[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to another episode of the Girl's Stop Plan Podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's your favorite home girl, Corey Yeau.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here to encourage you to stop playing with your potential and start working for what you want in life and in love.
[SPEAKER_00]: you already know that I'm bringing you the information and the conversations to help you make the money and get the money.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can have it all as long as you are willing to work.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to start this episode with a huge thank you for all of the love, all of the comments, all of the messages, all of the gifts, the internet aunties have been showing up and showing
[SPEAKER_00]: for their little internet niece who will be here in less than 10 days y'all.
[SPEAKER_00]: The countdown is really on.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this might be my last new episode for a little while, but I do plan on re-releasing some of my favorites, some that I feel like deserve to be revisited, especially for those of you who may have missed them the first time.
[SPEAKER_00]: So definitely make sure you are subscribed to the pod so that you will receive an alert and a notification when those new episodes drop.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have not already left your girl a five-star review, wherever you happen to play this podcast, please, please, please do me that one favor.
[SPEAKER_00]: It really helps me out a whole lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it pains me to have this conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: and I went back and forth so many times about during this episode, but y'all not even two days ago, something happened that was confirmation that we gotta have a conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because black women, we have to do better.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now let me just preface this by saying, I think this is a generational conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna share this episode with my auntie.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, Monti Latiana and ask her like, do you think this is a generational thing because I don't necessarily have these experiences that I'm going to share with y'all with millennial black women and younger.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's usually like the aunties, the grannies, those ages of women who seem to just naturally be bullies and I just don't understand why and what it is and why they just choose to act like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also want to preface this conversation for those of y'all who maybe are not true to this and you're new to this and you have not heard my episodes about my mommy issues.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am aware that I am especially sensitive to commentary and toxicity from older,
[SPEAKER_00]: because of the trauma that I have experienced and still sometimes experience with my own mother, with my own aunties, with the women and my family.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I know that I can be easily triggered.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me just start by saying that, however, this age is me.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is something that happens, continues to happen and something has to be done about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So y'all know I am,
[SPEAKER_00]: 1,000 months pregnant at this point.
[SPEAKER_00]: I told you I'm having my baby in less than 10 days and my belly has been popping for quite some time now.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know they say like as you increase the number of pregnancies like you start showing sooner and all of these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that in addition to me being easily triggered by older women, I'm probably sensitive, you know, while I'm pregnant, even though I don't necessarily feel super sensitive, I know that, you know, people say you're, you're super sensitive while you're pregnant, because your hormones are all over the place or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the number of older black women that have said this respectful and inappropriate
[SPEAKER_00]: during my other pregnancies and just in general is insane.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost as if they feel like they have a right to be disrespectful because of their age.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm bringing up the example of things that people have said while I'm pregnant, because obviously I'm pregnant right now, but this isn't just a pregnancy conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I really want to know
[SPEAKER_00]: Have y'all experienced this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this something that you are familiar with, even within your own family?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because prior to me, being pregnant, I remember having a conversation with one of my home girls about the way that we as millennials seem to be protective of the younger generations.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our little sisters, our nieces, whereas our aunties, are the ones that are always talking mess,
[SPEAKER_00]: always trying to belittle somebody, always insulting, always being discouraging and we often find ourselves in that uncomfortable position feeling like we have to step in.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I posted something on social media.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't remember what it was.
[SPEAKER_00]: But she messaged me and she was like, girl, I was just at home over the holidays.
[SPEAKER_00]: And my aunts were like ganging up on my little cousin.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they were talking about her.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they were making a feel bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she started crying.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had to step in to defend her and nobody else was saying anything.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, wow, so it's not just my crazy family that does things like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: having to stand in and step up for my nieces when, you know, my mom, their grandmother or my sister, their mother or my aunt have something negative to say about them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've never been a fan of or been a part of being negative.
[SPEAKER_00]: really with anybody but definitely not to like little girls because I was once that little girl who you know was being discouraged or who was being disrespected and who felt like I couldn't say anything I didn't have a voice my voice was in a value because I was the younger person and so when she had that conversation with me I'm like wow so this really is a thing but why is it
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not in this number, so I'm not even gonna clue myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: But why is it that so many older black women feel like they have to be little you, talk down to you and so to disrespect you, put you in your place, make you feel less than, like I really want to know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe there's some therapists out there that can chime in and help me understand.
[SPEAKER_00]: why this is such a common thing, even within your own family, to make you feel like you have to not only bow down to them because they're the quote-unquote elders, but they do it in such a disrespectful and mean, spirited way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I've seen conversations online and I definitely have my own experience with, again, my
[SPEAKER_00]: traumatic relationship with my mom.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the number of black women who first bully was their mother is very disheartening.
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I prepare to bring my own little girl into this world, I just can't help but think that there's no way that I will want to make my own child feel anything other than confident, anything other than care for,
[SPEAKER_00]: connected to me as an extension of me, you know, and so I just don't understand the mindset of talking crazy to somebody, especially somebody younger than you who you should be like helping to pull up and helping to shape and helping to encourage.
[SPEAKER_00]: And even if we think about Nicki Minaj, you know, as another example of just like
[SPEAKER_00]: uh, anti quote unquote, anti age, right, 40 plus who is always hating on a younger generation like you're never looking to encourage, you're never looking to bring somebody else up alongside you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You feel like everybody has to bow down to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You feel the need to bully.
[SPEAKER_00]: You feel the need to be little.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just, I don't understand that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't operate like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not the untie that's about to hate on the nieces.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I want to help the nieces.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to help save you from the things that I had to experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to learn the highway versus me, almost wanting to see you suffer and see you fail
[SPEAKER_00]: And so over the last couple months, I've literally traveled, you know, a couple times.
[SPEAKER_00]: I told y'all about my, who I didn't tell y'all where I went.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I almost said where it was, but I told y'all about my trip to the U.S.
[SPEAKER_00]: Virgin Island that was horrible when we were thinking about moving there.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things that stuck out to me was when we went to lunch with like the
[SPEAKER_00]: the team that was working at this pharmacy that my husband had a job offer for.
[SPEAKER_00]: The very first lady that I met, which was an older woman, she was probably my mother's age in her 60s.
[SPEAKER_00]: Upon meeting me, we sit down at the table and she says, oh girl, you look like you're ready to pop.
[SPEAKER_00]: In what world do you feel that that's inappropriate thing to say upon meeting someone?
[SPEAKER_00]: Now again, maybe I, you know, was just being sensitive, but I would never purse my lips to insult a pregnant woman in that way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this was, again, the first person who I had met from this team, it was like literally the first words out of her mouth and it pissed me off.
[SPEAKER_00]: And these are conversations that me and my husband have had.
[SPEAKER_00]: So he knew that, you know, that my gears was grinded
[SPEAKER_00]: express to him like how rude people can be and how I'm just about to start clapping back at these people like I obviously I didn't clap back at this lady because this was a lady who you know could have put it potentially been his co-worker and I don't want to be that wife but I definitely took a mental note of like
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like, why would you say that to me?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not the first impression that I would want to have on someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: But she was not unique.
[SPEAKER_00]: The number of black, older women specifically that I saw not just here in Atlanta, but while I was on vacation, who made remarks, because you know, I'm on vacation, I got my belly out, I got my swimsuit on, I got, you know, my son dress is on, all of the things, who made remarks about my stomach,
[SPEAKER_00]: in a negative way, it was just alarming.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what made it even more alarming is that in those same places, like when I went to Cabo for our baby moon, the number of Hispanic and white women who stopped me and were like, oh, you look so cute.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you are rocking that pregnancy.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was just like a totally different sentiment.
[SPEAKER_00]: And every single time a non-black woman made a positive comment, I mentioned it to my husband.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why?
[SPEAKER_00]: What is it about black women that makes us feel like we have the right to say such horrible mean-spirited things to people and wrap it up in like a joke, you know, say it with like a smile as if that put an LOL on it as if that makes it okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it is absolutely insane and it made me wonder
[SPEAKER_00]: What is it about them?
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, I'm not gonna say us because this is not something that I do or subscribe to or support.
[SPEAKER_00]: But what is it in our lineage, in our DNA, in our spirit that makes us feel like we have to be little somebody else.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, every single time this has happened, I'm like, man, I'm about to talk about this on the podcast
[SPEAKER_00]: But I kept going back and forth, kept going back and forth.
[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all, I went to dinner the other night, literally two days ago, and we're walking into the restaurant.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're in the parking lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not even walking in.
[SPEAKER_00]: Had just gotten out of the car.
[SPEAKER_00]: And a black woman, again, she was probably older than my mom.
[SPEAKER_00]: So definitely like Granny Age, looks at me and my husband.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she says, what are y'all doing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all prepare for twins, ain't you?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just said, why would you say that?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, my husband is just like so nice and loving and lovable and just has a much better demeanor with these things than I do, because it was written all over my face.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, why would you say that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what would make you fix your face to ask a perfect stranger is she having twins?
[SPEAKER_00]: To ensain you at the fact that my stomach was big enough to be carrying twins.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is not the first time that someone has said this to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if it's just me knowing, I mean, I don't know what it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's nothing in me that would ever have me say and that's as somebody, not even just a stranger.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's as somebody that I know somebody, I don't know somebody on the internet.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I just, even if I was thinking it, a no world, what I think that it was okay or appropriate or kind,
[SPEAKER_00]: to say that to somebody.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had somebody who literally asked me, do you feel like you're big for seven months?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, a couple of months ago, do you feel like you're big to be seven months pregnant?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, what is the response that you're expecting from me?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I know you didn't say that so I could curse you out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you think I was gonna laugh at it?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, did you think that was a joke?
[SPEAKER_00]: Were you genuinely curious?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I feel like that's,
[SPEAKER_00]: a question that you probably could have kept to yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I guess this episode has two purposes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Number one, I'm really perplexed at why older black women feel the need to say such ridiculous outrageous things and expect you to be quiet about it, expect you to like smile through being insulted.
[SPEAKER_00]: But they're also encouraged anybody out there
[SPEAKER_00]: Wanted to make these comments or wanted to just say something mean spirit it because you thought it was funny to just Think twice because what is a joke to you might be the final straw for someone else now again And I said this to my husband when we did get in the restaurant.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like that lady could have ruined my night You know like if I was really a sensitive person if I was the type of sensitive that that cries at the drop of a hat
[SPEAKER_00]: I could have been really hurt.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she really could have run my night by saying that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even get into the restaurant without somebody saying something stupid to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like thankfully, I'm the kind of sensitive that gets pissed off.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm, you're not gonna make me cry.
[SPEAKER_00]: You gonna piss me off and have me curse you out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that is where my sensitivity goes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So she didn't really ruin my date night, but it definitely started off on a sour note because why would you say that to me?
[SPEAKER_00]: And then if I say something back to you as the quote on quote elder, then I'm being disrespectful.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just feel like I do feel like millennials are doing things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do feel like we ain't playing that isch.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do feel like we do a better job of defending and supporting and being kind with the younger generations.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just want us to continue being conscious.
[SPEAKER_00]: about the conversations that we're having, about the quote unquote jokes that we're telling about the insensitive things that we might be saying because we think it's no big deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because clearly there is something in us, maybe these unseasoned grannies weren't like that when they were our age, but now as they've gotten older in life, they just feel like they
[SPEAKER_00]: rude.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we laugh about like the granny's who would just say anything.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, who would just basically insult you with a smile on her face and you just laugh it off because she's your granny, but at the root of it, is that really okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, are we encouraging bad behavior because of who it's coming from?
[SPEAKER_00]: I grew up with my- so my mom and my dad are like
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, but one of the things I remember my dad telling me is you don't just get respect because of your age.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to treat me with respect in order to get my respect.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he grew up in the South, in the 50s and 60s, you know, where it was a much different time where, you know, most people did not respect little black boys.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so he had just a different mindset of, I'm not just respecting you because you're older than me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not just respecting you because you're my elder, like if you treat me bad, if you disrespect me, I don't have no respect for you and I distinctly remember that being a conversation we had when I was younger and that stuck with me and that stayed with me and that is pretty much how I operate.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you don't get a pass just because you're past a certain age.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't get to disrespect me just because you've reached
[SPEAKER_00]: the retirement age and now you feel like you can just say anything you want and I'm supposed to smile and laugh and say yes or yes ma'am to you even though you just said something rude and mean and you knew what you were doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm rambling at this point but I would really love to hear from y'all.
[SPEAKER_00]: Has this been your experience?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this something that you feel like
[SPEAKER_00]: comes with age.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this something that you feel like we as millennials are doing away with and doing better at?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm just confused about why this is a black woman thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I came to that conclusion because on these same trips at these same places, these
[SPEAKER_00]: every thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, at least 10 different occasions.
[SPEAKER_00]: This wasn't just like a one time thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It kept happening again and again and again and again.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, I was drawn a lot of attention to myself with this big old belly being out, but the reaction to it, based on the person, was so different that it really made me think, like, what is it about us that makes us act this way?
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Send me a message.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me know in my comments, like let me know what your experience has been, am I chirping, am I just being sensitive or am I on to something?
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you, I got nothing but love for you, and I'll catch you on the next episode.