WEBVTT 00:01.010 --> 00:04.977 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to another episode of the Girls Stop Plan podcast. 00:05.157 --> 00:06.920 [SPEAKER_00]: It's your favorite homegirl, Coriel. 00:07.381 --> 00:13.472 [SPEAKER_00]: Here to encourage you to stop playing with your potential and start working for what you want in life and in love. 00:14.053 --> 00:21.205 [SPEAKER_00]: You already know that I'm bringing you the inspiration and the conversations to help you make the money and get the money. 00:21.766 --> 00:25.212 [SPEAKER_00]: You can have it all as long as you are willing to work. 00:25.968 --> 00:35.370 [SPEAKER_00]: After a few weeks off for maternity leave, Yucca is finally back and I am officially a mommy of three. 00:35.831 --> 00:40.261 [SPEAKER_00]: And I almost cannot believe how fast life changes. 00:40.381 --> 00:41.243 [SPEAKER_00]: Now obviously, 00:41.662 --> 00:51.079 [SPEAKER_00]: When I recorded my last episode, I taught to y'all about the fact that I was going into labor, well, not going into labor because I did a schedule C section. 00:51.179 --> 01:00.295 [SPEAKER_00]: So I knew that I was going to be having my daughter on October 21st, and it's just wild that I'm back here. 01:00.275 --> 01:05.942 [SPEAKER_00]: five weeks later, literally today, she turned five weeks and life is just so different. 01:06.022 --> 01:24.544 [SPEAKER_00]: So because I re-released my two birth story episodes from my first two babies, I figured it would only be right to come on back from my first maternity leave, post maternity leave episode and catch y'all up. 01:25.233 --> 01:36.278 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're following me on Instagram, you know I've talked about my schedule c-sections, some of the benefits of it, and even on the part I've talked to y, I chose to do a schedule c-section this time around. 01:36.979 --> 01:40.828 [SPEAKER_00]: If you missed the last two episodes, I have literally experienced. 01:41.230 --> 01:55.286 [SPEAKER_00]: almost every possible birth experience that there is with my first son, I had a failed home birth, ended up being in labor after a failed induction for almost two days straight. 01:55.306 --> 01:58.193 [SPEAKER_00]: It was literally like 46 hours, only to end up 01:58.561 --> 02:04.328 [SPEAKER_00]: in the operating room having a sea section, which was the absolute last thing that I wanted to do. 02:05.170 --> 02:18.126 [SPEAKER_00]: To my second story, my second son, where I labored all day long at home, I was literally sitting in a bathtub, sitting on the toilet, just laboring at home on my own because I didn't want to run the risk of a sea section. 02:18.146 --> 02:24.855 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to run the risk of getting to the hospital too early and then there was time for some type of medical intervention. 02:25.156 --> 02:32.664 [SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever had a baby, then you don't like the longer you are at the hospital, the more likely they are going to intervene somehow. 02:32.684 --> 02:34.310 [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to suggest that you do something. 02:34.330 --> 02:36.398 [SPEAKER_00]: They're going to tell you that you need some type of procedure. 02:37.154 --> 02:39.918 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just not going to be a natural experience. 02:39.938 --> 02:50.773 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to be the experience that your body is prepared already, programmed already to naturally process through. 02:50.813 --> 02:57.022 [SPEAKER_00]: So I labored all day at home, went to the hospital like eight centimeters dilated, and then had my baby. 02:57.042 --> 03:01.489 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've had the experience where I just walked right into the hospital, get induced. 03:01.509 --> 03:05.895 [SPEAKER_00]: I've had the experience where I'm literally like screaming in the car on the way to the hospital. 03:06.145 --> 03:13.174 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm in labor when I get there and I've had this scheduled C-section experience which was completely different than the first two. 03:13.274 --> 03:35.562 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think for women, especially black women, especially millennial black women, I don't think that our elders, the older generations did that great of a job, at least not the ones that I'm connected to, get that great of a job of having these conversations with us, the unpopular conversations, the taboo conversations, 03:35.828 --> 03:38.472 [SPEAKER_00]: helping us be able to make informed decisions. 03:38.813 --> 03:52.074 [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to make sure that I am doing my part by sharing what I've been through, by sharing my lessons learned in hopes that I could save someone from struggling and stressing themselves out the way that I have. 03:53.095 --> 04:03.051 [SPEAKER_00]: So a couple of reasons why I absolutely enjoyed my schedule, see such an and very proud of the decision I made, 04:03.368 --> 04:06.460 [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, I had two other children. 04:06.520 --> 04:08.970 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had already had a two-year-old in a four-year-old. 04:09.151 --> 04:10.797 [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, I was going to have to make. 04:11.131 --> 04:36.379 [SPEAKER_00]: child care arrangements with my first two pregnancies because nothing was scheduled it was just you know we were kind of just waiting on labor to start and when you don't have you know family and town none of our parents live here they're all in Florida you need to be able to make plans we didn't have anybody that we could just call us hey I'm going into labor can you come by and keep the kids so scheduling the sea section definitely made it 04:37.051 --> 04:40.220 [SPEAKER_00]: super convenient to be able to plan ahead. 04:40.601 --> 04:43.048 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was one of the benefits. 04:43.208 --> 04:45.716 [SPEAKER_00]: I won't say that that's one of the reasons I chose this easy section. 04:45.776 --> 04:47.280 [SPEAKER_00]: You got to go back and listen to 04:47.733 --> 04:55.766 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's like three episodes ago when I, the episode is like pregnancy and big Libre energy. 04:55.806 --> 04:57.048 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the title of it. 04:57.068 --> 05:04.299 [SPEAKER_00]: But I talk about why I chose a schedule C section in that episode, but this is just me sharing the benefits on the other side of it. 05:04.359 --> 05:06.703 [SPEAKER_00]: So number one, I was able to properly plan. 05:06.763 --> 05:10.108 [SPEAKER_00]: We had childcare here and that was all set up. 05:10.128 --> 05:15.917 [SPEAKER_00]: That was one last thing that I had to stress myself out about. 05:16.268 --> 05:21.357 [SPEAKER_00]: was definitely another pro of choosing this schedule C section. 05:21.998 --> 05:25.024 [SPEAKER_00]: I told I was in labor for almost two days with my first. 05:25.204 --> 05:28.650 [SPEAKER_00]: That was a traumatic and terrible experience. 05:29.411 --> 05:35.883 [SPEAKER_00]: Being in labor, natural labor at home, obviously with no pay, medicine and dilating to eight centimeters. 05:36.003 --> 05:37.045 [SPEAKER_00]: That was less 05:37.565 --> 05:42.932 [SPEAKER_00]: traumatic honestly, but if I didn't have to sign up for that again, I didn't feel the need to do so. 05:43.373 --> 05:47.538 [SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't have to experience a long unpredictable labor. 05:47.598 --> 05:56.510 [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't have to worry about vaginal tearing, which I have said, time and time again, I am shouting it from the rooftops. 05:57.131 --> 06:02.778 [SPEAKER_00]: We do not hear enough horror stories about potentially tearing during vaginal birth. 06:02.798 --> 06:06.964 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we always talk about the downsides of having this surgery and we talk about 06:07.282 --> 06:31.612 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, the fact that they got to cut through seven layers of skin and all of this stuff with a C-section, but baby, I can only speak for myself, but I've talked about this on threads and I've seen hundreds, almost a thousand women responding about their vaginal tearing and I promise you that experience, that recovery was way worse than my C-section recovery. 06:32.032 --> 06:34.335 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was my experience this time as well. 06:34.484 --> 07:00.745 [SPEAKER_00]: So literally I had my sea section on a Tuesday, but Thursday I was feeling better and not even better I was feeling good like good enough to get a move around walk around feeling like myself versus the recovery after a vaginal tear And I don't even know what degree my tear was, but I do know that she was doing it took her longer to do my stitches After I tore than a day for me to have my baby like for for me to push 07:01.113 --> 07:06.221 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had pretty extensive tearing and my recovery was horrible. 07:07.083 --> 07:10.909 [SPEAKER_00]: I could not walk, I could not sit, I could not stand without being in pain. 07:10.969 --> 07:14.695 [SPEAKER_00]: It was just terrible and it was months that I felt that way. 07:14.856 --> 07:17.620 [SPEAKER_00]: So to feel better in literally 48 hours. 07:18.005 --> 07:21.693 [SPEAKER_00]: after having my C section, that was ideal for me. 07:21.873 --> 07:25.821 [SPEAKER_00]: So those are some of the benefits that I was able to see. 07:25.881 --> 07:30.330 [SPEAKER_00]: However, I definitely had some things that I was worried about. 07:30.451 --> 07:34.579 [SPEAKER_00]: So I told y'all about my pre-eclampsia that I developed. 07:34.559 --> 07:42.007 [SPEAKER_00]: with my first two pregnancies, pre-eclampsia is basically high blood pressure during pregnancy or during postpartum. 07:42.367 --> 07:44.790 [SPEAKER_00]: That has been my experience the first two times. 07:44.810 --> 07:50.056 [SPEAKER_00]: So the first time I ended up back in the hospital, they had to re-emit me and I was there for a week. 07:50.076 --> 07:53.319 [SPEAKER_00]: And so they could figure out what kind of medication I needed for my blood pressure. 07:53.379 --> 07:59.826 [SPEAKER_00]: The second pregnancy, I was, they didn't admit me, but I did have to go back and just get a prescription from my blood pressure. 07:59.946 --> 08:04.431 [SPEAKER_00]: And baby, because of those two experiences, 08:04.748 --> 08:06.511 [SPEAKER_00]: aspirin, which is what they recommend. 08:06.531 --> 08:13.905 [SPEAKER_00]: They recommend that you take baby aspirin every day for your entire pregnancy to reduce the chances of pre-eclampsia. 08:14.506 --> 08:25.626 [SPEAKER_00]: I literally started taking that baby Tylenol that baby aspirin the day I found out that I was pregnant this time because I wanted to do everything I could to avoid high blood pressure this time around. 08:26.315 --> 08:46.300 [SPEAKER_00]: It did not matter, it did not matter at all because sure enough, my blood pressure was fluctuating a little bit while I was in the hospital and so they all ready because of my first two pregnancy then because I went in there advocating for myself and telling them, I don't want to come back to this hospital, I don't want to be remitted like whatever we need to do while I'm here having this baby. 08:46.780 --> 08:49.203 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's do that so that I can avoid coming back. 08:49.664 --> 08:56.052 [SPEAKER_00]: So they went ahead and put 08:56.808 --> 08:59.752 [SPEAKER_00]: But a couple days later, maybe Monday. 08:59.832 --> 09:00.754 [SPEAKER_00]: No, Tuesday. 09:00.854 --> 09:02.115 [SPEAKER_00]: It was literally one week later. 09:02.196 --> 09:03.497 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had my baby on Tuesday. 09:03.517 --> 09:04.899 [SPEAKER_00]: I got discharged on Friday. 09:05.340 --> 09:17.176 [SPEAKER_00]: By that following Tuesday, my blood pressure was spiking, and I was literally back in the hospital, being re-admitted, because the medicine that they gave me was not working to stabilize my blood pressure. 09:18.799 --> 09:25.448 [SPEAKER_00]: Low and behold, apparently the reason why this medicine that worked the first two times wasn't working this time is because I had gained more weight. 09:25.883 --> 09:35.613 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, the weight that you are can dictate how well the medicine works, how long it stays in your system, all of those types of things. 09:35.633 --> 09:37.035 [SPEAKER_00]: So that medicine wasn't working anymore. 09:37.495 --> 09:46.925 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had to carry myself back to the hospital, which I did not want to do, but this time I kind of knew what to expect, because this is my third time at the rodeo, right? 09:46.965 --> 09:54.473 [SPEAKER_00]: So I get back to the hospital, they do admit me, but this time, my husband stayed and 09:54.740 --> 10:04.019 [SPEAKER_00]: So because of the treatment that they do, which is like this magnesium drip that you have to stay on for 24 hours, you cannot be alone with your baby. 10:04.380 --> 10:06.725 [SPEAKER_00]: So my first time, I didn't know it was going on. 10:06.765 --> 10:09.390 [SPEAKER_00]: My husband had to take the baby home and I was literally just like, 10:09.792 --> 10:14.023 [SPEAKER_00]: He would just bring him back up to see me every day at the hospital for that whole week that I was there. 10:14.544 --> 10:16.590 [SPEAKER_00]: This time, he stayed at the hospital. 10:16.690 --> 10:17.913 [SPEAKER_00]: My baby stayed at the hospital. 10:17.953 --> 10:23.949 [SPEAKER_00]: So it wasn't as bad on my mental health because I wasn't there feeling like a prisoner all by myself. 10:23.969 --> 10:24.831 [SPEAKER_00]: I at least had my. 10:25.132 --> 10:30.040 [SPEAKER_00]: husband and my baby by my side and I was able to get this charge like a day later. 10:30.080 --> 10:41.420 [SPEAKER_00]: So they did the 24 hour magnesium treatment, they tested a new medicine that worked better and then I was able to go home like Wednesday afternoon or something like that. 10:42.702 --> 10:48.692 [SPEAKER_00]: So unfortunately me trying to be in control of everything like I guess I always am. 10:49.077 --> 10:50.099 [SPEAKER_00]: did not work out. 10:50.640 --> 10:54.366 [SPEAKER_00]: This is another lesson in life is on life. 10:54.446 --> 10:57.492 [SPEAKER_00]: You can not control every circumstance. 10:57.973 --> 11:00.196 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes you just have to let things play out. 11:00.617 --> 11:04.504 [SPEAKER_00]: So unfortunately I did have pre-aclimity again, but it 11:04.872 --> 11:07.235 [SPEAKER_00]: has settled, you know, it's settling. 11:07.295 --> 11:08.817 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm five weeks postpartum now. 11:09.498 --> 11:15.065 [SPEAKER_00]: Usually around six weeks is when it's like back to normal and stabilized and I don't need the medication anymore. 11:16.327 --> 11:26.541 [SPEAKER_00]: The other thing that I was worried about that I was like Googling like crazy and asking in Facebook groups in regards to a schedule C section specifically was my milk supply. 11:27.642 --> 11:34.491 [SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't understand. 11:35.112 --> 12:03.263 [SPEAKER_00]: to come out because obviously my body didn't go into labor on his arm because we're scheduling you know this c-section I scheduled her birthday literally in like July like the summer I knew that I was going to be having a baby on October 21st and to me that just said well how does my baby know I mean how does my body know that I'm going to be having a baby on October 21st how will my milk start flowing that was a concern but prayerfully I did not have 12:03.665 --> 12:04.606 [SPEAKER_00]: any issues. 12:04.687 --> 12:07.531 [SPEAKER_00]: And I only did not have any issues with my milk supply. 12:07.571 --> 12:10.536 [SPEAKER_00]: It just came right on out as soon as she launched the first time. 12:11.517 --> 12:26.340 [SPEAKER_00]: My milk production, I don't want to say I'm overproducing, but I'm five weeks postpartum and I have like more than a thousand ounces of breast milk stashed in my freezer already and I've been feeding my baby multiple times a day every single day. 12:27.001 --> 12:31.107 [SPEAKER_00]: I do think though because I was so traumatized, 12:31.492 --> 12:34.636 [SPEAKER_00]: from my breastfeeding experience with my second son. 12:34.956 --> 12:42.465 [SPEAKER_00]: I was so intentional and strategic about nursing my baby being my number one priority. 12:42.505 --> 12:53.317 [SPEAKER_00]: Like this time, I told anybody who would listen, like the number one thing on my list, post part of them is to make sure my milk is flowing so that I can produce enough from my baby. 12:53.738 --> 12:59.845 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to do a whole another episode on like nursing and breastfeeding if you all are interested, 13:00.061 --> 13:03.525 [SPEAKER_00]: with a terrible plan with my second pregnancy. 13:03.545 --> 13:04.806 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was not gonna do that again. 13:04.866 --> 13:16.819 [SPEAKER_00]: So this time around that was like the most important thing for me, even when it came to me accepting this contract to do this virtual teaching, I'm like the only reason I'm really willing to do it is because I can do it from home. 13:17.160 --> 13:24.948 [SPEAKER_00]: My baby can stay home and I don't have to worry about having to pump milk and take her somewhere and all of that, I didn't wanna do that. 13:25.429 --> 13:30.034 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think because I was so intentional 13:30.385 --> 13:47.689 [SPEAKER_00]: This whole time that, I don't know, maybe my mental had something to do with what I have been able to produce, but I'm so, so proud and just blessed that I have been able to produce all that my baby needs and then some. 13:48.490 --> 13:55.620 [SPEAKER_00]: And because I know so many moms struggle within their saying, like, breastfeeding can be so terrible for your mental health. 13:55.820 --> 13:57.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be, 13:57.824 --> 14:02.286 [SPEAKER_00]: sharing some more content around that probably on social media. 14:02.306 --> 14:06.265 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe here on the pie we'll see if I get feedback that y'all. 14:06.498 --> 14:16.794 [SPEAKER_00]: are interested in that, but it's such a struggle to be able to feed your child from your body consistently if your mental health is not where it needs to be. 14:16.834 --> 14:24.906 [SPEAKER_00]: It can definitely drive you into a postpartum depression, which that even impacts your milk supply. 14:24.926 --> 14:32.117 [SPEAKER_00]: So it, it's just a journey that again, I feel like we do not talk enough about, we don't share enough. 14:32.603 --> 14:35.067 [SPEAKER_00]: about and so I want to be able to do that. 14:35.888 --> 14:44.743 [SPEAKER_00]: Going through this third pregnancy at 40, and now I feel like I'm kind of like a vet at this mom thing, even though my oldest is only 4. 14:44.763 --> 14:49.330 [SPEAKER_00]: There's just so much that I wish somebody would have told me or warned me about 14:49.681 --> 14:52.464 [SPEAKER_00]: that I want to be able to share with other people. 14:52.544 --> 14:57.450 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've really been planning out some informational content. 14:58.211 --> 15:09.144 [SPEAKER_00]: I might even, y'all, I have been being pulled to get on sub-stack to create a sub-stack for probably, I don't know, this entire year. 15:09.244 --> 15:11.106 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just kept fighting it, fighting it, fight it. 15:11.126 --> 15:12.448 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think I'm finally, 15:12.952 --> 15:26.349 [SPEAKER_00]: going to go ahead and bite the bullet and start a sub-stack so that I could share there because there's just so much that I have learned that I feel like God don't be put in me through this stuff just for me. 15:26.510 --> 15:34.680 [SPEAKER_00]: I really feel like I go through a lot so that I can give the gift of information that I wish I would have had when I was struggling. 15:36.743 --> 15:42.891 [SPEAKER_00]: Another thing that I just feel 15:42.938 --> 15:58.028 [SPEAKER_00]: I guess at the finish line so when I'm in the operating room literally and I hear my baby cry the tears just literally started flowing and I am not any emotional person at all like anybody who knows me will tell you 15:58.008 --> 16:10.791 [SPEAKER_00]: They same me cried ain't even too much same me, you know, complaining about my feelings being hurt like that's just not how I Handle my emotions and this ain't my first baby and with my first two. 16:10.992 --> 16:18.345 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't cry for either one of them jokers So I was not expecting that to be my experience, but it was 16:18.325 --> 16:19.546 [SPEAKER_00]: in voluntary. 16:19.627 --> 16:24.653 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like my spirit knew that I had just unlocked something. 16:24.693 --> 16:29.839 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like my soul knew that I had reached this new level. 16:29.999 --> 16:34.304 [SPEAKER_00]: And my entire pregnancy I felt like this is this one has been different. 16:34.945 --> 16:42.414 [SPEAKER_00]: I even did a podcast interview during my pregnancy where I talked about how it just had felt like such a spiritual experience. 16:42.454 --> 16:47.860 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean the day that I found out, even the 16:48.751 --> 16:53.183 [SPEAKER_00]: I was about to start this 14-day detox. 16:53.804 --> 16:58.697 [SPEAKER_00]: So it was literally a Sunday night I had plans to start the detox on Monday. 16:58.737 --> 17:03.891 [SPEAKER_00]: And something told me, it wasn't something, it was spirit, spirit told me. 17:04.175 --> 17:07.159 [SPEAKER_00]: Go check that box, go check the back of the box. 17:07.679 --> 17:16.670 [SPEAKER_00]: So I went and I checked the back of the detox box and it's like my eyeballs went straight to the part that said, not safe for pregnancy. 17:17.071 --> 17:20.555 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if your pregnant do not do this, do not take this. 17:21.056 --> 17:24.860 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was thinking, okay, spirit, but why? 17:24.900 --> 17:26.302 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, like why? 17:27.664 --> 17:33.591 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay, so my next immediate thought was take a pregnancy test. 17:34.027 --> 17:35.329 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, this was a Sunday night. 17:36.572 --> 17:42.804 [SPEAKER_00]: Monday is when I went and got the pregnancy tests and sure enough pregnant. 17:43.325 --> 17:49.256 [SPEAKER_00]: The moment those two lines popped up though, it's like spirit was whispered to me again. 17:49.396 --> 17:49.977 [SPEAKER_00]: It's your girl. 17:50.530 --> 17:52.874 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like the day that I found out I was pregnant. 17:52.914 --> 17:53.835 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew that it was a girl. 17:53.935 --> 17:54.937 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew it was my girl. 17:55.097 --> 17:55.658 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew it. 17:55.958 --> 17:56.619 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew it. 17:57.160 --> 17:59.965 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't explain how I knew, but I knew it. 18:00.465 --> 18:10.481 [SPEAKER_00]: To the point where when I told Kendrick that I was pregnant, literally part of me telling him was me saying, this is a girl, like this is our girl. 18:10.561 --> 18:11.162 [SPEAKER_00]: This is her. 18:11.843 --> 18:18.293 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we both were really, really convinced that it was a girl before I even, 18:18.695 --> 18:21.301 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, confirmed and did the blood tests and all of the things. 18:21.682 --> 18:31.647 [SPEAKER_00]: So I have already just been feeling like this has been a super spiritual pregnancy for me, which I guess all pregnancies are spiritual, especially when they're not playing. 18:31.667 --> 18:34.374 [SPEAKER_00]: None of my have been playing, but this one just felt different. 18:34.434 --> 18:35.657 [SPEAKER_00]: So for me to be laying, 18:36.245 --> 18:43.757 [SPEAKER_00]: on that operating table crying like that was so unexpected, but it definitely made sense. 18:43.837 --> 18:56.397 [SPEAKER_00]: I've shared with you all time and time again, y'all probably sick of me sharing about my mommy issues, the issues that I personally have with my own mother and how that has impacted my friendships, my relationships, me as a woman. 18:56.958 --> 19:01.746 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just impacted everything, and so I think subconsciously, 19:02.671 --> 19:28.172 [SPEAKER_00]: I had convinced myself that I did not want a daughter because I did not want to duplicate my experience as a daughter and it really took me a lot of soul work, of shadow work, of doing the dark dirty work to be able to even realize that and admit that that I have been telling myself that I didn't want a daughter. 19:28.675 --> 19:30.657 [SPEAKER_00]: knowing how much I love little girls. 19:30.697 --> 19:33.299 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, when I was a teacher, I literally taught the all-girl classroom. 19:33.319 --> 19:39.966 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I love little girls, but it was like something in me has subconsciously shut that down. 19:40.026 --> 19:45.451 [SPEAKER_00]: I had shut down the possibility of being a girl, mom, because of my own experience with my mom. 19:46.092 --> 19:58.243 [SPEAKER_00]: And I finally felt like the work that I've done, the tough conversations that I've had, the therapy, that I've done, the books that I've read, 19:58.443 --> 20:22.037 [SPEAKER_00]: allowed me to get to this place where I could not only admit that I did what my daughter but for her to just show up for it to be divine for me to have literally said okay if I don't have another baby before I turn 40 I'm a hang it up I'm not doing it so to literally have her 20 days after my 40th birthday unexpected unplanned unprovoked it was just like wow it was 20:22.338 --> 20:26.530 [SPEAKER_00]: confirmation that the work that I've done is not just for me. 20:26.710 --> 20:31.945 [SPEAKER_00]: It's literally generational healing that I have been working toward. 20:32.547 --> 20:35.054 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not unique in my family. 20:35.154 --> 20:38.102 [SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, you know, me and my mom have a strange relationship. 20:38.605 --> 20:41.029 [SPEAKER_00]: My sister and my mom have a strange relationship. 20:41.109 --> 20:44.313 [SPEAKER_00]: My mom and her mom had a strange relationship. 20:44.393 --> 20:47.418 [SPEAKER_00]: My mom and me and my sister have a strange relationship. 20:47.438 --> 20:49.721 [SPEAKER_00]: My mom and her sisters have a strange relationship. 20:50.042 --> 20:52.666 [SPEAKER_00]: My grandmother and her sisters had a strange relationship. 20:52.686 --> 20:56.772 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's not just me, you know, and it's not just my family. 20:56.812 --> 21:02.720 [SPEAKER_00]: I know, unfortunately, this is an issue in a lot of black families where we have these mother wounds. 21:02.760 --> 21:07.347 [SPEAKER_00]: We have these sibling wounds. 21:08.153 --> 21:18.983 [SPEAKER_00]: step in a new direction, in a new direction for an entire lineage of women who have not been nurtured by their mothers. 21:19.103 --> 21:31.555 [SPEAKER_00]: And so for me to have the honor to guide this little girl and to give her the mother-daughter relationship that I wish I could have experienced like that is spiritual. 21:31.675 --> 21:34.137 [SPEAKER_00]: That makes me emotional. 21:34.217 --> 21:35.258 [SPEAKER_00]: And so 21:35.558 --> 21:40.685 [SPEAKER_00]: to have had those tears just start flowing down my face uncontrollably. 21:41.206 --> 21:50.600 [SPEAKER_00]: I felt like that was my body releasing all of that tension, all of that fear, all of those doubts of like, can I do this? 21:50.660 --> 21:51.641 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I cut out for this? 21:51.741 --> 21:56.628 [SPEAKER_00]: Can I be a nurturing girl mom because I didn't come from one? 21:57.470 --> 22:04.620 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I am just so excited to see how this is going to play out. 22:05.208 --> 22:10.594 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, just honored at the growth that I've already experienced, like, 22:11.013 --> 22:13.376 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just something different about this little girl. 22:13.537 --> 22:22.149 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we always see the post about boy moms, like when you have your first son and you're like, I've never experienced a love like this, that's how I feel about her. 22:22.810 --> 22:25.634 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, Kendrick keeps telling me, you just won't put that baby down. 22:26.135 --> 22:33.826 [SPEAKER_00]: This was different, you know, he's even saying it, like this was different, that you were not acting like this the first two times and I'm like, I know it's something about her. 22:33.886 --> 22:35.969 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like when I look in her face, I see me. 22:36.470 --> 22:39.214 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I see the little girl who deserved, 22:39.633 --> 22:42.916 [SPEAKER_00]: so much more than what, you know, than what she was dealt. 22:43.036 --> 22:47.841 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's just something, it's just something. 22:47.981 --> 22:49.182 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is. 22:49.262 --> 22:56.929 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how to properly describe it, but it truly, it feels like a blessing. 22:58.170 --> 23:06.298 [SPEAKER_00]: The biggest blessing of my life to be able to provide for someone else, what I wish someone had provided for me. 23:06.903 --> 23:08.950 [SPEAKER_00]: I am doing well. 23:09.010 --> 23:12.322 [SPEAKER_00]: My baby is doing well if you haven't seen her little sweet face. 23:13.024 --> 23:16.255 [SPEAKER_00]: Go on my Instagram at Corrio and check her out. 23:17.062 --> 23:21.187 [SPEAKER_00]: the last thing that I wanted to share, though, to kind of wrap this up in a bow. 23:21.888 --> 23:31.319 [SPEAKER_00]: As I think about the fact that I had for years convinced myself that I didn't want a daughter, but that I didn't care. 23:31.720 --> 23:38.648 [SPEAKER_00]: So anybody who asked me, I wouldn't be like, I don't want no girl, but I would always say things like, I don't know if I'm ready for that or 23:38.628 --> 23:46.441 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I want to have these two boys first and then, you know, when I'm a little older, maybe I'll be ready to have a girl, but there was a lot of fear around it. 23:46.601 --> 23:58.100 [SPEAKER_00]: There was a lot of fear around it, and so I had literally convinced myself that this thing that I didn't just want, but I needed to transition into being this girl mom. 23:58.181 --> 24:03.910 [SPEAKER_00]: It's softened me in ways that I can't even explain already just five in just five weeks. 24:04.447 --> 24:14.321 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I know that this experience of being her mom is spiritual, it's not just for me, it's not just for her, like it is a generational thing. 24:14.342 --> 24:29.003 [SPEAKER_00]: And it makes me think about how many other times I've convinced myself that I didn't want something or that I didn't deserve something or that I couldn't do something because of these other subconscious fears. 24:29.422 --> 24:30.063 [SPEAKER_00]: and doubts. 24:30.684 --> 24:56.560 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I want to ask you, I would love to invite you to think about any time that you have finally gotten something that you had convinced yourself that you didn't want or didn't need and the feeling what you experienced was just so unexpected because for me to get this little girl and feel like she has completed the puzzle after literally convincing myself that I didn't need it that it was 24:56.911 --> 24:59.719 [SPEAKER_00]: I'd be good without it that maybe it's just not for me. 25:00.401 --> 25:10.448 [SPEAKER_00]: I could have literally just rode off into the sunset with that same lack mindset and limiting belief that I wasn't cut out to be a girl mom. 25:10.732 --> 25:17.141 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would have robbed myself from the most rich experience that I've had so far. 25:17.601 --> 25:35.085 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I want you to just think about if there's ever been any time in your life or even if you might be doing it right now where you've subconsciously convinced yourself that you don't want something or you don't need something or you're not deserving of something or you're not the one to do that thing or you're not cut out to 25:35.335 --> 25:45.829 [SPEAKER_00]: be the leader or to experience, whatever it is that you know deep down inside your soul, your spirit has been longing for, it's been wanting. 25:47.131 --> 25:59.368 [SPEAKER_00]: And think about how much you are hindering yourself and how much your future self and the future generations, your lineage, how much you could be 26:00.344 --> 26:09.156 [SPEAKER_00]: suffering or struggling because you simply will not accept the blessings that God has just for you. 26:09.176 --> 26:26.318 [SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm not the only one who has gone down the laundry list in my head of all the reasons why this thing is not for me, why this won't work out, why I should just let this thought go, why I should just forget the idea that I can do this thing and you will literally 26:26.720 --> 26:37.373 [SPEAKER_00]: and looking back over your life, feeling like you've missed out, because you did it allow yourself to manifest the thing that God literally had for you. 26:38.374 --> 26:40.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you are feeling inspired. 26:41.818 --> 26:43.800 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you hear my little sweet face snoring there. 26:45.923 --> 26:47.905 [SPEAKER_00]: Little says it's over here sleeping good, okay? 26:48.405 --> 26:50.368 [SPEAKER_00]: But I hope that you are feeling encouraged. 26:50.548 --> 26:54.853 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you are feeling the love that you deserve. 26:55.002 --> 27:02.228 [SPEAKER_00]: and I appreciate all of your support, all of your well wishes, all of your kind words, and I will catch you on the next episode.