WEBVTT 00:00.031 --> 00:03.856 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the Jockel Underground podcast number 194 sitting here with echo trials. 00:03.916 --> 00:14.510 [SPEAKER_00]: We have received some questions from the UG troopers and we have some answers, some guidance, some recommendations, on courses of action for you all. 00:15.191 --> 00:15.812 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get into it. 00:16.273 --> 00:16.894 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 00:18.456 --> 00:18.656 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 00:18.676 --> 00:20.078 [SPEAKER_00]: As we close out the year 2025. 00:20.198 --> 00:22.461 [SPEAKER_00]: New year's coming to a close. 00:23.318 --> 00:26.164 [SPEAKER_01]: Having courses of action is better than not having courses. 00:26.185 --> 00:27.969 [SPEAKER_00]: Definitely, definitely, for sure. 00:28.430 --> 00:28.971 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get into it. 00:29.432 --> 00:31.216 [SPEAKER_01]: All right, first question, Chuck Wackel. 00:31.416 --> 00:39.555 [SPEAKER_01]: Recently, I've been under a huge lot of financial stress and custody battle with having equal rates for my son, et cetera. 00:39.535 --> 00:42.600 [SPEAKER_01]: In light of all this stress, doctors put me on meds again. 00:43.021 --> 00:55.502 [SPEAKER_01]: The main issue is, I don't know if it's a result of the stress, but I've been getting really bad OCD, like compulsions questioning my partner about her past, asking when, where and who she slept with. 00:57.980 --> 01:02.428 [SPEAKER_01]: I'd need to know if I knew them, and I'm constantly digging for answers. 01:02.609 --> 01:04.733 [SPEAKER_01]: We were blended family, she has two kids, and I have one. 01:05.434 --> 01:09.883 [SPEAKER_01]: But I fear these compulsive tendencies of mine will ruin what we have built. 01:09.903 --> 01:11.726 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like this is riding my brain. 01:12.528 --> 01:18.098 [SPEAKER_01]: Any advice on what kind of mindset or things a man slash leader you would do in my situation? 01:19.090 --> 01:20.392 [SPEAKER_01]: I really appreciate the work you guys do. 01:20.492 --> 01:24.157 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a daily listener, and I've got my blue belt and your jits do this year. 01:24.177 --> 01:26.401 [SPEAKER_01]: So thanks. 01:27.522 --> 01:27.923 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man. 01:30.747 --> 01:31.929 [SPEAKER_00]: I would start off just by saying this. 01:31.949 --> 01:35.234 [SPEAKER_00]: To do you do not want to be living in the past, bro. 01:35.254 --> 01:36.475 [SPEAKER_00]: You do not want to be living in the past. 01:36.495 --> 01:38.278 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't change what happened in the past. 01:38.298 --> 01:39.760 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't fix what happened in the past. 01:40.201 --> 01:41.623 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't really matter what happened in the past. 01:41.643 --> 01:43.185 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like where are you now? 01:43.225 --> 01:44.307 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what matters. 01:45.429 --> 01:47.832 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what matters with where you're. 01:47.812 --> 01:49.353 [SPEAKER_00]: Partner is now, right? 01:51.335 --> 01:52.576 [SPEAKER_00]: These are what's important. 01:53.197 --> 02:16.317 [SPEAKER_00]: Now and the future is what's important and that's what you need to Focus on Focus on being an awesome Man, right that means being an awesome dad that means being an awesome worker Whatever your job is that means being awesome at your jitsu is awesome as you can possibly be that means being an awesome Partner with your partner 02:16.297 --> 02:31.720 [SPEAKER_00]: So, let's focus on being on awesome on those things today, getting a little bit better every day, at these things, because dwelling in the past, it doesn't give you anything, doesn't do anything beneficial for you. 02:32.641 --> 02:33.182 [SPEAKER_00]: It gives you nothing. 02:33.803 --> 02:41.494 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I can't really say it gives you nothing, because what it does give you is like heartache, paranoia, and stress. 02:42.942 --> 02:56.412 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think probably, or if I was to have to guess and I'm not a psychologist, but as echo trolls likes to say, it seems like some things are a little out of your control right now. 02:57.674 --> 03:00.438 [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning you're in a custody battle like the court. 03:00.538 --> 03:01.859 [SPEAKER_00]: The court does what the court does. 03:01.919 --> 03:23.327 [SPEAKER_00]: It's very hard to control it They're gonna make decisions that they're gonna make you the financial like you can only make so much money So there seems like there's things that are Seem more out of control to you right now Again finances lawyers judges custody battles legal decisions like those things are very difficult And you don't feel you feel like you have limited control 03:23.307 --> 03:39.925 [SPEAKER_00]: Over those big things so you're probably like searching for things that are in your world that you can control it You think you control And you think you're getting control of things by focusing on the past But in fact, that's not happening. 03:39.945 --> 03:52.639 [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, what I see happening here is the past is controlling you And we're not doing that and that's not a good game to play that is not a good thing to focus on We live in the present 03:54.087 --> 03:55.409 [SPEAKER_00]: we plan for the future. 03:56.370 --> 03:57.893 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're doing, right? 03:58.814 --> 04:06.045 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, I know I know it's easier said than done, but listen, what is the girl that you're with right now? 04:06.806 --> 04:07.587 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, okay, cool. 04:07.828 --> 04:08.449 [SPEAKER_00]: She's cool right now. 04:08.669 --> 04:08.829 [SPEAKER_00]: Good. 04:10.371 --> 04:11.012 [SPEAKER_00]: You're cool right now? 04:11.253 --> 04:11.473 [SPEAKER_00]: Cool. 04:11.954 --> 04:12.435 [SPEAKER_00]: Get cooler. 04:13.116 --> 04:14.618 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's what we're doing, man. 04:16.000 --> 04:22.069 [SPEAKER_00]: Just dwelling in the past and worried about what things she's been through and who she's been with. 04:22.437 --> 04:29.563 [SPEAKER_00]: But those are questions here, it's totally not pertinent all to your current situation, not pertinent at all. 04:30.584 --> 04:33.907 [SPEAKER_00]: You can make it pertinent by freaking out about it and concentrating on it. 04:34.187 --> 04:35.449 [SPEAKER_00]: And by the way, you know what that is? 04:35.769 --> 04:37.350 [SPEAKER_00]: That's super insecure. 04:38.071 --> 04:39.352 [SPEAKER_00]: And it looks insecure. 04:39.732 --> 04:40.793 [SPEAKER_00]: And it looks desperate. 04:40.813 --> 04:41.434 [SPEAKER_00]: It looks weird. 04:41.494 --> 04:42.295 [SPEAKER_00]: It looks jealous. 04:42.335 --> 04:43.676 [SPEAKER_00]: It looks weak, bro. 04:44.176 --> 04:44.957 [SPEAKER_00]: It looks weak. 04:45.758 --> 04:47.199 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not gonna look weak. 04:47.219 --> 04:48.540 [SPEAKER_00]: Just be like, oh yeah, cool, yeah. 04:48.560 --> 04:49.701 [SPEAKER_00]: You used to date, guys, cool, yeah. 04:49.741 --> 04:51.583 [SPEAKER_00]: You got a couple of kids. 04:51.563 --> 04:53.105 [SPEAKER_00]: She has two kids, yeah, cool, that's awesome. 04:53.405 --> 04:55.929 [SPEAKER_00]: Glad you had some good relationships in the past, had these beautiful kids cool. 04:56.589 --> 04:59.113 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what a man, a confident man does. 04:59.513 --> 05:00.614 [SPEAKER_00]: A confident man's like, oh, cool. 05:01.836 --> 05:03.418 [SPEAKER_00]: That's your ex boyfriend over there, oh, cool. 05:04.139 --> 05:04.620 [SPEAKER_00]: Nice to meet you, man. 05:04.840 --> 05:06.061 [SPEAKER_00]: Cool, good luck. 05:06.081 --> 05:06.922 [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever, no factor. 05:07.563 --> 05:10.647 [SPEAKER_00]: An insecure person is like, who is it? 05:10.827 --> 05:12.369 [SPEAKER_00]: Why did you, huh, what was that like? 05:12.530 --> 05:13.951 [SPEAKER_00]: Wait, that's just insecurity. 05:14.232 --> 05:14.893 [SPEAKER_00]: Just don't look like that. 05:15.914 --> 05:16.795 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be that guy. 05:17.348 --> 05:18.249 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be insecure about it. 05:18.950 --> 05:19.911 [SPEAKER_00]: You got her now. 05:20.471 --> 05:21.713 [SPEAKER_00]: She's your girl, right? 05:22.333 --> 05:23.434 [SPEAKER_00]: You guys are in a relationship now. 05:23.675 --> 05:23.975 [SPEAKER_00]: Awesome. 05:24.776 --> 05:25.476 [SPEAKER_00]: Be stoked on that. 05:26.297 --> 05:26.938 [SPEAKER_00]: Be like, yeah, cool. 05:27.298 --> 05:31.002 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah, you know, I dated some of the girls in my past or it sounds like you got a couple kids too. 05:31.503 --> 05:31.763 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe. 05:32.424 --> 05:32.944 [SPEAKER_00]: So you have one. 05:33.024 --> 05:33.785 [SPEAKER_00]: You have one kid, cool. 05:34.686 --> 05:35.467 [SPEAKER_00]: What did that was that? 05:36.047 --> 05:37.189 [SPEAKER_00]: Where did that kid come from? 05:38.290 --> 05:40.132 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you had a relationship with your human being. 05:40.192 --> 05:41.473 [SPEAKER_00]: She's a human being and that's what it is. 05:42.034 --> 05:44.436 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's just be ultra. 05:44.787 --> 05:52.201 [SPEAKER_00]: Confident and secure that we're a good dude and doesn't really matter who she was with the past cuz you're the man now How's that sound? 05:52.842 --> 05:53.524 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I off base here? 05:53.584 --> 05:53.945 [SPEAKER_00]: I go Charles? 05:54.726 --> 06:04.585 [SPEAKER_00]: No, okay, I do not believe so Right like we don't want to show In security and being desperate and being freaked out about thing in the past you should be confident 06:06.286 --> 06:09.729 [SPEAKER_00]: You, and listen, if you lack confidence, don't show it. 06:10.410 --> 06:10.810 [SPEAKER_00]: How's that? 06:11.731 --> 06:13.693 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I being, uh, what's the word, duplicitous? 06:13.713 --> 06:15.095 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what that is. 06:15.115 --> 06:15.715 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I being dupleted? 06:15.735 --> 06:16.576 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I being too face it? 06:16.836 --> 06:18.278 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I feel bad about it, but I'm not. 06:18.298 --> 06:19.399 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna act in a different way. 06:19.439 --> 06:20.560 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I'm telling you to do that. 06:21.341 --> 06:27.087 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm telling you, do not act insecure and, like, worried about this stuff in the past. 06:27.167 --> 06:28.668 [SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm telling you, do not act that way. 06:29.149 --> 06:30.810 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm telling you to act to be like, oh, cool. 06:31.091 --> 06:32.592 [SPEAKER_00]: You had relationships in the past, but that's cool. 06:33.133 --> 06:33.593 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 06:33.573 --> 06:37.874 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you got whatever got you to be here this cool check that I'm with right now. 06:38.116 --> 06:38.397 [SPEAKER_00]: Awesome. 06:38.899 --> 06:39.261 [SPEAKER_00]: I like it. 06:40.186 --> 06:40.849 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you want for dinner? 06:43.647 --> 06:44.348 [SPEAKER_00]: You see what I'm saying? 06:45.529 --> 06:48.131 [SPEAKER_00]: Gosh, it's people get wrapped up in this stuff, man. 06:48.451 --> 06:55.057 [SPEAKER_00]: Looks bad, feels bad, fake it, fake it, pretend. 06:55.097 --> 06:58.320 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have to, that you're like, oh, cool. 06:58.760 --> 07:00.622 [SPEAKER_00]: You stay the other guys, let's see if I don't really care. 07:01.663 --> 07:03.665 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you're with me now, that's the important thing. 07:04.085 --> 07:05.266 [SPEAKER_00]: Got a couple of cool kids, that's cool. 07:05.486 --> 07:09.089 [SPEAKER_00]: I got my kid, we're kind of like putting our own little system together, got a little fan going. 07:09.510 --> 07:13.333 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm concerned about, be that guy. 07:13.853 --> 07:22.615 [SPEAKER_00]: Be that guy, move forward, don't dwell, get after it, it's my assessment. 07:22.696 --> 07:25.140 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it feels like he's the one bringing it up, too. 07:25.480 --> 07:30.588 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, you're expanding more energy like doing the wrong thing, you know, kind of a thing. 07:30.608 --> 07:33.212 [SPEAKER_01]: Just don't bring it up with you exactly what you're saying in my opinion. 07:33.452 --> 07:35.095 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, even a look, I get it, right? 07:35.115 --> 07:36.077 [SPEAKER_01]: You have internal feelings. 07:36.217 --> 07:38.781 [SPEAKER_01]: Like everybody else, I get it, but Brad, you've got to be strong. 07:38.801 --> 07:40.503 [SPEAKER_01]: You got to develop that barrier, right? 07:40.523 --> 07:45.291 [SPEAKER_01]: That filter of like, I understand you're going to feel but the difference between what you feel and how you behave. 07:45.531 --> 07:48.976 [SPEAKER_01]: Brad, you've got to, you've got to make some, you know, put up some boundaries. 07:49.177 --> 07:51.420 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, make some decisions about how you're going to be. 07:51.400 --> 07:57.568 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so that, and that was, that was what, I'm gonna invoke this little mantra again. 07:57.929 --> 08:03.056 [SPEAKER_01]: What, uh, you gotta, you gotta decide what outcome do you want? 08:03.296 --> 08:06.941 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's gonna have a lot to do with like, how do you want to be perceived? 08:06.961 --> 08:08.544 [SPEAKER_01]: How you say, like, who do you want to be? 08:08.584 --> 08:10.807 [SPEAKER_01]: This has to be like part of who you are now, you know? 08:10.967 --> 08:14.652 [SPEAKER_01]: So you have to understand in why and identify what you want to outcome to be. 08:14.672 --> 08:19.078 [SPEAKER_01]: And then obviously these two issues that you brought up, which is the custody and the stress part of it. 08:19.058 --> 08:24.985 [SPEAKER_01]: So the custody, you know, the stress of XYZ, what do you want the outcome to be? 08:25.365 --> 08:26.947 [SPEAKER_01]: And then behave towards that outcome. 08:27.568 --> 08:33.314 [SPEAKER_01]: Same thing with your partner that you obviously built something got a blended family, cool, sweet, what do you want the outcome to be? 08:33.955 --> 08:39.301 [SPEAKER_01]: And if you can really understand that, all this other stuff is easy or simple, you're going to know what not to do. 08:39.321 --> 08:44.627 [SPEAKER_01]: Because if you want the outcome to be positive and strong and secure and stuff like that, basically the thing that we all want, 08:44.607 --> 08:51.944 [SPEAKER_01]: You want that to be the outcome in your conscious of it, but you're not going to be busing out these Who are you with how many guys were you with before me all this stuff. 08:51.964 --> 08:56.153 [SPEAKER_01]: You just won't do that Same same and then you just sort of become the person who is like that. 08:56.273 --> 09:01.485 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's carry on about There we go 09:01.465 --> 09:02.827 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello, John. 09:02.847 --> 09:05.230 [SPEAKER_01]: I thank you an echo for the time and a podcast. 09:05.550 --> 09:06.452 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a naval officer. 09:06.492 --> 09:13.421 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks to your podcast How do I keep my peace while also maintaining my relationship with family who cannot accept my choices? 09:14.142 --> 09:14.583 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 09:14.603 --> 09:20.010 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm assuming this choice is to join the military Well, I have no idea what to assume. 09:20.030 --> 09:27.660 [SPEAKER_00]: These are there's a lot of context around a question Like this that's not here because what kind of choices is this dude making right right? 09:27.680 --> 09:28.401 [SPEAKER_00]: It could be this 09:29.309 --> 09:36.095 [SPEAKER_00]: So, that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocco Underground podcast. 09:36.175 --> 09:37.480 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to continue to listen, 09:38.995 --> 10:07.635 [SPEAKER_00]: go to jockelunderground.com and subscribe and we're doing this, we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms so we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the jockel podcast which will remain as is free for all as long as we can keep it that way but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control 10:07.615 --> 10:26.782 [SPEAKER_00]: And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us, and to do that, we are building a website right now, where we'll build the utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. 10:27.162 --> 10:29.906 [SPEAKER_00]: So thank you, it's jockelunderground.com. 10:30.247 --> 10:33.171 [SPEAKER_00]: It costs $8 and $18 a month. 10:33.311 --> 10:35.614 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you can't afford to support us, 10:36.640 --> 10:49.063 [SPEAKER_00]: We can still support you just email assistance at jockelonaground.com and we'll get you taken care of until then we will see you mobilized underground.