WEBVTT 00:02.312 --> 00:05.274 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to The Christian Parenting Podcast. 00:05.394 --> 00:06.554 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Steph Thirling. 00:06.634 --> 00:08.536 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad that you were with us today. 00:08.856 --> 00:14.439 [SPEAKER_01]: I am sitting down with Carrie Compaccus, who was an author, speaker, and host of The Girl Mom Podcast. 00:14.959 --> 00:21.763 [SPEAKER_01]: She has been on this podcast before, so I will put a link to that episode and show notes that you can go back and listen to that one too if you haven't already. 00:22.383 --> 00:24.284 [SPEAKER_01]: She is just filled with so much wisdom. 00:24.705 --> 00:28.607 [SPEAKER_01]: And she is here today sharing such an important reminder for all of us as parents. 00:29.187 --> 00:34.855 [SPEAKER_01]: And that is, sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is make peace with accomplishing less in a day. 00:35.836 --> 00:46.430 [SPEAKER_01]: In the busy years of raising kids, it can feel like we have to do it all, but carry encourages us to create space both in our calendars and in our minds so that we can focus on what matters most. 00:47.435 --> 00:58.058 [SPEAKER_01]: Whether that means shifting work priorities, saying no to extra commitments, or simply allowing ourselves grace, her words are a gentle nudge to listen to God's leading for our unique family story. 00:58.699 --> 01:01.559 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that you're going to be so encouraged by her and her wisdom today. 01:01.579 --> 01:03.100 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope you love this episode. 01:08.027 --> 01:10.349 [SPEAKER_01]: Kerry, welcome back to the Christian parenting podcast. 01:10.629 --> 01:11.550 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for having me. 01:11.790 --> 01:13.872 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm very excited to have you here. 01:13.912 --> 01:14.933 [SPEAKER_01]: You've been here once before. 01:15.333 --> 01:16.374 [SPEAKER_01]: We talked about our girls. 01:16.414 --> 01:22.599 [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk all about girls again and just parenting in general because they feel like so much of this applies to girls and boys. 01:22.779 --> 01:28.404 [SPEAKER_01]: But I first let's just start with an introduction kind of getting to know you like what you do about yourself and about your family. 01:28.684 --> 01:29.004 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 01:29.165 --> 01:29.345 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 01:29.925 --> 01:33.307 [SPEAKER_00]: I am a mom of four girls and I live in Birmingham, Alabama. 01:33.707 --> 01:36.528 [SPEAKER_00]: My girl's a little bit older now than since the last time I talked. 01:36.908 --> 01:38.529 [SPEAKER_00]: My oldest daughter is twenty two. 01:38.749 --> 01:40.750 [SPEAKER_00]: She just started grad school here in Birmingham. 01:40.950 --> 01:42.391 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a daughter who is twenty. 01:42.551 --> 01:43.891 [SPEAKER_00]: She's in college at Alabama. 01:44.292 --> 01:45.632 [SPEAKER_00]: And then a daughter who's eighteen. 01:45.692 --> 01:46.933 [SPEAKER_00]: She described with my school. 01:46.973 --> 01:48.333 [SPEAKER_00]: She's going to Auburn next year. 01:48.834 --> 01:50.754 [SPEAKER_00]: And then my youngest is fifteen years old. 01:50.874 --> 01:51.895 [SPEAKER_00]: She's going into tip grade. 01:52.235 --> 01:55.156 [SPEAKER_00]: So I feel like I'm in a new season of parenting even myself. 01:55.456 --> 01:57.377 [SPEAKER_00]: I will just have one child at home next year. 01:57.397 --> 02:05.679 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just have a passion for moms and for girls and raising daughters and just wrote my six book for moms raising girls. 02:05.979 --> 02:09.660 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I have six books for teenage girls or for mom's raising girls. 02:09.820 --> 02:11.081 [SPEAKER_00]: And see, wait, that's my passion. 02:11.161 --> 02:16.683 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm married to my husband, Harry, and let's say we just celebrated our twenty seventh wedding anniversary. 02:17.003 --> 02:17.503 [SPEAKER_00]: Congrats. 02:17.963 --> 02:18.504 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 02:18.864 --> 02:19.985 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 02:20.005 --> 02:21.266 [SPEAKER_01]: I love learning from you so much. 02:21.286 --> 02:22.767 [SPEAKER_01]: I was telling you before we started recording. 02:22.807 --> 02:25.309 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I grew up in all girls family to sisters. 02:25.770 --> 02:26.790 [SPEAKER_01]: And I had these two boys. 02:26.871 --> 02:27.451 [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny now. 02:27.491 --> 02:30.914 [SPEAKER_01]: We have ten grandkids on my side and only two of them are girls. 02:31.174 --> 02:35.418 [SPEAKER_01]: Some of my parents went from this huge girl family to it's just all the boy things now. 02:35.798 --> 02:36.939 [SPEAKER_01]: Like some of my boys. 02:36.959 --> 02:37.579 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 02:38.160 --> 02:38.660 [SPEAKER_01]: It is fun. 02:39.081 --> 02:39.981 [SPEAKER_01]: It is very, very fun. 02:40.042 --> 02:42.604 [SPEAKER_01]: And my daughter loves being the only girl with her cousin. 02:42.664 --> 02:46.267 [SPEAKER_01]: Like they just live that up there, the queens of the family for sure. 02:46.695 --> 02:50.836 [SPEAKER_01]: But I felt like I would have girls down, because I grew up with girls. 02:50.936 --> 02:54.296 [SPEAKER_01]: But like we said, every kid is different in parenting today. 02:54.316 --> 02:56.777 [SPEAKER_01]: It was just really different than it was when I was a kid. 02:56.797 --> 02:57.857 [SPEAKER_01]: So there's so much to learn. 02:57.917 --> 03:01.898 [SPEAKER_01]: So I appreciate you pouring into all the moms that are a little behind you. 03:02.098 --> 03:02.498 [SPEAKER_01]: Like me. 03:02.598 --> 03:03.278 [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you. 03:03.778 --> 03:04.298 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 03:04.398 --> 03:06.299 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, yeah, I have a heart for you moms. 03:06.319 --> 03:08.939 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think in some ways, technologies make things easier. 03:09.019 --> 03:13.360 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that you'll have it harder than even my generation did just a few years ahead of you. 03:13.920 --> 03:17.002 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's just so much information at coming at us, which is helpful. 03:17.282 --> 03:17.422 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 03:17.442 --> 03:18.463 [SPEAKER_01]: But you have to filter through it. 03:18.503 --> 03:19.544 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, oh, yes. 03:19.584 --> 03:20.284 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 03:20.384 --> 03:21.265 [SPEAKER_00]: And we didn't have that. 03:21.425 --> 03:27.489 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, my friends, we always talk about we're kind of the last generation to parent without the internet and to parent without social media. 03:27.529 --> 03:34.634 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so glad because we didn't have a million voices speaking into our lives and it's hard because you do have to have that discernment. 03:34.774 --> 03:37.856 [SPEAKER_00]: And like you said that filter to know who am I going to listen to? 03:37.996 --> 03:39.277 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, who am I going to filter out? 03:39.637 --> 03:40.478 [SPEAKER_00]: And that takes time. 03:40.698 --> 03:43.022 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and our kids are going to have to have that even more than we do. 03:43.142 --> 03:47.489 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's so much to teach them to have that discernment, which is one thing you kind of talk about in your books. 03:47.509 --> 03:49.212 [SPEAKER_01]: So maybe we'll get to that later. 03:50.452 --> 04:04.742 [SPEAKER_01]: But one thing that you've said before that is just like really caught my attention and just stirred up my heart as a parent is that the longest relationships that we're gonna have with our girls and our boys too is the relationship that we have with them after they leave the house. 04:05.663 --> 04:11.407 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's so important as parents that we're thinking about the here now obviously because they need to learn how to function. 04:11.768 --> 04:16.391 [SPEAKER_01]: But we have to parent with the big picture in mind and raise them to be people that we actually 04:17.107 --> 04:21.429 [SPEAKER_01]: would like to spend time when they're adults, you know, to be functioning adult. 04:22.109 --> 04:26.671 [SPEAKER_01]: And I love how you say we have to raise our girls in the light but prepare them for the dark. 04:26.951 --> 04:28.552 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that goes with that too. 04:28.612 --> 04:35.015 [SPEAKER_01]: So like how are you experiencing that with your girls as they're getting older, like one in grad school, she's like well on her own. 04:35.215 --> 04:35.515 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 04:35.795 --> 04:38.857 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I went to coffee this morning with a younger mom actually. 04:38.917 --> 04:44.702 [SPEAKER_00]: She was like, I just have so many questions and she's close with her parents, but she's like, but they parented in a different age. 04:44.742 --> 04:46.924 [SPEAKER_00]: And so they don't really understand what she's going through. 04:47.524 --> 04:48.525 [SPEAKER_00]: But we were talking about this. 04:48.605 --> 05:01.755 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think the reason I wrote this, this most recent book is because what you realize as your girls grow up, I mean, I'm appearing for twenty-two years now and writing books from moms and girls for ten years, so I get to travel and meet a lot of moms in the same boat that I am. 05:02.015 --> 05:04.258 [SPEAKER_00]: But I was like, there's an irony to raising girls. 05:04.318 --> 05:06.741 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sure I would say the same thing if I was raising boys too. 05:06.841 --> 05:11.787 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's really funny, when your girls are little, I was like, I was taking my girls to etiquette classes. 05:12.308 --> 05:13.830 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was really focusing on the good. 05:14.050 --> 05:16.353 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, be kind, be a light. 05:16.373 --> 05:19.057 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, all the good things that are fun and easy to talk about. 05:19.397 --> 05:24.120 [SPEAKER_00]: that then especially as I get older and especially as I start getting ready to leave time and get a college. 05:24.740 --> 05:28.423 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to teach them to be a lie, but also better prepare them for the dark. 05:28.603 --> 05:33.646 [SPEAKER_00]: And especially in the Christian world, I think sometimes we want to spare our kids as conversations. 05:33.666 --> 05:35.107 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't want to have this or conversations. 05:35.727 --> 05:36.648 [SPEAKER_00]: in the work that I do. 05:36.788 --> 05:50.400 [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I see that sometimes the girls who get taken advantage of the most are the sweet Christian girls because they've been so protected and they've been surrounded by trustworthy people and they've had a lot of love and all this virtue and all this goodness in their life. 05:50.520 --> 05:52.602 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know, not everybody is like that. 05:52.862 --> 05:55.664 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we live in a broken world and a fallen world. 05:56.485 --> 05:59.848 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's like a laugh as my kids get older, you're taking them to self-defense classes. 06:00.428 --> 06:09.515 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, try to teach them to trust their gut and to turn into that spirit of discernment and to tell them, you know, if somebody's making you uncomfortable or a few, but uneasy feeling, you can be rude. 06:09.655 --> 06:13.077 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you don't have to be kind to somebody who's not giving you a good vibe. 06:13.637 --> 06:15.198 [SPEAKER_00]: And it goes against their instincts. 06:15.259 --> 06:20.862 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just think it's really important to prepare girls just to not let them go out, clueless and naive. 06:21.903 --> 06:27.325 [SPEAKER_00]: The way I think about it is we want to prepare them for the hard realities of life, but we don't want to harden them. 06:27.505 --> 06:38.288 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think the only way I can say to do it is just to do it, that that lens of faith, that just trust in God, that just pursuing the light and trying to be like Jesus, but also not being naive. 06:38.508 --> 06:39.969 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we've got to be in the world. 06:40.369 --> 06:41.369 [SPEAKER_00]: but not of the world. 06:41.469 --> 06:42.570 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's hard. 06:42.590 --> 06:43.150 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's tricky. 06:43.190 --> 06:46.390 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's why our girls and our sons, they need mentors. 06:46.470 --> 06:49.531 [SPEAKER_00]: I think we're parents, but we're also mentors and guides for them. 06:49.951 --> 06:52.752 [SPEAKER_00]: But even as moms, we need this mentors and those guys ahead of us. 06:52.952 --> 06:55.353 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I still call my dad for advice all the time. 06:55.393 --> 06:56.513 [SPEAKER_00]: And he's eighty eight years old. 06:56.953 --> 06:59.093 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that guy's back to that lifelong relationship. 06:59.113 --> 07:04.255 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you mentioned that, you know, I think if you had that connection with your child, like they're never going to not need you. 07:04.415 --> 07:05.535 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're always going to need 07:05.995 --> 07:09.398 [SPEAKER_00]: advice and some mentoring from somebody that's older and wiser than them. 07:09.718 --> 07:12.921 [SPEAKER_00]: So, that's really how I especially now that I paint my girls. 07:13.001 --> 07:15.323 [SPEAKER_00]: It's that long-term relationship, that friendship. 07:15.664 --> 07:23.791 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and honestly, on the other side of fifty where I am now, and I'm looking ahead, I'm thinking about, I want to be healthy for my children to be able to support them when they're my age. 07:24.091 --> 07:25.232 [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to raise children. 07:25.272 --> 07:31.458 [SPEAKER_00]: I talk to thirty-year-olds and they're like, I need my mom more now than I ever have because they have small children. 07:32.013 --> 07:34.454 [SPEAKER_00]: and they want the grandparents to be engaged in their lives. 07:34.474 --> 07:38.034 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think it's a beautiful example of how God created us to live. 07:38.455 --> 07:46.956 [SPEAKER_00]: You're always, you always have a purpose, whether you're raising little ones or your kids have left time and you're supporting the moms behind you or you're supporting your own children as they're starting their families. 07:47.177 --> 07:53.458 [SPEAKER_00]: Just being able to pass on that wisdom and how to tune into God's spirit and God's voice in a world where it can be kind of tricky. 07:53.718 --> 07:53.938 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 07:54.479 --> 08:01.764 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think I told the story on this podcast before, but I was never forget having, I think I, I think I had had my third side three and three years. 08:01.804 --> 08:03.265 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, my kids are very close to an age. 08:03.665 --> 08:04.466 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was so tired. 08:04.486 --> 08:08.188 [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember calling my mom, when are they gonna need me last? 08:08.409 --> 08:12.131 [SPEAKER_01]: And she just started laughing and just like, you call me every single day. 08:12.391 --> 08:12.812 [SPEAKER_01]: That's right. 08:13.452 --> 08:13.853 [SPEAKER_01]: That's right. 08:13.873 --> 08:16.957 [SPEAKER_01]: He's like, ah, they're gonna need you differently, but they're still gonna need you. 08:16.997 --> 08:17.477 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're right. 08:17.497 --> 08:20.041 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I need my mom in so many ways, too. 08:20.161 --> 08:31.074 [SPEAKER_01]: And in my friends who don't have moms anymore, they really feel that loss and have had to seek out other older wise or women because you need that connection with somebody who's gone before you to be like, what am I doing? 08:31.415 --> 08:32.116 [SPEAKER_01]: Am I insane? 08:32.716 --> 08:34.057 [SPEAKER_01]: I think I'm doing it all wrong. 08:34.317 --> 08:36.539 [SPEAKER_01]: Am I gonna mess them all up or am I doing okay? 08:36.559 --> 08:37.560 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just really hard. 08:37.580 --> 08:38.180 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 08:38.500 --> 08:44.905 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just, I've always, and maybe it's the fourth child in me, but I've always done better in situations where people give me a heads up. 08:45.245 --> 08:52.791 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I mean, and I feel like the job, you know, as we are older and as we have experiences, you feel like you've kind of, okay, I've been into the wilderness. 08:53.151 --> 08:59.195 [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen, I've experienced some hard things and now it's my job to come back and talk to these moms who are going into the wilderness, you know? 08:59.916 --> 09:03.379 [SPEAKER_00]: Give them a heads up and even with this mom that I met this morning, that's what I kind of did. 09:03.399 --> 09:05.340 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, she had a lot of questions. 09:05.380 --> 09:10.044 [SPEAKER_00]: Her daughter is going into fifth grade and just had a lot of questions and having those hard conversations. 09:10.084 --> 09:13.306 [SPEAKER_00]: And she's like, I don't want to plant seeds, put ideas in her head. 09:13.366 --> 09:18.110 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, you know, it's kind of telling us that you want to have the first conversations about these hard things with her. 09:18.470 --> 09:20.392 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know it's so hard and it's awkward. 09:20.512 --> 09:25.356 [SPEAKER_00]: But you want to, you don't want the world or the internet or a friend being the first one to have those conversations. 09:25.416 --> 09:28.018 [SPEAKER_00]: And you really want to impress the truth in her mind. 09:28.498 --> 09:31.899 [SPEAKER_00]: So when other voices come along, she knows which voice to trust. 09:32.259 --> 09:34.400 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's hard, and you don't know that. 09:34.460 --> 09:37.181 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't know that with your first one, because you have an experience thing. 09:37.501 --> 09:39.502 [SPEAKER_00]: You need people kind of giving you a lay of the land. 09:39.542 --> 09:41.823 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you know, this is what typically happens in seventh grade. 09:41.883 --> 09:44.964 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know my community, I'm like, this is what happens as I go to high school. 09:45.624 --> 09:47.124 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what happens in tenth grade. 09:47.184 --> 09:53.427 [SPEAKER_00]: And you start seeing, you know, the friend groups are starts to be a lot of shifts and fissures because some kids are drinking and some kids aren't. 09:53.487 --> 09:57.348 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's just a lot of things that now looking back, I can see it's totally 09:57.728 --> 10:00.169 [SPEAKER_00]: Not what's say predictable, but in many cases it is predictable. 10:00.229 --> 10:00.789 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, a little bit. 10:00.829 --> 10:01.829 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, pretty predictable. 10:01.949 --> 10:04.950 [SPEAKER_00]: And you need those, this parents ahead of you that have navigated it. 10:05.570 --> 10:16.253 [SPEAKER_00]: And it just gives you, it just helps you, I think, sometimes make better choices, not to say you're not going to not struggle because every, every generation has no struggles, but you're going to do it a little bit better than if you had no guidance at all. 10:16.433 --> 10:16.673 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 10:16.873 --> 10:18.294 [SPEAKER_01]: So I was reading their book. 10:18.334 --> 10:21.156 [SPEAKER_01]: You have an entire chapter on connection. 10:21.196 --> 10:33.804 [SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like so much what we're talking about comes back to having a strong connection with your daughter because you have to have a strong connection when they're little to be able to guide them and tell them what to do without them being like you're annoying in the worst, which they still do. 10:34.365 --> 10:39.028 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's also important when you're not actively hearing, but when they're adults too. 10:39.168 --> 10:42.350 [SPEAKER_01]: So how do you build a connection with our girls? 10:42.670 --> 10:51.339 [SPEAKER_01]: without being overbearing or too involved or too emotional and panicking every time they panic and navigating all the friend drum, there's so much to navigate as a kid. 10:51.359 --> 10:53.902 [SPEAKER_01]: So how do we build a connection to do that well with them? 10:54.122 --> 11:03.852 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, I think it's a learning process and I think it requires knowing your child, but you know, my kids, I think just really knowing your child and knowing starting with what they love to do. 11:04.693 --> 11:08.616 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what, having four children, I really had to be intentional with my connection time. 11:08.716 --> 11:13.619 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you know, everyone they were little, I'm like, I'm going to take somebody to breakfast every Monday before school. 11:13.739 --> 11:15.300 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know, that lasted about three weeks. 11:15.360 --> 11:19.623 [SPEAKER_00]: It was, it's just hard for me to make that daily time and say, you sometimes you have to get creative. 11:19.743 --> 11:27.688 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, I would use my, I felt like there was a season when I had like four in the twin and ten years where we were going to the doctor all the time. 11:27.788 --> 11:32.512 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it might have been the dermatologist or the orthodontas, but we probably had three doctors appointments a week. 11:32.872 --> 11:45.983 [SPEAKER_00]: But what I would try to do is I was like, I'll leave a little bit of a gap in my schedule so that we can go to the doctor's appointment, but then if this child wants to go get Starbucks afterward or grab lunch, we can go get do that and have someone on one connection time. 11:46.343 --> 11:49.966 [SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of times, especially most moms are busy, you might kind of be creative with that. 11:50.767 --> 11:57.430 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when we started looking at colleges with my children, which, you know, we'd always do an old mist trip, which is such a cute town. 11:57.530 --> 11:59.431 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that was always a fun mother daughter trip. 11:59.871 --> 12:05.594 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was a way that I would get some mom time in, but we would also have some of their friend time in and you're not going to have a college trip. 12:06.014 --> 12:12.304 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, then I would use those car drives time with my daughter to, okay, I'm going to tell you some realities about college. 12:12.424 --> 12:15.468 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, this has got my brain going, being on the college campus again. 12:15.488 --> 12:18.192 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want you going in naive and I talk about that in the book. 12:18.352 --> 12:20.436 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think you can have those little connection times like that. 12:21.016 --> 12:23.237 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, it just might be knowing your child's love language. 12:23.517 --> 12:28.898 [SPEAKER_00]: In another child that she loves cookies, like chocolate chip cookies or her love language. 12:28.998 --> 12:33.079 [SPEAKER_00]: And when she was little, you know, she was the one that was always kind of fighting me on things. 12:33.179 --> 12:39.680 [SPEAKER_00]: And we got into an argument one day and I just snapped out our a yelled at her and went shopping that day. 12:39.801 --> 12:41.501 [SPEAKER_00]: And then as I was out, I felt bad. 12:41.521 --> 12:42.461 [SPEAKER_00]: And I started feeling guilty. 12:42.481 --> 12:43.701 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay, I was too harsh. 12:44.042 --> 12:47.162 [SPEAKER_00]: And somebody told me that a new cookie shop just opened up down the street. 12:47.382 --> 12:48.843 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, just, God just put on my heart. 12:48.923 --> 12:49.523 [SPEAKER_00]: Good or a cookie. 12:50.323 --> 12:58.865 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I went and bought her a chocolate chip cookie and brought it home, had it on the countertop and when she came home, she came in my office and she asked me, she's like, Mom, who's at cookie for? 12:59.165 --> 13:00.766 [SPEAKER_00]: And I told her I was like, I bought it for you. 13:00.786 --> 13:03.287 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I was almost too harsh or earlier, and I'm sorry. 13:03.387 --> 13:04.687 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was kind of my piece offering. 13:04.987 --> 13:09.908 [SPEAKER_00]: And she just got the biggest smile on her face and just kind of melted and we ended up having a good conversation. 13:09.948 --> 13:11.389 [SPEAKER_00]: She apologized for her part two. 13:11.849 --> 13:17.512 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you hear a lot of not a lot now about, there's no perfect relationship. 13:17.732 --> 13:19.273 [SPEAKER_00]: You do life long-term with anybody. 13:19.313 --> 13:21.094 [SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be tensions, disagreements. 13:21.134 --> 13:23.235 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to act in some very unbecoming ways. 13:23.315 --> 13:28.258 [SPEAKER_00]: But one of the most important things we can learn to do is to repair that relationship. 13:28.778 --> 13:31.780 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was something that a lot of us, I wasn't taught that growing up. 13:31.840 --> 13:32.460 [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't repair. 13:32.540 --> 13:33.661 [SPEAKER_00]: My sister and I got in a fight. 13:33.701 --> 13:35.022 [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't talk for a few days. 13:35.522 --> 13:40.967 [SPEAKER_00]: that something I've really learned with my children is to go back and repair, especially to own up to something that I've done. 13:41.247 --> 13:43.770 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, to know that I'm not the perfect role model. 13:43.870 --> 13:45.812 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus says that that's the one you're looking at. 13:46.473 --> 13:49.795 [SPEAKER_00]: Just always going back to repair and just to keep that connection. 13:50.155 --> 14:01.643 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think sometimes it's hard for us as moms to admit when we were wrong or to admit that maybe something was our fault or partially our fault because of all the things we don't want to fail at in life, we don't want to fail at motherhood. 14:01.843 --> 14:04.325 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is what we just have to remember, God's love for us. 14:04.785 --> 14:07.987 [SPEAKER_00]: And the fact that we all need grace, we need grace for ourselves. 14:08.067 --> 14:09.488 [SPEAKER_00]: And we're going to get it wrong. 14:09.508 --> 14:10.889 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's okay. 14:10.929 --> 14:13.851 [SPEAKER_00]: We cannot stay stuck in that guilt and that regret. 14:13.891 --> 14:15.212 [SPEAKER_00]: That's why we need Jesus. 14:15.867 --> 14:20.769 [SPEAKER_00]: you know apologizing, owning up to what we do and then learning from that and getting better from that. 14:21.009 --> 14:26.352 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's really healthy for our children to see that too and that builds our connection with them because they see that we're human. 14:26.592 --> 14:32.255 [SPEAKER_00]: They see how much we need Jesus and it helps them feel okay about them making mistakes and them messing up too. 14:32.615 --> 14:37.457 [SPEAKER_00]: So, as I told this mom earlier, that what you realize is your your daughters and your sons grow up is 14:37.837 --> 14:40.558 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you're their parent, but you're also their sister in Christ. 14:40.759 --> 14:49.503 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think sometimes we'd take off our parenting hat and just, you know, have this heart-to-heart conversations with our children that, you know, we're in a broken world, we are all sinful. 14:49.863 --> 14:52.565 [SPEAKER_00]: We mess up, but that doesn't mean it's the end of our story. 14:53.305 --> 14:55.766 [SPEAKER_00]: There's always hope when you keep Jesus in the picture. 14:55.786 --> 14:56.127 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 14:56.147 --> 15:00.889 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and we're the first role model of what a Godly woman looks like to our parents. 15:00.949 --> 15:01.169 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 15:01.209 --> 15:02.490 [SPEAKER_01]: We're like, we're the first one. 15:02.510 --> 15:05.031 [SPEAKER_01]: There will hopefully be so many more, but we're the first. 15:05.051 --> 15:06.072 [SPEAKER_01]: So if we can do that well, 15:06.472 --> 15:17.054 [SPEAKER_01]: and show them what the gospel looks like, which means mistakes and grace and forgiveness and reconciliation, like that's so powerful because, unfortunately, you have to continue to say what you've done wrong your entire life. 15:17.795 --> 15:27.657 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's not just that they're family, but like, and with friends and even just, sorry, I filled out the wrong form at school or whatever, you know, we make so many mistakes throughout our lives. 15:27.817 --> 15:32.378 [SPEAKER_01]: And we have to teach our kids young that that's okay, because there's so much pressure to be perfect. 15:32.738 --> 15:33.078 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 15:33.319 --> 15:38.583 [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like that's something I see holding mothers back and that's something I really wanted to address in this book. 15:38.623 --> 15:41.025 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like a lot of moms stay stuck in their mistakes. 15:42.025 --> 15:46.589 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not saying we do need to be aware and acknowledge them and learn from them. 15:46.669 --> 16:00.240 [SPEAKER_00]: But I see so many moms stay stuck in their mistakes and it affects their parenting because they're so in their head about what they wish they'd done differently in the past or their child is a lot of moms do this or child is having a problem or having a struggle and they're stuck in blaming themselves. 16:00.660 --> 16:01.661 [SPEAKER_00]: I should have done this. 16:01.741 --> 16:04.142 [SPEAKER_00]: I missed the boat here and they're stuck in that place. 16:04.362 --> 16:05.442 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been there too. 16:05.503 --> 16:06.123 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really good. 16:06.263 --> 16:09.925 [SPEAKER_00]: Easy to just stay stuck in that regret or that worry or that fear. 16:10.285 --> 16:15.588 [SPEAKER_00]: But what I've learned from the work that I'm doing is that these girls and these boys, they need us. 16:15.788 --> 16:17.929 [SPEAKER_00]: And then perfect parent is better than no parent at all. 16:18.429 --> 16:24.292 [SPEAKER_00]: We might be all that they have, but even with our flaws and our imperfections, they need us. 16:24.392 --> 16:30.416 [SPEAKER_00]: And we can't afford to stay stuck there because we've got to be helping our children navigate a hard reality. 16:30.536 --> 16:33.197 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a hard reality than what we're navigating at their age. 16:33.257 --> 16:37.619 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's really what keeps me driven to keep moving forward is like, I know I'm messing up. 16:37.659 --> 16:42.422 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to give up because my children need me, your children need you. 16:43.150 --> 16:51.635 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's so important for us as mom to encourage each other in that journey too, like I said, given ourselves grace and learning from our mistakes and being vulnerable. 16:51.775 --> 16:54.376 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, just, and just God has a way of humbling us. 16:54.437 --> 17:03.542 [SPEAKER_00]: Just when we think we've got something figured out, you know, certain season of parenting figured out and get a little big headed, you know, you're gonna have a new season, your child's gonna have a new struggle. 17:04.022 --> 17:07.824 [SPEAKER_00]: And all of a sudden, you're gonna feel pretty helpless again and out of your league. 17:07.964 --> 17:08.905 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's okay. 17:09.405 --> 17:11.547 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and I feel like so much that stems from control too. 17:11.607 --> 17:16.712 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if I could just have done this part of my job better than they had this struggle. 17:16.732 --> 17:18.493 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're like, that's not the way it works. 17:18.694 --> 17:20.015 [SPEAKER_01]: Nor is it the way we want it to work. 17:20.475 --> 17:20.875 [SPEAKER_00]: But we do. 17:20.916 --> 17:21.636 [SPEAKER_01]: We like to control. 17:21.956 --> 17:22.757 [SPEAKER_01]: It would just feel better. 17:23.338 --> 17:23.578 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 17:23.918 --> 17:24.379 [SPEAKER_00]: You're right. 17:24.839 --> 17:25.059 [SPEAKER_01]: Yep. 17:25.139 --> 17:25.380 [SPEAKER_01]: Yep. 17:26.040 --> 17:26.340 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 17:26.380 --> 17:32.326 [SPEAKER_01]: So we've talked a little bit like the grace and reconciliation in walking in that way and connecting with our kids. 17:32.426 --> 17:33.487 [SPEAKER_01]: But what about when? 17:34.893 --> 17:35.733 [SPEAKER_01]: My daughter's nine. 17:36.233 --> 17:37.374 [SPEAKER_01]: She has big emotions. 17:37.834 --> 17:39.294 [SPEAKER_01]: I also have big emotions. 17:39.314 --> 17:42.395 [SPEAKER_01]: We're whole family filled with large emotions. 17:42.895 --> 17:43.235 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 17:43.295 --> 17:45.075 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we do a really good job. 17:45.115 --> 17:53.577 [SPEAKER_01]: Both my husband and I, it like being calm and, you know, doing all the things that we know to do with kids when they're having an emotional meltdown. 17:53.657 --> 17:57.498 [SPEAKER_01]: And then sometimes like she will be sassy at me and I will just be so sassy right back. 17:57.798 --> 17:59.159 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I can top this. 17:59.479 --> 18:01.579 [SPEAKER_01]: I can be sassy at you and then you, you learned it from me. 18:01.979 --> 18:02.279 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 18:02.820 --> 18:03.320 [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly. 18:03.620 --> 18:04.120 [SPEAKER_01]: How do we, 18:04.960 --> 18:06.181 [SPEAKER_01]: How do we not do that? 18:06.501 --> 18:08.562 [SPEAKER_01]: And then what do we do when we start to do that? 18:08.783 --> 18:10.143 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you've had four girls. 18:10.203 --> 18:12.745 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm assuming you have experienced that before. 18:13.185 --> 18:13.425 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 18:13.586 --> 18:14.086 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 18:14.106 --> 18:15.747 [SPEAKER_00]: And always laugh I'm like my poor oldest. 18:15.887 --> 18:17.568 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, our oldest child's are guinea pig. 18:17.648 --> 18:19.289 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the one we really don't know. 18:19.830 --> 18:20.630 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel so sad. 18:22.491 --> 18:26.774 [SPEAKER_00]: I've heard before that the oldest child gets the best of the grand parenting and the worst of the parenting. 18:26.794 --> 18:28.155 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, there's a lot of truth in that. 18:28.674 --> 18:33.760 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, and you know, the best of the grandparenting is pretty dang good exactly exactly. 18:33.800 --> 18:35.121 [SPEAKER_01]: So they're definitely making them work. 18:35.361 --> 18:44.271 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but yeah, you know, my problem, you know, my mistake that I can look back is as my girls became teenagers and they did have those big emotions with those sassy moments. 18:44.611 --> 18:45.292 [SPEAKER_00]: I was the same way. 18:45.332 --> 18:48.213 [SPEAKER_00]: I would just dish it right back and then they would amplify it. 18:48.233 --> 18:50.895 [SPEAKER_00]: Then I would amplify it and they just kind of kept going from there. 18:51.275 --> 19:00.860 [SPEAKER_00]: And then a counselor told me, he's like, you know, the reason that especially I think in that twelve to fourteen-year-old age range, I feel like that's when the emotions are really kicking in and it just tastes. 19:01.420 --> 19:16.850 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, middle school it is and you know there's a lot of drama going on but it's typically because that's age where kids are having really big emotions and big thoughts and feelings for the first time but the part of the brain that feels those feelings and has all those thoughts you know part of the brain that's behind that 19:17.210 --> 19:18.291 [SPEAKER_00]: is the interpretation. 19:18.651 --> 19:23.993 [SPEAKER_00]: And so these kids are having these big thoughts, these big feelings, but they can't interpret them yet because their brain isn't there. 19:24.293 --> 19:27.014 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, and I thought, wow, that's a hard position. 19:27.034 --> 19:33.577 [SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever been just so angry and it makes it worse because you can't figure out why or you're crying and it's worse because you can't figure out why. 19:33.597 --> 19:44.901 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I started to say, like, that's really our role as parents as to help them understand, you know, rather than reacting to whatever they're reacting to, it's to really be that bigger, kinder, stronger, kinder one. 19:45.341 --> 19:50.383 [SPEAKER_00]: And of a friend who says that something they use in counseling circles, I think it's called the circle of security. 19:50.684 --> 19:55.326 [SPEAKER_00]: And our job is to be the bigger, stronger, kinder, why is a one as a parent? 19:55.666 --> 19:57.286 [SPEAKER_00]: And basically not to overreact. 19:57.707 --> 20:04.690 [SPEAKER_00]: So the image that my friend gave me is something that really helped me when I want to go overreact or jump on that roller coaster or she's like, 20:05.350 --> 20:09.691 [SPEAKER_00]: Imagine that you and your child, you know, your child is getting on the emotional roller coaster. 20:09.911 --> 20:12.632 [SPEAKER_00]: And as moms, our tentant sees to go get on that roller coaster with her. 20:12.732 --> 20:16.754 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and she's up, you're up when she's down, you're down, you're just letting her emotions dictate yours. 20:16.974 --> 20:24.316 [SPEAKER_00]: But what the stronger kind or why is there one wants to do is you're basically in your mind telling them, I'm not going to get on that emotional roller coaster with you. 20:24.696 --> 20:30.158 [SPEAKER_00]: But I will be standing here on the platform waiting for you and my arms wide open when you're ready to get off. 20:30.938 --> 20:33.160 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't always do that, you know, we sometimes we fail. 20:33.560 --> 20:35.922 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think, you know, that's our goal is to stay in the platform. 20:35.942 --> 20:37.723 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I want to make some coffee mods this day. 20:37.804 --> 20:39.145 [SPEAKER_00]: Stay in the platform, Mom. 20:39.385 --> 20:40.165 [SPEAKER_00]: I think you should. 20:40.185 --> 20:41.687 [SPEAKER_00]: I really think I should. 20:41.707 --> 20:44.889 [SPEAKER_00]: And you have a friend that she said that she says that she's a counselor. 20:44.909 --> 20:46.630 [SPEAKER_00]: So she always talks about this with her friends. 20:46.731 --> 20:53.616 [SPEAKER_00]: And she's like, you have a friend that when one of our daughters is testing us, the mom will say to her, you know, stay in the platform, mom, stay in the platform. 20:53.956 --> 20:56.638 [SPEAKER_00]: And we need to laugh at ourselves because sometimes we don't stay in the platform. 20:56.698 --> 20:58.420 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we act like a teenage girl ourselves. 20:58.480 --> 20:59.921 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that's the goal. 21:00.641 --> 21:05.545 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, to be that part that said that, you know, no child wants to be the strongest person in the ring. 21:05.765 --> 21:13.130 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, as parents, and that's not to say that we shouldn't have big feelings or that we should never, you know, that we have to always be strong and that we have to be perfect. 21:13.511 --> 21:21.056 [SPEAKER_00]: But what I have learned is that when we are struggling, when we're not feeling strong and we're having fears and worries, don't take that to our children. 21:21.216 --> 21:25.599 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's when we need to have our counselor or our spouse or go pray to God. 21:25.659 --> 21:27.260 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we need to have our safe places. 21:27.361 --> 21:28.902 [SPEAKER_00]: People that we can break down in front of. 21:29.915 --> 21:36.280 [SPEAKER_00]: that we can get the help that we need, the support that we need, so that we can turn around and be strong for our child. 21:36.560 --> 21:37.681 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just think that's so important. 21:37.701 --> 21:39.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And nobody really teaches us that as moms. 21:39.703 --> 21:43.746 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's not to say again, that we have to be perfect, that they never see us have our weak moments. 21:44.106 --> 21:49.290 [SPEAKER_00]: But I do think that it's kind of like when I see my husband, he's very calm, nothing really rattlesail. 21:49.350 --> 21:58.457 [SPEAKER_00]: But when he does, and those rare moments when he's gotten frazzled or obscene fear, I'm like, oh gosh, it must be bad for Harry to be freaking out like this. 21:59.718 --> 22:01.799 [SPEAKER_00]: And I need him to say strong for me. 22:01.899 --> 22:04.520 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think our kids are wanting that from us too. 22:04.740 --> 22:08.563 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it can go against our nature because we're very intuitive as moms. 22:08.603 --> 22:09.523 [SPEAKER_00]: We're very empathetic. 22:09.883 --> 22:12.585 [SPEAKER_00]: And so sometimes whatever our kids are feeling, we're feeling too. 22:12.965 --> 22:16.307 [SPEAKER_00]: But it helps me to have that goal stay on the platform. 22:16.487 --> 22:20.769 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I wonder if that also, as you're talking, like that kind of also goes back to control too, right? 22:20.789 --> 22:25.672 [SPEAKER_01]: Because if we can get on the roller coaster with them, we can navigate that roller. 22:25.712 --> 22:26.773 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like we can do it better. 22:27.393 --> 22:28.414 [SPEAKER_00]: Right, right. 22:28.474 --> 22:36.878 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm the rollercoaster with them and it feels like that should be better because we want to be with them all the time, but really, bright letting them off and waiting for them when they get back. 22:37.078 --> 22:41.821 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's really a great visual, too, because you know when they get back from a roller coaster, they're like, ready, Blake. 22:41.941 --> 22:43.302 [SPEAKER_01]: Did you see what I did? 22:43.342 --> 22:43.842 [SPEAKER_00]: That wasn't me. 22:44.502 --> 23:04.033 [SPEAKER_00]: right right and that's what we did some of us were carrying these emotions from them and they're so upset I've had this happen and you know my daughter was so upset about something one night and the next morning I'm still like dwelling on that and then she's perfectly happy she's fine and you don't and yet I'm still feeling the emotions she was feeling the night before yeah you're like don't you know that I feel too that's why I was they don't all night worried about you yeah 23:05.515 --> 23:06.896 [SPEAKER_01]: I did tell our nanny recently. 23:06.916 --> 23:09.477 [SPEAKER_01]: I told she was having some friend issues. 23:09.617 --> 23:20.484 [SPEAKER_01]: And I, she was kind of frustrated with her mom because her mom, I don't really know what happened, but I was like, I just promise you that your mom hurts with you as much as you do, if not more. 23:20.664 --> 23:24.386 [SPEAKER_01]: And she might not be doing it perfectly, but it's just because she hurts for you. 23:24.586 --> 23:25.827 [SPEAKER_01]: And she wants it to be easy. 23:25.887 --> 23:26.987 [SPEAKER_01]: So give her a little grace. 23:27.227 --> 23:27.628 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 23:27.848 --> 23:31.510 [SPEAKER_01]: Go home and talk to her, but like she just cares about you so much. 23:32.012 --> 23:37.054 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it's hard for the kids to be like my mom's supposed to be that sturdy person to exactly what I want. 23:37.094 --> 23:38.475 [SPEAKER_01]: Like we're supposed to make their minds. 23:39.175 --> 23:39.455 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 23:39.575 --> 23:39.856 [SPEAKER_00]: It is. 23:39.876 --> 23:47.379 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think most moms would say I would much rather something hurtful or harmful or whatever happened to me than a lot of other. 23:47.439 --> 23:48.419 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, you know, yeah, easier. 23:48.560 --> 23:52.141 [SPEAKER_00]: Easier to handle it happening to you than what it happens to your child and you feel helpless. 23:52.381 --> 23:52.641 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 23:53.002 --> 23:53.462 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 23:53.482 --> 24:00.245 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, so besides connection, what are some of the other like priorities you've had in your home to help your girls as they've grown to? 24:01.061 --> 24:03.362 [SPEAKER_01]: prepare them to be a light in this world. 24:04.422 --> 24:08.544 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, the first chapter is just to paint the heart and not the behavior. 24:08.564 --> 24:15.686 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I haven't done nail like, okay, when my, when my kids have children, God willing, you know, what are the first things I want to teach my grandchildren? 24:15.846 --> 24:20.008 [SPEAKER_00]: And I really thank the first line that they learned from me is Jesus loves me. 24:20.588 --> 24:26.032 [SPEAKER_00]: And especially with daughters, I just think that girls are so hard on themselves and girls want to please. 24:26.372 --> 24:30.275 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, share a story whenever I've shared this in a talk. 24:30.375 --> 24:35.278 [SPEAKER_00]: There are always moms that just relate, but I went out of it was such a strong-world toddler. 24:35.318 --> 24:39.081 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, fast ago, right, the sisters would go right and she'd go left. 24:39.161 --> 24:40.041 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like whatever. 24:40.181 --> 24:42.983 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was, you know, my mind, I'm like, I don't have time for this. 24:43.143 --> 24:44.444 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, she's an outlier. 24:44.684 --> 24:45.725 [SPEAKER_00]: She needs some tough love. 24:45.765 --> 24:46.966 [SPEAKER_00]: She's not listening to me. 24:47.026 --> 24:48.487 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to like, keep her in her place. 24:48.967 --> 24:51.969 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was harder on her because she gave me a harder time. 24:52.349 --> 24:55.511 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, I just thought that's how I needed to parent her. 24:55.811 --> 24:57.733 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, my husband took a different approach. 24:57.773 --> 25:00.594 [SPEAKER_00]: He's a lot more calm than I am, and granted he wasn't there all day long. 25:01.035 --> 25:03.276 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was, but he came home and she acted out. 25:03.656 --> 25:04.677 [SPEAKER_00]: He could stay calm. 25:05.097 --> 25:14.403 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, if she did something that we didn't want her to do, he would like pull her side, and he put on his lap, and he talked her for a few minutes, and that's here just going to listen and nod in her head. 25:14.883 --> 25:17.324 [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times she did act better after that. 25:17.524 --> 25:18.904 [SPEAKER_00]: But I would get frustrated with him. 25:18.964 --> 25:20.244 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you need to be tough from her. 25:20.304 --> 25:21.204 [SPEAKER_00]: You're being too salt. 25:21.424 --> 25:27.986 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I noticed over time was that she would go hug him for like no reason at all, just go open hug her daddy. 25:28.366 --> 25:29.826 [SPEAKER_00]: And she never came up and did that to me. 25:30.166 --> 25:31.386 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what made me start thinking. 25:31.406 --> 25:32.326 [SPEAKER_00]: I started just observing. 25:32.366 --> 25:34.487 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, what is it that he's doing? 25:34.507 --> 25:40.868 [SPEAKER_00]: That thing what it was was that she, even though I loved her, I don't know if she felt my love, like she did for him. 25:41.508 --> 25:58.989 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that about God, you know, when we truly understand how God loves us and that nothing can make him stop loving us, then you know, you just crave his love, you know, you just you want to go to your father and say that was that was a lesson in parenting for me like not to say that she still didn't need some consequences or whatever, but 25:59.550 --> 26:07.473 [SPEAKER_00]: It taught me, and people would tell me sometimes people try to politely tell me, you know, like a babysitter or somebody that was older, that she needed a little extra attention. 26:07.813 --> 26:09.954 [SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, my mind, she was just being bad. 26:10.234 --> 26:11.794 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just, that's one child. 26:11.814 --> 26:14.975 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I could go back and like redo her toddler years, you know? 26:15.015 --> 26:21.898 [SPEAKER_00]: And I tell her, I was like, I wish I could just like sit on my lap and just take two minutes to be like, I love your strong personality. 26:22.058 --> 26:26.259 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, like, God gave you that strong personality and he is going to use it to move mountains. 26:26.399 --> 26:28.860 [SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, right now, I need you to listen to me. 26:29.340 --> 26:31.721 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't listen, you're going to face some consequences. 26:31.801 --> 26:33.001 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, do you understand that? 26:33.421 --> 26:38.563 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I wish I'd wrapped it up with a hug and made sure that she knew much, I loved her, that this didn't change my love for her. 26:38.583 --> 26:43.524 [SPEAKER_00]: And that I was really not condemning her as a person, but condemning, you know, the behaviors, what I was correcting. 26:43.864 --> 26:49.066 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, I don't know, I think that is like the most important starting point, is that connect before you correct. 26:49.446 --> 26:51.747 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was something that nobody ever taught me as a young mom. 26:51.907 --> 26:55.528 [SPEAKER_00]: And that I would do differently, you know, from the get go, if I could. 26:55.768 --> 27:07.242 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, I feel like somewhere there's like a toddler mom listening who just, yes, now has that idea, which is it's so simple, but it is hard to do, especially when you are home with them all day long and you're like, I am so tired. 27:09.064 --> 27:13.048 [SPEAKER_01]: And you are so much, you are so much a lot, but that's really good. 27:13.629 --> 27:26.703 [SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like sometimes it's easy to like read a book or listen to a podcast like this and walk away and be like, yes, like I'm going to go do these things, but actually implementing is really hard because we're so worried about parenting right and we're all 27:27.143 --> 27:29.345 [SPEAKER_01]: We're all stubborn and sinful and so it's just really really hard. 27:29.386 --> 27:41.598 [SPEAKER_01]: So how can moms just like shift their mindset from like fearfully holding on or feeling like their mess to just preparing their daughters to just run their own race and live their lives well? 27:41.818 --> 27:42.839 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean I think. 27:43.620 --> 27:47.562 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I wrote more than a mom that was my last book that I wrote from mom before this new one. 27:47.962 --> 27:51.403 [SPEAKER_00]: And I realized I think we needed to take care of ourselves as moms too. 27:51.664 --> 27:53.444 [SPEAKER_00]: And get really goes back to grace. 27:53.825 --> 28:02.028 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that what happened sometimes is when our kids are little, we are so stuck in survival mode that we just stay in that survival mode even as they get older. 28:02.428 --> 28:06.050 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, what happens is that sometimes, especially when you've been parenting, 28:06.490 --> 28:13.591 [SPEAKER_00]: ten, fifteen years, especially get to twenty years, that burnout starts to hit you, you know, and you just start to feel kind of numb and robotic. 28:13.731 --> 28:22.893 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, I think that, you know, we are so quick to jump on anything to help our children, but I feel like we are not as quick to invest in something that's going to help us. 28:23.273 --> 28:28.874 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's something you really realize is that, you know, our children can only be, you know, we can only take our children as far as we've come. 28:29.094 --> 28:32.955 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I think about too is like, I need to, you know, prioritize our headache. 28:34.231 --> 28:45.239 [SPEAKER_00]: And it can be really hard to do this, especially if you're a type-a personality, like a lot of us, but I think sometimes especially those busy years of raising kids, we have to make peace with accomplishing less than a day. 28:45.440 --> 28:52.945 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was something that I realized, especially those seasons where my kids needed me more, or there was an issue that I needed to have more brain space for. 28:52.965 --> 28:55.247 [SPEAKER_00]: That sometimes I would have to eliminate things from my calendar. 28:55.627 --> 28:57.068 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'd have to change my plans. 28:57.309 --> 29:00.992 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, with me now, I just have one child at home. 29:01.032 --> 29:02.433 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a lot easier for me to write books. 29:02.513 --> 29:04.355 [SPEAKER_00]: And I can travel more, I can do more. 29:04.635 --> 29:08.078 [SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, there was a long time that I was not always piecing things together. 29:08.138 --> 29:09.920 [SPEAKER_00]: I was just kind of keeping my feet in the water. 29:10.340 --> 29:17.026 [SPEAKER_00]: But I wasn't diving in, you know, full fledged because I needed more space and capacity to be able to be available for my daughters. 29:17.326 --> 29:25.211 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have a lot of friends, a lot of people think that, you know, as your kids get older, they need you less, everybody thinks that, you know, that's when you're gonna have more time to work and do things. 29:25.331 --> 29:33.197 [SPEAKER_00]: But as I'll tell them this young mom earlier, I have a lot of friends that they actually worked when their child was born until they were about seven to eighth grade. 29:33.317 --> 29:39.861 [SPEAKER_00]: And then that's when they were tired because they're like, they're older, they need me more, not all the time, but in bigger ways. 29:40.161 --> 29:41.903 [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to have more brain space for them. 29:41.923 --> 29:45.045 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a different story for every mom and every family. 29:45.725 --> 29:56.268 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think, you know, don't be scared to do it right for your family and have a therapist friend she talks about whether it's something that you need more time to take care of yourself or more time to take care of her child or just have more space for your family. 29:56.288 --> 29:58.348 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, sometimes we need that grace in that space. 29:58.648 --> 30:04.490 [SPEAKER_00]: We need that grace for ourselves and maybe any mistakes we've made and then that space in our calendar and our in our head. 30:05.021 --> 30:08.722 [SPEAKER_00]: wherever it is so that we can really focus on what matters most. 30:09.022 --> 30:13.944 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, which will look different for every family like you said, and that goes back again to the discernment that we have to have. 30:14.384 --> 30:22.047 [SPEAKER_01]: We're just really listening to the Lord and what he wants for our parenting and for our daughters and our sons and our husbands and our whole families as a whole. 30:22.527 --> 30:23.988 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, those are good words. 30:24.228 --> 30:28.172 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I am so grateful that you came back on to talk to us. 30:28.192 --> 30:32.997 [SPEAKER_01]: I just think you're so wise and I'm just so grateful that you are pouring into moms like me because we all need it. 30:33.037 --> 30:34.579 [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so much. 30:34.659 --> 30:37.843 [SPEAKER_01]: Can you tell us where we can get your book and connect with you? 30:37.863 --> 30:39.805 [SPEAKER_01]: Listen to your podcast, all the things. 30:40.285 --> 30:40.525 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 30:40.685 --> 30:41.745 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you so much. 30:41.785 --> 30:45.266 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a huge fan of y'all's podcast and just appreciate the good work you're doing. 30:45.306 --> 30:48.327 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that moms can't hear these messages enough. 30:48.347 --> 30:49.487 [SPEAKER_00]: So thank you for that. 30:49.727 --> 30:55.708 [SPEAKER_00]: And yes, my books are all available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, are the places that books are sold. 30:55.928 --> 30:57.309 [SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram. 30:57.329 --> 30:58.429 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm pretty active there. 30:58.449 --> 31:01.650 [SPEAKER_00]: I also have a sub stack and Facebook. 31:01.830 --> 31:03.670 [SPEAKER_00]: Those are the main places and then I have a 31:04.150 --> 31:09.695 [SPEAKER_00]: A podcast that I'm more active in sometimes versus others, but it's called the Roman podcast. 31:10.276 --> 31:12.418 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm in a season of recording right now. 31:12.578 --> 31:14.600 [SPEAKER_00]: So they'll be a little bit more material than there. 31:14.980 --> 31:16.421 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe has been in the last six months. 31:16.621 --> 31:17.462 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah, I can't wait. 31:17.482 --> 31:17.562 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 31:18.323 --> 31:24.429 [SPEAKER_01]: Well I'll get all that linked and shown up so people can find you and listen to those new episodes and get your book and connect with you. 31:24.489 --> 31:25.149 [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you. 31:25.550 --> 31:25.930 [SPEAKER_01]: Perfect. 31:26.010 --> 31:26.530 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 31:26.551 --> 31:27.952 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you so much. 31:29.390 --> 31:32.531 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for joining me and Kerry for today's conversation. 31:32.611 --> 31:39.933 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that her words encouraged you to slow down, make space for what matters most, and trust God within the unique season that you're in. 31:40.614 --> 31:45.535 [SPEAKER_01]: Remember, you don't have to do it all, you just have to be faithful to what he is calling you to today. 31:46.475 --> 31:53.238 [SPEAKER_01]: As you go about your week, may the Lord bless you with wisdom for your decisions, grace for your mistakes, and the joy in the moments that matter most. 31:53.678 --> 31:54.258 [SPEAKER_01]: See you next week.