WEBVTT 00:03.570 --> 00:11.577 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Crystal Pain Show, where we help you embrace your life right where you are and give you practical steps to get where you want to go. 00:12.538 --> 00:21.766 [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you are in your car, folding laundry, cooking, cleaning, or maybe even just enjoying a cup of coffee in a few minutes of quiet, we're so glad you're joining us today. 00:22.426 --> 00:28.572 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your host, wife, mom of six kids, foster mom, entrepreneur and author, Crystal Pain. 00:33.364 --> 00:35.286 [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to another episode of the Crystal Pain Show. 00:35.326 --> 00:42.213 [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to talk about a topic today that I never ever would have thought I would be recording a podcast episode on. 00:43.454 --> 00:51.041 [SPEAKER_02]: Jesse, do you think that you would have ever seen me recording a podcast episode talking about this experience? 00:52.382 --> 00:53.623 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I had hoped for you. 00:56.811 --> 01:03.314 [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to talk about why I started going to gym classes for the first time ever in my entire life. 01:03.554 --> 01:07.256 [SPEAKER_02]: Namely, Namely, Namely, I cannot talk tonight. 01:08.417 --> 01:11.098 [SPEAKER_02]: Mind you, that's the word I, words I was looking for. 01:11.979 --> 01:14.700 [SPEAKER_02]: I am turning forward. 01:14.720 --> 01:15.701 [SPEAKER_02]: Is that right? 01:16.321 --> 01:16.821 [SPEAKER_02]: This fall? 01:18.642 --> 01:21.123 [SPEAKER_02]: It's funny that I couldn't find the words, and that was what I was trying to talk about. 01:23.052 --> 01:46.904 [SPEAKER_02]: a lot of people have had a lot of questions about this and I've talked about it some on Instagram but I wanted to do a podcast episode on it because it has been really profoundly life changing for me and I think that you could be listening right now going I have zero desire to go to a gym ever but what I'm going to share in order to talk about can be applied to so many different areas of our life and I think it's just 01:48.285 --> 02:03.438 [SPEAKER_02]: a really, really important story about how things that we've heard when we are little kids can impact us and hold us back and stifle us for years and years and years and years. 02:04.459 --> 02:07.381 [SPEAKER_02]: So this all started back in April. 02:08.408 --> 02:13.112 [SPEAKER_02]: Just a UNI had been talking about our summer and what summer was going to look like. 02:13.192 --> 02:19.158 [SPEAKER_02]: We talked about this to podcasts to go about us having our overnight and talking about summer goals. 02:19.678 --> 02:22.641 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's something that had really been kind of top of mind. 02:22.661 --> 02:26.084 [SPEAKER_02]: We're nearing the start of summer. 02:26.464 --> 02:28.666 [SPEAKER_02]: And we knew that last summer, 02:29.667 --> 02:38.864 [SPEAKER_02]: we hadn't prepped well and so it was all sent summers here and then it's like oh kids are out of school and they need so much and we 02:41.402 --> 02:52.891 [SPEAKER_02]: also work from home and how are we going to do this and when you have three very young children who have a lot of needs like it just became very chaotic and so I didn't want that to happen again this summer. 02:53.531 --> 02:58.915 [SPEAKER_02]: So I was talking with my friend Kate she is a single foster mom who's adopted to 03:00.076 --> 03:17.111 [SPEAKER_02]: sweet little kids from foster care and she was telling me about how she was super super excited about this thing she discovered and there was this gem in our area that you could sign up for and you got two and a half hours of free child care every single day. 03:17.831 --> 03:32.859 [SPEAKER_02]: and they also have a co-working space there and she's telling me all about it and all how excited she was and what was so funny is that the very very end of her telling me all about all the different things about the jam she goes oh yeah and they also have classes and stuff but 03:34.680 --> 03:41.926 [SPEAKER_02]: For us, it really peaked our interest because we were trying to figure out what we were going to do over the summer. 03:42.086 --> 03:46.469 [SPEAKER_02]: We don't have babysitters other than our older kids. 03:46.990 --> 03:53.395 [SPEAKER_02]: And because Katherine was going to be staying in Murphy's bro over the summer, we knew that we wouldn't have her help. 03:53.755 --> 03:57.278 [SPEAKER_02]: And so we were just tossing a lot of ideas. 03:57.478 --> 04:00.881 [SPEAKER_02]: So we thought we should look into the gym because maybe this could be 04:02.402 --> 04:20.407 [SPEAKER_02]: me know an option and when we went in toward and we did the math we realized for how much we would pay per month if we use the two and a half hours of childcare for our three younger kids a few times a week it would absolutely be worth it. 04:20.667 --> 04:29.223 [SPEAKER_02]: If we didn't use any other amenities of the gem, just drop them off the child care and we go sit in the cafe and work. 04:30.726 --> 04:32.589 [SPEAKER_02]: And so we decided to sign up. 04:33.679 --> 04:37.383 [SPEAKER_02]: And the other thing that I love is that it's not even childcare. 04:37.403 --> 04:56.202 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it is childcare, but they have classes for the kids, which is so much fun because they have dance classes and they have art classes and they have gymnastics classes and just lots of fun things so the kids are learning new skills and trying new things all while they're also being taken care of. 04:57.463 --> 05:07.891 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, so we signed up and then I was thinking, you know, and then also I could go walk on the treadmill sometimes while we're there because you have to be there while your kids are in the child care. 05:08.311 --> 05:09.732 [SPEAKER_02]: So I was like, I could get some work done. 05:09.753 --> 05:13.115 [SPEAKER_02]: I could walk on the treadmill and that would be great. 05:13.836 --> 05:14.476 [SPEAKER_02]: So that was my plan. 05:16.217 --> 05:19.600 [SPEAKER_02]: But I just felt this little tiny prompting. 05:19.620 --> 05:22.962 [SPEAKER_02]: It was like, you should take a glass. 05:24.054 --> 05:29.015 [SPEAKER_02]: You should go to one of the classes and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 05:29.815 --> 05:32.176 [SPEAKER_02]: I am not a jam class person. 05:32.216 --> 05:34.476 [SPEAKER_02]: That is not what I do. 05:34.496 --> 05:36.036 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, no. 05:37.457 --> 05:41.718 [SPEAKER_02]: And as I was really unpacking, like, where did that even come from? 05:41.758 --> 05:42.858 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I think it's really important. 05:42.878 --> 05:48.219 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, when you feel strong resistance to something, there's probably something deeper there. 05:49.018 --> 05:57.668 [SPEAKER_02]: Because immediately when I felt those thoughts, I immediately felt just like this massive resistance to those thoughts that I was trying to stamp them down. 05:57.688 --> 05:59.451 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, why? 05:59.471 --> 06:01.773 [SPEAKER_02]: Why am I so resistant to this idea? 06:02.414 --> 06:05.237 [SPEAKER_02]: And I had never connected the dots before. 06:06.627 --> 06:16.849 [SPEAKER_02]: But back when I was in second grade, when I went to a little private cushion school before I started being home school, I got to see in PE. 06:17.009 --> 06:20.469 [SPEAKER_02]: That was the only C that I ever got when I was in school. 06:20.549 --> 06:24.090 [SPEAKER_02]: I probably in high school deserve some C. He's not my favorite. 06:24.650 --> 06:28.071 [SPEAKER_02]: And he sees, and that stuck with me. 06:28.191 --> 06:35.132 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I remember the experience of being the child in PE who couldn't do what the other kids could do. 06:36.612 --> 06:45.016 [SPEAKER_02]: Just the, I don't know if you had this in your vehicle, but we all would line up at the monkey bars and everybody would have to go across the monkey bars. 06:45.036 --> 06:48.198 [SPEAKER_02]: I for the likes of me could not do monkey bars. 06:48.258 --> 06:50.099 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I could get the first few wrongs. 06:50.159 --> 06:52.860 [SPEAKER_02]: This is when this one has a second grade. 06:53.060 --> 06:54.541 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I know we did it first grade. 06:55.141 --> 06:56.341 [SPEAKER_02]: what we probably didn't first grade do. 06:56.381 --> 06:59.322 [SPEAKER_02]: I couldn't get it first grade, but I pretty sure probably couldn't get it. 06:59.443 --> 07:03.684 [SPEAKER_02]: Now, either have it tried them for years, but I just remember that humiliation. 07:03.764 --> 07:08.206 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, everybody else is doing the monkey bars, and I can go three, and then I have to drop. 07:08.286 --> 07:11.567 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I gave it my all, and I couldn't do it. 07:11.587 --> 07:12.427 [SPEAKER_02]: Or kickball. 07:12.747 --> 07:13.207 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, man. 07:13.948 --> 07:14.448 [SPEAKER_02]: Kickball. 07:14.568 --> 07:14.948 [SPEAKER_03]: That's fun. 07:16.092 --> 07:17.693 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, it was the worst. 07:17.973 --> 07:18.793 [SPEAKER_02]: It was the worst. 07:19.033 --> 07:24.955 [SPEAKER_02]: And I remember one day going up to kick the ball and, you know, all the kids are watching. 07:25.035 --> 07:25.796 [SPEAKER_02]: It's my turn. 07:25.856 --> 07:34.059 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to go kick the ball and somehow instead of kicking the ball, I like stepped on the ball and tripped. 07:34.219 --> 07:36.160 [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, this was in our gym. 07:36.720 --> 07:44.783 [SPEAKER_02]: And I felt flat on my back and whacked my head on the floor in the gym floor in front of everyone. 07:45.697 --> 07:46.337 [SPEAKER_03]: That was a hard tune. 07:46.677 --> 07:47.778 [SPEAKER_02]: It hurt. 07:48.558 --> 07:52.579 [SPEAKER_02]: But more than it just hurting, it was so embarrassing. 07:53.179 --> 07:55.900 [SPEAKER_02]: And I just remember, you know, when they'd have the thing where. 07:55.920 --> 07:57.781 [SPEAKER_03]: Do you do road plans? 07:59.521 --> 08:03.963 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't remember any road climbs, but if we had had them, I would not have been able to do that. 08:04.103 --> 08:07.324 [SPEAKER_03]: I think we had a road climb and monkey bars pull ups. 08:08.144 --> 08:09.384 [SPEAKER_03]: And it was hard. 08:09.404 --> 08:10.845 [SPEAKER_03]: I can do them. 08:12.428 --> 08:19.032 [SPEAKER_02]: I also remember the games where you'd have to team captains and they choose the people for their team. 08:19.112 --> 08:21.994 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was always one of the very last people chose. 08:22.034 --> 08:24.856 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's a dodgeball, dodgeball, it's terrible. 08:25.537 --> 08:29.559 [SPEAKER_02]: To this day, like as an adult, at youth group, we were playing dodgeball. 08:29.639 --> 08:32.001 [SPEAKER_02]: And I would try so hard. 08:32.441 --> 08:35.303 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I was aiming, I was looking at that person. 08:35.503 --> 08:41.467 [SPEAKER_02]: I had every single intention hit that person and I throw the ball and it would just be one go and record that person. 08:41.687 --> 08:43.309 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you've been pretty good at Dr. Walt listen. 08:44.190 --> 08:49.676 [SPEAKER_03]: In life, you're either the nail or the hammer chances are you're the nail. 08:50.317 --> 08:51.358 [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm real. 08:51.739 --> 08:52.800 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a great person. 08:52.860 --> 08:54.662 [SPEAKER_03]: Let's be on the other team and you're done. 08:54.722 --> 08:57.225 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll turn them at you all love me. 08:57.245 --> 08:59.187 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, but. 09:00.228 --> 09:29.297 [SPEAKER_02]: it was so interesting because I hadn't forgotten so many of those memories until I was sitting down in the office and I was thinking about why do I want to do the gym class but also so resistant to the gym class and it took me back to when I was in I feel like that was the last time that I've had any sort of formal workout exercise physical education sort of situation where there was a group of people and I was in it and I was just 09:30.412 --> 09:41.818 [SPEAKER_02]: terrible at it is how I told myself and so then it was like okay never again in my entire life am I going to ever volunteer to be in this position if when I had to be in it it was so terrible. 09:42.366 --> 09:45.808 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is where you could, because I know where the story's going. 09:46.108 --> 09:54.511 [SPEAKER_03]: This is where you see the difference between a teacher or a custodian and a coach. 09:55.732 --> 09:58.453 [SPEAKER_03]: And somebody that can coach you well and take you. 09:58.473 --> 10:03.335 [SPEAKER_03]: If you would have had a coach at that time, come beside you and say, you're good. 10:04.676 --> 10:06.457 [SPEAKER_03]: You're not feeling you're learning from this. 10:07.557 --> 10:09.378 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is what you need to do better next time. 10:10.477 --> 10:16.225 [SPEAKER_03]: you would have then excelled in that and that would no longer be considered a negative. 10:17.006 --> 10:22.655 [SPEAKER_03]: And something that you go back to that negatively affects your life today. 10:23.498 --> 10:32.605 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's just interesting because why did I get to see I still am wondering, because I couldn't do the things or was it because the teacher thought I wasn't trying. 10:32.625 --> 10:33.746 [SPEAKER_03]: I couldn't have been your attitude. 10:34.386 --> 10:37.849 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I do remember one time I had a really bad attitude. 10:38.289 --> 10:41.711 [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't the best student that came to my attitude. 10:42.552 --> 11:03.636 [SPEAKER_02]: I remember I had a really bad attitude towards this one girl that annoyed me so much, which is ridiculous, but anyway, she annoyed me and we were doing some sort of activity that required us to hold hands with our partner and I refused to hold hands with her because I was annoyed by her and so I remember I just sit on the side, I got in trouble and I had to sit on the side. 11:04.616 --> 11:11.858 [SPEAKER_02]: So possibly it was because of my attitude, but regardless, I just remember being very embarrassed, feeling very inferior. 11:12.718 --> 11:14.721 [SPEAKER_02]: And telling myself, I'm not good at this. 11:15.001 --> 11:17.204 [SPEAKER_02]: And so then as I got older. 11:17.224 --> 11:21.709 [SPEAKER_02]: But to anybody else, tell you that. 11:21.729 --> 11:26.695 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't recall the PE teacher being encouraging to me. 11:26.715 --> 11:28.277 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't recall the PE teacher. 11:29.674 --> 11:31.615 [SPEAKER_02]: coaching me up in any way. 11:32.035 --> 11:33.975 [SPEAKER_03]: But was she discouraging to you? 11:34.195 --> 11:34.795 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. 11:34.815 --> 11:35.776 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't recall that. 11:35.956 --> 11:37.016 [SPEAKER_02]: I just remember that seat. 11:37.096 --> 11:38.516 [SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like I've carried that seat. 11:39.137 --> 11:40.197 [SPEAKER_02]: That's been held around my head. 11:40.397 --> 11:50.100 [SPEAKER_02]: Even though I didn't actually pinpoint why I've avoided these situations until I, you know, years later, I'm saying my office, thank you. 11:50.160 --> 11:51.920 [SPEAKER_02]: Why don't I want to do a gym class? 11:52.360 --> 11:56.581 [SPEAKER_03]: So you turn that seat into another seat of courageous. 11:57.342 --> 11:58.282 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, we haven't gotten there yet. 12:01.749 --> 12:21.848 [SPEAKER_02]: So I have really been challenging myself this last year to do hard things, to do brave things, to step into bravery and there's been thing after thing after thing that I haven't talked about publicly because these aren't my stories to share publicly but things that I've had to do some really really challenging things. 12:22.729 --> 12:25.290 [SPEAKER_02]: that have required enormous amounts of courage. 12:25.910 --> 12:29.552 [SPEAKER_02]: And because of that, because of doing things when I was very scared. 12:30.713 --> 12:36.935 [SPEAKER_02]: But doing them anyway and facing these fears, it had built more and more courage in me. 12:37.255 --> 12:38.476 [SPEAKER_02]: And I realized, you know what? 12:38.496 --> 12:41.637 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm braver than I realized that I was. 12:42.498 --> 12:47.340 [SPEAKER_02]: And some of these things that had scared me so much for so long that I avoided for so long 12:48.976 --> 12:55.140 [SPEAKER_02]: When I actually did it, I was like, yeah, that was hard, but I'm still standing. 12:55.160 --> 13:07.828 [SPEAKER_02]: And I felt really good by doing it, and then some of the results from me doing those things were so good that it just empowered me to exercise even more courage. 13:08.528 --> 13:11.050 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I'm thinking about all these things, and I was like, you know what? 13:12.605 --> 13:16.467 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to stop avoiding the gym class. 13:16.487 --> 13:19.469 [SPEAKER_02]: It feels like a very silly fear. 13:20.229 --> 13:21.389 [SPEAKER_02]: But fear will do that. 13:21.590 --> 13:30.154 [SPEAKER_02]: It will take something that to someone else might seem very microscopic and it will turn it into this huge hairy beast of a thing where it's like, I can't do that. 13:30.434 --> 13:32.495 [SPEAKER_02]: That's too insurmountable. 13:32.535 --> 13:33.396 [SPEAKER_02]: That's too much. 13:33.576 --> 13:37.458 [SPEAKER_02]: That's so, so outside my comfort zone. 13:40.659 --> 13:52.106 [SPEAKER_02]: And one of the things that I did to help me actually follow through was I told the internet because I knew that if I actually put it out there that I was going to do it, then I would feel obligated to follow through. 13:52.326 --> 13:53.987 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was afraid that if I didn't 13:55.184 --> 13:59.687 [SPEAKER_02]: kind of make a deal of it that I would chicken out when it actually came time. 13:59.827 --> 14:07.393 [SPEAKER_02]: I'd come up with something like all of a sudden have a terrible stomachache or a terrible sore throat or some reason why I can't show up. 14:07.413 --> 14:11.156 [SPEAKER_02]: I have never done a class so I have no idea. 14:11.176 --> 14:12.837 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I mean, that's what you would say later on. 14:14.278 --> 14:16.940 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I also got a security blanket. 14:16.981 --> 14:21.265 [SPEAKER_02]: So I determined to do it even though it scared me so much. 14:21.985 --> 14:22.886 [SPEAKER_02]: I put it out there. 14:22.906 --> 14:25.148 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I feel like to get that accountability. 14:25.749 --> 14:28.211 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I got a security blanket. 14:28.371 --> 14:30.273 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that this is okay. 14:30.453 --> 14:36.078 [SPEAKER_02]: Like when you're first starting to do really scary things, it's okay if you need to 14:37.217 --> 14:42.881 [SPEAKER_02]: figure out something that's going to give you a little bit of extra security to be able to actually do the thing. 14:42.921 --> 14:50.927 [SPEAKER_02]: And for me, that was asking Caitlin, our just our eighteen year old, if she would do the class with me, which she was so kind to do with me. 14:51.147 --> 14:58.232 [SPEAKER_02]: And that was really special because she knew that it scared me so much to do it, but she signed up to do it with me. 14:58.252 --> 14:59.493 [SPEAKER_03]: She was excited to do it with you. 14:59.633 --> 15:06.478 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and to know because she knew that that I was going to walk into the room if she was going to walk in with me. 15:07.665 --> 15:17.653 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I was talking about all the internet and one person said something that was really profound and they said the hardest thing is oftentimes walking at the door. 15:18.294 --> 15:21.957 [SPEAKER_02]: And that was really what it was for me. 15:22.037 --> 15:24.779 [SPEAKER_02]: Because once you walk in that door, 15:26.122 --> 15:27.844 [SPEAKER_02]: It's pretty hard to walk out. 15:28.024 --> 15:33.189 [SPEAKER_02]: Like you, you know, it's kind of like you're committed, but you have to be willing to go walk in the door. 15:33.729 --> 15:40.115 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I did do research online to try to find a class that felt like, okay, this is a beginner level class. 15:40.335 --> 15:46.201 [SPEAKER_02]: I also at our gym use sign up for where you will stand in the room. 15:46.441 --> 15:48.343 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I chose like the very back. 15:48.503 --> 15:54.771 [SPEAKER_02]: corner where nobody would be behind me, nobody can see me, which I have since learned is actually really smart. 15:54.831 --> 15:56.173 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to share a story on that. 15:57.514 --> 16:03.201 [SPEAKER_02]: But so I just try to do everything that I could to make it a little bit easier. 16:03.362 --> 16:04.603 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that that's 16:05.324 --> 16:09.891 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, sometimes you don't have to do the scariest hardest thing in the scariest hardest way. 16:10.272 --> 16:14.238 [SPEAKER_02]: Like courage and bravery is taking little steps. 16:14.318 --> 16:17.923 [SPEAKER_02]: And this was a big step for me, but I cushioned it as much as I could. 16:21.368 --> 16:44.797 [SPEAKER_02]: got there and walked in the door and it felt like such a god thing honestly because I didn't know anything about any of the instructors and I just happened to choose the class with I feel like the best instructor at the gym she is the most encouraging, kindest, caring person like we actually text now 16:46.438 --> 16:50.481 [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm getting out of myself, but it was just like all the classes I could have chosen. 16:50.521 --> 16:57.386 [SPEAKER_02]: I just chose that because it worked out time-in-wise and because it looked like I could do it as a beginner, but it ended up that 16:58.743 --> 17:02.684 [SPEAKER_02]: God allowed me to choose an instructor that would be the perfect instructor for me. 17:03.285 --> 17:09.467 [SPEAKER_02]: She just goes out of her way to cheerlead people and I love that in her classes. 17:09.567 --> 17:26.953 [SPEAKER_02]: There is a very wide variety of body shapes and ages and abilities and she encourages everyone and she gives you lots of ways to modify and lots of ways to, you know, if that's too much, then here's how you can do less. 17:27.213 --> 17:27.593 [SPEAKER_02]: If that's 17:28.293 --> 17:51.326 [SPEAKER_02]: little here so you can do more but like no shame in whatever you do like this is your workout time this is your body you know what's best for you and so I was just really grateful for that and so I walked in the door didn't have a clue you know everybody else it's like they know oh this is what you're supposed to grab and this is what this means and all of this but I just was like you know what I went up to the instructor and actually she came up to me she was like oh you're new here 17:51.946 --> 17:56.269 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I just thought I was like, I've never been to a gym class in my entire life. 17:56.429 --> 17:57.470 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what to do. 17:57.650 --> 17:58.331 [SPEAKER_02]: Tell me what I need. 17:58.491 --> 18:00.392 [SPEAKER_02]: And that was also just really good. 18:00.432 --> 18:08.658 [SPEAKER_02]: Instead of pretending like I knew what I was doing to just kind of humble myself and just ask for help of just, okay, what do I need? 18:08.738 --> 18:11.159 [SPEAKER_02]: And she was so good about, okay, we're gonna do this. 18:11.179 --> 18:11.880 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we're gonna do this. 18:11.900 --> 18:17.924 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we're gonna do this and just kind of walking me through and helping me feel as comfortable as possible. 18:18.064 --> 18:19.505 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was just so grateful. 18:21.556 --> 18:29.481 [SPEAKER_02]: Another thing that I did that was to kind of to cushion the experience was I told myself, you know what, all I'm going to do is I'm gonna walk in that door and I'm gonna stay the whole time. 18:29.982 --> 18:40.049 [SPEAKER_02]: I do not need to push myself, wait, well, like as far as with the dumbbells, I don't need to get the heaviest one, I don't need to try to impress anyone or any of that. 18:40.069 --> 18:45.332 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I chose the lightest weights and I choose the least amount of reps. 18:45.793 --> 18:49.915 [SPEAKER_02]: All this was for me was getting in the door and staying to the end. 18:50.836 --> 18:55.640 [SPEAKER_02]: And when I got to the end, I felt so empowered. 18:55.720 --> 19:07.288 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, there was something in me, like, I wanted to cry because I was like, I have been scared of that for, you know, okay, since the time that I was what? 19:07.949 --> 19:08.830 [SPEAKER_02]: Eight years old. 19:09.710 --> 19:11.331 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm almost forty four. 19:12.549 --> 19:20.075 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, thirty-five years at least of my life, I have been held back by this fear. 19:21.330 --> 19:23.351 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm thinking, what else in my life? 19:23.811 --> 19:24.611 [SPEAKER_02]: Have I not done? 19:25.311 --> 19:37.435 [SPEAKER_02]: Because some silly thing someone said, or I thought they said, or a little tiny letter on a little tiny paper years and years and years ago that I've let hold me back. 19:37.635 --> 19:38.875 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, no more. 19:39.355 --> 19:40.775 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not doing that anymore. 19:40.815 --> 19:44.556 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm not playing that fear game anymore. 19:46.517 --> 19:47.258 [SPEAKER_02]: Here's the cool thing. 19:47.278 --> 20:03.148 [SPEAKER_02]: I have gone back every single week, Monday, Wednesday, when I can on Saturday, this instructor she teaches Monday, Wednesday and Saturday, I go to every single class of hers that I can make it to and will change our schedule around a lot to try to make it. 20:04.049 --> 20:09.873 [SPEAKER_02]: I have invited my friends, some of them have come, but also I have gone by myself so much of the time. 20:10.673 --> 20:14.616 [SPEAKER_02]: And last week, she said, hey, she's like, nobody comes with you anymore. 20:14.756 --> 20:16.057 [SPEAKER_02]: And you still show up by yourself. 20:16.117 --> 20:17.138 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so proud of you. 20:17.258 --> 20:18.839 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, you know what? 20:18.939 --> 20:21.121 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think that's a big deal to me. 20:21.201 --> 20:24.823 [SPEAKER_02]: And the thing I also love about this instructor is like, she knows people's names. 20:24.963 --> 20:26.364 [SPEAKER_02]: And she remembers things about you. 20:26.965 --> 20:29.827 [SPEAKER_02]: So even if you walk in the door in your little bit late, 20:30.087 --> 20:31.948 [SPEAKER_02]: She was like, how are you so welcome? 20:31.988 --> 20:33.289 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, we just got started. 20:33.329 --> 20:42.315 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, like, just make you feel so seen and make you just feel like you're part of this and she's introduced me to a lot of the people in the class. 20:42.375 --> 20:43.976 [SPEAKER_02]: I've kind of gotten to know some people. 20:44.076 --> 20:46.838 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, like, I sort of have Jim friends now. 20:46.878 --> 20:50.921 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, this is crazy, but also it has just been so 20:52.945 --> 20:55.386 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to think the word exhilarating for me. 20:55.406 --> 21:01.629 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just felt like something is coming alive inside of me that has been held back for such a long time. 21:02.070 --> 21:07.292 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm also building some great muscle and then I'm getting a lot stronger and that's really cool too. 21:07.652 --> 21:19.638 [SPEAKER_03]: What's interesting too is that you take the fact we're calling you out by name as a positive and not a negative because I think you would have at one point kind of that as a negative like oh she's trying to shame me by calling me out by name as I'm entering late. 21:20.879 --> 21:23.101 [SPEAKER_03]: because you never want to be late to things. 21:24.121 --> 21:29.385 [SPEAKER_03]: And you want to just sit in the back and so nobody notices, but you're stepping into that. 21:29.685 --> 21:32.266 [SPEAKER_03]: And I'll be late, but I'm here. 21:32.647 --> 21:32.887 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 21:33.127 --> 21:34.288 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, and I think that's the thing. 21:34.348 --> 21:39.711 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I know that she does such a good job of, there's no shame. 21:39.991 --> 21:43.734 [SPEAKER_02]: Like if somebody shows up ten minutes late, she's like, oh, man, there must have been bad traffic. 21:43.794 --> 21:47.776 [SPEAKER_02]: Like she just immediately, it's like, she's so happy that you're here. 21:47.877 --> 21:48.357 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, 21:48.737 --> 21:55.315 [SPEAKER_02]: until sometimes be like I can't believe you showed up even though you know and it's like like just I think that it 21:56.527 --> 21:57.608 [SPEAKER_02]: What are you writing? 21:57.628 --> 22:00.790 [SPEAKER_03]: You just depends on the inflection of, I can't believe they show them. 22:00.810 --> 22:05.333 [SPEAKER_02]: The way she says it, it just feels encouraging. 22:05.673 --> 22:10.696 [SPEAKER_02]: Like you did it, like you did this hard thing, you showed up, even though maybe you had a really hard day or whatever. 22:11.216 --> 22:13.978 [SPEAKER_02]: The other thing I love is that she does not call people out. 22:14.318 --> 22:24.225 [SPEAKER_02]: If your form isn't great, like she will not, if you ask for help, she's happy to help you, but she's not going to call you out in front of everybody and be like, 22:24.445 --> 22:27.766 [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, Mary, over there, you need to be like, flat back. 22:27.806 --> 22:37.848 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, now I do notice that if she's coming right next to you and she's like saying, just acting like this is for everyone, but she's saying, make sure you hold your shoulders high or whatever. 22:37.948 --> 22:40.029 [SPEAKER_02]: She's probably talking about you, but she won't ever. 22:41.249 --> 22:43.250 [SPEAKER_02]: You just have to pick up on those shoes. 22:45.510 --> 23:12.117 [SPEAKER_02]: and so I'm just it's just been it's been such a wonderful thing and I feel like it's grown me so much and grown my courage muscles so much for me now to just walk into gym class and I know where to go and like if there's a new person I will say hey you're new here like welcome you know I mean just this part of me is coming alive that I'm I'm just excited about and so I'm sharing all this because I just want to encourage people I feel like 23:13.048 --> 23:25.699 [SPEAKER_02]: There's so many people who are letting fear hold them back, who are letting something that was said to them, something that they believed about themselves, hold them back. 23:26.940 --> 23:31.343 [SPEAKER_02]: from stepping into something that actually might bring them so much joy. 23:32.044 --> 23:36.607 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I feel like when I'm in gym class, like there's just so much joy for me. 23:37.688 --> 23:42.011 [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't have to worry about what I look like. 23:42.071 --> 23:44.413 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't care about what people are thinking. 23:44.473 --> 23:46.635 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm just I'm there for me. 23:46.655 --> 23:48.596 [SPEAKER_02]: And there's something really 23:49.497 --> 23:52.998 [SPEAKER_02]: exciting about that for me as I just want to encourage you. 23:53.018 --> 24:08.702 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, is there something that you've been held back by fear that you'll look silly, fear that you can't keep up with other people, fear that everyone else will know exactly what to do and you'll stick out like a sore thumb that was me. 24:09.422 --> 24:13.623 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, and also you used to have because I was trying to get you to go to classes for 24:14.903 --> 24:16.304 [SPEAKER_03]: How long have we been here for? 24:16.324 --> 24:17.926 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, ten years almost. 24:18.927 --> 24:25.693 [SPEAKER_03]: And you always said, I can't do that because I will push myself too hard if I'm in with other people. 24:26.634 --> 24:29.837 [SPEAKER_03]: And now you're not even worried about what other people are doing. 24:29.977 --> 24:32.559 [SPEAKER_03]: You're in it for yourself and not worried about 24:33.639 --> 24:47.757 [SPEAKER_03]: what other people are thinking, whatever other people are doing, or if you're going to let other people push you past your ability or past what you think that you can do, you're just pushing yourself to your own, to your own, and I really appreciate that. 24:48.443 --> 24:53.369 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, and I think that's the thing that makes it so much more enjoyable because it's not a competition. 24:53.429 --> 25:01.538 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's why I love this particular instructor and the people who come to our classes because there is such, I mean, there's some that they're real good. 25:02.199 --> 25:07.505 [SPEAKER_02]: And there's some that they're very much beginner and there are some people who are 25:08.906 --> 25:16.568 [SPEAKER_02]: Significantly older than me who are in the class and they're just doing their best and I love that and so I just want to encourage you, challenge yourself. 25:17.228 --> 25:28.851 [SPEAKER_02]: What is the thing that you are thinking that as I'm sharing this, you know, you're kind of feeling that nudge of what would it look like for you to be braver? 25:30.371 --> 25:34.752 [SPEAKER_02]: My friend Megan Hype Miller, who's a leader of our mastermind, she challenges us. 25:34.772 --> 25:37.933 [SPEAKER_02]: What would it look like for you to be ten percent braver? 25:39.014 --> 25:39.795 [SPEAKER_02]: really think about that. 25:40.435 --> 25:43.718 [SPEAKER_02]: Like what would you do if you were ten percent braver? 25:45.399 --> 25:51.064 [SPEAKER_02]: What would it look like to step out and walk in that door and show up? 25:51.545 --> 25:55.188 [SPEAKER_02]: What kind of accountability do you need to put in place so you'll actually follow through? 25:55.208 --> 26:04.696 [SPEAKER_02]: What do you need to do to kind of help you cushion yourself and give you some bit of security blanket so that you actually will follow through? 26:04.896 --> 26:22.191 [SPEAKER_02]: Now I alluded to something earlier that was you know why I have learned maybe it is better to stand near the Bible class and we were talking about how I don't really care what people think and I'm just in there doing my thing well clearly I am because 26:23.271 --> 26:31.613 [SPEAKER_02]: One of the things early on in gym class that I discovered was that anytime we do jumping jacks, I really have trouble with incontinence. 26:31.873 --> 26:34.034 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, what are all these other women doing? 26:34.634 --> 26:35.034 [SPEAKER_02]: I get it. 26:35.114 --> 26:41.396 [SPEAKER_02]: I've had five kids, but also, like, how are these other women doing these jumping jacks and not just being their pants? 26:41.636 --> 26:49.898 [SPEAKER_02]: And I ask on Instagram and people are like, well, pelvic floor therapy for one, but also pantyliners, basically everybody's wearing pantyliners. 26:50.478 --> 26:51.739 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, okay, didn't know that. 26:52.460 --> 26:56.965 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, took their advice, but then I've been working on my public floor. 26:56.985 --> 27:04.032 [SPEAKER_02]: I've been going to the car park, and we've been working on a lot of core exercises, and I was just making so much progress that I was like, I'm gonna need the panty liners anymore. 27:04.052 --> 27:06.014 [SPEAKER_02]: And the last week. 27:07.946 --> 27:10.728 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, we had done this really intense workout. 27:10.748 --> 27:25.375 [SPEAKER_02]: It was our hour-long strength training one and at the very end, we do kind of a series of complex different moves and one of them was push stacks, which push stacks are a jumping jack where you're also holding away and you're pushing it out at the same time as your dummy. 27:26.436 --> 27:38.065 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was so focused on doing all of the different exercises in the timeframe and doing them well and staying coordinated, which I'm not extremely coordinated. 27:38.085 --> 27:44.390 [SPEAKER_02]: So this takes a lot of effort and a lot of thought that I wasn't even cluing into the fact that I was totally peeing my pants. 27:45.150 --> 27:47.452 [SPEAKER_02]: And we got through the second round. 27:47.572 --> 27:51.475 [SPEAKER_02]: And all of a sudden, I'm like, we had a tiny little break before we went to the third round. 27:51.495 --> 27:52.636 [SPEAKER_02]: And there's five rounds of this. 27:53.717 --> 27:56.118 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, my pants are wet. 27:57.218 --> 27:59.339 [SPEAKER_02]: All of the way to my ankles. 28:00.720 --> 28:02.881 [SPEAKER_02]: I had peed my pants all the way down to my ankles. 28:03.161 --> 28:08.203 [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, this was the week when I was like, I'm just getting braver and braver and braver. 28:08.243 --> 28:11.304 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I was standing up near the front on this one. 28:11.324 --> 28:16.226 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, I have on my gray camo leggings. 28:16.566 --> 28:18.187 [SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it looks like sweat. 28:18.767 --> 28:20.328 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's hope it looks like sweat. 28:21.175 --> 28:22.977 [SPEAKER_02]: because we still had three more rounds. 28:23.577 --> 28:31.885 [SPEAKER_02]: And so as I'm contemplating all this, as I'm getting ready to do my exercises, and I'm kind of looking down at the floor, because we're getting ready to do one that requires you to be on the floor. 28:32.286 --> 28:40.994 [SPEAKER_02]: I noticed not only did I pee my pants down to my ankles, there are little puddles of pee underneath me. 28:41.054 --> 28:43.456 [SPEAKER_02]: So apparently when we were doing these postdocs, 28:45.019 --> 28:46.360 [SPEAKER_02]: was just burning out. 28:46.520 --> 28:55.925 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, where the people behind me just seeing this like satin happen was like, every time I'll like hit the floor, was it just like the sprinkler, you know, coming down. 28:55.965 --> 28:58.206 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, who knows this? 28:58.627 --> 28:59.487 [SPEAKER_02]: Who saw this? 28:59.607 --> 29:01.188 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it was it was so bad. 29:01.308 --> 29:02.469 [SPEAKER_02]: It was so embarrassing. 29:02.489 --> 29:06.191 [SPEAKER_02]: I was grateful that not on my friends were there that day because I don't know what I would have done. 29:07.071 --> 29:09.132 [SPEAKER_02]: So we have three more rounds of exercise. 29:09.152 --> 29:11.453 [SPEAKER_02]: And we still have to do a lot more post-jacks. 29:11.714 --> 29:13.555 [SPEAKER_02]: And thankfully, I had a towel. 29:13.675 --> 29:18.837 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I was trying to pretend like I was kind of mopping sweat up off the floor. 29:19.258 --> 29:22.359 [SPEAKER_02]: While I'm getting ready to do this, the third round. 29:22.579 --> 29:25.001 [SPEAKER_02]: And also thinking, how bad are my pants? 29:25.201 --> 29:27.742 [SPEAKER_02]: Is there a P and other places like on the floor? 29:28.463 --> 29:30.464 [SPEAKER_02]: And did I P like on the mat? 29:30.524 --> 29:33.565 [SPEAKER_02]: Like is it, you know, into other people's space? 29:33.945 --> 29:35.086 [SPEAKER_02]: Who all saw this? 29:35.806 --> 29:36.847 [SPEAKER_02]: And everybody else worked. 29:37.067 --> 29:41.189 [SPEAKER_02]: All these things, frankly, it was that class was not as well attended. 29:41.249 --> 29:42.550 [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes it's really crowded. 29:42.630 --> 29:46.432 [SPEAKER_02]: It was not as crowded because it would have been real bad if it was crowded. 29:47.432 --> 29:56.737 [SPEAKER_02]: So then we're doing the third round and I feel like I can barely move because I don't want to draw attention to myself, but I also don't want to have the whole sprinkler situation going on again. 29:56.757 --> 29:58.358 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just like, 29:59.785 --> 30:01.185 [SPEAKER_02]: it was so embarrassing. 30:01.585 --> 30:11.168 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I had to get out of the class and I had to actually exit the class at the end of the class without anybody noticing. 30:11.348 --> 30:17.509 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I was trying to kind of like just shimmy out with like my backside to the wall so that people wouldn't see. 30:17.549 --> 30:21.670 [SPEAKER_02]: So I got down and I just really quickly made a beeline for the bathroom. 30:21.830 --> 30:26.671 [SPEAKER_02]: I get in the bathroom and I have my phone and I'm trying to take pictures of the backside of me to see. 30:26.711 --> 30:28.392 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, can I even walk out of the gym? 30:28.472 --> 30:29.572 [SPEAKER_02]: Is this so obvious? 30:30.433 --> 30:31.474 [SPEAKER_02]: It was so bad. 30:31.694 --> 30:33.255 [SPEAKER_02]: It was so bad. 30:33.615 --> 30:36.018 [SPEAKER_02]: It was so obviously not sweat. 30:36.238 --> 30:44.685 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I feel like if you had sweat that much, you would have been dripping sweat and you would have had it like all down the front of you too. 30:44.705 --> 30:46.947 [SPEAKER_02]: Now it's just all down the back of me. 30:48.068 --> 30:50.088 [SPEAKER_03]: Technically, it's not almost the same thing. 30:50.388 --> 30:51.389 [SPEAKER_02]: It's really embarrassing. 30:51.929 --> 30:52.889 [SPEAKER_02]: So we're to the wise. 30:52.909 --> 30:57.750 [SPEAKER_02]: I have a few suggestions if you are going to start doing gym classes. 30:57.890 --> 31:05.431 [SPEAKER_02]: Number one is maybe try pelvic floor therapy beforehand to always wear a panty liner. 31:06.191 --> 31:14.733 [SPEAKER_02]: Although this was a situation that I'm not sure that even a panty liner would have been enough for, but it would have at least helped a little bit. 31:17.093 --> 31:21.594 [SPEAKER_02]: And then also, just don't touch the floor. 31:21.734 --> 31:29.636 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't touch the floor because I after as I'm wiping it up off the floor and thinking, what else has been on this floor that I have been touching? 31:29.656 --> 31:38.019 [SPEAKER_02]: And yeah, it just gave me a different different thought process about the gym floor. 31:38.139 --> 31:42.000 [SPEAKER_03]: Now you know why that I wouldn't make sure things are clean. 31:44.306 --> 31:45.888 [SPEAKER_03]: lessons that I learned from jujitsu. 31:46.909 --> 31:48.650 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't hook up stuff off the floor. 31:48.690 --> 31:53.475 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't, you know, don't be walking on dirty floors with your bare feet. 31:53.995 --> 31:57.038 [SPEAKER_02]: Immediately go and take a shower out of the shower immediately. 31:57.178 --> 31:58.720 [SPEAKER_02]: After you've been at the gym, yes. 31:58.980 --> 32:04.946 [SPEAKER_02]: So a lot of life lessons were learned from that experience that I don't, I never had to go through again. 32:05.066 --> 32:05.746 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that you're 32:06.673 --> 32:12.617 [SPEAKER_03]: the effect of your story might be to scare people away, just do it. 32:13.137 --> 32:14.939 [SPEAKER_03]: If it happens, it happens, you know? 32:15.859 --> 32:22.744 [SPEAKER_02]: The encouraging thing, the internet has been so great because they have told me the funniest things that have happened. 32:23.104 --> 32:25.826 [SPEAKER_03]: I think it's more common than what you think. 32:26.026 --> 32:33.591 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it's a very common and all sorts of people are like, nobody knows whether it's be your sweat and also be a sterile. 32:33.711 --> 32:35.453 [SPEAKER_03]: Nobody really probably cares. 32:36.193 --> 32:57.051 [SPEAKER_02]: you know how it's like you feel like everybody's looking at you when nobody is and I was just hoping that day especially no one was because I how the light was hitting in the window I'm pretty sure I was right in the sunlight and pretty sure he could have just cleaned the rainbows coming down just 32:58.152 --> 33:00.194 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, it was, it was imagining. 33:00.375 --> 33:04.259 [SPEAKER_02]: I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna move to the back of the class now. 33:04.279 --> 33:07.562 [SPEAKER_02]: Now, I realize why that's a good place to, good place to be. 33:07.602 --> 33:10.265 [SPEAKER_02]: But anyway, I loved you from you. 33:10.605 --> 33:14.909 [SPEAKER_02]: What is something that you've done recently that took a lot of courage? 33:15.330 --> 33:16.671 [SPEAKER_02]: How have you been brave recently? 33:16.711 --> 33:18.793 [SPEAKER_02]: Send an email to crystal at moneysavingmom.com. 33:19.314 --> 33:19.834 [SPEAKER_02]: And also, 33:20.575 --> 33:25.897 [SPEAKER_02]: Think about what is that thing that you're avoiding, that thing that you're scared of, that thing that you've told yourself all your life. 33:26.197 --> 33:27.798 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not that I can't do that. 33:27.938 --> 33:28.878 [SPEAKER_02]: I would never do that. 33:28.958 --> 33:29.859 [SPEAKER_02]: That's too scary. 33:29.899 --> 33:31.279 [SPEAKER_02]: That's outside my comfort zone. 33:31.319 --> 33:32.260 [SPEAKER_02]: That's not who I am. 33:33.060 --> 33:37.101 [SPEAKER_02]: And yet deep down, you actually really want to do that thing. 33:38.042 --> 33:44.744 [SPEAKER_02]: And what would it look like to get brave and take one small step this next week in the direction of doing that thing? 33:44.865 --> 33:45.565 [SPEAKER_02]: Because you never know. 33:46.245 --> 34:03.490 [SPEAKER_02]: You might find that the thing you've been running from and been so scared of for so many years of your life becomes the thing that you are so exhilarated by when you actually step in the door, walk through the door, stay and do the thing. 34:04.710 --> 34:05.971 [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks so much for joining us today. 34:05.991 --> 34:07.631 [SPEAKER_02]: Have a great week and we'll see you next time. 34:10.265 --> 34:11.850 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for joining us today. 34:12.232 --> 34:16.004 [SPEAKER_00]: For more great resources, please visit CrystalPain.com.