[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, what's going on?
[SPEAKER_00]: You are listening to the Brown Girl Self Care podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: My name is Bri and I'm the host of the show, as well as the founder of Brown Girl Self Care.
[SPEAKER_00]: Brown Girl Self Care is a platform and space of intentional healing, joy, rest, and abundance for black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: Today's episode, we are going to be talking about the fact that the year is winding down.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are closing the chapter, closing a chapter.
[SPEAKER_00]: 25, and this is the perfect time to ground yourself or root yourself in this process of shedding, or like a spiritual shedding, so I'm going to be talking about that in this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: But first, I want to let you know two things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Number one, on December 17th,
[SPEAKER_00]: Does that write December 17th?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am going to be in community with the brown girl self care community for those of you who want to take this conversation further that we're going to be discussing today.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to just have a Zoom session and being community with each other talking about what 2025 taught us, like what did 2025 kind of like teach us about ourselves about what we're trying to navigate, et cetera.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so doing this with
[SPEAKER_00]: or trying to foster the sense of community because when we are in community with each other, your life can change.
[SPEAKER_00]: Listening to other black women share just even sitting in a space with other black women where you don't have to mask, pretend, you know, fake who you are or your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, how you feel.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is the type of safe and nurturing environment that every black woman deserves to have.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I am offering this space for free.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, all you do is show up, bring a journal, bring an open mind, be ready to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just share.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I will drop the link in today's show notes if you would like to join me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, it's December 17 on Zoom.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you don't have to go anywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just come as you are.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: The second thing that I was going to say is that girl pyramid pause is kicking my bouquet.
[SPEAKER_00]: It has been rough over here, so if my the things I'm trying to say or communicate don't come out as succinctly as you know I would like for them to just charge to that because girl I'm tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am so tired, and I'll just leave it at that because I don't want to make that the point of this episode, but if you are in a similar place where you are navigating pyramid of laws, you know exactly what I am talking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am...
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's go ahead and dive into today's episode because again, as I mentioned earlier, the top of the show.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, you and I know that 2025 is coming to a close.
[SPEAKER_00]: First of all, thank you, God.
[SPEAKER_00]: for allowing us to be here, to experience this full closing of a year.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that we're a few weeks out, but God willing, we'll all still be here.
[SPEAKER_00]: December 31st, 2025.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, as well as January 1st, 2026, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, this is like,
[SPEAKER_00]: And all the end of the year is a time, like specifically this time of year is a time to push, to be more, to do all the things, to try to wrap up all the things that we maybe didn't necessarily have a chance to do, or didn't have the energy to do, or just plain didn't want to do it during 2025,
[SPEAKER_00]: winter, this season, into the year, it is the perfect time to just align ourselves with basically what nature has taught us, and that is to use this time as much as possible, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: But to use this time to get grounded, to slow all the way down, to settle into, to release, to shed, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that is what this episode's about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, you know, I want to explore, like, how to...
[SPEAKER_00]: let go of, I guess maybe let's just say like some of the masks that you and I, we both wore all year and step into 2026 again, just rooted in ourselves, our truth, who we are, who we, who like at our inner core,
[SPEAKER_00]: who we are that makes us valuable and worthy and beautiful, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So this episode's going to be about just shedding.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about shedding, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I feel like when we allow ourselves shed and not from a place of like trying to be or do all the things and be all the things,
[SPEAKER_00]: It really gives us an opportunity to tap into restoration and reclaiming who we are and refilling our cubs in recovery.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So the first thing that I would say,
[SPEAKER_00]: as we wrap up 2025 is that one of the masks that I have worn and I know that some of you have as well because you tell me, you know, maybe not in these exact words, which you tell me, that
[SPEAKER_00]: the mask that you have been wearing all pretty much all your life if not just 2025 is that you you shrink yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't allow yourself to tap into the parts of you
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, just just the way that you naturally are you with when you're not under like the white gaze or even the male gaze or you're not trying to play the respectability game, which we all have played at one point or another in our lives, usually out of necessity.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, some of us, we have held ourselves back.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've held ourselves down because we don't want to be judged.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't want to let people down.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't want to rock the boat.
[SPEAKER_00]: We know that we live in a world that has certain expectations of black women, of black people, of women,
[SPEAKER_00]: and so we internalize these messages and it really affects who we are, it affects who we are, how we think, the actions that we take, the things that we do, we just shrink ourselves in a
[SPEAKER_00]: The world has told us, this is the only way that you are quote unquote safe as a black woman to be, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So we internalize these messages that tell us,
[SPEAKER_00]: how we need to dress, how we need to speak.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we, are we, do we have to have a smile on our faces?
[SPEAKER_00]: How you choose to wear your hair?
[SPEAKER_00]: How productive you are.
[SPEAKER_00]: How, you know, like all these things that these expectations have been thrust upon us, every time we take on someone else's expectation of us,
[SPEAKER_00]: uh it does something to the spirit.
[SPEAKER_00]: It does something to the spirit.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you've been questioning why you don't feel as worthy, I would love it if you were flagged back on 2025 and just think about ways that you may have shrunk yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe not really
[SPEAKER_00]: tapped into or walked into that full version of you that may be loud or bold or quirky or dresses a certain way or says certain things or have certain thoughts, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Just another thing, in other words, the things that make you you that may be outside of the quote unquote norms of what is expected for a black person, a woman, a black woman, which we are
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, so to me, this is a it's a a way of thinking of how you can decolonize your yourself worth and, you know, recognizing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: this way of being this this outline this these rules okay these rules that have been laid out for us to be a quote unquote good woman or a good partner or a good mom
[SPEAKER_00]: or a professional woman in your job and your career or obviously we always got to be the strong black woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: We always got to be the strong black woman, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: These rules and laws, they were not created with your best in mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were not created with your better good in mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were not created with your joy in mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were not created with your authentic self,
[SPEAKER_00]: leading the way in mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it was not these these rules, these blue print, this frame where they were not created for you, for your spirit to thrive.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that that's not what it was.
[SPEAKER_00]: This was just a way to control the narrative or control, you know, how we moved.
[SPEAKER_00]: in society.
[SPEAKER_00]: So they set the standard for what was acceptable.
[SPEAKER_00]: And even though times have definitely changed and we see change happening every single day, it's not that the, a lot of us are still running on that programming because that programming is so very deep.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you just woke up one day and you just had this idea, oh, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to fall in line and be a good quote, I have to make sure I say quote unquote, all right, but a quote unquote, good black woman and, you know, all these things, these things go back for decades, for centuries, all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's not, it's not that you just one day woke up and you had this thought to do certain things, certain way, this goes back generation,
[SPEAKER_00]: for decades, for centuries, all right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So as you're thinking back on your 2025, ask yourself, like, what did I wear like this mask of shrinking myself in 2025?
[SPEAKER_00]: I can almost guarantee you that the answer will be yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you want to ask yourself, like, in what ways?
[SPEAKER_00]: How did you shrink yourself?
[SPEAKER_00]: How did the mask, how did the mask in this sense of like lessening your this idea of yourself worth through the lens of,
[SPEAKER_00]: uh... the white gays or even like i said the male gaze uh... like what did that look like when did you say yes to something where it was really like a no when did you speak a certain way when inside you're like oh i hate doing this when did you wear your hair a certain way when inside you was like i this is just not me or like
[SPEAKER_00]: your productivity, how productive were you, and what things were you doing, even though inside you're like, I'm tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to do this, I'm exhausted, this is dumb, this is not what I want to do, I feel empty inside, following these rules and regulations, you know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, just kind of like, think back on that, all right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Think back on that, and again, this year or this year, this month, 2025, December of 2025, is the perfect time to be doing this kind of like a,
[SPEAKER_00]: releasing or a shedding kind of a purge if you will, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because again, these these ideals that you have, these are not things that you just magically came across.
[SPEAKER_00]: These behaviors are ingrained.
[SPEAKER_00]: These beliefs are ingrained.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you are shrinking, or if you found yourself shrinking in 2025, I truly believe that this is one of the reasons why, just
[SPEAKER_00]: in a desire of who you want to be last.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times we do this for a survival, but we have to remember that these things don't necessarily serve us any longer.
[SPEAKER_00]: If we are determined to live from a place of more liberation, all right?
[SPEAKER_00]: exists from a place of being our true self, exists from a place of being our whole self, versus I guess falling in line or or believing that these external expectations are the right way.
[SPEAKER_00]: and the only way for us to live our lives, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so that's the first thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: The second thing that I would say is so now that you have determined, kind of like what masks you might have worn in 2025 or how you are showing up in ways that you really just did not want to show up and now you're like, okay, I've created some space
[SPEAKER_00]: to release that or put that mask down or and self-awareness plays a big part in this.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've talked about self-awareness on the podcast before, but self-awareness is everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of us, we can't even get to a place of self-awareness because it just feels so uncomfortable or feel so hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that for me, and there's a variety of reasons for that for me, one of the reasons why self-awareness was hard in the past was I,
[SPEAKER_00]: I had just gotten comfortable being in a place where if I didn't have the self-awareness, I could continue to have certain beliefs about myself in life and my family and just kind of like ignore the real reality of why I was doing some of the things that I was doing, why I had some of the thoughts that I had, why I had certain habits and practices
[SPEAKER_00]: and routines that I had.
[SPEAKER_00]: So once I really got to a place, a plus it was, it's sometimes self-awareness can be very, very scary.
[SPEAKER_00]: It can be hard and it can be scary.
[SPEAKER_00]: It can be liberating too, but it can sometimes be very hard and very scary.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, having a sense of self-awareness not from a place of judging yourself, being hard and yourself, putting yourself down,
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about that kind of self-awareness where you are harshly criticizing yourself, where you're putting yourself down, making yourself the bad guy, the enemy, we can't afford to be our own enemies.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that some of us have been our own worst enemies for a very long time, a very long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is not a way to root yourself, enjoy, in liberation, and wholeness, and wellness.
[SPEAKER_00]: But having the ability to bring more self-awareness,
[SPEAKER_00]: into your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: It can be a game changer, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, now that you have or as you're doing this, you've created some space to kind of like start shedding some of the masks that you might have won in 2025 after you've done some reflection and things like that, you may feel like, well, okay, now I've done this, I've done this self-awareness, I've started doing some healing work,
[SPEAKER_00]: I've shed some of the masks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm taking that more space or I'm ready to take up more space.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to, like whatever your things are, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: You can fill these in with any words, but I'm ready to live more boldly or walk in my truth.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to preserve my peace.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to be my authentic self.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like whatever the case may be for you, all right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, there is space for you to,
[SPEAKER_00]: Reclaim a part of yourself and reclaim some joy, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a space for you to, I guess return to your roots, return to who you truly are inside.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of us don't even know who we really are inside.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of us really don't even know like for a very long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's still something that I'm like, who am I?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, some of us, we really, we don't even know who we really are like our inner self because we've been told who we are.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been told to do things a certain way.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been told and we learn to mask so quickly.
[SPEAKER_00]: We learn to mask so quickly and to stuff down our feelings, to stuff down who we really are, to stuff down our joy, our peace, our sense of self.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mentioned on several podcasts episodes that were a very long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I, you know, I will self abandon.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have like a sense of self-trust.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was disconnected from myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was disconnected from my power, disconnected from my joy, disconnected from who I truly am or I guess technically who I truly was.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have a sense of like a positive sense of self.
[SPEAKER_00]: So as you're starting to shed, you know, this, this or these masks for, you know, for lack of a better terms and over and over again, but as you start to shed, you know, you have to figure out what am I going to replace it with what am I going to replace it with, you know, in other words, how are you going to get back.
[SPEAKER_00]: to the real you.
[SPEAKER_00]: How are you going to get back to the core of who you really are?
[SPEAKER_00]: And that can be like self discovery can really be a special place.
[SPEAKER_00]: And these systems of power, I don't know if you know this or not, but these systems of power are they thrive.
[SPEAKER_00]: when we are disconnected, these systems thrive, these systems of oppression, they thrive when we don't recognize, we have a voice, these systems of oppression thrive when we don't recognize that it is okay for us to do things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: These systems of oppression thrive
[SPEAKER_00]: are not dialed in to who we really are at our core, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: The systems of oppression thrive when we are not rooted in culture and community when we don't know our history.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's something that in 2026, by the way, I really want to take a step further for me because there's so much of our just overall history that there's so much that I still
[SPEAKER_00]: want and need to learn and it actually can be overwhelming for me because there's just so many things.
[SPEAKER_00]: that it's easy for me to just be like, well, there's just a lot of stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm gonna shut down for me over well, I mean shut down, because there's just so much for me to learn that I wanna learn more about our culture, I wanna learn more about our history, I wanna learn more about politics, I wanna learn more about liberation.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of stuff that I wanna learn.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that actually is a part of me tapping into who I am.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just have to do it carefully.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because as you start to understand who you are, it can be very easy for you to kind of go overboard, like if a part of who you are is, let's say a part of who you are is a reader.
[SPEAKER_00]: And let's say the system stripped that from you because you don't have time to read.
[SPEAKER_00]: You aren't taking time to read.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are doing all the things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're people pleasing, or I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: You weren't able to set boundaries.
[SPEAKER_00]: So all the free time you had went to other things, that kind of thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: But inside at your core, you were a reader.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you were reading, you remember reading when you were like five years old or 10 years old and you had all the books.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you had all the time to read.
[SPEAKER_00]: But over time, it just lessened.
[SPEAKER_00]: It got less and less and less.
[SPEAKER_00]: feel good to tap into that part of you where you're like, okay, every Sunday, I'm going to spend three hours reading, I'm going to have a glass wine, I'm going to get overwhelming, at least for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I have to be careful is not done this before.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you looked at my audible right now, you would probably shake your head like says, what's what's going on here?
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go in on here because there are books I haven't even how audible has like the little deals would be like 99 cents for this book or whatever I have books upon books I haven't even had the opportunity to read yet because I just my love of reading
[SPEAKER_00]: causes me, or oh, no, I won't say that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, my love of learning and having access to information can sometimes cause me to go into overwhelm where I just buy all the books, or I try to read all the things, or I try to learn all the things at one time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like a systemized approach.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it can be overwhelming.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if that's you, as you are reconnecting with your inner,
[SPEAKER_00]: try not to allow it to overwhelm you because sometimes we feel like we have to make up for last time and you're like oh I gotta do all the things now I've lost that on five years let me go and take all the classes read all the books take all the you know what I'm saying watch all the shows or whatever it is that you know it makes you you but you don't have to do that says you can take a gentle approach to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: something that makes more sense.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're not overwhelming your nervous system because there are many ways to overwhelm your nervous system, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And we don't want to do that as we're shedding because that's just putting this back in that cycle of masking, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you feel like you have something to prove, you gotta be productive.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to know all the things that you can be the smartest person in the room.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let it out.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's a gentle way to incorporate
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the things that you love as you continue tapping into, who you truly are at your core, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So ways to do that, ways to kind of like, I don't want to say, fill the space as in once you release your empty, cause you're never gonna be empty.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who you are is who you are, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you want to reconnect with your inner self, some ways to do that could be just again,
[SPEAKER_00]: with the culture, learning more about our ancestors, doing some ancestral research, learning more about traditions.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's something that I definitely want to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: As well, I want to do all the things, what else, allowing yourself to be creative, maybe picking up something that you haven't done in years, you know how you think back and like,
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to love doing XYZ and I don't know why I stopped.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever said that before?
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that I have.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like just kind of like remembering, getting yourself to a place of remembrance of the things that you still light you up and make you happy or make you feel joyful or just make you feel good, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's getting back into a hobby you used to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember that I picked up skating,
[SPEAKER_00]: This was like four or five years ago, child.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do it now because I'm in my 50s.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't want to fall and break something.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would love to be able to skate.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it's safe for me to do so.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that would definitely be something and outlet that if I were a little bit younger, I would try to...
[SPEAKER_00]: get back into it because I feel like at my core I was someone who really loved to skate when I was a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, I know that there are people that are in their 50s that are skating but I don't know if it's safe for me because I'm not the I'm not the least clumsy person on the planet.
[SPEAKER_00]: Spin time in nature is a way to connect and figure out who you are and what you want.
[SPEAKER_00]: Girl simply taking time to breathe.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's another way to connect with yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, obviously taking time for rest and relaxation and and joy and that kind of thing, these are all things and these are not the only ways, but these are some things you can do to again, I guess, feel the space, even though again, you're never going to be empty, but feel filled that gap if you will.
[SPEAKER_00]: As you start to shed some of these parts of you that were not you because all of these things believe it or not even though they're not necessarily connected I guess these are all things that are going to help bring some clarity and some peace into your life doesn't matter what you do.
[SPEAKER_00]: But as you do it I promise you that these things are going to start to bring some clarity because when you connect with things that are innately you.
[SPEAKER_00]: the clarity starts to come as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: The piece starts to come as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: The joy starts to come as well, all right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would say that just taking some time to tap in.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, get still, what is your inner self saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: What does she miss doing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Who does she, what does she wanna do?
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing is off the table.
[SPEAKER_00]: If something lights you up, it lights you up.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to take anything off the table.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be practical as you're thinking through these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to say, I could never do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even though I did say that about the skating, I just cannot,
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't bring myself to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just can't bring myself to do it, but other things, sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: But realistically speaking, nothing is off the table.
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing is too crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing is too above me.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing is too.
[SPEAKER_00]: All that's so silly.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's so corny.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's so this.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all.
[SPEAKER_00]: That take those labels off.
[SPEAKER_00]: Take the labels off, take the barriers off.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, you just want to figure out what things when you think about doing them, bring a sense of peace, or you're like, oh man, I would love to try that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not like you have to stick with these things as you move forward.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the fact that you are willing to be open to try them, all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just being open to try them.
[SPEAKER_00]: These, there's gonna be some things out there that are really going to nourish,
[SPEAKER_00]: your inner self, but you can't get to that place of nourishment until you try some things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Old things, new things, things you've forgotten about, things you've never heard of.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's okay to explore and and do that to understand really who you are and what really feels.
[SPEAKER_00]: like you okay so start doing these things now if you can not from a place of productivity okay not from a place of hustle but it's just that you know it might take a little time to figure out what these things are but once you get going you know
[SPEAKER_00]: you're gonna be planning some beautiful seats and I promise you that they'll see that you start planning.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're gonna come to fruition.
[SPEAKER_00]: If not 26 at some point, you know, you can't rush the bloom, you know, you can't rush the journey or rush the past, but you've gotta start somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so as you're releasing, think of some things that you can, I guess, reclaim or just,
[SPEAKER_00]: what am I trying to say?
[SPEAKER_00]: To reclaim or I guess treat as a part of your treat as your own.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the last thing is just thinking about how you can I guess bring it all together but not just for December.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about moving into 26, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: How can you integrate the
[SPEAKER_00]: the bloom, how can you integrate, taking off the mask, how can you integrate, finding joy or being rooted in your authentic self.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, not just for December, the things that we are talking about, these are not transactional things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your life is not transactional.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are not a transactional being, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So these things that you wanna be thinking about, the things or these things that you are doing, even though how you do them, I guess, maybe,
[SPEAKER_00]: quote unquote transactional but it's it's not actually the thing it's what you get from the thing if that makes sense and that's never transactional being able to liberate yourself that's not transactional steeping yourself enjoy that's not transactional of the understanding who you are when you're in a place of being that is not that's not like a transactional kind of thing right so you're
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to have to as you're going through this process as with anything, you know, you're going to have to figure out some boundaries, because as you release, you know, it's going to be so easy for your mind, your body like to be like to go on a panic Monday like, oh, my God, I can't believe you're doing this.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're going to have to have some boundaries around these things as well as.
[SPEAKER_00]: Allow yourself to be brave, even if these parts of your who you are trying to become feel a little scary or feel different or feeling new because new can be uncomfortable.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you might have to be a little brave as you navigate this part of your journey, right, but all of this is adding up to you living from a place of
[SPEAKER_00]: honoring your authentic self, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So honoring your authentic self means like making choices that honor your inner self or your innate self, even if other people don't like it, even if other people question, well, why are you doing that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or why are you doing that way, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or why do you think this is okay or how dare you change of you used to be this way now you're doing things like this you know what I mean everybody's not going to be agreeable everyone's not going to understand everyone's not going to be okay with whatever things you start to shed and release all right but if you look at keep the bigger picture in mind that as you release you're able to grow more into who you really are.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, keeping that as your why, keeping that as your, your GPS, you know, that that is one of the ways that you get closer to just living more fully.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you think about boundaries and making choices, yes, it may mean you have to when I say release things that also includes people.
[SPEAKER_00]: You might have to pull a little gap or a little bit of space between you and people that just want to keep you in the same place.
[SPEAKER_00]: They met you in five years ago, 10 years ago, 30 years ago, and they don't want to see you change at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to see you change, and they are fighting it tooth and now and they don't have.
[SPEAKER_00]: the capacity to see that you are doing your best to bloom.
[SPEAKER_00]: You may have to create a little space there as you start to implement, implement, excuse me, this path or to integrate some of this stuff, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: It also means you're gonna have to give yourself permission to be brave, you're gonna have to give yourself permission to change things up, you're gonna have to give yourself permission
[SPEAKER_00]: to try and to make mistakes and to be confused sometimes and have complete clarity other times and to evolve and have some bumps along the way and some hiccups along the way and hit some peaks and hit some valleys and to prioritize your piece above all else.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a major one.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you have to allow yourself the space to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You gotta have to have some boundaries as you start to shed some of this stuff that no longer serves you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And to make some hard, sometimes not all the choices will be hard, but there likely will be some hard choices along the way, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because again, or not again, but as you shed, you are,
[SPEAKER_00]: releasing parts of you that no longer serve you, but you're releasing parts of you that people have become accustomed to or that people expect you to be or to do so yeah it can it can be tough right.
[SPEAKER_00]: But now is the perfect time to start thinking about these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, we're in the month of December.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's as of this recording, maybe like 20, 20, two days left in this calendar year of 2025.
[SPEAKER_00]: And things are starting to slow down.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've had Black Friday.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've had
[SPEAKER_00]: What else do we have?
[SPEAKER_00]: Gosh, we have Black Friday.
[SPEAKER_00]: We had Cyber Monday.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that Christmas is not quite here yet and I know that many of us are out there shopping and you know trying to make things nice for the holidays and you're taking your yearly annual pictures and buying gifts or you know doing those type of things, getting the meal plan ready and maybe you're traveling and things like
[SPEAKER_00]: But I want to encourage you to, as you are going through this hustling bustle of the holidays, don't forget yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's so easy for us to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget yourself, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Take some time this month, just like I said in the last, I think the last episode I was talking about making time, like your spirit said, go sit down somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is kind of like a continuation of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you've got to take some time for yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have got to take some time.
[SPEAKER_00]: to be still.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have got to take some times to reflect.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have got to take some time to rest.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're a body, rest your mind, rest your spirit.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what winter is for.
[SPEAKER_00]: And though there are some things in winter that are still out there growing and using a lot of energy and stuff like that, like I just found out something
[SPEAKER_00]: Brown or the leaves don't shed is because like the evergreen trees, they do.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's some process that the evergreen tree has where it.
[SPEAKER_00]: What does it do?
[SPEAKER_00]: It like closes down.
[SPEAKER_00]: What did it do?
[SPEAKER_00]: No, this is something I read up on like maybe two weeks ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going for memory here, but the evergreen trees stays evergreen in the winter time because it shuts down some biological part of itself to where it no longer
[SPEAKER_00]: needs a bunch of like energy or resources or something like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when it does that that's how the like it's not using a lot of energy to maintain.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's how or that's why the leaves stay green whereas other trees you know maybe I don't know oak trees and what other kind of trees are there I don't know, but you know the fall trees they release the leaves because they are trying to preserve their energy so the leaves they just got to go.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my understanding of it, but, you know, a lot of stuff in the winter, it does go dormant or into a slower mode or into cozy mode or into hibernation mode or whatever you want to call it, but this is the perfect time to align yourself with the the overall mood of the season which is winter, which is what December and January
[SPEAKER_00]: and a part of February before spring starts popping off.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a perfect time to get quiet in these weeks of winter.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's not just about ending the year 2025 with a bang, which is great, but this is you making time, or taking space to determine what your 2026 can be like
[SPEAKER_00]: as your authentic self, as your whole self, as your more healed self, as your happier self, as your more clear self, okay, that innate inner self, being able to walk that thing out in 2026, that's a beautiful thing, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, you are deciding right now, kind of like,
[SPEAKER_00]: You're also tapping into a future self when you take this time that you and I aren't talking about you're tapping into future self, you know, and that's a beautiful thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I think that's all that I had.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me see.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's all that I had.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, keeping that in mind, just being able to release and step into yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a beautiful thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a part of healing.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a part of self care.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a part of blooming.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a part of our journey of reclaiming just who you are, without, what am I trying to say?
[SPEAKER_00]: Reclaiming who you are outside of society's limbs or society's expectations of who you should be as a black woman, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is an ongoing process.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not something that will magically just, you'll have all the answers overnight kind of thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: journey and we have to take it step by step and allow things to unfold, allow ourselves to unfold, allow ourselves to learn and explore and uncover and thrive and win and make mistakes and you know that kind of thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know this is a process that you're going on where you're
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to say fake as in like a, because I don't want to give a negative sense, but just the, I'm going to use a word fake, but this is an opportunity to unlearn the fake you and the fake habits that you may have been carrying around for years out of survival and to really come into your own and learn who you really are, all right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So as we wrap up this episode, you know, I want to remind you that,
[SPEAKER_00]: The most or one of the most liberating things that you can do for yourself, for us as black women collectively, so like for our community, for our elders, for our ancestors, for our spirits is to be your whole self, you being authentically you, that is like the best thing or one of the best things that you can actually do right, just living and rooted in that.
[SPEAKER_00]: liberated, joyful, self-trusting, confident, worthy, loving, rooted version of yourself, one that doesn't shrink, one that is not afraid to be herself and not afraid to be bold, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a beautiful thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we all get to that place, keep in mind that our power is individual and it's also collective.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when we are able to get to that place, it really changes the game for ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: and for, you know, collectively other black women, all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, that's it for this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I again want to remind you about the soul care circle that I am hosting on Zoom.
[SPEAKER_00]: It will be on December 17th.
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe the time, look at me, I'm just stumbling, I told y'all, I'm tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm surprised I was able to get
[SPEAKER_00]: through this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, it's December 17th.
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe it's at 7 p.m. Central time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It'll be on the link though.
[SPEAKER_00]: So don't go by what I'm saying because I can have the time totally wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we're gonna be diving more into this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're gonna be doing it in a safe space.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if that's your jam, we'll either come hang out with me all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we can make this a way to in 2025
[SPEAKER_00]: rooted note.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So girl, that's it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl self-care.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, Brown Girl's self-care podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me go ahead and get off this microphone because your girl is tired.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have a blessed week and I can't wait to talk to you in the next episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye.