[SPEAKER_00]: Well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done, well done,
[SPEAKER_01]: I know I'm coming in hot.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm coming in hot, but it's been I'm coming in hot.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been a freaking week and it's also been a day and it's also been in the last twenty minutes.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just been, you know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_01]: But I can't be too upset because
[SPEAKER_01]: It's Leo season.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it's officially been Leo season probably sounds like last week or whatever, but it is now a fish fish Leo season.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're going to breathe that hard, I'm going to need you to take it down a notch.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to take it down.
[SPEAKER_01]: Take a way down.
[SPEAKER_01]: Take it off.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, we'll see if you calm down.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's Leo season.
[SPEAKER_01]: Baby, it is my season.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is birthday season.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also summer season.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's a lot of mercury and retrograde happening at the same time.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: And take as we usually see this time as stressful, but it's actually just another excuse to go inward to look to slow down to make sure we're not repeating patterns.
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be a very dramatic time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though this last week has been dramatic for those of you who follow me on the instos, you know, I'm fostering the most adorable micro pit bull named Fred and Fred's a choreo.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, we had an emergency happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: He got his nuts chopped off the day prior and when he came home, he's obviously on great rest and I gave him a blankie because he had been sleeping with a blankie fine for the last couple of days since I had him and this month I look at eight a blanket.
[SPEAKER_01]: And his sleep time in his nighttime sleep.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's leaps.
[SPEAKER_01]: He ate a blankie.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe he was having a dream.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't know because when I woke up the next morning, I wasn't going to like check the blanket.
[SPEAKER_01]: He'd been sleeping with it fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw like, you know, nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I had come back now related, this motherfucker almost died.
[SPEAKER_01]: He looked unwell.
[SPEAKER_01]: He was lulligating it, tongue on out his mouth.
[SPEAKER_01]: He passed out fainted in my arms as I was recording a video for the rescue to be like, something's going on with Fred.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when he threw up, it was blanket.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, my God.
[SPEAKER_01]: So Fred had to have emergency stummy surgery.
[SPEAKER_01]: Little stummy tummy.
[SPEAKER_01]: They pulled out a freaking blanket.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was like, you know, drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, thank God I don't have a regular day job.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I could manage that plus like, hippos already his own, you know, amount of work.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's a lot of work.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then these two.
[SPEAKER_01]: They meet hustling behind my back when I'm not looking and so they were both going after this bone letter.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just bought them and I just separate them because Fred gets a little resource-guardie and I just got to be a little bit more tight than I planned on.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I feel like right now with the athlete gone, it's me, Fred, Hippo, Leo and Larry.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's four boys, one girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, it's a lot to be dealing with right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: So obviously Fred's recovering from his tummy surgery and he's doing wonderfully shout out to the athlete also for starting a fundraiser for him.
[SPEAKER_01]: We were able to raise fifteen hundred dollars for surgery.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm why I love to you and to everyone who follows and donated truly.
[SPEAKER_01]: The rescue was not going to compromise on something that gnarly obviously, but every little piece helps all the rescues in LA right now are just like underwater.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, back to Leo season.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get some good news.
[SPEAKER_01]: What's some housekeeping thing?
[SPEAKER_01]: Mother fucking bomb.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so Leo season means for everybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: No matter what sign you are, it is a time of increased confidence.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, creativity and focus on self-expression.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I'm hearing is everyone's inner lion, lioness needs to roar needs to get out there, put your fucking eyelashes on or fuck it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Go bare face with your whole chest out, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I didn't mean it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't mean it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Stay with your whole chest out like with your titties out, but now that I'm thinking about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You could also do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's Leo season baby.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's it's time to get that inner like around.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's it's really like.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just it's a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a little bit like like you search for your prey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what Leo season as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I try to live my life like that year round.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't help it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's my sunshine.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I was put on this earth here to do and probably overcome a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: So some key themes for this Leo season and don't forget the Mercury and Retrograde ends August eleven just in time for my birthday on a sixteenth.
[SPEAKER_01]: But like I said, don't fear nothing to worry about.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's always okay to have a little bit of retrograde because that basically means like it's trying to look as a month finished business.
[SPEAKER_01]: But there are some key themes when we are looking at Leo season.
[SPEAKER_01]: For number one, confidence and self expression, obviously.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's traditionally a time to embrace your inner radiance and express yourself authentically.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if it's been a while since you've spoken your truth, so what's on your chest?
[SPEAKER_01]: Time for you to stand on business.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, Sam, for you to tell that co-worker, stop bringing tuna.
[SPEAKER_01]: for lunch, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's time for you to tell that situation, ship, to get his shit together, is either make or break, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's some resending, cuff and seasons coming up.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, we got, we got shit to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also great for creative sparks, but just remember in this retrograde time, front of the pod and friend in real life Kevin, who came into all the astrology,
[SPEAKER_01]: He told me it's really about right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like revisiting past creative projects without like starting something totally new without looking back and being like, what can I learn from that?
[SPEAKER_01]: What will I make sure not to repeat and not rushing anything?
[SPEAKER_01]: Not rushing, taking your
[SPEAKER_01]: time to reply.
[SPEAKER_01]: No one's in a hurry.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: The world is burning down around everybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: So taking that pause, taking that breath that is so crucial right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: In relationships while Leo season can bring a little drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we're known for a little bit of a dramatic flare.
[SPEAKER_01]: It also emphasizes healthy
[SPEAKER_01]: communication which will tie into our subject theme for this episode a little bit later.
[SPEAKER_01]: Mars is in Libra on August six and that could foster balance and collaboration which I'm saying you should just tell your lover that August six should be your date night.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm calling it right here.
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll should do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Date night for everybody, August sixth.
[SPEAKER_01]: Text them, pause this, let them know, have taken you out.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going off for ice cream.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to, we're going to do that thing in the bedroom.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a done yet, or we've been looking to do, or, you know, I'm telling your friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: No excuses to have in girls night.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're getting our nails done.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're watching reality, television.
[SPEAKER_01]: I decided to go back and start watching some of the old Levi-land UK seasons, because after Levi-land ended for all of the Americans, I was like, I'm, I'm itching.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm craving.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I started.
[SPEAKER_01]: I heard that you gave season five is the best to start at.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going back and watching that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the one with Tommy Fury and I also just downloaded an audio book.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm on like my seventeen book of the year.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this might be eighteen that really.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, I got to look at my good reads.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's called the compound and it was a good morning America recommendation.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if that's like that hot of a list to be on.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I've started listening and it is basically like a love island.
[SPEAKER_01]: book, but the twist is that the contestants have to do certain tasks in order to receive like your basic necessities plus gifts and branded items.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that has like a fun little twist on it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you know what, that would be kind of a fun little twist to add to like an American, you love island games.
[SPEAKER_01]: But anyway, not here to talk about love island.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was probably three or four weeks ago of an episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so just embrace this Leo season.
[SPEAKER_01]: My birthday is coming up and I have no freaking clue what I want to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's thirty-five.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe I'm going to be thirty-five.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe I mean, I don't feel thirty-five.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also hope I don't look thirty-five.
[SPEAKER_01]: My energy isn't thirty-five.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it was just the Penini that shifted the timeframes of everything happening on like a different timeline, but like literally all my friends are having babies, they're married, and I'm like, are you guys for real?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't feel anywhere close to being able to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like given up on the dream on trying to afford a house like I've given up on some of my like bigger businessy like empires for the moment and I'm just trying to focus on the here and the now and I've been doing this breathing exercise which I encourage everyone to do which is you recite in your head it's like a mantra it says be
[SPEAKER_01]: here now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And on each word, you take a different type of breath.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the B is from the belly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here is from the chest.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then now is all the way out.
[SPEAKER_01]: So be here now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's just my little like grounding exercise I've been doing and it's super blood.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, so yes, get on your be here now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't worry about how old you are.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm basically saying this out loud to myself because I need to hear it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I have no work in plans for my thirty-fifth.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I should be celebrating like, oh my god, thirty-five.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I have no plans.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was more excited about the athletes birthday back in June.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was so much more excited to celebrate him.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think because he's overseas now and
[SPEAKER_01]: My family, my mom and dad are going to be here for my actual birthday, which my mom's pretending like that was on purpose, like she's here to visit and like celebrate me, but she's really just doing it because she has to stop in LA on a layover on the way to Hawaii for her birthday, which is three days later.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like she didn't even like ask if that was something I wanted to do for my birthday.
[SPEAKER_01]: She was just like, okay, we're coming for your birthday.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, well, whatever I wanted to like go fuck off to Europe and visit the athlete, but no mom's coming here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, when you got a Leo for a mother, she outlines everybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I really don't know what to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know that I feel like doing much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know how to celebrate.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do, I'm going to try.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I don't like asked for things for birthdays, but I'm putting this out there in the universe.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would like a laboubo.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I never thought I'd say the words.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've really, I've held out for this long, which I feel like it's pretty damn good considering looking at the state of the internet.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do want one.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think they're cute.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it would be so cute to hang in on the purse.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I was at yoga earlier and I saw a girl with one.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just like, that's so cute.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I met her outfit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like having a little, little friend, a little monster friend with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think stupid, I'm about to turn thirty five.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why am I asking for a fucking little boobo?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do they have a lot of chokehold on me?
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just so, and I was so anti.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was so freaking anti.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't justify the price.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you got all the boobo, you want to send to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll tell you again.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I can't buy it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's got to be gifted to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe that's something I'll put out in the universe that I would like for my birthday is a boobo.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, speaking of the athlete, speaking of relationships, speaking of Leo Cisol, I thought it would be interesting when we come back from the break to talk about long-distance relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do they work scientifically?
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they something that I can achieve?
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not going to lie for very long time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought they were dumb as hell.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we come back from this quick all break, we're going to be talking about long, long distance relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'm not even gonna lie to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: When I was in college, my sophomore year, I tried to do long-done distance with my boyfriend from high school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was older than me.
[SPEAKER_01]: He decided to move back home after his first year of college.
[SPEAKER_01]: I decided to leave town.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did a year long distance where I was in Alabama.
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember that time of my life, I can't believe.
[SPEAKER_01]: It feels like a foreign freaking timeline.
[SPEAKER_01]: I try to forget every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in Alabama at Auburn for a little bit, and then I went to New York City for a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the thing I remember about long distance was I didn't particularly love doing it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I got through it and I think because I was brand new in all of these cities and these experiences one being like college, it Auburn and then one New York City.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was probably better that I had a lover than not because I was already a minister.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was a crazy party girl back then.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's when I was still drinking and all that and had I not had
[SPEAKER_01]: the boyfriend back home.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I would have been an absolute terror.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like adding relationships on top of all of that newness and dating in all that newness seems crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it was probably a miracle that I had something to keep me busy so that I could focus on school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And while yes, a long distance relationship takes up a lot of time, I don't think it took up as much time as like modern dating would have taken for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So
[SPEAKER_01]: While I don't remember a ton about it being great or awful, I am grateful that it happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because even though I'm like, oh, I wasted all that time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've heard of college and New York City being with them boyfriend.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I still had a lot of fun.
[SPEAKER_01]: I still gathered a lot of experience as under my belt.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was still experimenting.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was still doing shit.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'll say that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then
[SPEAKER_01]: When I got older, I didn't really know anyone that was doing long distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like it's definitely something that can be proposed in college because of people parting ways for the first time in their lives.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I rarely saw it happening in my adulthood just because I feel like that's the time where people are finding themselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: They had been away from their homes out of college for a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I really couldn't think of another long distance relationship that was in my
[SPEAKER_01]: sphere until someone I worked with at Buzzfeed was long distance with their person.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember I don't know if it's because I just didn't really particularly like this person.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was such a hater on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, how fucking dumb.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you never see each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: How can you build an adult relationship?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like,
[SPEAKER_01]: can't have sex.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't be physical.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not living together.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no way that's going to last.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I also think they were a virgin, not that the matters and it's a construct, but it was a man.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to say it.
[SPEAKER_01]: They were a virgin.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that's not real because you're not adding in the sexual pleasure part of it and the sexual temptations and things like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Boy was I wrong.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm calling myself out right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was wrong to believe in think.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really was judgmental as fuck.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it was because it was still very much in my drinking sletty era that I couldn't imagine giving up that time and experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I couldn't imagine someone being long distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: That just felt like still waste of building life.
[SPEAKER_01]: But alas.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah girls here, nearly thirty fucking five.
[SPEAKER_01]: And doing her first long distance relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, let's talk about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So riddle me this, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: You haven't seen them in weeks.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're sending good morning texts like it's religion.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're trying to look cute on FaceTime with just one bar of Wi-Fi and you're expected not to hook up with other people.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome non-distance relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you do it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I do it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it something that's achievable?
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to dive a little bit deeper.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're looking into the chaos, the science, and the surprisingly sweet side of being in a long distance love.
[SPEAKER_01]: From time zones to sexting to whether it's even worth this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's unpack it all.
[SPEAKER_01]: Get out your emotional suitcase baggage.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to hear from y'all.
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?
[SPEAKER_01]: Was it worth it?
[SPEAKER_01]: How long?
[SPEAKER_01]: Was it?
[SPEAKER_01]: So while we get started just so to review my situation, we met obviously a nearly a year and a half almost two years ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, that's a couple of manners.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's nearly been two years.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we were together for about a year and a half of it, but during that time because of his visa status and his job, we were away from each other for like sometimes a month I think was the longest we had gone without each other without visiting.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I went into this situation with the athlete knowing that there was a very good chance he was going to sign somewhere and we would become long distance, but I didn't really
[SPEAKER_01]: feel that as a reality until it is now happening.
[SPEAKER_01]: So currently the things I have noticed about being in a long distance relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel very lucky and grateful that we had a year and a half to build such a strong foundation first and we literally moved in with each other after three months.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ish.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the fact that we got that much every single day time together gave us a really
[SPEAKER_01]: good amount of time to establish routine to establish trust to see how the other person move throughout the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm very grateful for that.
[SPEAKER_01]: The other side of the coin is I don't know how he is long, doesn't like I don't know what kind of love he is.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like when we were apart for a month, there was always that return date or like that time we were going to see each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: But now where it's kind of like indefinite until we know more information about his soccer journey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, this is going to be tough.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, do I move to Europe?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I go for all like around with him for a year?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I like there's so many up in the airs?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have found that part really stressful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've also found the
[SPEAKER_01]: obviously like a lack of intimacy because you know I'm a horn dog and you know I need you know I need the tanks I need the tanks I need to do the tanks um obviously being in a long distance open relationship I can understand why some people were like oh you guys are only open because they're long distance and you both need to like fuck other people that is not true at all like
[SPEAKER_01]: The athlete and I have always had a very similar look on what we would like our lives in the future to look like.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's been integrated in our relationship from the jump.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will say the hard part about being open, long distance is like you just feel like you're getting
[SPEAKER_01]: something from someone else, partly because the person you want it from is in year.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't like that because that feels yucky.
[SPEAKER_01]: That feels more like a fuck buddy.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard like you don't also want to be making super strong like poly relationships because the other person doesn't get to meet them.
[SPEAKER_01]: The other person doesn't get to know them.
[SPEAKER_01]: They have no idea like the little details that you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was a lot easier for the athlete and I today like poly when he was here.
[SPEAKER_01]: But let's hit you with some facts.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you feel a little validated if you are also suffering and living through this emotionally exhausting adult penthouse situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: Fourteen to fifteen million people in the US are in a long distance relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: That feels like a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I guess if you have that, it's like seven million couples when you look at the science.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: That makes me feel better to know that it is I'm not alone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Although I don't know any of my friends that are in one, I should actually ask that on an instance if anybody is in one.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, thirty three percent of college couples are long distance at some point.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's a third.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was included in that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, I'm a stack.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a number on a screen y'all.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like I said, it makes a lot of sense.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're trying to hold on to something that remind you of home, or if you meet them out in the world, and you know, they're not like your hometowns we are, and they're also out at a different college, like you might be falling
[SPEAKER_01]: I love for the first time in those feelings, so really good.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're like, why should we let a little bit of distance stop us?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, maybe, you know, we'll be close by with enough where we can drive to each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I've heard that situation a million times.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, seventy five percent of engaged couples say they've done long distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: That feels like a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: seventy five percent of engaged couples say they've done long that feels like a lot I don't know like what I feel like I had I wish I had more info on that seventy five percent of engaged couple say they've done long distance I wonder if they just mean like in our life not particularly like engage that if it was seventy five percent of all engaged couples that feels like that would be a little crazy right
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and get this, ten percent of marriages start as long distance relationships, which that feels crazy, because starting a relationship long distance, wow, that takes a lot of work.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're like me and you're crying in your morning, because your boyfriend is fifteen hours away,
[SPEAKER_01]: You're statistically in good hands.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not that crazy to do long distance relationships, especially in this day and age with the technology we got.
[SPEAKER_01]: You imagine trying to be in the like, nineteen, fifties doing long distance, like literally having to to send a pigeon across the world trying to reach a lover in a war torn area.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I guess it was romantic back then.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now it just feels stressful and like a freaking beat on my Wi-Fi.
[SPEAKER_01]: I got shitty internet service in those new places, a whole thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you also know that the average time between visits is about one point five months?
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's when we start to go a little kuku because here's what I've noticed is being apart this long.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do
[SPEAKER_01]: feel very secure in that like I don't have to worry about relationship stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I'm able to focus on my work really easily.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm able to like hang out with friends very easily.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just miss him.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's where the stress and the strain of the long distance chimes in.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is I just miss him?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I want to talk to him about everything and because the time zones are also so drastically different, it's very hard to wake up and know that like we only have X amount of hours together because by like two, three PM my time, he's going to bed.
[SPEAKER_01]: So God forbid I sleep in.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then we don't have a couple hours together and we don't get to talk every day like he's training and I'm working.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if we get to have that little bit of back and forth time when we're both on our phones, like we want to try and make the most out of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it can feel like days fly by without actually seeing each other and like hearing each other's voices.
[SPEAKER_01]: I started to have him do this thing where I asked him for like a morning podcast like when I wake up in the morning, I always listen to a podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: So he started recording me like little episodes of his life in his day so that when I wake up, each morning I have a voice note of his little day and how I went and he includes tons of things and yeah, he just talks to me like he's recording a podcast that makes me smile.
[SPEAKER_01]: So every morning I have something to like listen to when I wake up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Though he's been flacking the last couple of days, I know you're listening to this athlete.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so what are the pros and cons?
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's start with positive, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though I want to set fire to my phone every time, my FaceTime freezes or we can't decide on an accurate hour to chat.
[SPEAKER_01]: There are some upsides to being long distance or LDR as the internet calls us.
[SPEAKER_01]: communication she gets the because you got to actually talk okay you got to have like
[SPEAKER_01]: No body language.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's all your words.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that requires you to be very straightforward.
[SPEAKER_01]: That requires you to be very honest.
[SPEAKER_01]: You ain't got time to dilly dally.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes you only have time to send a shoot off quick note.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that forces you to just have really good straight communication.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like there's no lolly gagging about the time you have together is the time that counts.
[SPEAKER_01]: Another pro!
[SPEAKER_01]: That sucks when y'all do over your night.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I gotta be booking more than three days with him at a time because the first three days are just as bonin.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, it's feral.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, oh, that's right.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have a body because I've just put you in my head as like this technological advancement in my brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: I forgot how goddamn fucking hot you are.
[SPEAKER_01]: Another pro is that it makes you really appreciate the things you do have.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when you're together, I am so grateful for all the little things about him.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I love how long his eyelashes are.
[SPEAKER_01]: I like the way he smells.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you just become very grateful for the little things.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like nothing pisses you off.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's no like little annoying thing that they do because you're just like every little piece of them feels good when you are together.
[SPEAKER_01]: And another pro that I saw about on the TikToks was that you can romanticize them when you're gone that long.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like being in a honeymoon phase extended because you don't get that instant gratification of seeing them and being with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: So in your brain, you do stay a little bit more romanticized because it is long distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, maybe I was onto something with that like, nineteen, fifties, board, horn, lover thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like getting a note in the mail, could you imagine how much that note in the mail?
[SPEAKER_01]: Probably meant for those people.
[SPEAKER_01]: I completely get that feeling.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're more so like trading memes back and forth all day.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, this sentiment is there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk a little bit about the brutal cons, though.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: The real talk for me is the time zones.
[SPEAKER_01]: time jumps or like crime zones am I right this is the number one cause of stress amongst long distance relationships because you'll write something and they might not even be awake so they might not even acknowledge it or you forgot and the thing you wanted to talk to them about
[SPEAKER_01]: It just causes a lot of stress with scheduling.
[SPEAKER_01]: So right now we try to do a standing date at least once a week, if not a couple times a week, where it will be, you know, face time or like, you know, we'll be on our computers and we will set up a proper date time and we will do an activity together online.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that happens at like seven PM his time and noon, like so on my lunch break during the week.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it sucks because that's also a time where usually I don't always take a lunch.
[SPEAKER_01]: I like to work through it because that's when like my creativity is flowing the most.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it does suck to that degree, but it's also a good moment for me to actually stop and make sure I'm eating.
[SPEAKER_01]: Slow down and like connect with the loved one and it's good to have that make calendar.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, sexting becomes like a second job when you're, you know, long distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is definitely a huge con.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you better be good at lighting and angles because you can be sending a lot of news.
[SPEAKER_01]: You just are.
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes do it's hard because I'll be horny and he won't.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, bro, we don't have a lot of time to talk.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you gotta get with the program.
[SPEAKER_01]: We, I need you to, and like, no one is good at sexting.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think everyone thinks they're good at it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wish that was something Chad, you could help us all out.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just like being a little bit better at sexting.
[SPEAKER_01]: And TVH, I don't think the athlete has ever started off the combo of the sex.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's always me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm genuinely trying to think because even just like, a magic in seeing that, I'm like, oh my god, I am like in a fauncer.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't handle this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do this pickle right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: So another con, I think other people can experience, but I haven't yet, too, and I'll tell you why.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is you accidentally start playing a detective, even though you didn't mean to, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you're like, who's in that photo?
[SPEAKER_01]: Who's that person you're working with?
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you guys doing on the weekend?
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you mean you're going out of co-workers who are to co-workers?
[SPEAKER_01]: And you never want to sound suspicious, but you genuinely might just be curious.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that can come off as like a little bit nervous and insecure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Big reason why I'm not worried about that is because my man plays sports and he ain't surrounded by any women.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is all men.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is all players.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is all trainers.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is all a fellow athlete and my man do not play when it comes to his schedule.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like one of the reason that I fell in love with him is because if he is like pure dedication and obsession with
[SPEAKER_01]: achieving the highest level of athleticism, his body can.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he does not have time to be dilly, dallying around.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he doesn't want to.
[SPEAKER_01]: He can't even freaking compute the idea of trying to be suspicious or cheat when he doesn't have the energy to.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I feel very lucky in my scenario that he is not a typical athlete and he does not have typical athlete behavior whatsoever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that man is
[SPEAKER_01]: dedicated to his sport and exhausted at the end of the day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, the other con, I will say that I definitely have experienced is the reunion may be amazing, but those guys, I feel like stay with you so much deeper and longer than the, the, the romanticize the lows, like I,
[SPEAKER_01]: always end up in tears at the airport when i am with the athlete like i am always crying in public and he cannot want like look at me without like if i'm crying he will cry and like i just know i could tell it's coming if he starts if i start crying i know he's a star guy and so i hate that the verham but
[SPEAKER_01]: your roles in emotional gangster she can't help herself.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so those are the pros and cons.
[SPEAKER_01]: I like to I kept it nice and even Steven so I can, you know, hear some of your pros and cons get creative sound off in the comments below.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, let's talk about the science of long distance love.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and be a part episode with a little bit of scientific fact.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, so in the study of the journal of communication, they found that long distance couples often reported equal or greater.
[SPEAKER_01]: intimacy and satisfaction than people who see each other every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you might be asking, why?
[SPEAKER_01]: How could that be possible?
[SPEAKER_01]: And is that?
[SPEAKER_01]: It is because they have to put in effort.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right, it becomes an intentional concerted effort to reach out to their lover to make their words matter, to make each text be something lovely for them to read, for them to see.
[SPEAKER_01]: They have to make effort.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is simply why those statistics show that they can be just as, if not greater, with intimacy and communication in a long distance, effort.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the texting in face time, of course, does come with dangers, a Pew research.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's an hilarious name for some scientific research.
[SPEAKER_01]: Found that most missed understandings in long-distance relationships happen over text.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, tone gets lost, emojis aren't enough of a response.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, could mean I'm mad or I'm horny.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is, there's no way to know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, texting, texting during long visits and relationships, I completely get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I will put my whole pussy into a message and sometimes I won't even get anything back for a few hours because he's training and I'm like, did you not?
[SPEAKER_01]: Hello.
[SPEAKER_01]: or yeah, it like you just you're not able to talk and clear the air the way you would normally and I completely feel that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and according to attachment theory, you know, the avoidant, the anxious, the secure and the, what's the other one?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like mixed disorganized.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, people with avoidant attachment styles might actually thrive in long-distance relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you imagine that makes a lot of sense and often when they reunite and then they feel suffocated and then they leave again and they're like, oh, who got my space?
[SPEAKER_01]: That feel obvious.
[SPEAKER_01]: So can it actually work?
[SPEAKER_01]: Believe it or not, even though I am still in the very beginning stages of my long distance LDR commitment, science does say yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Believe it or not, people have pulled this off for all of time and say for some, it even strengthens their relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: I went to Reddit and I looked up a few stories from some people that have survived the LDR and I thought these two were cute.
[SPEAKER_01]: One user said my boyfriend and I lived on separate consonants for two years.
[SPEAKER_01]: We made a pact to never go to bed angry and had standing weekly virtual dates where we would actually dress up like candles and eat takeout while they did the same ten thousand miles away and they got married last year.
[SPEAKER_01]: year, which must have been so nice, like, health fun after being away for that long from each other to then be able to be so grateful to wake up next to that person every single day.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wonder if LDR relationship lasts longer because you just had so much time apart that when you are together, it does work out more soundly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, another user wrote, we each made a touch box with stuff from the other person.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, sorry, I'm pure mesons to make me cry.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, the box would include huddies, a bottle of their colon notes, and when they missed each other, I would open up the box and feel closed.
[SPEAKER_01]: It sounds cheesy, but it helps so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so true.
[SPEAKER_01]: I still have some of the athletes close and his old clone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, here that I a hundred bajillion percent smell every time I go on the closet.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just like.
[SPEAKER_01]: Alright, I got my hit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I wear his clone sometimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't tell him.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's listening to this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wrote down a couple of tips.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think everyone that is entering a long distance relationship needs, and here they are.
[SPEAKER_01]: Number one, you actually do have to over communicate.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it boring?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it necessary?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just factually correct that you're going to have to learn how to explain yourself better how you're going to have to learn how to say romantic things over text.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if you're a bad textor, I don't think you will be able to long distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, I would KMS if I was in a relationship with a bad textor.
[SPEAKER_01]: The one thing I could say about the athlete, that boy knows how to text.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so I'm funny pictures.
[SPEAKER_01]: The other day, he just sent me like three really cute pictures of us from the past.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think his iPhone probably did that thing where I was like, remember this, but still, he just sent us me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know where I'm.
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta be able to text.
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta be able to voice note.
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta be able to face time.
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta be technologically savvy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Another huge, huge tip I have to give is you have to make that future plan.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if it's vague, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Having a reunion to look forward to makes all of this waiting worth it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like for me, right now, I know that I can't go see him until after my birthday, like after my parents come to visit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm planning on going over there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't know when, but I know that I'm gonna have that time frame.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know Fred's got to get adopted.
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to like tie up some loose ends with work stuff, but I know that for sure's he's I'm going to see him then.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and my other big tip is like normalize the Ikki feeling, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So missing someone feeling like to attach to them feeling jealous like you do have to normalize these feelings and this way of communicating with each other or else it's going to feel
[SPEAKER_01]: way too big of a deal that if you wait until you're physically together it can turn into like a much bigger fight you know learning how to come back together after a tip especially when you're long distance oh my god that is so so so so so so crucial because it's wasted time and it's like very easy to just give up on something if it's out of sight out of mind
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but here are my also red flags that I don't think everyone needs to be in a long distance or can be, you know, in a healthy long distance relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's just a little checklist for, um, you know, you big long distance system here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, if
[SPEAKER_01]: Your partner or you keep canceling virtual hangouts, but then never miss night out with their friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a red flag.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: If they're still able to continue on with their schedule in their life, but they can't include you in their schedule, huge red flag.
[SPEAKER_01]: Red flag is if you were doing all the emotional labor.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're always scheduling calls, if you're always planning the visits, if you're always initiating the combos, that just shows that they are not putting in the effort and they're okay with relying on you for everything, which I don't think is attractive whatsoever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Another big red flag is if they go MIA for a long stretches and say things like I need space, but you could not get more space if you tried.
[SPEAKER_01]: If they're saying things like that, they fully have another relationship going on.
[SPEAKER_01]: They might even have a whole last family that you don't know about.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: You did not sign up for just a phone-based relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to see them at some point.
[SPEAKER_01]: Another big red flag is if you haven't talked about the future in months and I know that that's like what do you mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do think it's important to have some idea of how the long distance gap can be closed at some time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if it is like, hey, I know you have to go do this job for at least two years.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, we've got two years.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a timeline to work through.
[SPEAKER_01]: For like me and the athlete, I know at some point either I will go for all of it around Europe and work or he will be on a team in the United States.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that is our plan.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we will continue to do this until we can't do it anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's, yeah, those are my red flags.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's my long-distance combo, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, they're wild.
[SPEAKER_01]: They require a lot of trust and effort and creativity.
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes a little bit is illusion.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know I've got that, but they can work if you're both willing to put in the mileage.
[SPEAKER_01]: You get it, you get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But also if you're exhausted and lonely and like totally over it, it's okay to also end things.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do think ending a relationship as long distance is a lot easier than having to do it with someone that you see every single day and it's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Distance does not have to mean death of a relationship, but it also does not have to be your full-time job.
[SPEAKER_01]: Find a balance, and you know, all about balance here on this pod, if you are someone that has gone through a long distance relationship, if you had it be successful, if you had to be unsuccessful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to hear about it, drop in the comments below.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are also released
[SPEAKER_01]: We have released and we are releasing the Freddy Tyler Paul merch collaboration.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have been so looking forward to the colors are so cute the design is so chaotic ADHD girly.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm obsessed with it don't talk to me so I have my lex pro-laced ice coffee.
[SPEAKER_01]: portion of the presents will go to mental health research and resources.
[SPEAKER_01]: Y'all, we're also doing a giveaway.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think you might have a couple days to win a huge tart package for reviewing the pod.
[SPEAKER_01]: Give it five stars if you're not going to give it five stars.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't read it all.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm sensitive.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, babe.
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll see you next week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye-bye.