[SPEAKER_00]: This is the Jockel underground podcast number one ninety two sitting here with echo trolls We have got some questions life questions relationship questions leadership questions raising children questions Judges you questions working out question.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got a bunch of questions and you get them every week and we answer them every week.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into it
[SPEAKER_02]: First of all, how do you approach swear word usage by kids?
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you allow your children to swear and if so, from what age, in what circumstances, did you swear around your kids?
[SPEAKER_02]: Also, how do you teach children that there is evil in the world and that it can be unfair place?
[SPEAKER_02]: We have two boys, seven year old and six year old.
[SPEAKER_00]: So swearing, I didn't swear in front of my kids and I actually did swear really in front of my wife I still don't like get crazy swearing in front of my wife, but I do swear more around my kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll cause their adults and what have you
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't get me wrong because I did swear all the time in the teams like totally every third word was an F bomb or some other profane word and I will still swear at this time with the boys, you know, we're doing whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: But when I'm interacting with someone on anything outside of like my kind of direct crew, then I generally speaking I don't really swear.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, when you're raising your kids, you might your kids be swearing, you know, at some point.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember one time I took my, I was out camping with my son for his maybe is like eight or nine to birthday or something like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's 10th birthday.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, he's with his buddies and I'm in the RV and his buddies and him are in the tent on the beach.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I woke up early because we were surfing and it's cold.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I walk over to their tent and I hear that they're already off and they're like swearing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm kind of like, okay, you know, it's the boys, you know, the 10-year-old boys get wild.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I unzip the tent and I look in there and they're like, they're like horrified.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Put your fucking wetsuits on and they were like, oh, you know, that's one of those moments.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, again, it's like a little relationship thing, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: We can all bend out a shape because your kids at a bad word.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't think you need to get crazy with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But they definitely need to understand that it's suboptimal communication methodology, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have to swear all the time, it's, there's better ways to get things done.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would err on the side of not swearing, but, you know, I don't make a huge deal out of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, more like you don't want your kids to square all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's need to recognize that it's not a good look.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a good way to gain respect.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that occasional F-bomb at the right moment can't get the attention of someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, but if you're swearing all the time, then it won't get anyone's attention.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, that's kind of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: As far as teaching them about evil in the world, I think it's just a slow exposure to reality, like what you see in the news.
[SPEAKER_00]: What you see in the news, I think you expose to them over time, and you kind of start off with lesser evil and start off with, you know, there's people stealing things and people being, people hurting other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: people fighting other people, people hurting animals, people doing some kind of sadistic behavior, then abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, you know, sexual abuse, you got to tell kids about this stuff and then you get into like murderers.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, you can first explain that, you know, there's a crime of passion where the husband's mad at the wife and he kills her and then you can start talking about serial kill like so, but again, you kind of have to do this over time where they can understand and then out overwhelmed by it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's wrong to not let them understand that these things are in the world, but it's also wrong to expose them at a young age when they can't really comprehend it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think you got to do exposure therapy, kind of just start off slow and grow from there.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I've talked about this before, but I think one of the best things that ever happened to my son was we saw a, again, we were surfing early in the morning, we saw a tweaker at five in the morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just as the sun's coming up for six in the morning, just as the sun's coming up in this guy is just too weak doubt on drugs.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's being arrested.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's acting totally insane, screaming, and he's got the spit hat on, and he's got like ripped pants, no shirt, he's all beat up, and just dirty.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's saying crazy things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And my son, again, at this time he was probably like seven or eight, and he's like, like, dad, what is going on with that guy?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said, that guy's on drugs.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what drugs does to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that left a mark?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I think that you have to kind of do exposure therapy with your kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, it's another good thing is like movies.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know,
[SPEAKER_00]: The rated R movie thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: How old are your kids going to start to let them watch the rated R movies?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it was I mean young technically, but it's not that that's not how I categorize it.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, oh, you can watch this.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's rated R. It's like totally depends on the movie.
[SPEAKER_02]: What the actual R rating is for exactly right.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like deadpool?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: So my son as soon as it came out he was like four or five.
[SPEAKER_00]: No kidding.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that rated R?
[SPEAKER_02]: Big ten.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because of what?
[SPEAKER_02]: Wildly inappropriate stuff.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's like there's violence, but it's sensationalized.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's swearing.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's like sex jokes and like just it's really flagrant But Given my son's personality, that's not gonna affect him.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's just gonna think it's funny, but then if I show him like I don't know like a like a Friday the 13th or something like this It'll mess with him So it depends it depends on you know his personality and how it did your kid like scary moves to his like
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, my daughter does what my son doesn't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Coach Hannah, my daughter.
[SPEAKER_00]: She watched scary moves, but they like horrify her.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, she likes to watch her.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's real.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, she's like, when she starts talking about him, you can tell if they lay it in.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the way she says there's a movie called Mid-Somar.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually haven't seen it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the way that she says the name Mid-Somar, you're like, oh, she has PTSD.
[SPEAKER_00]: She knows she'll be like, she'll like shift her position.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, but I do think that you can show kids movies, you know, because they're fictional.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can say, hey, look, this isn't real, but this does happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you can get, then you can move to movies that are based on reality.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then eventually you can show them to a documentary, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can, but I think you just got to slowly introduce these things kids over time.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and like I said, I do believe this as if right now I do believe that it does depend on the movie because that midsomar Like that movie is not I didn't I don't think that one was actually scary who's disturbing?
[SPEAKER_02]: I real disturbing, but it wasn't scary like it didn't mean you didn't leave the movie and like be scared But back in the day when you watched Friday and 13th or candy man you're watch candy man.
[SPEAKER_02]: That first one polica
[SPEAKER_02]: I was in like 8th grade or something and you say his name in the mirror like three times or something or five times I don't know and who appear behind you and kill you bro you was Brian couldn't go in like the bathroom anymore like by myself at night it was hard that's scary you know this is different we watched the exercises around the kid which was horrific you know as a little kid you're like oh my god
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, but I think you can utilize movies as a introduction to things and that that way that a little bit more controlled.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what the movies about So I think you could do that too, but and I think my kids were watching rated Our movies may be around 12 and you know, again, same as you like generally speaking I think my youngest daughter watched black-lock You know, that's so and that is that's where we're at
[SPEAKER_02]: Does black hop down, have any like disturbing things that would affect the kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, getting their legs blown off and be dying.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's definitely violent to high violence in the bloodshed.
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, it feels like it doesn't play on the kids' fears as much as like a Friday, the 13th.
[SPEAKER_02]: That there's a crazy maniac, unknown, unseen killer out there in the darkness.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you remember Uncle Fester, I think he's from the Adam's family?
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a friend in the sealed teams that would have nightmares that there was like an Uncle Fester type person.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was going to kill him.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the thing was, it was like he was way bigger and way stronger.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uncle Fester, this Uncle Fester type character was way bigger and way stronger.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you think about that's pretty horrifying, you know, like you and I, you know, we trained you, Jitsu, we left, you know, we're in shape, we have concealed carry, like we're, you know, we're kind of like in the game.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are the danger.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are the danger, isn't it, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: She's bald.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you start thinking like, oh, there's someone that's even to the end degree and it was kind of superhuman, kind of a superhuman scenario.
[SPEAKER_00]: I ended up thinking it was like
[SPEAKER_00]: blood meridian, which I don't think you've read, but in blood meridian there's a character called the judge.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he's sort of the same way.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like bigger, stronger, cat-like reflexes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, bro, this is kind of, you're kind of at the whim of this dude from a physical way, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's why my friend was so scared that the suncofaster type dude.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you're a kid, pretty much everyone's like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Pretty much everyone's bigger and stronger than you.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's true.
[SPEAKER_02]: What, um, the swearing thing?
[SPEAKER_02]: I kind of went back and forth on it.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I like, like, I think your way is kind of optimal.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think, because I do swear, but not that much around the kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm going to make it a point.
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is where I arrived at.
[SPEAKER_02]: Where I don't want it to be normalized, you know, like, it's really, because I, in fact, I wish you was less normalized for me, and actually freaking, now that I'm, however, we'll damn.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of things looking back that I thought were cool because it was fine, I have, you know, my parents did this or whatever and I turned off and I realized maybe I didn't turn out as fine as I could have been.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, if there's a handful of things that are we're normalized that I'm like, but I think he kind of jammed me up to be honest with you, but the swearing one wasn't a big deal, but every once in a while, I was like,
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I shouldn't have been swearing, you know, like that kind, like there's this at it was at the master and it was actually some people that we know and they were so there's the daughter, the dad, you know these people, completely know them, but I'm not gonna say that name this for privacy, but there's the daughter, the dad and the mom, I didn't know they were all related, I knew individually, I
[SPEAKER_02]: And the daughters may be 20s early toys, so we don't way younger than me, you know?
[SPEAKER_02]: And then the mom and dad are just slightly older than me.
[SPEAKER_02]: So anyway, I'm like, she goes, oh hi, you know?
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, I'll say, shoot, have my met you, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: And they're all standing in front of me, but I didn't know they're already.
[SPEAKER_02]: So she's like, oh yeah, I met you last time and I'm like, yeah, and I'm trying to figure it out.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and she's like, yeah, I was at this other time and I was like, oh wait, was it at this time?
[SPEAKER_02]: She was like, no, no, it was at the other time and I was like, are you sure she's like, yeah, I go, are you fucking with me?
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, no, no.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then the mom and the dad were right there.
[SPEAKER_02]: And the mom, you could tell she was like, hey, like, you shouldn't talk to my daughter like that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like that was the vibe.
[SPEAKER_02]: She didn't say that, but that was the vibe because she goes, uh, this is our daughter day and a wrap in the conversation, you know?
[SPEAKER_02]: And me, like, but I'll say that to anybody, you know, all my friends are like, are you following me?
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, right now, like asking, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I remember thinking that swearing kind of came out real naturally, you know, like almost like a default, but like that's how, you know, I was like shoot maybe swearing was normalized a little bit too much, assume saying.
[SPEAKER_02]: So, and that's just one time, I mean, maybe there's another time, whatever.
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's not a huge problem, but I'm saying if it wasn't normalized, if my default was like you, or it's like, you kind of only swear under certain circumstances.
[SPEAKER_00]: Characteria.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: And the default was no swearing, probably when that didn't do that, you know?
[SPEAKER_02]: And I feel weird like every time I see her at the mustard stuff, I feel like kind of like off.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know?
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just trying to be extra nice and stuff like that, but I'm like man, um, but yeah, so I think I'm with you now, like my kids will hear me swear, but I'm not just swearing.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's all good.
[SPEAKER_02]: They don't swear at all.
[SPEAKER_02]: They think like I think like a lot of kids who are, yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, have, they'll get through it, but you're not like your boy when he was swearing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, my and how kind of I felt when I was really young, where I was like, hey, when no one's around, I say it, it's like, who's so crazy, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Or whatever?
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my kids are totally like that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, if there's a song going on and they're swearing in it, they'll kind of look at me like, oh, that was crazy, you know, or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: My oldest daughter ratted out some of her friends or some of her kids at school or something when she was probably like Third or fourth grade or something for saying the S word to my wife where S H I T no it was So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocco underground podcast.
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