[SPEAKER_01]: This is the Jockel Underground podcast number 190 sitting here with Echo Trolls.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have some questions from you with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: We will do our best to provide guidance, courses of actions, possibly, in some cases, actual answers to.
[SPEAKER_01]: Actual answers.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get to it.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
[SPEAKER_01]: First question.
[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of a scenario.
[SPEAKER_00]: here, friendship scenario, all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, Jocco.
[SPEAKER_00]: Six months ago, I got married and my best man and I have not spoken since.
[SPEAKER_00]: After the wedding was finished, she started an argument with my new wife about how a bride's maid's partner was invited, the bride's maid is his ex.
[SPEAKER_00]: However, we asked him beforehand.
[SPEAKER_00]: What's a bride's maid's partner?
[SPEAKER_00]: So a partner meaning like boyfriend girlfriend, girlfriend,
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
[SPEAKER_00]: We used to be dating this dude who is the groom's best friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: Seems same.
[SPEAKER_00]: So basically this couple one is the bridesmaid one is the groom's best friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they broke up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Boom, wedding goes down.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hmm.
[SPEAKER_00]: Seems same.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the scenario he's talking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: So after the wedding was finished he started an argument with my new wife about how a bridesmaid's partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: Was invited the bride's maid is his name.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have he saw I just said yeah, I did a heavy sigh Yeah, and that is part of my answer.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, but just noted
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: However, we asked him beforehand if he was comfortable with this and he said he was.
[SPEAKER_00]: His new part too heavy so I was okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: His new partner was also invited.
[SPEAKER_00]: So his new girlfriend was also invited but couldn't make it.
[SPEAKER_00]: He apologized to my wife the next day through text but then after the apology argued that it wasn't confirmed about the
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't make contact with him after all this and waited for him to reach out he didn't until a couple until a couple weeks ago This was all six months ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, so a couple weeks ago the mutual friends birthday and my birthday came up I agreed to go As my best man who I haven't spoken to wasn't going Then he contacted this mutual friend that he wanted to go and I said I would not attend Because it would be awkward Long story short
[SPEAKER_00]: The mutual friend told my best friend, not to attend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then a couple days later he texted me.
[SPEAKER_00]: He said, sorry about everything, and he just wanted to wish me a happy birthday.
[SPEAKER_00]: This was two days after my actual birthday.
[SPEAKER_00]: The text just seemed very hollow.
[SPEAKER_00]: And had he reached out at any other point previously.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would have happily accepted it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would happily have repaired the relationship, but to me, he just seemed selfish and I didn't respond.
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I in the wrong?
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel he doesn't value me as a friend, due to all this happening, and I don't think I'm interested in a reconciliation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Any input or words of wisdom would be much appreciated.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I've been training the jujuts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, there we go, thanks to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, input and words of wisdom.
[SPEAKER_01]: keep training due to that would definitely focus more on due to you've been out for two years you know two years critical time you gotta talk about that right because that two-year mark you know you're starting to get good maybe you already got your blue belt right and but you're maybe you're thinking like man I think I kind of deserve my purple belt you probably don't have for two years but you know you're feeling good you're catching pretty much all the blue belts you know what I'm saying but the British probably wanted to
[SPEAKER_01]: but then there's the other ones that are more challenging for you and you're kind of, but you know what we're gonna tell you or say don't focus on the belt, just focus on the process, keep training, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I would do in this situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I understand what you mean.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't understand?
[SPEAKER_01]: And just because listen, two years is a good amount of time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Good amount of time?
[SPEAKER_01]: And there are a lot of people that quit after they get their boot belt.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a big step.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's true.
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you are still training, you got your boot belt.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say you get your boot belt in a year.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that reasonable?
[SPEAKER_00]: One year is reasonable if you're competing in training in hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's reasonable, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yes, really.
[SPEAKER_00]: Realistically.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's realistic.
[SPEAKER_01]: You were assuming that you got your boot belt in a year.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you're training.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're training or assuming hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: But even if you're not, you're probably six months away.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if you were training three times a week, you could probably get your blue belt in a year, year and a half.
[SPEAKER_01]: Year and a half, year and a half, year and a half.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're there.
[SPEAKER_01]: We hope you're a blue belt right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a blue belt, like I said, it's pretty easy to get focused on other things.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's attractive.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes there can be drama, like even in due to there can be drama, but we don't do drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not part of our jam.
[SPEAKER_01]: So there might be someone in your academy.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like, doesn't, you think they're avoiding rolling with you or when they roll with you, they spas out and you can get caught up in that or you can be like, oh, the person doesn't want to roll.
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't roll them.
[SPEAKER_01]: No big deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or there might be someone that's like a brown belt that kind of beats you up sometimes and you think to take it personally and you're like, I don't think I want to roll with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, don't roll them.
[SPEAKER_01]: If that's concerning you a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: So are you saying that the most significant part of this question?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that last to you, it's a part?
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, he's been trained just between this.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think this is the kind of thing that, you know, when you look at your world, because you didn't really talk about what he does for work.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're not going to apply to work, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: We can't, he has not any leadership, because there's no leadership questions in here about interacting with his boss, his peers, his subordinates.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's no financial drama that's going on.
[SPEAKER_01]: Really, this is a question about Jiu-Jitsu, the way I read it.
[SPEAKER_01]: The way you read it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we read this?
[SPEAKER_01]: I see as a Jiu-Jitsu question.
[SPEAKER_01]: So he's been training Jiu-Jitsu for two years, and we're just giving some, he wanted a device, words of wisdom.
[SPEAKER_01]: So my advice, words of wisdom are, of course, keep training.
[SPEAKER_01]: Training with people that are a little bit better than you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think this is something that I could have done better with my whole Jiu-Jitsu career.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is training with people that are better than you?
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I always did, but also, training with people that are equal to you and even with people that are worse than you.
[SPEAKER_01]: As much as that kind of You feel like it's not as rewarding right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're avoiding the iron sharpens.
[SPEAKER_00]: I Yeah, but you got it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a train to your work on your defense with the good people You work on your both offense and defense with someone that's equivalent to you and you work on your offense with someone that's not as good as you
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's how you're developing all aspects of your game.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what we're doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: He did mention wreck reconciling a friendship that was half, according to him half attempted, they meant, you know, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that sounds like it's a lot of drama wrapped up in this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: We got parties and birthday parties and brides made to stuff like this.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not my area of expertise, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if there's someone that is like inviting me to a party, if I want to go to a go, if I don't want to go, I don't go.
[SPEAKER_01]: If the person that's supposed to be there doesn't want to go, because I'm there, and they don't want me to go then rather than I won't go, I don't really care.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to have a piece of cake, we're going to have a mulk cookie, I got mulk cookies at home and mulk by the way, and I won't be bothering anybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, it sounds like maybe, it sounds like the best man might be a lot of drama, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're allowing yourself to be wrapped up in this kind of drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: In this situation, I would just kind of ease away from the best man type guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't make a big deal out of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: When you when you make a big deal out of something like if you call him up to add and appreciate the way you pop and now we've spat's going on he's gonna be talking behind you back and all that stuff He said he just go alcohol
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, um, oh, do you said happy birthday to me two days?
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I, I, I, I appreciate it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Good.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it, man.
[SPEAKER_01]: Not, you know, your two days.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, we're, we're, we're, we're extinguishing.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're, we're letting, we're taking the oxygen away from this drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not going to feed the drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're just going to let the drama, like, consume itself over there by its own.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to be over here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thinking about GJ2 and you got married.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, bro.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got me, you're married.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like why are you concerned about this?
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a wife.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got kids on the way, most likely it's six months.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got the pride a few more months to your first kids coming, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, again, assumption, but we're active in the game, so that's what I would do.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, sounds like the guys kind of naturally drifting away from you and I would just let it naturally drift away.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't cause any more drama.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't any fuel to the fire.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would be polite and I would carry on and I would let it run its course.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because its course is headed that you two are are going to be a little bit more distant.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's fine, because it sounds like he's got a lot of drama and emotion and stuff like that and you don't want to be wrapped up in that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Even thinking about the tech-seeming hall.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hope that the techs broke.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we can't get wrapped up around stuff like this.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're a married dude with, you know, a wife.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got important things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jobs.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you, Jitsu?
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not thinking about this kind of stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I in the wrong or is this justified?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's you're in the wrong for thinking about this kind of thing and kind of, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I get it dude.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're kind of, you know, you know, the guy with your best man so clearly he had some level of vibe.
[SPEAKER_01]: Connection to you you guess went through you guess both were on the wrestling team or whatever together and now you've grown up a little bit or you know You know, but it's gonna drift apart.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the way it is no factor.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't worry about it I wouldn't worry about it, man.
[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't value me as a friend, bro
[SPEAKER_01]: If that's what's going on, cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, hey man, no factor.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the way people are.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the kind of the way of the, the way of the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes people just don't value, it's no big deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just don't hold against him.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's, you know, he's got his own thing on on.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's got his, he goes, he's got his personality.
[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't recognize how good of a friend you are.
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course not.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the way people are.
[SPEAKER_01]: No big deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hold it against him.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I got, man.
[SPEAKER_00]: Makes sense.
[SPEAKER_00]: Overall at the only reason that I've might feel a little bit different a little bit more How should I say involved not involved, but you know invested in that scene Okay, this probably the good place for echo tross of chime in with relationship male on male relationship connections
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I thought, because, well, now I will say, I don't know the whole relationship, whatever, but we do know that this guy was the best man, so it's obviously something.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not nothing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like just some dude that, you know, whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: And all's in the spirit of extreme ownership, something I had learned a few years ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, uh, if he didn't say sorry, he texted, reached out and said,
[SPEAKER_00]: Be cool, then we're good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bare forgiven.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're sorry, Frank.
[SPEAKER_00]: Call him up, be late.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bare forgiven, what up?
[SPEAKER_00]: Where are we at?
[SPEAKER_00]: What's been going on?
[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of a thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: He said, sorry, take it for what it is, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole, um...
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm saying if it's is for which it is, I mean, all these feelings to me are justified, look, is it behavior justified?
[SPEAKER_00]: No, not necessarily, but he said sorry for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying, like Brad, if someone feels like the main thing that's going to make a person feel uncomfortable is going to be another person.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's like the number one thing on the list.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what else can make, I mean, what, maybe like a wild animal or something like this?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm just saying in everyday life like so for someone if you uncomfortable that their X is there or You know that by that makes sense to have those feelings like said doesn't justify behavior, but he said sorry for that So you can start letting stuff slide now.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is just my opinion But I believe that it makes sense someone wishes you happy birthday and it's two days late and you're
[SPEAKER_00]: salty about it being two days late.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's your problem, though.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's not bro, even if you expect anyone to say happy birthday to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like probably it's it is not a happy birthday to him.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like I'll be on the echelon front a group text group.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like 14 people will say happy birthday Dave Burke, you know, and at the end, I'll be like,
[SPEAKER_01]: There was no way I would, there was no way I would inherently by myself, text, Dave Burke, or you, or anyone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Haco, happy birthday, bro.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hope you have a great day.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: See how you laughed right there?
[SPEAKER_00]: You do it as a joke.
[SPEAKER_00]: You'd be like happy birthday and then like an hour later be like, I hope you died today or something like it seems And that's a non-factor.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is I think and I agree with that not everyone does and I get it, but I agree like after about maybe 10 or 10 or 11 years 10 years old really you're 11th birthday is a non-factor for the rest of your life Yeah, well 16 good you get your driver's license You're a grown one if you're a girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sure, but if you're not a girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sorry, bro
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, yeah, it's a cool day, but I'm saying to say it's a big deal when you turn 16, you get your drivers, that's a big deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm not talking about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't celebrate it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about going all like, you're correct.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm not talking about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about somebody wishing you happy birthday, which is exactly what this is.
[SPEAKER_01]: When you turn 18 days, they finally joined the military without your parents consent.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man, you can totally go.
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole deal, bro.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but if you're salty because someone missed the day by two days or 48 hours or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: None of this text should have came 48 hours ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and therefore this text is null and void and actually it's an offense to my sensibility.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a pretty good, uh, like, like, uh, what do they call that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Mental drill to go through is like, if I were to express my feelings to this individual about what they did, how would they sound?
[SPEAKER_01]: But the problem is that sometimes people who think they would sound good, you know, well, it was 48 hours You know, that's 48 hours worth of my suffering, right that I didn't know that you wanted me to have a happy birthday Exactly right what what what chocolate says you can't you can't get a workout back.
[SPEAKER_01]: How am I supposed to have a good day when it already got plus bro?
[SPEAKER_01]: You tried to bless me with a happy birthday, but it was already two days ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's gone.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't ever get that day back Exactly right happy birthday from from you is not happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hollow.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hollow quote I'm quote what kind of world do we live in where people are just wishing happy birthdays to me on days that ain't my happy birthday I go happy birthday exactly right same saying it's nothing means absolutely nothing.
[SPEAKER_00]: What is your birthday?
[SPEAKER_00]: Fucking doesn't matter.
[SPEAKER_00]: This year sometime.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm worried right there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've ever heard that None of the last minute from the bottom of my heart and let I mean it's a fun exercise I get it, but it's actually true.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think anyway like if you're like for real saying hey It was hollow because it wasn't on my real birthday and all this stuff unless you suspect that he did it on purpose, which I mean I don't there's no indication to that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think but That is a non-factor
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's kind of like a bad move to start doing that, you know, like a signing like malice to like freaking some tardiness or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think there's no fact I think he says he said sorry if that's your friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously was best man scenario He said sorry and then you're saying no not good enough under what circums a wise end not good
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I would just say this and again, you know, like if we have we're talking about this kind of thing Then you're not my best man, and I don't want you to be my best man, and I wouldn't be your best man if you were telling me You know what I said, but there's this a lot You know, I I would not talk to people for you So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocco underground podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you want to continue to listen
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