[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, good morning, and welcome back, or welcome to Morning Ray.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Lann, or Lanna, and today's episode is all about your mindsets and intentions, and how important they are when it comes to relationships, whether
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a romantic relationship, a platonic relationship, a work relationship, familial, whatever it is, your intentions and these mindset shifts are the key to building and forming the relationships that you want.
[SPEAKER_00]: you desire you need to create.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the minute I started to view myself and the way I interacted with others and the way I focused on building my relationships with other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: In this way is when I finally started to feel that I was having friendships and relationships
[SPEAKER_00]: with those around me that lined up and matched what I was truly looking for.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I finally felt like I had friends where I was in a healthy relationship with them that we met each other where we wanted to be met and really fostered a healthy stable relationship with one another.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also when it came to dating I think embodying this mindset really allowed me to be able to find the type of person I was looking to build a relationship with to not
[SPEAKER_00]: to almost not not, but to kind of navigate the sea of dating and kind of the craziness that the dating world has kind of become in the culture of dating and dating apps.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to share this episode with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was actually speaking with my friend, Rekal on the phone and I was talking about how I've kind of changed my perspective of dating this year and the way I went about it and why I think it made me more successful in my attempt at
[SPEAKER_00]: meeting someone and finding someone and what really differed from how I used to go about relationships and just like the things that I when I think back to where I was in January and what I really remember like actively and intentionally changing about the way I went with interacting with men and whatnot and the same thing for my friendships like learning how to show up as the type of friend
[SPEAKER_00]: when it came to romantic relationship, learning how to show up as the partner that I was seeking.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we'll get all into that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Today is Saturday tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have high rocks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm committing in my first high rocks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing women's doubles here in Toronto.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am
[SPEAKER_00]: Excited, I have quite a few people coming to watch me, which is a little bit intimidating, but it's fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing it with my friend Jordan.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really excited for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going tonight for dinner with our boyfriends to carb load going to an Italian restaurant.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm really looking forward to that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I should be eating a bit more today, but honestly, this is my issue.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I get nervous and anxious about something, I don't have much of an appetite.
[SPEAKER_00]: So
[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of counteractive, counterintuitive, if you will, but nonetheless, excited for Hyrox excited to update you guys with how that goes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started training only a month before, so if you're interested in hearing about an episode afterwards, how
[SPEAKER_00]: I think my training benefited me where I wish I kind of focused more on what Racer was like all of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Happy to do an episode about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you are watching on YouTube then you can see that I cut my hair.
[SPEAKER_00]: I cut some longer curtain bangs.
[SPEAKER_00]: I cut off quite a bit of length and I'm just learning to love it and embrace it.
[SPEAKER_00]: My hair really needed a chop.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also recently just went for my color.
[SPEAKER_00]: I get
[SPEAKER_00]: color and a gloss and tone and I love a fresh color.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's kind of what's going on in my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I leave for LA to visit my friend Maddie in a few weeks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited.
[SPEAKER_00]: I haven't been back to LA in a minute.
[SPEAKER_00]: Really excited to get to go travel.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been a second since I went on a trip.
[SPEAKER_00]: So looking forward to that, but let's talk about my current faves.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm currently loving
[SPEAKER_00]: on my nails before I had C&D Cherry Colour, Cherry Mocha, on my nails which was kind of a burgundy brownie red.
[SPEAKER_00]: Really been loving running.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say I didn't really love high rocks training that much.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you guys know I don't really love hit training as much or weights.
[SPEAKER_00]: Although it is a fun challenge, but I have to run again and getting to run again for
[SPEAKER_00]: remember how much I really do love running when I didn't feel like it was a chore so definitely want to try keep running up even if it's once a week going on past this hierarchs it's been fun and my boyfriend and I haven't going on runs we did the Britannite run last week together which was honestly so much fun and
[SPEAKER_00]: After as I said to him, I honestly think I could do a half marathon.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, if you were running beside me the whole time, I think what I struggled with a lot during my first half marathon and only have marathon was like the mental battle that it is, but I think if I were to have someone running alongside me the whole time pacing me or just like as a mental distraction and holding me accountable that I could probably do it again and
[SPEAKER_00]: to train with as opposed to doing it alone all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I'll do a half marathon again but we'll see.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've also have been really loving boots and loafers over wearing sneakers all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love a good white sneaker.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love a good statue.
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys know this but I really have been loving switching it up and investing in really nice pieces that
[SPEAKER_00]: Zara, honestly, Zara shoes are great and they're pretty affordable.
[SPEAKER_00]: I got a pair of loafers from Zara that look like the YS01s.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not real leather, but pretty good price.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're really like $65 in the really comfortable they're not blistering and I have loafers that are like real leather that are different to the one.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they always blister my heels, even though I've had them for like three years now.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really have been loving.
[SPEAKER_00]: sling backs and boots and pointed shoes and just kind of broadening my horizons when it comes issues as opposed to just wearing sneakers all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: So definitely have been loving that been focusing on kind of changing and elevating my style.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like being 26 now my style has definitely changed.
[SPEAKER_00]: I
[SPEAKER_00]: dress a little bit more mature a little bit more modestly um i love timeless chic classic items not really into super trendy things i love more of like a capsule wardrobe if you will i love items that i can dress up dressed down really love a good fitting t-shirt good fitting tank top long sleeve et cetera so that's kind of where my hat is my hat
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's get into the whole concept of this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think when it comes to our relationships, our friendships, whatever it is, it is so important to take the time to set the intention, or set an intention for the kind of relationship that you want with another person, and then choose to lead with that.
[SPEAKER_00]: To not accept any behavior that doesn't match that,
[SPEAKER_00]: interrelationships with people that aren't matching what we are seeking just for the sake of having a friend or a partner or someone to do things with and this can really be applicable in all sorts of relationships in your life whether it's a friendship, a work relationship, family, work, whatever it is romantic doesn't matter what it is but we're going to start off with
[SPEAKER_00]: and then you can kind of apply this any other sort of relationship.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like the friendships can kind of be applicable to your work relations or more professional relations.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think the biggest thing and I'm not going to say that any of what I'm going to say today is ground-breaking per se, but maybe it is a perspective you have never thought of before or where you've never really heard things lead out for you before, maybe it will give you that little light bulb.
[SPEAKER_00]: a hot moment or kind of change a perspective for you and your mindset around how you go about your friendships and your relationships and finding friends and finding partners and whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: So the biggest thing for me is when it comes to friendships, be the kind of friend that you want to have.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want a friend that is so empathetic to you shows you a lot of empathy when you're confiding in them, then you have to show empathy yourself
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want a friend that gives you the hard truth even when you don't want to hear it, are you able to give it back to them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, focus on showing up for others the way that you would want them to show up for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that way, you will attract people who meet you on the same page and meet you how you want to be met.
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that said, meet people where they're at.
[SPEAKER_00]: You cannot expect the person that is super hot and cold with you to be your right or die to be free there for you and your time of need in every single waking moment of your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is your person that is there when they're there.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's great.
[SPEAKER_00]: You accept them for what they are, but you don't really hold, you don't hold to garage or any negative feeling towards them.
[SPEAKER_00]: If they are not a super dependable person because they have shown you that they're a very hot-and-gold person That is their personality.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are not a priority per se in their life, and that is okay We're not gonna be on the same level with everyone and just know where you stand with people and know where people know where you stand with others Know where you stand with people and know where people stand with you and just learn to kind of accept it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're
[SPEAKER_00]: Every friend that comes in your life isn't going to be a friend for every single thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you have friends we're going out, you have friends for workouts, grabbing coffee, once a quarter, friends that you see more consistently, friends that you face time or talk to the phone on all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you have the friends that you can find in a bit more, can have those deeper, more meaningful, intellectual, thought-provoking conversations.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have those friends that are a bit more surface level that you see in passing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you may have one or two friends that are your writer die that can be all of these things, but not every friend is going to be everything for you, just like you wouldn't be everything for someone else.
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that said, sometimes friendships go in waves.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not because you necessarily did something, or they did something, or you got into a big fight, maybe you did, or maybe a small disagreement, but I really do think that sometimes friendships just go in a way, sometimes you're really close to someone, you're seeing them a lot, and sometimes then you naturally grow a part, and it's not because anything bad per se happened, you might just have different priorities, different objectives, and our lives got busy, especially as we get older, friendship,
[SPEAKER_00]: is less about convenience and more about intention and tension is typically, well not typically.
[SPEAKER_00]: Intention is very much the theme of today's episode, but sometimes you're closest to someone, you grow apart, you come back together, sometimes it's an intentional break, sometimes it's an unintentional break, and that is okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is the wave of life and I feel like as we got older we kind of have
[SPEAKER_00]: seasons and chapters with our friends and that's just the way that it is and it doesn't have to be this whole thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to have a whole big conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you take space apart, whether it's intentional or not and you could then come back together in a stronger more better way or maybe you don't come back together and you just stay as acquaintances with no bad blood.
[SPEAKER_00]: doesn't mean again that anything bad per se happened all the time, sometimes you just grow apart.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I can think of in my hand in my head.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a few friendships that there are periods of times where we have been really close and then we've grown apart and now we're coming back together and seeing each other again and it wasn't because anything bad happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just life got busy.
[SPEAKER_00]: We had different priorities.
[SPEAKER_00]: we were doing things with different people and that's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: And lastly, when it comes to communication, when it comes, lastly, when it comes to friendships, what I wanted to also discuss about today, is communication is key.
[SPEAKER_00]: Know how and when to communicate.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's worth bringing up and having a discussion about when to go of certain things.
[SPEAKER_00]: For example, if a friend that is hot and cold with you is being hot and cold, I don't really think there's going to be any benefit to having a conversation with them about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just meet them where they're at in that instance.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if a friend who you were considered to be your best friend and you know that they consider you to be their best friend has been hurting you and maybe you don't think that they're aware of that, have a conversation with them, be like, hey, so-and-so, like, I know that maybe you didn't realize but like saying stuff like that does really hurt me and upset me and I would really appreciate if you didn't do that and then see if they
[SPEAKER_00]: choose to respect that and not do it again or if they intentionally try to do it again and then you can kind of choose where to go from that but just know what's worth bringing up and learning how to bring it up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think never using accusatory language is really important lead with the eye statements, lead with how it's making you feel.
[SPEAKER_00]: as opposed to you're doing this and you're saying this and you you you because then they're just going to be super reactive right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Think about if it was reversed as someone came to you and was like you're doing this and you're doing that and you know that's really bad like you're going to you're going to be reactive and it's not going to be a super level headed conversation if you will.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, relationships.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is something I kind of did a full 180 on this year and I started off the year with choosing to do this 30-day challenge and it was kind of inspired by the
[SPEAKER_00]: And I created this 30-day challenge for myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of was set at 30 days.
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, then I kind of just held on to it for much longer than 30 days.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I decided that after the last ending of a situation ship, if you will,
[SPEAKER_00]: that I wasn't going to intentionally try to seek out a partner of any sort, whether it was for fun, attention, a hookup, a date, whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: I decided to stop being the one to initiate any interaction.
[SPEAKER_00]: with men, because I'm interested in men, that was with the goal of being romantic or sexual in any sort of way.
[SPEAKER_00]: I chose to stop being the initiator.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, someone initiated with me, I wouldn't ignore it, but I would only entertain it if it matched what I knew I wanted.
[SPEAKER_00]: so that goes back to the intention.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I knew that I was done with situationships.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was not interested in a casual hookup.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was not interested in a friend's with benefits.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want any of the great.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to work towards meeting someone that I could build a committed long-term relationship with who I could see potentially marrying down the line and building a life with.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is all I wanted.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want a friends with benefits.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to just casually hook up with someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want a one night stand.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want games.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want any of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if someone who reached out to me during this 30-day period or even moving forward, didn't match that energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel that you know, I think we're very intuitive and our gut knows.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I did not entertain that.
[SPEAKER_00]: As soon as I figured out what their intentions were based off of their actions and
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't entertain it anymore, so basically for this challenge specifically for girls if you are listening, I know majority of our listener base is female, but you are the prize.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop chasing, focus so much on yourself and building this fulfilling, purposeful life for yourself that you end up attracting your ideal partner and
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't do it with intention of attracting a partner, but do it with intention of building a fulfilling and purposeful life for yourself That your younger self would look up to you that your highest self would be so proud of and they would be out doing, you know, that sort of thing But essentially this challenge is to summarize for 30 days.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't initiate or reach out to men with intention of dating, hooking up flirting whatever it is having a pen pal
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone interacts with you, only entertain it if they're energy matches that of what you are wanting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop trying to seek out male validation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, put that energy into rebuilding yourself and your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Focus in on your daily and weekly habits, your friendships, your family, career.
[SPEAKER_00]: health, prioritize you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Be selfish, focus on building a fulfilling life outside of men, sex, and love.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that's pretty blunt, but I promise you, and I know we hear this all the time, but the minute you stop focusing so much on men and love and dating,
[SPEAKER_00]: The more fulfilled you will have and I think you will actually naturally attract better prospects to kind of fill that bucket in your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: But really focus your energy on doing things that move the needle forward to where and who you want to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop entertaining quick fixes, quick boosts, start playing the long game and it's not going to feel super rewarding at first.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hence, why it's the long game, it's not a Band-Aid fix, it's not a short term solution.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to take time to build that momentum, you know, think about getting that one percent better every day.
[SPEAKER_00]: It compounds over time, 360 percent plus every single year, you know, that sort of thing that we're talking about so many times.
[SPEAKER_00]: on the podcast before, but that is kind of like your 30-day challenge.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to start there, stop initiating things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I was always like the girl that wasn't afraid to like a story or reach out to a guy or say hi to a guy that I was attracted to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, well this isn't really working for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not finding me the partner that I want.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not getting me what I want in life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I don't need that short term ego boost.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because at the end of the day, responding to that DM of that guy who's bright coming you is a short term ego boost.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just an ego boost.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never going to give you what you truly want, which I'm going to assume is some sort of deeper connection to feel love, to feel seen and heard and appreciated.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so stop entertaining the things that aren't meeting you where you want to be met.
[SPEAKER_00]: But to go back and kind of focus in more on relationships and intentions and mindset shifts with that outside of this 30-day challenge.
[SPEAKER_00]: But
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the first thing is you need to decide what is it that you want.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay if you want a friend's with benefits.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay if you want a casual hookup but decide what it is that you want.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you set an intention for what you are looking for in what kind of relationship and the type of person and then you don't accept anything less than that.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to commit a relationship, then don't entertain the guy who is playing games with you and breadcrumming you.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want a relationship, put your ego aside.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop entertaining the breadcrummer in your deums and your texts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop entertaining the man who keeps texting you but never makes a legitimate plan or doesn't ask you out the way that you want to be asked out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Point blank, I know it's so simple.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I know how easy it is to think that you are doing that and that you're being intentional but you're still entertaining the guys who aren't doing that and therefore you're putting out that energy that that behavior is acceptable and that you're willing to accept that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that you're less likely to find the partner that is super intentional and is showing you that they want you and that they want to pursue you and date you and court you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop hooking up casually with people.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is not what you want.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think for a while, I would do that almost as a way to protect myself at least I thought.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was protecting myself, but now the more I look back, maybe it was harming myself in a way.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was self sabotage, if you will.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could be talking to going on dates with someone who I really liked, but I would still entertain other men.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wouldn't be committed to that person if I wanted commitment and I Really started to realize that and we'll talk about this a little bit more and a little bit deeper But I think the way in which I was dating before was maybe prohibiting me from finding a relationship that I wanted But I do think I had to go through that in order to learn what I did want and
[SPEAKER_00]: to come to this realization.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think we always say this, you know, the energy you put out is the energy you attract.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you are putting out energy in the sense of hooking up casually, then you're going to just attract partners who portray that energy as well as opposed to if you
[SPEAKER_00]: then you are likely only going to accept that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm not really sure at which point in my recording that the video cut off, but it was around like a minute.
[SPEAKER_00]: There might be a minute where there's no video or I'll edit it in a way that it's perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we'll see.
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyways.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was a little bit of a hard drop moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I had like this realization, I think, end of 2024 into the new year that I was kind of done, participating in this hook-up culture.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know,
[SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a time in place, but I was really just over it, and I knew deep down, that it is not what I wanted, but I started to partake in it, because I thought that was the only way to get what I was looking for, but I think I was so wrong, and I pretty much went sell a bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do believe that this podcast is a safe space, and I also want to discuss this for anyone who is listening, who is in their 20s, and Maybe they've had similar struggles in terms of dating as I have and are looking for similar things or wanting similar things, but I decided to go
[SPEAKER_00]: pretty much sell a bit and I wasn't that I never kissed a guy after that moment, um, but I don't want to sleep with anyone anymore until I knew that I was being met in the way that I wanted to be met and then I felt like I could actually trust a person with my heart per se as much as you can know early on into the stages of meeting someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I think it was really eye-opening to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if that's kind of like religiousy, like religious or spiritual or whatever it is, but I personally chose that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't going to really do anything with any guys anymore unless I felt that they were worth it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And unless I decided that they were worth it, and I think I went until, I don't know if this is too much to be sharing on the internet, but I pretty much...
[SPEAKER_00]: went until I met my now boyfriend without conducting old behaviors and I think that kind of goes under the mindset of old ways, want open new doors and if you want different than you have to act different and new old habits won't result in different actions.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, or outcomes, so I really decided to embody that in my love life and in my dating life and in my relations.
[SPEAKER_00]: My relationships and I feel like I really embodied that when it came to health and wellness and when it came to my career And I definitely started doing that a bit sooner with my friendships, but I think it took me a while 26 years if you will to figure that out when it came to
[SPEAKER_00]: my romantic relationships and if I can help you figure it out a little bit sooner maybe you're younger than me or maybe you're the same age or maybe you're older than me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know but it's never too late to change your ways and it is possible and maybe choosing to change the way in which you move and
[SPEAKER_00]: date, even though it's different than what you did in the past, and maybe it's different than all the dating advice that you're seeing online, like I know a lot of people talk about having rosters and not putting sex on this pedestal or dating multiple people at the same time talking to multiple people, I think it has a time and a place.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I think it worked for me maybe at one point and I think we're having a roster when dating when I was in my early 20s really helped me get to know the type of people that I wanted to date and who I didn't want to date and who I would want as a partner and who I wouldn't want as a partner a little bit faster because I was seeing more people at the same time, you know, just going on dates, not necessarily anything beyond that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I do think that maybe if how you have been dating hasn't been resulting in an outcome that you want, then maybe it's time to do a little bit of reflection and to maybe change the way in which you date.
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that, I think it's really important to also make sure that when you're choosing today and if you're searching for a certain type of partner that you embody the characteristics that you are seeking in a partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're probably wondering, like, okay, what do you mean by that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe you know already, but you need to acquire and hold the character traits that you are seeking in a partner in order to be able to attract a partner who has those traits.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want someone who is super communicative with you, then ask yourself, are you communicative?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you able to speak up
[SPEAKER_00]: shutting down, starting an argument, raising your voice, crying whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want someone who is driven and career-focused with goals, is that you?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have goals for yourself that you are actively working towards, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want someone who prioritizes their health and lives an active healthy lifestyle, is that something you prioritize?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that something you can confidently say?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is a part of who you are and what your habits portray?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want someone who is family-oriented,
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you prioritize seeing your family and loved ones maintaining healthy relationships with them?
[SPEAKER_00]: How often are you seeing them?
[SPEAKER_00]: How often are you talking to them?
[SPEAKER_00]: How involved are you still with your parents, your siblings?
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe their partners, maybe their children, your nieces, your nephews, your cousins?
[SPEAKER_00]: Whoever it is, you can't expect someone who has all these character traits?
[SPEAKER_00]: to want to be with you and attracted to you, you don't have them yourself, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if you are this highly ambitious, high value woman, you're not going to want to be with a bum, a slum of a man, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's on a tractor to you, the character traits that they portray are not attracted to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if the role is reverse, if a high value man is out here and they're very career-focused and driven and care a lot about their health and their very family oriented, they're most likely going to want a woman that has majority if not all of those traits as well or at least mirrors a lot of them.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you are what you attract.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, if you're seeking a high value partner, then you have to work become, but you have to work towards becoming a high value partner yourself, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Repeating patterns are a lesson, learn what it's trying to teach you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have similar partners and similar outcomes?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do similar events always happen between you and your friends?
[SPEAKER_00]: You are a common denominator for a reason sometimes, not all the time, sometimes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Encourage yourself to be more self-aware and figure out what this pattern that keeps repeating is trying to teach you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then, when you're presented with the same circumstances or situations, choose to act and move differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't going to happen one time you're not going to be present.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not going to figure this out and then be presented with similar circumstances.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're going to immediately know how to act perfectly and change the complete outcome.
[SPEAKER_00]: At least in my experience, I feel like I realized it and then over the next three or four times.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started to got better at handling those situations each time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started to know myself worth a little bit more.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started to learn how to communicate a little bit better.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started to pick up on it a little bit sooner.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you cannot expect different outcomes.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you move the same.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want different, you need to move differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: We hear this all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Old ways don't open new doors.
[SPEAKER_00]: The same habits you are currently doing won't build a new life.
[SPEAKER_00]: a new you.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to transform into this highest, better version of you, then you're going to need to do the things that you imagine that highest better version of you would be doing, and it's probably different than some may be most, if not all, of what you're currently doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just the hard truth of it all.
[SPEAKER_00]: Old habits won't open up new ways.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't expect the same ways, the same methods, strategies, et cetera, to result in something different, all of a sudden.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to truly embody this intention, this desire, this want, and every single aspect of you in order to receive it.
[SPEAKER_00]: it's it's just what it is point blank.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope maybe it was a little eye opening for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it sparked a new thought process.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're going to take some time, grab some
[SPEAKER_00]: paper and pen and put pen to paper and just journal.
[SPEAKER_00]: But as always, my DMs are always open.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I'm going to do an ask-lan advice column in the next episode or the one after that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So definitely send in questions to the Google Form that's always linked in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you'd like this episode, make sure to leave a rating or a view on Apple podcast or Spotify.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love reading your comments on Spotify.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love seeing when you guys post that you're listening to the pod, and I love you guys so much, and we'll chat soon.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye guys!