[SPEAKER_00]: This is the Jockel underground podcast number one seventy six sitting here with echo trolls Here to answer your questions provide courses of action recommendations sometimes even plans advice Council based on the questions that you all send us So brothers this life is can be confusing and without like not all not everybody has like like solid
[SPEAKER_01]: guidance at every step of the way.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is true.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why the stuff can be very helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can be check.
[SPEAKER_00]: Alright, let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: First question.
[SPEAKER_01]: How real quick, you were eighteen right when you joined the military?
[SPEAKER_00]: Technically I was seventeen when I joined and yeah, no, I was eighteen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you graduated high school?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Graduated.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, what was your, because you lived like rural, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: The middle of nowhere.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you graduated high school.
[SPEAKER_01]: Actual graduation or was that a GED scenario?
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it wasn't a GED scenario, but I did leave high school kind of early because I had all the credits that I needed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: See, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Either way, we're done with high school, legitimately, officially.
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you go right into the military right now?
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a, there's a waiting period.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to wait.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: How long?
[SPEAKER_01]: There's long.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like more than E here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's close too.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you graduated high school usually that's it when were you done school?
[SPEAKER_01]: It ain't nine.
[SPEAKER_00]: It ain't nine.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you but then I left the ninety so that okay, but that's usually in June.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So June do you remember how early?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the only reason I'm asking I want to know how many years or months or days or how long of the time did you have in your whole life?
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_01]: where you didn't really have much guidance or like, you know, you didn't have the direction, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I kind of count the first eighteen years.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, not really though, you know, because you had both parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like, that's, that's guidance.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's legit guidance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like some people,
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of us will say after high school, you know, you got a college because that's sort of how and then, bro, when I was done freaking, no guidance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's, there's, um, the military is like a whole other level of guidance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's full on guidance, you know, which is very helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's honestly, it's kind of incredible.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know that you can just be just have no clue.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you join the military and you have a job, you have a paycheck, you have health insurance, you have dental, you have food every single day, you have a place to live, and you are
[SPEAKER_00]: considered to be a by most people to be like a contributor to a positive contributor to society yeah it is truly incredible yeah and it's amazing not to mention one of the more important part you have training and guidance you know what to do there's no confusion
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you don't know what to do, but I asked this guy, he'll know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I asked somebody who's writing you the scene.
[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't even even need to ask him.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're going to tell you.
[SPEAKER_01]: They know you need guidance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And training.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you want to bring it to Officer Kennedy.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was all older, but like, these women came in to talk to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they were, they were, and I was a married dude at the time, but they were talking to these young Officer candidates.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they were saying that there's going to be Gucci Mama's out.
[SPEAKER_00]: They said there's, and there's females in the class too, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But these women didn't care.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were giving a warning to these young officer candidates when you go on a town and be hoochy, mom was out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're looking, and they're, they're, they're calling, they're quoting like officers or, yeah, it was a classic way for these, just, they were women that were teaching us some course on something like some course on, I forget, maybe it was about,
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the benefits of the navy or the moving.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like some administrative part of the navy.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was still, yeah, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was military stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but they weren't military.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're civilians, but clearly, again, I forget what they did, but they gave.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were supposed to talk to us for half an hour about whatever the subject was, but they talked to us for twenty minutes about who to mom this.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was classic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, but that does kind of bring up a good point where yeah, that is another thing that's something that the military won't train you and teach you and guide you with like how to do it break ups and good, you know, trolls like all this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you know, they might have some good maybe good sexual harassment guidance, you know, like hey, let's avoid that in the workplace kind of a thing, but like
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they have that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, but like how did you with the breakup?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know, so I'm just saying this is good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're right, but because you have a mentor or not just not a technical mentor, but you show up to work and you're like, all bummed out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone's going to go, hey, what's up?
[SPEAKER_00]: What's up Charles?
[SPEAKER_00]: And you go, man, my girlfriend just told me, oh, dude, don't worry about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be, you know, he's going to be all the help you out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you're going to get, you're going to get to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we'll say, you know, they're gonna be like, hey, let's go down to Pacers, which is the local strip club.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not going to be the most healthy answer, but it's probably going to help Charles get through the night in the moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so as far as that, it's kind of rogue.
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's going to be varying levels of sophistication with that type of guidance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, true, true, true.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, there you go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, they look.
[SPEAKER_01]: We got you this time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Nowadays, here's some guidance from Jockel was in the military who got guidance kind of his whole life really seen a lot done a lot and I was going to give us some guidance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, first question.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, hi, Jocca.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a single mom of five former school teacher now working at a medical school while earning my doctorate.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a blue belt engineer too, because we're podcasts.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hell yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Run methods and live with a strong personal code, discipline, loyalty, sacrifice and faithfulness.
[SPEAKER_01]: About a year ago, I fell in love with a man who seemed to embody those same values.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's a former Marine and he's a practitioner.
[SPEAKER_01]: We built a deep connection.
[SPEAKER_01]: He met my kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Asked me to move to his town and talked about us living together and building a life.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I did it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I sold out for the mission.
[SPEAKER_01]: I moved to his city with my children leaving behind a financially secure, hard-earned life where owned my home and had a functioning budget and the support of friends in church.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right as I arrived, he backed off saying he needed space.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then told me we shouldn't talk or see each other for six months.
[SPEAKER_01]: To test, quote unquote, test if what he feels is love or just lust.
[SPEAKER_01]: He says this is about spiritual clarity, but waiting in silence has taken me from being a badass warrior to an exhausted anxiety ridden shell of a person.
[SPEAKER_01]: I cry all the time and worry I'm nearing a total breakdown.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can hardly think about anything except trying to get this guy back.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm operating in the negative, trying to find a renter for my home, living in a new place with no support network.
[SPEAKER_01]: I gave him literally everything I had and he's not sure if you want me.
[SPEAKER_01]: What should I do now?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I fight for this relationship?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I wait in silence alone for six months for him?
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for everything you do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you wait and silence alone six months for him?
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, you don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is very strange, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a very strange scenario.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't sound healthy.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's made some really weird decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: And asked you to do things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Asked you to leave, you got five kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's asking you to lend your own home and you got a good job.
[SPEAKER_00]: And asked you to give all that up.
[SPEAKER_00]: only so that he could be left hanging like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what's interesting is sometimes I'll discuss these these these questions with my wife.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, uh, seems quite a bit of the time we get questions where the guy is asking us should I stay with this girl who's done these whatever things they are.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm usually like,
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you have to have a very high standard for your relationships, a very high standard.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you see things that are red flags, you should
[SPEAKER_00]: In most cases, avoid those red flags.
[SPEAKER_00]: Get away from that person.
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes my wife will be a little bit, she'll think I'm a little bit callous.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think she has the tendency to want to support the female in the situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because she's a female.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't, to me, it's not male female.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like red flags are red flags.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter whether you're male or female.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're getting into a relationship with another human being and you see red flags, this is not going to get better.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just not going to get better.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, look, you see an orange flag?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you see a yellow flag?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, okay, you know, we understand.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you see red flags straight up red.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then think this is not good.
[SPEAKER_00]: So in this situation, I would probably write to him a letter and explain that this situation is unacceptable to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you are when the process of squying things away and returning to your old life without him.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I would do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he has, you know, twelve hours to report back on hands and knees begging and, you know, accepting that we're going to be together or leave.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, this guy is not who you think he is.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, just because some wasn't a Marine Corps or the Navy or the SEAL teams or the Green Berets or whatever, it doesn't matter.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's freaking awful people in all those groups.
[SPEAKER_00]: Guy changed you, Jitu.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: Means nothing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can it be cool?
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure, it can be cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: It can definitely be cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it doesn't mean they're a good person at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is very strange behavior, very, very strange behavior.
[SPEAKER_00]: And even if you wanted to like
[SPEAKER_00]: test the love of lust theory right just okay cool we won't like have physical intimacy but we'll still hang out well let's see we'll see how that test goes you know what I'm saying yeah but but just to say don't contact me for six months once you moved here that's disrespectful that's freaking manipulative that's bad you got five kids and by the way you sound pretty awesome
[SPEAKER_00]: So keep doing awesome stuff, keep running marathons, keep going to school, keep getting your doctorate, keep training you, Jitsu, and eventually a real man that lives these values.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll find you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if one doesn't, that's fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: You got five kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: You got, you got your awesome, you got plenty of stuff going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna help a bunch of people being a doctor in the medical field.
[SPEAKER_00]: This guy does not seem to be the one.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would give him an ultimate.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, normally I don't, I'm not an encourager of ultimatums.
[SPEAKER_00]: This guy needs an ultimatum.
[SPEAKER_00]: You get twelve hours, dude.
[SPEAKER_00]: But even that I'd be careful because he seems like the type of person that would, you know, okay, okay, and then he's gonna do other weird shit.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
[SPEAKER_00]: This doesn't sound good.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I got.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Red flags avoid.
[SPEAKER_00]: me up for another person.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's here, dude.
[SPEAKER_01]: Either way, I think that's the move.
[SPEAKER_00]: Look, I tried to, I just real quick.
[SPEAKER_00]: I tried in my head like what if this dude is just like, okay, I need to make sure that this is around a percent.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't make sure let's wait six.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like for instance, if a dude's going on deployment and he meets a girl, you're like, hey dude, just wait six months going to deployment, see if it's for real, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: I understand, I've given that advice before.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have given that advice before.
[SPEAKER_01]: this is not the same thing yeah but go ahead potentially yes so this is possibly because there's a lot of variables unknown we'll call them so
[SPEAKER_01]: You know how you said and I agree that this weird strange behavior right where it's like hell yeah they're hitting off all goodies like yeah come move here and you know all this we talked about moving you know all this stuff whatever so and I'm not saying she did this I'm just saying these are things we have to consider because we haven't heard from the guy so we don't know
[SPEAKER_01]: Put bluntly did she become like clingy right like too clingy and I don't mean like just clingy because she said Gordon Tura she was like this this kind of badass check right very desirable as far as like in what we're seeing um but then became like a shell of a person right after while so
[SPEAKER_01]: was she like so badass or whatever and then the mirror like thought or hint of getting together she became like kind of like she flipped and became sort of came off his desperate right and look i'm not saying that's good bad nothing i'm just saying did she kind of change who she is and become less attractive you seem saying to this guy
[SPEAKER_01]: So like if he's like and who know like what if what if they're talking about yeah, maybe move in or whatever, and then she all of a sudden just shows up at his desk.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you did that then that could have triggered some of this behavior, but either way your protocol needs to be the same hundred percent.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's correct.
[SPEAKER_01]: So basically it goes like let's say this were the case.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say I'm right right what I've been applying is like put bluntly I'm not saying anyone did anything.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying this is something to consider where
[SPEAKER_01]: You're this badass girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to school.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got, you just did the whole deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Principal, the whole deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, you know, you got enamored with this guy and then folded into this.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[SPEAKER_01]: Insecure, like, shell of a person in your words or her words.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she became that, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's important.
[SPEAKER_01]: That worth the whole thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just like, you kind of became a different person.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how attractive that is to, you know, to a guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: If he's attracted to this original girl that you are.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm saying, so I'm not saying that's good bad and nothing like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: No judgment.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying what if that's the dynamic?
[SPEAKER_01]: And like I said before, either way, that's the move.
[SPEAKER_01]: The move is like, hey, whether it's your fault, his fault to whatever the move is to go back and be badass.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if, if one I'm suggesting is the case, or what I'm introducing is the case, then he'll be like, oh, then maybe you'll have a chance to maybe kind of get back together.
[SPEAKER_01]: You seem to say if you even want that.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I'm saying is it's not necessarily him being weird.
[SPEAKER_01]: It could be her kind of flipping the script just a little bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Could be.
[SPEAKER_00]: Definitely pay attention on the future.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, if you, he might have, you know, he might not have had as strong as feelings as you had.
[SPEAKER_00]: and then when you went full board like oh, I'll move there and then you got there and he's like, hold on a second.
[SPEAKER_00]: I expected a little resistance, you know, and here you are sold your house or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, out here, wait a second.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not ready for this.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, which again, your protocol needs to be the same thing, like walk away.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then just pay attention in the future, make sure that you.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocco Underground podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to continue to listen,
[SPEAKER_00]: go to jockelunderground.com and subscribe and we're doing this we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the jockel podcast which will remain as is free for all as long as we can keep it that way but we but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us.
[SPEAKER_00]: And to do that, we are building a website right now, where we'll build the utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us.
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you, it's jockelunderground.com.
[SPEAKER_00]: It costs eight dollars and eighteen cents a month.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you can't afford to support us,
[SPEAKER_00]: We can still support you just email assistance at jockelonaground.com and we'll get you taken care of.
[SPEAKER_00]: Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.