WEBVTT 00:02.343 --> 00:04.847 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey friends, welcome to the Christian Parenting Podcast. 00:05.007 --> 00:11.236 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Steph Thirling, and I am so glad that you are here today to receive some encouragement in your faith and your parenting. 00:11.877 --> 00:22.832 [SPEAKER_01]: I am joined by author and TV journalist, Jillian Benfield, and we're talking about a theme that every parent knows very well, living overwhelmed and grateful at the same time. 00:22.812 --> 00:27.419 [SPEAKER_01]: Gillian shares how a series of unexpected events really reshaped her faith. 00:27.980 --> 00:34.509 [SPEAKER_01]: What it looks like to avoid toxic positivity and how to practice the simple word and in real life. 00:34.990 --> 00:43.923 [SPEAKER_01]: So we're going to get practical with dinner table, highs and lows, short daily prayers, and a helpful lens from the Psalms, which is order, disorder, and re-order. 00:44.524 --> 00:48.871 [SPEAKER_01]: All of this and even more is covered in her new book, overwhelmed and grateful, so check that out. 00:48.911 --> 00:50.473 [SPEAKER_01]: I have links in the show notes. 00:50.453 --> 01:00.473 [SPEAKER_01]: But before we dive in, please just take a moment to follow the show wherever you listen and leave a quick review because your review is help more parents find this podcast and get the encouragement that they need. 01:00.794 --> 01:01.575 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much. 01:01.675 --> 01:04.581 [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate it so much and enjoy this conversation with Jillian. 01:11.547 --> 01:14.252 [SPEAKER_01]: Jolian, welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 01:14.272 --> 01:15.514 [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, thank you so much for having me. 01:15.755 --> 01:16.957 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm really excited. 01:16.997 --> 01:20.003 [SPEAKER_01]: We get to dive right into your book and about you. 01:20.063 --> 01:22.287 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think we're never really good conversation. 01:22.327 --> 01:28.218 [SPEAKER_01]: We already got to talk a little bit about the things we have in common, which is the Space Coast of Florida, which is super fun. 01:28.258 --> 01:30.282 [SPEAKER_01]: So hopefully we get to meet in person someday. 01:30.262 --> 01:31.104 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope so too. 01:31.124 --> 01:33.752 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, next time you come, we're going to go to the beach for sure. 01:33.892 --> 01:36.018 [SPEAKER_00]: Small town will probably run into each other anyway. 01:36.339 --> 01:36.520 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:36.941 --> 01:37.362 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:37.382 --> 01:37.483 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:37.503 --> 01:37.603 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 01:37.623 --> 01:44.603 [SPEAKER_01]: We'll tell us give us a little bit of an introduction you live in Florida, but tell us about yourself, what you do, tell us about your family, all the good things. 01:44.964 --> 01:45.064 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 01:45.365 --> 01:45.966 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's see. 01:45.986 --> 01:47.227 [SPEAKER_00]: I am married to Andy. 01:47.387 --> 01:49.469 [SPEAKER_00]: We have been married for 16 years. 01:49.709 --> 01:56.035 [SPEAKER_00]: I used to be a TV journalist and I thought I would go back into television news after taking one year off. 01:56.075 --> 01:57.757 [SPEAKER_00]: He was in the military at the time. 01:57.997 --> 02:03.202 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we got our next assignment, so he just had this one year residency program because he he's an orthodontist. 02:03.542 --> 02:05.424 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I thought I'd go back into TV news. 02:05.584 --> 02:12.491 [SPEAKER_00]: And then we got the news that we were moving to Albany border new Mexico where there is no TV stations let alone a target. 02:13.612 --> 02:14.933 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was. 02:14.913 --> 02:17.235 [SPEAKER_00]: That's kind of where my story landed. 02:17.255 --> 02:20.018 [SPEAKER_00]: It was thin in Alamagordo. 02:20.179 --> 02:23.822 [SPEAKER_00]: We found out that we were having a child with Downson Drum. 02:23.842 --> 02:26.145 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that really changed everything for me. 02:26.265 --> 02:28.728 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I wasn't in TV news. 02:28.848 --> 02:32.592 [SPEAKER_00]: I started writing about my experience with my son with Downson Drum on the internet. 02:32.832 --> 02:34.233 [SPEAKER_00]: And now here I am. 02:34.273 --> 02:36.316 [SPEAKER_00]: So now I'm a mom of three. 02:36.356 --> 02:42.422 [SPEAKER_00]: Also in this book, I talk about my third child who was born with multiple medical complexities. 02:42.402 --> 03:00.892 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a very typically developing daughter a son with a disability and then a youngest child who who is healthy now But at the time when he was born it was it was very touched and go there for a while So we have kind of run the gamut of parenting my oldest is 12 my youngest is eight This is my second book. 03:01.413 --> 03:05.119 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I'm from TV journalist to to author and 03:05.099 --> 03:05.519 [SPEAKER_01]: I love it. 03:05.820 --> 03:14.269 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I love that you so will never really share your story, because I think that's just such a powerful way to make parents and everyone just feel like they're not alone in what they're going through. 03:14.689 --> 03:20.356 [SPEAKER_01]: Because when you're going through some hard things like a diagnosis or a kid being really sick, that can feel really lonely and isolating. 03:20.416 --> 03:22.698 [SPEAKER_01]: So I appreciate that you just share your story. 03:22.758 --> 03:23.379 [SPEAKER_01]: So openly. 03:23.579 --> 03:30.887 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think that I'm used to be a person that 03:30.867 --> 03:44.310 [SPEAKER_00]: and to be honest, my life was very shiny as a young person and then all these unexpected hit us again and again for five years and that's not work for me anymore and I don't really think it works for anyone really. 03:44.351 --> 03:46.935 [SPEAKER_00]: We are all human, we're all 03:47.422 --> 03:51.170 [SPEAKER_00]: subjected to the joys and the sorrows that this world brings. 03:51.511 --> 04:01.872 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's so much better when we can share those with each other instead of trying to do what society often tells us, which is to just a push away the negative. 04:02.072 --> 04:03.315 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be not, don't share that. 04:03.355 --> 04:04.157 [SPEAKER_00]: That's too negative. 04:04.357 --> 04:08.586 [SPEAKER_00]: But actually doing that makes us physically and mentally sick. 04:08.566 --> 04:12.812 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I share more vulnerability than I used to. 04:13.072 --> 04:19.942 [SPEAKER_00]: It's because I know how healing it was for me to read stories and to talk to people who were real about their hard things. 04:20.162 --> 04:28.213 [SPEAKER_00]: And also the ones who I really related to still could be real about the hard things, hands still keep their eyes open to the beautiful things in their life. 04:28.374 --> 04:31.338 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where the manifestation of this book has come. 04:31.518 --> 04:33.200 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because two things can be sure it wants. 04:33.421 --> 04:34.422 [SPEAKER_00]: You can be absolutely. 04:35.414 --> 04:44.324 [SPEAKER_01]: going through something hard and have the joy of the Lord at the same time, even though it's hard to understand unless you have a relationship with Jesus, but it can happen, it can be true. 04:44.784 --> 05:05.387 [SPEAKER_01]: And today we're talking about the two emotions that do seem to go opposite, but you can be at the same time, which is overwhelmed and grateful, and I think those are, I told you before that I think those are two emotions that everybody, every parent feels literally every morning, every morning, like getting the school kids off to school, you're like, 05:05.367 --> 05:28.894 [SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about those things and that specifically the word and in there because you really like to emphasize that that we like to use but or and so explain the distinction between the two of those thing yeah when we say so I'll give you an example right now I have I'm very overwhelmed to my parenting life my daughter is in a main stage. 05:28.874 --> 05:36.227 [SPEAKER_00]: production, she's an actress and singer, and that is taken over our lives in a lot of ways, a lot of driving in every day, right? 05:36.327 --> 05:38.832 [SPEAKER_00]: That's just kind of our normal overwhelm with parenting. 05:38.912 --> 05:43.660 [SPEAKER_00]: And then also, my son with Down syndrome is receiving therapy twice a week. 05:44.062 --> 05:45.124 [SPEAKER_00]: more than an hour away. 05:45.424 --> 05:47.107 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we are very overwhelmed. 05:47.307 --> 06:01.109 [SPEAKER_00]: And I could tell you that say, but we have all these great things going on, you know, he's making progress, but but she's thriving, but we're still happy, you know, whatever, but disconnects that first part of our truth. 06:01.489 --> 06:03.292 [SPEAKER_00]: It's saying it down plays it. 06:03.592 --> 06:10.423 [SPEAKER_00]: And acknowledges the challenges that we are 06:10.403 --> 06:14.348 [SPEAKER_00]: the good things that are still playing out right alongside those challenges. 06:14.909 --> 06:30.570 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just think that we can almost kind of gaslight ourselves when we use the word but and acknowledges that to competing truths can still be true at the same time and it just allows us to live fuller into our humanity. 06:30.750 --> 06:40.343 [SPEAKER_01]: Can you give an example of like how someone in like reframe that thinking just a little bit 06:40.441 --> 06:46.655 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so maybe you are a parent whose child is really struggling at school, right? 06:46.876 --> 06:57.640 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have been there and it can be all encompassing, especially if there are learning challenges or behavioral challenges or both, which I have experienced. 06:57.620 --> 07:13.857 [SPEAKER_00]: with my son and so I just I know how all consuming that that can be and so instead of saying he's really struggling at school but we're good, we're good, we're good, you know it's just saying like he's really struggling with school 07:13.837 --> 07:25.752 [SPEAKER_00]: I also can see how this hard thing is leading me to this good thing or maybe they're not connected and I can also see how this is not my only truth in my life. 07:26.013 --> 07:33.943 [SPEAKER_00]: This yes, this does feel so overwhelming right now and there are also other good truths playing out at the same time. 07:34.163 --> 07:43.675 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's the view from your back window that just brings you so much peace and reminds you of God's goodness every day. 07:43.655 --> 07:51.055 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's a spiritual growth period that you yourself are going through at the same time this hard thing is happening. 07:51.095 --> 07:59.959 [SPEAKER_00]: It just allows us to acknowledge the hard and keep our eyes open to other good truths also playing out alongside. 07:59.939 --> 08:10.957 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love that mindset so much and I want to kind of go back a little bit to what you kind of alluded to at the beginning that kind of concept of toxic positivity like everything is good all the time. 08:11.037 --> 08:17.948 [SPEAKER_01]: So what is the distinction between the two and like if you're a person who tends to lean towards that toxic positivity. 08:17.928 --> 08:20.971 [SPEAKER_01]: or maybe even really negative, but really toxic positivity. 08:21.071 --> 08:25.435 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, how can you understand the difference and make sure that you're not going that way? 08:25.775 --> 08:33.722 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, let me give you an example that when I think of toxic positivity, I, this is just a story that comes to mind every time. 08:33.963 --> 08:38.887 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was when my youngest who was born with kidney issues and he was born with club feet. 08:39.227 --> 08:44.112 [SPEAKER_00]: And so he had this massive cast all like full leg cast as a baby. 08:44.412 --> 08:47.715 [SPEAKER_00]: And this guy came up to me at church 08:47.695 --> 08:48.476 [SPEAKER_00]: the Casper for. 08:48.797 --> 08:51.802 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I told him like all the things that Preston had going on. 08:51.842 --> 08:55.547 [SPEAKER_00]: He also had enough Frost to me too, like a tube draining his kidney at the time, right? 08:55.648 --> 08:56.830 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he was very sick. 08:57.030 --> 09:00.355 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just was kind of explaining what we had been through and what he was going through. 09:00.395 --> 09:04.542 [SPEAKER_00]: And he said, oh, you're blessed, you're blessed, you're blessed, right? 09:04.882 --> 09:06.645 [SPEAKER_00]: That's toxic positive. 09:06.825 --> 09:11.593 [SPEAKER_00]: That is saying, but you have Jesus everything's fine. 09:11.573 --> 09:18.529 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is just not how we are called to be, and it's not how we are called to live with one another. 09:19.190 --> 09:22.878 [SPEAKER_00]: But Jesus was also real about his heart things. 09:23.039 --> 09:23.760 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus slept. 09:23.941 --> 09:26.246 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus asked God to change his fate. 09:26.426 --> 09:28.010 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus was real. 09:28.150 --> 09:29.413 [SPEAKER_00]: He was real with other people. 09:29.393 --> 09:31.918 [SPEAKER_00]: we are supposed to mourn with those who mourn. 09:31.958 --> 09:35.565 [SPEAKER_00]: And also I think that relates to the relationship we have with ourselves. 09:35.605 --> 09:37.869 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it is okay to admit things are hard. 09:37.969 --> 09:39.252 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to grieve. 09:39.272 --> 09:40.554 [SPEAKER_00]: It is okay to be angry. 09:40.615 --> 09:41.977 [SPEAKER_00]: It is okay to be sad. 09:42.839 --> 09:45.023 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think the way that we 09:45.003 --> 09:59.080 [SPEAKER_00]: do that as people who are Christians, who believe in the light of Christ, who have the light of Christ in us and around us, is to bring it all to God and say, I am spent. 09:59.260 --> 10:13.457 [SPEAKER_00]: I am fill in the blank and I know you are still here and I can see you working in this way and I can see how I am not alone, you know, I think that toxic positivity is only 10:13.437 --> 10:17.744 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that we are supposed to hold the darkness and the light together. 10:18.125 --> 10:18.866 [SPEAKER_00]: Both exist. 10:19.067 --> 10:22.913 [SPEAKER_00]: The darkness of this world is real, and so too is the light. 10:23.254 --> 10:30.366 [SPEAKER_00]: And if we only focus on the darkness, then we will become cynical. 10:31.409 --> 10:34.294 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, we will, we'll perish in that way. 10:34.494 --> 10:35.957 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, our souls will still lead you into it. 10:35.977 --> 10:43.009 [SPEAKER_00]: And if we only focus on the light, then we are unable to feel empathy for other people and even ourselves. 10:43.951 --> 10:50.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we, I think we really are meant to live in the end, we're supposed to acknowledge the hard. 10:50.562 --> 10:53.426 [SPEAKER_00]: And always keep our eyes open to the light. 10:53.686 --> 10:53.927 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 10:54.467 --> 11:05.702 [SPEAKER_01]: I think what's so hard about toxic positivity, too, as parents, is that when someone responds, like, I have a very sick child, if someone responds, like, oh, you're so blessed, but you don't feel blessed, and you're like, am I a bad mom? 11:05.722 --> 11:11.791 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm a bad mom if I don't feel like, like, if I'm not liking this part of parenting right now. 11:11.891 --> 11:18.780 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and then you start to doubt yourself, and then you start to go to the negativity way, and it just is so, so hard, but I do feel like our culture. 11:19.402 --> 11:21.645 [SPEAKER_01]: really kind of leans that way. 11:21.905 --> 11:22.526 [SPEAKER_01]: My goodness. 11:22.546 --> 11:24.088 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so isolating, isn't it? 11:24.468 --> 11:27.452 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's such a weird thing. 11:27.532 --> 11:31.137 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't understand why it's so prevalent in Christian culture. 11:31.197 --> 11:42.051 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I feel like Christian, as Christians, we should be able to mostly confide in other Christians, like we are supposed to help each other hold each other's burdens. 11:42.031 --> 11:47.018 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I mean, the Jesus was clear that there will be trouble here. 11:47.078 --> 11:50.402 [SPEAKER_00]: And to he is here, both of those things are true. 11:51.003 --> 11:54.207 [SPEAKER_00]: We are not meant to like every aspect of our lives. 11:54.307 --> 11:57.171 [SPEAKER_00]: I just don't think that that's that's possible. 11:57.231 --> 11:59.735 [SPEAKER_00]: And what an unreasonable expectation. 11:59.755 --> 12:02.318 [SPEAKER_00]: We put on ourselves and put on each other. 12:02.855 --> 12:03.156 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 12:03.176 --> 12:06.081 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that life is hard and life is good. 12:06.542 --> 12:12.592 [SPEAKER_00]: And the way that we get through life with our humanity intact is to live in the end. 12:12.813 --> 12:19.024 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you have any gratitude practices or I guess I keep kind of saying and practices that you do with your kids? 12:19.190 --> 12:41.767 [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, very simply is just like going over our low and our high of the day around the different people and we do that sometimes yeah, I think my kids are like really they don't always want to talk about their clothes, but I try to like, yeah, hold it out of them because I want them to know like, hey, it's okay to not like every aspect of your day it's okay to have felt sad frustrated whatever have you throughout your day. 12:41.788 --> 12:45.113 [SPEAKER_00]: So I want them to like, okay, let's think about this. 12:45.093 --> 12:46.455 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, did you like this? 12:46.695 --> 12:53.265 [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever it is, but just try to encourage them to be willing to share that and also to share the height. 12:53.285 --> 12:55.248 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's very, very simple. 12:55.288 --> 13:01.978 [SPEAKER_00]: I know a lot of people already do that, but like that's something we do with our kids that I think that maybe we don't even do with ourselves enough. 13:02.399 --> 13:05.563 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's keep going over those hard and good things throughout our days. 13:05.583 --> 13:06.004 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 13:05.984 --> 13:11.775 [SPEAKER_01]: We do at the dinner table, we do the best part of your day, the worst part of your day, and then how do you see God today? 13:12.376 --> 13:14.620 [SPEAKER_01]: And everybody goes through and shares. 13:14.660 --> 13:19.669 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I think that and we have to have people, my kids lead it now, like my daughters usually go into ask everyone. 13:19.689 --> 13:25.680 [SPEAKER_01]: So if you come to my house for dinner chances are like she will sit you down and ask you these questions. 13:25.660 --> 13:29.145 [SPEAKER_01]: But we had that people be like, oh, you want to talk about the hard parts? 13:29.425 --> 13:32.510 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to like, yes, because the question three is how did you see God today? 13:32.650 --> 13:38.839 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we get to have the conversation of how God was present in all of the moments, the good, the bad, and everything in between. 13:38.879 --> 13:41.323 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's just so important to talk about with our kids. 13:41.343 --> 13:43.686 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's easy to overlook, because it does feel so basic. 13:43.666 --> 13:59.907 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, I mean, it it might feel basic, but I think that's such a good way to like just train their little hearts that it's okay to admit the hard parts of your day and I love what you added to to to see God in the heart and the good. 13:59.927 --> 14:01.128 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's really good practice. 14:01.369 --> 14:05.674 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, takes take some practice to do it because sometimes we skip it. 14:05.890 --> 14:06.711 [SPEAKER_01]: to anyone listening. 14:06.731 --> 14:08.434 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't even think we do this perfectly every day. 14:09.075 --> 14:14.182 [SPEAKER_01]: But when we are sitting down at the table, we ask those questions and it's helpful for us. 14:14.623 --> 14:15.224 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 14:15.244 --> 14:15.344 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 14:15.364 --> 14:21.673 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to switch gears a little bit kind of because you talk about in your book overwhelmed and grateful. 14:21.713 --> 14:26.821 [SPEAKER_01]: You talk about like order, disorder, and re-order from Walter Brugman in the song. 14:26.901 --> 14:28.904 [SPEAKER_01]: So can you tell us, I really liked that concept? 14:28.924 --> 14:33.350 [SPEAKER_01]: Can you tell us what that looks like and just walk us through it a little bit? 14:33.651 --> 14:35.273 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, a good question. 14:35.253 --> 14:50.578 [SPEAKER_00]: Sure, so Walter Bergman and his book The Spirituality of the Psalms breaks the Psalms into three categories, and he names them orientation, disorientation, reorientation, 14:50.558 --> 14:53.366 [SPEAKER_00]: But basically, the Psalms reflect our lives. 14:53.767 --> 14:57.578 [SPEAKER_00]: They reflect what it's like to be in relationship with God. 14:57.899 --> 15:05.580 [SPEAKER_00]: And we go through these cycles of order, disorder, and reorder, all throughout life again and again. 15:05.560 --> 15:19.704 [SPEAKER_00]: And so why I decided to organize the book in that way is to get people to think of practicing honest gratitude, what I call it, practicing the end, no matter what phase of life we are in. 15:19.764 --> 15:22.749 [SPEAKER_00]: So right now we are in a phase of order. 15:23.150 --> 15:30.943 [SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, my overwhelm is those normal kind of parenting things, like the driving too much. 15:30.923 --> 15:35.053 [SPEAKER_00]: and all the kids' activities and that sort of thing. 15:35.213 --> 15:40.645 [SPEAKER_00]: That's where we're at and what does practicing gratitude look like when you're in a phase of order? 15:40.766 --> 15:43.071 [SPEAKER_00]: What does it look like when you're in phase of disorder? 15:43.592 --> 15:47.802 [SPEAKER_00]: When the storm has come and will any off course? 15:47.782 --> 15:58.879 [SPEAKER_00]: that can be challenging and also I will tell you that in those five years where we lived in turmoil, it also is it gives you a new lens at the same time. 15:58.959 --> 16:07.372 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I've never felt God's presence more in a period of disorder at times, not throughout the whole five years, please don't get me wrong. 16:07.452 --> 16:14.903 [SPEAKER_00]: But those moments where you just feel the realness of God, we're very present and so what does 16:14.883 --> 16:23.214 [SPEAKER_00]: And then reorder is when the storm has passed, you're not back to the way things once were because you could never really go back, not fully. 16:23.875 --> 16:25.297 [SPEAKER_00]: But you're on a new course. 16:26.358 --> 16:31.065 [SPEAKER_00]: And you see the harshness and also the beauty that's where you are. 16:31.085 --> 16:35.170 [SPEAKER_00]: You're reocquainted with God's goodness all over again. 16:35.150 --> 16:37.272 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's a period of resurrection. 16:37.332 --> 16:40.917 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I, I, I said in my first book and I, I talk about it. 16:40.937 --> 16:46.823 [SPEAKER_00]: This book that my hope is that is anchored in that God is a God of Resurrection. 16:46.943 --> 16:49.166 [SPEAKER_00]: And that doesn't just mean at the end of this life. 16:49.526 --> 16:54.272 [SPEAKER_00]: I think we experience multiple small deaths and resurrections in this life. 16:54.512 --> 16:58.617 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that is because God brings new life out of what is dead. 16:58.637 --> 17:00.219 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what reorder is. 17:00.239 --> 17:03.182 [SPEAKER_00]: It's that time period and what crowd too looks like them. 17:03.162 --> 17:05.164 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's very like practical, tangible way. 17:05.464 --> 17:07.606 [SPEAKER_01]: It makes me think about when you're like me. 17:07.646 --> 17:09.448 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like more of a type B person. 17:09.648 --> 17:12.291 [SPEAKER_01]: And that means my house isn't perfectly clean and organize all the time. 17:12.751 --> 17:14.833 [SPEAKER_01]: And I go through seasons of it gets really clean. 17:15.193 --> 17:17.055 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it just naturally gets really messy. 17:17.115 --> 17:18.677 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I kind of have a little panic attack. 17:18.757 --> 17:21.339 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I organize everything and buy all new containers. 17:21.519 --> 17:24.082 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's a whole new system in my scene now. 17:24.102 --> 17:26.624 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it just, we just keep going forever and ever. 17:27.005 --> 17:31.549 [SPEAKER_01]: Always buying new containers and re-adjusting how we do things and learn from before. 17:31.529 --> 17:33.993 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's how life is because there's a season for everything. 17:34.494 --> 17:34.995 [SPEAKER_00]: There is. 17:35.015 --> 17:35.656 [SPEAKER_00]: There is. 17:35.696 --> 17:36.337 [SPEAKER_00]: You're so right. 17:36.498 --> 17:42.929 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's also important since you brought up the Walter Brugerman of it all is, you know, more than half of the songs are limits. 17:43.169 --> 17:50.963 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I remember when before it was early on in our marriage before we had kids, we went to this Bible study at church. 17:51.644 --> 17:56.052 [SPEAKER_00]: And thankfully, the lead pastor was leading it and it covered 80% of the Bible. 17:56.032 --> 18:02.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I couldn't, it was, you know, you're just, you're just, like, trudging through the Old Testament and I'm like, okay, great, the songs, right? 18:02.802 --> 18:19.407 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm like, wow, this is actually, like, not as uplifting as I thought, it would be, and the reason I say that is because I think that's because, like, his heart, you know, and I think the songs are there to show us how to be in relationship with God. 18:19.808 --> 18:22.711 [SPEAKER_00]: when things are good and when things are hot. 18:23.152 --> 18:34.004 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that Psalm 13 is one of my most favorite Psalms and it starts with how long Lord and in Zen I will trust in your unfailing love because you have been good to me. 18:34.044 --> 18:41.112 [SPEAKER_00]: And the Psalms are full of lament and also often end and in hope. 18:41.372 --> 18:46.558 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's why in this book, it's kind of modeled after his, 18:46.538 --> 18:50.549 [SPEAKER_00]: his observation of the Psalms and then also there's a Psalm in every chapter as well. 18:50.750 --> 18:52.655 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, and there are all songs, right? 18:52.816 --> 18:56.005 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's like you can be lamenting, but also singing. 18:56.446 --> 18:58.491 [SPEAKER_01]: And those can be true at the same time. 18:58.592 --> 19:00.938 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like it's all related and I love it. 19:01.099 --> 19:01.560 [SPEAKER_01]: So 19:01.540 --> 19:19.146 [SPEAKER_01]: Can you, for someone who is listening and is feeling completely overwhelmed, whether it's from driving way too much and eating way too much fast food, or you need to go organize your house or going through something major in life, like, what could be one small step that they could take towards living this and life. 19:19.487 --> 19:23.633 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think for me, I, 19:23.984 --> 19:30.734 [SPEAKER_00]: have a kind of quick prayer time in the morning before I go work out and get dressed in all those things before I get the kids. 19:31.074 --> 19:36.802 [SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, at that point, after I've taken the kids where they need to go, I've gotten myself ready. 19:36.943 --> 19:40.147 [SPEAKER_00]: I have experienced life that day all right. 19:40.167 --> 19:46.296 [SPEAKER_00]: And so before I open up my laptop to work every morning, which is between 9 and 10 a.m. 19:46.276 --> 19:48.620 [SPEAKER_00]: I pray over my ends. 19:48.861 --> 19:50.884 [SPEAKER_00]: I tell God what is stressing me? 19:51.265 --> 19:52.527 [SPEAKER_00]: Was frustrating me? 19:52.728 --> 19:54.050 [SPEAKER_00]: What is disappointing me? 19:54.311 --> 19:57.456 [SPEAKER_00]: And I tell God what I'm thankful for. 19:57.516 --> 19:59.620 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes those things are connected. 19:59.660 --> 20:08.436 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes like the way that each chapter ends and there's an end section at the end of each chapter where they're kind of connected like okay I can see 20:08.416 --> 20:12.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm stressed out about this, and I can see goodness playing out in this dress this way. 20:12.362 --> 20:13.124 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes they're not. 20:13.344 --> 20:22.338 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes things are hard, and I just need to say, and I'm so grateful for this view of the water today is bringing me so much peace, right? 20:22.779 --> 20:26.906 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's just always keeping in mind that hard things are here. 20:26.926 --> 20:31.373 [SPEAKER_00]: I can admit this, and God's goodness never runs out. 20:31.593 --> 20:34.558 [SPEAKER_00]: God's goodness somehow, some light is always present. 20:34.538 --> 20:40.929 [SPEAKER_00]: and just thanking God for that presence before I get into the meat of my day. 20:41.089 --> 20:56.076 [SPEAKER_01]: How has that rhythm changed for you as you've gone through kind of, well, a lot of life and parenting and having really young kids with some challenges to now, and you've walked it like order, just order, reorder, like how has that morning rhythm or daily rhythm? 20:56.096 --> 20:57.538 [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it looks like change. 20:57.558 --> 20:59.702 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, hmm. 21:00.290 --> 21:06.558 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a good question because when I had really little kids, you know, you're just kind of surviving. 21:06.578 --> 21:07.179 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 21:07.299 --> 21:07.659 [SPEAKER_00]: Totally. 21:07.679 --> 21:07.920 [SPEAKER_00]: I did. 21:08.280 --> 21:10.643 [SPEAKER_00]: I did not thrive as a toddler mom. 21:10.783 --> 21:11.224 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 21:11.424 --> 21:15.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I sure didn't did I. Yeah, that was not that was not my jam. 21:15.329 --> 21:24.701 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I noticed that when I was really when I was at my healthiest, it would be it was a prayer that went on throughout the day. 21:24.741 --> 21:26.263 [SPEAKER_00]: And I 21:26.243 --> 21:52.473 [SPEAKER_00]: I still feel like that goes on now, but like it was I needed it all day long, you know, and maybe it wasn't praying in my end all day at that time, because I kind of discovered this this concept a little bit later, but yeah, now it's it's something that I do kind of at the end of my morning and at the end of the day, before I go to bed, let's just it's a rhythm that just keeps me grounded. 21:52.533 --> 21:55.997 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like in my humanity and also God's goodness. 21:55.977 --> 22:15.910 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I love your honesty that it wasn't quite like that in a toddler years because there are probably other people who are listening that that's not even if you loved a toddler years, I mean like when you wake up in the morning you are going and then yeah by the time you hit the pillow you're like I'm out so there's just no there's just not as much space and so just like the gentle reminder that like it doesn't have to be. 22:15.890 --> 22:44.209 [SPEAKER_01]: In the morning or at night, like this throughout the day throughout the day yeah, it doesn't have to be a journal either It can it's just a conversation, you know, and that's that is yeah when you're putting kids down for nap or cutting up snacks or all the things that just feels so redundant That's what I found is when my kids were little is all those little redundant tasks if I could turn those into like prayers or conversations with God and Just like moments of gratitude that was so helpful because I did not have the brain capacity 22:44.189 --> 22:47.112 [SPEAKER_01]: to sit down and like pray through my hands. 22:47.132 --> 22:48.193 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm learning at that time. 22:48.213 --> 22:55.579 [SPEAKER_00]: I know I know that you say that I think that we were in a little right up, you know, obviously we went to a lot of doctors appointments when we were in the years. 22:55.639 --> 23:03.006 [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like it was driving in the car to just like playing worship music, singing along, like actually singing. 23:04.087 --> 23:08.832 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, not just like like my mostly listening, but like that was really healthy for me at the time. 23:09.112 --> 23:13.656 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and isn't it funny that now, car time is just as valuable 23:14.243 --> 23:15.901 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, having conversation. 23:16.063 --> 23:16.791 [SPEAKER_01]: Conversation. 23:16.871 --> 23:18.246 [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm. 23:18.496 --> 23:21.639 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I really don't know about my eight-year-old boy. 23:21.879 --> 23:24.262 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't know how to get him to talk more in the car. 23:24.282 --> 23:26.163 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like he gives me the basics and then we're done. 23:26.304 --> 23:32.730 [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, I'm going to get it out of him one day for G. So my boys are like, they'll be really quiet. 23:32.750 --> 23:35.733 [SPEAKER_01]: I have two boys and they'll be really quiet until it's bedtime. 23:35.893 --> 23:37.554 [SPEAKER_01]: And I am very much done. 23:37.715 --> 23:39.917 [SPEAKER_01]: And they want to then go over there and tie your day. 23:39.937 --> 23:42.079 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, OK, this is, I guess, when I'm going to listen. 23:42.459 --> 23:44.301 [SPEAKER_01]: But this is really hard for me. 23:44.281 --> 23:45.583 [SPEAKER_00]: because I'm so tired. 23:46.244 --> 23:51.691 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, like it's I've heard of my friends doing that to like laying down backs to them and then they just all come out. 23:51.711 --> 23:51.971 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 23:51.991 --> 23:53.293 [SPEAKER_00]: So I need to get that to try. 23:53.473 --> 23:53.713 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 23:53.853 --> 23:55.115 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, everyone's different. 23:55.475 --> 23:57.338 [SPEAKER_01]: And we all just do what we can to figure it out. 23:57.658 --> 23:59.420 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it's always changing. 23:59.441 --> 24:00.762 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you tell? 24:00.782 --> 24:01.123 [SPEAKER_01]: Always. 24:01.423 --> 24:01.683 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 24:01.784 --> 24:02.284 [SPEAKER_01]: 100%. 24:02.344 --> 24:07.511 [SPEAKER_01]: Especially as they start to go out, my teenager now goes to bed so late that I'm like, I go to bed before you some nights. 24:07.551 --> 24:09.934 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, it just always changes. 24:09.914 --> 24:15.823 [SPEAKER_01]: Can you tell us where we can connect with you and get this book in other books or any other resources? 24:15.843 --> 24:16.744 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 24:16.764 --> 24:25.698 [SPEAKER_00]: So my books are both available on Amazon, forget.com, barsenable.com, and you can get them 30% off on Baker Books. 24:26.018 --> 24:32.368 [SPEAKER_00]: Or depending on when this air is, you can get it 40% off on Baker Books if you pre-order overwhelmed and grateful. 24:32.829 --> 24:35.753 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm on Facebook at Jillian Benfield. 24:35.733 --> 24:42.945 [SPEAKER_00]: Instagram, a Jillian Benfield blog, and I also have three free e-books on my website as well. 24:43.626 --> 24:44.267 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, great. 24:44.607 --> 24:45.088 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 24:45.108 --> 24:49.796 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a good way to connect and I'll sign you up for my newsletter, which I send out once a week. 24:50.276 --> 24:50.377 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 24:50.397 --> 24:52.760 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll get out of that and show notes that people can find it really easily. 24:52.941 --> 24:53.181 [SPEAKER_01]: Great. 24:53.261 --> 24:54.383 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 24:54.363 --> 24:57.673 [SPEAKER_01]: Well thank you so much for being with us and just sharing all of your wisdom. 24:57.713 --> 24:58.696 [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate it so much. 24:58.936 --> 24:59.779 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you. 24:59.799 --> 25:00.581 [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate you. 25:00.601 --> 25:00.741 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 25:01.062 --> 25:02.547 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I can't wait to go to the beach. 25:02.868 --> 25:04.292 [SPEAKER_01]: Whenever whenever I get to Florida. 25:04.613 --> 25:05.134 [SPEAKER_01]: Let me know. 25:05.555 --> 25:06.518 [SPEAKER_01]: Let me know really well. 25:06.839 --> 25:07.320 [SPEAKER_01]: I really well. 25:07.702 --> 25:07.902 [SPEAKER_01]: All right. 25:07.922 --> 25:08.584 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much. 25:09.025 --> 25:09.587 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 25:14.444 --> 25:15.726 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for listening. 25:15.826 --> 25:22.955 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm grateful to Jillian for helping us name both the hard and the good and for giving us simple ways to practice the AND each day. 25:23.276 --> 25:31.286 [SPEAKER_01]: If this episode encourages one step this week at dinner or at bedtime, sure the best part of your day, the hardest part of your day, and where you saw a god. 25:31.346 --> 25:32.768 [SPEAKER_01]: Keep it honest, keep it simple. 25:32.808 --> 25:34.150 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait to hear how it goes. 25:34.490 --> 25:38.356 [SPEAKER_01]: You can connect with Jillian on Instagram and Facebook and find her books wherever books are sold. 25:38.716 --> 25:41.700 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll put links and her free resources in the show notes. 25:41.680 --> 25:47.716 [SPEAKER_01]: If this show is helping you please follow Weaver Review and share this episode with the friend it truly means the world to me. 25:47.756 --> 25:51.527 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you again for listening, make out bless you in your home this week. 25:52.008 --> 25:57.563 [SPEAKER_01]: May the Lord meet you in the both the overwhelm and the gratitude and fill you with his peace.