[SPEAKER_04]: Hi, milkers.
[SPEAKER_04]: Welcome back to Threslitches.
[SPEAKER_04]: The podcast where three Latin friends tell stories, unpack identity and get real about everything from pop culture to politics.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's sweet, it's a little messy and always drenched in milk.
[SPEAKER_01]: Three kinds of milk, in fact.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the best part is, you can enjoy our milk even if you're lactose intolerant.
[SPEAKER_04]: For those of you, this, this, this, the vibes already of this episode are very similar to the Fire Island Carrey Bradshaw episode last year when voices were, um, not really available to us.
[SPEAKER_04]: Although today I feel that I feel maybe the most, I live with a little enthusiastic of the three, which is rare.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's funny how that.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you know.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's just saying about late last night.
[SPEAKER_04]: We should went out during the day.
[SPEAKER_01]: How was that?
[SPEAKER_01]: What did you do?
[SPEAKER_04]: you know it was good it was good so it was bright you you'll be you'll be well into the month of July uh almost at Thanksgiving by the time you listen to this but you know and then probably we just got over pride weekend here in New York City and I ended up buying tickets through someone who was selling them because I wanted something my boyfriend Jay so we're here that's how you buy it
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, instead of buying everything was sold out, so I didn't want to buy it, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: This is a resale situation.
[SPEAKER_04]: And they were selling them for cheaper, so I just thought tickets to tie Sundarland's TIT, which was like a little bit more epic on, it's at three dollar bill.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's a party that happens on Sunday throughout the summer, but it's a little bit more super duper duper duper during top for pride.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I thought that would be a good,
[SPEAKER_04]: Uh, easy, breezy, beautiful, cover girl way to introduce my boyfriend, Junior XZ Pride, who hasn't, he's never done it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, oh.
[SPEAKER_04]: He's never been here for gay pride.
[SPEAKER_04]: So we did like a very traditional, went to the parade, perused.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, you love doing that.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, had a lovely time.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then we went to Brooklyn.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we had a great time.
[SPEAKER_04]: We got, we, when we arrived at three dollar bill, that were maybe fifteen people there.
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, she got the part of it.
[SPEAKER_03]: It was.
[SPEAKER_03]: It was four o'clock.
[SPEAKER_03]: I thought, okay.
[SPEAKER_03]: Before it just went.
[SPEAKER_04]: No, it was maybe a wave at the clock.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, that's, that's, that's Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked Crooked
[SPEAKER_04]: the floodgates really open but we had a great time but the best part of yesterday okay so Jay was kind of angry because it took me forever to get ready and he just like vodka and all I have here to drink was vodka and I'm like pre-game with a big old I had I'd saved a Taco Bell cup like the big one oh my god yeah it's a foreign thing for just this very thing and so I put it with vodka and he was kind of like
[SPEAKER_04]: and he was hungry, and he didn't want to drink what I had to drink.
[SPEAKER_04]: So we got you in square, and I was like, bye-bye.
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's see what the world has to offer us.
[SPEAKER_04]: Two empanadas right away, two to the throat, and then there was a lady, a lady, okay.
[SPEAKER_04]: Miss a ma'am, Miss girl, Miss, who do you think you are?
[SPEAKER_04]: You're a cooler, selling drinks, you know, like, you know, they have like, Guava, yes, lime, coconut, rum, whatever, yeah, exactly.
[SPEAKER_04]: And she was, and what I loved her is she was so,
[SPEAKER_04]: how expressive she immediately had to sell to any person who went up to her.
[SPEAKER_04]: She knew exactly how to change the dialogue.
[SPEAKER_04]: So when I get up there and she was like, oh, la poppy, what do you need?
[SPEAKER_04]: And she's really putting it on thick.
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I'm like, oh, so what?
[SPEAKER_04]: I get her card because the drinks were amazing.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was first for sixteen dollars.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was a big thing like that with patrone and fresh guava juice.
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, this is your new square?
[SPEAKER_04]: Union square.
[SPEAKER_04]: Out of her cooler.
[SPEAKER_04]: I need her dress.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, well, I have a card even better because I want to do my wedding and I asked her what her name was and she's like my name is bunny and I'm like all right, bunny Okay, and she goes to your name and I go to my name is Juan and she goes oh well my legal name my government name is Juanita and I said okay
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh my god, please!
[SPEAKER_04]: I love- I love nothing more than a black American woman named Oneida.
[SPEAKER_04]: To me that is just such- there's such synergy there.
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know why I love it.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Also, I love one like an African American man, non-Hispanic, his name Hesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I've seen that a few times and I just adore that hearing you say hutsu like this is juuss me Madrid pain like I was my first time in Madrid.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is so oh my god, who's can you imagine?
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh
[SPEAKER_01]: It's either catnip for some Spanish people or they're like, oh god, like blessed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Madrid, you know.
[SPEAKER_03]: You'll be John Dred when this episode ends.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, honey, I will and I hope that Madrid is deep in you.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm feeling it might be that
[SPEAKER_01]: Brussels or the Netherlands or yeah, you're in or Italy Germany deep inside of you Germany Yeah, yeah, yeah, meaning like you don't think like wait, are you saying that like Spain isn't for like the Spanish Men aren't for me or something or you just mean
[SPEAKER_04]: I just think in such a yeah, you know, it tends to be when you go to a play I don't know.
[SPEAKER_04]: I maybe maybe this is a wrong Maybe I'm wrong.
[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe this is a wrong take but I feel like if you go to a gay party in X You maybe not don't necessarily I see what you mean.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah
[SPEAKER_01]: I do know you mean it's that same feeling of like when you go to Coachella or even like yesterday it's pride in New York and even if it's not world pride like pride in New York because it's New York is it's it's it's it's a destination.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a big deal no matter what and so like you get the people you have people coming in from Austin put a pin in that and then you have people coming in from you know like
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what you're saying I met a guy yesterday who was from Germany and I was like oh, okay Australia like you know they make their way over because it's summer and it's actually nice and they're actually them kind of like people in couples They're so they feel so secure because they're like you know they're on vacay or like there's just some sort of security in them So they're more willing to kind of chat and open the door when it comes to like flirtiness where a single people sometimes Maybe this could be a wrong take as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's not the same you know like it's like when you like when I go to Madrid
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think I'm the same wherever I go hostile and and then like sheepish But then I kind of sort of sheepish is so such a lethal combination I know and both of you have experienced both of those things I don't do what I'm purpose.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just you know I receive your trauma response It really is
[SPEAKER_01]: But we'll get into that in the next twenty five minutes.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, but but you know what I mean like I'm excited to go to Madrid listeners.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to Madrid in like a few days and I kind of just decided to do that last week as my show closed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, we closed last night.
[SPEAKER_03]: Congratulations.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Great run.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really, it was really nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was an interesting thing because we were talking about it with Sierra who's in my show.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, we had this lucky arabages for our, yes, for our little mermaid.
[SPEAKER_04]: Christine in Phantom and she didn't get the world of Ariel in Phantom.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, wow.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she created the role of
[SPEAKER_01]: In my show, and she was brilliant in it, and that's the name of her character, Johnny.
[SPEAKER_01]: Got it, yeah, I know I forgot.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, but we were chatting because we were really grateful.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have this moment when she comes down the stairs and we always have a little bit of a chat before she goes on stage.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was always our like, ten second catch-up.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's this feeling of like, wow, you know, you don't really get to do a new work sometimes in New York and have the luxury of like your friends and the New York theater community.
[SPEAKER_01]: to come kind of gets to come to see you went and especially like when it's not on Broadway where there's a little bit of a different kind of pressure people are coming because the hope is that it will run it will be a hit or like it will last in some way so there's this like
[SPEAKER_01]: are you going to win the game you know kind of energy like you come to watch the tennis players win and and so yes when you're when you're lucky enough to do something and I've you know this is my second off Broadway show with the same director which I just clocked right now literally same show clock closed on pride last time went to battle him had a great time many full circle moments but like
[SPEAKER_01]: it was so nice to be able to be here in New York and like have like a set run for a month to like do this show and so there's energetically this way that we knew we were gonna possibly close there was gonna be an extension maybe and that didn't happen and so I feel very grateful and at peace with the closing like I think people were like are you has you know how you doing about it and I'm like I feel really good like we birthed it we made this thing and I got to do a
[SPEAKER_01]: a beautiful piece of art that many many people were like oh my god this you know that they reacted and and received really really well and it was a thought starter so I'm just really happy and to go from that and be like guys sorry I like Irish doubt of our little closing thing because I was just like I gotta go to battle like I just I want yeah like I want to go do these things like all
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love y'all, but exactly who's gonna be there?
[SPEAKER_01]: I know who's gonna be there so I want to be there and I don't get to spend time with Joey and John and so like I wanted to give them a very prideful like event thing because They don't get to do that like my friend Joey lives in Miami for those of you who don't know and he's one of my best friends and has known Juan also as well since we were in high school and so there's this like you know
[SPEAKER_01]: way that you want to honor them being here again for these big moments and so I took them to battle him with me and it was so fierce I just walked up to Marcus and I was like hi he was like hi and I was like I'm usually with Quinton but like they already went in before me and or for Justin and he's like okay and he like looks on the list you know and like I know what I'm doing which is just like
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, just, I know I'm not on the list, but it's also like, you know, Quentin and Justin, and you also did this for me last year.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then he's like, where are you?
[SPEAKER_01]: The great Marcus Kell.
[SPEAKER_04]: The great Marcus Kell.
[SPEAKER_04]: Door, mistress, and extraordinary.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, just like I said to Marty last episode, it's like you're a New York institution at this point.
[SPEAKER_03]: I remember when Marcus was, you know, still working the doors at smaller parties.
[SPEAKER_03]: And now she's, she's the girl to know.
[SPEAKER_01]: She is a girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know how to say she does it.
[SPEAKER_01]: She is so good at what she does.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's never too cutty like unless she has to be in them.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's that iconic video obviously of like you know what happened there.
[SPEAKER_01]: But like at least within my experience like she honors it and you know, so my name was not on set list.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she's like, it's fine, just go.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so she let me in.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we like skipped the line and like, I love that I got to do that with Joey and John.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like they got to see a friend be kind of fierce.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was just like, work and we walked in and like, you know, it was just giving like, it's just was so fun when you say hi to people and all that kind of stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, so I've been sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been talking way too much.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, which I thought I wouldn't because I just woke up two hours ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you're excited.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am, I am, and I'm so happy to be here to talk to you guys because I do want to talk about the things we're going to talk about today.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love talking about the things we're gonna talk about.
[SPEAKER_04]: I actually, you know, I have to say this, you know, not too much emphasis on it, but I love Pride and I was reminded yesterday.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think because this year it was a little bit more low-key.
[SPEAKER_04]: I work Saturday night and Friday night we went to the Eagle, which was really fun and kind of an impromptu, but not formal in any way.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was just, you know, I went with Ian and Joey and John.
[SPEAKER_04]: I remember that like you can kind of make it whatever you want it to be.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, in the past, I feel like the last decade.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's always been like, wow, it's the last pride on earth, baby.
[SPEAKER_04]: So buckle up and let's go, Lauren Sanchez to the moon, baby.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I really said you can kind of choose your own adventure a little bit.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I'm glad I did.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was nice and we had a great time.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think, I think, Jay really enjoyed it.
[SPEAKER_04]: We went to a diner at the end of the night.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like easy like back to back to basics back to a return to form and Johnny you know I got to tell you you're on my mind a lot because in moments like that besides just wishing you were here Yes, and then thinking about some of the memories we've had that like I'm like oh like and I remember that time you like couldn't get into planet pride for
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember that?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think about I think about these moments that like if that happens to me and I couldn't be a part of the fun that I had decided I want to have like you just heard me say I left my closing party because I was like I want to go to battle like I I can sometimes fear a little too like get me to the function because I just want to be there thing and and and sometimes this weekend I thought about you because
[SPEAKER_01]: when I had the eagle night with Juan and and and Joey I thought like oh you know like Johnny's in Austin and like he you're so unbothered sometimes by not being at certain functions and things you're you're having your fun it's not like you're not making yourself
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not like a fucking, you know, hermit.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think about like, and he's fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I like, I feel better about like, you're fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I think about you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just like, Ian, like, you're good.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like wherever you go, there you are.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's the party.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you know anything?
[SPEAKER_03]: And also like sometimes the party is not where you need to be like that.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I feel like that's the thing.
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes we don't even really want to be at the party.
[SPEAKER_03]: We just want to feel that vibe of being at the party.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I used to be with people and yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was at dinner last night.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm in Houston because I came to came with Joe and Jeremy.
[SPEAKER_03]: My friends from awesome.
[SPEAKER_03]: My friends from Austin, friends of the pod and Philip.
[SPEAKER_03]: Of course, my my significant other.
[SPEAKER_03]: And we came to see Beyonce's hometown show and we went out to like some pride events here in Houston because it's Houston's pride this weekend.
[SPEAKER_02]: So we went out we went out we were out to like
[SPEAKER_03]: four or five.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, that's interesting.
[SPEAKER_03]: We went to like three different spots.
[SPEAKER_03]: And we went with our friend, Mo and Max and Moza local.
[SPEAKER_03]: So he was, you know, giving us the fierce treatment that he and treatment of going to the front of the door.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if you do do, we walk right in.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's very nice.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then yesterday, we just laced about and watched TV, watched Drag Race, played some Fortnite.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then we went to a sushi dinner.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I, I was just at dinner and I was like, you know, I'm just going to say this.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, I'm so happy with my life.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was like, I, you know, because I, I pride for me as always like, um, a barometer checking for like how my life is going.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was just like, I've done the party stuff where it's like party after party after party.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, we gotta get out there.
[SPEAKER_03]: We gotta do the things.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've reached the point of my life where it's like, I do want to go to a party every now and then, but I do want to sit and have sushi dinner and, you know, be grown-ups as well and get the song gay and, you know, talk about life and, you know, and even when we came back from the club, we, like, sat and talked about, like, really deep stuff.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I love a deep and meaningful.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, it was just really nice, you know, like, sometimes I don't go to the party.
[SPEAKER_03]: And like, that year that you said, I didn't get into Planet Pride, I went back to my hotel room.
[SPEAKER_03]: I ordered room service.
[SPEAKER_03]: I put my robe on and I had the most fierce night by myself.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I might have gotten a grinder a little bit, but you know, I was still alone at the end of the night.
[SPEAKER_04]: I was at a Bob.
[SPEAKER_03]: I can shake it.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I love being alone.
[SPEAKER_03]: I love quiet solitude.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I know both of you do as well.
[SPEAKER_02]: But sometimes it's like, do I want to be there?
[SPEAKER_02]: Do I want to be there?
[SPEAKER_03]: Or do I just want the feeling of being included?
[SPEAKER_03]: And I have a story to tell.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I've been to so many prides that I really didn't know prides this year, except for this past weekend.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know her.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know privacy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Did I?
[SPEAKER_03]: Was what you happened to upon one?
[SPEAKER_03]: A very proud, you know, I'm very proud to be out and about and gay and stuff like that.
[SPEAKER_04]: I was going to say one thing that I'll make you both feel proud is one of the interactions with the end, but we had multiple trees, liches, fan encounters.
[SPEAKER_01]: Encounters.
[SPEAKER_04]: Encounters.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was really sweet.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was sweet.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you remind us?
[SPEAKER_01]: My brain's a little foggy.
[SPEAKER_04]: So I decided, I decided to go at the end of the night, the total sweetheart whose name is going to come to me in one second.
[SPEAKER_04]: He was so nice and Ian asked him
[SPEAKER_04]: You've mentioned that he is showing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_04]: Ian was like, what is three such as about?
[SPEAKER_04]: And actually, not the quiz.
[SPEAKER_04]: Ian asked that question to be like, can you describe it to us so that we the sense of what you think the show is about?
[SPEAKER_04]: And is, but I think at first he was like, it was like a purity test.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, oh, yeah, you listen.
[SPEAKER_04]: What is it about?
[SPEAKER_03]: What's your favorite episode?
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, I think he then got it when he calmed down with it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, but he just celebrated had the fact that he loved our blend of pop culture.
[SPEAKER_04]: He said literally we that you talk about love and romance and pop culture and you do it through your the unique Latino gay lens, but it still feels.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think he may even said accessible and and easy to listen to it.
[SPEAKER_04]: It was just really.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and it was like you heard it and I thought okay, like
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, that's what we thought.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we thought we were giving, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it wasn't a crazy surprise, and I didn't pay him to say those words.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was actually like, it was nice to just be like, okay, so it's giving authentic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: Wait, Johnny, didn't you say that you had a moment with someone?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I was at the bar with Philip and someone just leaned over and said, I love the podcast, and I just want to say I love what you guys do for the culture, just like just existing in a, you know,
[SPEAKER_03]: It's one of those things where it's like when people say that in public, you have to stop for a second and take it in.
[SPEAKER_03]: I try to take it in and feel like that's so sweet because this person didn't need to say anything.
[SPEAKER_03]: They don't have to do anything.
[SPEAKER_03]: They could just like, oh, there she is.
[SPEAKER_03]: But it was really nice.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's also interesting getting approached in front of friends because it's like, you're like, oh, yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Don't want to make it about me.
[SPEAKER_03]: But then they're like, isn't that special that that person said that?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, yeah, it is.
[SPEAKER_03]: It never gets old when people acknowledge you.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, even if you were like a lawyer, and someone was like, that one case that you did, love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: It might be another lawyer that like, notice that, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm just like a judge.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I just, I just like love a lawyer getting like a compliment.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so we appreciate you milkers before.
[SPEAKER_04]: We really, really do.
[SPEAKER_03]: We really, really do.
[SPEAKER_04]: Speaking of milkers, you got your milkers hat on.
[SPEAKER_04]: I do, oh my god, speaking of you, I've heard a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wore it yesterday to like a little, I went to animal in Brooklyn to meet John and Joey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, did different things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you have two shows.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, oh, I can't really do anything, but I want to do daytimey things.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, I biked my ass from Fort Green to my apartment.
[SPEAKER_01]: I heated a,
[SPEAKER_01]: cook unity sponsor us food situation really really good shrimp pasta so good and then I'm not kidding I put on a different short I the shorts I'm pointing right now at a pair of shorts exactly where I took them off in the hallway by my bathroom haven't moved yet
[SPEAKER_01]: and then I biked all the way back to animal and met Joey and John and we had this little like two-beer moment just like outside chatting and I was like oh I don't do this like the bar scene I never do it and people come up to you and say like oh what's milker
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you a milker?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, not, not, no one did that yesterday actually.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think maybe they, you know, I, I don't know why.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why.
[SPEAKER_03]: But they just assumed by the look, the coming look on your face.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also wore it to battle juicy lips.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wore it to battle him.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I won't point on the stairs.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was just like having a moment with myself.
[SPEAKER_03]: She loves to do the same thing where she like rings up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I have one.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: That reminds me of one time at a house in Ptown last year or yeah, I was last year when I tell you I was on the up and up and I was just like Rob or whoever and Will and Matt they were somewhere and I'm like I'm gonna be right here in dance these names right these names I'm gonna be by myself for seconds
[SPEAKER_01]: Because like I don't there's another thing that I do I don't know if you both like will have clocks that would be like when we're in a group sometimes out dancing I turn around and I dance with myself like and I I'm like looking at my shadow because I'm just like I don't know I'd spawn anyway and so people left me alone I remember and I was like I'm gonna stay here and I had a ball like literally just like go go dancing to myself and then a boy came up to me who I've
[SPEAKER_01]: been with before and like just started like met me with the dance and I just remembered it that was the one of the sexiest moments ever his name is Luke such a hotty and I was impressed because he's white and he could really he could match me on the dance you know like it was like I was in it and he just like came up behind me and like joined the dance do you know what I mean like it was perfect like you you don't just like stop someone in dance and they're like hey like can I cut in
[SPEAKER_01]: with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, he just like slept.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, but yeah, no one said anything about milk or last night either, but you know what, they could have been intimidated by
[SPEAKER_03]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_01]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_03]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_01]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_04]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_01]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_04]: The prime.
[SPEAKER_04]: Sure.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, because when you're wearing the mommy milk or shirt, everyone knows you're a guzzler.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I got I got a lot of people Straightening specifically They want it milker.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was like hmm
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel like I know what that means.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, good for you.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: So Ian, what did you want to talk about today?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, I was thinking about last week like what to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: We've been guessing a lot with amazing, amazing guests.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought I realized I was like, you know,
[SPEAKER_01]: Johnny you don't live here Juan is always busy like I just had this moment where I realized I don't really know how you guys are doing and we yes we have our thread and we talk and we communicate kind of all the time but but also passively with just like a TikTok or like a thing that that you know we were consuming that day right but I had this kind of like
[SPEAKER_01]: just thought around I wanted to do a check in about how we're all like doing some some interesting things happened to me last week around some love and so I wanted to chat about ways that you're both navigating your like
[SPEAKER_01]: overall health.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, not just mental health, but it was like, you know, Juan, I know you're busy and you're working in pride and Jay, and he's not living here.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm just like, how are you navigating?
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there something that is helping you through that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there something that you think you're over compensating by?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I thought it would be an interesting conversation to do like
[SPEAKER_01]: a a check in with with my besties around our overall wellness, you know, and just like emotionally how we're doing in Johnny, like, yeah, you know, wellness and the pursuit thereof.
[SPEAKER_01]: Correct.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'll start since we were just mentioning it.
[SPEAKER_04]: I have been working.
[SPEAKER_04]: I started a new new job in September of last year and I've worked more than I thought I was going to work.
[SPEAKER_04]: My hours have been some more intense.
[SPEAKER_04]: I haven't multiple jobs, but
[SPEAKER_04]: all together when you zoom out, I just did not expect to be working as much as I have been in the last eight months, ten months.
[SPEAKER_04]: And then on top of that, so that's been difficult, right, and stressful.
[SPEAKER_04]: And yet I have this new love in this
[SPEAKER_04]: beautiful new relationship and so there's this there's this like hot and cold caro scuro thing going on like good and bad it's like I'm very grateful for my life I'm a little bit resentful of my workload and it's this tug of war and what has really really suffered is and I just I had to eventually just like Jesus take the wheel is my sleeping
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I mean, the lack of sleep in this past winter into spring was, it's a disfiguring amount of sleep.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I was losing that, so many hours that I was really starting to feel like I was losing, touch with myself.
[SPEAKER_04]: And there's this, there's this, and I hate this, but if this sense that the hours you have at night are,
[SPEAKER_04]: to sleep are like hours almost are keeping that are that are preventing you from productivity right it's like that that the famous internal memo that was shared around Netflix that's that we don't we don't come our competition is not other streaming platforms or whatever else our competition is sleep
[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, the hours that the human brain will give us, and I think that that's something that I've really struggled with because I feel, as I mentioned on the show, so myself worth is often so tied up with productivity, success, money, achievement, glory.
[SPEAKER_04]: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on
[SPEAKER_04]: Jay has really helped because lately he's kind of made it impossible for me to not sleep.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_04]: He's really helped.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I'm also not trying to rely.
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't want to rely.
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, listen, why else have a boyfriend or a partner other than to help make each other better, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I also don't want him to be like
[SPEAKER_04]: like feel like he's the the juggernaut of momentum that is making me do the things I need to do for me.
[SPEAKER_04]: I need to be the one who can drive that train a little bit.
[SPEAKER_04]: So I've really been trying to do that.
[SPEAKER_04]: And, and it's not just sleep, but it's also then in turn realizing that I'm thirty eight years old, right?
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm thirty eight.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I'm thirty eight.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm twenty seven plus actually.
[SPEAKER_04]: That'll help me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, since I'm twenty seven plus, that whole portion will just be removed.
[SPEAKER_04]: It's not twenty seven plus, you realize that like, yeah, are you really going to take care?
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, what is, um, what is, um,
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I can I guess.
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you going to do?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you're buddy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_01]: You and your buddy are going to be together for a very long time.
[SPEAKER_04]: I just.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's neat.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I come to her.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, where is his friend?
[SPEAKER_01]: But he like barely got there.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I just fell.
[SPEAKER_04]: He just revealed his in.
[SPEAKER_04]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm Broadway, because her name is Viola Van Horn, which is hilarious.
[SPEAKER_04]: But the character of element horn played by
[SPEAKER_04]: Isabella Rosalini.
[SPEAKER_04]: Isabella Rosalini tells Goldie Han and Merrill Streep like be careful with your bodies.
[SPEAKER_04]: You're gonna be together.
[SPEAKER_04]: You're gonna be together for a very long time.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we may not, I may not be together with this body as long for eternity.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I do want to make sure that like, I just, I don't want to be in shambles.
[SPEAKER_04]: as I go into my forties so my reconnection is like okay enough what do I need to do to look the way I want to look to feel the way I want to feel to carry myself with the amount of energy through the day that I want to
[SPEAKER_04]: to have, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_04]: And sleep wellness, the gym, all of that, it's a part of that.
[SPEAKER_04]: I really do wish that I did not define my self-worth by money seconds and achievement, and I also wish I didn't relate it to how I look so much, and I really wish
[SPEAKER_04]: it weren't like that and you know therapy helps and I'm doing the work but I'm also thirty eight so like you know what if that matters to that much you got to work on it right because if you're going to be heartbroken every day because you feel uncomfortable in your body then it might be as long as it's a healthy
[SPEAKER_04]: thing, health, you know, healthy issues.
[SPEAKER_04]: As long as it's not too toxic, let's put it that way.
[SPEAKER_01]: As long as it's toxic, it's good to do so.
[SPEAKER_01]: I get what you mean, we're like, you're like, I want to try to turn this into something that I'm empowered by rather than.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, which is great, but my question I think is like, but are you have evidence to point towards the fact that you are that your body or your look is not worthy, like, and I'll ask in the sense that
[SPEAKER_01]: How does how do you feel in front of Jay?
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh fantastic.
[SPEAKER_01]: How does he I don't want to say make you feel but like in reaction to him when you see yourself through him in his eyes like
[SPEAKER_01]: What is he giving?
[SPEAKER_04]: It's amazing.
[SPEAKER_04]: I have never felt, I have never, a man has never made me feel the way J feels.
[SPEAKER_04]: Makes me feel.
[SPEAKER_04]: Which is, what are the words, can you describe it?
[SPEAKER_04]: So impossibly beautiful, just perfectly shaped in every way for him.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's how he makes me feel.
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, every day.
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, it's, I, he doesn't ever,
[SPEAKER_04]: set a negative thing and yet I don't feel like he's lying.
[SPEAKER_04]: It feels grounded and I feel like everything he says, I really believe and it's a beautiful feeling.
[SPEAKER_04]: But just, you know, that doesn't chop off the head of the little demon on my shoulder that still has like my own obsession with body and everything else.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think that's becoming from having been a performer and, you know, just growing up and lying culture.
[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of those things that just are so presentation.
[SPEAKER_04]: presentation that presentation on the base that is written into my constitution, but it's been amazingly helpful to think about exactly what you're saying.
[SPEAKER_04]: This man loves me.
[SPEAKER_04]: What else do I need?
[SPEAKER_04]: I also want to feel like
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, it's okay that I do also have my own goals on it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I didn't want it to I wasn't really saying like it's only if that if the man who you have sees you that way then nothing matter.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just meant like I want you know, we do talk and we talk and it I just loved that you ended up saying he makes me feel impossibly beautiful.
[SPEAKER_01]: and like I bought that like you felt that so it was just like you know as long as you have that current of yes appreciation and adulation from your partner like that's the most important place to have it first and then just so it's it's just like nice it's like it you should have that so just as a reminder that like you are
[SPEAKER_01]: You are seen as a beautiful person and from me and from John, you know, anyway, not to we're not getting satisfied.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I don't want to like, therapists you in any way, but I do this is something I noticed with you, but I also noticed with Ian and I noticed with myself is that
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes it feels as though we feel that we need to earn permission to just be in joy, like, and stillness.
[SPEAKER_03]: Because it's like, when I think of Juan, like, on a daily basis, I feel like,
[SPEAKER_03]: He, to me, feels like a White House staffer.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like everything is breaking news, everything is, we've got to do it now.
[SPEAKER_03]: There's chaos, but this is the way I work.
[SPEAKER_03]: This is the way I, and I feel like that is sometimes the, because I don't think it's cosplay, I think it's actually real, but I think we forget to zoom out and be like, let me sit.
[SPEAKER_03]: and not need to be anywhere.
[SPEAKER_03]: We're just so used to needing to be productive, even when we're not paid to be.
[SPEAKER_03]: Now I have to relax the hardest way I can relax.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have to do it in a hundred percent.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I've been noticing lately because of therapy and he just clocked me on that and was like, you don't need to earn joy.
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't need to earn just doing whatever the fuck you want to do.
[SPEAKER_03]: You can do whatever the fuck you want to do.
[SPEAKER_03]: So if you want to jerk off three times a day, you do that.
[SPEAKER_03]: If it becomes an issue, it becomes an issue sure.
[SPEAKER_03]: But stop critiquing yourself every little emotion, every little feeling that you have.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I did a pottery class with Philip at a scheduled a date for us to do like a surprise pottery class.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I did not think it was going to be so transformative in this class.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like it was a basics in pottery class.
[SPEAKER_03]: But the way the man, the teaching of what he was saying hit home so much like one of the first things he said was, and now remember this is supposed to be fun.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I like, look, Philip looks right at me.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it was like, oh, she clocked me.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I felt so romantic.
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I was about to try and make the most perfect pottery clot, like my first time around, like, I was gonna be the best.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was gonna, you know, make something that I was gonna be proud of.
[SPEAKER_03]: And he's like, you have to realize that, like, this is your first time at the wheel.
[SPEAKER_03]: And you're going to make so many mistakes.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if you keep trying to mold that clay to be perfect, you're not going to be perfect.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's never going to be perfect.
[SPEAKER_03]: And also, what is perfect?
[SPEAKER_03]: And then he did this thing, which I thought was so fascinating.
[SPEAKER_03]: He made the, like, his version of the perfect
[SPEAKER_03]: base, like a little potter, and then he like stopped the wheel or like shook the wheel, and then one side caved in a little bit.
[SPEAKER_03]: And he said, now that piece went from twenty dollars to fifty five dollars, because of its very unique imperfection.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was like, oh my god, this is so true.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, because it's true, if I would have seen that at the store, like perfect, I would have like, oh, that's cute.
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's seeing it like in a very imperfect way.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, oh, wow, there it is.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, so it's like, I've been really leaning into that in my own life of like not doing anything, not needing to be anywhere.
[SPEAKER_03]: My bills are paid.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, and it's funny because sometimes we feel like, okay, I'm not making enough money.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have to make more money.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, you talked about your age and I was like, at what point do we allow ourselves to say, maybe this is enough for right now?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe yes, I do want more, but maybe this is enough.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, maybe I'm proud of myself actually.
[SPEAKER_03]: that I'm living a life that ten years ago, I would have been like, God, I wish I could just have that man or by myself and you know, like even Ian saying like doing my show and then going to the party and like just like I feel like we need to be more proud of where we are and who we are.
[SPEAKER_01]: because at what point you know life is we only have one you know it's interesting you said about the pride thing like I posted a how proud I am happy pride post on Instagram and it's it's funny like when I wrote the words down and then I posted it
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt proud like I just because like you know you get you're like yeah, it's pride and blah blah and I was doing a show and like I wasn't present with like how am I feeling about pride rather than just like pride is happening like
[SPEAKER_01]: what that all can like you know party party mean and like when I wrote it was like proud of who I am proud of who I'm get to be loved by like and I just thought like well you know when you declare it and you you write it you know in a journal let alone posted on Instagram it there was something energetically that was really it gave me a really good boost yesterday because then I thought about like wait I really am though like and and it's just kind of it's piggybacking what you're saying that like it's kind of what happens when we're at Coachella it's that feeling of like we're all
[SPEAKER_01]: a little bit more open on these on these very important weekends that make you feel like everything is okay and where where you are right now is like enough you know that's why holidays and those things are so important exactly they they a summon
[SPEAKER_04]: That kind of behavior Christmas does give you know Thanksgiving.
[SPEAKER_04]: He's our agent.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just putting on a shoe, but every day, but I know what you mean.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, the thing like the little salt, the little celebrations and day to day.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like I, I went to Target the other day because Philip and I went to a restaurant and they like it was a restaurant that had games.
[SPEAKER_03]: So we while we were waiting for our food, we played Uno with each other.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, oh, we should do that.
[SPEAKER_03]: We should get like, oh, no, to have at the house like in case you want to like play together.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I went and got, oh, no, and then I like was walking by the game section and there was like a bunch of puzzles.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, oh, my God, I love puzzles.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just said it.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was like, I love puzzles.
[SPEAKER_03]: Why am I not doing puzzles?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, so I bought my box of puzzles and fit like I went home.
[SPEAKER_03]: I put it up, you know, set it up at the counter and then Philips playing Fortnite and I'm doing the puzzle.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I thought to myself, like, this is what I work for.
[SPEAKER_03]: This is what I strive for.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's for this moment of peace.
[SPEAKER_03]: And you know, it's, I was talking to my therapist about this.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, we're always looking for joy.
[SPEAKER_03]: We're looking for like, I just want to be happy.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just want to be happy.
[SPEAKER_03]: He's like, do you know that most people's search for happiness?
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not verbatim what he said, but most people's search for happiness is just they're seeking the escape from anxiety.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's not so much that they want to be happy.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's that they don't want to feel the dysfunction, the hurricane.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, I think I started crying when he said that because I'm like, oh my God, it's so true.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not that we aren't happy.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's that we're so used to.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's why like, you know, I've
[SPEAKER_03]: Like Ian said in our group chat, like I've taken my fifteen social media sabbatical.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I realized like, you know, I've gone, I get, I go on like in the morning and at night mostly or if I post something but I don't stay online because there's so, there's like a constant, you know, waterfall of information that I feel like really makes a lot of noise in my brain that doesn't need to be there.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that's why I've been so like adamant about like taking the pottery class, making the puzzles going to Barton Springs in Austin, which is like, you know, a natural spring where people just go and lay out because I don't, you know, especially with what's going on in the world, like we don't know what's going to happen.
[SPEAKER_03]: And instead of predicting in my head every day with the timeline,
[SPEAKER_03]: I'd rather just live my life because I don't know how long I have.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and I don't mean that I'm like a really scary sad way.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just mean it in a like, I want to be able to be on my deathbed and said, you know, I really gave, enjoying my life a shot.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, yes, you just made me think about John Stewart was a guest on Trevor Noah's podcast what now and what now what was that using IP and John talks about they have this moment like how
[SPEAKER_01]: John is kind of like a hermit or at one point like the whole gag is you know he never was out and if he was it was like oh like why is he why is he out right and he's like I like being at home and I used to make a lot of furniture he doesn't anymore because he's in his different home and he talks about how the using of your hands and being in the space and making something in that way was his way it was his puzzle it was his pottery class
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's why I love cooking.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like when he said it, I was like, Oh, that's why I love it because you're, it's the, it's the, it's the meditation.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the, you make, you do that, you know, like, oh, it's that the, um, chopwood carry water.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I've ever heard that.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you just, just in the doing of the chopwood carry water, the thing will fix itself.
[SPEAKER_01]: You will learn, you will feel what you need to feel right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just like happy you're, you're, you're having those, those moments like because
[SPEAKER_01]: that is healing.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I was on the phone with Trace, my friend, and I was doing the puzzle and she was on Facebook.
[SPEAKER_03]: She's like, you are the only bitch I know that does a puzzle.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was like, I was like, yeah, and then I said, like a joke, like, oh, this is so old person of me.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I was like, actually,
[SPEAKER_03]: What it is again therapy I discussed this I was like I think it's just me trying to return to what I loved as a child and what I loved as a child was doing puzzles and like these these like the idea of going to a pottery class I always wanted to do that in school, but like I didn't go to a school that had that kind of department
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like going back to those childlike joys that like you brought you like go get away from when you start to become a teenager and a young adult because you're like doing the things that you think you're supposed to do to be an adult.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think getting older and like retiring is partly returning to your child like self like saying you know what I worked and now I'm going to enjoy and I think we just have to get better and join before the retirement comes because then you don't know how much longer.
[SPEAKER_03]: longer you have with that retirement check, you know?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, for me, I have to get back.
[SPEAKER_04]: I already told myself, like, I have to have to have to must get into a, like, like casino, salsa dancing, but casinos like when you're like, people dance in a circle and you switch part and it's part and it's called casinos.
[SPEAKER_04]: There are so many places to do it in New York.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love casinos dancing.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_04]: I never do it.
[SPEAKER_04]: be here.
[SPEAKER_04]: I've only done it like with my cousins and in Miami and years ago because I haven't lived in Miami for twenty years.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like last time I really really did it.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like really did it was when I was in like going doing the fifteenth circuit when people were doing their king sing yetas and I was in other people's like king sing yetas in their their king sing yeta courts.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: So those last time I did it and there's so many places in New York and I really is like that would be a very nutritious thing for me to do.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I have created an ecosystem in which I don't really have hobbies anymore.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Do you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_04]: Like I don't really have any hobbies.
[SPEAKER_04]: I used to play games when I was a kid and then as an adult I've like created a thing in my personality where I don't like games.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, you have.
[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't really love them.
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't really love them.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I, but I'm going to try to enjoy them because it is a fun thing to do.
[SPEAKER_04]: As soon as someone else is maintaining the rules and I can make and look at the cards and put them down and up for me, I want to play.
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree with that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hold on, I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, for sure.
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm not playing that Catan show.
[SPEAKER_03]: play itself is super important as adults like we don't you know but we could kid to how we like go run through the woods just to just go run through the woods and like play or like go on the playground and like play whatever you know we just and I feel like that's why I love and you know people get together and have game nights or like
[SPEAKER_03]: you know, go on a vacation in a cabin and they have like, charades or celebrity and it's like, because you're doing, you're like, you're, you're bringing that joy that is untapped that you, you're not allowed to access in your day to nine to five day, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: Which actually makes your nine to five a little easier because you're sustaining your energy by playing by, you know, and whatever play means to you, it could be a massage, like, you know, it could, it's just like, treat yourself.
[SPEAKER_04]: Our pursuit of fierceness.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: A fierceness of fun of everything.
[SPEAKER_04]: Everything has prevented us from being able to enjoy the simpler things.
[SPEAKER_04]: She's gonna kill me for saying this.
[SPEAKER_04]: But when we were in high school, one of my dear friends, Christina Machado.
[SPEAKER_04]: She's one of my best friends.
[SPEAKER_04]: I had a dear, a dear friend group called Jarks.
[SPEAKER_04]: Juan, Alec, Christina, Rebecca, and Sloan.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there would be like a LGBTQ icon, plus I for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was on occasion.
[SPEAKER_04]: There was exactly, there was exactly, Jarkis.
[SPEAKER_04]: So, we, you know, listen, we were like spoiled rich kids.
[SPEAKER_04]: So we did whatever that we wanted.
[SPEAKER_04]: For like, when Christina, if Christina didn't get, we didn't go out and like the mayor of Miami Beach, she didn't come and meet us at the entrance.
[SPEAKER_04]: And we did not go
[SPEAKER_04]: hand in hand with Gloria Stephon into the on stage and perform fourteen songs and then travel to Las Vegas overnight and do so in a new Louis Vuitton outfit and we hadn't had that kind of night it was a bad night so I used to say like we don't get the keys to the city tonight we're gonna have a bad night and I think that that is part of our generation is the idea that like there is so much emphasis on like the superlative excitement the most the best and
[SPEAKER_04]: needing to do that kind of often makes it difficult to enjoy the mundane, right?
[SPEAKER_04]: And then we're social media, which makes us want to always look the best, be the best, do the best, do the best, all of that.
[SPEAKER_04]: Can we just stay at home and wear a t-shirt?
[SPEAKER_04]: Please, in silence.
[SPEAKER_04]: Can we just wear an extra large Sunday t-shirt and enjoy a cup of tea?
[SPEAKER_04]: Is anyone drinking TV's days?
[SPEAKER_01]: Robert Padgett.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, is he enjoying the tea?
[SPEAKER_01]: He loves it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to try getting a thirteen cups a day, and I'm like dad, like his, because my parents stayed with me a super-to-side, but like they were here for four days.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was great.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have new plans because of my mom, and you know, it was just like nice to have them in the space.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was like, dad, like, what is your nutrition journey?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, peace cheese.
[SPEAKER_01]: Some bread.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't eat much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, like, yes, you look good, but like, you could look better if you had protein.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then he's just like, uh, more tea, more tea.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like drinking tea at eight PM.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's one of those things where he's just like, God, it does nothing to me anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, you're, you are not smarter than your body, Dad.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like, kind of, but like, we all are eighty nine.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it looks the way he does.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think he knows what he's doing.
[SPEAKER_03]: I know.
[SPEAKER_03]: I give him a first.
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to do this.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're right.
[SPEAKER_03]: But that's also the thing, like, we're in our, you know, twenty seven plus years.
[SPEAKER_03]: So we're like, you know, you gotta be, you gotta be careful.
[SPEAKER_03]: You gotta maintain.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like,
[SPEAKER_03]: We're also like putting our own anxiety sometimes on our parents, like, yes, because we want them to, you know, eat like that.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I realize I've like, let my mom has been, she walks every morning now and she sends us a picture every morning of her walking so that we hold her accountable and
[SPEAKER_03]: I realize I've kind of like not checked and checking in on her and her health and stuff because I'm like, look at her doing that for herself.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and it also kind of like makes me think like, oh, she's doing that every morning.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to start doing thirty minutes of cardio every day and like
[SPEAKER_03]: I hate cardio, I really do.
[SPEAKER_03]: But like, that's also the thing that I'm like, why do I hate it?
[SPEAKER_03]: Why do I give myself that kind of like, this is who I am.
[SPEAKER_03]: I hate that.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, just like Ian the other day was like, I think he would like swimming.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, I hate swimming.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and I'm like, wait, why do I say that?
[SPEAKER_03]: I know that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I care for what you say, yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and I'm like, I need to just stop saying, I don't do that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I hate this.
[SPEAKER_03]: I am not that.
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I say that to people all the time.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, what if you change that mindset?
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, like, so it's like, why don't I do that?
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and then I go swimming and I scrape the bottom of my chin because I'm like too close to the floor, but alas.
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, that's how you make.
[SPEAKER_01]: You live in your learn and you make your ancestors proud, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: I will say there's I have I didn't realize I was doing it, but with
[SPEAKER_01]: like day, I'd always be like, like day, favorite day, oh my god, it's my favorite day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I always say that, and people are always like, you're crazy, like that's everyone hate like day, like day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, yeah, so you will continue to hate like day.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I say like days my favorite, I have tricked myself.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it is like, I just know it's, it's so satisfying and I'm like, no one is doing it the way I'm doing it at the gym.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever, whatever is the, whatever gets you through the workout.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, exactly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's just a Miranda priestly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Nobody can do what I do.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's I say that to myself a lot I do think there is a mind tricky thing that's happened there because now
[SPEAKER_01]: It is just this thing I have to I do and it is my favorite and it doesn't mean it's not hard I'm not saying I trick myself out of the effort that it's going to take to do the thing but you go I am enjoying I understand that this is this is
[SPEAKER_01]: what it is and I like it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I make it so that it's there's fun and play in some way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Does that make sense?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, of course.
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course.
[SPEAKER_04]: The gamification of it a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: A little bit.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: Anyway.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's the thing like words mean things.
[SPEAKER_03]: They they turn into things.
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's like if we're like, that's why like I made it such a point to be like, God, I love my life right now.
[SPEAKER_03]: you know, to like, really because not only is it true, but it's like, I think it's important to say it loud.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's important to like, you did a really great in that today.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and also I'm, I notice I've been so like, I need to do this.
[SPEAKER_03]: I need to be working.
[SPEAKER_03]: I need to be making money as I was like, but the checks are coming in.
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe they're not that big.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I also, you know, I'm living in a different city now and like my money goes a lot further.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that has a lot to do with it too.
[SPEAKER_03]: To be able to give myself that space to be like, but it's like, I could also go like, I should be in it in New York or I like, I should be working.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I'm like, and that will happen.
[SPEAKER_03]: But like, who knows what will happen?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, enjoy this quiet moment right now and like get
[SPEAKER_03]: back to who you are because I think that's also the thing as millennials sometimes we kind of define ourselves by our careers.
[SPEAKER_03]: It may be not just millennials but like you know our generation and before you know it's like only as good as our last job only as good as our paycheck we're only as good as our status symbol and I think like I think also being in small accounts and times you see how happy people are with
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't want to say less because I feel like it is a lot for them.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I feel like sometimes you live in a city like New York where everything's big, big, big, big.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, I gotta be big, big, big.
[SPEAKER_03]: I gotta do big things.
[SPEAKER_03]: I gotta be with big people.
[SPEAKER_03]: I gotta, you know what's like, how like overwhelming can that be for a small little mind every day?
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, and we're actors.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like Juan, you may be not in front of the camera right now, but like we're all
[SPEAKER_01]: We're all performers.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's this, there's this, you know, work hard, make your parents proud, fear that you won't have enough coming in.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's just like, we're human.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're, we want, and we want things for ourselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we live in a world now where social media doesn't help at all because you are just seeing the highlight real blah blah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like the way to combat the, the hyper fixation on productivity is to,
[SPEAKER_01]: include play.
[SPEAKER_01]: Radical optimism.
[SPEAKER_03]: Do a leaper.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do do the peeps.
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's why sometimes I hound you two when we're like when we're threading or doing stuff and like I'm always doing it bits because I just like want us to play all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like I want to play like I want to just like I want to get lost in a thing and see where it goes because it it it it it a live ends me.
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes me feel good.
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes me laugh like it's
[SPEAKER_01]: it's like it's why I'm so desperate to want to always want like want to be funny or do do bits and like see if people meet me there and all that kind of stuff like that's a thing that I crave I think is like and I don't maybe always act I may I access it with you too and I think that's what's so fun about what we get to do here but can I share something that happened last week not the being stood up at the boys house at four a.m.
[SPEAKER_01]: after I took a sixty five dollar Uber there
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, although we can talk about that, but I've made my piece with that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I have to say, because listeners just really real quick.
[SPEAKER_01]: a person I have hooked up with before I saw at the eagle and then I left.
[SPEAKER_01]: I left first and I'm getting pizza with Joey and Juan.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I got a Texas like you should have slept over and I was like, I said that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like you said no.
[SPEAKER_01]: My dear.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I come over?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you can.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're like, and we have like a connection and they're in a relationship, but like we have a thing like we're just, we like each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I go there no one's answering the door.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's I wait a little and the reason I waited longer than any other person I think in the world is because we did we I we had this direction.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I had I have trusted him.
[SPEAKER_01]: I that was the biggest thing is like oh, like your freshman year
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and like we were supposed to have breakfast the next morning and it just so happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was happen since I read bummed into each other at the evil and it was like nice and we were making it like it seemed so odd that there was a standing up of like oh you're now ignoring me and I really do think like there's the simplest answer which is he did fall asleep and I'm not gonna let the friend be a representation
[SPEAKER_01]: of the of him, like the friend who came down and was getting postmates and there were two coaxons, like, but you can order food and then pass the fuck out.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's both, you know, and I was grateful to be able to say it to Juan and to say it to Johnny, because Johnny was giving me like, bitch, you better not answer that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I needed that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I needed the friend to be like, to affirm my anger, but then I also needed Joey to be like, oh, like the second I sent him the text of like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: This doesn't excuse it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I crashed out so hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was sleeping.
[SPEAKER_01]: Joey goes, okay, so it was a misunderstanding.
[SPEAKER_01]: Good to know, like that was that was very odd.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so hilarious that I have a friend who sees it like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I had other friends who like, you know, we ramp up in ways that help us feel justified in our feelings, right?
[SPEAKER_04]: All these Joey was very kind in that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm misunderstanding.
[SPEAKER_03]: You tell a bitch to come over and then you don't answer the door.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was odd.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying, you know, but, but
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm at peace with it in the sense that like I'm not going to text it.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, but I'm not going to like I'm not going to like text him or anything like that and like I was it through me off because I wrote in my journal around like what is it about it that is
[SPEAKER_01]: grinding my gears and it's like this sense of control you feel like oh I had trust in this person I had an idea and I told a friend of mine at a party on Saturday and he was like Ian like you are such a great person like you're so open and like you know I know you think that that's what that all was but like that's a really dick move thing to do and like he said he's like you need to be more skeptical and I was like that's so funny you say that because I in the last month slash like
[SPEAKER_01]: two months have been trying to not be the skeptical person I've actually been trying to throw myself into the overly tender the mushy mushy like someone who goes hey I will come to the Beyonce concert with me like the guy I was talking to in Chicago and like I was I was on purpose and deciding to be someone who was like high-bub and like you know like I was trying to nurture that thing and and water is scary thing
[SPEAKER_01]: doing the scary thing yeah exactly and like just leaping and seeing if the net will stay and you know it it that person I actually are not no longer gonna be talking because he sent me a text and he's like I want to focus on my mental health and I there's just a lot of stuff going on with me but I really appreciate like how we've gotten to know each other and you know because we were trying to see each other and he was gonna maybe come here before going to p-town and all that stuff and like
[SPEAKER_01]: I noticed how nice that felt to be vulnerable with someone and to do the risky thing and show someone you like them and tell them you like them, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: At the risk of them telling you they don't and surviving that whatever and it was interesting because that had happened on Wednesday or Thursday and I was a little bummed but I also just thought he was so forth right with
[SPEAKER_01]: what he needed and and I was like I completely understand I'm like I'm so thankful you told me and and just know that like I'm just like happy we know each other and like you know I think like the world of you and he was like I knew you would understand and I don't know it's just this really beautiful adult way of like saying you know you live there I live here and we're gonna focus somewhere we are and
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought about what happened with the getting stood up thing, you know, at night and I was like, oh, it's just a sense of control.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this feeling of like, I got in my head around maybe I do need to start holding again.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I do need to be more skeptical, you know, and I hate and it made me think that.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's not, yeah, that's not the answer.
[SPEAKER_03]: The answer is just you were just respected.
[SPEAKER_03]: this other guy that said the very thing that the rejection right because that's what ultimately sometimes it feels like that is rejection with kindness it's it's it's there's a respect for your time and for how you feel versus when someone tells you to come over and then they like fall asleep
[SPEAKER_03]: and there's post-vades coming to their door and there's two coaks like that feels like a disrespect that feels like oh you don't respect my time you don't respect me for me to be standing on this sidewalk waiting for you to respond to the text you
[SPEAKER_03]: feel disrespected.
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's like, yeah, that's what I don't feel like people don't understand.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like ghosting is disrespectful because people are so used to not being able to say, hey, I think we're better as friends or hey, I'm going to focus on me or hey, I'm dating this other guy.
[SPEAKER_03]: People are so used to just saying, if maybe if I ignore it enough, it'll go away.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, it's not going to go away because that person's going to think you're a dick.
[SPEAKER_03]: And maybe you don't care about being perceived as a tick, but most people do.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: And most people just want to push things under the rug, but eventually that dirt is going to show up, you know?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: I just add that what you endured in that fiasco is a very, very horrendous feeling.
[SPEAKER_04]: It is the
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, it's a sex in the city, worst case scenario, like gay, rom-com situation.
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's so embarrassing and terrible.
[SPEAKER_04]: But I will tell you, I actually don't think it was the most vulnerable act.
[SPEAKER_04]: You felt, well, it made what happened.
[SPEAKER_04]: What he did opened up your heart to a lot of vulnerability and like, ugh.
[SPEAKER_04]: But you going there was not vulnerable.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's why it's disrespectful.
[SPEAKER_04]: Because, and that's why I don't, the misunderstanding thing is a little bit, I don't want to couch it with too much kindness and warmth.
[SPEAKER_04]: Because, it was not a vulnerable act, because this is your second act, bat.
[SPEAKER_04]: You already, you already, you already, you already, been to the house.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, exactly, you already up at the plate again to this picture.
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
[SPEAKER_04]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_04]: So, you were back up on the mound.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: So, this was more of a short thing.
[SPEAKER_04]: It should have been.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: So, I found that to be so,
[SPEAKER_04]: That's particularly why I think, you know, because I people who go on six dates and then they get ghosted versus like being ghosted after the first day when you've had expectations of like, wow, we know each other bitch.
[SPEAKER_04]: Like we know each other.
[SPEAKER_04]: You know me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_04]: That's when I found that situation to be so it was so quintessentially a New York love and romance horror story and nobody deserves that.
[SPEAKER_04]: No one.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's why like when I responded, you know, when he's when this person texts like saying, I'm sorry, there's no excuse or whatever.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, do not reply.
[SPEAKER_03]: Not because I want to be like sassy bitchy Johnny, but I feel like we really do teach people how to treat us.
[SPEAKER_03]: And by removing contact from this person, you're really sending a message.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you know, no no responses of response, you know, just like no answering the door is, you know, a response, it's something.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, I'm not trying to be petty, I'm not trying it, but it's like, I don't, I'm not responding to this text message right now, because one, I was just respected too.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm gonna show you that that's not how you treat me.
[SPEAKER_03]: Whether you meant it or did not mean it, that is not a for me to decide what the way I felt was, was earned.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, my feelings are my feelings.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's the thing, like, sometimes I, and this is not against Joey because I think,
[SPEAKER_03]: that the at best it wasn't misunderstanding and at worst it was a blatant disrespect.
[SPEAKER_03]: But your feelings no matter where that spectrum is are valid.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: You can be you can feel away about someone's good intention.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: But I think like your your protection and it's also sometimes like that happen and you probably were like
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, this is why this is what happens when and it's like no, you don't need to take it was on me correct and it's like that's not your but that's also like our defense mechanism is like if I didn't do this if I hadn't done that.
[SPEAKER_03]: And sure, we could explain away all of our side of it.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I really just think, ultimately, you just have to protect your own piece.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I don't know that litigating what happened with this person was the best way to go about it, which I know sometimes I could come across like fuck that bitch.
[SPEAKER_03]: She's dead now.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's really just the fun of it all.
[SPEAKER_01]: but ultimately what it's like what I'm saying is protect yourself because that's not the way you were treated was not okay you know and yeah I have been I have been throwing myself into a little bit of like oh every like there's there's there's good intention there like I've ascribed and I think it's nice I'm like but but then I'm like am I am I am I am I overly
[SPEAKER_01]: am I regressing in terms of my discernment like am I being overly naive for the sake of someone's connection just because it feels nice and because they looked at me and like I like the way you do you know what I'm talking about like you get lost and maybe yeah we get we give people the benefit of the doubt when they are what we want
[SPEAKER_04]: But I don't think you were diluted in what you see.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think so either.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know I'm just saying like you know you but it's possible.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's you you get a little like when a moment like that happens And you feel embarrassed and you feel like well wait like there's there's two coax and then the guy who came down It was like he's sleeping.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like okay We were just texting and then we're just kind of standing looking at each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was so weird like to die crazy Yeah, that's how I felt and also tone he's sleeping Yeah, yeah, he's like sleeping.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you knew I was coming over
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh-huh.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and so that feeling like wow.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katy Perry's on the road.
[SPEAKER_01]: Both things can be true.
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then you go, oh, it's just, my brain got turbulent around like, oh my god, like, are they laughing about me up there?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh my god, I can't believe he's still down there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know that whole thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and what if they were?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just I'm saying,
[SPEAKER_01]: it felt it key in the moment you feel I felt degraded you know and then I was like upset at the moment and I was upset at him and then like you go like you go like oh like he and like I don't know then you start to give yourself the note and the judgment so that you know what I mean just so that because you're trying to correct and you're trying to control and try to figure out like okay well maybe it was this so you know you know it's just such a gay boy way of self soothing because
[SPEAKER_03]: like when people have disrespected us our whole lives we've internalized it and we're like well if I just were more masculine or if I didn't do this or if I didn't like do this then maybe I would be loved you know what I mean and it's like that's why I always say baseline you are worthy of love no matter what
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's why like you can't internalize that because it's not your issue.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like maybe he was too tired.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's his issue.
[SPEAKER_03]: But he made it your issue.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's not yours to then take on and take home like a backpack like of shame.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, like, oh, maybe he would never have done this to so and so.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like would he do this to, you know, like that is noise that does not belong to you.
[SPEAKER_03]: you know what I mean that's why I'm like oh this bitch is this bitch is trying it you leave me outside for five minutes or however long oh I'm pumping it I don't care if I you know what I almost told you to do it was to send him a Venmo request for sixty five dollars I thought about like that part yeah because oh oh if if it was a misunderstanding and you're so sorry there's no excuse for it pay me my money bitch
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but luckily I my bills are paid and I don't need to ask a man for money to No, no, it's you know, it's it's very much like oh if you are sorry show me bitch pay me
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I do know a dog mentality of me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, but and and that level of dumb mentality is like I everyone could use us a little bit of that a little bit of that and I and I'm that's why I'm so thankful, you know, like I shared it with you guys because I maybe wouldn't have because I think I would have been embarrassed.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think to even share specifically with you, Johnny because I think like I think you're gonna be like and like you're
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think you would think this, but this is what my brain does, is like, oh, because you're so like, stand up for yourself, that I have this story to tell is like, Ian, what is going, you know, that there would be criticism or that you would think like,
[SPEAKER_01]: Just let me say this word.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not actually a thing, but like, you're like, kind of pathetic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what are you doing?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I was like, I'm not going to share it with the friend who will actually get me together about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And actually maybe make me feel more empath.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you know what I'm like?
[SPEAKER_03]: It's that level of like, like the, I don't know, you and your head more.
[SPEAKER_01]: a little bit, yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because sometimes what you give advice to what you say can be a little like, well it's just like this bit of a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm like, oh, I didn't want abrasiveness, but then I was like, no, I'm going to share how I feel about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then blah, blah, blah, blah.
[SPEAKER_03]: But that's why I also said, like, I'm sorry that happened to you.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you guys are doing.
[SPEAKER_03]: No, because, you know, obviously I could be like, pick yourself up, bitch, how dare you wait for some man outside, debt it up?
[SPEAKER_03]: But then I put myself in your shoes and I think that sucks.
[SPEAKER_03]: Whether you were waiting outside for however long, whether you set you a bunch of text message saying, calm, calm, calm, calm.
[SPEAKER_03]: He said, calm, period.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know this man.
[SPEAKER_03]: And ultimately, none of it matters what matters is that your feelings were hurt.
[SPEAKER_03]: And to acknowledge that is the first step, the most important step.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the, like, you know,
[SPEAKER_03]: You're a bad bitch, don't you?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like all that comes later.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: But that is really born out of me.
[SPEAKER_03]: When I, the reason why I am that friend to you is because I know where you go in your, in your head.
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't know me.
[SPEAKER_03]: I, I don't like to cuddle people unfortunately because I don't cuddle myself.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's my own issue.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I'm the one that's like, you have twenty four hours to cry about this and then you are moving on.
[SPEAKER_03]: And my therapist is always like, well, why only twenty four hours?
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, well, because I'm, because we move on.
[SPEAKER_03]: And he's like, but you're not really moving on, because it's still with you.
[SPEAKER_03]: You're just powering through it.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I've been trying to soften my approach, you know, to just admit the thing, like, hey, this sucks period.
[SPEAKER_03]: regardless of anything else.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, but I appreciate you sharing that feedback because it always to me comes from a place of like, you're, get up girl.
[SPEAKER_03]: We got this and then you have Joey who's like, hey, you know, it's probably a misunderstanding and that is what's so wonderful about.
[SPEAKER_03]: friendships that you have a community to support you in the ways in which they can.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and they bring to you there and they're there, the context of their coconut.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, and sometimes, you know, I, I get lost in what I was feeling and I wrote it all down and it was really helpful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when I was at the show and I was
[SPEAKER_01]: I was pretty it's interesting how you're brain as you start to write like I'm feeling this instead of like the stream of consciousness gets you to one simple truth at the end I can't remember what it is because it's on my phone but that was also really helpful and I was like oh I did that for me like I knew something was popping up like internally so like no one's gonna be able to help sus that out
[SPEAKER_01]: except for you and it was really really helpful and it didn't really stay with me past like how we're talking about it because to me it's not like it's weighing on me to me it's like I like to talk about this and I and it feels like my story sharing and sometimes I get nervous about
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just know is helpful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like in and talking about it, help just only helps me understand more a thing I learned or the misstep in the way that I share my life and is why I'm scared to share some of my life online or talk about is because
[SPEAKER_01]: It's vulnerable, you know, to be like, this is what really happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though I love talking about it because of the way, let's get to the, let's get the insights.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm talking about?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, so there's.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, if you were just the person that's like, I'm in my prime right now.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've never looked as good and you didn't also
[SPEAKER_03]: Kathy off that with, oh, and then I got rejected.
[SPEAKER_03]: The reason we love characters like Carrie Bradshaw and Charlotte York and Miranda are because we see their power and then we see their vulnerability at the same time.
[SPEAKER_03]: And we see ourselves in that because we're all a mirror of each other.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like when you're telling this story, I'm thinking about a time where I've been rejected maybe not in the same way, but in a way that felt disrespectful to my core in order to mean, and what did I tell myself and how did I feel?
[SPEAKER_03]: This is also probably why I'm so adamant to say, do not reply to that person because I had been the person that's like, no, I totally understand.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I felt like I gave a piece of my power because I was like, I actually don't feel that way.
[SPEAKER_03]: Why did I say that?
[SPEAKER_03]: Why did I say, oh, it's okay.
[SPEAKER_03]: No worries.
[SPEAKER_03]: No worries if not.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, yes worries if not, bitch.
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, full of worries actually Yeah, you should be and that's how I've like put that worry on him like how you're gonna give me to sixty five dollars in a state Yeah, and I'll tell you a don't even a decade a few years ago If you had asked me if you should ever see him again Well How's the right?
[SPEAKER_04]: Right and follow my thought I would have thought that but you know nowadays it's like I don't
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's just so much big.
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so much thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, there's so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I noticed is like, Oh, like, I, I described so much weight to him, but also because I think it hurt, you know, like in the moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're like, Oh, like, it's so, but maybe I met someone on Saturday at the day party at my friend's house down the street.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I joked about this with John and Joey because like, you know, there's an awkwardly carry thing that I did that I do my bits of like I'm dying, Keaton, I'm golden-hawn and I'm Sarah Jessica, most of the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: And for the first time in a long time, I'm like this with my friends, but with a boy, I was having a conversation with someone and I was talking just as Ian.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't, I wasn't like looking at his eyes to see if.
[SPEAKER_01]: But there was no testing, there was no performance.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just like, oh, so like, what do you like to do?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but me, but we just had this like very casual conversation.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I walked away and I was like, oh, that was so nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like he's so cute.
[SPEAKER_01]: I like how he's dressed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like all the things.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I went back to chatting with my friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I knew I had to leave in like, twenty minutes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I like turned around and I saw him there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna give him my phone.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I gave him my phone.
[SPEAKER_01]: I tapped him and he turned around and he like grabbed it.
[SPEAKER_01]: his group stops and is like watching the whole moment he takes the phone his putting his phone number and I come back and I'm like I'm just gonna let him do that Rob looks at me with like side I like oh you did that I'm like yeah and there's this person that like I met and I'm fine you know what I mean and like we're gonna have where we we're chatting and incidentally yeah you're just like you move on and you you know the the not happening with the Chicago boy and like with what happened with the being stood up thing like
[SPEAKER_01]: I am not closing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm staying open.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, and I if anything.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, he's coming out.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't give Johnny necessarily a note, but I was I was I was giving him like a like Johnny.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really like when you like you know show us your silliness and your musical like musical through knowledge because it's like if they'll find you know anyway, but yes, I did watch that man right on my head and what what I think is good is the more you stay open and the more at bats to quote Juan.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like with Mike and Chicago who I like adore and you know, it's not happening any in right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I trained I trained myself to see what that felt like so I know what it feels like because now I do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm that person now.
[SPEAKER_01]: I I I I trusted this boy Juan also as what is name you know and like there was this little break but like I came to this party and it didn't stop me from like
[SPEAKER_01]: meeting someone new anyway but yeah I am so sorry you guys we lost Johnny you're just some technical difficulties yes but he's probably just doing his puzzle and we love him and we do and I'm so happy that like
[SPEAKER_01]: we had this conversation, I think it was like very nutritious for me.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh yes, at the race, let's just return to form, return to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was lovely.
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope this was as nutritious and good of a listen for you guys, the milkers, as always it means the world that we get to come here and share our lives in this very intimate way with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we don't take that for granted.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we will we'll see you on the next one next time.
[SPEAKER_04]: I think we have to do that modern love We had an episode of modern love that from the New York Times that we just found totally titillating.
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh absolutely loneliness and men and ghosting it kind of is a perfect way to continue this conversation the at-bats of it all the at-bats.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I why laughing?
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's just right.
[SPEAKER_04]: I just love that metaphor.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that metaphor or the feature, not a glitch.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like so many things you've said, so many funnels.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you very much.
[SPEAKER_04]: I love you all.
[SPEAKER_04]: We love you all.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you.
[SPEAKER_01]: We love you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And happy pride.