WEBVTT 00:00.191 --> 00:03.234 [SPEAKER_00]: This episode of choose table is brought to you by ten by ten. 00:03.694 --> 00:08.979 [SPEAKER_00]: A movement dedicated to helping faith matter more to ten million young people over the next ten years. 00:09.219 --> 00:15.604 [SPEAKER_00]: Through innovative resources and collaborative efforts, ten by ten supports youth discipleship across diverse communities. 00:15.965 --> 00:24.312 [SPEAKER_00]: Visit one zero one zero dot org and follow at ten by ten collab on social media to learn more and join the movement. 00:24.907 --> 00:26.148 [SPEAKER_00]: Sisters, how y'all feel? 00:26.828 --> 00:28.168 [SPEAKER_00]: Brothers, y'all all right? 00:28.549 --> 00:31.790 [SPEAKER_00]: If this is your first time at Truth's Table, welcome to the table. 00:32.010 --> 00:34.531 [SPEAKER_00]: And you've been sitting at the table with us all these years. 00:34.791 --> 00:44.475 [SPEAKER_00]: We are so grateful that you have been listening to us through these years and we are inviting you to partner with us and support our work at patreon.com slash Truth's Table. 00:44.756 --> 00:47.697 [SPEAKER_00]: Now pull up a chair and have a seat at the table with us. 00:49.730 --> 00:58.494 [SPEAKER_01]: So today we're gonna be talking with three teams about the topic of relationship at relationships, at teams at the table. 00:59.254 --> 01:00.715 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm excited to hear what you all think. 01:00.795 --> 01:01.915 [SPEAKER_01]: I gotta be honest with you. 01:02.055 --> 01:04.757 [SPEAKER_01]: Every time I go on social media, there are people. 01:05.717 --> 01:10.160 [SPEAKER_01]: telling other people how to have healthy relationships or just some kind of relationships. 01:10.240 --> 01:15.944 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a, it's big business coaching people on what they should do and what they shouldn't do. 01:16.625 --> 01:20.788 [SPEAKER_01]: And my background is it's psychologists with the masters in family therapy and marriage. 01:21.228 --> 01:23.650 [SPEAKER_01]: And so sometimes I listen and I'm like, where do they get them from? 01:24.392 --> 01:24.572 [SPEAKER_01]: Right? 01:25.292 --> 01:28.074 [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm really excited to hear what you have to say. 01:28.094 --> 01:33.557 [SPEAKER_01]: Because while you may not be experts, you're expert in your perspective that you have right now. 01:34.097 --> 01:35.638 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's what we came to hear today. 01:36.098 --> 01:37.839 [SPEAKER_01]: So we're going to talk about relationships you ready? 01:38.479 --> 01:39.279 [SPEAKER_04]: Yes. 01:39.499 --> 01:39.860 [SPEAKER_01]: All right. 01:39.900 --> 01:41.000 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe first. 01:41.600 --> 01:41.901 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe. 01:42.081 --> 01:42.681 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we're ready. 01:43.561 --> 01:45.743 [SPEAKER_01]: First, we're going to have you introduce your name. 01:45.963 --> 01:48.104 [SPEAKER_01]: Tell us something about yourself and your age. 01:48.144 --> 01:49.604 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we're going to get into these questions. 01:49.985 --> 01:50.505 [SPEAKER_02]: You want to go first? 01:51.742 --> 01:52.643 [SPEAKER_02]: My name is Jay. 01:52.883 --> 01:53.663 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm seventeen. 01:53.683 --> 01:55.164 [SPEAKER_02]: I enjoy wrestling. 01:55.704 --> 01:56.064 [SPEAKER_02]: Awesome. 01:56.384 --> 01:56.824 [SPEAKER_03]: Thanks, Jay. 01:57.925 --> 01:58.865 [SPEAKER_03]: My name is Rebecca. 01:58.985 --> 02:01.326 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm thirteen and I like playing softball. 02:01.666 --> 02:01.886 [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome. 02:02.707 --> 02:03.887 [SPEAKER_04]: Hi, my name is Mia. 02:04.127 --> 02:06.648 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm sixteen and I like reading a really great book. 02:07.209 --> 02:07.589 [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome. 02:07.729 --> 02:08.029 [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome. 02:08.129 --> 02:08.609 [SPEAKER_01]: Excellent. 02:09.149 --> 02:11.270 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, here's our first question. 02:11.350 --> 02:12.331 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you ready for it? 02:13.151 --> 02:13.871 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 02:15.492 --> 02:19.494 [SPEAKER_01]: What does a healthy relationship look like to you? 02:20.744 --> 02:24.987 [SPEAKER_01]: And how do you know when a relationship is life-giving? 02:26.868 --> 02:27.969 [SPEAKER_04]: You want to go first, guys? 02:29.830 --> 02:43.399 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like a healthy relationship is one where you can like depend on them and you feel comfortable being yourself and you don't feel pressured to like do anything. 02:43.419 --> 02:46.662 [SPEAKER_02]: Really just pressured to do anything. 02:46.682 --> 02:47.902 [SPEAKER_02]: You can just be yourself. 02:50.655 --> 02:57.677 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, I think as well, I just think when it's genuine, you know, like there's no like, you're not if you're with them or there's something like you're trying gain. 02:57.717 --> 03:00.378 [SPEAKER_04]: It's just really just like, I like your company and I like who you are. 03:00.398 --> 03:04.939 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, and I think it's just both people kind of being together and being like, I like your company. 03:05.360 --> 03:08.320 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, and yeah, I just think it's being genuine with each other. 03:09.261 --> 03:10.241 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I agree with that. 03:10.561 --> 03:16.323 [SPEAKER_03]: I also think that you should be proud of each other's accomplishments and like you should cheer each other on. 03:16.870 --> 03:19.571 [SPEAKER_03]: and be there when someone else, when the other needs them? 03:21.311 --> 03:34.755 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so this idea of showing up as who you actually are not pretending, having that accepted, having someone who's proud of you, who doesn't try to dim your life, but is really exciting about your accomplishments as well. 03:35.435 --> 03:36.935 [SPEAKER_01]: So here's a follow-up question. 03:37.335 --> 03:43.997 [SPEAKER_01]: Where do you think your ideas about what a healthy relationship should look like, come from? 03:47.073 --> 03:50.235 [SPEAKER_04]: I think for me, it's definitely like my family for sure. 03:51.196 --> 03:52.917 [SPEAKER_04]: They are amazing and I love them. 03:53.398 --> 04:00.223 [SPEAKER_04]: But they taught me a lot about romantic relationships, friendships, and they always give me advice on various relationships. 04:00.804 --> 04:04.026 [SPEAKER_04]: And I am grateful for that because they obviously have more wisdom. 04:04.146 --> 04:05.167 [SPEAKER_04]: They've been through more stuff. 04:05.327 --> 04:09.470 [SPEAKER_04]: So I would say family, mostly my mom and my parents, but yeah. 04:10.211 --> 04:10.471 [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome. 04:10.591 --> 04:10.811 [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome. 04:11.592 --> 04:12.653 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's the same for me. 04:13.013 --> 04:13.954 [SPEAKER_03]: It's mainly my parents. 04:14.650 --> 04:42.198 [SPEAKER_03]: because I kind of get like every life example of it of like and they tell me like how you shouldn't just like take good enough because like if someone's like treats you okay but doesn't mean that they're a good person to be around for you because sometimes they don't help you like improve yourself or anything like in a good way sometimes they just try to change who you are and then sometimes you you don't really need changing so 04:42.956 --> 04:43.236 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow. 04:43.496 --> 04:45.057 [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like it's some lessons in there. 04:45.217 --> 04:46.638 [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's really helpful. 04:47.699 --> 04:48.379 [SPEAKER_01]: How about you, Jake? 04:48.419 --> 04:49.099 [SPEAKER_01]: What would you say? 04:49.159 --> 04:51.981 [SPEAKER_01]: Where is your idea of what a healthy relationship come from? 04:53.062 --> 05:01.506 [SPEAKER_02]: Some of my ideas, I guess, come from my parents, but then a lot of it is just my experiences trial and error. 05:01.586 --> 05:04.088 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, you get to know people. 05:04.888 --> 05:11.072 [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes friendships don't work out and then you just learn from it and you just sort of grow as a person over time. 05:11.512 --> 05:11.732 [SPEAKER_01]: Sure. 05:13.463 --> 05:15.525 [SPEAKER_01]: So, here's another follow-up, y'all. 05:16.085 --> 05:16.786 [SPEAKER_01]: Another follow-up. 05:16.806 --> 05:18.127 [SPEAKER_01]: So, people hear the word relationship. 05:18.147 --> 05:19.488 [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think comes to their mind first? 05:20.950 --> 05:22.891 [SPEAKER_01]: Romantic relationships, right? 05:23.392 --> 05:25.274 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's not the only kind of relationships. 05:25.314 --> 05:31.079 [SPEAKER_01]: Matter of fact, in life, most of your relationships probably should not be romantic relationships, okay? 05:31.479 --> 05:37.885 [SPEAKER_01]: So, I would love for you to lean in a little bit more about the relationship of friendship. 05:39.417 --> 05:42.659 [SPEAKER_01]: And what does it mean to be a great friend? 05:43.219 --> 05:49.363 [SPEAKER_01]: And what do you personally think you owe someone that you owe someone else as their friend? 05:51.464 --> 05:58.268 [SPEAKER_03]: I think what it means to be a good friend is that you're like, you cheer on each other for their accomplishments and there's no jealousy there. 05:58.749 --> 06:22.650 [SPEAKER_03]: like if they tell you something they achieved like an accomplishment they did there's no jealousy and you're just proud of them and I feel like a lot of people don't really do that enough for each other and sometimes there's jealousy and they kind of just think it's normal because it how often it happens nowadays and I feel like having a friendship is important like 06:24.250 --> 06:29.031 [SPEAKER_03]: Not saying you need a ton of ton of friends, but having a couple genuine friends, it's really helpful. 06:30.711 --> 06:31.451 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 06:31.591 --> 06:31.991 [SPEAKER_01]: Excellent. 06:32.271 --> 06:37.592 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it sounds like also you are sorting the difference between a friend and what we might say some years ago, a friend of me. 06:37.792 --> 06:47.054 [SPEAKER_01]: Like someone who you think is your friend, but they can't really, as a scripture would say, with you when you weep and rejoice with you when you rejoice. 06:47.174 --> 06:50.575 [SPEAKER_01]: And some people can cry with you, but they can't celebrate you, right? 06:50.635 --> 06:52.875 [SPEAKER_01]: So it sounds like you're making a distinction between those. 06:53.335 --> 06:54.136 [SPEAKER_01]: Who else would like this year? 06:54.156 --> 06:55.357 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what's it mean to be a good friend? 06:56.078 --> 07:00.462 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, I think for like me, I feel like to be a good friend for me. 07:00.542 --> 07:03.786 [SPEAKER_04]: I think I need to be someone that they can come and talk to. 07:04.386 --> 07:15.818 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, I think that also just takes time though for some of the big comfortable with you, but I think me being like, hey, like, I, if you want to talk, I'm here for you and just kind of giving them or letting them know that, hey, I am here for you. 07:16.538 --> 07:22.941 [SPEAKER_04]: But also I think just having honesty and trust being like, you know, you know, you ought to be mean about it. 07:23.041 --> 07:32.645 [SPEAKER_04]: You know, when you're trying to be honest, but also make sure that they understand that you're coming from a genuine place of like, hey, I just want to tell you, I don't know about that person, or I don't know about what you're doing right here. 07:32.665 --> 07:35.006 [SPEAKER_04]: I would suggest maybe you do something else, but yeah. 07:35.807 --> 07:36.007 [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome. 07:36.307 --> 07:36.627 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 07:37.224 --> 07:37.864 [SPEAKER_02]: What would you add? 07:38.564 --> 07:42.386 [SPEAKER_02]: For me, you know, I haven't like a real friend. 07:42.506 --> 07:46.467 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like someone you can count on when you really need them. 07:46.487 --> 07:49.908 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, like, yeah, you guys will have your arguments. 07:50.568 --> 07:51.548 [SPEAKER_02]: You'll make fun of each other. 07:52.188 --> 07:56.170 [SPEAKER_02]: But when it comes down to it, if you really need someone to rely on, you know, they'll be there for you. 07:56.630 --> 08:00.331 [SPEAKER_02]: And you can generally trust what they have to say. 08:00.371 --> 08:01.551 [SPEAKER_02]: No, they're looking out for you. 08:02.011 --> 08:04.132 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, they have your best interests at heart. 08:04.700 --> 08:05.080 [SPEAKER_01]: Excellent. 08:05.320 --> 08:05.720 [SPEAKER_01]: Excellent. 08:06.101 --> 08:07.541 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so here's my next question, then. 08:07.801 --> 08:09.682 [SPEAKER_01]: Now that we are good in warmed up, y'all ready? 08:11.662 --> 08:20.425 [SPEAKER_01]: How does your faith in church community influence the way you approach or you might approach one day dating or romantic relationship? 08:20.885 --> 08:24.026 [SPEAKER_01]: So what is your faith and maybe your church community? 08:24.146 --> 08:28.488 [SPEAKER_01]: How does that shape and inform the way you would think about a romantic relationship? 08:30.138 --> 08:33.580 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, so does Rebecca, I'm sorry. 08:34.081 --> 08:34.481 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, okay. 08:35.101 --> 08:57.877 [SPEAKER_03]: I think it helps shape your morals more like to where you won't it kind of helps you not settle for like good enough like how I said earlier and that you can find somebody that'll treat you well and will help you with your faith so you both can improve so it's not just like one person gets something out of it, but it's not 08:58.974 --> 09:03.415 [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm not saying you need something out of the deal, but it's better for you both to improve. 09:03.795 --> 09:04.695 [SPEAKER_03]: Just being there. 09:05.175 --> 09:06.216 [SPEAKER_01]: Good, excellent. 09:06.236 --> 09:22.360 [SPEAKER_01]: So if I'm tracking, you let me know if I'm picking up what you're putting down that a part of what you've learned from your faith or your church community is that if you're in a romantic relationship with someone, that person needs to also be growing and you growing together, right? 09:22.440 --> 09:23.180 [SPEAKER_01]: So that you're kind of 09:24.240 --> 09:30.524 [SPEAKER_01]: If we were using like Bible Lingo, we would say something like iron sharpening iron, right, which is why it's important to have someone. 09:30.604 --> 09:34.167 [SPEAKER_01]: If they're growing, you want to be growing to advice versa. 09:34.487 --> 09:34.847 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 09:34.867 --> 09:36.969 [SPEAKER_01]: It's more likely to become like the company that you keep. 09:37.589 --> 09:37.949 [SPEAKER_01]: Excellent. 09:38.510 --> 09:39.490 [SPEAKER_01]: How about how about you, me? 09:39.510 --> 09:40.351 [SPEAKER_01]: I think you were going to speak. 09:40.691 --> 09:42.792 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, yeah, um, faith wise. 09:42.932 --> 10:01.417 [SPEAKER_04]: I think I have a lot of, when it comes to romantic relationships and why I see like a partner, especially like a long like lifelong partner, I think there's a lot of Christian values and, um, like a traditional views that I still, but like, but like she said, I think someone that you can grow like faith wise, but also just like in life in general, grow with, um, 10:02.017 --> 10:18.452 [SPEAKER_04]: learn from as well because I feel like just because you guys are in a relationship doesn't mean that you guys know everything about each other and you guys are so learning about each other and just about like life lessons I think so yeah yeah for sure yeah what you did chime in and then I've got a follow up question is you should be ready to expect okay okay 10:20.180 --> 10:23.661 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like church and like faith in general. 10:24.281 --> 10:31.743 [SPEAKER_02]: It kind of teaches you what you should want in a relationship and it's like what the end goal should be. 10:32.244 --> 10:38.965 [SPEAKER_02]: Like when you're looking for, you know, like she said lifelong partners or just people you're gonna spend a lot of time with. 10:38.985 --> 10:43.067 [SPEAKER_02]: It kind of tells you what you should be looking for in a person. 10:43.707 --> 10:44.667 [SPEAKER_01]: Does that help you? 10:45.887 --> 10:47.168 [SPEAKER_01]: So here's my first question for you. 10:48.158 --> 10:53.143 [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like the church and faith that you're a perspective for a long time, long-term partnership. 10:53.823 --> 10:55.665 [SPEAKER_01]: But let's say you're like, sixteen. 10:56.886 --> 10:58.848 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're not looking for your spouse. 11:01.797 --> 11:12.340 [SPEAKER_02]: It's still going to be important, but when you're young, of course, you're going to make more mistakes and you're not going to have everything together. 11:12.520 --> 11:18.442 [SPEAKER_02]: So there's still going to be a lot of trial and error and there's some things you have to figure out for yourself because 11:19.262 --> 11:22.864 [SPEAKER_02]: People can give you advice, but no one can really tell you how to live your life. 11:23.024 --> 11:25.705 [SPEAKER_02]: You have to decide certain things on your own. 11:26.185 --> 11:26.606 [SPEAKER_01]: Gotcha. 11:26.686 --> 11:27.106 [SPEAKER_01]: Gotcha. 11:27.766 --> 11:35.110 [SPEAKER_01]: So what has, and sometimes when we're taught things, sometimes we're taught things like right on the nose, like explicitly, like someone's like, here's a teaching, one, two, three, four. 11:35.690 --> 11:43.754 [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we learn things, and honestly, the way that we, we primarily learn things as humans is implicitly, like we pick, pick up the vibes, right? 11:44.434 --> 11:47.157 [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we interpret it right and sometimes we don't, okay? 11:47.497 --> 12:00.571 [SPEAKER_01]: So what have you learned explicitly like on the nose and implicitly about what kind of partner you should want from the church and from your thing? 12:02.473 --> 12:06.257 [SPEAKER_04]: I think explicitly for sure someone that 12:08.222 --> 12:12.608 [SPEAKER_04]: Like you said someone that can be with you and but it's also someone who can rejoice for you because not everyone can do that. 12:13.209 --> 12:16.874 [SPEAKER_04]: Someone that will be by your side do like the rough days, but also the good days. 12:17.696 --> 12:22.403 [SPEAKER_04]: I've also learned that someone who like you said doesn't bring you down, you know, they're there to encourage you. 12:22.943 --> 12:26.244 [SPEAKER_04]: Like I said, you need to be honest by the same time you don't need to be cruel about it. 12:26.544 --> 12:29.085 [SPEAKER_04]: It's just you being like just genuinely be honest with them. 12:29.145 --> 12:47.992 [SPEAKER_04]: But I think for sure, explicitly and implicitly, I think just like no games, if I think since the nowadays there's a lot of games and relationships, but something just really true and with two intentions and being upfront like, okay, I want this, I really should, what do you want this relationship? 12:49.312 --> 12:50.473 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I saw the old right there. 12:51.253 --> 12:52.754 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, but yeah, just that. 12:53.114 --> 12:53.915 [SPEAKER_01]: That's excellent. 12:53.955 --> 12:54.615 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for sharing. 12:54.875 --> 12:55.976 [SPEAKER_01]: Anybody else want to chime in? 12:56.056 --> 12:59.037 [SPEAKER_01]: What do you feel like you've been taught that you should want? 13:01.419 --> 13:14.406 [SPEAKER_03]: Um, I feel like you should want someone that'll help you grow in faith, but also you help them grow too, because you should want that and it'll help both of you in the long run. 13:16.127 --> 13:16.407 [SPEAKER_03]: Excellent. 13:17.769 --> 13:18.349 [SPEAKER_01]: What would you say? 13:18.909 --> 13:28.192 [SPEAKER_02]: One thing I've learned explicitly is what to avoid and what type of people you should avoid hanging around a lot. 13:29.093 --> 13:35.274 [SPEAKER_02]: And then like implicitly would be, you know, just kind of like how to read people. 13:35.294 --> 13:40.756 [SPEAKER_02]: Because like not everyone is going to be open about their intentions. 13:40.856 --> 13:46.298 [SPEAKER_02]: So one thing you learn is kind of learn to figure out what people are really after. 13:47.087 --> 13:47.327 [SPEAKER_02]: Sure. 13:48.268 --> 13:55.135 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so here's a question and you can answer this based on your own experience or what you think you would do going forward, okay? 13:55.755 --> 14:01.681 [SPEAKER_01]: So who do you trust to give you wisdom about relationships? 14:02.802 --> 14:06.666 [SPEAKER_01]: Friendships as well as like future romantic relationships and why is that? 14:09.666 --> 14:18.117 [SPEAKER_02]: I trust, I trust some of my friends, the ones that have been through relationships before, I trust them. 14:18.137 --> 14:23.585 [SPEAKER_02]: Honestly, I don't talk to my family about relationships much. 14:24.486 --> 14:26.489 [SPEAKER_02]: Not because I can't, but just because 14:29.525 --> 14:36.147 [SPEAKER_02]: both my parents are married, you know, it's been, and dating nowadays is pretty different. 14:36.227 --> 14:38.948 [SPEAKER_02]: And then my brother, he has his own stuff going on. 14:39.668 --> 14:57.153 [SPEAKER_02]: So mostly it's like my friends and people, my older brother definitely, because, you know, like people who understand today's dating world as well as just my own experiences, you know, like kind of rely on what I've been through in the past to kind of guide me in the future. 14:57.655 --> 15:00.418 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so maybe some friends, not all of them. 15:01.239 --> 15:01.960 [SPEAKER_02]: Not always. 15:01.980 --> 15:03.202 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, not always. 15:03.242 --> 15:06.165 [SPEAKER_02]: Some people don't really know much, but those who have 15:07.018 --> 15:13.784 [SPEAKER_02]: been in relationships or who have healthy relationships, usually know what to look for, what to avoid. 15:14.064 --> 15:16.886 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's good to go to them for advice if you're unsure. 15:17.127 --> 15:17.347 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 15:17.667 --> 15:23.952 [SPEAKER_01]: And it sounds like you can talk to your family about things, but you wouldn't necessarily talk to them about this topic. 15:24.093 --> 15:31.439 [SPEAKER_02]: Like if I really needed to, I could, like, unless it's a major issue, I usually don't. 15:31.739 --> 15:33.961 [SPEAKER_02]: Because, again, 15:35.242 --> 15:36.943 [SPEAKER_02]: It's not really something I need to bring to them. 15:37.283 --> 15:38.944 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I don't think you're alone in there. 15:39.204 --> 15:42.406 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't I don't I think other people might that might resonate with them as well. 15:42.786 --> 15:43.527 [SPEAKER_01]: What would you all say? 15:46.160 --> 15:52.502 [SPEAKER_04]: I can go um I was the first sure there's some like he said there's some friends that you know you're like I love you, but I want to take this. 15:52.522 --> 15:53.403 [SPEAKER_01]: This is in your strength. 15:53.623 --> 15:54.663 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, this is your strength. 15:54.703 --> 15:55.884 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to go to someone else. 15:56.184 --> 16:12.170 [SPEAKER_04]: But I think for like the minor stuff and the relationship like oh well he didn't do something today that wanted him to do I would go to my friends, but if it's something like major like something that I just feel like I needs a little bit more wisdom and input on it I would go to like my parents even though it would be kind of awkward like hey 16:12.590 --> 16:19.212 [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, I'm kind of this relationship and each or vice, but I know that, you know, they have more wisdom so they can give more input into it. 16:19.312 --> 16:20.693 [SPEAKER_04]: So I would do that. 16:21.433 --> 16:21.813 [SPEAKER_04]: Gotcha. 16:22.773 --> 16:37.458 [SPEAKER_03]: So like in the future, I would probably go to like only like one of my friends like my best friend because my other friends is not that it's like some things you just don't tell people or don't talk to about with certain people and 16:39.735 --> 16:43.376 [SPEAKER_03]: Like she said, if it was bigger than I would probably go to my parents. 16:43.576 --> 16:43.837 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 16:44.017 --> 16:44.217 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 16:45.357 --> 16:46.858 [SPEAKER_01]: So what are your thoughts about this? 16:47.658 --> 16:52.200 [SPEAKER_01]: Should the church or like youth group? 16:53.100 --> 16:57.942 [SPEAKER_01]: Should that be a place where people talk about relationships and even romantic relationships? 16:58.842 --> 17:06.525 [SPEAKER_01]: And if yes, I mean, you can say no, but if yes, what would be helpful in shaping that conversation? 17:06.685 --> 17:07.585 [SPEAKER_01]: And what should it be like? 17:08.826 --> 17:09.166 [SPEAKER_02]: I think 17:10.879 --> 17:17.492 [SPEAKER_02]: Under the right circumstances, it could be a place to talk about relationships, but it would require 17:19.878 --> 17:29.263 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it would kind of depend on who's there because you can't tell everyone your business and you can't, again, you can't trust everyone's input. 17:30.143 --> 17:46.592 [SPEAKER_02]: So I feel like with the right people, it could definitely be helpful because some people, you know, they can't go to their parents or they don't have a lot of friends they can go to to talk about it and church is usually a good place to get advice about life. 17:47.550 --> 17:47.790 [SPEAKER_04]: Awesome. 17:49.072 --> 17:50.733 [SPEAKER_04]: I think especially for teenagers. 17:50.753 --> 17:55.138 [SPEAKER_04]: I think like you said, we're like kind of, you don't really know what's going on. 17:55.178 --> 17:56.800 [SPEAKER_04]: We just kind of learning as we go along. 17:57.120 --> 18:02.005 [SPEAKER_04]: So I think having like those lessons, sometimes in the church, sometimes it can't get a little bit. 18:03.865 --> 18:05.687 [SPEAKER_04]: a little bit judgmental, but a home. 18:06.127 --> 18:07.688 [SPEAKER_04]: Well, that's what I heard. 18:07.708 --> 18:09.290 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 18:09.470 --> 18:23.782 [SPEAKER_04]: But I think like certain things like being like, okay, this is like the signs if like your unhealthy relationship, like romantically, I think just having those like informational meetings, being like, you know, you don't have to share anything, but this is some tips and signs. 18:24.002 --> 18:27.085 [SPEAKER_04]: Just kind of it being anonymous, but at the same time, not in a certain way. 18:28.126 --> 18:28.446 [SPEAKER_04]: But yeah. 18:28.466 --> 18:29.407 [SPEAKER_04]: Like I said as well. 18:29.687 --> 18:29.947 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 18:30.328 --> 18:30.468 [SPEAKER_01]: Sure. 18:31.121 --> 18:40.964 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I would say yes and no like kind of how she said like they don't have to share like you can tell what is like a healthy relationship and what should happen in your relationship. 18:41.604 --> 18:48.166 [SPEAKER_03]: But I don't think like they should have to share anything if they like don't want to but only sheriff like they really want to. 18:48.526 --> 18:48.867 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 18:49.287 --> 18:52.368 [SPEAKER_01]: So I mean, apparently me, I feel like what you described was 18:53.788 --> 19:15.440 [SPEAKER_01]: almost like kind of like an educational program that says you know these are the ten signs that this person is crazy I mean that's probably what I would title it but but something that helps people say like this is how you know your relationship that's unhealthy or abusive or um this is these are some principles that we we know from scripture about what it means to grow a healthy relationship for example 19:15.920 --> 19:30.169 [SPEAKER_01]: But the part, I feel like I hear all of you saying is that the comfort level and the safety of the group really matters to be able to share out kind of what's going on in your life, like how you are picking friends or maybe in the future or now how you think about a romantic partner. 19:30.189 --> 19:31.730 [SPEAKER_01]: Is that, am I? 19:31.970 --> 19:33.671 [SPEAKER_04]: Yes, I can. 19:34.271 --> 19:34.471 [SPEAKER_01]: Sure. 19:34.791 --> 19:35.532 [SPEAKER_01]: Anything else you want to add? 19:37.572 --> 19:38.833 [SPEAKER_04]: No, I think we're good on that one. 19:39.013 --> 19:39.753 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, excellent. 19:39.833 --> 19:40.073 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 19:40.794 --> 19:47.418 [SPEAKER_01]: So have you ever had to walk away from a friendship or relationship that wasn't good for you? 19:47.938 --> 19:48.699 [SPEAKER_01]: And what was that like? 19:51.040 --> 19:55.443 [SPEAKER_04]: I personally, fortunately, I haven't had to, hopefully never in the future. 19:55.763 --> 20:00.045 [SPEAKER_04]: But I know some people who have and you know, I has always been pretty. 20:00.505 --> 20:05.448 [SPEAKER_04]: But I think it was necessary in order for them to be in a good head space and for them to kind of have their peace. 20:07.689 --> 20:14.257 [SPEAKER_03]: I have had to walk away from my friendship before, only like once though, but it wasn't that healthy. 20:14.738 --> 20:16.680 [SPEAKER_03]: So I kind of just had to like step away. 20:17.130 --> 20:25.612 [SPEAKER_03]: But it was easier for me because I kind of just like stop seeing them because of like, I saw them at school and stuff and then they switched schools and stuff and then I switched to. 20:26.092 --> 20:27.452 [SPEAKER_03]: So then I didn't really see them again. 20:27.793 --> 20:28.893 [SPEAKER_01]: So got you. 20:28.913 --> 20:29.213 [SPEAKER_01]: So that. 20:29.533 --> 20:30.793 [SPEAKER_01]: So that kind of helped, right? 20:30.813 --> 20:34.514 [SPEAKER_01]: So you didn't have to have kind of a confrontation per se about that. 20:35.034 --> 20:44.957 [SPEAKER_01]: But looking back on that, how would you, looking back on it like so in retrospect, how would you know that there were pieces of it that you're like, this, this has got to change. 20:44.977 --> 20:45.597 [SPEAKER_01]: This shouldn't be 20:46.437 --> 20:46.937 [SPEAKER_01]: a friendship. 21:08.686 --> 21:12.847 [SPEAKER_00]: ten by ten aims to raise youth discipleship to a top priority for ministry leaders. 21:13.387 --> 21:19.569 [SPEAKER_00]: Visit one zero one zero dot org and follow at ten by ten collab on social media to learn more. 21:19.829 --> 21:23.750 [SPEAKER_00]: Together we can inspire and uplift the next generation in their faith journey. 21:28.091 --> 21:35.893 [SPEAKER_03]: Almost if like they're almost jealous that you have other friends because I feel like it's different than being left out when 21:37.377 --> 21:45.322 [SPEAKER_03]: So like say two people are friends and then you come later but they already have stuff planned and you're not as close yet and they're like hanging out or something. 21:45.882 --> 21:53.007 [SPEAKER_03]: You can't get too too mad because they already know each other but like if you all get close eventually then it's kind of like okay they're leaving you out. 21:53.607 --> 22:04.414 [SPEAKER_03]: Like it's almost like jealousy but then if they're like trying to like stop you from being friends with someone else then it's kind of like this kind of toxic so 22:04.782 --> 22:07.143 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they feel toxic, for sure, for sure. 22:07.163 --> 22:08.744 [SPEAKER_01]: And Jay, what would you add? 22:08.824 --> 22:13.605 [SPEAKER_01]: So the question is, have you ever had to walk away from a friendship or relationship that wasn't good for you? 22:15.066 --> 22:22.769 [SPEAKER_02]: I have, I've had to walk away from both actually because it was just, it was more stress. 22:23.269 --> 22:26.551 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, the relationship was more stress than it was worth. 22:27.371 --> 22:29.412 [SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't bad all the time, but 22:32.041 --> 22:56.282 [SPEAKER_02]: the bad times outweighed the good so it wasn't really worth the amount of energy it took to maintain and then as for friendships like over time I kind of just realized they really have my back as much as I would like when I needed them sure compared to some of my other friends so over time I just distance myself we didn't really stop being friends but 22:57.773 --> 23:00.174 [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't as close with them as I was before. 23:00.394 --> 23:00.654 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 23:01.455 --> 23:03.236 [SPEAKER_01]: So here here's a follow up, right? 23:03.296 --> 23:05.757 [SPEAKER_01]: And so if you're like, no, this is not a resonate with me at all. 23:05.777 --> 23:06.917 [SPEAKER_01]: We'll move to the next question. 23:07.357 --> 23:09.418 [SPEAKER_01]: But have you looking back? 23:09.938 --> 23:15.401 [SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever been the friend that wasn't being a great friend? 23:16.481 --> 23:17.842 [SPEAKER_01]: And how might you know that now? 23:19.001 --> 23:21.822 [SPEAKER_04]: I think in middle school, maybe. 23:21.842 --> 23:24.282 [SPEAKER_04]: I think I just, I don't know. 23:24.302 --> 23:29.303 [SPEAKER_04]: I think there was just parts of me that I didn't know what then, but I reflected. 23:29.343 --> 23:30.404 [SPEAKER_04]: I was like, you know what that was? 23:30.484 --> 23:31.504 [SPEAKER_04]: And I shouldn't have done that. 23:31.524 --> 23:33.024 [SPEAKER_04]: That was a little toxic tray of mine. 23:33.864 --> 23:35.005 [SPEAKER_04]: But luckily I learned from it. 23:35.085 --> 23:35.665 [SPEAKER_04]: I reflected. 23:35.745 --> 23:37.245 [SPEAKER_04]: And I was like, you know what, moving forward. 23:37.305 --> 23:38.265 [SPEAKER_04]: That's a tray. 23:38.345 --> 23:39.346 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to have to work on. 23:39.366 --> 23:40.266 [SPEAKER_04]: So yeah. 23:41.047 --> 23:47.272 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and it gave me an example of some, so, see, this is your older self going back to your younger self. 23:47.632 --> 23:54.297 [SPEAKER_01]: What would your older self say to your younger self about, hey, this, you need to, I would tell her to chill out. 23:54.317 --> 23:55.558 [SPEAKER_04]: I would tell her to chill out. 23:55.899 --> 24:02.724 [SPEAKER_04]: No, I would tell her that, you know, friendship for genuine, and that they're, because it was about competition, like academic competition. 24:02.904 --> 24:05.866 [SPEAKER_04]: And that was nothing on the other friends part, those on my part. 24:06.747 --> 24:07.568 [SPEAKER_04]: And I would tell her that, 24:08.228 --> 24:11.870 [SPEAKER_04]: a friendship has more to do than just academics competition. 24:12.910 --> 24:16.492 [SPEAKER_04]: And you should not be competitive in any sort of way. 24:16.912 --> 24:23.515 [SPEAKER_04]: And if that's your true friend and if you really care about her, then you will not do those actions or those talk. 24:23.535 --> 24:24.755 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, for sure. 24:25.516 --> 24:26.036 [SPEAKER_01]: Anybody else? 24:28.977 --> 24:30.638 [SPEAKER_03]: I wouldn't say I was a bad friend. 24:30.658 --> 24:34.019 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think I'd never really have been. 24:34.039 --> 24:37.721 [SPEAKER_03]: And none of my friends have really been bad sometimes you just like 24:38.622 --> 25:06.383 [SPEAKER_03]: girl part for sure but I feel like there's certain things I've done that was kind of something a bad friend knew but I like eventually apologize to them so it wasn't like I thought that I was the victim or something I eventually figured out that it was wrong and then I apologize but I wouldn't say bad friend though but yeah everybody makes mistakes right but it sounds like a part of what you were able to do is at some point notice it go back and try to make it right yeah that's awesome 25:07.518 --> 25:08.138 [SPEAKER_01]: Say how about you. 25:10.560 --> 25:15.663 [SPEAKER_02]: Of course, you know, I can't really speak for myself, how other people interpret. 25:15.723 --> 25:16.683 [SPEAKER_02]: So, okay. 25:16.703 --> 25:25.008 [SPEAKER_02]: So some people who know me, some people who know me might disagree, but I feel like in general, I've been a pretty good friend. 25:25.028 --> 25:26.329 [SPEAKER_02]: I try anyway. 25:26.349 --> 25:33.053 [SPEAKER_02]: I've definitely made mistakes, but generally speaking, I think I'm a decent friend. 25:33.373 --> 25:35.175 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I hear you. 25:35.776 --> 25:40.582 [SPEAKER_01]: I have tried to be a good friend to you along the way, but I am sure that I've dropped the ball as well, right? 25:40.662 --> 25:42.644 [SPEAKER_01]: So, okay, so next question. 25:43.626 --> 25:44.847 [SPEAKER_01]: How do you think? 25:45.760 --> 25:50.801 [SPEAKER_01]: technology, texting, DMs, whatever y'all use it, I know that I can't keep up. 25:51.281 --> 25:55.302 [SPEAKER_01]: Has changed the way people your age form or maintain relationships. 25:55.782 --> 25:57.182 [SPEAKER_01]: And let me give you some context, right? 25:57.222 --> 26:05.124 [SPEAKER_01]: So, twenty years ago, the way that most people met for the first time is in some kind of social setting. 26:05.264 --> 26:10.485 [SPEAKER_01]: So it was like workplace, it was a shared community, whether that was church or a social club. 26:11.045 --> 26:12.265 [SPEAKER_01]: And we have seen those numbers 26:12.745 --> 26:13.946 [SPEAKER_01]: drastically change. 26:13.966 --> 26:20.669 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's up between anywhere between fifty and sixty percent of people are connecting for the first time in terms of romantic relationships online. 26:20.689 --> 26:22.830 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the primary way they meet in connect. 26:23.350 --> 26:24.791 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's really different. 26:24.811 --> 26:26.892 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a different skill set, different expectations. 26:27.772 --> 26:32.294 [SPEAKER_01]: Then seeing somebody face the face that you're going to have to see again, too, face the face, right? 26:32.335 --> 26:37.257 [SPEAKER_01]: So so talk to me a little bit about how technology school me a bit, help me understand this. 26:37.779 --> 26:44.482 [SPEAKER_01]: How does technology shape the way you or folks your age develop or maintain relationships? 26:45.983 --> 26:54.327 [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like it's changed a lot like you said, but sometimes some of the things that changed are good, but then some of it is bad because like 26:56.052 --> 26:58.233 [SPEAKER_03]: people can be kind of weird out there. 26:58.673 --> 27:08.215 [SPEAKER_03]: So like you can be thinking you're texting a person your age and then you decide to meet up and then it's not a person your age and it's the random person that you've been texting that whole time. 27:08.395 --> 27:10.696 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so that feels that feels like dangerous. 27:10.776 --> 27:12.156 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's like my mommy years. 27:12.216 --> 27:13.436 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, let's go dangerous, right? 27:13.456 --> 27:20.678 [SPEAKER_03]: There's a lot of people that catfish and then it's especially worse when some people decide that they have that level of trust, but they've never really met. 27:21.158 --> 27:26.862 [SPEAKER_03]: So I feel like in my opinion, if you haven't met in person at least once, you don't fully know them. 27:27.502 --> 27:32.566 [SPEAKER_03]: Because they could just be a random person that is not your age. 27:33.446 --> 27:39.470 [SPEAKER_03]: And especially on like dating apps and stuff, people can easily lie about their age because there's no confirmation of their age. 27:39.830 --> 27:41.952 [SPEAKER_03]: So they can act like they're older or younger than they are. 27:42.802 --> 27:43.883 [SPEAKER_03]: and they're not that age. 27:45.003 --> 27:55.730 [SPEAKER_03]: And yeah, there's just, especially if you like share your like location or something with them, or you tell them you're address, that's just not good, especially because they don't know them. 27:56.050 --> 27:58.191 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm, I'm tracking for sure. 27:58.231 --> 27:58.772 [SPEAKER_01]: That is not good. 27:59.052 --> 28:02.874 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I feel like you just gave a whole list of like bad reasons. 28:03.755 --> 28:05.556 [SPEAKER_01]: Are there, are there any like wins? 28:05.696 --> 28:06.296 [SPEAKER_01]: Hell, help me. 28:06.717 --> 28:08.118 [SPEAKER_01]: Are there any, any good reasons? 28:09.909 --> 28:12.751 [SPEAKER_04]: There's pros and cons of social media and just to mean people online. 28:13.111 --> 28:33.702 [SPEAKER_04]: I think the approach that you guys can take at your own pace and you can talk in different ways like you don't have to call you can text and you know or you can I just know you can go in your own pace because we do have some talk the talking stage and that's just it's like both the stage before dating and you're just getting to know each other and you're like okay do I actually like this person you actually want to be with them 28:34.343 --> 28:39.505 [SPEAKER_04]: And the talking stage, depending on who the person is, and their relationship can last anywhere for like weeks. 28:39.705 --> 28:41.165 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, as you were saying, or like months. 28:41.425 --> 28:42.826 [SPEAKER_04]: But, um, yeah. 28:42.986 --> 28:43.126 [SPEAKER_04]: Okay. 28:43.906 --> 28:44.206 [SPEAKER_03]: Days. 28:44.306 --> 28:44.526 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah. 28:44.546 --> 28:44.746 [SPEAKER_03]: Some days. 28:44.766 --> 28:45.707 [SPEAKER_03]: Some days. 28:45.807 --> 28:48.488 [SPEAKER_03]: They don't actually wait and actually get to know them. 28:49.028 --> 28:52.589 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, though me, and then they'll just start dating, and they don't fully know the person. 28:53.049 --> 29:00.971 [SPEAKER_04]: And then when they break up, they're surprised there's something or someone cheats or they're surprised when they're like, actually find that there's like something like kind of a little like a red flag. 29:01.031 --> 29:01.572 [SPEAKER_04]: It's like, yeah. 29:02.152 --> 29:02.312 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 29:03.208 --> 29:11.311 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, so look, I have to figure out the history of the word, talking like the talking stage, because that was definitely a thing in the nineties. 29:11.451 --> 29:13.112 [SPEAKER_01]: So at least goes back to the nineties. 29:13.152 --> 29:15.953 [SPEAKER_01]: I got to figure out how long people have been using that language. 29:15.993 --> 29:17.553 [SPEAKER_01]: But so Jay, how about you? 29:17.873 --> 29:28.257 [SPEAKER_01]: What would you say about the ways in which technology have been helpful harmful or neutral in people starting and maintaining relationships? 29:29.218 --> 29:36.540 [SPEAKER_02]: Again, there's all the cons that they said and the pros, but it also comes down to just like how you use it because 29:37.582 --> 29:39.543 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, there is a lot of negatives. 29:40.063 --> 29:45.186 [SPEAKER_02]: It can also be useful for, like, to say people move, you can stay connected. 29:45.226 --> 29:46.267 [SPEAKER_02]: For sure. 29:46.887 --> 29:50.529 [SPEAKER_02]: You can meet new people that, like, family members, or such. 29:51.289 --> 29:57.993 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's good for meeting people, but you have to be careful with it, because you can't trust everything you see on there. 29:58.713 --> 30:02.415 [SPEAKER_02]: So I feel like it really just comes down to how you're using it. 30:02.576 --> 30:03.236 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for sure. 30:03.756 --> 30:11.784 [SPEAKER_01]: So have any of you actually meant someone who was a friend or a person that you would have dated online? 30:12.644 --> 30:13.465 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no. 30:14.346 --> 30:15.947 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like you were supposed to know. 30:16.007 --> 30:17.829 [SPEAKER_01]: It was like, nope. 30:17.889 --> 30:18.430 [SPEAKER_01]: How about you, Jay? 30:19.170 --> 30:21.032 [SPEAKER_02]: I met some friends, you know? 30:21.232 --> 30:27.738 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, yeah, I met some friends, especially like through gaming and such. 30:27.958 --> 30:28.238 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 30:28.319 --> 30:28.659 [SPEAKER_02]: Cause like, 30:30.160 --> 30:31.941 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of good people out there. 30:32.381 --> 30:34.141 [SPEAKER_02]: You just have to be really careful. 30:34.781 --> 30:36.602 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, when meeting them. 30:36.702 --> 30:36.862 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 30:37.162 --> 30:44.224 [SPEAKER_01]: So in the gaming environment where you might be playing like a multiplayer game with people that are in all different places, you might connect with people there. 30:44.744 --> 30:53.327 [SPEAKER_02]: The gaming environment, it's I'm not going to say it's better because some of the people 30:54.645 --> 30:56.887 [SPEAKER_02]: Just like in the real world, some people are really nice. 30:57.467 --> 30:59.709 [SPEAKER_02]: And then there's a lot of terrible people out there. 31:00.610 --> 31:06.234 [SPEAKER_02]: But it's easier to connect in the gaming environment because you have shared interest. 31:06.434 --> 31:08.256 [SPEAKER_02]: It's easier to sort of get to know them. 31:08.536 --> 31:08.756 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 31:09.116 --> 31:09.336 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 31:10.117 --> 31:11.398 [SPEAKER_01]: I can see how that could be the case. 31:11.438 --> 31:11.658 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 31:11.958 --> 31:19.004 [SPEAKER_01]: And that feels really different than like a dating app or just someone just kind of dropping in your DMs, right? 31:19.024 --> 31:21.686 [SPEAKER_01]: You're kind of connected through an activity that you already like. 31:21.726 --> 31:22.526 [SPEAKER_03]: Can I add something? 31:22.747 --> 31:22.947 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 31:22.987 --> 31:23.127 [SPEAKER_03]: Sure. 31:23.347 --> 31:29.329 [SPEAKER_03]: I do feel like if you are going to meet someone you met online that you should at least meet them in a public setting. 31:30.650 --> 31:36.552 [SPEAKER_03]: So then if something bad were to happen, not saying it always will, that there's other people around. 31:36.592 --> 31:39.593 [SPEAKER_03]: So then if you need help, you can just like call out for help or anything like that. 31:40.114 --> 31:42.815 [SPEAKER_03]: Because if you're at your house or something, nobody can help you. 31:43.235 --> 31:43.415 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 31:44.229 --> 31:45.911 [SPEAKER_01]: You better teach these rules of safety. 31:46.151 --> 31:46.432 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay? 31:46.792 --> 31:47.553 [SPEAKER_01]: Very important. 31:47.873 --> 31:48.914 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm here for them. 31:49.435 --> 31:49.695 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 31:50.516 --> 31:51.658 [SPEAKER_01]: So here's the next question. 31:52.418 --> 31:56.103 [SPEAKER_01]: And this has to do with relationships with adults in your life, right? 31:56.243 --> 31:58.485 [SPEAKER_01]: And how you experience them. 31:58.726 --> 32:02.951 [SPEAKER_01]: And so do you feel seeing and valued by the adults in your life? 32:03.231 --> 32:03.992 [SPEAKER_01]: Why or why not? 32:07.245 --> 32:17.991 [SPEAKER_02]: I do, most of the time, you know, I don't always agree with everything, especially with my parents, you know, we only agree on everything, like most people with their parents. 32:18.011 --> 32:27.876 [SPEAKER_02]: But at the end of the day, I know, you know, they have a lot more experience and they're looking out for me, you know, just trying to do the best they can. 32:27.896 --> 32:31.918 [SPEAKER_02]: So even if I don't agree, I respect what they have to say. 32:32.258 --> 32:42.887 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what what might you say are some of the nicely with your family, but just in general with with people your age, what would be some of the things that you feel like there is kind of a conflict. 32:43.527 --> 32:48.031 [SPEAKER_01]: What are like some of the common things where people are not seeing I die usually just like. 32:49.873 --> 32:51.394 [SPEAKER_02]: Social stuff because like. 32:53.423 --> 32:56.365 [SPEAKER_02]: As my parents always say, it was a lot safer before. 32:56.385 --> 32:56.985 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 32:57.285 --> 33:00.147 [SPEAKER_02]: Whereas like now, you know, you got to be careful with it. 33:00.167 --> 33:01.008 [SPEAKER_02]: Pretty much everything. 33:01.228 --> 33:03.549 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, you know, I go out. 33:03.609 --> 33:09.353 [SPEAKER_02]: My parents are worried about me, you know, like be safe, you know, I know where you're at, who you're with. 33:10.473 --> 33:11.894 [SPEAKER_02]: And it makes sense. 33:12.335 --> 33:16.137 [SPEAKER_02]: It's annoying for sure, but I understand where they're coming from. 33:16.457 --> 33:16.857 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah. 33:17.198 --> 33:22.562 [SPEAKER_01]: When parents call, when parents are like, be say, they give you the be safe, be safe, be safe, be safe, be safe. 33:22.582 --> 33:24.984 [SPEAKER_01]: What, what are you also hearing along with that? 33:27.834 --> 33:33.762 [SPEAKER_02]: In the moment, a lot of times, I'm just like, I don't care about that. 33:33.782 --> 33:35.263 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I'm trying to go have fun. 33:36.365 --> 33:41.331 [SPEAKER_02]: But like, and you really think about it, they're worried about, they're worried about you. 33:41.411 --> 33:42.733 [SPEAKER_02]: They want you to be safe. 33:43.253 --> 33:44.895 [SPEAKER_02]: They want you to come back home safe. 33:44.956 --> 33:46.337 [SPEAKER_02]: They want you to get hurt or anything. 33:47.098 --> 33:52.739 [SPEAKER_02]: So parents being parents pretty much, trying to look out for you, take care of you. 33:53.339 --> 33:58.681 [SPEAKER_02]: So even if it is annoying, you know, at least you know why they're doing what they're doing. 33:59.021 --> 33:59.981 [SPEAKER_02]: And they're right. 34:00.521 --> 34:01.161 [SPEAKER_02]: Gotcha. 34:01.281 --> 34:01.621 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 34:02.342 --> 34:04.482 [SPEAKER_01]: Look, I bet they're gonna love to hit that part of this clip. 34:05.962 --> 34:09.923 [SPEAKER_01]: So, but let's pick up Rebecca and Mia into the conversation too. 34:10.003 --> 34:12.624 [SPEAKER_01]: So, do you feel seen a value by adults in your life? 34:12.764 --> 34:13.444 [SPEAKER_01]: Why or why not? 34:13.924 --> 34:16.665 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, for the most part, but with certain things like 34:17.786 --> 34:43.701 [SPEAKER_03]: like they try to understand certain things sometimes they don't and they only understand it in a certain way and sometimes since like you're younger then them they sometimes don't want to listen because I feel like everyone can learn from each other in certain ways but sometimes being older you don't usually want to listen to people younger than you and it's hard to like switch to be able to learn from them 34:44.221 --> 34:48.563 [SPEAKER_03]: But I think it actually helps in the long run learning from them because things are different. 34:49.304 --> 34:50.905 [SPEAKER_03]: So yeah. 34:51.585 --> 35:02.911 [SPEAKER_01]: And what's something that you feel like, and it can be an example from your own life or something that you've observed that you feel like there's wisdom that people, your age have. 35:03.631 --> 35:10.355 [SPEAKER_01]: And you've seen people who are older, not really listen to them about what might that be, what comes to mind. 35:11.410 --> 35:26.092 [SPEAKER_03]: I think sometimes it's kind of like when to say certain things like if they're gonna say something about how someone does something maybe don't say it around that person because nowadays 35:27.266 --> 35:43.761 [SPEAKER_03]: people are a little sensitive and I'm saying not saying that they were before, but I feel like people are just a slight bit more and maybe it's just because when people install people, everyone kind of just like comes for them. 35:43.881 --> 35:44.562 [SPEAKER_03]: So it's kind of like 35:46.672 --> 36:02.403 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, I think when I think about your generation, I think you're the generation who knows a lot, if you're not using this language of like cancel culture, or like the fact that words have like long term implications. 36:03.464 --> 36:06.325 [SPEAKER_01]: And that makes sense to me. 36:06.566 --> 36:08.167 [SPEAKER_01]: I think thanks so much for explaining it. 36:08.567 --> 36:09.508 [SPEAKER_01]: Mia, what would you add? 36:09.548 --> 36:11.989 [SPEAKER_01]: So do you feel seeing a value about adults in your life? 36:12.029 --> 36:12.590 [SPEAKER_01]: Why or why not? 36:13.050 --> 36:14.051 [SPEAKER_04]: I do, for sure. 36:14.531 --> 36:16.432 [SPEAKER_04]: Um, I think I relate to both of their things. 36:16.472 --> 36:19.314 [SPEAKER_04]: Like sometimes it's like, you know, you can't say that word. 36:19.334 --> 36:20.354 [SPEAKER_04]: It's offensive now. 36:20.374 --> 36:21.035 [SPEAKER_04]: They're like, what? 36:21.095 --> 36:21.775 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm like, yes. 36:21.915 --> 36:22.656 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I know. 36:23.036 --> 36:23.536 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm now. 36:23.556 --> 36:24.537 [SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm really trapped. 36:24.577 --> 36:25.898 [SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm really trapped in with you. 36:26.018 --> 36:28.899 [SPEAKER_04]: And they'll just say, oh, wow, my gosh, I can't say that. 36:28.979 --> 36:29.680 [SPEAKER_04]: You can't say that. 36:30.200 --> 36:34.285 [SPEAKER_04]: But for the most part, I do feel appreciated and go talk to them. 36:34.365 --> 36:35.446 [SPEAKER_04]: But it's just certain things. 36:35.506 --> 36:37.528 [SPEAKER_04]: It's like, yeah, like she's being sensitive. 36:37.888 --> 36:39.991 [SPEAKER_04]: And also, it's not like that big. 36:40.031 --> 36:41.052 [SPEAKER_04]: But like what technology? 36:41.272 --> 36:42.173 [SPEAKER_04]: They think they know best. 36:42.193 --> 36:43.775 [SPEAKER_04]: And I'm like, that's not how you do it. 36:43.915 --> 36:44.836 [SPEAKER_04]: If you just do this. 36:44.856 --> 36:47.158 [SPEAKER_04]: And they're like, no, no, I learned it. 36:47.198 --> 36:48.099 [SPEAKER_04]: I know how to do it. 36:48.119 --> 36:48.940 [SPEAKER_04]: It's like, no, it's not. 36:49.080 --> 36:49.841 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm gonna let you do it. 36:49.861 --> 36:50.642 [SPEAKER_04]: Don't want you do it. 36:50.942 --> 36:52.022 [SPEAKER_01]: Got you, got you. 36:52.303 --> 36:55.124 [SPEAKER_01]: So here is our last question already. 36:55.144 --> 36:56.664 [SPEAKER_01]: Has it moving along? 36:56.684 --> 36:57.344 [SPEAKER_01]: How are you feeling? 36:57.364 --> 36:58.285 [SPEAKER_01]: You're doing a great job. 36:59.445 --> 37:02.747 [SPEAKER_01]: What would you want since we've been talking already about, do these adults listen? 37:02.767 --> 37:04.647 [SPEAKER_01]: Can they take your wisdom or not? 37:04.687 --> 37:07.248 [SPEAKER_01]: But what would you want older generations? 37:07.848 --> 37:08.989 [SPEAKER_01]: We sound like we a hundred years old. 37:09.229 --> 37:17.532 [SPEAKER_01]: But what would you want older people to understand about your generation and how you build and maintain relationship? 37:17.612 --> 37:19.313 [SPEAKER_01]: So you have an opportunity right now. 37:20.613 --> 37:25.794 [SPEAKER_01]: with pretty large audience, that's going to be made of this population of the older generation. 37:26.414 --> 37:28.415 [SPEAKER_01]: And they're going to listen to you. 37:28.835 --> 37:30.155 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no doubt about it. 37:30.175 --> 37:31.635 [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to listen to what you have to say. 37:31.655 --> 37:40.697 [SPEAKER_01]: And they may even listen to you more closely in a non-threatened way than they might listen to the seventeen-year-old or fifteen-year-old that's in their life. 37:41.398 --> 37:48.219 [SPEAKER_01]: So what would you want the older generation to know or to understand about how your generation builds and maintains relationships? 37:49.350 --> 37:59.195 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I guess one thing would be like a lot of times things were very different when they were younger. 37:59.395 --> 38:05.298 [SPEAKER_02]: So like now some things haven't changed, but relationships are a lot more complicated now. 38:06.018 --> 38:11.480 [SPEAKER_02]: So while I do appreciate that advice and you know, I definitely respect it. 38:13.141 --> 38:14.262 [SPEAKER_02]: There's going to be a lot of like 38:15.934 --> 38:23.263 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to have to figure some stuff out on my own when I have to trial and error I guess because like what might be some of the complicated pieces. 38:23.674 --> 38:26.255 [SPEAKER_02]: Because like, just people are more complicated. 38:26.775 --> 38:28.516 [SPEAKER_02]: Like they said before, more sensitive. 38:30.136 --> 38:31.597 [SPEAKER_02]: It's easier to meet people. 38:32.637 --> 38:34.258 [SPEAKER_02]: Information spreads quicker. 38:34.278 --> 38:34.918 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 38:35.078 --> 38:42.001 [SPEAKER_02]: So you really got to be a little more, I guess, tactful with how you go about maintaining relationships. 38:42.561 --> 38:44.482 [SPEAKER_02]: So things don't always work the way they use to. 38:44.502 --> 38:46.883 [SPEAKER_02]: So sometimes, you know, 38:48.123 --> 38:53.728 [SPEAKER_02]: advice that would have worked when they were younger is not not really that effective anymore. 38:53.748 --> 38:58.892 [SPEAKER_02]: So you just got to kind of learn from people your age. 38:59.313 --> 38:59.573 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 39:00.173 --> 39:01.574 [SPEAKER_01]: Gotcha. 39:01.674 --> 39:02.956 [SPEAKER_01]: Or at least we can all try to kind of 39:03.846 --> 39:05.666 [SPEAKER_01]: understand and hear each other's perspective. 39:05.826 --> 39:11.908 [SPEAKER_02]: Some of it, like some of the advice definitely still works, but at the same time, not everything. 39:12.568 --> 39:18.169 [SPEAKER_02]: So some things, you kind of got to adjust as society changes, I guess. 39:18.750 --> 39:20.650 [SPEAKER_01]: When I listen to you, this is what I take away. 39:20.690 --> 39:23.171 [SPEAKER_01]: You tell me if this is right or wrong, feel free to like poke holes in it. 39:23.231 --> 39:29.972 [SPEAKER_01]: But when I'm listening to you, it sounds like one of the things that the older generation may not understand is that the stakes are higher. 39:29.992 --> 39:32.973 [SPEAKER_01]: It feels like 39:34.336 --> 39:44.759 [SPEAKER_01]: what you say, and what people say about you, it can last longer, and it can just be just be weightier. 39:44.799 --> 39:46.100 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I took away from that. 39:46.140 --> 39:46.920 [SPEAKER_01]: But what would you say? 39:47.580 --> 39:51.762 [SPEAKER_02]: I'd say that's right, because before social media and everything, 39:52.722 --> 39:54.062 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, information spread. 39:54.142 --> 39:58.864 [SPEAKER_02]: But like, if you move to a different city or something, nobody really knew you. 39:59.064 --> 40:00.284 [SPEAKER_02]: So you kind of get a fresh start. 40:00.344 --> 40:02.805 [SPEAKER_02]: But now you do something. 40:03.865 --> 40:05.326 [SPEAKER_02]: The whole world can see it. 40:05.746 --> 40:06.006 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 40:06.146 --> 40:09.167 [SPEAKER_02]: So you don't really ever get like a fresh start. 40:09.707 --> 40:12.628 [SPEAKER_02]: So you got to be extra careful with how you go about things. 40:13.068 --> 40:15.929 [SPEAKER_01]: That feels like an incredible amount of pressure when I hear you say that. 40:15.969 --> 40:17.129 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I felt that in my body. 40:17.169 --> 40:18.729 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, yeah, let them live. 40:19.130 --> 40:19.410 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 40:19.450 --> 40:20.190 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for sharing that. 40:21.434 --> 40:25.517 [SPEAKER_03]: I also feel like with certain things with how our generation is. 40:26.117 --> 40:33.023 [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like depending on the situation, sometimes even if you explain things to them, they may not listen. 40:33.803 --> 40:44.371 [SPEAKER_03]: So you kind of just have to let them learn the hard way and sometimes that's really how people learn because if you're going to just keep telling them what not to do and stuff and then trying to shield them from it, then 40:44.812 --> 40:48.300 [SPEAKER_03]: They're really not going to learn and they're going to keep almost getting into that situation. 40:48.340 --> 40:49.403 [SPEAKER_03]: You're just going to keep them in it. 40:49.804 --> 40:52.290 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so natural consequences is what that sounds like. 40:52.511 --> 40:52.912 [SPEAKER_01]: Gotcha. 40:53.092 --> 40:53.353 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 40:54.703 --> 41:16.320 [SPEAKER_04]: I think how I think other generations view us is that like we're just I don't know that they always just say like all the generations different and I think we really are I think because we grew up with like technology like we haven't like our fingertips and so I feel like we just have a lot of like what's normal to us is not normal to them and what we think is right is not 41:16.780 --> 41:17.360 [SPEAKER_04]: right to them. 41:17.900 --> 41:24.382 [SPEAKER_04]: I think we're just a little bit more like you said sensitive a little bit more cautious of what we do, what we say, what we wear. 41:24.402 --> 41:29.364 [SPEAKER_04]: And I think the over generation just kind of sees that as like a negative thing. 41:29.504 --> 41:32.185 [SPEAKER_04]: But I think that can be sometimes a good thing is sometimes a negative thing. 41:32.845 --> 41:40.607 [SPEAKER_04]: I think we're just really trying to be more inclusive and more like aware what we do sometimes that can go a little too far, but most of the time it's 41:42.023 --> 41:42.864 [SPEAKER_01]: Good. 41:43.124 --> 41:43.524 [SPEAKER_01]: Excellent. 41:43.865 --> 41:52.833 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, thank you all so much for sharing about relationships, what you think about them and being willing to share a bit of who you are with our audience. 41:52.953 --> 41:54.094 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really, really grateful. 41:54.655 --> 41:58.378 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for being the first group of teens at the table, y'all. 41:58.639 --> 41:59.900 [SPEAKER_01]: So give yourself a round of applause.