WEBVTT 00:00.031 --> 00:02.474 [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everyone and welcome back to room for us. 00:02.894 --> 00:04.496 [SPEAKER_00]: A space where queer voices thrive. 00:05.077 --> 00:06.879 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host P and every single week. 00:06.979 --> 00:11.565 [SPEAKER_00]: I like to sit down, get vulnerable, and talk about all things queer with all of you. 00:11.585 --> 00:21.737 [SPEAKER_00]: First off, I just want to see how everybody's doing, how it's our mental health, especially as we're entering, like the seasonal depression, era, and it's getting so dark. 00:22.097 --> 00:26.983 [SPEAKER_00]: So early, I brought this up in my last episode where I was saying, 00:26.963 --> 00:37.185 [SPEAKER_00]: the holidays can feel like such a feeling of mixed emotions, especially as the days get shorter, and then you just feel like you're kind of in this mundane routine every day. 00:37.225 --> 00:41.375 [SPEAKER_00]: So just wanted to check in and see how all of you are doing. 00:41.395 --> 00:42.036 [SPEAKER_00]: I've 00:42.016 --> 00:54.574 [SPEAKER_00]: been actively working on trying to improve my mental health recently and especially being in Vancouver when the city is so, so rainy, it's basically raining every day during our winter season. 00:54.634 --> 01:04.108 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to stay creative, get involved in some activities, make sure I'm moving my body daily, all those little things that I do feel like are helping. 01:04.088 --> 01:09.595 [SPEAKER_00]: So, on the mental health front, I'm starting to feel a bit better, which is good. 01:09.755 --> 01:13.140 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I needed to be a little bit more active in that sense. 01:13.280 --> 01:27.278 [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure I was like trying to help my situation versus just like continuing to bedrock and scroll on TikTok and Instagram, and as I'm doing things a little by little, I'm starting to notice improvements, which is really good. 01:27.258 --> 01:52.641 [SPEAKER_00]: For this week's topic, I wanted to talk a little bit more about my growing up and for returning listeners who would listen to Girl on Girl and are now still tuning into room for us, you do definitely know a bit about my background and my coming out story and, you know, how I came to terms with my sexuality, living in Toronto, but I kind of wanted to give a bit of a refresher and dive 01:52.621 --> 02:22.628 [SPEAKER_00]: A little bit deeper into my experience growing up as an Indian Canadian woman as I don't know if I really touched upon that a lot when I was doing my earlier episodes with Sarah So I thought this would be a really good episode to talk about this because there's so much I've also been uncovering about myself, you know being gay like being so confident in my sexuality 02:22.608 --> 02:41.055 [SPEAKER_00]: When I was growing up in the mid-90s, early 2000s as a kid, and sometimes when I look back at those times, it does make me a little sad because this is such an important topic to talk about now, as the online conversations on South Asian hate have been getting so, so out of hand, and 02:41.035 --> 02:53.930 [SPEAKER_00]: So horrible that I just wanted to speak up about it and talk about how I've been feeling and I'm just also sending love to everyone in this out Asian community who has been going through it. 02:53.970 --> 03:04.883 [SPEAKER_00]: It's disgusting to see how they're being treated, especially in a place like Canada, where a lot of people did immigrate here to have a better life and have more opportunity. 03:04.863 --> 03:14.297 [SPEAKER_00]: So, I wanted to get into a little bit of that, and then also truly what my experience was growing up in wippy Ontario in Canada. 03:14.637 --> 03:18.002 [SPEAKER_00]: And wippy specifically is a suburb outside of Toronto. 03:18.103 --> 03:19.124 [SPEAKER_00]: It's about an hour away. 03:19.144 --> 03:28.558 [SPEAKER_00]: And times may have changed now for like the population of wippy, but I know when I was growing up in the mid-90s early 2000s. 03:28.538 --> 03:31.803 [SPEAKER_00]: Wikipedia was a primarily white population. 03:31.823 --> 03:42.560 [SPEAKER_00]: So I wasn't seeing like a lot of people of color around me and my neighborhood and in my school, like while there were people of color, of course, I just feel like it was predominantly white. 03:43.161 --> 03:55.761 [SPEAKER_00]: There was definitely like very, very little gay representation, especially like any femme lesbian representation that was absolutely not a 03:55.741 --> 04:02.609 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like growing up during that time, I was masking a lot of my identity, truly. 04:02.649 --> 04:10.098 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've just spoken about this when it came to my sexuality and me discovering my sexuality when I was a teenager. 04:10.118 --> 04:16.686 [SPEAKER_00]: I was probably like 16, 17 and when I finally told a couple of friends about it when I was 18, 04:16.666 --> 04:22.292 [SPEAKER_00]: I was met with a reaction that wasn't very kind. 04:22.312 --> 04:27.757 [SPEAKER_00]: It was basically saying that I wasn't and that I seemed like a dick kind of girl. 04:27.917 --> 04:41.551 [SPEAKER_00]: I've mentioned that before on the podcast, it's pretty shocking actually when you think about that exact verbiage, but basically saying like, because of the way I looked and how I presented myself, I definitely seemed like someone who could like boys. 04:42.492 --> 04:43.753 [SPEAKER_00]: So, 04:43.733 --> 05:12.475 [SPEAKER_00]: when you're in like these impressionable years and you're growing up in an area that's like kind of small at the same time like people do know each other especially like through high school you're kind of running in smaller circles it can feel very isolating in moments and you kind of just start to believe what's around you so when it came to me discovering my sexuality I felt like I didn't really have like a safe and open space to really to really just be myself 05:12.455 --> 05:23.906 [SPEAKER_00]: And I really started to become more comfortable in my sexuality when I moved to Toronto at 17 because Toronto is such an open, welcoming city. 05:23.986 --> 05:28.530 [SPEAKER_00]: It's one of the most diverse cities in the world and is truly one of my favorite cities. 05:29.131 --> 05:41.803 [SPEAKER_00]: I was living there for 10 years and it will always hold such a special place in my heart because of all the amazing experiences I had in meeting so many different people like experiencing the gay scene in Toronto 05:41.783 --> 05:56.839 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying all the different food, it was just so beautiful for me to experience that because I did feel like myself personally, like for my soul was held back being in a smaller town. 05:56.819 --> 05:58.441 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that's not the case for everybody. 05:58.922 --> 06:01.685 [SPEAKER_00]: I think Wippy is actually a very amazing place. 06:01.846 --> 06:07.713 [SPEAKER_00]: I have nothing but like good memories when I think about it in terms of like growing up. 06:07.974 --> 06:11.018 [SPEAKER_00]: There are actually like a lot more additions that have been added to it. 06:11.118 --> 06:15.163 [SPEAKER_00]: There is, it's just different, I would say, compared to when I was growing up. 06:15.183 --> 06:24.075 [SPEAKER_00]: While I obviously had some good memories there, I think that I'm someone who's always needed a big city for these reasons that I'm going to name 06:25.237 --> 06:42.688 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think I never really reflected too much on my childhood until probably like earlier this year even when I was just thinking about like how I'm becoming the person I am today and also someone who's becoming so proud of their culture and 06:42.668 --> 06:46.735 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I was very proud of it when I was a kid and that's very, very sad to say. 06:46.755 --> 06:59.235 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that some of that stems from, especially when you're a kid and you're growing up in an immigrant family, the one thing you want to be is quote unquote normal. 06:59.916 --> 07:08.710 [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're growing up in Canada and in my case, in this smaller town, like a suburban town of very, very suburban town. 07:08.690 --> 07:13.656 [SPEAKER_00]: I was looking at all the kids around me and just wanted to be exactly like them. 07:13.676 --> 07:34.281 [SPEAKER_00]: There was very little representation, specifically South Asian representation in my elementary school, and I think that impacted me a lot more than I thought it would, because when you're a kid just trying to fit in, all you want to do is be exactly like the kids around you. 07:34.321 --> 07:38.106 [SPEAKER_00]: You kind of 07:38.086 --> 07:43.753 [SPEAKER_00]: have the same style, like even in the way I styled my hair in high school and we'll get into this. 07:43.914 --> 07:47.899 [SPEAKER_00]: But when I look back, I feel like it was a lot of white influence around me. 07:47.939 --> 07:53.566 [SPEAKER_00]: Even the people around me, naturally, like I was friends with a lot of white people. 07:54.067 --> 07:59.554 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I think back to me being a kid, as little as like six years old and grade one, 07:59.534 --> 08:07.645 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually had a memory pop up for me, where I remember when my mom had packed my lunch, she had actually packed me in the infoode. 08:07.925 --> 08:19.561 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember being a kid and opening up my lunch box and just looking at the food and closing it and putting it away because subconsciously, I knew it was different. 08:20.122 --> 08:26.571 [SPEAKER_00]: I was seeing what everyone else around me was eating and a lot of it was, you know, like your classic. 08:26.551 --> 08:31.059 [SPEAKER_00]: Like sandwiches or lunchables or like pizza, like things like that. 08:31.439 --> 08:40.054 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember just thinking the last thing I want to do is be questioned or someone make fun of me for what I'm bringing. 08:40.074 --> 08:43.480 [SPEAKER_00]: And while it's completely normal, 08:43.460 --> 08:45.484 [SPEAKER_00]: to bring food from a different culture. 08:45.545 --> 08:54.624 [SPEAKER_00]: For lunch, I feel like I automatically felt like embarrassed about it and therefore I feel like I was hiding parts of my identity. 08:54.644 --> 09:02.301 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like embarrassed to even share this part of me with anyone from my school and you know how kids can be especially at that age. 09:02.361 --> 09:02.802 [SPEAKER_00]: They're 09:02.782 --> 09:04.025 [SPEAKER_00]: They're mean. 09:04.065 --> 09:09.118 [SPEAKER_00]: Truly, I feel like there's some empathy that's missing when kids are that young. 09:09.378 --> 09:12.185 [SPEAKER_00]: And the last thing you want to do is stand out. 09:12.486 --> 09:15.493 [SPEAKER_00]: So I remember specifically that day just like not eating my lunch. 09:16.175 --> 09:18.942 [SPEAKER_00]: And I must have brought up to my mom at some point. 09:19.062 --> 09:20.706 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe that I wanted to eat more. 09:20.686 --> 09:44.972 [SPEAKER_00]: quote unquote normal school lunches so I think I was probably asking for like sandwiches or pasta or something where maybe I wouldn't draw attention and that does make me feel very sad because Indian culture is so so beautiful and something to be really celebrated and I just don't think I had an appreciation for it back then at all especially being so young. 09:44.952 --> 09:52.506 [SPEAKER_00]: So, I think when it came to really finding that appreciation for my culture, I would get that at home, my mom. 09:53.227 --> 10:06.792 [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I've mentioned this in a podcast episode before she would cook a lot of Indian food and I'm really grateful for that because with her type of homemade cooking, it was just like such healthy foods and I'm grateful that I really grew up on that. 10:06.772 --> 10:17.887 [SPEAKER_00]: but I still felt like there was aspects to culture in my home that we're missing and it's not it's not like I'm blaming my parents for this or anything. 10:18.007 --> 10:32.948 [SPEAKER_00]: I just wonder if also living in a place like with B like also maybe had that influence on my parents because that's something they're around every single day and I think eventually like an environment can have a 10:32.928 --> 10:54.750 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember specifically one of the things that would make me most proud of my Indian culture was when my dad was in a band and him and the band would get together all the time and they would play like classic Bollywood music and that sparked something in me because I remember thinking like this is so 10:54.730 --> 11:04.067 [SPEAKER_00]: fun, I could see the community, there's just so much food, the colors, it's vibrant, and I personally am a big fan of Bollywood music like now to this day. 11:04.829 --> 11:16.671 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that was really important for me to also see that aspect growing up, and as the years gone on, my dad stopped playing in the band, so there was like none of that as much anymore, unless we would get together with them. 11:16.651 --> 11:27.114 [SPEAKER_00]: My extended family members, but I will say that was something that was lacking in my day today, you know, just living as an Indian Canadian in would be at the time. 11:27.154 --> 11:35.672 [SPEAKER_00]: So while that portion of my life when I was younger was very, very exciting, it's kind of like a core memory for me because, 11:35.652 --> 11:48.489 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember even feeling so proud to be Indian because I could just see like how community is so important in Indian culture and how people get together and they love to share food with each other too. 11:48.529 --> 11:50.775 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like such a big love language. 11:50.755 --> 12:07.463 [SPEAKER_00]: That, to me, was always so special, that time in my life, even though I was so, so young, and was kind of more just like a witness to all of that, like, was a witness to the music playing in our basement in Whippy and, like, band members getting together to practice. 12:07.583 --> 12:15.396 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that was really important for me to see, and I would actually really want my dad to know that that was 12:15.376 --> 12:16.518 [SPEAKER_00]: very special for me. 12:16.819 --> 12:29.623 [SPEAKER_00]: I left listening to his music and I felt very proud of it and I'm already like a huge music lover as it is so I find like listening to new music very interesting. 12:29.643 --> 12:32.068 [SPEAKER_00]: I love to learn about instruments and how 12:32.048 --> 12:44.127 [SPEAKER_00]: like production beats are made and it's interesting now to see how, like I guess it's been happening since the 2000s to mid-2000s where Indian music is seen in like Western music today. 12:44.247 --> 12:53.702 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of music that pulls from those influences, like even toxic by Britney Spears is famously known for pulling a sample from a Bollywood film. 12:53.682 --> 12:55.125 [SPEAKER_00]: Which is very, very cool. 12:55.566 --> 13:11.657 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's so much to see and like understand how big India's influence is and that's why it's, it makes me sad that a part of me felt like hiding that part of myself when I was growing up and with me. 13:11.637 --> 13:18.523 [SPEAKER_00]: I wonder if a lot of kids from immigrant families would also relate to this, even my partner being half-proven. 13:18.723 --> 13:21.806 [SPEAKER_00]: I know this was something she did relate to as well when we talked about it. 13:22.347 --> 13:34.077 [SPEAKER_00]: She grew up in Burlington, which is also predominantly white, and I think her and her sister would also feel that way when they would maybe have classic Peruvian lunches, things that just look different than your typical sandwich. 13:34.117 --> 13:41.644 [SPEAKER_00]: So I do think that this is so relatable, and I would be open to hearing what other people 13:41.624 --> 13:51.593 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, this makes me really sad to admit, but I do think it's very important to talk about too and how I feel like we're unlearning. 13:51.613 --> 14:00.801 [SPEAKER_00]: These feelings that we had as kids in trying to fit into this mold of what society deems as normal or beautiful. 14:01.062 --> 14:02.823 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we would see, right? 14:02.983 --> 14:11.631 [SPEAKER_00]: I think even as a kid, what I saw in the media at that time, what was deemed as beautiful 14:11.611 --> 14:18.579 [SPEAKER_00]: someone white, right, often someone white, they're blonde, and like I just didn't fit any of that. 14:18.660 --> 14:27.851 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel like I fit those beauty standards, but obviously, like in many ways, beauty is very, very subjective. 14:27.891 --> 14:34.018 [SPEAKER_00]: I think, and I think there's something to appreciate in all different types of cultures, and that's just a given. 14:34.078 --> 14:39.525 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just sad that I feel like that's not the narrative we were fed for so, so long. 14:39.505 --> 14:45.132 [SPEAKER_00]: One thing I do want to emphasize, though, is that there was no part of me that hated my culture. 14:45.152 --> 14:50.699 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think I was trying so, so hard to adapt to the environment I was in. 14:50.739 --> 14:59.270 [SPEAKER_00]: And the environment I was in was surrounded by a lot of whiteness to be honest. 14:59.550 --> 15:08.922 [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're in these years where you're probably the most self-conscious, and I'm talking about like even teenagers, all you want to do is fit in. 15:08.902 --> 15:17.152 [SPEAKER_00]: And I wanted to make sure I fit in as much as possible that there was nothing unique about me whatsoever. 15:17.212 --> 15:18.794 [SPEAKER_00]: That was my biggest thing. 15:18.834 --> 15:25.903 [SPEAKER_00]: And I always talk about how, as you tend to get older and you become comfortable in your skin, you want to stand out. 15:26.083 --> 15:27.585 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you want to be unique. 15:27.725 --> 15:34.453 [SPEAKER_00]: And people really find the unique things about you, the most intriguing, the most interesting. 15:34.433 --> 15:37.559 [SPEAKER_00]: that was definitely not on my radar when I was growing up in wippy. 15:38.000 --> 15:54.653 [SPEAKER_00]: I just wanted to fit in, nobody ask anything, and that's truly how I felt, because I think in ways as well, like I have a lot of uniqueness about me, of course, like growing up in a predominantly white town, and I'm 15:54.633 --> 15:55.514 [SPEAKER_00]: South Asian. 15:56.316 --> 16:16.287 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember in high school there was only like a select few brown girls in the grade and we all jokingly like took a photo together when it was the yearbook photos that you taken grade 12 like at the end of the year but you take more like lifestyle like fun pictures and you can like dress up however you want or 16:16.267 --> 16:40.823 [SPEAKER_00]: People who play sports like bring their equipment, things like that, it kind of like shows off your personality, and I remember one of the girls like kind of jokingly said like all the brown girls get together, and we all took a picture, and it wasn't many of us right, and I think all of us could probably relate in ways to what I'm talking about, because for most of us, I think we would have lived most of our 16:40.803 --> 16:43.526 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, young adult lives in wippy at that time. 16:44.246 --> 16:48.771 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's such a core memory to me as well as like taking that picture. 16:48.791 --> 16:50.593 [SPEAKER_00]: I can even like picture it in my head right now. 16:51.333 --> 16:57.599 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I even remember just trying to like style my hair a certain way. 16:57.680 --> 17:01.784 [SPEAKER_00]: And as you can see, like my hair is actually very, very naturally curly. 17:02.464 --> 17:07.369 [SPEAKER_00]: I get my natural curls from my dad and my sister does too. 17:07.689 --> 17:10.472 [SPEAKER_00]: She has curly hair. 17:10.452 --> 17:20.588 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it was just at the time or I don't know if it was like a trend or something that I was so obsessed with wanting to straighten my hair. 17:20.889 --> 17:27.700 [SPEAKER_00]: Like my hair always had to be straight and if I did curl it, it would be like loose curls. 17:27.720 --> 17:32.848 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it was never my natural hair and I sometimes can't help but notice, like, 17:32.828 --> 17:59.865 [SPEAKER_00]: I wonder if that is some like white influence as well as like what is deemed as like fitting in and I'm not saying like if you do that you're you're just trying to be white I'm not I'm not trying to say that I just wonder if subconsciously like that was my version as well of like fitting in was like constantly using the heat heat iron on my hair every single day I feel like I literally would do my hair every day like that for school. 17:59.845 --> 18:23.794 [SPEAKER_00]: And I never wanted to embrace like the natural like Indian curls I have and now I love them I actually rarely like use heat on my hair unless I'm obviously like getting ready and blow drying and stuff But I feel like just meaning I'm embracing the curls and I wear them out more But I never really did that when I was younger and in 18:23.774 --> 18:33.845 [SPEAKER_00]: college, to early 20s, I was still very much like very addicted to the straightener, always using it, needing to get ready every single time because hair was the big thing. 18:34.205 --> 18:51.283 [SPEAKER_00]: I would want to dive a bit deeper into that and see if there was something subconscious there of me trying to fit once again, like a certain mold of like how we present, how we present ourselves in a society, once again, that would like, 18:51.263 --> 18:56.693 [SPEAKER_00]: deem this beauty or like a more like these white standards, the right way to do it, I guess. 18:56.954 --> 19:02.243 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, I've been seeing so much hate. 19:02.484 --> 19:13.845 [SPEAKER_00]: Like there's an increased hate against South Asians and about them being in Canada, and it's honestly awful to see this kind of 19:13.825 --> 19:15.007 [SPEAKER_00]: discourse online. 19:15.027 --> 19:29.910 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like people are getting too comfortable once again with like trying to shove people out for like their uniqueness or like them bringing something unique to the table and I 19:29.890 --> 19:35.119 [SPEAKER_00]: What I always admired about Toronto was that was one of the most diverse cities ever. 19:35.279 --> 19:50.143 [SPEAKER_00]: So like people from all over were coming and sharing like their sharing things about their cultures, their traditions, their food and you just hear very, very people comments about South Asians and the food and like the smells and 19:50.123 --> 20:18.358 [SPEAKER_00]: The one of the worst things I actually see online is these influencers posting these YouTube videos talking about traveling India and I think it even says it in the title like waiting to see How many street food items I can try before I get sick these things aren't funny like these these titles aren't funny these clickbait videos are just awful it's just encouraging more racism Especially when it comes to food as well like they're such a 20:19.537 --> 20:23.104 [SPEAKER_00]: There's so much hate as well and like Indian food is delicious. 20:23.224 --> 20:25.909 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so tasty, it's so full of flavor and spice. 20:25.990 --> 20:33.424 [SPEAKER_00]: But yet there's so many people in Canada, even to this day, making comments about the food, saying how it's going to make them sick. 20:33.564 --> 20:35.268 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not funny. 20:35.328 --> 20:37.552 [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually very, very awful and very sad. 20:37.692 --> 20:40.077 [SPEAKER_00]: And this... 20:40.057 --> 20:42.345 [SPEAKER_00]: This type of hate the more you see it. 20:42.445 --> 20:49.830 [SPEAKER_00]: I can like see it coming back for people who now just want to mask their culture again and now they're like 20:50.519 --> 20:52.862 [SPEAKER_00]: being told to like go back to their country. 20:53.042 --> 21:05.956 [SPEAKER_00]: And when they have immigrated to Canada because they want to live a better life for themselves and like Canada is a place that like promises more like maybe career opportunities in whatever you want to do just a better life for family. 21:05.996 --> 21:09.500 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just sad to see that we're going in that direction. 21:09.540 --> 21:16.408 [SPEAKER_00]: And in Western media, I think this 21:16.388 --> 21:24.598 [SPEAKER_00]: Indians were definitely depicted in a very specific type of way for a very, very long time. 21:24.659 --> 21:33.770 [SPEAKER_00]: I always remember seeing that type of representation being very far from what I actually related to, which is really sad. 21:33.810 --> 21:38.196 [SPEAKER_00]: And I wonder if maybe I grew up watching more Bollywood films. 21:38.556 --> 21:42.261 [SPEAKER_00]: There's actors like Shah Rukhan and I swear we're right. 21:42.241 --> 21:59.878 [SPEAKER_00]: like during the mid-90s, early 2000s, like they were showcasing like so much more like character depth but also like the beautiful sides of India and like how how these characters just have so much more to them than what they were being 21:59.858 --> 22:04.786 [SPEAKER_00]: What was being depicted in the TV shows and films we were fed from Hollywood? 22:05.247 --> 22:17.968 [SPEAKER_00]: And I guess like the best example I can think of is like your typical Indian character was usually like a very studious maybe at times like nerdy character who 22:18.083 --> 22:24.029 [SPEAKER_00]: Even in a show where movie was maybe like embarrassed about their culture or like embarrassed by their family. 22:24.309 --> 22:37.881 [SPEAKER_00]: And one other specific trope I would see in TV too, where maybe you think it's being progressive, but then again I'm like, I don't know if it is, but it would show like a nerdy female South Asian. 22:37.921 --> 22:43.367 [SPEAKER_00]: And she would be constantly searching for validation from a white male. 22:43.407 --> 22:44.968 [SPEAKER_00]: And 22:44.948 --> 22:46.530 [SPEAKER_00]: that was her storyline. 22:46.610 --> 22:49.494 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we've seen that storyline so many times. 22:49.855 --> 22:53.300 [SPEAKER_00]: And I do think that it's getting better for sure. 22:53.360 --> 23:00.630 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to speak to that in terms of like the current media representation we're seeing with some South Asian actors and artists. 23:01.071 --> 23:04.195 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think for a long time there was a certain trope. 23:04.295 --> 23:11.766 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like the nerdy Indian man or the Indian woman who was always going for a white guy. 23:11.948 --> 23:29.755 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, it's it's just interesting to see how like that seemed to be the popular narrative and we weren't really seeing much else unless you know you were you were really watching Bollywood and I feel like that's something I really missed out on when I was growing up, but then again, it's never too late to get into it now. 23:29.735 --> 23:39.131 [SPEAKER_00]: But what I do love is I feel my extended family, my cousins who I talk to have really like helped me discover that part of myself too. 23:39.431 --> 23:46.343 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember even visiting some family like extended family when I was in Texas when I was young and they were... 23:46.323 --> 24:06.542 [SPEAKER_00]: kind of shocked that I like felt a little bit out of touch from my own culture and I have to say like I'm very embarrassed and sad to admit that and that's something I'm always trying to actively change I want to learn more and really take that time to get to know my culture and I am so proud to be an Indian Canadian. 24:06.522 --> 24:36.175 [SPEAKER_00]: And something I really did want to talk about is that I've been feeling really good about the current representation we're starting to see, especially for the younger generation. 24:36.155 --> 24:41.521 [SPEAKER_00]: just to showcase like women from all over the world in this like global band. 24:41.541 --> 24:44.064 [SPEAKER_00]: And I actually think it's pretty amazing how they've done this. 24:44.524 --> 24:49.950 [SPEAKER_00]: But one of the members in the band Lara, who I'm going to speak about, is incredible. 24:50.110 --> 24:54.595 [SPEAKER_00]: I just find she's so proud of her South Asian culture. 24:54.655 --> 25:00.542 [SPEAKER_00]: She wears 25:00.522 --> 25:17.299 [SPEAKER_00]: great representation for young South Asian kids to see that and feel proud that like this is their pop star you know and I just don't really think I was seeing that as much when I was younger and like while we did have some 25:17.279 --> 25:20.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Representation like I remember growing up with even like Anjali. 25:20.745 --> 25:23.871 [SPEAKER_00]: Remember she had like bangers like brand new bitch with such a good song. 25:24.332 --> 25:33.128 [SPEAKER_00]: But I also am curious to know if Anjali's label was maybe putting her under this pressure to kind of perform like um. 25:33.108 --> 25:39.420 [SPEAKER_00]: like a white pop star versus, you know, showcasing like her, her being South Asian. 25:39.881 --> 25:44.490 [SPEAKER_00]: I do think that is something that happened because she recently came out with the song, China and Sunshine. 25:44.510 --> 25:51.765 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that came out last year and I think it's just like so like speaks so authentically to her, her Indian roots. 25:51.885 --> 25:53.889 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just wasn't seeing that when I was young. 25:54.009 --> 25:55.572 [SPEAKER_00]: We're seeing it now. 25:55.552 --> 26:06.226 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think like if I had a pop star like Laura Raj, um, who could just like so proudly like be herself, um, I think that would have been amazing. 26:07.007 --> 26:08.849 [SPEAKER_00]: And she's an absolute baddie too. 26:08.909 --> 26:22.707 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's also representation for South Asian women to see that you, you don't need to be that timid nerdy South Asian woman who is just like seeking this like, 26:22.687 --> 26:23.849 [SPEAKER_00]: male validation. 26:23.869 --> 26:29.597 [SPEAKER_00]: You can be an absolute body who people like look up to and she's just a boss. 26:29.877 --> 26:37.308 [SPEAKER_00]: There's also other artists and actors who've really been on that same path as well that we've been noticing. 26:37.688 --> 26:41.033 [SPEAKER_00]: My tree, Ramakrishnaan, who 26:41.013 --> 26:43.917 [SPEAKER_00]: got her her start and never have I ever. 26:43.937 --> 26:53.210 [SPEAKER_00]: I think my tree is also really good for this representation and she also talks about how proud she is as well of her South Asian identity. 26:53.230 --> 27:01.281 [SPEAKER_00]: We have Vantica and she is, I remember seeing her in Mean Girls. 27:01.541 --> 27:02.743 [SPEAKER_00]: She's really good representation. 27:02.803 --> 27:06.588 [SPEAKER_00]: Simone Ashley from Bridgerton. 27:06.628 --> 27:08.050 [SPEAKER_00]: We love Simone. 27:08.030 --> 27:11.317 [SPEAKER_00]: And Bombay, Mommy, who I've been so obsessed with. 27:11.598 --> 27:14.564 [SPEAKER_00]: And Bombay, Mommy is half Indian, half Swiss. 27:15.286 --> 27:21.800 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's seeing that influence also in her music is incredible to see, and I'm so, so proud. 27:21.881 --> 27:27.473 [SPEAKER_00]: I was wanting to do an episode like this because I did want to speak more to, 27:28.735 --> 27:45.057 [SPEAKER_00]: how much I'm also still learning about my culture and like also for giving myself for, you know, maybe hiding that part of myself for a while and it's sad to say that it was maybe coming from a place of shame because there's obviously nothing to feel. 27:45.037 --> 27:47.000 [SPEAKER_00]: shameful about at all. 27:47.040 --> 27:54.453 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm working through that forgiveness because I was so young and obviously very, very impressionable. 27:54.473 --> 28:02.748 [SPEAKER_00]: I think a lot of kids just want to fit in and like I said while there was no forms of hate that I felt about it. 28:02.868 --> 28:07.095 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was more just like wanting to fit in and hiding and like 28:07.075 --> 28:37.082 [SPEAKER_00]: finding myself in an environment that maybe wasn't allowing it to feel so open, especially maybe like more in my elementary school days compared to high school, where I, once again like mentioned, I think in like the mid 2010s, like the 2010s era, there was so much more Indian music being influenced in like popular songs and it became something where people 28:37.062 --> 28:58.632 [SPEAKER_00]: Remember like being around some of my Indian friends who I did meet in Whitby and we would talk about like the foods we loved and how our parents were and there were things like that but I guess maybe deep down subconsciously like I wasn't even so sure about my own identity and I was kind of fitting into that white box in a way and my friend 29:00.080 --> 29:08.673 [SPEAKER_00]: had apologized to me about this, but I remember even being younger and she told me like per se, you're the whitest Indian girl I ever met. 29:08.733 --> 29:17.906 [SPEAKER_00]: And now that when I reflect back and think about it, it's like, okay, this wasn't even just like something I was feeling internally. 29:18.006 --> 29:21.471 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like this was the projection I was showcasing. 29:21.531 --> 29:26.138 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not something to be proud of, right? 29:26.118 --> 29:28.481 [SPEAKER_00]: Why is that something that I would ever want? 29:28.562 --> 29:47.348 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm Indian Canadian and I'm proud of that and I want to represent that part of myself because that part of myself is so sacred and it's something that I want to share with others because there is so much beauty to my culture and I can't wait to visit India one day. 29:47.408 --> 29:50.573 [SPEAKER_00]: That's also somewhere I've never ever been. 29:50.553 --> 29:55.738 [SPEAKER_00]: I've only heard the most beautiful things and I really, really need to make a trip out there. 29:55.778 --> 30:00.642 [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully sometime like even in the next year or so, like I would love to make a trip out there. 30:00.662 --> 30:07.308 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's really important for me and I really need to see where my parents grew up and how life was for them. 30:07.348 --> 30:11.612 [SPEAKER_00]: My parents moved to Canada when they were in their early 20s, early to mid 20s. 30:12.112 --> 30:20.560 [SPEAKER_00]: That is something I really need to do and I want to learn so much more. 30:20.540 --> 30:28.693 [SPEAKER_00]: There is so much I still need to learn and I want to kind of continue to unpack like 30:29.804 --> 30:43.998 [SPEAKER_00]: more about my growing up and how that did impact me in many ways, but I think I've gotten to a place now, especially like entering this new decade of being 30, where I want to like immerse myself as much as I can and continue to learn it. 30:44.038 --> 30:57.471 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm even doing that with cooking, things like that, like little things that I can even implement in my own home, living in Vancouver now and living with my partner, where we can learn about traditions and like celebrate them together on both sides. 30:58.151 --> 30:59.052 [SPEAKER_00]: So 30:59.032 --> 31:01.516 [SPEAKER_00]: I really appreciate you listening to this episode. 31:01.536 --> 31:09.809 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope it wasn't too much of a rambal, but I just wanted to be open and honest about my growing up experience. 31:09.909 --> 31:18.202 [SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, while I don't hold bad memories with my growing up experience, I do think that there was so much unlearning. 31:19.083 --> 31:26.575 [SPEAKER_00]: I had to do and definitely things that I was presenting to the world that were not so authentically me. 31:26.555 --> 31:33.189 [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, it's wild how much like your environment can really really have that type of effect on you. 31:34.271 --> 31:43.230 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I think it's really important to continue showing culture to kids and like, from all over the world and like, 31:43.885 --> 31:48.031 [SPEAKER_00]: you know showing like these are how other people live like these are traditions. 31:48.171 --> 31:53.319 [SPEAKER_00]: It's beautiful to celebrate those parts of ourselves because why would we all want to be the same? 31:53.559 --> 31:55.722 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that is so incredibly boring. 31:56.463 --> 32:03.193 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, I hope you all have a great night or day wherever you are and I will see you all next week.