[SPEAKER_00]: The American, chapter 51, a shorthand missile tail by Matthew C. McLean, the troubled at home, part one.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to keep myself from running back to the apartment, a part of my brain was screaming that if the Russians knew I worked at the casino, they could know where McLean had taken the car, that maybe they had somehow made the connection between me and Sophie.
[SPEAKER_00]: All of that, though, was conjecture.
[SPEAKER_00]: My mind filling with increasingly irrational possibilities, images of violence and death.
[SPEAKER_00]: If the Russians came and tried to take Sophie, they might bring enough men that they could do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But only after she had made a lot of them into corpses.
[SPEAKER_00]: I tried to keep my brain from wandering into the dark territory of how they'd take the revenge for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: What would men like that do to Sophie?
[SPEAKER_00]: What would they do when they were covered with a still hot blood of comrades, their hands on the killer, and a woman?
[SPEAKER_00]: What I didn't know was that someone had been following me and I didn't want to lead them home.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I strangled the voices that were telling me about everything that could go wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: and kept walking until I was certain I hadn't picked up a second tail.
[SPEAKER_00]: Close to the cathedral square, I hopped down a nearby cross-dread into the phone booth.
[SPEAKER_00]: I picked up at the receiver as I padded its underside, searching for a drop from that well.
[SPEAKER_00]: I found it by a sharp paper edge and pulled it out, unfolding it in red, rotella, eight o'clock, followed by a phone number.
[SPEAKER_00]: As that well hadn't included any indication, I couldn't tell if it was meant for me to call the number eight in the morning or the evening.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was early enough that I could probably still call, but I needed to be certain Sophie was safe first.
[SPEAKER_00]: The tram ride back to triat station near the apartment was an terminably long.
[SPEAKER_00]: The slow, trundle along the tracks, lending the ride a repetitive soundtrack stretched out every moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: My mind used the space between these to ask every fearful question it could come up with, including whether metnic had only been pretending to believe me about Macau.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you had believed me though, or didn't care, you wouldn't have shared the buildings
[SPEAKER_00]: Unless McCail shared his destination where the rest of his gang, they wouldn't know or so if you and I had lived.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if the habitual criminal offenders I'd known throughout my life were any indication, McCail was likely to keep that sort of thing to himself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then again, how had they known I worked at the casino?
[SPEAKER_00]: Whip or brick could have told them that, and either one of them might be holding a grudge.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or at well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or Jasper.
[SPEAKER_00]: Two blocks from the tenement I started making my way towards it to slow, decreasing spiral, trying to watch for both a tail on me and observers in the neighborhood.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the building itself, Trio was low class, with a chair pick pockets and street walkers, but it was decidedly French.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was confident that much like Piotr, any foreigners would stick out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Fortunately, by the time I arrived at the outside of the tent, I had none had.
[SPEAKER_00]: The building sat on its own square block, providing at least four observation points on opposing corners, but no good way to surveil all of the entrances with only one person.
[SPEAKER_00]: This gave me room to wander around, walking the perimeter of the building, watching
[SPEAKER_00]: Out front, there was just the usual group of teens, kids from all over the town, spectrum of poverty, from Africa to Normandy, shimming to some obnoxious offspring of bubblegum pop.
[SPEAKER_00]: As I stood across the street from the building, I felt every heartbeat begin to pull on me like a plucked string, producing a scream or cry and Russian or Italian, as shadow puppets in my minds, I butcher each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew I should be patient.
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew I should wait until I was sure no one was waiting anywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I felt my feet move anyway, taking me on one final circuit around the building.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the rear alley I rushed to the back door, which should have been locked.
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't, of course, having been broken eons go and never fixed by the drunk of a superintendent.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the lobby, I spent out fast enough that I startled some poor woman draped over her child, stroller with fatigue, just waiting for the elevator.
[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps sensing some possible danger in the outline dark, her child began to cry, and I bounced off that noise to head up at the decrepit stairs.
[SPEAKER_00]: I ran up two flights higher than I needed, then took the elevator down to the floor of our apartment, just to confuse whatever phantoms weren't following me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I stopped at the end of the hall under a burned out light.
[SPEAKER_00]: If I was right, no one had followed me, and if I was wrong, I had led them right to our home.
[SPEAKER_00]: I held my position as long as my grinding teeth and swelling feet would allow, getting my keys out quietly before moving quickly to the door and sliding inside.
[SPEAKER_00]: The apartment was quiet.
[SPEAKER_00]: I took off my coat and tried to hang it on the hat rack, dropping it to the floor before I remembered it was broken.
[SPEAKER_00]: I left it there to stalk slowly through the rooms, wishing I had a banana to lead the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Each of the tiny rooms was empty, only a coffee cup in the sink to indicate that Sophia had been there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything else was as tidy as so if you liked it, which told me there hadn't been any unexpected visitors, no struggle.
[SPEAKER_00]: I told myself she was out, that she was most likely working on her map, that she could take care of herself.
[SPEAKER_00]: That didn't mean she was safe.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I made a crater in the couch and told myself that she was fine, that she was at working on her own obsessions, which, a part of me, reminded myself, was dangerous and as reckless as anything I was doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: How many different horror houses could she show up at, pretending to be lost or interested in some kind of party favors, asking questions, determining who ran the joint.
[SPEAKER_00]: before someone suspected something, before people began to talk and compare notes and realize that Sophie was showing up wasn't some kind of coincidence that she herself was trouble.
[SPEAKER_00]: I sat in the dark pondering these things and told I heard the sound of keys in the lock.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could tell by the gentle rattling of Sophie and I bounded the threshold faster than thought.
[SPEAKER_00]: I yanked open the door, near Lord ripping the keys out of her hands.
[SPEAKER_00]: Her hostel's a prized mellowed at seeing me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I pulled her into the apartment, spilling the grocery she was carrying.
[SPEAKER_00]: I poked my head out to make sure there was no one else in the hallway before dodging back inside and locking the door.
[SPEAKER_00]: Be wilder as she was by my action, so if you couldn't form questions before a hugged her, crushing her to me,
[SPEAKER_00]: all of the imaginary horrors draining away as I held her.
[SPEAKER_00]: The pressure closures you to expel air the last becoming a laugh.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not understanding, but not unhappy with the enthusiastic greeting.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think she saw the fear in my eyes until she pushed out of the hug and got a good look at me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could see all the questions you want to ask.
[SPEAKER_00]: I pre-empted these with, where you followed.
[SPEAKER_00]: My question answered at least a few of hers.
[SPEAKER_00]: The pleasure at being swept up on her homecoming gave way to a wary understanding and she replied, none.
[SPEAKER_00]: The relief that brought translated itself into a kiss.
[SPEAKER_00]: Pressing my lips to Sophie's, it was happening before I knew what it was.
[SPEAKER_00]: It burned as hot as the kiss in the cab was cold, and as much as it surprised me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure I could have stopped it if I wanted to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I broke off slowly, releasing Sophie from my arms, feeling the heat of my decision
[SPEAKER_00]: The possible ramifications of what I had done opened my eyes to gaze into Sophie's green ones.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't see any offense there, just another shade of confusion.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you gave a few quick blinks, then kissed me back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Kicking aside the spill condense of the grocery bag,
[SPEAKER_00]: She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me tightly to her.
[SPEAKER_00]: She didn't hold me separate as she had in the cab.
[SPEAKER_00]: The kiston started slow or sensuous affair, but like two slabs of concrete slamming into each other only cushioned by far two human, two soft lips.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever thoughts have been cluttering my mind evaporated as a heat of my skin traveled to the rest of my body.
[SPEAKER_00]: I picked Sophia feeling her legs wraparound me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I stood there while she gifted my face with a flutter of kisses, muttering some soft urging in Italian.
[SPEAKER_00]: When she bit my earlobe though,
[SPEAKER_00]: I only heard the rush of my own blood as I carried it to the bed and practically fell into it only twisting my weight enough not to crush her She destroyed the shirt I was wearing though buttons popping off as she ripped it open
[SPEAKER_00]: I fumbled her blouse over her head, covering her face in a cloud of angel hair that she unceremoniously spit out of her mouth.
[SPEAKER_00]: Underneath there's shirt there were scars where her teacher would cut her from her breasts to her pelvis, and I traced each scar with my tongue.
[SPEAKER_00]: They went all the way down, some surgical in nature, but she was whole.
[SPEAKER_00]: I spent a long time making sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: After a warm, luscious eternity, so if he pulled me up by my ears, clawing down my back, pulling me further up until she grabbed two hand-volved my ass to urge me in.
[SPEAKER_00]: I tried to move slowly, but even so, she barely let go of me, pressing us together and fits in grunts.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I lasted about two minutes before spilling into her, and I felt her sense it releasing her own tensions in a prolonged sigh.
[SPEAKER_00]: A rolled offer in the dark to find that my head was deliciously empty.
[SPEAKER_00]: None of the guilt from the times I had thought about this moment was there.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I turned to Sophie, there was a faint glow, light leaking in from the other room to illuminate her face.
[SPEAKER_00]: She stared back at me, her own eyes holding the same wonderful void until the panting from her lips became a giggle.
[SPEAKER_00]: She held her hand to her mouth as if she were trying not to laugh and church.
[SPEAKER_00]: I laughed too, at the ceiling, at its water marks at God, so if he climbed on top of me and pinned my hands to the mattress next to my head, at that moment I felt about as strong as a kitten, so I stared at her with that resistance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Kusatli Sukwasata, she asked simply, what brought that on?
[SPEAKER_00]: I chuckled self consciously as I stared up at her, seeing the scars on her made me want to kill her due to y'all over again.
[SPEAKER_00]: The usual slowfire of anger that was my background though was temporarily extinguished by having her warm frame on top of me.
[SPEAKER_00]: It also made trying to push the jumble of thoughts and worries in the words and nearly impossible.
[SPEAKER_00]: The emotions that have brought us here barely translatable under her weight.
[SPEAKER_00]: All I could manage was, I thought you were in danger.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you gave a little thing laugh and collapsed onto my chest, her mouth wonderfully close to my ear, her fingernails playing through my chest hair.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am a woman, I am always in danger.
[SPEAKER_00]: The truth of that cooled me in a way I didn't think possible right then.
[SPEAKER_00]: Flashes of the cliffside beating, the corpses in the freezer, the web is across peoters' hands, all of it rushed back in my mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: The Russians are following me, I spoke into the dark.
[SPEAKER_00]: pushing against my chest so if you lifted her head, her eyes weren't clouted with the anxiety that had been my constant companion at this news.
[SPEAKER_00]: There was only a small disappointment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Vacation was over.
[SPEAKER_00]: What?
[SPEAKER_00]: She asked, when?
[SPEAKER_00]: I tried to get up to fetch the Russians passport, but so if he held me to the bedwell urging me to speak, someone was waiting for me at the casino.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sophie examined my face like a tarot card.
[SPEAKER_00]: His name was Piot or something.
[SPEAKER_00]: He had tattoos like gloves.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wagled my fingers.
[SPEAKER_00]: The name ring any bells?
[SPEAKER_00]: I asked thinking of the backroom at midnight
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I think he's staying with Mittenek, some sort of advanced element for this Avertat, where is he not?
[SPEAKER_00]: I cornered him and we had a conversation, him and his pals think I killed Mittenek and now they won a revenge.
[SPEAKER_00]: McCabe?
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you blinked or green eyes at me without recognition, it was only then I realized I had never given so if you the name of the man who helped dispose of the pimp, I sagged against the mattress, trying to remember what I had and hadn't shared with her.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's only caused me to frasal over the different versions of the truth I was living in now and how getting the mixed up could get us both killed.
[SPEAKER_00]: Still, I was supersticiously reluctant to speak the name of the dead man, so I answered the driver.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, Sophie said, perhaps remembering her own shade, wrapped in the old carpet.
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you, I nodded, unwilling to speak the sin into the air?
[SPEAKER_00]: Sophie smoothed the wrinkles on my forehead and pressed herself to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I did, ending with, and then I took his passport and told him the quit following me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you think he will?
[SPEAKER_00]: I might have cost him to doubt I killed my kale, but I don't think he's going to give up.
[SPEAKER_00]: How did he know you worked at the casino?
[SPEAKER_00]: My best guess?
[SPEAKER_00]: When Macau went missing, they asked around, when a mid-nix man told him he went to help out the American, given him a mid-nix payroll, it probably wouldn't have taken long to figure out where I worked.
[SPEAKER_00]: So they went to find you there, if they knew where you lived, there would be someone waiting here.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I agreed, the fact that Sophie was following the same logic as the sensible voices in my head had a calming effect.
[SPEAKER_00]: With the kick of her legs, Sophie stood up and offered her hand to me, then we are safe, for now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let us eat.
[SPEAKER_00]: I took her hand and moved to stand, the strength in her tall frame assisting me without strain.
[SPEAKER_00]: We moved into the kitchen, so if you covered her scars with a gossamer robe only giving a playful titer at the greater hunger this produced in me than the mention of food.
[SPEAKER_00]: I stopped in the entryway and picked up this bill contents of the grocery's bag, moving each item to its proper place of fridge, fruit bowl, or cabinet.
[SPEAKER_00]: We ate a small meal and I answered whatever questions of you brought up, but we mostly sat and contented silence with Sophie's legs reaching out to touch my knee with her pre-hensile toes.
[SPEAKER_00]: After the events of the day, I was exhausted and excited.
[SPEAKER_00]: The second one, winning out with their soft touch and sweet Italian.
[SPEAKER_00]: I woke up in the wee hours before dawn and watched her slowly breathing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Floating in that space, I tried not to let all of the dangers of the outside world threaten what felt a little bit like happiness.
[SPEAKER_00]: Somewhere from in between those spaces, I heard Cheryl's voice.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, now you've done it.