[SPEAKER_00]: there and welcome to our show.
[SPEAKER_00]: The shit no one tells you about writing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm best selling author Bianca Marie, and I'm joined by CC Lira of Wendy Sherman Associates and Carly Waters of PS Literary.
[SPEAKER_02]: happy books with hugs day everybody you have cc and carle here another episode of just cc and carle so there will be shenanigans there will be tech issues we love our wonderful lesion rosanna who entered her show who can fix these things for us I'm pre-emptively warning those guys because Bianca's not here as I said we're having tech issues as cc said that the tech goes always find us somehow
[SPEAKER_02]: What I am really excited about is our query letters today.
[SPEAKER_02]: We got a lot of juicy things to talk about.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to give the whole show away, but I think you guys are really gonna really gonna like today's episode because we have some really high quality material here.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I will let CC kick us off and she can read us our first query letter.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Dear, Carly, CC and Bianca.
[SPEAKER_01]: When you kill your husband, you expect him to stay dead.
[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, murder doesn't always go according to plan.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited to share my domestic thriller, Honey I'm Home, complete at seventy-eight thousand works.
[SPEAKER_01]: It will appeal to fans of the reading one sitting pacing in Robert Hardings, the drowning woman, and the complex family secrets in Sophie Stava's Count My Lies.
[SPEAKER_01]: CC as you are interested in high-concept thrillers and morally ambiguous protagonists, I'm directing my query to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Pre-S' husband has been missing for the last eight years, since the night she dumped his body and told authorities he never returned home from a hunting trip.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was the only way to escape him after uncovering his involvement in the disappearance of multiple women.
[SPEAKER_01]: But she can never let anyone discover what she did if she wants to maintain her picture perfect life as one of Denver's most successful real estate agents.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then Marcus shows up at her front door very much alive.
[SPEAKER_01]: He claims to have no memories since the day he disappeared and expects to come home as if nothing has changed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Their children are thrilled, the police are suspicious, and everyone in the neighborhood is watching.
[SPEAKER_01]: So reluctantly, pre-agrees he can stay at the house.
[SPEAKER_01]: When sinister incidents begin, starting with a dead bird on her deck, and quickly escalating to her sun being hospitalized, pre-fears for the safety of her family.
[SPEAKER_01]: She suspects Marcus has a plan for revenge, and becomes determined to find more proof she needs to expose his dark crimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: As she races to say, one step ahead, it seems Marcus is always watching, and a wrong move could endanger everyone she loves.
[SPEAKER_01]: but like her husband, some secrets refused to stay buried.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a marketing and communications manager in Calgary, Alberta, with a bachelor's degree in psychology and education.
[SPEAKER_01]: When I'm not writing, you'll likely find me chasing a toddler, wrangling one of my many paths, or competing way too intensely during board game night.
[SPEAKER_01]: This will be my debut now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for your time and consideration.
[SPEAKER_01]: Warm regards, Jen.
[SPEAKER_01]: The word count is, three hundred and fifty two words.
[SPEAKER_01]: The author supplied this for us.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, Jen, for supplying it for us.
[SPEAKER_02]: We appreciate that.
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, we're going to jump right into it.
[SPEAKER_02]: See, see, what did you think of this one?
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, this is great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we talk about how great this is?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm obsessed.
[SPEAKER_01]: The title, Honey, I'm home.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is genius title given the twist, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: What do he appears?
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a perfect title.
[SPEAKER_01]: The word counts great.
[SPEAKER_01]: The comps make total sense.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was reading the first plot paragraph.
[SPEAKER_01]: Feeling really interested, but then when I got to the second plot paragraph,
[SPEAKER_01]: And we know the Insighting Incident, which is him showing up.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, this is fantastic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we please talk about how fantastic this is?
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a line that reads, she suspects Marcus has a plan for revenge and becomes determined to find the proof she needs to expose his dark crimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I especially love about that is because I'm assuming she had proof because she killed him because of the dark crimes, but she probably got rid of the proof because she had to cover up her crime getting rid of him.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's so ironic that kind of irony and storytelling goes a long way and it really keeps readers hooked and it gives the protagonist agency because she put herself in this position like almost, you know, inadvertently.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just, it's so great for storytelling.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really wish you were here because I have questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: One of my questions is, why eight years?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like why do we have to wait eight years?
[SPEAKER_01]: It just seems like a long period of time and I just don't know why it couldn't be like nine months or six months or a year.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I just don't get that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not complaining.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just really really wish you were here because I have so many questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I want to say something.
[SPEAKER_01]: The questions I have are not clarifying questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: These are not, I'm confused.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have questions for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: These are curiosity-based questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: These are, I am hooked, I'm enthralled, now I must know all things questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is the power of an amazing query letter.
[SPEAKER_01]: When you write an amazing query letter, the agent who's reading it, the agent goes, I need to know more.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to know more.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it feels like a joy to read more.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a job, it's a delight.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you've done that because you've written the fantastic query letter.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, could of's to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really curious to hear what you thought, Carly.
[SPEAKER_02]: So my notes for things like, ooh, interesting.
[SPEAKER_02]: Juicy, whoa, this is good.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm hooked like seven exclamation marks.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I love when we have a queer letter on our show where we can point everybody to it and say, follow this one if you're writing in this genre, this category, this person did a new one.
[SPEAKER_02]: credible job.
[SPEAKER_02]: So well done, Jen.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's been a very long time since both CC and I have been kind of speechless and in terms of being able to get feedback.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I appreciate that for a couple of reasons because number one, it means that you guys are listening to us and you're kind of getting all this great advice and feedback and you're able to implement it.
[SPEAKER_02]: And just in general, query letters are getting better because there is so much internet advice out there and agent advice out there for you guys to write really great query letters and
[SPEAKER_02]: Hook agents like CC and myself and eventually editors and we talked about this before on the show and I talked about this in my course the author's publishing playbook which the query letter is the beginning of the whole process.
[SPEAKER_02]: It is the engine that starts us off on our journey because this this engine of a great query letter then becomes part of an agent's pitch letter.
[SPEAKER_02]: The pitch letter becomes part of the marketing copy, which becomes part of the jacket copy, which becomes part of the sales copy.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that again, becomes the thing that pitches it to TV film agents and foreign rights.
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's such an engine and when it's done well, it really is a way to kind of get this enthusiasm going at such an early stage.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think this person did a great job.
[SPEAKER_02]: Well done, Jen.
[SPEAKER_02]: You've completely hooked me in CC and we would both love to look at this material.
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, can you let us know what is in these opening pages, CC?
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so we have the protagonist, who's the only woman on her street who doesn't wear wedding ring, arriving home, and her neighbor, who's very like step-ford wifey, complaints with her, essentially that she took the trash out the night before, and so the trash was sitting there overnight, and she's like, you need to try better, just because you don't have help, doesn't mean that, you know, you should try.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we see our protagonist, you know, really just kind of fighting her tongue and being pleasant,
[SPEAKER_01]: There she goes inside the house and she can hear her kids, her preteens, upstairs, and she can see her dog and she's hoping that no one will see her because she has work to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's just, she's a real estate agent and she's just taking care of like paperwork and then she starts making dinner, just noodles, nothing fancy, and then the doorbell rings and the protagonist thinks, oh my god, it's the neighbor again, complaining about something else, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's not the neighbor.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's her husband.
[SPEAKER_01]: Her husband, who just casually says, forgot my house keys.
[SPEAKER_01]: She is terrified.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can see her not showing her fear, but definitely experiencing fear.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he asks what's for dinner, like, are you all right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And she just tries to keep it together and not show fear.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, and that is essentially what happens.
[SPEAKER_01]: He just acts totally casual.
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, what did you think of this?
[SPEAKER_02]: Was it starting in the right place?
[SPEAKER_02]: What else do you have for?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the thing about a great query letter is that it always makes me
[SPEAKER_01]: feel excitement, and then right after that, I feel terrified.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm terrified that the pages are not going to be good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm terrified that the query letter is just fantastic, and then the pages are going to be just okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was not the case here.
[SPEAKER_01]: The pages were really great.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will share notes, and I'll start with small notes, and then I'll culminate in my big picture note.
[SPEAKER_01]: So as I'm reading this, and she's arriving home, and the neighbor is walking towards her, I think it's important to have her have a theory about what the neighbor is going to talk about.
[SPEAKER_01]: Small theory, small thing, and then whatever the theory is, it can't be right.
[SPEAKER_01]: The neighbor has to then mention the trash cans.
[SPEAKER_01]: That sort of thing, it really gives the reader a hint of interiority.
[SPEAKER_01]: It gives the reader access to the protagonist processing information.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that small surprise, the tiny surprise of, oh, it wasn't that thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was the trash that kind of thing unconsciously really hooks the reader.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would change that.
[SPEAKER_01]: The writing was so strong that I had like minor little line notes for you, nothing big.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when something's this good, you actually do get to start with line notes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Line notes isn't something you can offer when there's so many big picture notes to offer.
[SPEAKER_01]: When the protagonist talks about how she's never been invited to their like morning workout, the morning workout that all the other women in the neighborhood do, there isn't enough on whether she wants to belong.
[SPEAKER_01]: And a protagonist's place in the world is really important and that needs to be established early on.
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to know her power dynamics and we do know her power dynamics in terms of like being the odd fucking the neighborhood, but does she want to belong?
[SPEAKER_01]: that matters, that desire matters, and I think you should weave it in with just a few words.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also think that when she thinks about Amanda, Amanda's a neighbor, and she's thinking to herself, you know, Amanda sees the world in black and white, I think there's room to go in a little deeper and mention if maybe she envies this, you know, what it must be like to live life with that kind of safety.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe she doesn't, maybe she's weirdly grateful for the fact that she knows better, because it means she gets to protect herself.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as much as Amanda has this golden life, Amanda's vulnerable, and she's not, because she's a fighter.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what her interiority is like, because I don't know who she is, but I just wanted a little bit more, and I do mean a little bit more.
[SPEAKER_01]: When she arrives home and we see her take care of paperwork.
[SPEAKER_01]: Does she have financial anxiety because if she does, that's an amazing place to insert a couple of words on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes readers connect more with the protagonist and I think it would make sense for her to have financial anxiety because she's supporting the household by herself, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I also want to say that when she sees her husband, something and talk about a lot in the podcast is emotional calibration.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the scene where the husband arrives, like he rings the doorbell, she opens the door and she sees him and she's shocked.
[SPEAKER_01]: The calibration is perfect.
[SPEAKER_01]: She feels before she thinks, and that is how it needs to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: When you are experiencing this role emotion, you feel before you think, all human beings do.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the protagonist feels that deep deep sense of fear, and it's written in a very like staccato sparse way that really hooks the reader and then she thinks.
[SPEAKER_01]: then we get access to her thoughts.
[SPEAKER_01]: A beginner writer would have inverted that.
[SPEAKER_01]: They would have had thoughts first, a description of the husband, what he's wearing, I don't know, and then the fear, and that order really matters.
[SPEAKER_01]: So great job there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do think that part of her should wonder if she's hallucinating, like that to me is just believable, given that it's been eight years, and there's no thoughts on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would add a small line on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It might also make sense to have him say something really small,
[SPEAKER_01]: that doesn't make any sense and have her be confused, something that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So for example, maybe he could say, did you ever hear from Dawn?
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, what is he talking about?
[SPEAKER_01]: And then later in the story, she'll go, wait, Dawn is my friend who I was expecting a call from eight years ago on the night he disappeared.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that would add to the mystery of is he that good of a liar where he remembers details so small or did he really forget?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that a line like that would go a long way towards building towards the mystery.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also think that familiar feelings of powerlessness should come back to her when she sees him.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's clearly physically afraid of him.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's in the kitchen with boiling water and knives.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think it makes sense to have her track her surroundings to be like the knife is over there, the boiling water is over there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like she needs to be planning ahead.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just the kind of person that I think she is, plus I think it's realistic, especially if he's violent.
[SPEAKER_01]: So now my big picture note.
[SPEAKER_01]: My big picture note is this is fantastic.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not sure if it's starting the right place though.
[SPEAKER_01]: Only because I don't know if we don't need something else before the husband shows up, something else to solidify our connection with her without him.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought of various options.
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought of a prologue on the night he disappears.
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought of just having this be chapter two and chapter one be something else.
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought of keeping this as chapter one, just changing the interaction with the neighbor to something else, something that would make us connect with her even more.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not saying it's starting in the wrong place.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this doesn't happen very often.
[SPEAKER_01]: Usually I have very clear opinions on it is, or it's not.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would love, like as an agent, I would love to talk to you about this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love to be like, let's discuss, you know, I don't want to know the reveal of any big twist or anything, but I do want to know everything up until the climax.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I can help you shape the very best place to start.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that you did a fantastic job.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is very, very strong.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of the strongest things I've ever seen on this podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like,
[SPEAKER_01]: all the applause, all the applause to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually have a prop that I bought a while ago, which is the wand, the wand that signifies, you did amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, please, I don't know why I wand, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a green chat for when I have green shirts.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a very, it's good, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it is glinda.
[SPEAKER_01]: So now we have a wand.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you get the wand, people who do a good job get the wand, and I have this wand for a while now, guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: So just saying, it's amazing, I loved it.
[SPEAKER_01]: What did you think, partly?
[SPEAKER_02]: I agree.
[SPEAKER_02]: I was really taken with this.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, and I will say just kind of tracking back to the queer letter for a second.
[SPEAKER_02]: So she said it will appeal to fans of the read-in-one sitting pacing.
[SPEAKER_02]: Dead and goes into the cops.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think the fact that the husband shows up on, you know, by page five is very important to what this book wants to be.
[SPEAKER_02]: And if this book wants to be a read-in-one sitting book,
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's fine.
[SPEAKER_02]: So the fact that CC seems like, I don't know, I'm pretty sure this is the way the author wanted it to be for a very good reason.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that way we're just like, off to the races, we get that roof wear thing where it's like, you literally read this in one sitting.
[SPEAKER_02]: You buy it for vacation, you buy it for like a weekend away, or you start it for you to bed and you're up all night.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like the read in one sitting by this definitely there.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm very confident.
[SPEAKER_02]: that this starts in the right place.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just want to highlight what is good about it.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's very easy for us as agents to say this is good and you guys listening to this or watching us on YouTube aren't getting kind of some of the nitty gritty details.
[SPEAKER_02]: If you are a sub-stack subscriber who gets our notes on Tuesdays, then you will know because you can read it so you can see it for yourself.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I want to highlight a couple things.
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things, a line that I really liked, and this is in the third paragraph, and it's talking about the whole like getting out of the car situation.
[SPEAKER_02]: So she's talking about the neighbor that's walking towards her and she says her stable waves flutter as she pops each step with purpose arms swinging like a soldier in time with every stride.
[SPEAKER_02]: Not only can we very much like visualize this suburban mom with her long beachy hair just motoring over there.
[SPEAKER_02]: I just love the like a soldier.
[SPEAKER_02]: so subtle but to me it creates like suburbia as a battleground and this idea of like what we have to fight for and I don't know I just thought this was very interesting and I think that was really really well done.
[SPEAKER_02]: Other things that I liked, I mean, I really just honestly liked it all.
[SPEAKER_02]: I thought there was some moments where the one the husband shows up where I think it's a little bit of overkill in terms of the describing our feelings.
[SPEAKER_02]: She says, my heart clenches, head spins, hair raises on my arms, anxiety claws at my throat.
[SPEAKER_02]: Even as every inch of me as alive with panic, I'm paralyzed with fear and capable of acting.
[SPEAKER_02]: That just felt like a lot to me.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think we can probably cut that in half.
[SPEAKER_02]: But again, we really, we really felt it here.
[SPEAKER_02]: The thing that really made my jaw drop was the line that the husband says.
[SPEAKER_02]: He goes, says my husband, it looks as handsome as ever.
[SPEAKER_02]: He gives that crooked smile that used to make me weak in the knees and I almost drop.
[SPEAKER_02]: It transports me back to our lives before.
[SPEAKER_02]: forgot my house key is what he said what a line that's like a mic drop line there forgot my house key that's also very sinister because it's like oh does he remember something he's coming back for something could be her could be the key we don't know so I thought that was an absolutely incredible
[SPEAKER_02]: line.
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things I really liked everything CCC said about her kind of needing to survey her environment and figure out where the exits are and figure out where the knives are.
[SPEAKER_02]: They too close to him.
[SPEAKER_02]: One thing that really stood out to me was the thing about the children.
[SPEAKER_02]: So she says, I think of my children in their rooms and silently will them to stay there.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would, as a mom, I would be very worried.
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, I don't even know what happens in this book.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'd be like, very worried about where my children were in this situation.
[SPEAKER_02]: The fact that they're up there, like, do they remember their dad?
[SPEAKER_02]: What do they remember their dad?
[SPEAKER_02]: What were they told about him?
[SPEAKER_02]: And if he was violent towards them, again, we don't know any of this stuff.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_02]: I just thought there was a lot more there for her to be like, that's the thing that would make me sweat.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would, I'd be like, whatever happens to me.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, don't go upstairs and find those kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you know what I'm trying to say?
[SPEAKER_02]: So like, that's what me as the mom would have started sweating was when I was like,
[SPEAKER_02]: like crap the kids are home.
[SPEAKER_02]: I really wish the kids weren't here.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, is there any way for me to get these kids out of the house?
[SPEAKER_02]: That's when I would start sweating.
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause I'm like, I handled this fucker before.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, handle them again.
[SPEAKER_02]: What I can handle is for him to get upstairs.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's the moment as a parent.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I would be I'd be sweating.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I had a similar note about what we need to address how long he's been going.
[SPEAKER_02]: I also think eight years is too long.
[SPEAKER_02]: And in these pages, we need to address, yeah, how long he's been there.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I love this.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like as an agent, I would say totally would request this, totally would read more.
[SPEAKER_02]: Definitely picked my interest, you know, I'd be reading this tonight if it landed in my inbox.
[SPEAKER_01]: same.
[SPEAKER_01]: So congratulations, like you did a great job.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're listening, we hope this is how you do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is how you do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: People, this is how you make agents curious.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, Carly, will you read us your query later?
[SPEAKER_02]: Dear Carly, CC and Bianca, I've learned so much from your show, courses and beta reader matchup.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for all you do.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm seeking representation from my eighty thousand word, multi-puby, upmarket novel, the golden boy, which will appeal to fans of Rebecca Mackay's.
[SPEAKER_02]: I have some questions for you.
[SPEAKER_02]: for its social commentary in Liam Moriarty's Big Little Lies for its multi-time-lined family drama centered around a crime.
[SPEAKER_02]: Dan Roket is a good boy from the Midwest, beloved by all in the last person anyone would suspect of murder, following in the footsteps of its difficult to please father, he becomes a plastic surgeon.
[SPEAKER_02]: But instead of taking over his father's humble with scots and practice, he joins a world-renowned one in Boston.
[SPEAKER_02]: After relocating his family of six, he's shocked to discover that his new boss has a dark side and his dream job quickly becomes a nightmare.
[SPEAKER_02]: Dan's wife Kaylee Requette is a mom fluencer who faces mounting pressure when their youngest child Christa doesn't fit the mold of manufactured perfection her followers expect and their family's livelihood is on the line.
[SPEAKER_02]: Dan's post-residency job promises to lighten her load until he begins an affair with his boss's wife Lucia, desperate to escape the pressures at home and work.
[SPEAKER_02]: When Lucia dies during a procedure that Dan performs, he is charged with first-degree murder.
[SPEAKER_02]: Has he been framed or is the golden boy really capable of such a crime?
[SPEAKER_02]: If he's innocent, as he claimed, who is responsible?
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a practicing plastic surgeon based in Washington, DC, and bring an insider's perspective to the story.
[SPEAKER_02]: I am part of a social media group of over eighty-five thousand women that I plan to tap into for support and promotion.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm currently building my own personal presence as I launch my private practice.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm also at work on several other novel centered around plastic surgeons.
[SPEAKER_02]: My dream is to create a sub genre akin to what John Grisham did for law.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for your time and consideration.
[SPEAKER_02]: Warm regards.
[SPEAKER_02]: Cassandra.
[SPEAKER_02]: Desalusus.
[SPEAKER_01]: Amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Carly.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what was the work count and what did you think of that query layer?
[SPEAKER_02]: The word count came in at three, forty, three.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you Cassandra for writing that in.
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
[SPEAKER_02]: So this is also a very dramatic, queer letter.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're very into the drama, thriller, suspense, crime vibes today, which I totally appreciate.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, coming back to our comps.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's very interesting to me that below you say, you know, want to do what John Grishon did for law, and then our comps are also like up
[SPEAKER_02]: market so you know I can appreciate all of it and I really appreciate you know you saying that you want to kind of build a brand for yourself and build a name for yourself so I I love that I wouldn't use big little lies I think it's too old and I think there's a lot of more recent comps that have family drama centered around a crime so I don't think that you need to use the specific one and I didn't really see where I have some questions for you was coming into
[SPEAKER_02]: The page here and again, it could just be because we only have a query letter in some samples.
[SPEAKER_02]: It was not giving me, I have some questions for you, five.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I definitely think the comps maybe need a complete overhaul.
[SPEAKER_02]: If not semi-overhaul, just to make sure that we're really, really focusing in on what specifically is happening here.
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it seems like this is very much a who done it.
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you end the query letter with, you know, easy people with such a crime, it is innocent as you claim to as responsible.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then it's an upmarket novel.
[SPEAKER_02]: So this kind of is it an upmarket thriller, an upmarket crime?
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think there's some,
[SPEAKER_02]: some thoughts, and that's still maybe needs to go into this.
[SPEAKER_02]: But overall, you know, I, this is just some antics, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just looking at picky publishing things.
[SPEAKER_02]: Do I think this is an interesting book?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would say my favorite thing about this queer letter is the line that kicks off the body paragraph, which is Dan Raquette is a good boy for the Midwest.
[SPEAKER_02]: I love by all of the last person anyone suspect of murder.
[SPEAKER_02]: Typically I don't like it like everything's fine until it's not.
[SPEAKER_02]: Queery letter, but I think this one works in this case because we kind of were starting to understand what's happening here with the plastic surgeon business.
[SPEAKER_02]: In general, I find this a very synopsisy query.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think if you guys listen to these two queries back to back between Jen's and Cassandra's here, you'll be able to see some of the differences, especially in the ways that they hook agents.
[SPEAKER_02]: It is a little bit different, because the last paragraph, when they see a dies during a procedure, to add performance, he's charged with first degree murder, has even framed or is the golden boy really capable of such a crime?
[SPEAKER_02]: If he's innocent, as he claimed, who was responsible, question mark?
[SPEAKER_02]: The question mark
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think it's working or either of the question marks because I don't know, I just don't think they're working.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then if you flip back to the other query letter that we that we were reviewing today, it's just a bit more pointed.
[SPEAKER_02]: It says, as she races to stay one step ahead, it seems Marcus is always watching and a wrong move could endanger everyone she loves.
[SPEAKER_02]: But like her husband, some secrets refuse to stay buried.
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's a bit more jacket copy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Where's this one's a bit like, I don't know what could have happened.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_02]: I just didn't like the like, let's just stumble into a mystery.
[SPEAKER_02]: And as the author and the creator of this world and this project, I just thought it was going to be a little more like pointed.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's just one example if I think what makes these queer letters different in terms of I think they're their functionality.
[SPEAKER_02]: But it seems like a very interesting project.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think, as I said, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: Somebody I think will be interested in what you're talking about here.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think this seems very dramatic and very interesting, but it does seem a bit more synopsis, as opposed to more of like a jacket copy style.
[SPEAKER_02]: Where you letter.
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, the author paragraph.
[SPEAKER_02]: You mentioned that you're part of a social media group of over eighty five thousand women.
[SPEAKER_02]: So this is kind of only relevant if you are the founder of this or you are the manager of the group or you are a very important person in this group.
[SPEAKER_02]: Just being in a social media group is not worth mentioning.
[SPEAKER_02]: So just want to let you know that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think those are most of my notes.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll turn it over to CC.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that was a great analysis, thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I have mixed feelings about this note.
[SPEAKER_01]: When I read the line, after relocating his family of sex, he shocked to discover that his new boss has a dark side and his dream job quickly becomes a nightmare.
[SPEAKER_01]: Initially, I was like, well, this feels like the inciting incident to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think he needs shape.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what does having a dark side mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that could mean so many things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is he secretly killing people selling their organs?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I just, I just don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: And because it happens early in the story, I think that giving us more shape might be smart.
[SPEAKER_01]: However, as I kept reading, and I did get to a very clear plot escalation, which is the fact that he does the surgery in his spouse's wife, and then she dies, then I was like, well, okay, maybe we don't need to know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't know if we need to know or not.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I don't think there's any harm in giving us the shape of that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just think that it will give more curiosity.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would err on the side of sharing since it happened so early in the story.
[SPEAKER_01]: What question I had which kind of bugged me?
[SPEAKER_01]: Not to the point where I wouldn't keep reading.
[SPEAKER_01]: I always, you know, scroll down and read sample pages, but it did bug me as
[SPEAKER_01]: This woman died during surgery, like, why does someone have to be responsible?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why can't it just be an accident?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because you framed it as, if it's not him, then who murdered her?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, well, why does it have to be murder?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, maybe there's something in the story that, like, some technical scientific thing that's like, it has to be murdered.
[SPEAKER_01]: Who did it?
[SPEAKER_01]: But then I think that needs to be clear.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or else it feels, it feels forced.
[SPEAKER_01]: It feels like an investigation happens without an investigation being marited, which is actually a huge plot issue that happens with a lot of thriller stories.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you have authors creating characters who go on journeys and the journey isn't marited.
[SPEAKER_01]: The journey isn't earned.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm not saying yours isn't.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying you haven't shown us why it has to be murder.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because in order for this story to work, there has to be a very clear murder.
[SPEAKER_01]: and because it's surgery, I'll just feel like something that could happen, which is terrible, of course, but a tragedy, not a crime, this is certainly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, overall, strong query letter, I'd be curious.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do want to echo what Carly said, and it sucks.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to be honest about this.
[SPEAKER_01]: It sucks that being a part of a group of eighty-five thousand people doesn't count towards platform, because I see so many writers telling me, oh, I'm in the member of this group, and this group has, however many members,
[SPEAKER_01]: They hear that platform matters, and so they think that counts as platform.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so sorry to confirm where Charlie is saying, it doesn't count.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's awesome for you in terms of building community, and we're really happy for you, but it doesn't really convey what I expect you think it conveys.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's better to be honest, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's better to be like, hey, this doesn't count.
[SPEAKER_01]: That way people are not adding this in query letters.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not signaling that they don't know how platform works, so it'll be better for your career overall to know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, now, Carly, will you tell us what happened in those opening pages?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, so I will try.
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes I have a habit of when I start to summarize.
[SPEAKER_02]: I start to want to get into my notes.
[SPEAKER_02]: I will to my very best here.
[SPEAKER_02]: We start with chapter one.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're at twenty twenty four Boston police station in a character's head called Emily.
[SPEAKER_02]: detective is grilling Emily on her friend and former coworker, Dan, Reket, who we know is our protagonist.
[SPEAKER_02]: Something is obviously happened to Dan and the detective is grilling Emily about his behavior, his mannerisms trying to kind of figure out, is he an narcissist, is he capable of doing something very bad?
[SPEAKER_02]: Emily also a surgeon, very tired, just came off a huge shift, all she can think about is getting back to bed,
[SPEAKER_02]: kind of showering off the hospital and getting on with her sleep routine.
[SPEAKER_02]: As I said, they were colleagues potentially romantically involved or something like that during their kind of med school residency days.
[SPEAKER_02]: They apparently keep in touch and that's kind of everything we figure out from that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Then we get to chapter two, which says nine months before June, twenty twenty three, middle of the old Tennessee, we are in dance point of view now.
[SPEAKER_02]: Dan is at an event where he has to do a speaking engagement at Southern University, which is the University where him and Emily went.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it says, like, fifty of the anniversary.
[SPEAKER_02]: So he's doing some sort of talk.
[SPEAKER_02]: He is with his wife, they're taking pictures.
[SPEAKER_02]: His wife Kaylee says that I'm Christa, which we know is one of their children.
[SPEAKER_02]: And they're, he's kind of focused on the optics of it all.
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's saying, like, you know, you need to stop this.
[SPEAKER_02]: We need to find our daughter.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know where she is.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where we end.
[SPEAKER_01]: Amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And what did you think of the execution?
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, so right away, I thought, who is Emily?
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's very strange to me that a POV character is not mentioned in the query letter.
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to go back and read the query letter and think, did I miss Emily's point of view?
[SPEAKER_02]: Who is Emily?
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know if I was reading the right book.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's how much I was like, I don't know who Emily is.
[SPEAKER_02]: We find out for the second line that this Dan character is involved in this situation.
[SPEAKER_02]: I really liked the tension of her being post call being exhausted after a really long shift.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then having to deal with this, she's just, you know, she's over it.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I really thought that was good tension.
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't know if she's going to slip up, but she's going to faint like how she can act in this moment because she's so tired.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I really understand that.
[SPEAKER_02]: I couldn't quite figure out why they were interviewing her again.
[SPEAKER_02]: to my knowledge.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is a POV character that I know nothing about because of the query letter.
[SPEAKER_02]: Obviously this happens a lot of times when people just pick up a book, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not always going to understand what's happening in the book, but why are they interviewing her?
[SPEAKER_02]: Are they colleagues now because they keep talking a lot about their history and its southern university, but they don't actually
[SPEAKER_02]: talk about the present, so I was a little bit confused on that, but the writing is really really strong in this MLE POV section.
[SPEAKER_02]: I totally bought it, and I was very, very into like Emily's thought process about thinking about her former friend or lover.
[SPEAKER_02]: Again, we're not completely sure.
[SPEAKER_02]: I liked the subtle references to them.
[SPEAKER_02]: The medical career at the last line says the question of who Dan really was, Ricochet around her tired synapses, like a pinball in a machine until sleep finally overcame her.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I like that little like synapses, you know, getting that little medical reference in there.
[SPEAKER_02]: And now when we're in dance point of view,
[SPEAKER_02]: I felt like it was lacking because it's very much like he's very focused on what's happening but this photo opened and again we know we're going back in time presumably before things got really dark but to me yeah it just felt like he should deal more acutely with this issue because it makes him seem like a bit of a dummy that he's like I know where a daughter went don't worry about it and again especially in contrast to such a serious first chapter this felt very kind of silly
[SPEAKER_02]: kind of made him seem like a dummy to be honest with you.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I like it once for like the wife's like, no Dan, I need you to stop me.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'll do for once and pay attention to the crisis and hand it looked everywhere.
[SPEAKER_02]: Kaley has through gritted teeth.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so she starts to like, you know, mount this anxiety.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then it says the physiologic response of the chronic people pleaser and the face of discord was blunted by the beta blocker.
[SPEAKER_02]: He had taken a preparation for his speech.
[SPEAKER_02]: That was really interesting to me.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think we need the beta blocker upfront to be like, this is why he's kind of paced dummy and not kind of like fully reacting to this situation at hand.
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't like thinking he was a dummy and then learning he had a beta blocker.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would rather know we had the beta blocker.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's why he's being a dummy.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that way we kind of processed that a bit faster.
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, CC over to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's really interesting about the order of the beta blocker.
[SPEAKER_01]: I hadn't thought about that, but now that you mentioned it, I fully agree.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think Emily's chapter needs to be an interstitial chapter.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't think you need a full chapter.
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree it's so strong, like, so well written, but if we just don't need it, Emily is clearly not a central character.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know this is multi-POV, but the first chapter, the first protagonist that we encounter in the novel is the first one that we imprint with.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I don't think, like, it just doesn't make any sense that it be Emily.
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep the order.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's fine to have it as an interstitial chapter in the vein of big little eyes.
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree it shouldn't be a comp, but it can be a book that you learn from.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you pick up certain books with a large commercial appeal, you have that Greek chorus.
[SPEAKER_01]: And having a investigation by a detective as interstitial chapters is a great way to add a layer to your story that really propels it forward.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would make it an interstitial chapter.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would not keep it as chapter one.
[SPEAKER_01]: It just, again, as well written as it is, as much as I appreciate it her interiority.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a whole bunch of notes like the way she's clocking the detectives reactions is so great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Her interiority is so great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I have a lot of positive things to say, but sometimes something can be really well written and still not be the right place to start.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, again, I feel very strongly about this.
[SPEAKER_01]: When it comes to dance chapter, absolutely echoing what Carly said, but also crystal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about crystal.
[SPEAKER_01]: To my knowledge, what they're doing is they are essentially waiting for a picture, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: All they're doing is for their turn.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're waiting their turn to take a photo.
[SPEAKER_01]: And his wife thinks their child is missing.
[SPEAKER_01]: There is no way should be hissing through gritted teeth.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's just not believable to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: They would need to be like on stage at a major political event for her to be keeping that inside of her.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there would need to be a huge social pressure reason to make a mother not completely freak out.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just not plausible to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that really kind of got in the way of the experience because I'm like, well,
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it feels like the author wanted contrast.
[SPEAKER_01]: Contrast between Christ's reaction and dance reaction.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the author didn't want the plot.
[SPEAKER_01]: consequences of having her freak out, because then people would start looking for the child and it would change the whole movement of the scene.
[SPEAKER_01]: However, making her be someone who's like telling her husband, you need to take the seriously, not freaking out, not yelling for her daughter's name, not running a rat.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's just not believable to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, show me a person who wouldn't be freaking out in that moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: If she really does think her child's missing, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So to me, I don't know, a father'd meet.
[SPEAKER_01]: There might be a reason for it, but
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever the reason when plausibility issues are this big, it makes me think that you haven't worked on the character.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, I don't know if that's actually true, but that's the theory I get.
[SPEAKER_01]: I get the theory of you still need to work on your characters, which is okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is an educational platform.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're still working on your characters.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Good for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: But her psyche needs work.
[SPEAKER_01]: Her actions need calibration.
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you so much for the analysis, CC.
[SPEAKER_02]: And thank you to both of the authors today, who's at number tier ill.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're always so grateful for you guys putting yourselves out there in the name of educating yourself and providing your work to be a teaching opportunity for other writers.
[SPEAKER_02]: So we're always so grateful.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you guys for spending another hour with us and we will see you guys next time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye everyone.
[SPEAKER_00]: CCLera is a literary agent at Wendy Sherman Associates.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you'd like to query CC, please refer to the submission guidelines at www.wshomen.com.
[SPEAKER_00]: Carly Waters is a literary agent at PS Literary Agency.
[SPEAKER_00]: But a work on this podcast is not affiliated with the agency and the views expressed by Colley on this podcast are solely that of her as a podcast co-host.
[SPEAKER_00]: They do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, policies, or position of PS literary agency.