[SPEAKER_00]: Wait, wait.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before we start, just want to make sure we're clear here.
[SPEAKER_00]: While this podcast talks about sobriety, mental health and addiction, it is not meant to replace professional medical advice.
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Sisters in sobriety.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Kathleen, and I'm Sonia, and we're X sisters in law brought together in marriage and bonded through our sobriety journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: Join us as we talk sobriety, addiction and everything in between.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There is something for everyone.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Sisters in Suriety.
[SPEAKER_00]: Today, I'm sharing part two of my sober dating diary.
[SPEAKER_00]: So as we all know, first dates after divorce are supposed to be awkward, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: At least that's what I told myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: This one had potential, a guy who didn't drink, not because he was in recovery, but because he simply decided he felt better without alcohol.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, one of those enlightened people who realized Booz wasn't doing him any favors, and it was refreshing that someone just didn't drink.
[SPEAKER_00]: Since I was navigating sobriety on a much more intense level, I wasn't sure I even wanted to date someone who was also in recovery.
[SPEAKER_00]: So things are going well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then one day, we decided to meet at the park by my place, a wholesome stroll, nothing fancy.
[SPEAKER_00]: But as we started walking back to my apartment, he very casually suggested we stop by a cannabis shop.
[SPEAKER_00]: And Toronto is full of cannabis shops.
[SPEAKER_00]: There were three within a one block radius alone.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I knew that his company had some investments in cannabis products.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he mentioned he was curious to see if one of those products had made it to the store.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me explain something.
[SPEAKER_00]: Many of you know there's a whole movement called California's sober.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this idea where people abstain from alcohol, but still partake in other substances like cannabis or psychedelics to relax or enhance their life.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's sort of a wellness version of sobriety and for a lot of people it works.
[SPEAKER_00]: They still maintain control of what alcohol and embrace a more health conscious lifestyle.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I truly love that for them, but for me I can't do Callie sober.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I steer clear of all substances.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know myself too well and any mind-altering substance can easily become a crutch for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And of another way of avoiding all those uncomfortable emotions I've spent years learning how to face head-on.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a slippery slope and one that I'm not willing to slide down.
[SPEAKER_00]: I like to play the tape forward.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's in AA technique and it works for me every time.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I picked your myself smoking a joint.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, nobody deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't smoke again for a week.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then it's Friday night.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had a rough week and I think back to how relaxed I felt when I had that joint.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I decided to smoke another one and Tuesday rolls around.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a shitty conversation with my mom and I realized that I can instantly get rid of this stress by smoking.
[SPEAKER_00]: Guess what?
[SPEAKER_00]: A joint.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's much faster than Netflix and Ice Cream.
[SPEAKER_00]: So much easier than working out or going for a walk and way less work than journaling and actually confronting my emotions.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then next thing you know, I would be smoking every day to quail all manner of discomfort, physical, emotional, psychological.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's my tape when I play it forward.
[SPEAKER_00]: Back to the cannabis shop, I wasn't totally comfortable with the cannabis shop detour, just like I don't go into liquor stores.
[SPEAKER_00]: But he said he was just looking for bath bombs that his company had invested in and to see what their inventory was like.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then he explained how the bath bombs felt.
[SPEAKER_00]: He said they relax your muscles and then he just thought, came to him out of the blue.
[SPEAKER_00]: We should get some.
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll really love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like the best massage of your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I asked him a few times if they had any THC, and he assured me they didn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't totally convinced, but he seemed really confident, so I just went with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Good old CBD bath bombs.
[SPEAKER_00]: I told myself, and I had used CBD cream on my muscles after tough workout, so totally fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would be fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, keep in mind that my knowledge of alcohol and weed stops in twenty seventeen, so I don't know anything about white claw or bath bombs.
[SPEAKER_00]: Fast word to my apartment and he is filling up the tub like it was a scene from a rom-com except little less candlelight and more questions for me like are you sure there's no THC because I don't fuck with THC I asked for like the fourth time he not it earnestly and
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the cool girl, I no longer am, but I still sometimes want to be eye climbing to the top.
[SPEAKER_00]: So ten minutes in, he kept pushing my shoulders down.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I was a piece of bread he was dunking into soup.
[SPEAKER_00]: Relax, you're not gonna get the full effect.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to be totally submerged.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your shoulders have to be all the way in.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I got the full effect all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: My body felt like it was melting into the water, not in a relaxing way, but in a more like, I think I may be turning into a gummy bear way.
[SPEAKER_00]: My body was weightless, then I felt like it was under a weighted blanket.
[SPEAKER_00]: However, as I told him, I was feeling off, but he just waved it away, telling me it was all in my head.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no kidding.
[SPEAKER_00]: At that point, my head was starting to spin.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the time I got out of the bath, I was feeling full on weird.
[SPEAKER_00]: I lay down in my bed.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was super nauseous.
[SPEAKER_00]: My mind was racing with really weird thoughts.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm high.
[SPEAKER_00]: Fuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: I staggered back to the bathroom to inspect the bath bomb wrapper, and there it was in bold letters.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cush Queens CBD and Delta ATHC Bath Bomb.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cush Queen, what the actual fuck?
[SPEAKER_00]: This asshole.
[SPEAKER_00]: I laid back on my bed and I stared at the ceiling and wondered how the hell I'd gotten here.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did I let this happen?
[SPEAKER_00]: This was so past my comfort level.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there I was.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the shop, nodding along like it was totally fine because I don't want to be difficult.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there I was sinking further into the bathtub when he told me to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to be that easygoing, laid back up for anything girl I used to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: But guess what, I'm not her anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: I care about the consequences of my actions.
[SPEAKER_00]: I make my own choices based on what is best for me and not what some random guy thinks.
[SPEAKER_00]: was I so desperate to be normal that I would compromise my sobriety, my values, my sobriety, my responsibility, and as much as I want to be fun and flexible, that doesn't mean ignoring my boundaries.
[SPEAKER_00]: I woke up the next morning clear on who I was and what I was willing to put up with.
[SPEAKER_00]: I never saw him again.
[SPEAKER_00]: He had shown a distinct lack of respect for my boundaries, and he had treated my sobriety like a joke.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what's the moral of this story?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it turns out dating after divorce isn't just about finding someone who's okay with the fact that you're a sober.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about finding someone who listens to you and celebrates your sobriety.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was married to someone who resented my sobriety and saw it as a flaw.
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone who is ashamed of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the end, I wasn't the cool girl he had married.
[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe he's out right now enjoying fancy wine pairings with fabulous meals or at the club being the creepy middle-aged guy getting bottle service.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't change for him and I'm not going to change for anyone.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening to my sober dating diary.
[SPEAKER_00]: We will see you next week.
[SPEAKER_00]: This was Sister's Unsurriety.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening and being with us today.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to learn more about sobriety and meet your community, find us at sistersinsubriety.soogstack.com.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Until next time,