[SPEAKER_01]: confident Lance Garra the Puggets are absolutely sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't know everything.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am your host, Skeleton the Motha Puggets in there and y'all.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like this is the most confident Lance Garra title slash episode that there ever was.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's giving our base core value.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's giving everything we stand for.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's giving if the wrong side of the internet sees this episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to get a lot of hate and that's
[SPEAKER_01]: fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're here to explore.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're here to be curious.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're here to ask the questions about things that everyone else is thinking.
[SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of my topic about today is stuff that I've been seeing like discourse on the internet.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I know it's a topic of conversation.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just here to echo it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I support it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's see where y'all stand.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, but first things first.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I was keeping.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so excited because I got interviewed by the Wall Street Journal this week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whether or not I'm going to be in this story, I have no idea, but they reached out because they saw me in Freddy Tyler Paul's collab.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm holding up this feature right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't talk to me until I've had my Lex Rowley-stice coffee.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because y'all know, I've been done said forever that I am a Lex Row girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the writer journalist was doing a piece on kind of how people are owning it now more than ever.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to remember how many years ago has it been years and years and years.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like eight, maybe that I launched anxiety queen merch and I got a viscerated, like fifty percent of the people coming to comment were coming to comment about how I was profiting off mental illness.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not something to joke about.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not something to make fashion.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I knew any of those people that were commenting have literally never dealt with this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, none of your own medication in it shows.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the people that were and got it were like, thank you for making this something to not be ashamed of.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for the transparency.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for letting me feel like this thing that I used to be ashamed of or afraid of isn't all of me and it's not something that
[SPEAKER_01]: can like says represent all of who I am like it's just a piece of me and I don't have to be afraid of it or ashamed of it and like I can be an anxiety queen and that's okay and that's what I tried to focus on when I released all of those like the OGs know if you know you know and I still have some of those by the way
[SPEAKER_01]: box of them that I got for like going on tours and stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and so like this version, this don't talk to me till I've had alex for Lisa's coffee.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I just feel like this is the next version of that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it's a little cheeky.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a little stuff for reference.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a little bit like
[SPEAKER_01]: It's self-aware as fuck.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the writer was saying how she was doing this piece because she had heard Alex Earl talk about being on Lexa Pro and struggling with her mental health and how Lexa Pro baddies are all over the internet and it's like a hashtag, et cetera, et cetera.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was trying to make sure, like,
[SPEAKER_01]: In these interviews, you try to be as open and authentic as possible, but I'm also, I can't help but be media trained after doing this for fifteen years that I'm just like, what's the angle here?
[SPEAKER_01]: Is this like, are we actually supporting it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Or are we kind of making fun of it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Or are we trying to like get sound bites that are going to make us sound unhinged?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I just felt like I was way more guarded than that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I've been before, just because I was like,
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have any control over this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to try my very best to answer in a way that I wouldn't just be sitting talking about like with my besties.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to try and be open like I'm talking to a bestie, but I couldn't help but just feel a little bit guarded and like wanting to protect.
[SPEAKER_01]: us that are part of this anxiety ridden, lexaprobatty generation.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I just wanted to make sure that the writer understood like I don't think it's a trend.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think it's something to like profit off of.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's generally something that is important for people to be honest and open about and I've only gotten better and connected with millions of people and
[SPEAKER_01]: genuinely felt better about my life, and I know other people have felt better about theirs because we're able to talk openly about this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: So all of that to say, that's the longest housekeeping, but you can still get your Kelsey D. Freddie Tyler, Paul, Merchcollab about, like, sort of a nice coffee, like, have it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Enjoy it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can get it at Freddie Tyler Paul's website right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let's get into the episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no easy way to say that.
[SPEAKER_01]: This, let me just, let me, let me hydrate.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't we all hydrate.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you've got a drink or coffee or something nearby, have a sip.
[SPEAKER_01]: This episode I was gonna say our men right for you is men allowable.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do we want to men anymore?
[SPEAKER_01]: Our men okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: We know the answer to that.
[SPEAKER_01]: This episode is a little bit more of a deep dive at what divide is happening between liberal
[SPEAKER_01]: news aware women and men on the other side.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think there's a lot of content right now being made about guys were doing performative feminism, performative soft boy carrying around their rocks and gay books.
[SPEAKER_01]: They drink much, they're very soft boy tons of sticker tattoos and like yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know all those guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: They live in Los Angeles.
[SPEAKER_01]: But there's also like the opposite side of this spectrum, which is the insult, the guy in the basement in America.
[SPEAKER_01]: We obviously have a huge problem with like shooters that hey women that hate people, manifestos like just want to cause pain and destruction in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm finding this interesting conversation about women who are softly saying they're kind of done with men.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't even mean in like a gay way.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wish everyone was a little bit by like me and just be able to you know, pick and choose their feminine or masculine energies based on how they feel.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, we might get a Leo appearance.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm shooting this really late on a Sunday.
[SPEAKER_01]: So Leo's out because hippos asleep because they hate each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to come cuddle.
[SPEAKER_01]: You come cuddle my sweatshirt.
[SPEAKER_01]: You usually like to sleep on a sweatshirt coming here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're talking about a movement that is happening across the country.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about what people are saying on the internet.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about for B if you know what that is.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually surprised we haven't done an episode about this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've probably mentioned it from time to time.
[SPEAKER_01]: But here is the article that inspired this all.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is actually from the New York Times.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was a piece about some place called The Bird's Nest, which is a tiny house village.
[SPEAKER_01]: in East Texas.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've heard these conversations between me and the gaze talking about like moving into a compound and just doing like life and raising families and having gardens and doing it in a community.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's like a radical way of thinking.
[SPEAKER_01]: But now I'm seeing it completely be a totally real and viable option for people.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when I saw this article, I was like, I need to read this.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it is about village in East Texas where eleven women of all varying ages live together with the explicit goal of keeping one another company into old age, possibly until death.
[SPEAKER_01]: nine of them are retired and range in age from about sixty to eight years old though I am seeing these little villages and compounds with women a lot younger.
[SPEAKER_01]: The birds nest which started in twenty twenty two declares itself as a woman.
[SPEAKER_01]: Only community and the inhabitants broadly agree that women are easier long term companions.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then men.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Most of the birds nest women are single and among them they have twenty one children and two dozen grand children who are scattered across the US and nine dogs who live on the properly that they aptly call their babies.
[SPEAKER_01]: All of the women agree on the first rule unwritten yet strictly and collectively enforced.
[SPEAKER_01]: No drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or at least not much because obviously there's going to be drama, but like I love the idea of just a community or a tribe, if you will, that's very like we, if you're going to be here, we have to agree to have like a nonviolent communicative way of solving problems and like if you don't fit in with us, like go find another tribe, you know, go find another community.
[SPEAKER_01]: The article goes on to talk about how these women have been through infertility, illnesses, layoffs, addictions, and disappointing marriages.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, they are trying to create a utopia just for themselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: The women who live in the bird's nest believe that they are living a very unique way of life.
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I saw in the comments was like, I don't think it's going to be that unique for much longer.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it actually sounds pretty fucking rad and dope.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like,
[SPEAKER_01]: I met a woman across the street.
[SPEAKER_01]: My building is separated into two buildings that one time the one time the other and like our side of the building somehow just never interacts with the other side like we have no reason to cross paths except for at night when we're walking all of our dogs.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this one came out to me because she was actually wanting to say hi to the dogs and she was telling me about her dog that I just passed us here and she's probably older.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's probably fifty's and she's just like
[SPEAKER_01]: stunning and dress super cool and she had this graffiti shirt on and funnily enough it had Kelsey like marked out in one of the graffiti's and I was like that's weird where I think this is a silent supposed to meet bitch and we get to talking and she's just so cool she's a jewelry designer but she's also like an advocate and a survivor
[SPEAKER_01]: and we sit in chat for like thirty minutes and then we exchange numbers for like we should go out for coffee and then we ended up running into each other again on the sidewalk and we talked again for another like thirty minutes I was like I could see myself as you in the future it's your single like she's kicking ass she's you know doing her own work
[SPEAKER_01]: And she seems very happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you know, we used to be so ashamed and embarrassed to be that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm sure most of the world, most of the country, at least, still probably feels that way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh gosh, you know, I joked about how last week's episode, my dad had called me like an old maid.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I feel like I'm not seeing that as such a bad future anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have so many wonderful men in my life, Adaro, get like, I love the guys that I do keep closing my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't need them, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I need their friendship and their emotional support, but I don't like actually actually need them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, I don't want to say that that is like true about my women friends, but I feel like most of my women friends would show up for me in a different way than my straight male friends would.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's just, even the best straight men, that's what I've seen the case be.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, so I went on to keep reading this article, uh, one woman Robin Erian.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I hopefully am saying her name correctly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Founded the bird's nest.
[SPEAKER_01]: She said the community evolved from a group of hardworking women focused to meet a need to live independently as long as possible with little to no financial cushion.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I thought that was really interesting because that's the other fear I think a lot of women have is
[SPEAKER_01]: not having the money that they would have with a dual income.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we know that men out earned women in this country, they often, they almost always out earned men or women after having children in this country, statistically it's like so gross.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I
[SPEAKER_01]: totally could see how not having that financial cushion would be super stressful unless there was a giant group of you that are like willing to figure it out or help each other or support when needed or
[SPEAKER_01]: just make it not so taboo because I think that's the fear right is women don't want to end up single and alone without any financial like cushion and that would be seen as your one accident away your one emergency away from disaster but not really if you have the support and like unity of a front that would come to your aid and help and like
[SPEAKER_01]: not make you feel ashamed for it and like really are invested in your livelihood and independence until death.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's really cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the fact that they added that in there, I thought was very poignant.
[SPEAKER_01]: Cheryl Huff, who is an original member of the birds nest, said the women in the community
[SPEAKER_01]: have made the choice to be in this together.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the women do disagree about a lot of things, especially politics, which are in the LOL.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you would think, okay, well, if they're all here, they must have all the same politics.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I am curious like what they disagree on, but I'll have to read the article a little further to see.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the founder said, you know, I never saw these people before in my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And now I can't imagine them not being here every day, which is so interesting that even though they have these political differences and arguments, they can still live amongst each other in harmony and
[SPEAKER_01]: still believe that disagreeing with women, even politically, is easier than having that relationship with a man.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sherry Moore, who moved into the bird's nest into the, in the, in the, in the other women, don't want men in the community.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're dating somebody, they have a home, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: You go there, she said.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not like they're like, you can't have a man, you can't have a boyfriend, but like, your home life is with us.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, she was also quoted saying, I don't need to date anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sixty five years old and I've had all the best sex I'm going to have.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that's true.
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of the women in the comments were like, maybe she could.
[SPEAKER_01]: She could still get out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Give this another run.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we're not old maids.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not, you know, dead.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think.
[SPEAKER_01]: If anything, I've heard quite the opposite as that, like, as you get older, you know what you want.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's very easy to just say and do the things you want.
[SPEAKER_01]: So comment below, let me know what you think of that piece of the article.
[SPEAKER_01]: And next, we're going to move on to a little bit of talk.
[SPEAKER_01]: Talk to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm going to bring this tickety talk up.
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope you guys can hear it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's play it.
[SPEAKER_00]: get this off of my chest you guys because someone has finally spoken about something that I have experienced so I'm no longer ashamed, okay, to share this.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a bunch of conversation going around right now about how men do not marry the loves of their lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will insert clip here.
[SPEAKER_00]: Men don't marry the love of their life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now there's also conversations surrounding the young lady, Riley, who went on that show, and she's just such an amazing person, with such an amazing personality, and none of the guys wanted to date.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'll solve that as viral.
[SPEAKER_00]: And each other's expression for approval on who should actually get up to agree to like Riley, insert clip here.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm Riley.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm twenty-four.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm from Houston, Texas.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I've just come across a creator who made a video that basically says not only do men not marry the loves of their lives, men marry when their friends marry.
[SPEAKER_00]: Insert clip here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would actually add on when they're ready tends to be when their friends are ready.
[SPEAKER_00]: with all these, he and me, the trajectory of the relationship that you have with your man is directly correlated to the trajectory of the relationship that the leader of the group has with his partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: Slightly off tangent before I tell you guys my story time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, this is so freaking true.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this creator is named, oh no, she didn't, C-H-I.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she goes on to tell her story.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the comments are so funny.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the top comment is, always date the richest one.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is ultimate, she code.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we bother too much about these men.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're finally unlocking the crazy male psychology.
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone wrote like a note pad, like Mary and men with no friends, like radio taking notes or like date the group leader.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the way I am watching these comments like the next one.
[SPEAKER_01]: The man later of my friend group got married at the beginning of the year and literally all the guys started settling down like hold on what changed like
[SPEAKER_01]: I cannot believe when I saw this, how true it rings throughout my circles of friends, especially an acts of mine, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I did the guy in my early twenties, I'm still friends with a bunch of their friends in the girlies in the group, but there was like ten of them who all went to high school together, grew up very close guy group of friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we all were like, they're all just little playboys running around LA, like no one's gonna ever settle.
[SPEAKER_01]: until one by one starting with like the most stable of all of them found a girl that was like I'm in my thirties like I want to settle down and get married and have kids and guess what he did.
[SPEAKER_01]: and all of a sudden, it's been like a freaking race where they're all getting married, getting engaged, having children within this weird time, saying, and listen, I get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you are in that close of our friendship group, you want your kids to grow up around each other at the same age.
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to have friends to lean on.
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I'm saying and what I thought was crazy about this TikTok was that it was always the man's choice in that instance.
[SPEAKER_01]: like very rarely out of all of that group of friends did I see the woman saying like you know what this is what I want this is my timeline a biter die like or else I'm walking.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just so interesting the ones that we thought would never ever ever settle down the playboyest of all the playboyest started.
[SPEAKER_01]: to settle and now they're all like popping out kids going on family vacation and it is just very interesting and I'm curious what you guys have seen to ring true in your friendship groups so
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's just another argument to add to our whole, like, our men, the top choice in the matter.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, are we still somehow even with the good ones living under the patriarchy of their choice in their psychology?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going it out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just saying.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we come back from this quick break, we're going to talk more about the four B movement.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so we are going to talk now about a movement that says no four times in a row and somehow is taking over all of TikTok.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's called for B and no, it's not just celibacy if that's what you hear when you hear for B.
[SPEAKER_01]: It started in South Korea as a feminist stance that says no to these four things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Marriage, babies, dating, and sex with men.
[SPEAKER_01]: And why did thousands of women feel like it was the safer option to opt out than opt in?
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's really taking Korea's birth rate.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like is that myth fact?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we just talked about birth rates for the week.
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the four B movement, the four B or four nose is, like I said, the radical feminist movement that has originated in South Korea.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the four defining tenants, which are, again, of do not date, do not marry, do not have sex with, or have children with men.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is, and I hope I'm not betraying this, be honed, which is no marriage.
[SPEAKER_01]: B. Schusslan, no childbirth, B. Eone, no dating, and B. sexu, which is a fun word to say, which is no sex with men.
[SPEAKER_01]: The myth is that four B equals celibacy, which is like
[SPEAKER_01]: kind of mirroring the insel movement, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we can't have sex because we are the product like man, everything so bad that we're going to victimize.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, this is just no to a specific heterosexual sex in relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: many adhere to still dating women or non men.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this movement kind of was an accumulation of a few different events, but a big one was in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in,
[SPEAKER_01]: He-e-wa station, um, protested against a bunch of women gathered together to protest against spy cam crimes, which grew into this like biggest feminist movement that South Korea has ever seen.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, it was a series of protests at a station in Seoul, South Korea, which was protesting against sexism,
[SPEAKER_01]: hidden camera voyeurism known in South Korea as Molka and aim to spark reformation of the judiciary system, particularly on a tandling of sex crimes, which often they believe favors men, which like no shocker there, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It was the largest feminist protest movement in South Korea reaching a hundred and ten thousand demonstrators by December of that year, which is
[SPEAKER_01]: crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I can see that happening in America, but I'll talk about the differences in why people don't believe it's going to work.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we are seeing all the comments about like, welcome to the for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, moving early.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, this is the way to do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And after Trump was elected again, it was taking off on social media about like, we need to implement this.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not exactly the same.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like,
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, popped up all over with millions of views on the internet.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was kind of coming from this place.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, American girlies were just like, we are swearing off men forever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we are just quitting men.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we can't stand it.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna break up with our maga boyfriends.
[SPEAKER_01]: And what was happening in South Korea was much more high stakes.
[SPEAKER_01]: like a sweeping collective movement.
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't so divided the way that like most women voted for Trump this past time around like this was a across the board band and also in South Korea it had a tinge of like anti-trans in it and we don't like that it was
[SPEAKER_01]: giving a little bit turfy so while I don't think that's necessarily something we would pick up in America because I think the liberal women who are even like chatting about that aren't like anti-trans, but they are
[SPEAKER_01]: anti unsafe beings.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that I think is like what we're actually trying to say, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I think if anything, we would have to be like four B plus white women that voted for Trump.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yes, the American discourse was
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we have like the in cell culture and we have our dating at burnout.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have like men or trash hashtags.
[SPEAKER_01]: But what we do have in common with them is that we have this idea that like the only way things are going to change is if we reject.
[SPEAKER_01]: men all together full stop all the way across and I don't think the girlies in America are doing that like I don't think they're actually I think they're just like exhausted by them and especially after row got overturned and the abortion bands are happening
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, okay, men expect us and prioritize sex with us, but then don't want us to have an abortion, like make it make sense.
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys don't have your shift figured out.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're going to go sit over here until you have figured it out.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think what's happening in tough Korea is more like
[SPEAKER_01]: Women should be the only ones making these decisions and like men don't get to say we don't like we're trying to absolutely flip the tables on its power and women here are just trying to say like we'd like to have the same rights as you guys still.
[SPEAKER_01]: There was also a huge problem with violence and in South Korea you are
[SPEAKER_01]: far less likely to ever even be hired again after having children, whereas like in America, you certainly still can get a job.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it is a little bit more extreme.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like happening over there, but the women here like the idea of it, and I've seen comments where after I've watched the TikTok work girls talking about like the worst stage that we've ever been on or like sharing text messages about this guy or she's like, can you believe he said this, every girl is like, welcome to the forbeen movement.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I don't think that's what we're actually doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to come up with our own version of it, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't know, consequences have actions or something a little bit more America digestible.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the biggest thing I've seen too with the American version of this is I've seen them only do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like women are saying, we are rejecting the idea of sexual relationships with men.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you guys don't change this, then we're not going to have sex with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, no, no, no, I think if we're going to say, we got to say it with our whole chest, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yes, taking sex off the table, great idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I don't think that's going to solve all of our problems, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we're just going to get coerced and manipulated.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we need to be in the rooms and in the seats where the decisions are being made.
[SPEAKER_01]: like we need to do a full table flip too, like we need to be in these positions of power to in order to actually make change.
[SPEAKER_01]: Rather than just trying to make ourselves less sexually appealing to them.
[SPEAKER_01]: which I do subscribe lately to the idea of having to dress up for men.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I feel like that's only been a wave in the last like ten years where the girlies are like, oh you guys thought we were doing all this for you?
[SPEAKER_01]: No we're doing this for each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I want a girl to think I'm the prettiest in the room.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is definitely something that's newer in this generation that has embraced.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we don't need to wear makeup every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the clean girls that I like I do hope we stay and continue to make that for us and not about being anti them if that makes any sense.
[SPEAKER_01]: Moving on, I also saw an interesting thread because I have been talking a little last couple episodes about how I just turned thirty five two weeks ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually was a week ago when I'm going to tell you about me hydrate my brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I couldn't
[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't been able to wrap my head around a word for how I've been feeling.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just kept saying on the podcast and like with friends, I'm like, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just not excited about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: The birthday doesn't feel great.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I saw this thread by a woman named Chica Uazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like she nailed it with what I was trying to say.
[SPEAKER_01]: She said the scariest grief in your thirties is in death or heartbreak.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's looking in the mirror and realizing you built a life you don't even want.
[SPEAKER_01]: Which I don't subscribe all the way to that, but let me keep reading.
[SPEAKER_01]: She said, this is called timeline grief and with four months left in the year, you have the chance to be unrecognizable.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about how you step into the life you actually want.
[SPEAKER_01]: Timeline grief is what happens when you realize the life script, you followed the job, the relationship, the friendships, the expectations, doesn't feel like you.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the ache of being on track by society standards, but off track in your soul.
[SPEAKER_01]: Living a life you don't want to looks like waking up a dread not excitement.
[SPEAKER_01]: Feeling like the side character in your own scary, living for weekends instead of loving your weekdays, staying in rooms that dream you because leaving feels scary.
[SPEAKER_01]: The grief comes because a part of you knows you wanted more, you wanted different, you wanted to feel alive, not just responsible.
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's the truth, you're not broken, you're just waking up.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you wake up, you get to choose again.
[SPEAKER_01]: There are four months left this year, four months to lock in on yourself, four months to choose honesty over performance, four months to build a life that matches for you or now by January, you can be unrecognizable.
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's how to start shifting.
[SPEAKER_01]: audit your mirror what in your life feels performative versus authentic write it down cut one leak remove one person habit or commitment that drains you and stack one ritual add one daily practice that pulls you closer to who you want to be set a reintroduction date January first twenty twenty six when people see you again they shouldn't organize the old you measure soul not status ask do I feel more myself and my proud of how I show up
[SPEAKER_01]: timeline grief is in the end of your story.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's an invitation to finally start living the ones that's yours.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's four months left in the year.
[SPEAKER_01]: Use them well.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then she goes on to promote her sub stack, which I shan't be doing, but I support her, promote it and that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I resonate with that because it's not that I don't love the life I've built.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the places that I'm
[SPEAKER_01]: not showing up the way that I felt like I wanted differently.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the life I thought I would be living at thirty five versus where I actually am.
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of it is like with financial status and career longevity and maybe not even like career longevity, but just career confidence like being super confident and where what direction I would be in.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think she goes on to say just about auditing your mirror.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I think I've been sitting in this period of time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've timeline grief after I went through that shitty breakup with Sarah where I felt like I had literally wasted a year being with someone that was so
[SPEAKER_01]: draining and not even someone I really wanted to be with but I stayed and being mad at myself about that and then now I'm in this place where I'm in a great relationship but my career doesn't feel like it's where it should be or where it used to be or that I haven't totally nailed down the direction that I want to like live in and and
[SPEAKER_01]: the clarity isn't there yet and it's funny because I'm such a proponent of telling people like you shouldn't have it figured out in your twenties but then here I am in my mid thirties being like well I haven't figured it out yet um so yeah I just thought like anyone who
[SPEAKER_01]: has resonated with any of this, you know, like being fearful about changing the idea of what community looks like or what like longevity in a feminism looks like or your future ideal retirement plan.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it's never too late to completely start over and how exciting and fun.
[SPEAKER_01]: to be able to reinvent yourself at any age.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like reinvention doesn't just have to come in your twenties and thirties.
[SPEAKER_01]: It can happen at any time.
[SPEAKER_01]: It might feel harder because you've been stuck in something longer when you're a bit older, but that shouldn't be a reason to keep you there.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's the sunken cost policy at that point that you have to get your mind out of.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so knowing that I've been sitting in this little bit of like age and career grief lately, just finding a way to say like, oh, that's timeline grief.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that has a word.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's also now that I've identified it, I can work on changing it and I can work on planning for a future that actually does feel a little bit more authentic to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And within reading all of these stories about like, why, what additive are men in our lives, it's definitely helped me disconnect from any fears I had about like, I'm supposed to be in this part of my relationships by thirty five.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm supposed to be married or kid, like, you know, I'll never subscribe to that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But even just like getting a house or living together with my partner, like, I'm not even doing that right now because, you know, the athletes over in the UK.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like,
[SPEAKER_01]: just all of that expectations I had.
[SPEAKER_01]: And even when I did have it in my long-term five year relationship, I got bored really fast.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like routine was fun until we had it and then we had it and we kept having it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, this also isn't what I wanted.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did want something a little bit more loose and ability to travel and pick up and put down and go at a moment's notice and switch my career desire and switch my purpose in life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so
[SPEAKER_01]: Knowing that I've been privileged enough to pivot and change as much as I have, I feel very grateful for.
[SPEAKER_01]: And now I'd like to focus on defining a little bit more of a deeper path in one direction, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like picking something and just putting bones down in it, just putting a little bit more foundation down in it.
[SPEAKER_01]: which is funny to say because this podcast is probably the longest running career thing I've had in my life and it's why I can't give it up.
[SPEAKER_01]: why I can't give it up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, rounding out though, because of course, we've been talking for a minute.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, I saw this Instagram that was from an account called Financial Hawke girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it had just said, like, thirty three things, smart rich girls are obsessing over right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, it ain't me, but I would like to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and talking about all of this stuff about desentering men, maybe from your life in a more permanent or bigger way.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get our independent financials in a certain order and that would definitely be something that if I was in a relationship where I shared assets or finances that way would be the thing that would keep me from being able to change my life and so I just wanted to note.
[SPEAKER_01]: a couple of things to think about if you are in that position.
[SPEAKER_01]: Luckily I don't, you know, the athlete and I have not even been together two years so we don't have like that combined financial stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: But these are all just really good reminders even for me as I'm like looking forward into my relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: The hot rich smart girls are getting pre-nups to protect their future security.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're freezing their eggs early and asking employers to cover the cost.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're building a quit fund before leaving their job.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are owning fewer, but better shoes, I thought that was funny.
[SPEAKER_01]: Learning about inheritance tax rules before they need them, traveling like a local, oh, my phone.
[SPEAKER_01]: thing to start playing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Traveling like a local, staying in neighborhoods and eating where locals eat.
[SPEAKER_01]: Swapping salaries with friends to close pay gaps.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hope opening high yield savings account for free money.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did that and it's the best easiest way to save.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I'm with Goldman Sachs or something or no, I'm with Marcus.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think.
[SPEAKER_01]: and you just put savings money into a high yield savings account and it makes you free money.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Prioritizing walking over something at the desk all day, just little things like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Learning how angel investing works, reading biographies of other powerful women, talking about money openly with friends,
[SPEAKER_01]: romanticizing money, which I thought was really interesting, like romanticizing building your wealth.
[SPEAKER_01]: So these are all things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, this is from the profile financial hot girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you, again, if anything resonated here with you today, but it all sounds a little fearful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the best place to start is just like looking at your
[SPEAKER_01]: cushion of funds and like where do you have financial wealth and independence and is going off on your own or like even even if you're not on your own just the idea of what if you ever experienced time like grief and don't
[SPEAKER_01]: have the life you imagined and want to pivot, starting with your financial security is a great place.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then once you do that and you've looked at that, maybe you couldn't look into finding other women that, think the same thing about you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what are your girlfriends think?
[SPEAKER_01]: What are your gal pals think?
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me below in the comments.
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you in your girlies all in relationships?
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you guys single?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you have a diverse group of friends?
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they married?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do they have kids?
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Leave a comment below and as always, you can rate this five stars if you're not gonna rate it five stars to please already at all because our sensitive, speaking of sensitive, the Freddy Tyler Paul merch is out.
[SPEAKER_01]: Go grab yourself Alexa Pro hoodie.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you, Competons.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will see you next week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tata!