WEBVTT 00:00.655 --> 00:03.320 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, hello, Comphi Dons. 00:03.340 --> 00:07.066 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, welcome to another episode of Confidently and Take Your. 00:07.667 --> 00:11.755 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be a very mellow Monday episode for you. 00:12.917 --> 00:18.326 [SPEAKER_00]: I am currently doing one of our little, like, pot on the goes where I'm not in this studio. 00:18.426 --> 00:20.670 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm about 20 feet away from it. 00:20.690 --> 00:22.133 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually sitting on my couch. 00:23.074 --> 00:24.537 [SPEAKER_00]: No pant on. 00:24.517 --> 00:31.763 [SPEAKER_00]: pulling a pants on because I had a migraine today. 00:32.544 --> 00:34.946 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, the grudge came early. 00:35.767 --> 00:54.523 [SPEAKER_00]: Wasn't I'm sure I've done a migraine episode in the six, seven years that I've been doing this podcast, but if you don't know, I get migraines every now and that I'm really lucky that I don't have a bad, like some people I know where it takes constant, 00:54.503 --> 01:09.260 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe once twice a year, hormonal migraine or triggered migraine from certain atmospheric things or whatever, and they're not just any migraine. 01:09.560 --> 01:18.030 [SPEAKER_00]: They are the migraine from fucking literally Satan's asshole. 01:18.010 --> 01:24.538 [SPEAKER_00]: If you know someone that gets true migraines, go give them a hug right the fuck now. 01:25.019 --> 01:34.351 [SPEAKER_00]: Pause this episode and tell them you're sorry that their fucking blood vessels hate them that much because it is the worst thing ever. 01:34.752 --> 01:38.196 [SPEAKER_00]: I get migraines with aura which 01:38.176 --> 01:40.119 [SPEAKER_00]: First of all, migraines are different from a headache. 01:40.259 --> 01:44.664 [SPEAKER_00]: Migraines are like, I can't, like, function. 01:44.724 --> 01:49.090 [SPEAKER_00]: And we just accept that as an okay thing to have. 01:49.150 --> 01:51.133 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we're just like, yep, some people just get that. 01:51.673 --> 01:56.460 [SPEAKER_00]: Some people just get the worst possible headache imaginable. 01:56.500 --> 02:02.928 [SPEAKER_00]: And I can literally feel my, like, a main, what's this called? 02:02.948 --> 02:05.972 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, my tempo. 02:05.952 --> 02:16.833 [SPEAKER_00]: I give you my temple vein, thoroughbbing, and not in the good pathway in the like, I'm, I think there's a bomb about to detonate in my brain. 02:17.775 --> 02:19.639 [SPEAKER_00]: And, not just that. 02:20.080 --> 02:22.284 [SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no, that's just the beginning of it. 02:22.845 --> 02:26.532 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, aura migraines affect you visually. 02:26.713 --> 02:28.416 [SPEAKER_00]: You start to see 02:28.396 --> 02:32.463 [SPEAKER_00]: Crazy zigzag pat and again not the fun. 02:32.503 --> 02:39.636 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm tripping balls kind not the like this this I could tell like like uh-oh, why is there suddenly like static in my vision? 02:39.676 --> 02:52.159 [SPEAKER_00]: And why is there snow going across the screen of my eyes and okay cool now I literally can only see out of tiny little triangles out of my eyeballs by the way if you see any light 02:52.139 --> 02:56.065 [SPEAKER_00]: It makes it worse and hurts a hundred thousand fifty times more. 02:56.085 --> 03:07.260 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and don't worry You have about like 15 minutes between when you see that first zigzag and a full blown migraine That you have time to take a medication. 03:07.280 --> 03:12.628 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're somewhere like I don't know five minutes away from your house at a coffee shop That you go to all the time with your dog 03:12.608 --> 03:28.710 [SPEAKER_00]: And it starts to zigzag, you have to then have your dog medically escort you basically jog home because you can't fucking see anything and you just know that it's coming and then the whole time every time one starts I'm going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 03:28.690 --> 03:46.615 [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't it and I have emergency pills that I like travel with and things like that Like I used to be so afraid of them that I would take my emergency pills everywhere But they happen so infrequently that I'm like, why would I burn this emergency pills to this like Move me that I'm going to see you know what I mean? 03:47.708 --> 03:58.403 [SPEAKER_00]: And usually caffeine helps, so I was standing ordering my coffee and I went to the guy so sweet, he was trying to say hi to hippo and I'm like, I'm sorry, I think I'm just starting to get a migraine out of nowhere. 03:58.844 --> 04:04.812 [SPEAKER_00]: Can I have a double espresso shot because you usually get a free coffee when you buy a bag of beans, which I was buying? 04:05.773 --> 04:12.242 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was, and he gave me the double espresso shot and said, the cup of coffee, you were really in place of it. 04:12.262 --> 04:14.205 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, you didn't have to do that. 04:14.185 --> 04:15.567 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, don't worry about it. 04:15.727 --> 04:18.891 [SPEAKER_00]: Bitch, I threw that shot back so fast. 04:19.372 --> 04:20.493 [SPEAKER_00]: And I knew it was on. 04:20.553 --> 04:22.316 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, OK, we got to get home, have a let's go. 04:22.696 --> 04:25.920 [SPEAKER_00]: And I gave him the let's go home command, which I've been teaching him on walkies. 04:26.501 --> 04:28.223 [SPEAKER_00]: And this and the look of a book did. 04:28.323 --> 04:31.087 [SPEAKER_00]: I think he could smell that a migraine was happening. 04:31.267 --> 04:32.048 [SPEAKER_00]: And I looked that up. 04:32.108 --> 04:37.375 [SPEAKER_00]: Apparently dog was can smell on your breath, something that you can't smell as humans. 04:37.355 --> 04:38.076 [SPEAKER_00]: whatever. 04:38.417 --> 04:49.115 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, get home, fly through the door, take two emergency pills, plus a colony, which is basically a blood pressure medication that's supposed to show you the fuck out. 04:50.237 --> 04:53.963 [SPEAKER_00]: And mind you, I've already taken my adorals for the morning. 04:55.090 --> 05:05.474 [SPEAKER_00]: I've had a total of two shots of espresso, a clonidine, a migraine pill, and my heart is just going, what the fuck is going on. 05:05.995 --> 05:14.314 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I am lucky that I've had them for 15 years now, that I've bought enough tools. 05:14.294 --> 05:31.071 [SPEAKER_00]: Like certain neck massagers, then I mask massagers and Rubs and cells and I mask cover things and like I head ice packs just a whole bunch of bullshit that actually I do think helps when you're in pain like that and I 05:32.384 --> 05:57.885 [SPEAKER_00]: Also had heard of this trick on the talk, where's my TikTok taught me, but in where if you stick your feet in scalding hot water, like, as hot as you can possibly stand, it will open your blood vessels and draw the blood away from your head, because it's like, whoa, wire, feet on fire all of a sudden, we like send all the blood down there. 05:57.865 --> 06:01.430 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what, I fucking went in my bathroom. 06:01.530 --> 06:04.715 [SPEAKER_00]: I turned out all the lights, hip okay with me because he wouldn't leave my side. 06:05.496 --> 06:07.459 [SPEAKER_00]: And I put that bitch on scalding. 06:07.740 --> 06:10.464 [SPEAKER_00]: The kind where it was so hot that was actually cold on my feet, t's. 06:11.325 --> 06:14.410 [SPEAKER_00]: And I stood there and I did my breathing exercises. 06:15.070 --> 06:15.731 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what? 06:15.772 --> 06:21.079 [SPEAKER_00]: The aura, the zigzag stuff started to go away. 06:21.820 --> 06:24.885 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, holy shit, I think this is working. 06:24.865 --> 06:30.573 [SPEAKER_00]: mind you is probably also the caffeine in the pills kicking in, but this was within like five minutes. 06:30.593 --> 06:32.275 [SPEAKER_00]: This was like too soon for it all to kick in. 06:32.776 --> 06:39.805 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, God damn, I think this might have actually helped because that's like one of my least favorite symptoms. 06:39.865 --> 06:45.373 [SPEAKER_00]: I can take a lot of symptoms of the migraine, but the aura is like so scary and annoying. 06:45.433 --> 06:48.036 [SPEAKER_00]: And every single time happens, I'm like, is this a stroke? 06:48.197 --> 06:49.599 [SPEAKER_00]: Is this my brain neunerism? 06:49.619 --> 06:52.122 [SPEAKER_00]: Is this the time I'm going to, 06:52.102 --> 06:59.794 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I called my wife shout out Adley and I just was like I just need someone on the phone. 06:59.994 --> 07:02.278 [SPEAKER_00]: I just need to like FaceTime or someone I just need to support. 07:03.640 --> 07:07.246 [SPEAKER_00]: And obviously because he's the sweetest boy in the world, it was like bet I'm here for you. 07:07.286 --> 07:07.806 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you need? 07:08.568 --> 07:10.230 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was like googling a different thing. 07:10.270 --> 07:13.515 [SPEAKER_00]: There was so sweet he even like texted his aunt and we'd get to really bad migraine. 07:13.535 --> 07:16.540 [SPEAKER_00]: So like get some sick Justin's and I was like 07:16.520 --> 07:29.134 [SPEAKER_00]: The thing about the athlete and I that we love about each other and we say this all the time whenever we're doing like our gratitude or whatever stuff is that like we're very good at taking care each other when the other person is sick or down or depressed. 07:29.154 --> 07:30.976 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we're very good at sharing the other person up. 07:31.497 --> 07:46.493 [SPEAKER_00]: I also think it's because we're very empathetic and so we actually like feel bad when the other person feels bad and we're like all right we need to get we both need to 07:46.473 --> 08:09.696 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but it sucks like it sucks that we can't be there for each other in those hard moments and so He just was there genuinely to support me and give me whatever we need and it was so sweet I kept trying to be like, okay, I let you get back to oh, because by the way, he wasn't feeling good He had a cold he had a game that he played on Friday 08:09.676 --> 08:13.643 [SPEAKER_00]: He had a clean sweep or clean sheet is what they call it a clean sheet. 08:13.663 --> 08:15.626 [SPEAKER_00]: We're no one's going to go on it. 08:15.746 --> 08:17.810 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was like five zero that they won that game. 08:18.290 --> 08:21.776 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think he'd probably got a little cold because it was the weather had changed in Germany. 08:22.758 --> 08:29.930 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, he wasn't feeling well, but I kept being like, okay, I let you go like you go rest or do whatever and he was like, no, I want to hang out. 08:30.010 --> 08:31.392 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, we're not really hanging out. 08:31.412 --> 08:33.095 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just like laying here like moaning. 08:33.155 --> 08:34.738 [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, does it okay? 08:34.718 --> 08:54.870 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I did my like laying down and my breathing exercise and everything and then of course the next wave that comes from the symptoms is the nausea yeah and I'm talking about I had the only two things I had eaten two things that I had eaten was those two shots of espresso 08:55.458 --> 09:04.540 [SPEAKER_00]: Those are the only two things that I had eaten that day so far, and I was like, I feel like I've just eaten a junk burrito and I'm going to yak it all up. 09:05.001 --> 09:10.294 [SPEAKER_00]: So of course, and this is a thing that I tell my any partner I've been with since 15. 09:10.763 --> 09:17.210 [SPEAKER_00]: When I have a migraine, and I get nauseous, I always feel better after throwing up. 09:17.550 --> 09:22.776 [SPEAKER_00]: I know it sounds crazy, and I'm gonna fight it, and I'm like, oh, no, we're the wrong way, we're gonna put you the wrong way, we're the wrong way. 09:22.996 --> 09:23.677 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I don't throw up. 09:23.737 --> 09:25.278 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not wearing, I don't drink anymore. 09:25.298 --> 09:28.942 [SPEAKER_00]: So when the fuck do I ever throw up, I throw up one time since I had food poisoning since I quit drinking. 09:28.982 --> 09:29.323 [SPEAKER_00]: I was it. 09:29.783 --> 09:31.425 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's always migrates. 09:31.585 --> 09:33.847 [SPEAKER_00]: I hate throwing up that. 09:33.867 --> 09:34.408 [SPEAKER_00]: And... 09:34.388 --> 09:38.751 [SPEAKER_00]: The thing is it's so true every time I throw up. 09:38.771 --> 09:42.390 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it's like I'm just releasing some pressure or what 09:43.400 --> 09:47.185 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, but you know, I had the act and There's a hot tip. 09:47.205 --> 10:05.469 [SPEAKER_00]: This might be disgusting for some listeners, and I'm sorry, but people need to know If you throw up right after drinking coffee, it kind of was like it was kind of like having another coffee You know guys, it's so gross. 10:05.489 --> 10:06.710 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so sorry. 10:06.850 --> 10:08.773 [SPEAKER_00]: I thought wrong. 10:08.793 --> 10:08.833 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh 10:09.961 --> 10:17.406 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, I pop corn because I was the only thing that sounded good, and then I watched, what did I watch? 10:18.213 --> 10:22.919 [SPEAKER_00]: I just finished blowing through Squid Game, the competition reality series. 10:22.959 --> 10:24.881 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm all kind of on that, I think. 10:25.142 --> 10:25.642 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I am. 10:26.163 --> 10:31.930 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm also all caught up on physical 100 Asia in case I got any fellow listeners out there. 10:32.371 --> 10:33.432 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this is what I watch. 10:33.813 --> 10:36.476 [SPEAKER_00]: Because obviously, my documentary comes out December 17th. 10:36.616 --> 10:39.660 [SPEAKER_00]: Never forget, tickets will be on sale. 10:39.720 --> 10:41.082 [SPEAKER_00]: I think next week. 10:41.062 --> 10:53.213 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and so I've been, I'm always watching Docs, but I heard about this really good one called Don't Date Brandin on Paramount Plus and holy shit y'all. 10:53.293 --> 11:02.040 [SPEAKER_00]: It's three episodes, the power of women, the power of friendship, the power of women helping other women get out of domestic violence, relationships. 11:02.340 --> 11:11.068 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it was, when we talk about like systemic failures and the cops being 11:11.048 --> 11:18.319 [SPEAKER_00]: Especially in California, they can't do anything basically till you're dead to the person that you want to file a report against. 11:18.339 --> 11:20.462 [SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the police report basically doesn't do shit. 11:20.482 --> 11:21.624 [SPEAKER_00]: It just makes it on record. 11:21.664 --> 11:22.726 [SPEAKER_00]: They can't actually do anything. 11:23.247 --> 11:25.751 [SPEAKER_00]: But that doc is crazy. 11:25.911 --> 11:27.173 [SPEAKER_00]: I highly recommend it. 11:28.134 --> 11:32.601 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that like they make people 11:32.581 --> 11:35.745 [SPEAKER_00]: that are in law enforcement watch these docks. 11:36.386 --> 11:53.070 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was definitely a goal that Marley and myself had with our documentary is like we want to get this in the hands of lawmakers, policy changers, universities, people that can be a strong voice in community that are strong community leaders, 11:53.050 --> 11:57.925 [SPEAKER_00]: because we think our dog has the power to change lives and to change laws. 11:58.326 --> 12:01.957 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a lot of times media that does that stuff. 12:03.361 --> 12:06.992 [SPEAKER_00]: So speaking of the dog, not to be too self-promotey, but 12:08.255 --> 12:11.360 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the doc comes out December 19th or 17th. 12:11.620 --> 12:12.141 [SPEAKER_00]: Ooh, sorry. 12:12.862 --> 12:13.804 [SPEAKER_00]: And here's the thing. 12:14.565 --> 12:22.537 [SPEAKER_00]: It is a live screening and you can watch it for up to two weeks after you buy a ticket. 12:22.558 --> 12:28.727 [SPEAKER_00]: It's $20 for the live screening for the full movie. 12:29.448 --> 12:34.937 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's a Q&A afterwards with myself and Marley. 12:34.917 --> 12:38.383 [SPEAKER_00]: That is after the film that I think is 10 bucks. 12:38.403 --> 12:39.946 [SPEAKER_00]: So all in is 30 bucks. 12:40.487 --> 12:44.234 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to see if I can get some early bird discounted prices. 12:44.294 --> 12:50.225 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's like I think you'd be by the ticket the day of, but we're going to try to do some early tier. 12:50.466 --> 12:52.028 [SPEAKER_00]: And of course, like confinant prices. 12:52.630 --> 12:53.972 [SPEAKER_00]: And here's the thing. 12:53.952 --> 13:08.216 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if you're not going to watch it, even if you're not going to see it, if I've ever made you anything that has helped you in your life, all I ask is that you consider the donation of your time or money or funds or passing along the lake. 13:08.237 --> 13:11.021 [SPEAKER_00]: Hell, you can gift the screening to a friend for all I care. 13:11.883 --> 13:14.948 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been working on this doc for four plus bucking years. 13:15.670 --> 13:25.495 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so important to me that it gets seen and gets people talking about it and tweeting about it or Instagram about it or whatever. 13:26.740 --> 13:30.524 [SPEAKER_00]: to get it out wider, like that is the goal. 13:30.544 --> 13:35.088 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything about this film has been built on the backs of favors of people in the industry. 13:35.128 --> 13:39.012 [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone's been doing it for cheap, for free, for spare time. 13:39.052 --> 13:44.517 [SPEAKER_00]: Like everything about this film has been put together by people who just care about the subject matter. 13:44.557 --> 13:48.080 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is all I ask of you guys. 13:48.100 --> 13:49.202 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna see me promoting it. 13:49.282 --> 13:50.803 [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of my socials coming up. 13:50.823 --> 13:52.385 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna see me talking a lot about it. 13:52.945 --> 13:55.988 [SPEAKER_00]: And just know that I wouldn't be doing that 13:56.575 --> 14:02.342 [SPEAKER_00]: that important to me and I believe to the world and a lot of other people as you'll learn in the doc. 14:04.885 --> 14:07.988 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've been binging docs obviously. 14:08.008 --> 14:16.598 [SPEAKER_00]: I just finished one about different psychedelics that have helped soldiers with PTSD. 14:17.259 --> 14:24.507 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just stuff like that that I'm like, how do we make 14:24.487 --> 14:29.471 [SPEAKER_00]: want to watch, you know, and how do we get it seen on a broader scale? 14:29.591 --> 14:37.658 [SPEAKER_00]: Because our movies come out on a platform that's owned by Patreon, called Moment, and so that's awesome and amazing. 14:37.759 --> 14:45.826 [SPEAKER_00]: We love it and Patreon's legit and so cool and supported by a lot of creators, but we would love for a streamer to pick it up. 14:45.846 --> 14:54.493 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it would be so fucking cool if like a Hulu and Apple, a Netflix, 14:54.473 --> 15:00.062 [SPEAKER_00]: to see it and want to put it on their platforms. 15:01.004 --> 15:08.938 [SPEAKER_00]: And the other thing is it's like, I think there has to be a certain amount of ticket sold for it to be considered like successful. 15:09.078 --> 15:09.418 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 15:09.458 --> 15:11.161 [SPEAKER_00]: I still, I'm, we're still in the edit. 15:11.201 --> 15:12.824 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm still cutting the trailer as we speak. 15:12.884 --> 15:19.215 [SPEAKER_00]: So, I lost a lot of time today due to this f***ing micro. 15:19.195 --> 15:42.763 [SPEAKER_00]: And the good news is I pretty much fell asleep on the couch after taking all my meds for like an hour and a half and it was the deepest fucking most restorative sleep of all god damn time and I woke up and you're kind of in like a hazy a good day there were my and our supposed to go over to the nt's house former co exactly tell us and watch the new Frankenstein film with Jacob alordie. 15:42.803 --> 15:45.186 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to see him like looking like a little freak. 15:46.060 --> 15:47.763 [SPEAKER_00]: ones of you, I'm looking like a little freak. 15:47.783 --> 15:50.687 [SPEAKER_00]: He looks like a little hot freak, a little disfigured freak. 15:52.109 --> 16:01.383 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and I'm sad I missed this screening because I woke up and I was like, dude, I'm so sorry, but I am just coming out of this funky haze and I need to like put my life together. 16:01.403 --> 16:14.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you need to know why I need to put my life back together, stay tuned because I'm going to tell you right after this quick bite. 16:16.756 --> 16:21.586 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, so life has been crazy. 16:21.606 --> 16:28.901 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been going back to 12 step meetings, which I still haven't talked very deeply about. 16:28.941 --> 16:37.498 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm reading this book called a gentle way through the 12 steps, so like anyone dealing with a 12 step program. 16:37.478 --> 16:51.664 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's actually just a very, like a kind of low key thing everyone should do read it and learn about addictive behaviors and addiction and disease of, you know, it spans through everything. 16:51.704 --> 16:55.290 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it's not just out of all drugs like everyone thinks like it can be sugar. 16:55.390 --> 16:56.232 [SPEAKER_00]: It can be gambling. 16:56.252 --> 16:56.993 [SPEAKER_00]: It can be sex. 16:57.053 --> 16:58.195 [SPEAKER_00]: It can be God. 16:58.676 --> 17:00.820 [SPEAKER_00]: You can literally get addicted to anything. 17:00.850 --> 17:17.087 [SPEAKER_00]: Remember those people that like eight weird things on that one show like my strange addiction they would eat like cotton balls and just like it's it's brain it's brain misfiring and I I certainly coming from a family of people with drug addiction. 17:17.067 --> 17:29.965 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, what's judgmental, I was very judgmental of people that had this, and what called a disease, because I was like, eh, it's not cancer, it's like, what are you talking about? 17:30.506 --> 17:46.348 [SPEAKER_00]: But it, this book talks so much about like the science, and you all know, I'd be about that science behind them information, it helps me understand it, it helps me absorb it better, 17:46.328 --> 18:13.737 [SPEAKER_00]: they have now been able to use imaging and research and therapeutic techniques and they've been able to put all the stuff we put in a medicine finally into the disease of addiction and prove results and like prove positive things that have come from 12 set programs in community and that is a big part of it 18:13.717 --> 18:43.504 [SPEAKER_00]: all of these diseases are so isolating and like shameful and feels like the bottom barrel for so many people and you know they they talk about having like the green monster inside of you right like it's not you it's the green monster like it's the other you it's the attic to you it's whatever they you know they have a million of her names for it but when I get frustrated in myself 18:43.484 --> 18:47.269 [SPEAKER_00]: I try to remember that like that's her talking. 18:47.469 --> 18:48.330 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not me. 18:49.031 --> 18:52.956 [SPEAKER_00]: It's her popping in to be like, oh, hey, you seem vulnerable. 18:52.997 --> 18:53.738 [SPEAKER_00]: You seem tired. 18:53.798 --> 18:55.580 [SPEAKER_00]: You seem lonely, angry, hungry. 18:55.660 --> 19:05.072 [SPEAKER_00]: Like here's an idea and anything that I don't want to do even though I know it's good for me. 19:05.092 --> 19:11.601 [SPEAKER_00]: I know is her talking rather than the real Kelsey because I know who the real Kelsey is and it's not that. 19:11.581 --> 19:28.662 [SPEAKER_00]: So I thought that was like an interesting little tidbit, but it also just goes into like the actual neural chemistry of addiction to and like the statistics and the amount of like relapse being a part of recovery and 19:28.642 --> 19:44.001 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to obviously do a lot of a deeper subject matter topic on this, but I'm still so new into it because I poo poo 12 step programs were so long that I want to get more 19:43.981 --> 19:47.947 [SPEAKER_00]: experience and knowledge under my belt to share it with you guys. 19:48.168 --> 19:54.397 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you have someone in your life that has addiction or deals with that, this is a great book to read. 19:54.458 --> 20:08.740 [SPEAKER_00]: It's called the gentle way through the 12 steps or a gentle path through the 12 steps, the book so far away from me, doing anything physical or like physically getting on Pets been, but so hard for me to do 20:08.720 --> 20:32.232 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so there's the that and dealing with that in between trying to finish this edit for the documentary and The good news about the book coming out next year, which I think pre-orders will go on sale this year around the holidays Is that I It's in the design phase right now like because the illustrator is illustrating most of the book Like don't fucking panic was illustrated. 20:33.053 --> 20:36.297 [SPEAKER_00]: I just get to sit back and relax for a couple of weeks I just get to go like 20:36.277 --> 20:37.620 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you do this. 20:37.860 --> 20:38.803 [SPEAKER_00]: You do the hard part now. 20:39.604 --> 20:40.867 [SPEAKER_00]: And I give a focus on other things. 20:40.887 --> 20:41.589 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's nice. 20:43.433 --> 20:48.604 [SPEAKER_00]: But it just feels like all of that is happening at the same time as I've mentioned instead every week. 20:49.526 --> 20:51.450 [SPEAKER_00]: Going to Europe. 20:51.430 --> 20:57.980 [SPEAKER_00]: for six months and y'all who's from your opinion because it be gray over there. 20:58.581 --> 21:09.338 [SPEAKER_00]: It looks hella gray for the winter and I know that's probably not revelatory to you but damn y'all you got like no sunshine January through April or May. 21:09.976 --> 21:15.583 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, damn, I'm gonna be really cold and in coffee shops and like, does everyone have depression lamps? 21:15.603 --> 21:18.587 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I just need to know how you guys are surviving over there in the winter. 21:18.647 --> 21:25.776 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I know everyone goes to Spain and stuff and that's fine and bandy, but like, actually, how you all live in over there. 21:26.477 --> 21:31.263 [SPEAKER_00]: Cause I've been packing and it's so funny how much I thought I was gonna bring. 21:31.303 --> 21:37.030 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I've watched like 1200 TikToks about winter and Europe and I'm like, 21:37.010 --> 21:45.717 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to wear most of this shit that I put aside already because I've been dry running living out of suitcases just like see what I do and don't wear. 21:45.757 --> 21:49.770 [SPEAKER_00]: And, bro, I was I had like tank tops. 21:51.404 --> 22:13.682 [SPEAKER_00]: I had shit in there looking back, but I'm like, no, so every day I'm trying to like take out one piece of something out of the pile and that gives me like I think literally 30 days exactly or something until I leave so I should get rid of like 30 pieces of stuff, hopefully that's the plan. 22:13.662 --> 22:15.104 [SPEAKER_00]: So, okay. 22:15.725 --> 22:24.358 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that was like a lot for a little, but it was also a little for a podcast, and this is more just like I a little meant to be breakdown health check in. 22:25.059 --> 22:30.568 [SPEAKER_00]: Mental breakdowns and mental breakdowns and, you know, migraines. 22:30.768 --> 22:35.535 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the caption this week. 22:35.515 --> 22:45.369 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're listening to this on a new day, on a Monday, moving the morning, maybe at night, I don't know what you're up to, but it's a new day. 22:45.409 --> 22:49.716 [SPEAKER_00]: And we have infinite possibilities to turn this fucking day around. 22:49.756 --> 22:54.523 [SPEAKER_00]: We can make even my grains and mine it into gold. 22:54.543 --> 22:56.025 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to think of a better metaphor for that. 22:56.105 --> 23:04.898 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyone got one turn my grains into muffins, turn my grains into masqueradean, turn my grains into miracles. 23:04.878 --> 23:05.379 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 23:06.321 --> 23:06.622 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 23:06.923 --> 23:10.049 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, anyway, we're going to do that. 23:10.270 --> 23:12.936 [SPEAKER_00]: So give yourself some kisses to me. 23:13.537 --> 23:14.760 [SPEAKER_00]: We'll see you next week. 23:15.341 --> 23:17.005 [SPEAKER_00]: I love you very much, Comfy Dawns. 23:17.386 --> 23:19.671 [SPEAKER_00]: You guys are my favorite part of the week. 23:19.691 --> 23:23.259 [SPEAKER_00]: And we'll do the same time safe place, thanks a lot. 23:23.279 --> 23:23.359 [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.