WEBVTT 00:02.292 --> 00:11.104 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the intentional fatherhood podcast where we give you a strong biblical framework and lots of practical ideas on how to live intentionally as a father and a husband. 00:11.124 --> 00:21.117 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm Brooke Moser and I'm Justin Whitmore Early and we're your host to guide you through the many roles and challenges that God is calling you to to live intentionally as a father. 00:21.577 --> 00:29.548 [SPEAKER_03]: We're following a visual framework that you can check out at intentionalfatherhood.org and it's going to help you break down fatherhood into eight columns. 00:29.528 --> 00:39.486 [SPEAKER_00]: And in each one, we're going to talk about how God made you to be a father and what practical habits you can start trying today in order to live intentionally into that home. 00:39.506 --> 00:44.314 [SPEAKER_03]: So come along with us as we follow Jesus on this journey towards being more intentional fathers. 00:48.175 --> 00:50.337 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the intentional fatherhood podcast. 00:50.417 --> 00:54.021 [SPEAKER_00]: We are here, Justin and I, the final episode of the season. 00:54.081 --> 00:54.702 [SPEAKER_00]: We have made it. 00:54.802 --> 01:02.690 [SPEAKER_00]: If you stuck in this long, we just want to say thank you so much for joining us in this journey and the framework of this season. 01:03.030 --> 01:12.300 [SPEAKER_00]: And your fatherhood, Lord willing, and our prayers that it is blessed by this content and the conversations that don't really creates in your home, we just got to say it. 01:12.440 --> 01:14.923 [SPEAKER_00]: You got questions, and we have responses, not answers. 01:14.983 --> 01:17.085 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have answers, everything, but we have responses. 01:17.065 --> 01:20.730 [SPEAKER_03]: Brooke taught me that Q&A should be Q&R. 01:21.391 --> 01:22.873 [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm still debating, I think I like it. 01:24.035 --> 01:28.962 [SPEAKER_03]: We don't necessarily have an answer for everything, but we can respond to anything. 01:29.042 --> 01:37.475 [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason I say that around the topic of parenting and marriage and fatherhood is because it's so nuanced. 01:38.115 --> 01:43.343 [SPEAKER_00]: And an answer for me not might not be actually helpful for you, depending upon your situation, kids' dynamics. 01:43.323 --> 01:44.404 [SPEAKER_00]: That's where that comes in. 01:45.506 --> 01:53.136 [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, if you have a question, all you got to do is send a woman of voice memo with your name, where you're from, to hello at intentionalfatherhood.org. 01:53.216 --> 01:57.582 [SPEAKER_00]: We would love to get the questions for this season and we're going to respond just like we did with season one. 01:57.702 --> 02:00.907 [SPEAKER_03]: We really love to deploy your voice memo on air and respond to it. 02:01.247 --> 02:01.928 [SPEAKER_00]: It was so fun. 02:02.148 --> 02:03.390 [SPEAKER_00]: That was so fun responding to it. 02:03.742 --> 02:04.062 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 02:04.083 --> 02:05.244 [SPEAKER_00]: No, I love doing it. 02:05.344 --> 02:06.166 [SPEAKER_00]: I love hearing people. 02:06.186 --> 02:08.249 [SPEAKER_00]: And then all of our community, you know what I say? 02:08.469 --> 02:11.053 [SPEAKER_00]: Please just rate that's pushing the button. 02:11.614 --> 02:12.075 [SPEAKER_00]: Subscribe. 02:12.115 --> 02:13.016 [SPEAKER_00]: That's also pushing the button. 02:13.056 --> 02:14.378 [SPEAKER_00]: These things take at least three seconds. 02:15.780 --> 02:18.485 [SPEAKER_00]: I would say a comment a little bit more, but not much more. 02:18.625 --> 02:20.648 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, pretty much 30 seconds maybe. 02:20.708 --> 02:22.972 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I'm going to say it costs you almost nothing. 02:23.292 --> 02:23.532 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 02:23.552 --> 02:25.535 [SPEAKER_03]: And it gives listeners so much. 02:25.716 --> 02:25.936 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 02:25.996 --> 02:27.018 [SPEAKER_03]: Because then they hear about it. 02:27.739 --> 02:28.500 [SPEAKER_00]: And then they listen. 02:28.480 --> 02:29.801 [SPEAKER_00]: So do that, please. 02:29.821 --> 02:37.450 [SPEAKER_00]: And then social media at intentional fatherhood underscore and then obviously you can follow Justin or myself or all the different various things that we do. 02:37.590 --> 02:38.991 [SPEAKER_00]: So please do that. 02:39.592 --> 02:49.703 [SPEAKER_00]: Today we are wrapping up season two of the podcast and we are on the topic as you've heard last episode giving our deaths away. 02:49.743 --> 02:51.785 [SPEAKER_00]: And we talked a lot of concepts. 02:51.846 --> 02:54.869 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that conversation, I don't know about you just right? 02:54.889 --> 02:57.311 [SPEAKER_03]: I think we know really enjoyed our last one. 02:57.331 --> 02:57.812 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 02:57.792 --> 02:58.333 [SPEAKER_00]: I did too. 02:58.353 --> 03:00.937 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is really an an extenduation of the last. 03:01.157 --> 03:05.804 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and I want, but to be fair, different as well, and highly practical. 03:05.864 --> 03:08.688 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is not repeated content as per usual. 03:08.889 --> 03:10.631 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, no, yes, no, okay. 03:10.651 --> 03:13.195 [SPEAKER_00]: We would we would never do that. 03:13.215 --> 03:13.796 [SPEAKER_00]: We would hate that. 03:14.217 --> 03:21.347 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but that said, I think we want to get to a place where we're talking about a big word that we need to break down what it means. 03:21.387 --> 03:22.389 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the word legacy. 03:22.429 --> 03:25.133 [SPEAKER_00]: So, um, Justin, why don't you start us today? 03:25.298 --> 03:25.598 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 03:26.079 --> 03:30.305 [SPEAKER_03]: This is one of the things that we get the most questions on. 03:30.986 --> 03:35.352 [SPEAKER_03]: It's actually one of things that I get the most questions on, and it's almost always from men, it's almost always from fathers. 03:36.093 --> 03:41.541 [SPEAKER_03]: They're thinking about legacy, at least the ones who are thinking are, which I love. 03:41.862 --> 03:47.630 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, if you're thinking about legacy, you're on the right track, and a lot of us are wondering and have a lot of questions about it. 03:48.171 --> 03:51.355 [SPEAKER_03]: If you're not thinking about legacy, you're not on the right track. 03:51.375 --> 03:52.717 [SPEAKER_03]: Like you need to think about it. 03:52.757 --> 03:54.580 [SPEAKER_03]: You do need to think 03:54.560 --> 04:05.657 [SPEAKER_03]: I think the common thing here is we have more questions than answers, lots of dads, including myself, want to know what are other people doing to leave a legacy for their kids. 04:06.217 --> 04:12.687 [SPEAKER_03]: And so we want to honor that question best as we can by giving you as many ideas as we can. 04:12.667 --> 04:17.011 [SPEAKER_03]: with all humility of what we caviated last episode. 04:17.631 --> 04:20.214 [SPEAKER_03]: And that is that, you know, we're 39 and 40. 04:20.254 --> 04:25.518 [SPEAKER_03]: And we're in the smack middle of this giving your life away stage. 04:25.539 --> 04:28.942 [SPEAKER_03]: We're trying to practice for and start and think about giving our death away. 04:29.662 --> 04:32.725 [SPEAKER_03]: But that means you're at the right time to start thinking about this. 04:32.925 --> 04:33.406 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 04:34.026 --> 04:36.348 [SPEAKER_03]: The the next season is too late to think about this. 04:36.408 --> 04:40.632 [SPEAKER_03]: So right now, we actually we were mentioning this. 04:41.759 --> 04:43.321 [SPEAKER_03]: when I think we are at launch, I can't remember. 04:43.862 --> 04:46.867 [SPEAKER_03]: But our kids think that we're old now, right? 04:47.208 --> 04:51.735 [SPEAKER_03]: So they think they are looking at what they perceive and older men to be. 04:51.835 --> 04:53.137 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, do my kids call me old now? 04:53.157 --> 04:53.257 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 04:53.578 --> 04:55.300 [SPEAKER_03]: And when they get older, they'll realize, oh my gosh. 04:55.941 --> 04:57.524 [SPEAKER_03]: My dad was young when he was parenting me. 04:57.864 --> 05:00.148 [SPEAKER_03]: But we are like a seat to them now. 05:00.769 --> 05:03.033 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I think about this all the time. 05:03.734 --> 05:08.982 [SPEAKER_03]: Somebody wants to remind me, your kids see you as the expert in everything. 05:08.962 --> 05:14.964 [SPEAKER_03]: When they're young, before they're adolescents, and they see you as the expert and nothing, as we mentioned. 05:15.887 --> 05:18.938 [SPEAKER_03]: So now is the time where you can start to really think about. 05:19.593 --> 05:21.397 [SPEAKER_03]: What are the lessons I want to pass on? 05:21.417 --> 05:22.960 [SPEAKER_03]: What are the key family maximums? 05:23.020 --> 05:31.657 [SPEAKER_03]: What is the vision of the early family, or the Moser family, what are the big spiritual concepts that we say this are family as for me and my household? 05:32.078 --> 05:33.801 [SPEAKER_03]: We will serve the Lord. 05:33.861 --> 05:36.326 [SPEAKER_03]: We do this 24 or 15, baby. 05:36.346 --> 05:40.234 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, this is tradition, this is legacy. 05:40.214 --> 05:48.008 [SPEAKER_03]: And I have found it very helpful to frame this conversation in terms of initiations. 05:48.730 --> 05:51.455 [SPEAKER_03]: Now, that's a male initiations rituals. 05:51.875 --> 05:56.063 [SPEAKER_03]: This is because I'm thinking a lot about raising boys and turning them into men. 05:56.043 --> 06:02.530 [SPEAKER_03]: This is not limited to a boy conversation though, but it is particularly relevant to a male conversation and we're mostly talking to fathers here. 06:03.431 --> 06:11.159 [SPEAKER_03]: We desperately need to be initiated into the next stage by the man ahead of us that are in that stage. 06:12.521 --> 06:19.969 [SPEAKER_03]: We desperately need to be called forward, and whether or not we were, we need to become the kind of men who do that for our sons and for our daughters. 06:20.689 --> 06:25.054 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is what I think is really neat about the legacy and initiation conversation. 06:25.034 --> 06:33.126 [SPEAKER_03]: is that it ties this season, it ties these stages together because like just think of right now how we're talking. 06:33.627 --> 06:36.451 [SPEAKER_03]: We're smack in the middle of the give your life away stage. 06:36.571 --> 06:39.115 [SPEAKER_03]: We're learning how to sacrifice, we're learning how to be there for our family. 06:39.135 --> 06:42.199 [SPEAKER_03]: We're learning that that is sanctifying and making us more like Christ. 06:43.411 --> 06:49.479 [SPEAKER_03]: Part of that is starting to prepare for the give-your-death away stage as we've been thinking about in the last episode. 06:49.499 --> 06:53.504 [SPEAKER_03]: Was it look like to start to think in terms of life as time bound? 06:53.524 --> 06:55.567 [SPEAKER_03]: I won't have forever what lessons do I want to leave? 06:55.607 --> 07:08.002 [SPEAKER_03]: A great way to do that is to be doing initiation for your kids, which is to call them into the first stage of saying, I need to teach you what it's like to get your life together. 07:08.042 --> 07:12.388 [SPEAKER_03]: So you're starting to give your life away. 07:12.368 --> 07:25.249 [SPEAKER_03]: and then you're learning about giving your death the way and you're doing that by initiating the young into getting their life together and there's this is I think a beautiful cycle of fatherhood and father's passing on the wisdom to their children. 07:25.329 --> 07:33.222 [SPEAKER_03]: So that's why we're going to talk about legacy and that's why we're going to do it a lot through the practices of initiating people into legacy. 07:33.242 --> 07:33.583 [SPEAKER_03]: But 07:35.740 --> 07:49.814 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think it's super helpful to talk about all the nitty gritty practices before we go through the super important spiritual side of this that is before you practice you need to pray. 07:50.456 --> 07:51.859 [SPEAKER_03]: Just almost always in life. 07:51.839 --> 08:05.817 [SPEAKER_03]: Almost always in life, you know, you, um, prayer usually needs to be the first practice and you have challenged me, Brooke, in talking about praying like a sea for your kids. 08:05.837 --> 08:19.635 [SPEAKER_03]: I do lots of little prayers with my kids, like I'm very happy and proud of our family culture around prayer. 08:19.615 --> 08:25.443 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so let me let you kick it off with praying like I see before we talk about practices of legacy. 08:25.683 --> 08:48.694 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think praying legacy, I think that means like it's important like it's that vision piece that we talked about in the blessing like let's quick call back to the last episode like there's a blessing piece we'll talk about and we went into great detail last episode, but I think when we pray in legacy, I think what we're praying into is like the types of kids that we 08:48.674 --> 09:01.852 [SPEAKER_00]: want like that we envision our kids to be, you know, and like, and when we're praying legacy, I think a way to say that is like, we often make legacy about us, meaning like we're just talking to like, what is my legacy? 09:01.912 --> 09:13.247 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, legacy is of course, maybe initiated by you and what is your legacy, but we also give legacy in the sense of like who are the kids that I have and who do they become? 09:13.227 --> 09:16.133 [SPEAKER_00]: That's hugely your biggest legacy. 09:16.614 --> 09:24.249 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's very important that you're thinking through what type of person God's asking you to form and help you. 09:24.269 --> 09:24.530 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 09:25.292 --> 09:26.895 [SPEAKER_00]: And you can't do that on your own. 09:27.015 --> 09:32.907 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't know why you, but I have no skills enough or enough skills or enough wisdom to do that on my head. 09:32.887 --> 09:37.554 [SPEAKER_03]: And I often think about how praying refines your desires. 09:37.995 --> 09:39.357 [SPEAKER_03]: Right, praying. 09:39.377 --> 09:39.698 [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely. 09:40.179 --> 09:42.382 [SPEAKER_03]: Put the lens on what do I really want. 09:42.462 --> 09:53.460 [SPEAKER_03]: So the idea of beginning your desires of what do I want and legacy by praying for it is just not just brilliant, but it's the way it's the way the Lord often works. 09:53.440 --> 09:55.203 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, absolutely. 09:55.223 --> 10:05.580 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've really, um, yeah, I've thought about it a lot, but I've also, I just find it like for me, it's the tangible like thing I can do. 10:05.621 --> 10:11.230 [SPEAKER_00]: Because sometimes I feel overwhelmed by this idea like pray, let me guess what the heck does that mean? 10:11.210 --> 10:23.118 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thinking about what to pray and topics to pray over has been something that for me has given me like a real footing and like it gives me like the and I'm maybe just to make myself feel better, but I actually don't think so. 10:23.138 --> 10:23.940 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's more than that. 10:23.960 --> 10:25.965 [SPEAKER_00]: I think God actually really wants to yeah. 10:26.266 --> 10:28.932 [SPEAKER_00]: He's really invested in helping you form who your kids become. 10:30.059 --> 10:53.215 [SPEAKER_03]: But as you said that it suddenly struck me that actually this is super practical and helpful because I think a lot of guys including myself think about like how do I leave a legacy it's actually it's enormously open question and saying well first you pray it is actually a really helpful practical answer yeah and it may be think. 10:54.393 --> 10:58.357 [SPEAKER_03]: There's two things, at least second, remember my dad praying a lot. 10:58.998 --> 10:59.559 [SPEAKER_03]: He still does. 11:00.640 --> 11:01.080 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 11:01.100 --> 11:09.009 [SPEAKER_03]: I often, when he's praying for a family meal or like I remember this when I was young, maybe at bedtime, I can't remember. 11:09.049 --> 11:19.000 [SPEAKER_03]: He would often pray that I would grow up or that my brother, I would hear him say this, you know, may they grow up to be the man or woman you've created them to be. 11:19.418 --> 11:21.703 [SPEAKER_03]: And I've never I haven't thought about this. 11:21.743 --> 11:32.990 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think I've ever named this, but I'm thinking that was his one small way of constantly praying legacy and saying I want my kids to grow up to be the man that Jesus made them to be. 11:33.010 --> 11:34.634 [SPEAKER_03]: I actually don't I don't know what that is. 11:34.794 --> 11:35.115 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah 11:35.095 --> 11:37.581 [SPEAKER_03]: but I pray Lord over and over and I've listened to him pray that. 11:37.661 --> 11:39.304 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, I pray that for my kids now. 11:39.585 --> 11:39.906 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 11:40.347 --> 11:50.910 [SPEAKER_03]: And he also always pray, may they be, it often when people are way, like if we're praying at family lunch, for example, and somebody's not there, he'll pray, you know, keep them close to you and in love with you. 11:50.890 --> 12:06.132 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, and that idea of, I think, his goal for us, the legacy that he was dreaming of, which I now know only because I heard him praying, it was that we would become who God made us to be, and that was near to God and in local God. 12:07.208 --> 12:11.452 [SPEAKER_03]: That's pretty cool, and I'm actually never thought about this episode right now, but it was his prayers. 12:11.572 --> 12:17.679 [SPEAKER_03]: And I mean, you're talking about, I think, prayers, you, we pray both in front of our kids, but also just alone, right? 12:17.699 --> 12:17.819 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 12:18.119 --> 12:19.480 [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely. 12:19.501 --> 12:32.794 [SPEAKER_00]: And especially alone, I think that most people that are what you would deem is successful in life or in general, especially around anything spiritual have had a private prayer life. 12:33.837 --> 12:45.850 [SPEAKER_00]: Anybody I know that is in any way successful as as you would see it in the kingdom and in reality has had a private prayer life. 12:47.371 --> 13:00.385 [SPEAKER_00]: Even a bunch of people that would maybe say they're not overtly Christian have some form of communication with what they would say God is I think a reflective life yeah yeah yeah absolutely I can mention early in the season like. 13:01.242 --> 13:03.746 [SPEAKER_03]: God as did you say fuel? 13:03.806 --> 13:14.983 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't remember, but like the God you were you like you're made to run on God on Jesus like you're made by God for God, which means you're made to need God and you're made to run on God. 13:15.403 --> 13:15.563 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 13:16.144 --> 13:16.865 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the truth. 13:16.946 --> 13:18.528 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we are made to run on that energy. 13:18.548 --> 13:25.258 [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you're every day like just expending and never refilling, I mean it's it's obviously pretty black and white. 13:25.238 --> 13:49.457 [SPEAKER_00]: And so to get really practical like I think something that I know that has been exciting for me to just think through is like how do I do this and I want to make this easy for like fathers especially I want to make it super simple and so so I'm pumped because I now have a resource sitting on my desk that you gave me so yeah we it was been cool like I was thinking through just practically like 13:50.534 --> 13:55.399 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to, it was literally in a moment of like, I just want to know like, I just want to do something I want to pray for my kids. 13:55.939 --> 13:57.561 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I wrote a really short devotional. 13:57.581 --> 13:58.782 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a 31-day prayer devotional. 13:58.822 --> 14:04.688 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're here, if you're hearing this and you're seeing this, this book is called Sewing a Hidden Seed Daily Sprayers. 14:04.808 --> 14:06.970 [SPEAKER_03]: You'd definitely bound and light out. 14:07.150 --> 14:07.551 [SPEAKER_00]: You can see it. 14:07.811 --> 14:09.152 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 14:09.172 --> 14:12.115 [SPEAKER_00]: Sewing a Hidden Seed daily prayers for your child's spiritual growth. 14:12.375 --> 14:16.119 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's about each day, it's about one minute, guys. 14:16.159 --> 14:17.380 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like telling you it's one minute. 14:17.400 --> 14:19.022 [SPEAKER_00]: And here's what it is. 14:19.002 --> 14:44.385 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a quote from someone who's usually longing long gone and it's a scripture so you can be meditating on scripture and then simply it is a prayer a written out prayer that you can borrow not to feel You know depressed by or overwhelmed by like you you can borrow this prayer make it your own make it your own words way to pray can I read one yeah everyone pick one and everyone 14:44.365 --> 14:47.050 [SPEAKER_00]: And we can do it so quickly, but I want to give you an example of this. 14:47.091 --> 14:51.620 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me give you a couple details where you're looking at up just in, um, wait, this is amazing. 14:52.281 --> 14:52.922 [SPEAKER_03]: I opened it. 14:53.303 --> 14:53.484 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 14:53.664 --> 14:54.906 [SPEAKER_03]: And here's a quote by Rollhizer. 14:55.007 --> 15:02.121 [SPEAKER_03]: If you don't pray, yes, you will either be habitually depressed or obsessed with your own ego. 15:02.101 --> 15:02.542 [SPEAKER_03]: Yep. 15:02.562 --> 15:03.423 [SPEAKER_00]: We love that one. 15:04.365 --> 15:04.626 [SPEAKER_03]: Wow. 15:05.127 --> 15:09.174 [SPEAKER_03]: We were just talking about this and kind of a this spirit this spirit in many ways. 15:09.695 --> 15:20.315 [SPEAKER_00]: So what the hope was with this was I wanted to write something that was encouraging but simple and and really honestly like something to have as a tactile thing to use. 15:20.896 --> 15:23.681 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're if you're hearing this and you're like gosh, where do I start? 15:23.741 --> 15:24.683 [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, 15:24.663 --> 15:31.754 [SPEAKER_00]: The whole point of this was I was thinking of does that are super busy guys like Justin who also has, you know, you've got so many multiple parts. 15:31.774 --> 15:49.843 [SPEAKER_00]: I've so many things moving in a day I want language that I can borrow from other people that have thought this through now cool last thing about this is there's 31 days so there's 31 topics so my heart was like to this is like do it for a month do it for a month with your spouse do it together do it each month, but the one thing that I want to highlight is each 15:49.823 --> 15:51.304 [SPEAKER_00]: day has a different topic here. 15:51.344 --> 15:53.426 [SPEAKER_00]: Go to the, because I haven't memorized them. 15:53.446 --> 15:56.509 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe just give us a couple of the, I'm opening it. 15:56.769 --> 16:02.215 [SPEAKER_03]: I love this because you gave this to me, but I haven't opened it yet and anything, I unabashedly, I want to go on record saying this. 16:03.336 --> 16:10.482 [SPEAKER_03]: Anything that I can work into a 10-minute quiet time on four because often like that's what that's what I, that's what I have. 16:10.502 --> 16:11.683 [SPEAKER_03]: I would love to do more of that's what I have. 16:13.245 --> 16:18.750 [SPEAKER_03]: Introduction, how should I use this devotional prayer of 16:18.730 --> 16:28.629 [SPEAKER_03]: Just for the talk, she gave a couple of the top emotional healing, good reputation, sexual integrity, prayer life, judging others, doing good in all the ways you can, anxiety, soul friends, who I want to read about that one. 16:28.810 --> 16:29.531 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 16:29.551 --> 16:38.308 [SPEAKER_03]: Commitment, full commitment, strong in the spirit, time, so I want to, you know, time seems like the one we should read for this one. 16:38.288 --> 16:40.973 [SPEAKER_00]: say what you're going to say and then I'm going to read it. 16:40.993 --> 16:41.253 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 16:41.273 --> 16:54.897 [SPEAKER_00]: So just to highlight the idea was that over those 31 days, of course, it's not going to cover every topic that your child could experience, but the hope was to capture in one month you praying over your kids about all these topics that honestly never naturally come to even my mind. 16:54.877 --> 16:58.561 [SPEAKER_00]: It's only through the process of thinking it through and processing and praying. 16:58.601 --> 17:00.643 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is a resource. 17:00.763 --> 17:01.844 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not on Amazon, by the way. 17:01.964 --> 17:03.826 [SPEAKER_00]: We wanted to bind it and make it beautiful. 17:03.866 --> 17:07.870 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we're actually selling it on our website, intentionalparents.org link in the website. 17:08.130 --> 17:09.932 [SPEAKER_00]: And also it will be on intentional fatherhood.org. 17:09.952 --> 17:10.673 [SPEAKER_00]: You can pick it up there. 17:11.273 --> 17:14.617 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the only place to buy it right now because we're on on purpose. 17:14.637 --> 17:17.479 [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't want to have, you know, outsource the printing. 17:17.920 --> 17:23.145 [SPEAKER_00]: We wanted to make it a gift so that you can be proud to leave it out. 17:23.125 --> 17:30.040 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that was the idea is like something that you can leave out and remind her and why we wanted you to leave it out is because of this visual cues are massive. 17:30.380 --> 17:35.271 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, when you see something, you see this, the hope is that you go, oh, I get to pray for my kids and it only takes a minute. 17:35.371 --> 17:37.435 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the idea you can go for check that out at any point. 17:37.576 --> 17:39.540 [SPEAKER_03]: So that's what it looks like a prayer for legacy. 17:39.760 --> 17:40.662 [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm going to do time. 17:40.895 --> 17:42.679 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, this is a whole day right here. 17:42.859 --> 17:46.608 [SPEAKER_03]: The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost. 17:46.969 --> 17:49.555 [SPEAKER_03]: DK Chesterton, which, oh, well, okay. 17:49.575 --> 17:51.499 [SPEAKER_03]: That's a great, we're literally talking about this. 17:51.539 --> 17:52.602 [SPEAKER_03]: This is giving you death away. 17:52.782 --> 17:54.927 [SPEAKER_03]: I guess, I think that, that's time kept. 17:54.947 --> 17:59.798 [SPEAKER_03]: Verse, Psalm 90, 12, teach us the number of days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 18:01.195 --> 18:02.137 [SPEAKER_03]: Providence is at work here. 18:02.237 --> 18:03.038 [SPEAKER_03]: Again, this is on point. 18:03.098 --> 18:03.779 [SPEAKER_03]: Art, here's the prayer. 18:04.480 --> 18:09.248 [SPEAKER_03]: Father, time is something that you created, but does not confine you. 18:09.308 --> 18:13.455 [SPEAKER_03]: Our lives are finite with timestamps and expiration dates. 18:14.056 --> 18:19.906 [SPEAKER_03]: I ask first that you would help me think of the precious commodity of time with sober judgment. 18:20.927 --> 18:21.448 [SPEAKER_03]: Second, 18:21.428 --> 18:29.948 [SPEAKER_03]: I asked for my child that you would teach them to number their days, and that they would have the wisdom to spend their time on this earth wisely. 18:31.030 --> 18:38.307 [SPEAKER_03]: I asked that there would be a certain awareness of the power of time, and that you would help me be a good steward of the time that I have left. 18:38.287 --> 18:43.637 [SPEAKER_03]: may time not intimidate, but instead motivate my child to act wisely and thoughtfully throughout their life. 18:44.339 --> 18:50.310 [SPEAKER_03]: But my child be one in this generation who uses their time to bring glory to you and blessing to others. 18:51.172 --> 18:51.452 [SPEAKER_03]: Amen. 18:52.715 --> 18:52.855 [SPEAKER_03]: Amen. 18:52.875 --> 18:54.017 [SPEAKER_03]: That's beautiful. 18:54.487 --> 18:58.431 [SPEAKER_03]: As a great flavor of like, wow, that's, yeah, ways to pray legacy for your. 18:59.652 --> 19:12.185 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's one of the awesome of a million resources, but why why this was just something that I was passionate about putting together was for the everyday dad that is in the space of needing some help with this. 19:12.205 --> 19:13.206 [SPEAKER_00]: We all need help with this. 19:13.826 --> 19:16.069 [SPEAKER_00]: And so this is, this is for you. 19:16.589 --> 19:18.031 [SPEAKER_00]: So check that out if that's helpful. 19:18.471 --> 19:19.572 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's where you can start. 19:19.632 --> 19:24.477 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a great place to start 19:24.457 --> 19:36.053 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really hard to always remember to pray to think about how oftentimes unless I'm like sitting down and slowing down enough and you know, honestly not distracted very much and have everything away from me. 19:36.854 --> 19:43.022 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the only time when like these things that are of deeper importance bubble of the surface to even think about praying about. 19:43.002 --> 19:43.743 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 19:43.763 --> 19:49.030 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I've found my life has been so radically changed by borrowing prayers of old. 19:49.510 --> 19:58.301 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you have borrowing other people's prayers or borrowing someone else's experience and understanding it to make it my own. 19:58.321 --> 20:10.917 [SPEAKER_00]: And so the hope with this is to do that, to take it into each day, try it for 31 days and then my only like challenge to you men is do it for 31 days, take some minute, honestly not a lot do it right before bed if you want to do it in the morning, 20:10.897 --> 20:16.029 [SPEAKER_00]: and then just actively and curiously watch with the spirit dozen your child and in your home. 20:16.291 --> 20:17.498 [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, even in your heart. 20:17.967 --> 20:19.549 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, that's my only challenge. 20:19.609 --> 20:23.535 [SPEAKER_00]: Like be aware of what might be happening through your prayers. 20:23.796 --> 20:24.236 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that. 20:24.337 --> 20:33.711 [SPEAKER_03]: I, there was a time in my life where I was down on praying other people's prayers because I felt like prayer should always be sort of spontaneous and heartfelt. 20:34.031 --> 20:36.735 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think I linked heartfelt with spontaneous. 20:36.775 --> 20:38.438 [SPEAKER_03]: Like it wasn't heartfelt if it wasn't spontaneous. 20:38.979 --> 20:40.641 [SPEAKER_03]: I've radically shifted my position now. 20:40.761 --> 20:44.447 [SPEAKER_03]: But I remember there's some Latin phrase I can't remember. 20:44.427 --> 20:59.046 [SPEAKER_03]: But it's roughly equivalent to pray your prayers until your prayers pray you Yeah, or let your prayers pray you and I think a lot of the wisdom of praying other people's prayers Is that you you're being formed by them. 20:59.386 --> 21:10.941 [SPEAKER_03]: So you are praying them you're asking God, but you're also Changing as you read other people's language and I think now I'm a huge fan of praying the same prayers over and over because I want to be 21:10.921 --> 21:15.231 [SPEAKER_03]: formed by those prayers as much as I want to feel as prayers. 21:15.291 --> 21:16.093 [SPEAKER_03]: So I love that idea. 21:16.213 --> 21:18.399 [SPEAKER_00]: The activate your mind and curiously. 21:18.479 --> 21:20.925 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think we start by praying like a seed. 21:20.965 --> 21:22.428 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that's a huge practical one. 21:22.609 --> 21:28.322 [SPEAKER_03]: So I would another, the next category I'd submit is writing legacy. 21:28.302 --> 21:28.863 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 21:29.063 --> 21:35.310 [SPEAKER_03]: I've shared about this before one of my traditions is writing letters to my children at least once a year. 21:35.350 --> 21:40.816 [SPEAKER_03]: And so we have a birthday tradition where I take them out around their birthday morning. 21:41.557 --> 21:46.823 [SPEAKER_03]: And we do a really special breakfast which like just means going to eye-hop in ordering hot chocolate and sprinkles of the pancakes. 21:46.843 --> 21:47.203 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah. 21:47.304 --> 21:49.025 [SPEAKER_03]: Now my oldest son now has like good tastes. 21:49.366 --> 21:51.889 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, so we go to a restaurant downtown called Pearlies. 21:51.949 --> 21:55.693 [SPEAKER_03]: It's his Jewish Deli incredible breakfast. 21:55.673 --> 21:59.523 [SPEAKER_03]: And but we'll order a big breakfast and I'll always bring my journal. 22:00.004 --> 22:07.945 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, and I'll ask them some 10 to 20 fun questions like starting with like just stuff like 22:09.359 --> 22:10.320 [SPEAKER_03]: who's your best friend right now? 22:10.941 --> 22:11.982 [SPEAKER_03]: What do you love doing right now? 22:12.643 --> 22:13.644 [SPEAKER_03]: What's your favorite family? 22:13.664 --> 22:15.005 [SPEAKER_03]: What's your favorite family me all right now? 22:15.446 --> 22:19.650 [SPEAKER_03]: To more serious questions, who's a problem for you right now? 22:20.411 --> 22:21.392 [SPEAKER_03]: What do you worry about right now? 22:21.512 --> 22:23.334 [SPEAKER_03]: When you lay down in bed, what do you anxious about? 22:23.895 --> 22:32.284 [SPEAKER_03]: What do you have bad dreams about to then some spiritual questions of I always every year I ask them when you picture God what faces he making? 22:33.665 --> 22:34.486 [SPEAKER_03]: It's a good question. 22:34.506 --> 22:36.328 [SPEAKER_03]: What do you, you know? 22:36.308 --> 22:39.815 [SPEAKER_03]: I asked them what they pray about even at four. 22:39.916 --> 22:40.697 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, what do you pray about? 22:40.938 --> 22:42.922 [SPEAKER_03]: And they're like, I don't. 22:43.964 --> 22:46.569 [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, okay, you know, but I was going to keep asking you this question. 22:46.590 --> 22:47.291 [SPEAKER_03]: Let's start there. 22:47.411 --> 22:49.015 [SPEAKER_03]: And so, and I'll jot down their answers. 22:49.055 --> 22:54.486 [SPEAKER_03]: So it's sort of like, in exchange for getting bought whatever you want off the menu. 22:54.466 --> 22:59.053 [SPEAKER_03]: You have to talk to me and I write down all these things and then then that night. 22:59.073 --> 23:08.306 [SPEAKER_03]: They'll honestly often it's like a couple weeks later I will take that Interview session and I'll write them a letter and I'll say so this is where we went. 23:08.326 --> 23:13.133 [SPEAKER_03]: This is what you ordered Here's what you said here's who you're hanging out with here's what you cared about at that time 23:13.231 --> 23:26.632 [SPEAKER_03]: But then like, I'll shift like half of the letter is that, but then my whole commitment in these letters is that then I stop telling them about them, and I start telling them about me. 23:27.273 --> 23:28.936 [SPEAKER_03]: So like, here's what our family is doing this year. 23:28.956 --> 23:30.138 [SPEAKER_03]: Here's what I'm worried about this year. 23:30.178 --> 23:31.079 [SPEAKER_03]: Here's what I'm struggling with. 23:31.099 --> 23:32.461 [SPEAKER_03]: Here's what your mom and I are talking about. 23:32.481 --> 23:34.084 [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm thinking, this is what I'm thinking book. 23:34.104 --> 23:36.167 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not writing a letter to a child. 23:36.147 --> 23:56.940 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm writing a letter to a man because I'm not going to give them these letters until I mean I don't know when they're going to need it if they needed at 16 I'll go to them then but I'm thinking more like 18, 20, 25 maybe when they get married something that's like hey here's a little bit of our legacy you know we've had conversations for years and and these are that is going to be so cool. 23:56.920 --> 24:16.836 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I hope so, but again, like kind of like the praying forms me as much as I hope it will one day form them because I want I think part of developing legacy is beginning to learn how to talk to your children as brothers and Christ not just as fathers children right now, we're fathers like they're little you know. 24:17.170 --> 24:28.682 [SPEAKER_03]: But you're you're you're guys 16 like you know we're you're starting like I want to build the pattern of speaking to them and trying to pass on things just another quick idea on that I was 24:29.742 --> 24:39.017 [SPEAKER_03]: asking a friend about wine recommendations because I want to get my kids a bottle of wine from the date of their birth. 24:39.457 --> 24:40.579 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes to open with them. 24:40.599 --> 24:45.627 [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe on their 21st birthday or maybe again at their wedding or something to another moment of legacy. 24:45.647 --> 24:48.592 [SPEAKER_03]: Like I've owned this bottle for 15, 20 years. 24:48.672 --> 24:51.016 [SPEAKER_03]: I've been waiting for you for 15, 20 years. 24:51.477 --> 24:52.358 [SPEAKER_03]: Sit down with you. 24:52.338 --> 24:56.610 [SPEAKER_03]: And I asked my good friend at the gym, who was a Somalia and a restaurant owner. 24:57.132 --> 24:59.499 [SPEAKER_03]: I was like, what would be a good vintage from like these years? 25:00.421 --> 25:05.596 [SPEAKER_03]: And he was like, I love this idea, by the way, I do this and here's what he's done. 25:05.757 --> 25:07.562 [SPEAKER_03]: Like this, this one ups. 25:07.542 --> 25:09.165 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I came into here, give it to me. 25:09.185 --> 25:09.405 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 25:09.425 --> 25:11.509 [SPEAKER_03]: So this is a Somalia talking, okay? 25:11.529 --> 25:11.629 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 25:11.649 --> 25:15.115 [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't have any of you who don't, I was sure most people know that word, but I didn't at one point. 25:15.175 --> 25:15.556 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 25:15.576 --> 25:18.100 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like a professional wine taste drinker. 25:18.881 --> 25:20.484 [SPEAKER_03]: They know everything about it. 25:20.504 --> 25:22.768 [SPEAKER_03]: He buys a case of wine. 25:22.808 --> 25:24.030 [SPEAKER_03]: It's too son. 25:24.070 --> 25:26.554 [SPEAKER_03]: So he's bought a case of wine from each of their birth years. 25:27.396 --> 25:28.958 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I can't remember. 25:28.978 --> 25:30.040 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like 15. 25:30.020 --> 25:31.342 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know how many times. 25:31.362 --> 25:31.982 [SPEAKER_03]: 12, 15, 18 bottles. 25:32.002 --> 25:38.931 [SPEAKER_03]: I think it depends on the case, but he writes a letter or he's working on it as a long-term project, a letter for each of the bottles. 25:39.772 --> 25:42.435 [SPEAKER_03]: So 12, the 15, 18 letters. 25:43.256 --> 25:47.521 [SPEAKER_03]: And one is for when you turn 21, one is for when you get married. 25:48.082 --> 25:50.865 [SPEAKER_03]: And then another one's for when you lose your job for the first time. 25:51.446 --> 25:58.474 [SPEAKER_03]: Another one's for when you get broken up with, another one's for when you turn 40. 25:58.454 --> 26:06.186 [SPEAKER_03]: And then the last one is like, this is the one that you're going to, this is the bottle you're going to drink and the letter you're going to read at my funeral. 26:06.858 --> 26:12.105 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, and I thought it was such a neat idea. 26:12.145 --> 26:13.026 [SPEAKER_03]: Take that idea, guys. 26:13.046 --> 26:19.735 [SPEAKER_03]: I thought it was such a good idea to steal, and you know, maybe like one, maybe you don't, maybe you want to attach it to something else, maybe you don't. 26:20.056 --> 26:22.559 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm a big fan of bottles. 26:23.080 --> 26:27.666 [SPEAKER_03]: I shared about this and made for people of like, give writing a year on a bottle to share with a friend. 26:28.207 --> 26:29.288 [SPEAKER_03]: Because I just think, you know, 26:30.517 --> 26:32.560 [SPEAKER_03]: these things that age over time. 26:33.160 --> 26:33.341 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 26:33.561 --> 26:38.127 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, like a fine wine, are like a good friendship, a good relationship with your kid. 26:38.928 --> 26:43.654 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I love the idea of letter writing, passing down. 26:44.135 --> 26:51.765 [SPEAKER_03]: So if either of those help you, I love, it was a fine way to write letters to your children as a way to start thinking through legacy now. 26:52.572 --> 26:55.156 [SPEAKER_00]: Such a really strong practical idea. 26:55.336 --> 26:56.558 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have anything to add. 26:56.618 --> 27:01.966 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just like, I'm just processing a real time like, or just some of the things I want to keep doing and do. 27:02.507 --> 27:13.523 [SPEAKER_03]: And by the way, that reminded me, I didn't start this like at age zero, you know, I started this somewhere in the middle of the year to 10 years something I was like, how I want to do this. 27:13.563 --> 27:14.665 [SPEAKER_03]: So if you're like, 27:14.645 --> 27:19.692 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, my kids are, like your kid is not going to be mad if you start this when they're 15. 27:19.932 --> 27:20.693 [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to love it. 27:21.094 --> 27:22.556 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, that's a great show. 27:22.576 --> 27:22.816 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 27:22.876 --> 27:24.218 [SPEAKER_03]: You haven't missed anything. 27:24.238 --> 27:28.284 [SPEAKER_03]: Wherever you are is the right place to start talking about legacy. 27:28.404 --> 27:32.469 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't think about, oh, I've missed so much right now is the right time to start thinking about it. 27:33.271 --> 27:40.921 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I have a, it's a weird, it's a weird dynamic for me to think about legacy because, you know, personally, my dad's already gone. 27:41.061 --> 27:42.323 [SPEAKER_00]: He was 53 when he died. 27:43.687 --> 27:45.149 [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, no, who's 57. 27:45.670 --> 27:46.651 [SPEAKER_00]: I apologize for 57. 27:47.652 --> 27:57.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I think it is so interesting because I didn't grow up in a world or home that ever even considered talked about or thought of this word, right? 27:57.785 --> 27:58.346 [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm. 27:58.366 --> 28:11.263 [SPEAKER_00]: And so there's a lot of parts of me that are excited about having this conversation, but in very real time, I'm just like, it makes me feel very uncomfortable because I still haven't done a lot of work around thinking about all, I've thought about some of the things. 28:11.243 --> 28:23.680 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think there's so much more that I could think of and do, and at the very same time, I would tell myself what I hoped to tell you is, and what you just said, start where you are. 28:24.201 --> 28:26.704 [SPEAKER_00]: Not what you're not, like, it doesn't matter if you had an example of this or not. 28:26.824 --> 28:28.286 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you can start now. 28:28.847 --> 28:38.280 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think the point really is, and this is a reminder for me in real time, like, be more intentional and thoughtful about the legacy piece of your life. 28:38.260 --> 28:44.073 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think even for me right now, there's that weird turn of, you know, I'm turning from one decade to the next. 28:44.434 --> 28:49.285 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of reflective moments when you, you can do it next and the next decade. 28:50.047 --> 28:57.163 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, oh, yeah, now I'm 40 now I'm technically in that space where people go, yes, well, you should have your life together. 28:57.143 --> 28:59.046 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, dude, you should be giving your live away. 28:59.206 --> 29:08.039 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, the age chart or a 40th birthday, I actually did this the morning of my 40th, that what I asked for was a morning alone. 29:09.301 --> 29:10.423 [SPEAKER_03]: I felt like you're wife, right? 29:10.443 --> 29:18.415 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I was going to shoot in 40s and I did a lot of just visioning and planning and saying, what, what do I hope to be true of me when I'm 55? 29:19.056 --> 29:21.620 [SPEAKER_03]: That was about as all the time horizon I wanted to consider then. 29:21.680 --> 29:25.986 [SPEAKER_03]: I just how do I want to spend the next decade and a half? 29:25.966 --> 29:33.260 [SPEAKER_03]: This, that sort of reflective practice is a part of doing like I see you like you need to be thinking about your own life. 29:34.142 --> 29:35.545 [SPEAKER_03]: If you're going to be able to pass your life on. 29:36.266 --> 29:37.228 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's it. 29:38.511 --> 29:40.975 [SPEAKER_03]: I encourage you in a way that you encourage me last time. 29:41.496 --> 29:44.903 [SPEAKER_03]: All right, I'm ready to probably like many other people are saying, 29:46.148 --> 29:48.114 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, you know, I don't know how to do this. 29:48.174 --> 29:49.178 [SPEAKER_03]: I haven't been doing this. 29:49.198 --> 29:55.759 [SPEAKER_03]: This is big stuff like maybe feel more guilty than motivated or more and empty than full of ideas. 29:56.160 --> 29:57.003 [SPEAKER_03]: It's what I'm trying to do. 29:57.023 --> 29:57.103 [SPEAKER_03]: But. 29:58.045 --> 30:09.179 [SPEAKER_03]: When we talk about practicing legacy, a lot of this is actually smaller moments in more ordinary things that nonetheless are treasures to pass on. 30:09.640 --> 30:17.910 [SPEAKER_03]: So I know you've been doing this because you were just telling me like, oh, I was given Duke an instruction that some are like, 30:17.890 --> 30:27.119 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you need a new morning routine and I can think of things with with like recently I gave it my oldest son this summer his first dump phone. 30:27.960 --> 30:29.221 [SPEAKER_03]: And it was a moment. 30:29.261 --> 30:36.008 [SPEAKER_03]: It was a ritual of like we're going through 10 things that we are together going to commit to in using technology. 30:36.588 --> 30:38.090 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think of like morning routines. 30:38.871 --> 30:39.732 [SPEAKER_03]: How to use a phone. 30:42.034 --> 30:47.239 [SPEAKER_03]: How to ask a girl out. 30:47.219 --> 31:01.349 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, little stuff like how to drive, even these, we talked about it last time right like, um, the, um, liking on the not crystallized knowledge, but fluid, fluid intelligence, fluid intelligence, like just how to do stuff in life. 31:01.369 --> 31:01.569 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 31:01.850 --> 31:02.050 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 31:02.351 --> 31:08.063 [SPEAKER_03]: These are actually, you, you do not have to think really big and really abstract to think about legacy. 31:08.043 --> 31:16.098 [SPEAKER_03]: a huge part of your legacy is getting in the grit of teaching your children how to get their life together, right, which is back to stage one. 31:16.318 --> 31:26.637 [SPEAKER_03]: When you do that, you're leaving legacy, because you're present in the moment and saying, well, this is how this is what a man does, and this or this is what an adult does. 31:27.118 --> 31:28.480 [SPEAKER_03]: So I don't know if you like you should share about that. 31:28.500 --> 31:29.342 [SPEAKER_03]: Like what 31:29.322 --> 31:30.724 [SPEAKER_03]: What'd you tell Duke about his morning routine? 31:30.744 --> 31:31.485 [SPEAKER_03]: What'd you tell him about that? 31:31.506 --> 31:32.207 [SPEAKER_03]: Ask a girl out. 31:32.227 --> 31:32.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thanks. 31:32.828 --> 31:35.272 [SPEAKER_03]: Because I got some for wit and I sent out all of you. 31:35.412 --> 31:37.095 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thanks for thanks for the encouragement. 31:37.155 --> 31:37.816 [SPEAKER_00]: I received it. 31:38.877 --> 31:41.041 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, it's, it's all happened really quick. 31:43.525 --> 31:44.907 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, lots of things. 31:44.927 --> 31:48.613 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's really interesting to think through. 31:48.593 --> 31:49.996 [SPEAKER_00]: how we pass these things down. 31:50.036 --> 31:55.528 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that I, yeah, morning routine, he just was like doing what any teenager does. 31:55.568 --> 32:00.218 [SPEAKER_00]: Like he just woke up and kind of just went into the day without thinking, started listening to music. 32:00.238 --> 32:05.709 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it's at weird stage where it's like, we're starting to exercise independence, but you're also like that. 32:05.870 --> 32:06.852 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not a helpful thing. 32:06.892 --> 32:07.313 [SPEAKER_00]: That's dumb. 32:07.373 --> 32:08.014 [SPEAKER_00]: We shouldn't do that. 32:08.054 --> 32:08.475 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, 32:08.455 --> 32:16.085 [SPEAKER_00]: So you're trying to just guide and it was so interesting because I'm thinking like I'm looking at his life. 32:16.165 --> 32:20.391 [SPEAKER_00]: He also went from a dumb phone because he's not driving to an iPhone. 32:20.411 --> 32:21.132 [SPEAKER_00]: Now it's locked down. 32:21.192 --> 32:23.034 [SPEAKER_00]: We have all sorts of things on it. 32:23.054 --> 32:24.216 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is it. 32:24.236 --> 32:25.458 [SPEAKER_00]: This is when he turns 16, right? 32:25.478 --> 32:26.559 [SPEAKER_03]: 16 was around the same page. 32:26.619 --> 32:27.601 [SPEAKER_03]: This is what we're talking about. 32:28.041 --> 32:28.742 [SPEAKER_03]: Not right now. 32:28.722 --> 32:37.412 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, but a huge huge value of both the bars is with hold the smartphone initiation until 16, but then initiate them. 32:37.632 --> 32:39.815 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, each them what to do pause. 32:39.875 --> 32:40.636 [SPEAKER_03]: I'll talk about that later. 32:40.656 --> 32:41.757 [SPEAKER_03]: You keep going on the morning routine. 32:41.777 --> 32:50.167 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and we need to talk about that because that's big and honestly, it felt really awkward for him for that first, like you're of high school and like Anytime I takes people as green. 32:50.187 --> 32:51.789 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, but son, you've got blue energy. 32:52.109 --> 32:52.570 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can't 32:53.360 --> 32:54.582 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to we're going to go here. 32:54.742 --> 32:55.824 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, God, I'm not going to strike you. 32:55.844 --> 32:56.805 [SPEAKER_03]: But this is the main question. 32:56.845 --> 32:57.647 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's just an issue. 32:57.667 --> 32:59.369 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's phone there's driving. 32:59.429 --> 33:00.090 [SPEAKER_00]: There's girlfriend. 33:00.150 --> 33:02.714 [SPEAKER_00]: All of this has happened within a couple months of each other. 33:03.435 --> 33:06.740 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, I could just let him be and figure it out. 33:06.780 --> 33:09.324 [SPEAKER_00]: But I was also like, dude, your morning routine is not strong. 33:09.685 --> 33:19.620 [SPEAKER_00]: And any man that has any sort of success in life or has any sort of ability to actually move through the world in a successful way. 33:19.600 --> 33:21.723 [SPEAKER_00]: Has any chance needs to have some morning? 33:21.743 --> 33:22.625 [SPEAKER_00]: Has a room in your team? 33:22.765 --> 33:24.648 [SPEAKER_03]: And by the way, it probably includes prayer. 33:25.108 --> 33:26.090 [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly. 33:26.651 --> 33:34.042 [SPEAKER_00]: So I gave him a menu and I said, You can pick from these and you can decide order, but these things happen before anything else. 33:34.162 --> 33:35.885 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, and they were simple. 33:35.945 --> 33:38.990 [SPEAKER_00]: It was, you need to either read or listen to scripture. 33:39.170 --> 33:41.073 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care which, whichever is more preferable to you. 33:41.934 --> 33:43.697 [SPEAKER_00]: Because he wakes up drinks coffee. 33:44.118 --> 33:45.760 [SPEAKER_00]: He loves coffee. 33:45.740 --> 33:48.384 [SPEAKER_00]: So he likes it makes like nice coffee. 33:48.404 --> 33:49.406 [SPEAKER_00]: We have a whole espresso machine. 33:49.466 --> 33:50.227 [SPEAKER_00]: Makes nice coffee. 33:50.267 --> 33:57.077 [SPEAKER_00]: Americana for himself and then Bible he has like after Bible kind of like read the news. 33:57.137 --> 33:58.319 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, sure old man. 33:58.399 --> 33:58.800 [SPEAKER_00]: That's fine. 33:59.080 --> 34:00.102 [SPEAKER_00]: Like go ahead. 34:00.502 --> 34:01.744 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that. 34:01.784 --> 34:04.388 [SPEAKER_03]: But I also love as long as it's the Bible first. 34:04.408 --> 34:06.291 [SPEAKER_03]: There's a huge oh, it's massive. 34:06.572 --> 34:07.994 [SPEAKER_03]: Because I talked to adults about this all the time. 34:08.014 --> 34:09.055 [SPEAKER_03]: You go to the news first. 34:09.236 --> 34:14.143 [SPEAKER_00]: You're first think you're you're done. 34:14.123 --> 34:22.695 [SPEAKER_00]: So that that was my only order structure, so it's like, that comes first and then your room needs to be cleaning you need to exercise and exercise. 34:22.715 --> 34:23.456 [SPEAKER_03]: I love this dude. 34:23.536 --> 34:28.142 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, and exercise is a little different because it's like, hey, we can put it, you know, this is summer summertime. 34:28.162 --> 34:32.669 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like, well, you can put it in the morning today, but the morning is like, you can do this in the morning. 34:32.709 --> 34:35.052 [SPEAKER_00]: You need to you're you're not getting to it in the day. 34:35.032 --> 34:40.418 [SPEAKER_00]: So these are like important things for a man and then with school, you know, it's like, hey, you can do it after you can do it before you decide. 34:41.019 --> 35:02.102 [SPEAKER_00]: But like having a clean room, things in order, so your mind and heart are, you know, that reading the scriptures, moving your body, these are essential things that I'm hoping to instill in him to say, whether you like doing this day one or day two or not, this is throughout generations, but also in my own life and experience 35:02.082 --> 35:06.027 [SPEAKER_00]: a key part of their thriving in adulthood in life. 35:06.168 --> 35:18.865 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you need a new morning routine, but you can pick, like, pick how you want the order to go outside of the scriptures, but that needs to happen before you're putting your AirPods in listening to your music or playing guitar, like, that's what happened. 35:19.065 --> 35:22.710 [SPEAKER_03]: Brother, I think this is far more significant than you realized. 35:22.790 --> 35:26.195 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, maybe you know, so many guys are listening. 35:26.275 --> 35:27.617 [SPEAKER_03]: Their dad didn't teach them. 35:28.947 --> 35:47.821 [SPEAKER_03]: the power of how to structure a day or the wisdom of like a praying reading the word needs to be part of your routine exercise needs to be part of your routine and you're saying this both you're passing on this is enormous and I'll actually yes I will lift thanks for my parents and particularly my dad here. 35:50.205 --> 35:52.930 [SPEAKER_03]: Lauren was reminding me earlier as we're talking about this. 35:52.910 --> 36:01.483 [SPEAKER_03]: that I stand on the shoulder of giants because my parents were so good at so much of what they did. 36:01.564 --> 36:08.535 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, so many people I meet have parents who are broken in so many ways and all of our parents are broken in many ways. 36:08.555 --> 36:16.487 [SPEAKER_03]: But I recognize that particularly blessed by a mom and dad who loved Jesus, loved each other. 36:16.467 --> 36:19.592 [SPEAKER_03]: Loved us and we're relatively emotionally healthy. 36:20.573 --> 36:30.307 [SPEAKER_03]: I cannot describe You know that the way that I feel like I get to stand on the shoulders of giants the things I get to do and see Because of what they did for me. 36:30.547 --> 36:37.918 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, and one of those was most days when I would come Upstairs I would see my dad and a study reading the Bible. 36:38.519 --> 36:40.302 [SPEAKER_03]: Wow, so he told me I should do that. 36:40.782 --> 36:41.243 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah 36:41.223 --> 36:57.730 [SPEAKER_03]: But he also showed me it was just normal like I think back now and I intuitive this is what a man does a man starts his day in the word and that's been a huge part of my life, you know, not necessarily always what I do yes, but always an intuition of 36:58.402 --> 36:59.123 [SPEAKER_00]: It's what's right. 36:59.163 --> 37:12.845 [SPEAKER_03]: This is what's right and good and I ought to be doing and not in a guilty way, but just in a way, if you're confused about why your life feels so off, maybe it's because you're living like a child, not a man. 37:12.865 --> 37:15.429 [SPEAKER_03]: And I thought about what does a man do? 37:15.590 --> 37:18.134 [SPEAKER_03]: And in my head, I'm a man followed to Jesus. 37:18.254 --> 37:22.000 [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, so many people have so many different answers that question. 37:22.040 --> 37:23.262 [SPEAKER_03]: What does it mean to be a man? 37:23.242 --> 37:29.239 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, but I just feel so grateful that one of the legacies my dad passed on was telling me that I should be in the work. 37:29.460 --> 37:38.365 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and showing me that was a thing, you know, I think you for the encouragement, I think it's kind of a. 37:38.345 --> 38:00.387 [SPEAKER_00]: it's important and it's really interesting because I even in it it kind of feels like benign almost like I'm telling you these things and he's not actually very impressed with these pieces of information he's kind of like I'm not like so you don't realize what I'm giving you that's so beautiful to him it just sounds normal right now yeah he's like he's only gonna later learn that this was radically different advice than much of the world 38:00.367 --> 38:06.355 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and even the details of like, hey, you have a phone, but here's some of the policies on that, right? 38:06.415 --> 38:11.622 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, and, and then also the next level of like, even just this last week, he got his first job. 38:11.662 --> 38:13.104 [SPEAKER_00]: I was telling him First job. 38:13.144 --> 38:14.185 [SPEAKER_00]: This was actually really fun. 38:14.245 --> 38:16.889 [SPEAKER_00]: This was a fun, like, man thing to do, especially at this stage. 38:17.249 --> 38:21.094 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's, and this has been fun to like give it to give this to my son and see him just step into it. 38:21.115 --> 38:25.260 [SPEAKER_00]: And this can be obviously true of your daughter's two, but he's at the age where he can embody it and do it. 38:25.240 --> 38:31.710 [SPEAKER_00]: He was trying to get a job and his birthday is July 31st and we said, listen, it's a lot easier to get a job when you're 16. 38:32.131 --> 38:37.419 [SPEAKER_00]: So we will give you 30 days from the time you turn 16 till, you know, you have 30 days from that point. 38:38.180 --> 38:39.061 [SPEAKER_00]: You can drive our cars. 38:39.322 --> 38:41.245 [SPEAKER_00]: You can, you know, be on insurance. 38:41.265 --> 38:45.171 [SPEAKER_00]: We'll pay for everything for 30 days as you are actively looking for a job. 38:45.211 --> 38:48.536 [SPEAKER_00]: If you do not have a job within those 30 days, you will not be using our cars. 38:49.197 --> 38:53.644 [SPEAKER_00]: And you will not be using our insurance and you will be having to get carted around like you did when you were 15. 38:53.624 --> 39:00.538 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just primarily not to be rude, but to just say there's we had to put like give much challenge, right? 39:00.578 --> 39:01.621 [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted him to have a challenge. 39:01.641 --> 39:07.513 [SPEAKER_00]: We'd like to get a job because we are leaving in the stage right now where so many kids can just float off of what their parents want. 39:07.533 --> 39:08.695 [SPEAKER_00]: They think they're giving their kids a gift. 39:08.715 --> 39:09.557 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think, man, 39:09.537 --> 39:13.564 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not that's a curse to I got some words on this, but you finished first. 39:13.584 --> 39:16.069 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, and it was a similar deal during the school year. 39:16.129 --> 39:22.400 [SPEAKER_00]: He was like he could he smarter than he was putting effort into and we're looking at his great average like broke listen. 39:22.741 --> 39:24.724 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that you're just simply not trying. 39:24.744 --> 39:26.027 [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't an intelligence issue. 39:26.087 --> 39:27.850 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a work issue. 39:27.830 --> 39:28.752 [SPEAKER_00]: So here's the deal. 39:28.832 --> 39:32.258 [SPEAKER_00]: If you can get this great average, we're going to give you 1500 bucks towards your first car. 39:32.638 --> 39:33.319 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll tell you this. 39:33.400 --> 39:35.884 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're one point off of that average, we're not paying a dime. 39:35.904 --> 39:36.104 [SPEAKER_02]: Good. 39:36.365 --> 39:38.909 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you do, I'm going to help invest into your future. 39:38.989 --> 39:39.189 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 39:39.209 --> 39:40.612 [SPEAKER_00]: So he had a major goal. 39:40.672 --> 39:41.033 [SPEAKER_00]: He hit it. 39:41.133 --> 39:42.134 [SPEAKER_00]: He got hit hit it. 39:42.154 --> 39:45.941 [SPEAKER_00]: And then and then we're 10 days into this 30 day stretch of getting a job. 39:46.562 --> 39:49.768 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a Saturday morning comes out Elizabeth and I are sitting outside talking. 39:50.268 --> 39:50.769 [SPEAKER_00]: That's like son. 39:50.909 --> 39:52.091 [SPEAKER_00]: So how are you doing on the job? 39:52.252 --> 39:52.993 [SPEAKER_00]: And he's like, 39:52.973 --> 40:02.806 [SPEAKER_00]: I got an application in here, one over here was like, okay, so, and I kind of was like a little, like, chiding him a little bit like dude, do you understand like you have to turn in like 15 applications? 40:02.826 --> 40:04.248 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't know if you're going to give him a job. 40:04.268 --> 40:05.309 [SPEAKER_00]: What are you talking about? 40:05.329 --> 40:09.875 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, why are you leaning on this confidence that you're going to get when he's like, oh, so he's kind of irritated. 40:10.255 --> 40:11.978 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm going to go drop off one of my applications. 40:11.998 --> 40:14.000 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, where's I got this taco shop? 40:14.020 --> 40:16.163 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay, but here's what I want to tell you. 40:16.223 --> 40:17.665 [SPEAKER_00]: If you meet the manager, 40:17.645 --> 40:22.353 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to tell you something that's going to go way further and speak to this generation way more than to your generation. 40:22.593 --> 40:23.174 [SPEAKER_03]: Let's go. 40:23.475 --> 40:25.579 [SPEAKER_00]: You shake that man's hand firmly. 40:25.599 --> 40:29.185 [SPEAKER_00]: He has you looking his eyes and you let him know when he's asking you questions. 40:30.347 --> 40:37.659 [SPEAKER_00]: You let him know that you are a hard worker and even though you don't have experience, you're very willing to figure it out and you will do whatever it takes to make the job happen. 40:38.000 --> 40:39.502 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, give me some of that. 40:39.683 --> 40:39.943 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 40:40.003 --> 40:42.808 [SPEAKER_00]: These are, this is the 40:42.788 --> 40:50.604 [SPEAKER_00]: whoever you're talking to's ears to know that you are not the typical kid that's just going to like, you know, phone it in and wants the money's not going to do the work. 40:51.386 --> 40:53.290 [SPEAKER_00]: If I was that guy, I'd be like, I want to hear that kid. 40:53.450 --> 40:54.192 [SPEAKER_00]: You're right now. 40:54.212 --> 40:58.321 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to fire one of my 30 year olds because he's not doing this is exactly what happened. 40:58.601 --> 41:00.966 [SPEAKER_00]: So he leaves Elizabeth and I are kind of disappointed. 41:01.030 --> 41:04.496 [SPEAKER_00]: Because he can't get a job like I don't know we're kind of holding the tension. 41:05.137 --> 41:06.479 [SPEAKER_00]: He comes back 20 minutes later. 41:06.499 --> 41:07.381 [SPEAKER_00]: 20 minutes. 41:07.401 --> 41:08.002 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like sun. 41:08.723 --> 41:09.424 [SPEAKER_00]: What happened? 41:09.444 --> 41:11.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, did you drop off application? 41:11.828 --> 41:13.351 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, no, I got a job. 41:13.391 --> 41:16.997 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, at the dark. 41:17.467 --> 41:18.489 [SPEAKER_00]: Dude, you're good. 41:18.969 --> 41:20.371 [SPEAKER_00]: Dude, you're really good. 41:20.892 --> 41:22.234 [SPEAKER_00]: You're having this best part. 41:22.575 --> 41:28.123 [SPEAKER_00]: He comes in and he couldn't wait to just like, you know, just be like, yeah, it told you. 41:28.344 --> 41:31.348 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, in that job 20 minutes, this is what happened. 41:31.388 --> 41:34.513 [SPEAKER_00]: So the story goes, he walks in, he has his application. 41:35.118 --> 41:37.561 [SPEAKER_00]: And no, it turns out he had turned in his application. 41:37.621 --> 41:39.203 [SPEAKER_00]: He was going into follow-up. 41:39.223 --> 41:40.665 [SPEAKER_00]: And he just said, hey, he's a manager here. 41:40.805 --> 41:41.246 [SPEAKER_00]: Really? 41:41.306 --> 41:41.546 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 41:41.807 --> 41:44.931 [SPEAKER_00]: He went in and said, head to my application the other day. 41:45.171 --> 41:46.373 [SPEAKER_00]: Just wanted to follow-up on that. 41:46.413 --> 41:50.178 [SPEAKER_00]: And he shook his hand, I contact the whole thing. 41:50.198 --> 41:54.964 [SPEAKER_00]: And the guy's like, uh, you got five minutes right now for an interview and he's like, I've got nothing going on. 41:55.104 --> 41:56.285 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, no problem. 41:56.305 --> 41:58.528 [SPEAKER_00]: So he sits him down and does like a quick 10-minute interview. 41:58.548 --> 41:58.909 [SPEAKER_00]: Awesome. 41:59.089 --> 42:00.431 [SPEAKER_00]: Ask him a handful of questions. 42:00.491 --> 42:01.492 [SPEAKER_00]: He does great on the answer. 42:01.532 --> 42:04.416 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, well, do you want to start working tomorrow? 42:04.396 --> 42:05.097 [SPEAKER_00]: I would love to. 42:05.518 --> 42:06.620 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that is awesome. 42:06.640 --> 42:20.684 [SPEAKER_00]: Get a job in dude like you know 10 literally 10 minutes and I'm sharing that long story just to give an example of like I think for me and just the reminder even like you're highlighting. 42:21.626 --> 42:23.569 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like that stuff. 42:24.443 --> 42:27.829 [SPEAKER_00]: is so, that's so easy actually to pass on. 42:27.989 --> 42:32.937 [SPEAKER_03]: It's not really that hard, but it's so hard if no one passes it onto you. 42:33.097 --> 42:34.580 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, exactly. 42:34.720 --> 42:36.723 [SPEAKER_00]: Your life becomes so hard, so hard. 42:36.843 --> 42:40.309 [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I had some, but not a lot of that. 42:40.289 --> 42:44.997 [SPEAKER_00]: And so a lot of that came from like, for me, like, who do I, who would I want to hire? 42:45.338 --> 42:46.780 [SPEAKER_00]: What would I expect in a kid? 42:47.061 --> 42:48.603 [SPEAKER_00]: Right, if I owned a restaurant or whatever. 42:48.623 --> 42:48.844 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 42:49.385 --> 42:54.273 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we just kind of, you know, in that space of challenging him, dude, he owned it. 42:54.553 --> 42:56.076 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was so cool for him. 42:56.096 --> 42:56.196 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 42:56.617 --> 42:58.500 [SPEAKER_00]: And also cool for me, like, see, dude. 42:58.480 --> 43:04.046 [SPEAKER_00]: I like when you understand what you're stepping into and you follow the way of wisdom. 43:04.226 --> 43:05.367 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh, dude, it happens. 43:05.387 --> 43:08.210 [SPEAKER_03]: So anyway, this is another huge one. 43:08.730 --> 43:15.858 [SPEAKER_03]: So I really like doing what we've been doing going through small things to realize you're actually teaching legacy. 43:15.878 --> 43:20.342 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, okay, a huge issue right now, a huge issue. 43:20.362 --> 43:24.066 [SPEAKER_03]: I was actually just talking to, well, I'm going to keep this confidential, 43:24.046 --> 43:25.228 [SPEAKER_03]: I was talking to somebody about this. 43:25.548 --> 43:26.049 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, sure. 43:27.090 --> 43:33.079 [SPEAKER_03]: Kids not getting their licenses, not leaving the house, not knowing how to get a job. 43:33.099 --> 43:37.084 [SPEAKER_03]: So they're 30 years old, boys and men's bodies. 43:37.285 --> 43:37.866 [SPEAKER_03]: Yep. 43:38.226 --> 43:46.678 [SPEAKER_03]: Or girls and women's bodies, living at home, and that is so destructive to your children. 43:46.658 --> 43:47.059 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 43:47.079 --> 43:52.146 [SPEAKER_03]: So I literally, literally conversation at my family dinner table last week. 43:52.366 --> 43:53.187 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 43:53.207 --> 43:58.214 [SPEAKER_03]: It's just like literally what happens is kind of coincidental because I wasn't planning I'll talk about this. 43:58.374 --> 43:58.795 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 43:58.815 --> 44:03.962 [SPEAKER_03]: We had a conversation about with my kids are six, eight, 11 and 13. 44:03.982 --> 44:04.482 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 44:04.502 --> 44:04.643 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 44:04.783 --> 44:06.004 [SPEAKER_03]: But I was literally at the dinner table. 44:06.085 --> 44:11.392 [SPEAKER_03]: I was like, you all know you can't live here after you graduate, right? 44:11.432 --> 44:11.552 [SPEAKER_03]: I 44:12.882 --> 44:18.770 [SPEAKER_03]: And they like they like scrunch their heads and I guess I think I knew that it's like they're probably like thinking like why aren't we talking about this. 44:18.910 --> 44:27.062 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but like because I want them to into it that what I'm doing is growing you up to become a man who goes out into the world. 44:27.182 --> 44:32.950 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and follows Jesus and then and we literally continue that conversation it started with hey y'all know you can't live here after you graduate right. 44:32.930 --> 44:45.328 [SPEAKER_03]: Now, we didn't temper that with saying, hey, if you're in time of trouble, if you're in a transition, you know, all these things, you know, but I was like, but it was a launching pad of saying, almost not realize what's happening and no, they don't realize what's happening, but I'm going to tell them anyway. 44:46.110 --> 44:51.057 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm trying to teach you to grow up and follow Jesus and there's some things that's going to meet. 44:51.037 --> 44:57.871 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that means that one and these are things we, we didn't number them, but I was a couple things I said, I was like, I expect you all to stick together. 44:57.931 --> 44:58.532 [SPEAKER_03]: You're all a brothers. 44:59.013 --> 45:04.364 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, a gustan has this great phrase for his monks who's like, when you, when you go out of the monastery. 45:04.404 --> 45:05.767 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, stay together. 45:06.288 --> 45:08.472 [SPEAKER_03]: When you arrive at your destination. 45:08.452 --> 45:09.333 [SPEAKER_03]: stay together. 45:09.774 --> 45:18.086 [SPEAKER_03]: And I tell my sons this all the time and you go out of this house whether it's riding your bike down the street or whether it's you graduate and you know, you're off to college and you guys stick together. 45:18.306 --> 45:18.566 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 45:18.626 --> 45:24.895 [SPEAKER_03]: One of you's going to get broken up with and you're going to need to offer your brother a place on your couch to crash and talk to your stars. 45:25.356 --> 45:28.340 [SPEAKER_03]: You're going to and if you have trouble finding a job, your brother's going to let you sleep at his house. 45:28.360 --> 45:30.083 [SPEAKER_03]: You're not coming to my house. 45:30.103 --> 45:31.184 [SPEAKER_03]: You guys are going to stick together. 45:31.204 --> 45:32.246 [SPEAKER_03]: I expect you to stick together. 45:32.406 --> 45:35.370 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 45:35.485 --> 45:37.709 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, like, and Lauren chimed in on this one. 45:37.729 --> 45:39.312 [SPEAKER_03]: She was like, y'all need it. 45:39.572 --> 45:40.454 [SPEAKER_03]: You're gonna need it. 45:41.515 --> 45:50.130 [SPEAKER_03]: So I kind of know, but it was, it was just laying down, like, you know, I'm gonna send you out of the house and I want you to find a godly, wonderful woman to marry. 45:50.170 --> 45:52.715 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, and again, six and eight listening to this. 45:52.775 --> 45:53.516 [SPEAKER_02]: Do they understand? 45:53.677 --> 45:54.278 [SPEAKER_02]: Of course not. 45:54.618 --> 45:56.061 [SPEAKER_03]: That's why I'm laying it down early. 45:56.081 --> 46:00.328 [SPEAKER_03]: Like this is what, and I told him, you know how we got to church every Sunday? 46:00.376 --> 46:18.790 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, whether we want to or not, whether we're tired or not, whether you want to or not to just because we're one, we're doing many other things, but one of the things we're doing is laying down a pattern of one of the most important things you're going to do when you leave this house is go find a local church community to root in. 46:18.770 --> 46:32.710 [SPEAKER_03]: Because now you don't have this household anymore, yeah, you're going to need a new community to root in and the church is the first place you find that and then we talked about getting a job and also stuff and again, this is like Wednesday, my family dinner, the early house and he's was probably a 10 to 15 minute conversation. 46:32.810 --> 46:33.491 [SPEAKER_03]: Pullable. 46:33.651 --> 46:35.954 [SPEAKER_03]: Like if they were older, they would have been groaning and rolling their eyes. 46:35.974 --> 46:37.657 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, yes, but they're young enough now. 46:37.717 --> 46:40.761 [SPEAKER_03]: Again, families can make weird things normal. 46:40.741 --> 46:41.122 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 46:41.242 --> 46:41.683 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 46:41.703 --> 46:41.943 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 46:42.063 --> 46:51.360 [SPEAKER_03]: And when you're talking to your kids about legacy stuff, young, like I expect you to grow old, you know, have kids and get married and follow Jesus and get a job. 46:51.380 --> 46:55.548 [SPEAKER_03]: And this is actually what it looks like you're laying down simple stuff. 46:56.189 --> 46:58.834 [SPEAKER_03]: But to them, to the world on balance, 46:59.303 --> 47:00.586 [SPEAKER_03]: This is huge stuff. 47:00.646 --> 47:04.114 [SPEAKER_03]: Like the little things are the legacy things. 47:04.134 --> 47:06.118 [SPEAKER_03]: He eats them young and don't stop. 47:06.459 --> 47:07.000 [SPEAKER_00]: You know? 47:07.301 --> 47:16.502 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, dude, I want to reflect that is so helpful and I agree that our children will become who we tell them, we see them becoming. 47:16.482 --> 47:18.365 [SPEAKER_00]: That's part of the blessing, right? 47:18.385 --> 47:19.968 [SPEAKER_00]: That's part of the blessing in the future. 47:20.028 --> 47:29.845 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think by you even saying that, what it does, whether they know it or not, is it actually wells up in them to be this type of person that lives this out. 47:30.286 --> 47:34.754 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, intuitively, like to start to know, like, no, that's what men do. 47:34.794 --> 47:35.875 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we do in the home. 47:36.356 --> 47:39.081 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's a little different for, you know, I'm trying to think of, 47:39.061 --> 47:54.239 [SPEAKER_00]: It's very easy with my son because of, because he's a male, because of his personality, because of his strength in the world, to just be declarative and vision casting and then support him and send him. 47:54.259 --> 47:55.081 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 47:55.101 --> 47:56.344 [SPEAKER_00]: It had has to happen. 47:56.324 --> 47:56.885 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 47:56.905 --> 47:59.451 [SPEAKER_03]: Always do they need to be challenged. 47:59.551 --> 48:00.673 [SPEAKER_00]: They need to call for it. 48:00.714 --> 48:01.956 [SPEAKER_00]: They're still skin in the game, man. 48:02.197 --> 48:02.798 [SPEAKER_03]: Mothering. 48:03.259 --> 48:04.983 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, seven year old when they're 16. 48:05.003 --> 48:06.767 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, you're going to mess them up. 48:06.787 --> 48:08.911 [SPEAKER_03]: He has to be challenged initiated. 48:09.152 --> 48:10.555 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not exactly what's happening. 48:10.575 --> 48:15.425 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, but I would just say as as as I have three daughters, I'm finding it. 48:15.506 --> 48:16.628 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a different type. 48:16.608 --> 48:18.793 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, because I think you're your on point here. 48:18.953 --> 48:35.207 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything I just said You bothers the daughters and mothers of daughters and no, you're gonna have to adapt Yeah, you have to adapt, but I want to just say like it's gonna feel a little different to your daughters if you're like women I encourage you Find a strong male with a successful job 48:35.187 --> 48:48.151 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's a weird line there, but I think the point being that it is setting the tone in your home about you expect because I think with my daughters, it's more like curious questions like, hey, do you ever want to be married? 48:49.173 --> 48:49.313 [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm. 48:49.333 --> 48:49.894 [SPEAKER_00]: That's so good. 48:50.114 --> 48:51.337 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to have kids someday? 48:52.439 --> 48:52.579 [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm. 48:52.599 --> 48:55.063 [SPEAKER_00]: And what's funny is, I never put pressure on my daughters. 48:55.384 --> 48:56.746 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's a lot like two of them right now. 48:56.766 --> 48:57.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm never having a baby. 48:57.828 --> 48:58.409 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to hurt. 48:58.429 --> 48:59.271 [SPEAKER_00]: Ever. 48:59.251 --> 49:01.413 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like that's totally fine and a normal thing. 49:01.493 --> 49:03.075 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was like, what do we understand? 49:03.095 --> 49:05.377 [SPEAKER_00]: That's something you and your husband can decide when you're married. 49:05.397 --> 49:07.619 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, it looks more like that. 49:07.660 --> 49:09.421 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I think I'd be scared of the whole idea. 49:09.441 --> 49:11.904 [SPEAKER_00]: If I understood it fully at your age, like, I would be very scared. 49:11.924 --> 49:17.590 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, so anyway, you know, I don't, it's fun because I with Duke. 49:17.690 --> 49:18.591 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm that same way. 49:18.731 --> 49:18.911 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 49:19.111 --> 49:22.535 [SPEAKER_00]: And with my daughters, I feel like it is a very, it's a little bit different of a new one. 49:22.635 --> 49:23.756 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm really glad you're new on thing. 49:23.776 --> 49:23.976 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 49:23.956 --> 49:45.888 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, just simply because it's like, and especially as a dad, you hold so much weight, but my job, even with my girls, is showing them that there is safety, and there is security in the male part of this home, and that there's trust in that you want to find a man that does these types of things. 49:46.229 --> 49:52.478 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's almost even reinforcing the type of person they're looking for, and I expect you, 49:52.458 --> 50:05.369 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you can't live your that idea looks more like we're going to help you thrive and because anytime like see like as a boy and as a man personally, but as a young boy and as a man like myself, I would hear that and go, yeah, I can't live here. 50:05.489 --> 50:06.291 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to figure it out. 50:06.853 --> 50:08.256 [SPEAKER_00]: A girl might hear that as rejection. 50:08.236 --> 50:22.505 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yes, and it's really good and such an interesting thing because you say the same thing in the same heart And it's like received differently, and this is where I know I mean I think that's far enough to know If I had daughters at that table, and I would not have had that conversation I'm jealous that you get to have it so directly. 50:22.525 --> 50:26.553 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm actually like part of it was like man of you so cool It'd be like girls we're out of here. 50:26.573 --> 50:29.198 [SPEAKER_02]: Get out of the house 50:29.178 --> 50:46.377 [SPEAKER_00]: You know how to do like maybe I hope you stay here forever and I think this the other part like you heard the voice memo from Sloan I used my youngest daughter told you I was like I'm so jealous you get then I was like this I get voice memo like that daddy I love you I can't wait to see you and I can't wait to see you like 50:46.812 --> 51:08.138 [SPEAKER_00]: It's different on that front because they're like, you know, they're like these little versions of these little ladies that there's a natural species that you're wanting to protect and you want to hand on you want to pass legacy to your daughters as a father in a different way through security through example through showing what it looks like to be a strong man to have strength under control. 51:08.178 --> 51:10.221 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't always do this well, by the way. 51:10.201 --> 51:20.333 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I think that is the goal with our men with our boys, it's to to challenge them to live into it and to live up to it and to to live it out and to help them do it with our daughters. 51:20.413 --> 51:26.921 [SPEAKER_00]: It's similar, but it looks very different in the sense that we want to help them be as successful as they feel called to be just like our boys. 51:26.981 --> 51:30.064 [SPEAKER_00]: But at the very same time, how we get to that end is going to be different. 51:30.345 --> 51:30.445 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 51:30.465 --> 51:34.229 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, we need to move on to a few things before we close the season out. 51:34.349 --> 51:35.010 [SPEAKER_00]: But 51:35.108 --> 51:37.171 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, lots of things we've been going on over in the past. 51:37.492 --> 51:39.836 [SPEAKER_03]: Although, because I want to talk about technology is ritual. 51:39.996 --> 51:46.366 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yes, like on ordinary things being opportunities for extraordinary legacy moments. 51:46.506 --> 51:51.955 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, I think we both agree giving your kids a phone is a major moment. 51:52.335 --> 51:58.365 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, maybe more important now than like, you know, driving or first kiss or first job or 51:58.345 --> 52:03.372 [SPEAKER_03]: So I just think a lot about, um, don't squander this moment. 52:04.033 --> 52:04.394 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 52:04.414 --> 52:16.472 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't just throw a smart phone at them in six grade because they saw an apple commercial and they want one for Christmas and their friend likes it and the or either or so and so has one. 52:16.452 --> 52:22.725 [SPEAKER_03]: You need to see a smart phone as a ritual of adulthood, which means two things. 52:23.807 --> 52:28.697 [SPEAKER_03]: One, you don't give children portals into the adult world. 52:29.057 --> 52:30.159 [SPEAKER_03]: It's just very unhelpful. 52:30.520 --> 52:31.963 [SPEAKER_03]: And we've lived like in a... 52:31.943 --> 52:38.750 [SPEAKER_03]: And a confusing time where it's been normal, I think it's rapidly becoming not normal, which I'm really, really grateful for. 52:38.790 --> 52:42.733 [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of our practical points on this at hangtendmovment.com. 52:43.074 --> 52:44.835 [SPEAKER_03]: We're in the school of thought. 52:45.276 --> 52:50.581 [SPEAKER_03]: Laura and I joke that we started a movement to justify not giving our kid a smartphone. 52:50.601 --> 52:52.122 [SPEAKER_03]: So that we can tell who you're in his friends. 52:52.142 --> 52:53.564 [SPEAKER_03]: No, you're not going to get into your 16. 52:54.004 --> 53:01.191 [SPEAKER_03]: Because 10th grade, a 16, is not only when your brain is actually starting to become a chore enough to deal with this stuff. 53:01.171 --> 53:07.261 [SPEAKER_03]: But also when you're at a point of life of driving and friendships and a lot of things have already happened very natural. 53:07.381 --> 53:09.164 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it might be the right time to have it. 53:09.345 --> 53:12.190 [SPEAKER_03]: Some people might want to wait longer, but don't do it earlier. 53:12.230 --> 53:19.602 [SPEAKER_03]: And that opportunity can be a time to talk about so many virtues and ethics. 53:20.611 --> 53:30.341 [SPEAKER_03]: For example, so we just gave with a dump phone because he's an eighth rate and and he knows he's not going to get a smart phone until 10th grade when he's 16, but he's 13 now. 53:30.401 --> 53:34.946 [SPEAKER_03]: He needs a way to text and communicate with us just call received calls because he got so many practices. 53:35.386 --> 53:50.061 [SPEAKER_03]: His friends are texting and we want actually we do want him to be a part of that social life with training wheels and he was mad about the 53:50.041 --> 53:52.263 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm of the opinion like you got to push back on that. 53:52.303 --> 54:18.090 [SPEAKER_03]: These are like kind of silly vanities and I want to raise a kid who has tough enough skin to have a green bubble in a world of blue bubbles like okay so I was like look this is this is fine but but anyway you can I post about this you can read it on hangtendmovement.com or on Instagram I share videos about this technology stuff but we just gave them a list of 10 things some of which were like hey 54:18.070 --> 54:20.015 [SPEAKER_03]: you're old enough to be in the word before you get on that phone. 54:21.038 --> 54:24.929 [SPEAKER_03]: So you can either do your quiet time at night or in the morning, but it needs to be part of your daily rhythm. 54:25.551 --> 54:27.998 [SPEAKER_03]: We talked about how I'm going to be looking at that phone. 54:28.038 --> 54:29.983 [SPEAKER_03]: We can see everything in this phone. 54:30.064 --> 54:30.545 [SPEAKER_03]: We got it. 54:30.565 --> 54:33.092 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to share device type, it's because 54:33.072 --> 54:56.076 [SPEAKER_03]: Honestly, I don't think there's any perfect one and there's a lot of good options and I don't want to preference one, but we have a phone that we can see into everything that's happening and that was a moment for me to talk to him about, hey, as you become a man, you need light, you need transparency, you need accountability, the world of private browsing, the world of hidden lives, the world of secrets is not the world of walking with Jesus. 54:56.056 --> 54:58.039 [SPEAKER_03]: And so we're going to make it normal. 54:58.279 --> 55:02.987 [SPEAKER_03]: I do this with my friends, with your mom, like people can look at my phone. 55:03.548 --> 55:09.216 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to be able to look at your, and you're teaching through little practical stuff of like, here's how this device works and here's how we're going to use it. 55:09.457 --> 55:13.423 [SPEAKER_03]: You're teaching huge lesson lessons, so like Ephesians walk in the light, you know? 55:13.403 --> 55:31.362 [SPEAKER_03]: And I could go through all the things, but I don't want to, I just want to say you should think about moments as mundane as giving your kid a technology device as actually extraordinary moments to talk about big life things and leave legacy. 55:31.460 --> 55:33.703 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, couldn't agree more. 55:33.763 --> 55:37.328 [SPEAKER_00]: We actually originally had the rule of 18. 55:37.348 --> 55:43.697 [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted them to be an adult before we got a smart phone and that's interesting. 55:43.738 --> 55:47.082 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because I kind of feel it's too late because well, so they got it. 55:47.102 --> 55:48.184 [SPEAKER_03]: They got to learn into your roof. 55:48.424 --> 55:49.245 [SPEAKER_00]: So what do you think? 55:49.265 --> 55:49.526 [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry. 55:49.546 --> 55:52.750 [SPEAKER_00]: I know, you know, we came to the same conclusion. 55:53.071 --> 56:00.201 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we recognized really quickly that that's a great idea, but it doesn't do what you just said. 56:00.181 --> 56:02.926 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we told Duke, hey, we're going to change our mind. 56:03.648 --> 56:05.351 [SPEAKER_00]: When your 16, it feels like a very normal time. 56:05.692 --> 56:07.035 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what's going to look like similar thing. 56:07.075 --> 56:08.177 [SPEAKER_00]: We can see everything in your phone. 56:08.618 --> 56:09.920 [SPEAKER_00]: We have a bunch of screen time stuff. 56:10.221 --> 56:11.203 [SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't have Safari. 56:11.323 --> 56:12.446 [SPEAKER_00]: He can't download apps. 56:12.766 --> 56:16.694 [SPEAKER_00]: We have it set up in such a way that it is operationally more of a dumb phone. 56:16.714 --> 56:19.219 [SPEAKER_00]: But it has all the things that he needs. 56:19.199 --> 56:25.591 [SPEAKER_00]: But I want to say that it's okay to change your mind and I just want to say this. 56:25.611 --> 56:26.753 [SPEAKER_00]: Just and you said something really great. 56:27.174 --> 56:28.978 [SPEAKER_00]: You shouldn't give your kids a smartphone until 16. 56:29.639 --> 56:30.180 [SPEAKER_00]: I agree with you. 56:30.200 --> 56:33.566 [SPEAKER_00]: 100% that's exactly what we did for all the reasons you said. 56:33.587 --> 56:36.352 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's so much backing this now, it is silly. 56:36.552 --> 56:37.294 [SPEAKER_00]: Hanks just generation. 56:37.454 --> 56:38.035 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah. 56:38.015 --> 56:39.697 [SPEAKER_00]: all the different stuff coming out, read it. 56:40.438 --> 56:42.942 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so real, but I want to say this. 56:43.202 --> 56:47.408 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of you have already given your kids smartphones and you are regretting it. 56:47.468 --> 56:52.275 [SPEAKER_00]: You're hearing this and you're having the nudging your spirit that says, I've already done it. 56:52.535 --> 56:53.016 [SPEAKER_00]: It's too late. 56:53.456 --> 56:54.298 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't undo this. 56:54.978 --> 57:03.330 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just want to say, it doesn't make something better by keeping the wrong thing going. 57:03.715 --> 57:18.819 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you have made a mistake and you have given your kid a phone to early, I think as a legacy lesson to your kids, it can look something like, hey, we have changed our mind about this because by the way, parents, it's okay to change your mind. 57:19.540 --> 57:22.905 [SPEAKER_03]: By the way, it's a sign of grace in your life when you realize I've made a bad decision. 57:22.885 --> 57:35.023 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I need to fix it and you can what a life lesson for your kids to say hey made a bad decision I know this is hard, but we don't see this being good for you and we don't think that this is going to be the best thing for you to grow. 57:35.404 --> 57:39.810 [SPEAKER_00]: My job is to help you know how to move through the world in flourish and this is not going to help you do that. 57:40.471 --> 57:46.440 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you tell them that and you apologize and you own the fact that you made the mistake and then you move to the next thing. 57:46.480 --> 57:48.183 [SPEAKER_00]: So therefore we're going to take the phone. 57:48.223 --> 57:49.445 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to make it. 57:49.465 --> 57:50.466 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to change it. 57:50.507 --> 57:51.508 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to 57:51.488 --> 57:52.810 [SPEAKER_00]: But I just want to give you permission. 57:52.890 --> 57:53.391 [SPEAKER_00]: You can do that. 57:53.431 --> 57:54.312 [SPEAKER_00]: There's framework for that. 57:54.332 --> 57:56.115 [SPEAKER_00]: There's framework for them to be disappointed. 57:56.215 --> 57:57.697 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay for your kids to be disappointed. 57:57.737 --> 57:59.139 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay for your kids to be mad at you. 57:59.539 --> 58:02.023 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay for your kids to be like, they gave me a smartphone and then they took it away. 58:02.564 --> 58:04.987 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you did because you didn't fully understand the situation. 58:05.087 --> 58:07.351 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you do and you've made it a change. 58:07.651 --> 58:10.615 [SPEAKER_00]: But just keeping it because it's uncomfortable to do what the problem is not the answer. 58:11.216 --> 58:16.163 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just wanted to highlight that because I think you and I have landed in that same space. 58:16.143 --> 58:19.348 [SPEAKER_00]: differently, but actually the same spot because it felt very natural with Duke. 58:19.368 --> 58:23.515 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, no, I want him to have the skills in my home before he leaves. 58:24.316 --> 58:34.453 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we kind of came to that conclusion on our own, but then as we've been in it, I'm like, no, this is very much the right time because we're already like a bro, people over phone, you know, like, here's the etiquette. 58:34.553 --> 58:39.201 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's what you know, teaching them all the things that he kind of, because now he has a phone that's interesting before it was not interesting. 58:39.221 --> 58:39.441 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 58:39.742 --> 58:39.982 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 58:40.183 --> 58:40.323 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 58:40.583 --> 58:42.927 [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway, it's there's a great 58:42.907 --> 58:47.574 [SPEAKER_03]: I got I got two more ideas to leap and these are kind of like these will start to zoom us out. 58:47.734 --> 58:47.935 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 58:47.955 --> 58:48.676 [SPEAKER_00]: If that's okay. 58:48.696 --> 58:49.557 [SPEAKER_03]: I said the big picture. 58:49.778 --> 58:49.998 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 58:50.098 --> 58:52.442 [SPEAKER_00]: I was going to say let's go there to as we in this episode. 58:54.425 --> 58:54.545 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 58:54.725 --> 59:09.488 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm specifically thinking of men and boys here and I think it's helpful because we're thinking about fathers and talking to fathers, calling them into manhood is a big part of leaving your legacy. 59:09.991 --> 59:14.897 [SPEAKER_03]: Because when you say to your child, I want to teach you to be a man that follows Jesus. 59:15.598 --> 59:20.684 [SPEAKER_03]: There are so many questions you have to then answer about what is a man, doesn't mean to follow Jesus. 59:21.865 --> 59:26.651 [SPEAKER_03]: And I have found rituals to be helpful to mark these moments. 59:27.252 --> 59:32.798 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so one little one was when we turned 13, was to give him a Bible on a journal. 59:33.760 --> 59:35.762 [SPEAKER_03]: And so you're beginning the journey to manhood. 59:38.105 --> 59:39.727 [SPEAKER_03]: You need two things to be a man. 59:40.648 --> 59:43.692 [SPEAKER_03]: You need to know God and you know yourself. 59:43.732 --> 59:45.494 [SPEAKER_03]: Bibles for the first, journals for the second. 59:46.275 --> 59:50.640 [SPEAKER_03]: This is what a man does, you know, a man reads the Bible and a man reflects. 59:51.401 --> 59:54.224 [SPEAKER_03]: There are many other things a man does, but these two are pretty close to the foundation. 59:54.484 --> 59:54.785 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 59:55.746 --> 01:00:01.733 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that level is, I think that probably equates perfectly fine to donors too, that one. 01:00:01.713 --> 01:00:07.099 [SPEAKER_03]: Another thing we did that has was really neat and I think I'm curious to see where this goes. 01:00:07.500 --> 01:00:15.609 [SPEAKER_03]: Was we just got a couple of our 13-year-olds somewhere 14 actually together and we did a night of just dads and sons camping. 01:00:16.290 --> 01:00:21.796 [SPEAKER_03]: So we went out to a place 30 minutes west of Richmond and we gave them each a hatchet. 01:00:21.876 --> 01:00:29.965 [SPEAKER_03]: Now it was actually presented by one of their quote unquote honorary uncles, 01:00:29.945 --> 01:00:49.956 [SPEAKER_03]: seven, five, or seven, like three, and one, actually, you know, he is little little, but he wanted to come because we wanted to sort of uncles to be a part of this and we gave him a hatchet, Matt actually presented it and we had a lot of conversation, but Matt actually gave a great little speech about how we're trying to initiate you in a manhood and it is kind of like this hatchet. 01:00:50.897 --> 01:00:57.167 [SPEAKER_03]: It can be an incredibly powerful tool for surviving, creating life, 01:00:57.147 --> 01:01:00.810 [SPEAKER_03]: can also be a very dangerous weapon if you do not learn how to wield it. 01:01:01.211 --> 01:01:01.851 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 01:01:01.871 --> 01:01:03.973 [SPEAKER_03]: And if you wield on the wrong way, we'll kill you or others. 01:01:04.354 --> 01:01:07.677 [SPEAKER_03]: And he had much more, you know, he's eloquent. 01:01:07.697 --> 01:01:10.419 [SPEAKER_03]: He's also an equal scout in the Navy and good camper. 01:01:10.880 --> 01:01:11.080 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:01:11.140 --> 01:01:12.181 [SPEAKER_02]: Here's the right guy to give this lesson. 01:01:12.201 --> 01:01:12.421 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 01:01:12.642 --> 01:01:15.464 [SPEAKER_03]: But we told them, and I tell my senses all the time. 01:01:16.225 --> 01:01:19.288 [SPEAKER_03]: And I tell other people this all the time. 01:01:19.308 --> 01:01:23.031 [SPEAKER_03]: One of the most dangerous things in the world is a boy in a man's body. 01:01:23.392 --> 01:01:23.752 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 01:01:24.012 --> 01:01:26.935 [SPEAKER_03]: And I tell them you don't become a man. 01:01:26.915 --> 01:01:27.756 [SPEAKER_03]: by getting older. 01:01:28.537 --> 01:01:29.818 [SPEAKER_03]: You don't become a man by getting bigger. 01:01:30.759 --> 01:01:32.521 [SPEAKER_03]: You become a man by starting to act like one. 01:01:33.502 --> 01:01:35.324 [SPEAKER_03]: And then come all the questions, who doesn't mean to act like one? 01:01:35.364 --> 01:01:37.446 [SPEAKER_03]: And like that's what that's what these years are about. 01:01:37.506 --> 01:01:44.033 [SPEAKER_03]: From 13 till I send you out of the house, I intend to send you out of the house as a man who knows how to walk with Jesus. 01:01:44.093 --> 01:01:51.601 [SPEAKER_03]: You know how to love, who knows how to use a phone, who knows how to drive, who knows how to get a job, who knows how to have a quiet time, all these things we're talking about. 01:01:52.101 --> 01:01:53.563 [SPEAKER_03]: But that doesn't just happen to you. 01:01:53.881 --> 01:01:57.306 [SPEAKER_03]: And neither does legacy just happen to us. 01:01:58.048 --> 01:02:03.276 [SPEAKER_03]: It happens in these interactions where we soup down to call them forward and mark moments. 01:02:04.258 --> 01:02:11.950 [SPEAKER_03]: In the woods or, you know, at the couch, teaching about their phone, and by the way, we gave them those speeches, and then we said, um, part of your journey is actually, we're not staying with you tonight. 01:02:11.970 --> 01:02:12.651 [SPEAKER_03]: We're leaving peace. 01:02:12.731 --> 01:02:15.055 [SPEAKER_03]: You guys are staying out here alone tonight. 01:02:15.255 --> 01:02:15.796 [SPEAKER_02]: Are you serious? 01:02:15.816 --> 01:02:17.138 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it was awesome. 01:02:17.118 --> 01:02:17.919 [SPEAKER_02]: What did they do? 01:02:17.959 --> 01:02:19.021 [SPEAKER_02]: They loved it. 01:02:19.121 --> 01:02:19.662 [SPEAKER_02]: Of course. 01:02:20.243 --> 01:02:23.108 [SPEAKER_02]: They felt so big and cool. 01:02:23.468 --> 01:02:25.231 [SPEAKER_02]: So you guys, how far away were you guys? 01:02:25.412 --> 01:02:27.415 [SPEAKER_03]: Um, we're just a couple lots. 01:02:27.455 --> 01:02:29.979 [SPEAKER_03]: We stayed over at like a house and the edge of the woods. 01:02:30.540 --> 01:02:32.123 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, so you guys, but they were alone. 01:02:32.223 --> 01:02:32.824 [SPEAKER_03]: They were alone. 01:02:32.844 --> 01:02:33.705 [SPEAKER_03]: They didn't have phones. 01:02:33.745 --> 01:02:37.672 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, they knew they could make the, you know, 10 minute walk to find us if they needed. 01:02:37.712 --> 01:02:39.615 [SPEAKER_00]: So that it was that it's so cool. 01:02:39.835 --> 01:02:42.720 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I mean, I would have been willing to go farther because. 01:02:42.700 --> 01:02:46.765 [SPEAKER_03]: These are 13, 14-year-olds, they're going to be okay, something goes wrong. 01:02:46.805 --> 01:02:49.409 [SPEAKER_03]: They're going to hike their way out and figure it out. 01:02:49.729 --> 01:02:59.102 [SPEAKER_03]: And guess what, if we don't let them start to have those kinds of risks and bear those kinds of responsibilities, then they won't know how to take risks or bear responsibilities. 01:02:59.603 --> 01:03:04.389 [SPEAKER_03]: And we'll put boys and men's body and we know what that does to the world. 01:03:05.631 --> 01:03:11.138 [SPEAKER_03]: Boys and men's bodies hurt themselves and destroy others and Jesus followers can't do that. 01:03:11.118 --> 01:03:14.564 [SPEAKER_03]: So we left them in the woods and you know, and this is just the beginning, right? 01:03:14.664 --> 01:03:26.663 [SPEAKER_03]: I love those little things, are the big things, I think giving away your death a big part of it is initiating legacy into the young. 01:03:27.993 --> 01:03:41.970 [SPEAKER_00]: I've really enjoyed this season of conversations and you know this is again a framework of formation discipleship becoming more like Jesus and hopefully this season's given you language. 01:03:42.770 --> 01:03:46.735 [SPEAKER_00]: I pray this framework has helped you think about your life, your fatherhood, your marriage. 01:03:48.017 --> 01:03:57.628 [SPEAKER_00]: We have some fun bonus episodes that we're going to be releasing and you know stay 01:03:57.608 --> 01:04:02.677 [SPEAKER_00]: As far as this season goes, I just want to just and thank you for your wisdom. 01:04:02.937 --> 01:04:04.380 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for the rich conversation. 01:04:04.460 --> 01:04:10.290 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for the deposit into this community, into me as a friend. 01:04:10.370 --> 01:04:13.034 [SPEAKER_00]: Being a constant learner helps me. 01:04:13.074 --> 01:04:22.350 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm in that same boat of having the passion to be a constant learner and so fun to have these conversations because I'm always learning from you in different ways and so 01:04:22.330 --> 01:04:30.903 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a real treat to have this conversation and talk about the deep parts of our lives and hearts, things that we're good doing well and things that we're really not great at. 01:04:31.404 --> 01:04:31.785 [SPEAKER_03]: Amen. 01:04:32.506 --> 01:04:32.826 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 01:04:32.846 --> 01:04:33.547 [SPEAKER_03]: It's been a joy. 01:04:33.567 --> 01:04:46.347 [SPEAKER_03]: I love talking about this framing of time and I just want to maybe give the obvious but really important reminder to everybody listening that none of this makes sense. 01:04:46.327 --> 01:04:53.775 [SPEAKER_03]: Now, this makes sense at all without the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the lamb that was slain. 01:04:53.795 --> 01:05:09.272 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, if you think about, we're assuming and so much what we're saying, which I think is okay, people know what we're talking about, but listen, listen, there's nothing redemptive about your death if Jesus did not die and rise again, because it's just gone. 01:05:09.493 --> 01:05:10.193 [SPEAKER_03]: Everything's gone. 01:05:10.234 --> 01:05:11.635 [SPEAKER_03]: There's no hope for you. 01:05:12.276 --> 01:05:16.080 [SPEAKER_03]: It all burns out like a fire, 01:05:16.634 --> 01:05:35.470 [SPEAKER_03]: in terms of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, that there is time, eternity to come, and that momentum, more a reminder of our death that will become resurrection in Jesus just like heroes from His dead, and suddenly this becomes opportunity to say, life is worth getting together. 01:05:35.450 --> 01:06:02.097 [SPEAKER_03]: And actually it's worth giving away and actually now I can give my death away because I realize I Only gain in doing that none of this makes sense without the good news of Jesus Christ giving his life for us So I just want everyone to go in that piece because that's the only way any of this makes any sense over how any of us have any hope Well said until next season Justin It's been a pleasure. 01:06:02.297 --> 01:06:03.358 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a great pleasure. 01:06:03.398 --> 01:06:04.900 [SPEAKER_00]: See you guys soon