms were really good at that, like they would have their little snack containers everywhere they went, and I'm like, dang, I wish I was better at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why, that's hard for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think through that far.
[SPEAKER_03]: Hello and welcome to the women and ADHD podcast.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm your host, Katie Weber.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of forty five and it completely turned my world upside down.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've been looking back at so much of my life, school, jobs, my relationships, all of it with this new lens and it has been nothing short of overwhelming.
[SPEAKER_03]: I quickly discovered I was not the only woman to have this experience, and now I interview other women who like me discovered in adulthood they have ADHD and are finally feeling like they understand who they are and how to best lean into their strengths, both professionally and personally.
[SPEAKER_03]: Hello and welcome back.
[SPEAKER_03]: It is so great to be returning with a brand new episode after a mini vacation.
[SPEAKER_03]: And before we get started, I'd love to share with you this review from Rachel in New Zealand.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's entitled Practical Plugged In and Positive.
[SPEAKER_03]: As a newbie to ADHD, this is an incredible resource that isn't overwhelming, but feels very fave pair of comfy slippers.
[SPEAKER_03]: The podcast has the perfect tone, inclusive, accessible, warm, friendly and very authentic.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's hot chocolate with marshmallows for the soul, if you're a woman and struggling on this journey.
[SPEAKER_03]: Validating and positive with lots of useful insights and a good dose of virtual hugs.
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you so much, Katie, and guests.
[SPEAKER_03]: Arawa Nui, I hope I pronounce that okay.
[SPEAKER_03]: It means big love in Maori.
[SPEAKER_03]: Rage in New Zealand.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, this review absolutely made my day, Rage shifts kiss, no notes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you so much and big love and virtual hugs to you too.
[SPEAKER_03]: By the way, if you have been listening to this podcast and you have also found these interviews to be helpful, the best way to pay it forward is to leave a review so that other women like you can find this podcast at these conversations.
[SPEAKER_03]: and know that they are not alone and they are not simply lazy or just oppressed or somehow broken, but they have ADHD.
[SPEAKER_03]: So please take a moment to head to Apple podcasts or audible, or you could leave feedback on individual episodes on Spotify.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if that feels like just too much right now and I totally get it, you can also just quickly hit those five stars.
[SPEAKER_03]: In fact, before you forget what you just pause right now and go do it, I promise we will all wait for you.
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, here we are at episode two hundred and one in which I interview Lindsay Buchanan.
[SPEAKER_03]: Lindsay is an ADHD and executive functioning coach based in Florida and she's also a member of our women and ADHD coaching team.
[SPEAKER_03]: Lindsay and I talk about the surprising way she got diagnosed.
[SPEAKER_03]: Spoiler alert her psychiatrist sister broke the news to her and the relief she felt after finally finding her people.
[SPEAKER_03]: We also talk about how self compassion has been such an important part of her journey as well as the vital role that exercise plays for ADHD brains.
[SPEAKER_03]: And we talk about how Lindsay has moved past some of her previous shame spirals as we call them around lateness and organization and how she now has made a career out of helping others to unwrap their gifts through ADHD coaching.
[SPEAKER_03]: I also spoke to Lindsay an episode two hundred of women in ADHD, where she shares more about her journey to coaching.
[SPEAKER_03]: So if you love this episode and you'd like to hear more from Lindsay, make sure to check out episode two hundred as well.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if you would like to work with Lindsay, you can head to women in ADHD.com slash Lindsay to book a free coaching consult.
[SPEAKER_03]: Again, that's women in ADHD.com slash Lindsay L-I-N-D-S-E-Y.
[SPEAKER_03]: And of course, you can find that link in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, without further ado, here is my conversation with Lindsay Buchanan.
[SPEAKER_03]: I Lindsay, welcome to I know this interview, it feels like it's been a long time coming, so I appreciate your patience, but also I'm super excited to finally sit down and get the whole story because I feel like I've gotten bits and pieces here and there throughout our conversations.
[SPEAKER_03]: So why don't we start at the beginning, start at the your diagnosis and what was happening in your life?
[SPEAKER_03]: at the time that you really started to put two and two together and think maybe this is ADHD.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for having me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to be here first.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to say.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm very honored to be on the podcast and I love your podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you for the work that you do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so I was diagnosed about like I'm guessing five years ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't keep track of like exact dates and numbers in my mind super like clearly, but I think it was about five or six years ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: And mine was kind of, I think, a little unique compared to some that I hear, where it wasn't that I was seeking out an ADHD diagnosis for myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: That led me to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: What led me to it was my sister.
[SPEAKER_00]: We live near each other and we spend a lot of time together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she was looking into ADHD because of
[SPEAKER_00]: She has young children and one of her children is a boy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she was just curious about some of his behavior.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was really different from what we had experienced growing up.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was just the two of us and our family, two girls.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so his behavior was curious to her.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she kind of looked into it.
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel the same way as a mom of a boy.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had brothers.
[SPEAKER_00]: What's happening?
[SPEAKER_00]: Long story short, she ended up realizing through her research that it was ADHD most likely.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's actually in the field of psychiatry.
[SPEAKER_00]: She is a psychiatrist, adult, she sees adult and children board certified.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, that was the first time she really dug a lot deeper into ADHD specifically because of her son.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when she was doing a research, she realized, oh my goodness,
[SPEAKER_00]: It's genetic and I think that she said to me, she called me and talked about the footage and said, I think I have it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think our dad has it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think you probably have it too, Lindsay.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she explained to me why and I was like, oh my gosh, I never would have thought of that on my own.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I probably would have it would have come around eventually.
[SPEAKER_00]: But when she pointed that out to me and explained her reasons why and then I started digging into it myself and doing all my own research, I was just blown away that yes, I did have a lot of the symptoms and
[SPEAKER_00]: It helped me understand myself so much better once I figured that out about myself and learned all about ADHD and what it was and got the diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I did get the diagnosis after I researched it for myself and confirmed that I really thought I had it too.
[SPEAKER_03]: Did she diagnose you or did you go to somebody else?
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, I have to go to somebody else.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, for like medical rules.
[SPEAKER_03]: What was it like when your sister first said that she thought you had it?
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I often talked about how my therapist suggested I had it over the years and I was kind of insulted.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was sort of like, do you really think I'm that much of a hot mess even though I had been complaining about being a hot mess to my therapist for years?
[SPEAKER_03]: But like my misconception was so great that I was I was a little bit insulted.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: What did you think when she said that to you?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think I was just surprised.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know a lot about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was just surprised.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think she probably, she's good about like framing stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, this is the first time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the way that she framed it for me, I actually was I moved pretty quickly from surprise to relieved because I think a lot of the questions I always had about my story and about why certain things were harder for me that I never understood and I just thought
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just me I guess I don't know I don't know why these things are hard and I always kind of felt like I didn't fit in with people like I would explain things and they'd give me this look like I don't know what you're talking about you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there was so many parts of my story in my life that kind of as soon as I started learning about it, all of a sudden I felt like I was introduced to all these people who were similar to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I, and I didn't know they were out there and I didn't know I was in that group.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it moved really quickly into relief for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think because it just quickly was like, oh my gosh, these are my people.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a name for this and it was fascinating for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she did steer me to podcast to listen to and stuff that probably helped.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, was that kind of started with women in ADHD type of information when I started learning about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think that helps.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'm always amazed at how the diagnosis and adulthood brings with it that much.
[SPEAKER_03]: I love how you said I was moved from, I moved from surprise to relieved
[SPEAKER_03]: It always amazes me how lonely it can feel before a diagnosis, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you said, like, maybe it's just me, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: But also feeling like a lot of the struggles we're having everybody struggles with.
[SPEAKER_03]: So you don't think of the struggles as being unique to you or unique to your brain, but you think of the failure as unique to you, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And like everybody struggles with this, but other people seem to be okay and I don't.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that part is lonely.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, no, we've got it switched.
[SPEAKER_03]: We've got it totally switched.
[SPEAKER_03]: But even growing up with your sister, I mean, I imagine you were both very similar.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if you were close growing up, but like, if you both sort of had a similar approach to thinking or to executive function or whatever, like it must have been harder to even identify it as ADHD because you were sort of like, well, this is how people are, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: This is how my family is.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was in the water that we swam and I think,
[SPEAKER_00]: I think, you know, I've heard it explained one time and it was really helpful for me that ADHD is a thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how to call it where you feel like nothing is abnormal about the way that you're thinking about things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you don't feel that you're, you have something and you need to figure out what it is necessarily until like enough
[SPEAKER_00]: things stack up in your life that make you go seek that out.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's more like everybody else isn't cooperating with the way that I'm doing everything, you know, it's not that like I intuitively feel like I'm doing things differently or I'm thinking about things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's interesting.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, good point too.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that's why it's like learning a whole new language after your diagnosis and learning to just even like you said, like, understand why you're even thinking differently, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Or what it is, like, there's so many things that I didn't even think of as a struggle until I was diagnosed.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I had that like gut punch.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, oh, yeah, like I really, really was struggling.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I don't even think I knew it.
[SPEAKER_03]: because you're too busy trading for water.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so you got your diagnosis and what are some of those things that come up for you when you look back over the course of your childhood or over the course of your life, motherhood, all of that, because your children got diagnosed then after you correct?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I actually haven't.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I have sought out the formal diagnosis from my older.
[SPEAKER_00]: My children are still young.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're eleven things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm working on it.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: I like you.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's the sort of the opposite, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: So many women are diagnosed after their kids.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: And for me, it was mostly, yeah, it was like, oh, okay, I've been diagnosed.
[SPEAKER_03]: Now I have to look at my kids and really think what's going on.
[SPEAKER_03]: But looking back over the course of your life, what are some of the things that stand out to you where you say, oh, yeah, the signs were clearly there all along.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: The thing that stood out that I'll just start with the big one that my sister pointed out when she first brought it to me was the difficulty to make a decision that I would have.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would circle on big questions that I had, for example, like I thought I wanted to change in my career path.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I figured that out like right when I started working,
[SPEAKER_00]: So it had been like fifteen years that have thought about different possibilities of different careers that I could do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would interview people, I would kind of pursue it a little bit, pursue the idea a little bit while working in my current career.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I would never decide all the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I would pull back.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I did that over and over over the course of fifteen years really.
[SPEAKER_00]: So she kind of pointed that out to me that like that circling and like the difficulty with actually choosing something and sticking to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was kind of explaining to me how she thinks like that I have a little more of the inintensive ADHD where
[SPEAKER_00]: I kind of get stuck in my head about things and like overthink them and have a hard time actually like.
[SPEAKER_00]: starting, like taking this step to start.
[SPEAKER_03]: That one small step, yeah, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm taking up my mind and deciding.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then like I have a little less of the impulsive type, whereas like with us in our relationship that you were pointing out, like it must have been interesting.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was you both have it, but grew up together, but we were also different, too, and that she has more of that impulsive side.
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's always been really good at starting things and like taking risks and
[SPEAKER_00]: putting yourself out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's better at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think she has a little more of that portion of it than I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's just interesting how we're also different.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's all slightly different and it comes out differently for each one of us.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just thought that was a big one for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's a big decision to think about for that long.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would struggle with why is this so hard for me to
[SPEAKER_00]: pick something else.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why can't I hear people talk about just changing their career and just quitting the job and starting a different job?
[SPEAKER_00]: Why is that so hard for me?
[SPEAKER_00]: That was one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then my learn about ADHD and about wanting to reduce the risk as much as possible to like I had some of that where I wanted to know I was going to succeed before I started something different.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of all those things that I've learned over my whole life to cope.
[SPEAKER_00]: that end up kind of they can hold you back to because then all of a sudden you're in this pattern of like you don't want to take too big of a risk because it might not succeed.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there is that but there's oh my gosh, just so much stuff as I look back over my life like I didn't struggle in school too much.
[SPEAKER_00]: I liked school.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I like learning love of learning is like one of my strengths and so
[SPEAKER_00]: I was fortunate in that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So school was okay, but really it was like for me like high school college college was really hard for me socially.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think that like socially emotional stuff was hard for me with other girls specifically.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like as soon as girls got mean in like middle school.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was so hard for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I was like that very nice person who believed everybody was nice.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody wanted to be friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like everybody would tell you the truth, you know, and so it was really hard to like navigate all the social relationships.
[SPEAKER_00]: high school college and I would always feel like I didn't really fit in, like with especially with groups of girls because of all the small talk and the interest that they would have
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt different.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, there's also like a lot of relational rules to among clicks of girls when you're younger.
[SPEAKER_03]: And you know, I think probably this is very common with ADHD, which is like not really understanding the rules, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And feeling like there was just, it was just easier to be around boys because they weren't like thinking about your tone or, you know, expectations.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like it just felt a lot simpler.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I imagine that's probably
[SPEAKER_03]: pretty common because of just having that difficulty with like relational language.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: But yeah, I totally relate to that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it took me a long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like socially to figure out who my people are and to find my good friends who I wanted to be friends with.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we had a lot in common, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so thankful.
[SPEAKER_00]: I finally figured that out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I was like,
[SPEAKER_00]: in my thirties or something when I started figuring that out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could be selective about this and not just hang out with everybody who invites me to.
[SPEAKER_00]: And try to be friends with everybody.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could be authentic and just find like one person.
[SPEAKER_00]: who I really enjoy hanging out with and focus on that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that was one of the things that always would confuse me until it wasn't until the pandemic that I realized I was actually an introvert.
[SPEAKER_03]: I always thought I was an extrovert because I was very like social and gregarious and outgoing and loved having conversations one on one with people, but it was in groups that I really, really struggled.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so that idea of like the group of friends
[SPEAKER_03]: was never something that I could manage or appeal to me.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I had, like, I loved all of these solo friendships that nope, you know, and they didn't really know each other.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I always felt like I was kind of managing them.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I always felt a lot of phomo and jealousy if those, you know, groups of females that would like go on vacations and stuff, or yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: But now I'm like, oh, no, it's really just a lot easier to focus on to have a conversation with one person.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks, then.
[SPEAKER_00]: You like to go deeper in like this, the authentic.
[SPEAKER_00]: but are here down.
[SPEAKER_00]: The other thing I was gonna say is like just with work and just in general, like the time blindness stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I would run late to everything basically.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would always cut it like to the why to the minute, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's very common.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it also adds like a level of excitement to your everyday life when it's mundane to be like, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I have to like, race the clock to see if I'm gonna make it to my appointment on time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was injecting adrenaline and throughout my day.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was doing that the other day with the fridge ding.
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes I like leave the door open on the fridge and I try to do what I need to do with whatever food and try to get it back in the fridge before it ding.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I was like, oh no, the door made the ding sound like lost.
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, I've lost what?
[SPEAKER_02]: What am I even doing?
[SPEAKER_02]: I was just had to laugh.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, funny ones you learn about it, but when you don't know about it, you're like, oh my gosh, so I would have a lot of shame around running late to staff because I felt like I would get messaging back of like, it was a perception thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the other people from the receiving end of that, like, for example, coworkers, I don't even know if it was everybody.
[SPEAKER_00]: Usually it'd be like one person would say something, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And it would be like a very big moral character failure if you had not realized you should have planned that better, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was a big one for me that when I learned about that and I was able to realize like, oh, that's how my brain works and I'm still learning like to release the shame when that happens because it still does happen sometimes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting better, like I have more supports in place now for myself to not cut it so close all the time, but I'll still do it sometimes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I do it and there's like a negative consequence
[SPEAKER_00]: I at least can catch it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I feel the wave of shame coming over me and I feel really upset and really exposed, but then I will be able to talk to myself and say, Lindsay, like, you did your best.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's your brain wiring that makes that hard, you know that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm giving myself compassion and like grace around that instead of just totally like becoming overwhelmed and shame for the fact that that happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll do that with appointments too sometimes like I'll forget about an appointment or not put it on my calendar correctly like a doctor appointment for example.
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes I'll have to pay.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'll say, well, that's the ADHD tax, because I've heard people explain that that way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, that's really good.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a really good way.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that's not positive, but at least I'm not saying, like, at least I'm not beating myself up now and saying, geez, why would you do that?
[SPEAKER_00]: And see, you should be more responsible by now.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think so many of these traits, because I struggle with those two, still, it's not like I magically fixed after my diagnosis or even after years of coaching and educating myself.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like I try, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: But obviously there's gonna be things that happen, and like you said, you know, just having that compassion with yourself and having that grace with yourself, because it is looked at as a character flaw, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that was one of the things I think with so many of us struggle with being late or for being forgetful, it's like,
[SPEAKER_03]: people assume you don't care and the or that you are careless and and I think for so many of us before diagnosis it's like that confusion of like do I not care like am I careless like I'm really feeling like gosh I worked so hard to care and to show I care and I'm actually quite
[SPEAKER_03]: a compassionate hardworking person but it never actually looking that way on the outside and that disconnect I think is where that shame really dwells and so like you said like I love the fact that you like you literally just have to talk to yourself and be like this is it's okay to make mistakes it's like the older we get the harder we try or the harder we are on ourselves when we continually make these same errors over and over again not really understanding what they are
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's so true.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I realized, like, I've done a lot of work on myself with my, like, trying to have self better self compassion so that, like, I've learned some tools that I use when that kind of thing happens now.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'll, like, pause and talk.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will talk out loud to myself when I feel, I mean, you can, it's totally physical.
[SPEAKER_00]: This type of thing that I'm talking about when you miss the bus and it's already left.
[SPEAKER_00]: The person gives you attitude about the fact that you missed it.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a huge wave of feeling that comes over me.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can very quickly feel that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel it still, but then I'll pause and talk to myself and say, you tried really hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I talked to myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I tried to talk to myself the way I would talk to a friend.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was just going to say I found like it's like repairing a lot of the way right where I'm like one of the most important parts of parenting is repair right it's you you're going to yell you're going to lose your temper you're going to do things you regret with in parenting at least I certainly have done
[SPEAKER_03]: But like the most important part is to repair that relationship, apologize, acknowledge, validate, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And so we're just instead of doing that to our kids, we're doing that for ourselves in these moments.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, yeah, it's going to happen.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's always going to happen.
[SPEAKER_03]: But like, how am I going to respond?
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that is the most important takeaway.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's huge.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm thankful for that learning that and that's what like having the diagnosis has helped me get to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't imagine if I didn't have it and I was still just not knowing why I did that.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was the best thing about getting this diagnosis is that then I could understand why that was hard for me and just understanding and having a name is so important I feel like.
[SPEAKER_00]: So then go forward.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then another thing I thought about with this with what were those things that I looked back and thought, oh, okay, was exercise.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have always loved exercise and movement.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't like sitting still day.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was one of the things that was hard about me when I first started in my career was that it was a office, sitting at a computer from eight to five is the standard.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's very long time to sit still and focus and work.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is part of my ADHD that I like to move.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need movement of my body throughout the day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need it to be able to focus.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need breaks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to get up and move around.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also need exercise every day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I used to feel guilty about that that I felt like I needed it so much.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was going to say like guilty toward whom your family or just the time you took for yourself or is it wild?
[SPEAKER_00]: When I had her, they were babies.
[SPEAKER_03]: Ah, yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would feel like
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to get my workout.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like life or death.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if it wasn't happening for some reason, and I would say to my husband, like, I have to workout.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it would get kind of dire as the day will come.
[SPEAKER_03]: Good for you, though, seriously.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, that is, that is some serious, like, new mom self-care that I think, you know, like, good for you, even if it felt compulsive.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I think so many of us, especially when the babies are little, just have that visceral, like, I have to always be there.
[SPEAKER_03]: I want, like, your life is not your own anymore.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think it's so important to take that time for yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so I had those competing messages in my mind of like I should always be there and I should not feel like I need to leave.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so when I learned about ADHD and I heard somebody get interviewed who talked about how much they loved exercise and that they would they loved running and they would do it every day and like
[SPEAKER_00]: that they just used that so much as a tool for themselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, that is what I have been doing all these years.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have used that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so thankful our parents just so happened to raise us to appreciate exercise like they exercised.
[SPEAKER_00]: which is a miracle when we were growing up that we had that modeled.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did feel like that was a normal part of life that it was normal to exercise regularly and I had that in my routine.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that probably was the thing that one of the things that helped me survive the most up until I got the diagnosis and was able to put more things in place to help myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was one that I always had.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I used to feel guilty about it, like I said.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I learned about ADHD and I realized like, oh, that's really actually healthy.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a healthy support tool.
[SPEAKER_00]: And totally understandable.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have just leaned into it now.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, yep, I don't feel bad now that I want to exercise every day.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not me.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have no choice.
[SPEAKER_03]: I need it.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I used to feel also bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I would want to walk around and do stuff sometimes during the work time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I used to feel bad about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, I should only sit here and work during work time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had like strict limits on things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I learned about ADHD, I was able to realize it's okay to do things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like I got permission for myself to do things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I decided it's okay to work for twenty five minutes and take a five minute break where you walk around and move your body and then go back to work for another twenty five minute.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had never had that explain to me before that that's a bottle you can use.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't know about it, really, until I got the diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, this is a conversation I have a lot with my kids around ADHD is an explanation not an excuse, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Because sometimes my kids think that I'm too hard on them about certain things where they're like, you should be more understanding.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have ADHD.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to be able to do this.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[SPEAKER_03]: Having ADHD doesn't mean you can't
[SPEAKER_03]: Focus, it doesn't mean you can't do something, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just, it's what support tools do need to get there and understanding that you're going to maybe take a different approach, but it's not, it's not an immediate excuse.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm trying to think of a better word, but like it's not an immediate right off where it's like, oh, sorry, I have ADHD, so my room's going to be a mess, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's going to be, that's just a,
[SPEAKER_03]: one that's a particular source bottom our home, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: But again, it's like, you know, sometimes it feels like I get into that argument all the time with my children about like, am I being too hard on them?
[SPEAKER_03]: And should I be more accepting of their ADHD?
[SPEAKER_03]: Or is it really about like, let's get to the root of what?
[SPEAKER_03]: support you need and what tools and structure you need.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so like you were saying with exercise like, I think most elite athletes probably have ADHD.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think a lot of them do and you see that when they stop, you know, if they get injured or if they retire, they don't have that outlet anymore.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that's where a lot of that anxiety and depression and on we and Malays and what is my life purpose starts to come into play because it's like,
[SPEAKER_03]: It's so incredibly helpful for an ADHD brain.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm guessing like your parents probably threw you into sports or some kind of activities just to get you to calm down.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think so too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I was a little hyper when I was younger.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, but even like one of the things I've thought about with hyperactivity recently, because even with looking at like the difference between girls and boys and why our idea of what ADHD looks like so often is that little boy symptom.
[SPEAKER_03]: And the idea of hyperactivity, it's all about the interpretation of what is hyperactivity because I think it can be physical, but it also manifests if you're not moving around
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, you just start spinning inside and it manifests as anxious thoughts and in attentiveness, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And so it's like I was gilly const book that's actually coming out very soon.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'll put a link to it in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_03]: She talks about the emotional elements of ADHD and women.
[SPEAKER_03]: She talks about hyperactivity like it's like this energy that
[SPEAKER_03]: has to be used.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if it's not used up physically, it then manifests and needs to be used up mentally.
[SPEAKER_03]: And you start to have those mental tornadoes.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's always how I think about it now.
[SPEAKER_03]: When I'm having anxious spinning thoughts, my first thought now is, all right, I gotta go, I gotta move, like I gotta move this energy out of my body.
[SPEAKER_03]: I guess that way of describing it as an energy that needs to be expanded.
[SPEAKER_03]: I thought it was really helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: really powerful.
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree with that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think Dr. Hollowell has some good talks about that, too, for with women and ADHD and how it can be, it looks different in girls and women, the hyperactivity component.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I like that the energy idea, how it's like, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: when I start to feel that, like, ruminating starting to happen or that, like, for me, I'll start to feel like discontent about things, like, oh, you know, I need to change this or I need to get out of this.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times that's how I can tell I'm starting to start to ruminate and that's one of those mental, like, energy storm type of thing is coming in.
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, and it's like maybe I don't need deep breathing right now.
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe I just need to get out and go for a really like brisk walk.
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, totally.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a big component.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I wonder how that one fits into because it's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is, but I've read that too that it is good for if you can combine exercise with being outside, it's like magic.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, right.
[SPEAKER_03]: When I tore my MCL earlier this year and I was like stuck on the couch.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was just I was like fascinated almost from like a scientific perspective how quickly my mental health started deteriorating when I wasn't able to like get up and move around.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, Oh, wow, these are really, really connected.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's a really deep connection happening there.
[SPEAKER_03]: But at the same time, at least I wasn't like, I felt like it was very helpful to have that information, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like to say like, oh, okay, now I understand what's going on.
[SPEAKER_03]: Whereas another time in my life, I probably would have just felt terrible.
[SPEAKER_03]: Just been like, I don't know, it's just me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe I'm just a terrible wife and mother.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, a lot of the things that have stood out to me that were things that were hard that I didn't understand about myself until I got the ADHD diagnosis are those
[SPEAKER_00]: types of things that are like expected of us as women in the roles that we have.
[SPEAKER_00]: So like as I'm thinking through it all, I'm like, well, there's a huge thread here of like the typical, this is what a woman should be able to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of my symptoms that I didn't understand about myself are related to that.
[SPEAKER_00]: because when I remember, like, especially once I had kids, a lot, I would feel that a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would forget to pack their snacks, for example, in the diaper bag and we'd go to the park and they'd be hungry for a snack and I'm like, oh, I didn't think to bring a snack, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would notice that other moms were really good at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they would have their little snack containers everywhere they went.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, dang, I wish I was better at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's hard for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think through that far.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then also like dinner prep.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have always struggled with dinner prep.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that time of the day and just that I don't want to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd rather be outside with the kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be in the kitchen and cooking.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't like cooking that much.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it feels stressful to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I would describe that to other mom friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's when I would feel like I would get that look like like we don't really get what you're talking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not that hard.
[SPEAKER_03]: But this is your purpose in life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that hard.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, or the yes, it's not that hard luck.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I get that my husband loves to cook because I think for him it's like a way to escape.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so we always had an agreement from when the kids were really little that I was like, I will take the children because I hate cooking and you do the cooking as a way to like provide for us, but also not having to be present with us.
[SPEAKER_03]: that it would like worked really well because I think for him it turned into like an escape like a way to unwind at the end of the day which was really nice for him but like you said for me there was too much chaos there's too much going on there were too many instructions to follow so I always missed one and then I would screw something up and then I would forget an ingredient and then I just you know it just felt like there was way too much I still don't really love cooking
[SPEAKER_03]: I do like cooking kits.
[SPEAKER_03]: Those are, I find very helpful, but otherwise I would much rather just, my husband just took that part over, thankfully.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, luckily.
[SPEAKER_03]: How, if I may, how was your, was your spouse's reaction to all of this like, hey, by the way, we all have eight.
[SPEAKER_03]: My sister, my family, was he on board?
[SPEAKER_03]: Was he sort of like, I don't know what you're talking about?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean luckily he's been supportive of it all.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that would be really hard if you like if he had doubted me or something about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Luckily he was very receptive and like trust me about myself and what I think I have and when I pursued it and all that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now he was like
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm going to dive in and learn all about ADHD with you.
[SPEAKER_02]: I thought it was to say with pregnancy too, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: I read a hundred books while I was pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a whole story.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could go into about that that I dragged him along to, but I won't do that right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll get off.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so like I feel like we have a good year in Yang or like a good, you know, agreement of that he's supportive.
[SPEAKER_00]: He was supportive of it and but I'm you know, I'm the one who pursued it and researched it and did all the things to to get the diagnosis and and I tell him everything that I'm learning so
[SPEAKER_00]: He gets the information from me.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's one of those people that's kind of like very even killed and not very like big swings emotionally or anything.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think though that it's been helpful to him too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say over the years as I've kind of slowly educated him about it in my own way.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm hoping that it's helped him to understand me better and to understand things that I'm guessing would have been confusing to him about our relationship.
[SPEAKER_00]: Things I would do that may be other wives that he sees don't do.
[SPEAKER_00]: The cooking example, maybe he wondered why I didn't like to cook.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when I was able to explain ADHD and how this affects my brain, I think it's helped him understand me better.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's good.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think there's a lot of layers there too, because I think it's not only as it complicated in terms of the executive functioning side, but then there's the shame side, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And so like my husband, I think often he was also along for the ride and would here and still like has to listen to me talk about it endlessly and supports it, but would never actually do independent research.
[SPEAKER_03]: But he doesn't need to at this point.
[SPEAKER_03]: But like I think it was he never really understood why I would feel so much shame around things too.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's where I think as a woman it can be very, so much more complicated because so much of it falls into our roles like he said as wives and mothers.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so like if
[SPEAKER_03]: The example you gave of going to the playground without food, he did that all the time, but he just didn't feel shame about it.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think, like, so much of it is that load that we put on ourselves, which is like, this says so much about what kind of a person I am.
[SPEAKER_03]: Whereas, you know, my husband, I don't know if it's because he's a male and he's, you know, he was socialized to just never feel bad about himself.
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, that's a white male, but like, you know, is that idea?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like he wouldn't think of that as a character flawed necessarily.
[SPEAKER_03]: He would just be like, yeah, I forgot the food.
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, well, sucks for them.
[SPEAKER_03]: Good thing they have their mom, but like, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: But if the same thing were to happen to me, there's just so much more baggage around a lot of that stuff.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I found that really hard to articulate the beginning.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think where he was sort of like, there's nothing wrong with you.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, what do you talk about?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like this was, you know, there's all these things that I struggle with.
[SPEAKER_03]: And he was like, all right.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think in some ways, the conversation around ADHD helped me understand that I was actually like a really great mom and partner and wasn't paying attention to that.
[SPEAKER_03]: But seeing it through his eyes almost that confusion has been helpful.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think in a lot of ways.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm lucky.
[SPEAKER_03]: Obviously, I think like he said, not everybody has a supportive partner when it comes to the diagnosis or at least a curious one who's sort of like, oh, okay, interesting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm trying to learn more and more as I've gotten older and as I've been working on, you know, juggling all the things that we do with jobs and caretaking of children and things like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: to ask for help more basically from my husband, but I think it doesn't have to be that be our partner if they're not as supportive.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I see I watch what other people do and I see other women managing their ADHD really well when they're.
[SPEAKER_00]: delegating a lot to other people too like just thinking outside the box and like how could I make this easier for myself if I don't have I don't need to be doing all of this in this one way you know like there's so many other ways that this could be done for example like cooking breakfast for the kids in the morning before school if that's all stressful feeling and you're like rushing to also go to work and it's hard but your spouse can't help you with that like
[SPEAKER_00]: Can I use paper plates instead of the glass plates so that I could just throw it all away at the end instead of having to clean dishes or having dishes stacked up in the kitchen that are going to be waiting for later, you know, so I feel like a lot of it's a game of like
[SPEAKER_00]: thinking outside the box of how else could we be doing all these things.
[SPEAKER_03]: But also simultaneously challenging a lot of those inner thoughts about, oh, you're being terrible to the environment when you're using paper plates and like always having to wave the pros and cons in the moment, which I think is also exhausting.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like I think like even this idea, like what if I asked for help before I was struggling?
[SPEAKER_03]: But my immediate reaction to that is, oh, don't be selfish, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And so it's like that internalized voice that we carry with us about like, no, we should be, we should have exhausted all options that of like the moral righteousness, you know, that exists there in terms of asking for help.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's something that we carry with us a lot.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, why would an I asked for help?
[SPEAKER_03]: Now my favorite question is, who can I get to do this for me?
[SPEAKER_03]: because I don't want to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Once you start figuring out that works, it's like, oh my gosh.
[SPEAKER_00]: What else can I do this with?
[SPEAKER_03]: I think back to society even a generation or so ago where women stayed with their parents, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Or like we lived closer to our relatives and there was much more of a communal, you know, it takes a village type of scenario.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think we've moved away from that in the last couple generations.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like when you were talking, I was reminded of my husband's aunt was asking me once
[SPEAKER_03]: when my daughter was a baby.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I obviously was not diagnosed at this point, but she was like, so how's it going?
[SPEAKER_03]: How's mom life?
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, it's really hard.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it just like tumbled out of me because I probably had had no sleep.
[SPEAKER_03]: She's not the kind of person I should have been vulnerable around because she was sort of like, huh?
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't remember it being hard.
[SPEAKER_03]: I remember that being like a really easy time and I was like, like, just like my heart sank because I felt so invalidated but also like, you know, they lived in a very close-knit community on Lang Island and they all lived within a block of each other and they had so much help.
[SPEAKER_03]: So it was built into their relationships in a way like you said, if your husband's working or, you know, you can't immediately
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you don't have to hire somebody.
[SPEAKER_03]: The health is always there before you are having to even ask for it.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that that's was, I feel like that's slowly being, you know, sacked out of the way in which we live our lives as, as families in this country.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's why I keep telling my kids now.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, I am bringing back collectivist culture single-handedly.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm gonna live with you and I'm gonna help you with your kids and you're gonna help me.
[SPEAKER_03]: None of this moving to the other side of the country stuff.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm sorry.
[SPEAKER_03]: It just does not work.
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, late those messages in now before they get older.
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me go and train you up for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think too like we can do that in other creative ways to like I have a girlfriend who's really good about living in that communal way basically like asking for help with something if she needs it and then it's amazing when when a friend asks you for help.
[SPEAKER_00]: how that kind of like deepens the friendship because then you feel like, okay, it feels good to be able to help somebody else and then I can ask them for help the next time I need help.
[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of just changes the dynamic.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm trying to learn that like it's okay to ask a good friend for something that you think they could help you with and then you can get this new system where you're like supporting each other.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's one of the things I always talk about with clients when it comes to asking for help, even with their spouse, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Where I'm like, you know, husbands, when you have young kids, like husbands feel really empowered when you leave them alone with the kids to make their own choices and you don't give them this whole list of do this and then do that and do this and then like you think you're being helpful.
[SPEAKER_03]: But what you're actually doing is being controlling, you know, and so with a friend, it's like, it's a gift to allow them to help you.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if we looked at it more like that as opposed to a burden, it has that like mutually beneficial element to it.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I'm like, no, you need to just leave the house, turn yourself on off, and your husband needs to figure it out.
[SPEAKER_03]: He'll feel so good about himself when you come.
[SPEAKER_03]: He'll feel so like, what's the word, like, Victoria's when you come home and he figured out whatever he needed to figure out.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's my advice to my younger self.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really good.
[SPEAKER_00]: That took me a long time to learn to.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember coming back and being like, oh my gosh, like they would all be so happy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I can't believe I thought I couldn't do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but you have to learn.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it's, yeah, it's, but you think you're, you think you're helping everybody out by doing as much as possible and then giving them kind of the drugs of what you couldn't carry and really it's the opposite.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, no, no, no, you want to offload as much as possible.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's your gift to the other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone better.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
[SPEAKER_03]: everybody's that would mom's happy everybody's happy yeah exactly um all right i can't believe see this is what happens so which i've like i have it even asked you about coaching okay well if you want to hear more about how Lindsay ended up as an ADHD coach listen to episode two hundred because we talk a lot about that but um
[SPEAKER_03]: What is it, I guess, you know, that when you did get into ADHD coaching, what are some of those things you love to work on with your clients?
[SPEAKER_03]: You had some really good tips and tricks already that you were just talking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think I love helping them figure out like that better, a better balance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when there's a certain area that's kind of off balance in life, whether it's like taking care of ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: with our physical fitness or our health or the job, like having some kind of better boundaries to help the job not be so demanding of our time or of our whatever it is, our psyche, like that we're thinking about it all the time, finding the better balance to be able to bring the job back into the right proportion.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love helping with things like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to think of the word for it like that integration.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the word.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love helping people like better integrate who they are and like all those different areas of life into good balances so that it's all
[SPEAKER_00]: integrated as much as possible it's never perfect but it's like okay this piece is getting too big let's get it back a little more down to the right the size that you want it to be so that you feel like you're the whole pie is working well for you that's that's one of my favorite things I think when that starts to happen and you can see as a client's coming back and they're like doing the steps in between the times to
[SPEAKER_00]: do that for themselves and then I can see a lot of times they're increased in satisfaction with how their life is going because they're making those changes and they're getting things into the right positions.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're like cool.
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, do you use like a satisfaction wheel with your clients?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, you keep doing the wheel.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, all right, I know I learned about the wheel from like integrated nutrition element, but yeah, it's super helpful.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've never thought about like quantifying satisfaction like that.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's so important to check in about that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that you do that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think in general with ADHD, we don't spend a lot of time looking over our shoulder at how far we've come.
[SPEAKER_03]: We're always looking forward at like what still needs to be fixed or tackled, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I love that idea of like intentionally taking a moment and just saying like, all right, let's look at our satisfaction levels and then compare them to where we were.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then see if there's just one that you can make like one movement and you know a small movement toward the direction that you want to go and it's amazing how just like recognizing it and then just one small thing in that direction can just feel so empowering I feel like in like lead to the momentum to keep everything going in a better direction.
[SPEAKER_00]: So
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Another thing I really, really love that was like amazing for me to learn when I went through coaching training is values work, like learning about what are my values as a person and then being able to use that as a grid to make decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was so enlightening for me to learn for myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's because of how hard it is for me to make decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: that I found that tool so helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I really love being able to share that with any clients who also I can see like there's a lot of times like underlying stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: There may not be awareness of what the values are and like specifically and how they rank against each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so a lot of times like what I noticed is when I would feel a lot of stress internally about a decision I made, what I realized after I did the values exercise is that would happen when something was conflicting with one of my top values.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't realize it because I didn't know what my values were.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had never named them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know you could do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So once I learned them, I was like, oh, that's why I would feel so stressy about this decision.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it was little things, but it would be like constant decisions you're having to make for your family and stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the ones that would stress me out would be the ones a lot of times that were bumping up against my top values.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so once I knew that I was like, oh, well, is this more important than this top value of mine, a lot of times it wouldn't be.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I could say no, that thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: but without all that awareness, I didn't know that was what was happening in my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I love being able to share that with other people.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that is a really helpful tool.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, especially even just like we were talking about with the baggage that comes with some of these things as a woman and as a mother and as a wife, where it's like, okay, this is like your values are dictating whether you feel shame about a behavior that somebody else might be like, yeah, whatever.
[SPEAKER_03]: take that with you like a brick wherever you go.
[SPEAKER_03]: So yeah, but even like you said, like, even articulating what your values are is another step that I think a lot of people just sort of assume everybody knows.
[SPEAKER_03]: And even if you have figured out your values, you still have to remember what they are in the moment.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so it's like just, yes, sometimes you have to take those self tests over and over and over again.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, those are probably the top ones.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really just like, I really like anything that my clients bring to me, just being able to hold the space for them to feel like they have support.
[SPEAKER_00]: to be able to share whatever it is that's on their mind for that day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think that's so powerful for us in the ADHD community because a lot of us have many of us have been through our whole life without even knowing we had this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so to be able to come, like talk to somebody else who understands ADHD and who can listen well, that in and of itself is really healing that process.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I really love that just being able to create that space for somebody.
[SPEAKER_00]: One appointment at a time.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I think I just was thinking of how many women I've met who would come to me either for coaching or group coaching or one of the other scenarios where it was like, okay, I got this diagnosis now like let's fix me and figure out like how I can be the person I used to be and it was like, well, there's actually you don't need to be fixed.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, let's lose that first.
[SPEAKER_03]: But watching that evolution of ADHD going from a disorder that you're diagnosed with to kind of being this essence of your personality, that is this wonderful thing of that you can actually embrace about you.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think is always a wonderful evolution that, I hope most of us go through.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, if we, if you didn't have to go through that, that's awesome.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I think for most of us there was sort of that,
[SPEAKER_03]: reframing over of like, oh God, this is says all the things that are wrong with me and now I'm like, no, this is also all the things that are right with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, also let people love about me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there anything that you would say that you love most about your ADHD and you know, I think what I love most about it is
[SPEAKER_00]: My empathy I'm gonna say because I have learned that like a lot of us with ADHD brain wiring are a lot of times like higher on the empathy side and I do feel like I have really high empathy and I'm thankful for that because I like listening and getting to know people went on one especially
[SPEAKER_00]: I like being able to hear somebody else's story and like think about what life is like from their perspective and I like being able to support people one on one and so I think that empathy is really a good I'm thankful for that quality because I feel like it helps me to just have richer relationships in my life and appreciate those relationships a lot and
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps me in a lot of areas.
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I think it helps me with all the areas of life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, it's like anything else.
[SPEAKER_00]: It always has an underside.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can go too far.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's more to learn how to rain that in.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not be like over.
[SPEAKER_00]: Over dependent on how everybody else feels, but like not absorb everybody's emotions.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think it has served me very well with just my career and my just relationships, friendships, family, parenting.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love children, period.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're so funny until listen to the things that they say.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love how straightforward they are.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's no trying to figure out what they think about something they tell you, point blank.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I really love that about them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm busy helps with kids too because they can sense like if you really care about what they're saying or if you're kind of checked out and just like go into the motions.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it helps me do that.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, and I'm sure it helps you be a fantastic coach.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I mean, I think that's also like such a wonderful part of an adult diagnosis to is that ability to turn around and
[SPEAKER_03]: help others and do this wonderful job that you're now doing instead of sitting at a desk eight to five.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very happy to make self-violet.
[SPEAKER_03]: Doctor, there's anything wrong with that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I hope that there are people who will enjoy that.
[SPEAKER_03]: But yeah, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Being able to find a career that is more suited to what lights you up, I think is also so wonderful.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for saying that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I agree.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that is what makes me enjoy coaching for sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you get to use this strength that you have and put us in good work.
[SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And also like it just feels great.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it does everything about it.
[SPEAKER_03]: So
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, thank you for sitting down with me and sharing your story.
[SPEAKER_03]: I know, you know, we've talked about in episode two hundred and also on our website newsletter, you Lindsay's part of the women and ADHD coaching team.
[SPEAKER_03]: So you can find out more about Lindsay at women in ADHD.com slash Lindsay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we think we're having me.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is really an honor and a pleasure to get to see you.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've always said my favorite episodes are the ones where listeners give back, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And are sort of like, have said that they have loved the podcast or learned from the podcast or some way that if it is, and then can turn around and help others with their story.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think it's amazing.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just a secondinal element, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You're fostering your community.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Is this giant virtual golden girls that we're creating here?
[SPEAKER_00]: That we got to love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm in.
[SPEAKER_03]: There you have it!
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you for listening and I really hope you enjoyed this episode of the women and ADHD podcast.
[SPEAKER_03]: If you'd like to find out more about me and my coaching programs, head over to women and ADHD.com.
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you'd like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit women and ADHD.com slash podcast guest and you can find that link in the episode showdowns.
[SPEAKER_03]: Also, you know we ADHD are great feedback.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I would really appreciate hearing from you, the listener.
[SPEAKER_03]: Please take a moment to leave me a review on Apple Podcasts or audible.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if that feels like too much and I totally get it, please just take a few seconds right now to give me a five-star rating.
[SPEAKER_03]: Or share this episode on your own social media to help reach more women who maybe have yet to discover and lean into this gift of neurodivergency.
[SPEAKER_03]: And they may be struggling and they don't even know why.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'll see you next time when I interview another amazing woman who discovered she's not lazy or crazy or broken but she has ADHD and she's now on the path to understanding her neurodivergent mind and finally using this gift to her advantage.
[SPEAKER_03]: Take care until then!